Unless you’re living under a rock (which somehow miraculously has internet access), you’re probably aware that today is Valentine’s Day. This means that the super-sappy love songs that make up so much of popular music are out in full force. Many of them are tear-inducing expressions of beautiful feelings toward the singer/songwriter’s partner of choice (whether the song is actually about being with that person or not). Some of them, however, take those feelings to the next level. That is when these songs go horribly, horribly wrong.
WNYC, the public radio station for the fabulous city of New York, did a Valentine’s special today devoted to the pantheon of creepy love songs. (One of the guest speakers on the show was our very own BUST staffer, Emily Rems!) Some true classics were mentioned—how can you not kick things off with the stalker anthem of modern music, “Every Step You Take” by the Police? Emily paired this tune with “One Way or Another” by Blondie, which is similarly criminal in its treatment of pursuing true love. (Sing it with me now: “One way or another, I’m gonna find ya, I’m gonna get ya get ya get ya get ya….I will ride past your house, and if the lights are all down, I’ll see who’s around.”) From pointing out the popular songs with undertones of underage lust to making fun of R. Kelly’s past indiscretions, this radio segment plumbs the depths of love song depravity. It's perfect for those of us who would rather make fun of Valentine’s sentiments than celebrate them.
Listen to the whole segment in the embedded audio file below. Want to hear Emily Rems’ playlist? The links are all here!
1. “He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss)” by The Crystals (Barbara Alston)
2. “Needles and Pins” by The Ramones
3. “Every Breath You Take” by The Police
4. “I’ve Never Been To Me” by Charlene
5. “Like A Bad Girl Should” by The Cramps
6. “Just Like Heaven” by The Cure
7. “Redondo Beach” by Patti Smith
8. “Little Sister” by Elvis Presley
9. “Insane Asylum” by Willie Dixon and Koko Taylor
10. “Look At Your Game Girl” by Charles Manson
Songs I would add to this:
- “Paparazzi” by Lady Gaga (“I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow you until you love me…”)
- “Kiss With a Fist” by Florence and the Machine (“A kick in the teeth is good for some; a kiss with a fist is better than none.”)
- Anything from “69 Love Songs” by the Magnetic Fields. How about “Absolutely Cuckoo,” which cautions a potential lover to stay clear of the singer, because he’s nuts? (“Give me a week or two to go absolutely cuckoo/then when you see your error, you can flee in terror.”)