Here’s a little-known fact about female anatomy: the clit we know and love is just the tip of the iceberg. There are bundles of nerve endings below the surface of your hoo-ha. Most vibrators use a powerful motor to vibrate a small, clit-size weight very quickly—hence the monotone buzz—but the X1 Orgasmatron (from geek-getdown purveyor Doctor Xtreme) uses a slightly more powerful motor to vibrate a weight equal in mass to your entire clit-nerve complex. This means, in theory, that each pulse shakes not only your external junk, but the entire situation below the surface.
I was intrigued, so I took the Orgasmatron for a spin. You know, for science.
The first thing you need to know about the Orgasmatron is that it’s anything but subtle. It is a big, loud ol’ motherfucker. (In fact, I think I strained a shoulder hauling this one home from the BUST office.) In addition to the generously sized dildo and the hefty vibrating ball, it’s powered by a laptop-sized AC adapter and a remote control. The Orgasmatron revs up with a piercing mechanical whine, which gives way to a stuttering, antique-sewing-machine rattle. Unless you have a roommate or partner who can ignore (or enjoy) the Orgasmatron’s rhythmic stylings from several rooms away, you should probably limit its use to empty-house time.
My conclusion: hmmm. I just wasn’t vibin’ on it as an internal toy: there’s no warm-up speed, and since I’ve been trying to avoid condoms unless absolutely necessary, I found the dildo’s surface pretty uncomfortable. That said, the ball (sans dildo) worked quite nicely as an external vibe, and minus the distracting cord situation, I think it’d be a user-friendly addition to partnered play.
But, if internal stimulation is your thing, the Orgasmatron is a worthwhile investment. Yes, $130 is pricey for a toy, but it’s made of good-for-you material and comes with a lifetime replacement guarantee. (Plus, crafty gals can create their own attachments with two-part industrial silicone!)
Despite the Orgasmatron’s versatility, I still prefer grab-and-go vibes that resemble Brancusi sculptures. Setting up the cord-bound Orgasmatron felt like setting up the vacuum: unsexy, but heck, it gets the job done.
By Ash Lynn
All images via doctorxtreme.com