In The New York Times’ recent Social Q’s, a New York City mom wrote in about a dilemma facing her daughter and a birthday party. Her daughter was invited to a five-year-old’s superhero themed birthday party, but then she was un-invited. Instead, she was invited to a separate birthday party, which is just for girls. Here’s the question below:
We received a "save the date" card for a fifth birthday party for a boy my daughter knows. It was to be a Superhero Soiree. But shortly before the date, we were uninvited. The party is now just for boys because of its "masculine" theme, and my daughter was invited to a separate party for him just for girls. I don't want to tell my daughter that she isn't allowed to attend the real party, but she is going to want to know what happened. Something about this feels wrong. Should I mention it to the mother?
In response to the NYC mom, the Social Q’s writer says not to bring up the dilemma to the boy’s mother. While we don’t know for sure, the writer suspects some parents of other young girls that were invited didn’t want to have a mixed party with all the boys, which would explain the creation of two separate parties. He presents the idea of the mother feeling no ties to bring her daughter to the “girl” party, and says to make her own daughter’s parties inclusive with both boys and girls.
He also says that the mom’s daughter is less likely to have her feelings hurt, and it’s rather the mother’s. This is because, in the author’s opinion, “children bounce back much faster than we do.” In light of all of this, the author offers to set up a fun playdate, which would cancel out any feeling of being left out from the party.
If I was the questioning parent, I would most likely have asked the party-planner parents what was the cause of creating separate parties based on gender. I honestly don't blame the mother for feeling a little offended. I feel that even at the tender age of five, kids can tell when they’re not wanted, which is why the mom knows her daughter will be curious about the party. Then again at five, I was practically dragged everywhere, so my baby self wouldn’t have even noticed. Maybe it’s a good idea for the mom to not tell her daughter that there are separate boy and girl parties?
What do you guys think? Did the Social Q’s writer give some sound advice to our NYC mama? Do you think the mom should ask what the deal is, or should she just take her daughter to the “girl’s only” b-day partay? Let us know your opinions below!
Thanks to Social Q's
Images via DC Comics
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