Size: golf pencil
Shape: that pen that Joan from Mad Men wears around her neck/between her boobs
Sound: Katniss Everdeen’s arrow
Strength: va-va voom
Satisfaction: gaspin’ O
Pairs with: a vesper, Bond-style, duh
I was really, really excited about the Vesper when I saw it online, because it’s also a necklace, which seems so SEXY and DANGEROUS and SOPHISTICATED to me (so I can wear it over my pajamas as I drink Franzia Crisp White from a plastic camping mug, alone). When I opened it, I realized that it’s a bit chunky and bold for me to rock it as a necklace—I would describe my personal style as “Liz Lemon kinderwhore”—but it’s a really good lil’ bullet vibe. For its slimness, its vibrations are SO strong. It warms up, which is nice since it’s made of stainless steel.
There are multiple pulse settings for the Vesper and all the packaging is very, very sleek. I have the rose-gold color, and it’s so pretty. It’s USB rechargeable and super quiet, so you could use it in one of those small and cold boutique store where they sell like two blouses, or at a very serious modern dance recital.
Unlike most vibrators, which look like PedEggs, the Vesper resembles a fancy vial for perfume or cocaine. A Bond girl would wear the Vesper, or Uma Thurman, or an evil queen from a Disney movie. This is one of those rare times when the novelty of the thing (It’s a necklace! It’s so pretty! It could be a Horcrux!) doesn’t detract from its quality as a vibrator. If it were a vibrator alone, it would be less interesting, but to have the whole femme fatale thing going for it makes the Vesper a winner. Someday, I’ll be a real grown-up, and I’ll wear it out of the house.
Photos via Facebook/Crave
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