40 Fran Lebowitz Quotes & Images To Up Your Sarcasm Game

Fran Lebowitz, humorist, acerbic critic, and life coach has consistently ripped into social mores since the 1970's. To show some appreciation for her pontification, we present some of Fran's greatest quotes:

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Photographed by Michael Lavine

"I always talk about people behind their back. That way they hear it twice.”


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"Here is the problem about being ahead of your time, by the time everyone gets around to it you’re bored.”

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Fran with Andy Warhol

“It's much easier to write a solemn book than a funny book. It's harder to make people laugh than it is to make them cry. People are always on the verge of tears.”

fran bedPhotographed by Peter Hujar 1974

"I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility."

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"The Founding Fathers could have more easily imagined an iPhone than Mitch McConnell."

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"I don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.”

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“You are not getting rich. If you are not rich, you are not getting rich."

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"Polite conversation is rarely either.”

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“A book is not supposed to be a mirror. It's supposed to be a door.”

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"Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.”

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“Usually, I believe myself to be right. In fact, I see myself to be invariably right. I believe that being right is my profession."

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“All the things now they say about cigarette smoking they used to say about homosexuality. Okay? They used to say you can’t be around children. It was really always the second-hand nature of homosexuality that scared people.”

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“The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.”

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“Think before you speak. Read before you think.”

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Photographed by Jill Krementz.

"If you are a New Yorker and you run into another New Yorker in Times Square it's like running into someone in a gay bar in the 1970’s. You instantly start making excuses as to why you’re there. I’m not really here. I’m not really in Times Square. I’m on my way… I’m doing research.”


“When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.”

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Peter Schlesinger

"I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.”

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"Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep."

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"To me, nothing can be more important than giving children books. It's better to be giving children books than drug treatment when they're 15 years old. Did it ever occur to anyone that if you put nice libraries in public schools you wouldn't have them in prison?”

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"You can't think feminism is wrong... That's not a question! We have a constitution! That's like saying 'Do you think rain is wet?' Rain is wet. The question is, Do you want it to rain?... That's a question. But a right, that's not a question."

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Courtney Bissonette is a New York based writer and improv comedienne. She writes primarily about movies, pop cultures and feminist heroes. She gets along best with old people. She has seen more old movies than your grandma, probably. Salt from Salt n Pepa once took her Trick'r Treating. You can follow her on instagram at @gddamnitcourtney or twitter @courttette

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