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Q: Is there a masturbation guide for AFAB (Assigned Female At Birth) folks that isn’t full of suggestions like, “Try rubbing your clit in the opposite direction you normally do,” or “Spice things up by humping your pillow”? I’m a high-stimulation babe, so I’m looking for techniques that involve toys—maybe even a couple at once—and things going in my butthole. Is there anything out there for me? –Jilling Off

Sexologist Dr. Carol Queen: There are two main things to consider when looking for new masturbation techniques: Does it arouse you and give you the kind of getting-off experience you want? And, is it safe to do? Your instinct to involve toys and extra orifices is a sound one—sex therapists refer to these as “blended orgasms,” which basically means you’re adding one or more erogenous zones to clitoral or vaginal stimulation.

Vibrators are getting fancier all the time, with all sorts of options for vibrations, rhythm, and patterns, and a toy like the Womanizer offers clitoral suction. Dildos can add girth, and, if curved, G-spot exploration. Your anal instinct is likely to be a big pleasure-enhancer; there are so many nerve endings waiting to add to your experience. You can also give nipple-stimulating toys like clamps or pumps a try.

Silicone and stainless steel are your best bets when it comes to cleanliness. Avoid toys that are scratchy, rough, or breakable. Use enough lube to make insertion comfortable. Make sure you’re aroused when insertion begins.

“Mother of Masturbation” Dr. Betty Dodson’s book Sex for One is the grandmother of all auto-erotic guides. She also has a website (dodsonandross.com) that brings together a community of masturbators, and she answers questions there as well. The Sex & Pleasure Book, which I wrote with Shar Rednour, may not go into as much masturbation detail as you’d want, but it does have lots of info about sex toys. I also recommend Jamye Waxman’s Getting Off.

OMGYes.com is a great online resource that lets you watch lots of videos of women showing and telling their own favorite self-love strategies. (Full disclosure: I did a bit of consulting for these folks as they were planning their launch.) You might also want to check out Tristan Taormino’s book, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. This will give you a good sense of how to involve your nerve-ending-rich butt without doing it any harm.

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Top photo: The To-Do List

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Tags: sex , carole queen
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