Hey Jealousy

One of the hardest things I've ever had to admit to myself and to others is that I'm a straight-up jealous person. I'm not jealous of people who have nicer things or better careers, and I no longer suffer from the kind of jealousy that compels me to send psychotic emails to my boo's ex, but I do get really super sassy when it comes to friends. I'm a BFF kind of gal, which means that all I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend AND NO ONE ELSE. Not really, but when I feel like my close relationship with my bestie is being threatened, I can't seem to control my salty attitude toward the alleged friend-mistress. I've counseled myself numerous times on controlling my behavior and letting things go, but I know it won't work for too long. I justify this sort of ridiculous thinking by telling myself that it's out of love for my BFF and our friendship, but that definitely doesn't mean it's OK to be possessive. The truth is that I'm scared of losing the girl who gets me, who takes me for who I am, who texts me about her day because she knows I'll pay attention.  

Bridesmaids came out as I was experiencing a terrible bout of friend jealousy, and watching Kristen Wiig get all sour over her battle for Maya Rudolph's attention kind of put things into perspective for me. I realized that I spent so much time worrying about my bestie ditching me that I forgot how to have fun with her. I so closely resembled Kristen Wiig on that couch complaining about her life that I wanted to slap myself. My tendency to give my BFF an attitude for hanging out with someone else was actually pushing her away from me, and wallowing in my own self-pity left me completely alone. After almost a year of investing my unchecked emotions into this problem, I finally decided to bring the issue to my bestie's attention. Because she's naturally so awesome (which is the reason everyone wants to hang with her), my BFF totally understood where I was coming from, but she also reminded me that she hadn't done anything to intentionally hurt my feelings, something that I often forgot when I was sulking in my bed. 

Laying it all out on the line actually helped me let some of that jealousy go. It also reminded my BFF that I do care about our friendship, even if it means letting part of it go just a little. I totally regret wasting so much time being moody when I could have been out doing my own thing or making more of an effort to bond with my BFF's new friends. Admitting I was wrong left me slightly vulnerable, but it also felt great knowing I could make such a huge mistake and the bestie didn't even really mind. That's a great freakin' friendship right there. 

I’m curious, BUST-lovers: am I alone in my awkward neediness or is this sort of tension common between best friends? Share your friendship issues-- and how you solved them (if you solved them) below.

Image source: paulsawesomeworld.com

Tagged in: needy, jealousy, friends, Bridesmaids, AWKWARD   

The opinions expressed on the BUST blog are those of the authors themselves and do not necessarily reflect the position of BUST Magazine or its staff.

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