On this week’s episode of the drunken love child of Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model otherwise known as RuPaul’s Drag Race, it is not possible to focus on anything after Ru appears wearing the above suit. LOOK. AT. IT. It’s like two Lisa Frank bunnies dropped a handful of acid, ate a four-pound bag of Skittles, and gave birth to the greatest sartorial achievement since Maggie Gyllenhaal’s 2009 Golden Globes dress. But I digress.
For the mini challenge, the queens partner up and create headpieces for Piyah Martell, a disabled drag queen who is pretty awesome at giving “Mariah Carey realness.” The lone three-person team—Phi Phi, Kenya, and Jiggly—wins with a sparkly pink pillbox thing that would probably kill Kate Middleton upon contact with her head. Also: Sharon Needles, who’s really growing on me, has a Tammy Faye Bakker t-shirt to match her tattoo. For the main challenge, the queens must produce and star in infomercials advertising Ru’s albums Champion and Glamazon. Phi Phi, who is so cute both in and out of drag that it pains me to know how mean she is, captains the Champion team, while Kenya captains the Glamazons. Milan takes it upon herself to “help” Kenya because Kenya’s “language barrier” might interfere with the team’s productivity, which is funny because Kenya seems to be doing well enough to say, “I think that Milan talks too much.” When a drag queen is right, she’s right.
Team Glamazon goes with an ’80s theme, with Willam channeling Tawny Kitaen and Kenya doing a Rihanna in “We Found Love” look (which, admit it, looks more ’80s than things actually made in that decade). Team Champion doesn’t seem to really have a theme, other than Phi Phi telling everybody what to do and Sharon Needles not having it. But then, out of nowhere, we get the greatest reveal of all—we sort of see where the queens live! And it is…a Ramada Inn? Or possibly the abandoned desert motel from the season premiere? Drag Race differs from its reality-TV cohorts in that it does not usually show us where the contestants sleep at night, but this is a huge missed opportunity, because 1) the décor in that house would be stupidly amazing and 2) anyone who remembers the ANTM brownie incident of ’04 knows that the most serious drama happens at home.
At the runway show, Ru commands the queens to come dressed in their platinum and gold finest. Willam says her look is “Clash of the Titans set in a strip club,” which would have been a more accurate description if she had come dressed as a sexy kraken. Sharon Needles wins for her crystal-encrusted greaser look and receives a prize of costume jewelry. Is it just me, or does this show give out the best prizes of any reality competition? Princess and Dida Ritz must lip sync for their lives to guest judge Natalie Cole’s “This Will Be,” but as soon as Dida gets going, it’s clear that poor Princess doesn’t have a chance. Latrice Royal agrees: “That is high drag at its finest.” Princess sashays away, and Ru politely reminds Dida that this is the queen she better bring to the runway each week. Do it, Dida, and I’ll add you to my Drag Race fantasy team! Yes, that is a thing.
Catch RuPaul's Drag Race Mondays at 9/8c on LogoTV.