Quantcast
What's The Strap-On Etiquette When You Have Multiple Partners?
Free Download: 
One-Handed Reads: A Collection of Feminist Erotica

Sex positive feminists unite! These 12 stories are all about what pleases YOU-- from hetero to homo; in private or in public; with 2 partners or 1--there's something here for everyone.  Plus, get the latest from BUST in your inbox!

broadcity 8cdf2

 

We're bringing you this Q&A from BUST's Sex section, featuring advice from sexlogist Dr. Carol Queen.

ADVERTISEMENT


I’m very interested in pegging, but I’m not in a serious relationship. What’s the etiquette for having strap-on gear on hand for prospective peg-ees? Is it rude to have just one harness and dildo? I really want a leather harness, but they seem more difficult to clean. Can I use an antiseptic scrub like Techni-Care on leather? Obviously, the dildo in question would be rigorously cleaned between uses. –Peggy Lee

 

It is so not rude to have one harness and dildo! Heavens, with rents as high as they are, you can’t just buy a whole new set of gear every time you swipe right on Tinder. But you’re also quite correct that a leather harness is not easy enough to clean for those of us who are easy, or at least keeping our dance cards full. What you want is a silicone dildo of probably-moderate size because you can clean the hell out of it using hot water and soap, an adult toy cleaner, boiling it on the stove, or tossing it on the top rack of the dishwasher.

Check out the SpareParts harnesses; RodeoH are awesome, too. Both of these brands are made of stretchy fabric and styled like underwear, so they’re cute and comfy to wear (you can even get butchy-looking or femmey-looking designs). If you like the styling of leather harnesses more than the underwear-looking variety, check out the Sportsheets versions made of velvety or brocade fabrics.

Leather harnesses are way harder to keep clean than these washable variations, and most people who use leather may want better cleaning options than exist. There are some nice faux leathers around for the vegans, pleather fetishists, and polyamorists, but a real leather fiend will turn up their nose at these.

My Bend Over Boyfriend video co-star and longtime partner Robert Morgan Lawrence bought a lovely Stormy Leather harness in the late 1970s and cleaned it for two decades with Betadine. You could do the same, but it won’t do the quality of your leather any good, even after a post-bug-killing treatment with Saddle Soap, followed by oiling the leather. What really did that harness in, though, was the antioxidant’s ability to eventually dissolve all the stitches.

On top of this problem, hella strong antibacterial soaps are helping develop the next generation of superbugs. I don’t recommend any medical or industrial cleaning products for this reason—we even had a MRSA outbreak at a San Francisco dungeon that used strong (maybe too strong) cleaning agents. TechniCare is formulated to be easier on the skin, and will still leave pretty much all bugs, good and bad, dead...except the superbugs. Let’s not help the medical community genetically engineer any scary new mutations.

 

Carol Queen's latest book (written with Shar Rednour) is The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone.

Got a sex or relationship question you need answered? Submit it here.

This article originally appeared in the February/March 2018 print edition of BUST Magazine. Subscribe today!

Top photo: Broad City/Comedy Central

More from BUST

Remembering Feminist Porn Pioneer Candida Royalle

 

Everything You Need To Know About Scissoring

How Risky Are Blowjobs Without Condoms?


Support Feminist Media! During these troubling political times, independent feminist media is more vital than ever. If our bold, uncensored reporting on women’s issues is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $25, $50, or whatever you can afford, to protect and sustain BUST.com. Thanks so much—we can’t spell BUST without U.