Reality shows, like war, can turn heroes into villains and villains into heroes. One day you’re a model soldier being considered for general, the next you’re going rogue and hiding out in the jungle. One day everybody hates you for being a loud alcoholic, then you get punched in the face and you're queen of the shore house. This week on RuPaul's Drag Race, Willam, heretofore the great villain of Season Four, dropped so many one-liners and rocked the challenges so hard that we couldn’t help but think she might be ready for a Purple Heart.
On Milan’s triumph over Madame LaQueer and Kenya Michaels while lipsyncing: "You sent both of the Puerto Rican girls home. You ain’t never gonna be in West Side Story again."
On her outfit for the wet t-shirt contest: "My look is, 'God, I wanna go to Miami but I can only afford Ft. Lauderdale.'"
After she wins the mini challenge: "I won. You know, it’s kind of a hobby of mine. Thank you God for all this bod."
Whether or not God is responsible for Willam’s logic-defying body, we’ll never know, but we do know this: if RuPaul is the cruise director, we definitely want to be on that ship. Jiggly’s awed reaction to the idea of a Ru-sponsored cruise sums it up nicely:
For the mini challenge, the queens had to participate in a spring break–style wet t-shirt contest, complete with silicone breastplates furnished by a company called Boobs for Queens. Yes, it is a real company, and yes, this show is so cheap that even the fake boobs are sponsored. This whole sequence was weird and difficult to watch, but at least we got to see Phi Phi lose her breastplate and her wig. Oh, how the mighty have fallen, Ms. O’Hara. For the main challenge, the queens hosted their own pride parade, with each one dressed as a different color of the pride flag. Since the theme was Hope Floats, I was really hoping somebody would dress as Sandra Bullock and turn their parade boat into a replica of Harry Connick Jr., but no such luck. We did get to see Jiggly swallow glitter, though, which looked painful. Remember: glitter is the herpes of craft supplies, ladies, so use it with caution.
At the runway show, poor Dida Ritz got a lot of flack for her "pedestrian" costume and "piñata-like" float. Latrice Royale’s turquoise sparkle explosion, described by Michelle Visage as "Nefertiti meets Ursula the Sea Witch," was a big hit, but ultimately Willam prevailed and won a cruise. Jiggly Caliente and Milan lip-synced for their lives to Lady Gaga's "Born This Way," which was appropriate for a pride-themed episode. Jiggly again seemed to be doing original choreography from the video, which she also did for "Toxic" in the season premiere. Ru must have appreciated Jiggly’s visual dance memory, because Milan was finally sent home after three appearances in the bottom two. As Willam said, "When it’s right, it’s right."
Catch RuPaul's Drag Race Mondays at 9/8 c on LogoTV