Phew, we were worried for a minute there. According to President-elect and renowned truth-teller Donald Trump on Monday, all the “dress shops” (we call them “stores” these days, Donald) in DC were fresh out of dresses.
“There will be plenty of movie and entertainment stars,” he told the New York Times in an attempt to hit back at Meryl Streep by showing off how cool and popular he is. “All the dress shops are sold out in Washington. It’s hard to find a great dress for this inauguration.”
Fortunately, reports quickly cleared this up; there are in fact some great dresses still for sale in the nation’s capital. 'Some' numbering somewhere between a few and, um, hundreds of thousands. In fact, the consensus from a range of retailers seems to be that business has been unusually slow for DC at this point in the political calendar. Someone must have given the President-elect some false intelligence. Surely he would not have made such a claim based off absolutely nothing but the thoughts in his own head. Surely.
So, Cinderella, if you are attending the Inaugural Ball because you’ve decided it’s slightly preferable to, say, eating your own organs, but are worried you’ll have nothing to wear, your BUST fairy godmother has got you covered. Here are seven looks you can get your hands on right now in Washington DC for the inauguration of this giant fucking man-child.
1. You know what kind of dress DC is running low on? Orange ones. That's because orange is not the most popular color. In fact, one might go so far as to say it's a downright unpopular color. Don’t worry though; we found plenty of Trump-hued dresses that are definitely not sold out, including this one which you can currently buy at Nordstrom.
2. Or maybe you want to hark back to a different era, as the man himself likes to do as he talks about Making America Great Again. What better age to evoke than the 50s, the golden age of white men and white picket fences, of miserable housewives and fraught abortion rights, with this genuinely super cute dress from DC boutique Ella-Rue.
3. But perhaps you should keep yourself as covered as possible, lest the newly appointed President see too much of your body and decide that makes him entitled to start touching and kissing and grabbing it. You can rent this dress, called Forbidden Territory, which is also a good descriptor for what women’s bodies are when you don’t have their consent to touch them.
4. You could wear purple, the color of unity and bipartisanship, to remind us all that the country is much less divided between red and blue than it sometimes feels. It was widely believed that this was why Clinton chose to wear the color for her concession speech. You can rent this dress and many other purple dresses from Rent the Runway's Georgetown store.
5. Or maybe you wear white, as many did on Election Day to honor the legacy of the suffragists. You can't wear white after Labor Day, but at this rate who knows if we'll ever have Labor Day again! Get it at multiple Nordstroms around DC.
6. And if you would like to be even more explicit in dressing like a suffragist, you could grab this one-off vintage piece at DC vintage boutique, Gypset.
7. Really though, even if the dress shops do run out of their thousands of dresses before you make it in, you can never go past a good pantsuit.
Images via Ella-Rue, Nordstrom, Rent the Runway, Neiman Marcus, Gypset and Reddit (Bullduke)
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