Please Do Not Glue Your Labia Shut While You’re On Your Period (Or Ever)

by Erika W. Smith

Today in inventions nobody needed, a male chiropractor has invented a “lipstick” that glues your labia shut while you’re on your period.

The product is called “Mensez” and is basically a glue stick for your labia. Ow.

A viral Facebook post shows an ad for Mensez by its creator, Kansas chiropractor Dr. Dan Dopps.

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The ad reads:

“Have you ever woken up with your lips stuck together? It didn’t hurt and it was kind of fun. All you had to do was wet your lips from the inside with saliva and they became unstuck. That is the principal behind Mensez and a revolutionary safer solution for women to control their periods without the need for tampons, pads, vag cups, or period panties. Mensez feminine lipstick is a natural patented compound of amino acids and oil in a lipstick applicator that is applied to the lips down under during the period. It causes them to stick together, strong enough to prevent leakage, that is until the user urinates. The urine instantly unsticks the labia and allows everything to wash out into the toilet, wipe and reapply Mensez lipstick. Clean, Safe, Secure and Done. Coming to a store near you soon.”

Dopps also left several comments, such as: “[Y]ou as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be. Women tend to be far more creative than men, but their periods that [sic] stifle them and play with their heads.”

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Dopps spoke to Forbes about his invention and confirmed that he is, in fact, for real. Well, mostly: Dobbs has a patent for the product, but it does not yet exist.

In a bizarre interview, Dobbs shows a lot of enthusiasm for the product and a complete misunderstanding of human anatomy.

“It makes more sense than putting the plug up there,” he told Forbes. “We’re using the vagina like a bladder just like tampons do.”

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….that’s not what tampons do, though? The vagina is not like a bladder.

Dopps also told Forbes, “a lot of the LGBT community, lesbians in particular, are furious at me because I’m a white straight man.” Dopps added, “My receptionist is a lesbian,” so he’s not homophobic at all.

Lilo and Stitch

If you needed any proof that period stigma exists, please reread the advertisement and Dopps’ comments. We often get comment wars over the benefits of menstrual cups vs. tampons, but readers — whether you prefer tamps, cups, pads, or Thinx undies, know that your choice is way, way, wayyyy better than this one.

Please do not glue your labia together during your period.

Or ever, really.

Thank you.

This post was originally published on February 21, 2017

Top photo: Wikimedia Commons

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