Good day, Shantay! It's time for another season of RuPaul's Drag Race, America's favorite parade of glitter-drenched pageantry, wigs, and cat fights. Last night, 14 new contestants gathered in RuPaul's lair to show off their C.U.N.T.—charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent. As usual, it was hard to focus on anything other than RuPaul's insanely amazing clothing (a flawless baby blue suit with white satin trim and matching shoes), but I'll give it a shot.
We've barely made it into the workroom when we find out there's already a rivalry brewing that threatens to make the 2012 drama between Phi Phi O'Hara and Sharon Needles look like a slumber party. Alyssa Edwards, "the Vanessa Williams of drag," was apparently crowned Miss Gay America in 2010, but had to give up her crown to Coco Montrese for some unknown reason. Oooh girl, I like where this is going already. Also, Alaska—girlfriend to last year's winner Sharon Needles—finally made it on the show this year. I'm a little bit hoping she wins just because wouldn't that be the cutest thing ever?
For the mini-challenge, the queens have to do a photo shoot in a tank full of water, because nothing says eleganza like runny mascara and askew hairpieces. We found out that Jinkx Monsoon is a narcoleptic—"Seattle's premiere Jewish narcoleptic drag queen," in fact—which will either be hilariously weird or deeply upsetting. For winning this "tribute to old Esther Williams films," Detox got...a Twitter mention from Ru. Don't lie, you know you'd die for such an honor.
Later on, the queens head to a boutique in Beverly Hills for some shopping, as you do. Camille Grammer is there for some reason, and surprise—the shopping trip is actually dumpster diving. They have one minute to gather supplies for a red carpet couture look, and I'll be honest and say I instantly started hoping that Jinkx would fall asleep in the garbage, because I am a bad person and I don't like that knockoff Alexander McQueen skull scarf she keeps wrapping around her head. At the runway show, Coco Montrese was my personal favorite, wearing mini director megaphones in a blatant homage to Madonna's cone bra, but the judges favored Roxxxy Andrews, who won a custom gown and immunity for next week. Serena ChaCha (who is a baby at age 21) and Penny Tration (who was voted on the show by fans) lip synched for their lives. Neither one was particularly great, but Penny Tration said she'd never sung "Party in the USA" before, which I'm pretty sure is some form of treason. Ru must have agreed, because poor Penny had to sashay away.
The best part of the episode came at the end, when RuPaul introduced Untucked in a pitch perfect imitation of Downton Abbey's ludicrous opening, deadpanning, "Hello, I'm Laura Linney." It's hard to remember who's who at this point, what with all of the extraneous x's and z's in these 14 contestants' names, but I'm optimistic that this season will wash away the painful memory of Chad Michaels winning All-Stars. Now where can I get a copy of Gone with the Weave?
Photo via NewNowNext