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Astrological Advice For Ladies Looking To Get Laid

by Jonna Bond

 

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Scorpio

Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

Dreamy Neptune is in the romance sector of your chart, which is sparking your creativity. This is the perfect time to reinvent yourself—so make like Janet Jackson and take control. Whether that means collecting lovers or exploring fantasies (your Scorpionic jam), take advantage of Neptune’s emphasis on imagination. It could lead to an intimate, meaningful relationship, if you want.

 

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Sagittarius

Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

You’re still feeling the burn from November when Jupiter and Venus squared off. Work is stagnant, but Venus is making sure you have extra TLC in your life—whether you like it or not. You’ll be attracting potential partners, but they may not be what you need. If paired off, your partner may feel smothering, but remember, sex has always been your favorite stress-reliever.

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Capricorn

Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

Mars will give you the boost of confidence you need to approach a work crush or a friend you’ve been eyeing. Be careful with what you say once Mercury goes retrograde on December 19; it’s easy for messages to get mixed when the planet of communication goes rogue. Have fun hooking up, but don’t get too attached. Things may not be what they seem.

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Aquarius

Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Uranus is going to throw you a bone(r) by helping you shed baggage in time for 2017. Your mojo will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes of fuckboys/fuckgrrrls past, thanks to help from Saturn and Mercury; they’ll be working together with Uranus to help you make healthier choices. Block those “U up?” suckers, because it’s time to make room for better things.

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Pisces

Feb. 19 to Mar. 20

Jupiter is making eyes at Venus, which means you’re especially lucky in love and friendship right now. Fire up that swiping thumb if you’re single and looking. If you’re already settled down, get ready to hit a particularly sweet spot. Mercury going retro in December means that you’ll want to keep all communication extra clear; actions speak louder than words for now.

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Aries

Mar. 21 to Apr. 19

Mars, your ruling planet, is going to move into your seventh house, which relates to serious relationships and partnerships. If you’ve got a bae, let ‘em lavish you with gifts and orgasmic goodies! Just remember to be diplomatic and give as good as you get. Single rams should round up the crew for a night out on the prowl, because Mars is giving you life.

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Taurus

Apr. 20 to May 20


Venus, your ruling planet, is getting busy in the seventh house. Being an earth sign means you’re already in tune with your senses, but soon you’ll be channeling some big time sensuality that will drive your lover(s) crazy. Be careful when it comes to insecurity and jealousy; talk it out before getting into bed, or just focus on having great sex sans strings.

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Gemini

May 21 to June 20


Mercury is your ruling planet, and when it goes retrograde in December, so will your sense of power. Flirting may not yield the results you want, but you may end up getting a nice surprise at the end of the year. Prepare for clarity and lots of post-coital emotions. Your vulnerability will work in your favor, and you’ll be attracting plenty of suitors.

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Cancer

June 21 to July 22


You won’t have time for long-term relationships in December, but you will have great opportunities to travel and enjoy some fun flings. You’re gung-ho for your New Year’s goals, thanks to Jupiter. So if you do have sex, it will be all about scratching that itch—a nice change of pace for a sign that’s ruled by the moody moon! Get out there and conquer.

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Leo

July 23 to Aug. 22


Neptune moves into your opposite sign, Aquarius, in December, which means things are getting extra passionate. If you’ve been fighting with your partner, things clear up; this Mercury retrograde has more bark than bite for you. Expect lots of dates, passionate sex, and belly laughs. If single, it’s a great time to really put yourself out there. You deserve to have some fun right now.

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Virgo

Aug. 23 to Sept. 22


Avoid power struggles and don’t rock the boat once Mercury goes retro in December. Mars, however, is also making a pit stop in your sign, which will make you feel extra experimental. Playing with latex clothing, lingerie, or toys can be just what the doctor ordered. Just make sure not to press the subject on your partner if they’re not feeling the kink.

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Libra

Sept. 23 to Oct. 22


Saturn is making exciting plans for you with Mercury and Mars. You’ll be leaving a shitty situation in the dust while entering a new one with an unexpected friend-turned-lover. Like Rihanna, you call the shots when it comes to how you want it and when you get it. Embrace your inner domme by putting your lover to work for you.

ILLUSTRATED BY Ada Buchholc

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