Ever since I saw the video for Brooke Candy’s “Das Me” (which you should watch right now if you haven’t already), I’ve been obsessed. I can’t stop showing the video to all of my friends while chanting “JIGGLE YOUR TITS FOR BROOKE CANDY”. Of course, Brooke Candy is more than her crazy braids, asian child on a leash, and weed jumpsuits. She’s also a slut-shamer’s worst nightmare, getting in your face with lines like “It’s time to take the word back, slut is now a compliment/ A sexy-ass female who runnin’ shit and confident” and “Next time they call you a slut, Brooke Candy tells you not to give a fuck.” A girl after my own heart.
Then she vogued her ass off in Grimes’ video for “Genesis.” I thought I had lost my ability to even. But then she collaborated with Charli XCX on “Cloud Aura.” (Did I mention that her real name is actually Brooke Candy?)
Now she went and did it again. “Everybody Does” is full of everything you could ever want from Brooke Candy. She raps with a face fulla lizards, whips her braids back and forth better than Willow Smith (painted gold and topless, no less), and makes it rain glitter. She demands us to “Call [her] L’Oréal, ‘cause she’s worth it” and brags about her “Private jet life, hotter than your ex-wife.” Yes, please.
Even though we may never know how she uses the bathroom with those nails, I know I’ll be whispering “Poppin’ bottles in the club/ that’s what everybody does” to myself for the rest of the week.
