What Would Roseanne Barr Do?

Donald Trump Thinks Pumping Breast Milk Is "Disgusting"

in General
Dear Mr. Trump, Anything you say can and will be used against you – especially since you’re running for president. Not only that, but your words are a direct reflection of your character, and I’m not so sure that anyone who believes pumping breast milk is…

Lizzie McGuire, Eating Disorders, and Me

in TV
I learned wonderful and awful things from an episode of a Disney channel tween show, Lizzie McGuire. For years, I thought that straight-up losing consciousness was the symbol that you were hurting your body too much, eating too little. One episode—about…
Aug 03, 2015 1180

Mark Zuckerberg's Pregnancy Announcement Reveals Their Problems With Miscarriage

in Living by Isabel Bartholomew
In a message posted on (where else) Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg announced that he and his…
Aug 03, 2015 850

#CakeWithCashmerette: Sewing Bloggers Say F.U. to a Troll... With Cake

in Style by Alexa Salvato
When sewing blogger Cashmerette posted a sketch of bathing suit plans for an upcoming…
Jul 31, 2015 13950

"Are You A Feminist?" Celebrities' Answers from BUST Magazine's 22-Year Archive May Surprise You

in Feminism by BUST Magazine
These days, it's become pretty popular for interviewers to ask celebrities (especially…
Jul 31, 2015 602

New Bill Could Make College Investigations Harder for Victims of Sexual Assault

in Feminism by Alexa Salvato
Two U.S. representatives are introducing a new bill, the Safe Campus Act, to solve the…
Jul 31, 2015 3401

Fatherhood Changes Men's Views on Gender Roles—And Not for the Better

in Feminism by Samantha Baumgartner
You’ve just spent hours in the delivery room pushing through the pain, and the moment…
Jul 31, 2015 6797

7 Ways to Celebrate Tonight's Blue Moon

in General by Alexa Salvato
Tonight’s sky will be lit by a Blue Moon, a term which actually just means it'll be the…
Jul 31, 2015 6129

Carrie Brownstein's Reading List: How Many Have You Read?

in General by Hanna Lustig
Our love for Carrie Brownstein burns brighter with each passing day. She’s a Sleater…
Jul 31, 2015 1140

Alabama Tried to Deny Woman Abortion by Giving Fetus An Attorney

in Feminism by Alexa Salvato
Today in stories about complete violations of a woman’s bodily autonomy: a pregnant…
Jul 30, 2015 2086

Like Most Media, NPR Dominated By White Men's Voices (Literally)

in General by Alexa Salvato
Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting (FAIR), an NYC-based media watch organization,…
Jul 30, 2015 8506

Lena Dunham's Stance Against Sex Work Decriminalization Is Wrong. Here's Why.

in Feminism by Elizabeth Ollero
We have some good news, and then we have some bad news. Good news: Amnesty International…


Our favorite fierce, funny feminist addresses all that ails you


Dear Roseanne,

I kept my own name when I got married, but for some reason, even if people know that, they insist on addressing letters to my husband and I as “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” or “The Smiths,” or referring to me as “Mrs. Smith.” How do I get them to understand that I’m still “Ms. Jane Doe” and not “Mrs. John Smith,” and that when they insist on ignoring that fact, it makes me feel erased—like they think I’m just an extension of my husband? –Ms. Jane Doe

Dear Ms. Doe,

I think you should start with a gracious note to each of the parties re-stating your wishes, along with a brief explanation of why you feel as you do. Patience, after all, is a virtue, and in this busy world of ours, maybe they’ve forgotten that you’ve tried to make your feelings on this matter clearly known. If they continue to persist against your wishes, though, I suggest a second communiqué that begins with the firm salutation, “Dear Stubborn Asshat,” and goes on to ask something like, “Can you READ, or do I have to come over there and bark in your stupid, stubborn, inconsiderate face? I TOLD you I have a perfectly good handle and it ain’t ‘Mrs. What’s-His-Name.’ It’s the 21st century; try it on for size, Crap Head!” If that doesn’t work, at least no one can say you didn’t reach out and give it your best shot.


Dear Roseanne,

I’m 26 years old and still a virgin. I grew up in a strict family and never had much luck with dating; it wasn’t a priority for a long time. Now I’m dating, but I haven’t met anyone I feel strongly about. At this point, I feel like maybe I should have sex with someone halfway decent after a few dates, just to get it out of the way, because holding out for someone I really care about seems kind of unrealistic. How old is too old to still be a virgin? If I meet someone amazing when I’m 27 and tell him I’m a virgin, will he think that’s weird? Should that matter? –Never Been Effed

Dear Never Been Effed,

Hearing you talk about sex as something you think you might want to do “just to get it out of the way” strikes me as a tad odd. Sex isn’t the be-all and end-all of life, but it’s an aspect of the human experience that most people look forward to experiencing. And most people usually take a shot at it by the time they’re your age, even if there’s some anxiety involved. Just curious: Do you ever get—how shall I put this delicately?—HORNY? If you don’t seem to crave physical closeness or you’re not attracted to anyone who you think might be attracted to you, I don’t think you should have sex with somebody you think is “halfway decent” just to say you did. They might interpret it to mean you really like them. Try getting to know someone (or some-more-than-one) who you don’t find completely unattractive, and there’s a good chance you might find the physical contact starts to take care of itself. Relax!


Dear Roseanne,

My brother is getting married soon and my dad is being a jerk! He’s already said that he might not want to take time off from work for the wedding, and he’s been complaining about people who have been left off the guest list (the soon-to-be-married couple wants a very small wedding). He did the same thing to me when I got married, threatening not to come if I didn’t invite a particular relative I can’t stand. How can I let my dad know I don’t approve of his behavior without starting a family feud? –Fed Up in Colorado

Dear Fed Up,

I don’t know if you can avoid the fallout, but I think somebody needs to tell your dad that the wedding is mostly about your brother and his happiness on that day. It would be sad if your dad doesn’t show, but not as sad as if he stinks things up for your brother. You have my empathy. Tell your dad to back off on your brother’s behalf and, if he’s a jerk about it, then maybe he should just keep his distance. Family is important, but we shouldn’t be required to suffer trying to “make the foot fit the shoe.” Know what I mean? Let us know how everything works out, OK?


Got a problem? Roseanne will help you solve it. Post your questions at bust.com/askroseanne.

Photo: FMHT Studios


anna-paquin-cover-smallThis story appears in the June/July 2012 issue of BUST Magazine with cover girl Anna Paquin. Subscribe now.






Tagged in: Roseanne Barr, Dear Roseanne, column, Ask Roseanne, advice   

The opinions expressed on the BUST blog are those of the authors themselves and do not necessarily reflect the position of BUST Magazine or its staff.

blog comments powered by Disqus