The internet is buzzing with the idea that Hillary Clinton, former presidential candidate and queen of our hearts, might mount a bid for Mayor of New York City. The position, the pundits are saying, would be more or less hers for the taking, and a brilliant up yours to both Mayor de Blasio, whose support for her presidential bid was criticized as lacklustre, and President-elect Donald Trump, who considers the city his stomping ground.
While it is fairly unlikely to transpire, a girl can dream, dream of a world in which New York gets the leader it asked for. The New York City mayorship is one of the most powerful in the world, a position befitting of Clinton (and it too has never been held by a woman). The City oversees education within its five boroughs, and gets to control and spend 50% of its tax revenue. And as Mitchell L. Moss pointed out in a 2013 opinion piece, “A president presides over a vast government, but his power is based on persuasion. The mayor of New York City is actually in charge.”
So what might a HRC-run NYC look like? A feminist utopia, probably.
Here are nine things that might happen should Hillary Rodham Clinton be elected Mayor of New York City.
- The mayorship will be retitled President of New York City (PONYC) and Hillary Clinton will be the first President. Ever.
- Ambitious women will be celebrated in an annual parade, the Nasty Woman Parade, with the ceremonial smashing of the glass ceilings.
- The first of every month will be Woman Worship Day and there will be free chocolate and baskets of kittens on every corner.
- Men found guilty of groping will be required to sew a giant orange G onto their clothing and will be restricted to only riding the G train. Enjoy that 10-12 minute wait, boys.
- The school curriculum will be altered to focus on women’s rights and Hard Choices will be required reading, but first there will be a class on email responsibility.
- Added to the extensive list of things banned by Michael Bloomberg, mansplaining will be banned in all five boroughs.
- There will paid leave for anyone with children.
- The Statue of Liberty will be replaced with the Statue of Hillary.
- Casual Fridays will henceforth be known as Pantsuit Fridays.
- Kate McKinnon will play HRC on SNL forevermore, or until she becomes PONYC herself.
- Times Square will be filled with balloons for Bill to play with.
- There will be impromptu performances by Madonna all the time, like the one she held in Washington Square Park on Election Day eve. Beyoncé and Katy Perry will do them too.
- The #IFeelLikeHillz stencils will be back to beautify the streets.
- Men will apologize.
- She Got More Votes will become the city motto.
- Little girls will never doubt that they are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world.
All hail Mayor/President Clinton.
All images via Creative Commons, GIPHY @IFeelLikeHillz instagram and Hillary Clinton's Twitter
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