Oct 13 2009, 06:49 PM
Cristine, you are right - I shouldn't think the worst. I am just feeling so negative lately and feel like I need to expect and prepare for the worst. My doctor is treating what she thinks is the cause of our infertility with the progesterone. I'm pretty sure she wants to cover all of the bases, at least with non-invasive tests right now. I believe she'll send me for that lovely fallopian tube dye test once I return in the new year. I think she wants to see if the progesterone will change anything, and proceed if not. Thank you for being so positive and supportive.
Julie, I also wanted to thank you for commenting that I have been positive through this process. I have felt very negative and down lately, and getting the reminder that I have been positive for the most part was really nice to see. I always appreciate your comments and support too.
Oct 13 2009, 09:04 PM
Michelina, you really have been very positive through what I'm sure has already been a tough experience. It actually makes sense that you might feel the instinct to be a little more pessimistic about your upcoming tests - I think we all do that from time to time as a way of trying to protect ourselves from hoping too hard and being disappointed. Just don't beat yourself up for how you're feeling about any of it - we can't be spouting sunshine from every pore all the time, it's too frickin' exhausting. Just know that we're here for you.
zelda, I'm sorry about your ER bill...I'm ready to join you guys on that soapbox. Because I was self-employed and we didn't want to pay the bajillion dollars per month it would have been to stay on COBRA after mr. julie lost his job, we had to buy individual health insurance, plus a maternity rider, plus wait 90 days before even trying to get pregnant or they wouldn't have covered it at all. I still have a $2500 maternity deductible that is separate from my regular deductible, and thanks to an abnormal pap smear a couple years ago and a heart murmur that I had checked out awhile back, they don't cover things related to either of these items. And even with all I've had to pay out of pocket, I look at how much more I would have been charged if I hadn't had insurance (the doc's office frequently adjusts the bill to submit it to insurance) and I realize that I am truly one of the lucky ones. Actually, that reminds me, I have to figure out what's doing with our insurance renewal...I don't become eligible for the group health insurance at work until mid-December and the anniversary date of our individual policy is December 1, which is right after little guy is due. So I'm hoping that the overlap is just a month and then we can kiss the individual insurance goodbye....
jenny, glad to hear that all seems to be well with your pregnancy now. Glad to hear that the placenta adjusted itself too! Strange about the bleeding, but I guess we just have to be thankful that things turned out OK and hope/pray for the best going forward. Let us know what your consultant has to say.
Cristine, best of luck this cycle! The fertility monitor actually sounds weirdly entertaining, in a way. All the anticipation has *me* excited for you...
Had my regular checkup today, with the last of the other doctors in the practice. Next time it will be back to my own doc. Everything looks good, though I made the mistake of looking at the scale when they weighed me....argh! I do feel like my belly has gone through a big growth phase the last couple of weeks, so maybe it's just that. However, I still have 6 weeks to go and I shudder to think of how much bigger I'm going to be then.
Little guy's movements are kind of funky now. (Not bad funky, just different.) It's more of the alien invasion/total body shift kind of thing instead of the kicking. The doc is pretty sure he is still head down, with his little butt kind of on the upper right side of my tummy. That makes sense, because most of the kicks I feel on my right side where his legs would be. Today I was sitting at my desk working, and at one point I feel what is like a tiny little knob sticking out of my side. Don't know if that was a foot or what, but it was pretty funny.
Thanks for all the support re: mr. julie's family. In a way, it's a little easier to deal with because they are far away...we don't have to face it on a daily basis. mr. julie is dealing with his own depression issues and has been rather down about his struggles in finding a job lately. That said, I am so impressed with him. He is going to be one hell of a dad. You would never know that he was so freaked out about trying to get pregnant a few months ago. He has a new habit of putting his head up to my belly and talking to the baby, and it is just so freakin' cute. He is also very affectionate with me, which is something that usually is hard for him when he's in a down mode. It's really sweet.
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed these days. Job + consulting + life = not enough hours in the day. I am hoping things will settle down a bit after this week - I have a big presentation to give for my one client on Thursday, and because of the travel and my job I haven't had as much time to work on it. (Hmm, should I perhaps be doing that right now? Oh, screw it....). Part of me just wants to shut everything out and escape for awhile, napping and watching movies or something. It will help being home this weekend for a change.
Okay, off to FINALLY watch Sunday's episode of Mad Men. Love to all!
Oct 14 2009, 10:11 AM
Trust me Michelina I completely understand, I sound all positive right now and then in 3 weeks when I get my period I’m going to go back to complaining about things like a crappy mom in a store or a woman walking down the street pregnant with 2 infants in a stroller! Are you charting at all? I find that it really preoccupies me everyday, at least first thing in the morning… and it’s like it gives me some sense of control, even though I know that’s far from the truth. Mr. C & I talked last night about all of the steps we’ll take before giving up. I think the best decision, financially speaking, would be to become foster parents (which there is a huge need for AND there's little to no wait) with the adoption option… it’s my understanding, at least in the U.S., that they’re not all eligible for permanent adoption so hopefully we could know beforehand & avoid the heartache of giving them back. His aunt & uncle did this with a 3 year old, who is just adorable, and they had to wait til she was like 10 to legally adopt her. But we’ll see if it comes to that.
Julie, I love to hear your description about the “alien invasion”… I hope to experience that one day!
Oct 15 2009, 11:33 AM
Man, Iâ€™m CD7 and having EWCM. Iâ€™m so annoyed. Yesterday at the clinic, my leading follicle (in size) was at 1.2 cm. My doctor had prescribed the new (for me) medication that will stop natural ovulation from occurring, to start when the lead follicle was at 1.3 cm. So the doctor told me theyâ€™d get me to buy it today.
Yesterday I had pain in my right ovary and leg all afternoon, which when I feel it is usually a sign of ovulation or that my period is coming. Well my lead follicle jumped to 1.5 cm, and now Iâ€™m having EWCM. They took blood this morning, and have not left me a message to tell me that Iâ€™m surging, but I swear I am. And last time, they were hesitant to call it a surge b/c the jump in LH was not huge in the blood test, but it fell within the range they were looking for, so they called it a surge.
So now Iâ€™m worried about two things: The first is that b/c of the semi-screw ups that have occurred along the way, theyâ€™re just going to let this one pass without telling me. The second is that theyâ€™ve noted an increase in LH, but didnâ€™t think it was enough to mean I was surging. Either way, Iâ€™m so pissed off and annoyed at this entire process. And you would think that b/c of the sudden increase in follicle size, that it might have been wise for them to recommend I take the new drug this morning, just in case I was about to surge â€¦ but they didnâ€™t, and I am only just thinking of this nowâ€¦ GAHHHHHHHHHHHH. Iâ€™m so annoyed.
I have an insanely good drug plan, which theyâ€™ve known about all along. So what if the new drug costs $130/injection. I get reimbursed. Start me on it when Iâ€™m close to the 1.3 cm, not when Iâ€™m well over!! And why not give me this drug from the get go? SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT. Iâ€™m so frustrated. I hate that I feel smarter and more competent than the frigginâ€™ doctors and nurses who are supposed to be watching over all this stuff for me. I shouldnâ€™t right? Why am I the one constantly catching stuff? Today they were going to send me away without the new drug. I had to remind them about it. And if I had known the damn drug existed, I would have asked for it after my first cycle when I ovulated early and caught them off guard. At least that time my lead follicle was over the 1.8 mm minimum, but none of the other ones were. Iâ€™m so disappointed and annoyed.
And this being the second fertility clinic Iâ€™ve been to, I know that my other option is so much worse. So leaving is not an option, unless I want to have to drive 1.5 hours into rush hour traffic in the mornings every day to have the monitoring done.
Oct 15 2009, 11:57 AM
Just wanted to post this for any large busted busties who might be looking for nursing bras in the future. I'm a 34H and this brand is the most comfortable and supportive I've found so far. (Not being compensated in any way for this, I just know it took me a long time to find one I like, so I'm sharing).http://fanceefreeonline.com/products_new.php
Oct 15 2009, 05:48 PM
Fookie I'm so sorry, it must be so damn irritating to have such limited options. But it does sound like you know more than them so maybe you just start overruling everything they say and insist that it be done your way. I really don't know what other advice to give, I am truly heartbroken for you that you seem to be in incompetent hands! So what does that mean for the month? If you're ovulating right now, can you & Mr. F just go on a 24 sex spree and hope for the best? (((((Fookie)))))
Eyelet, thanks for the tip, will definitely keep in mind.
Oct 15 2009, 05:49 PM
(((Fookie))) I am so sorry to hear your about the incompetence that you are now being faced with. How frustrating. You know your body better than anyone, and it seems that they just aren't paying attention and listening to you. Completely unacceptable. Just curious - do you do a home LH test as well to track impending ovulation yourself? And what is the med you are supposed to start? I am thinking of you. Please let us know how it goes and come here and vent as much as you need.
Julie, your description of Mr. J made me smile. And I hope you are managing to get some R & R! Not too much time left now until you meet your little man!
Cristine, how is it going with the monitor?
Zelda, how are you?
Oct 15 2009, 08:54 PM
Michelina, the monitor still says I am at high fertility but over multiple months it will adjust as it reads my estrogen surge patterns. I anticipate that my LH surge won't be until Monday at the absolute earliest, so I am eager to see my monitor register that. How are you doing?
Oct 16 2009, 06:28 AM
Fookie, I echo everyone's thoughts and wonder if you could just go ahead and have natural intercourse and trust your body? I'm wondering where the concern is that they don't want you to do that? (((Fookie))) I hate doctors' offices incompetence...only had to deal with a *little* of that with the midwife BIOTCH and it stung...hang in there and keep us updated.
As for me, I had a tiny setback this week re: my mental health issues. I'd been having trouble sleeping again although I was getting some sleep - it wasn't restful, and I was feeling some anxiety. Then on Wednesday night we noticed one of our cats was having trouble breathing. We took him to the overnight vet ER and long story short he almost died but made some miraculous turnaround and should be okay - although he is going to have to be on meds now for an enlarged heart.
Anyway, we were at the vet's late, and I was unable to sleep at all on Wednesday night and had a panic attack Thursday morning before work. I managed to make it to work, and I swear, it was like the fates collided...I was standing in the hallway during passing period and the school social worker comes up to me and goes, "You are not okay, what's wrong?" I hesitated to tell her, but it all spilled out.
She got my dear assistant principal to cover my class, and took me to her office where she did some guided imagery and meditation that really helped me relax. She went home over lunch and got me a CD of similar meditation for me to borrow. I got through the day, and we did another session of guided imagery at the end of the school day in which I sort of dozed off!
I ended up telling my two assistant principals (who are my bosses) what was going on. They were incredibly understanding, and one of them ended up telling me she dealt with major insomnia and panic attacks during her first trimester, but it did level out after the hormones settled down.
They told me to take today (Friday) and Monday off...and I have. I am so incredibly grateful to have such an amazing and understanding workplace. I did the guided imagery CD last night and was able to sleep - I woke up often during the night, but I was always able to go back to sleep and this morning feel rested indeed and glad I can take some time off...the type A in me hates to miss work, but I know I have to take care of myself first right now so that I can take care of the baby.
Still have bad gas, creamy white discharge, and zits, but other than that, am okay. My biggest symptoms by far have been emotional ones (obviously). I am not taking the Zoloft, but will talk to the GYN about that when I go in for my 8 week/first appt. in a little over a week.
Phew...what an update. I do hope y'all don't think I'm crazy...this has all come out of left field for me, but my therapist was saying perhaps it was a blessing...so I can learn from this that I am not in control all the time. Definitely a lesson I'm going to have to learn as a mom!
Oct 16 2009, 10:57 AM
(((Zelda))) So sorry to hear about your cat and the anxiety you had to deal with. I'm awfully glad your kitty is okay. My female cat also has a heart condition and she gets medication every day - antihypertensives. I'm also glad you were able to confide in your bosses and are at home today. I hope you are relaxing and being good to yourself. You are right - you need to be good to yourself in order to be good to your baby.
I just sat through a gruelling coffee break of 3 women sharing their labour stories. It was very hard to sit there and listen after TTC for 9 months. I cannot express that much sympathy because I just want to be pregnant so badly. Luckily no-one singled me out as the only woman in the room who hasn't been pregnant. If someone had, my reply was going to be "I'm not sure that's in the cards for us" and leave it at that. It's the most truthful answer I can give, and also will hopefully send the message that I don't want to discuss it.
I think every month I take it harder and harder and my sadness persists longer. I'm at CD6 and am still feeling low. How long will I be sad for at 18 months? That scares me quite honestly.
Oct 16 2009, 10:57 AM
Oh...forgot to add another symptom. I am craving RED MEAT. I have been a vegetarian for almost 10 years, and I really, really want a hamburger. Do you think it would make me sick to eat one?
Oct 16 2009, 11:01 AM
Michelina...we posted at the exact same moment...see, our online brains are linked.
I'm so sorry you are feeling down. SO sorry. I do know the pain and know how much it sucks...one thing I have learned through this early pregnancy lesson is that in moments of suffering, there is something to be learned. For me, I think I am learning I cannot control everything and it is okay not to be perfect. I am not trying to be Pollyanna about this, but perhaps there is some deeper life lesson here...not saying that everything happens for a reason (not sure I believe that)...but I think we can find a reason in everything that happens...a reason to learn. I remember being in the same head space as you are now - so sure it would not happen. As I've said before, the odds are still very good it *will* happen for you...in the meantime, is there someone you can talk to who can help you break down what you are feeling and perhaps learn from it?
Oct 16 2009, 12:52 PM
FYI...just went and ate my first hamburger in almost 10 years. And LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT.
I do think this craving must be pregnancy related...normally red meat totally grosses me out.
Oct 16 2009, 01:07 PM
Zelda, glad to hear you enjoyed your burger! The red meat craving is probably not uncommon in pregnancy.
Thanks also for your words and support. I am trying to look at this as having a bigger purpose, but I keep bringing myself down by having thoughts like "maybe I'm just not meant to be a mother." Yet I sure don't think that of any of the other TTC Busties. I feel like I'm internalizing this and blaming myself for not being pregnant. I could talk to a counsellor, but am hesitant for some reason.
I just started crying again at work.
Maybe Mr M and I need to break from this.
Oct 16 2009, 01:11 PM
Hi everyone, I just wanted to post to say that I have been lurking here for some time - just reading and following everyone's experiences. Although my husband and I are not trying to conceive at the moment, it is definitely something we face in the near future (within the next year or two). I think that you are all wonderful sources of knowledge and support for each other and I only hope that when it is our turn this tread is still active with busties like yourselves. Maybe at that time I will be catching some of you on your second time around
I wish you all the best!!!
Oct 16 2009, 01:41 PM
coffeebean, thanks for the nice words...this thread has been a lifesaver many times over!
((((Michelina)))) I am so so so sorry you are feeling so low. One thing is...with every low point, you know there has to be a high point following - even if it's just a better outlook about TTC. You ARE meant to be a mom...trust me, I know how it is...with these anxiety issues I, too, thought maybe the fates were telling me I wasn't meant to be a mom...that's the irrational fear inside of us talking.
I understand being hesitant about wanting to talk to a counselor, but I highly suggest it. It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist...just a licensed clinical social worker or something...anyone to help you bounce around these feelings and make sense of them.
Taking a break might be a good idea. At the same time, you just started this progesterone, and I think you owe it to yourself to try for a few months and see how it goes...I think you might be wondering if you stopped that what would be going on if you continued it. Of course, that's what I would be thinking - you and Mr. M should do whatever feels right for you.
Thinking of you...
Oct 16 2009, 05:29 PM
Thinking of you...I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I agree with zelda, if you can see your way toward talking with a therapist or a counselor of some sort, that might be a real help. I know it's hard to take that first step and make the call - I had my therapist's card rattling around in my purse for about a year before I finally called her (after I hit a crisis).
I, too, believe you are going to be a mom. I don't know when, or whether it will happen through pregnancy, or what, but I believe this is going to happen for you. Also, don't want to in any way negate your feelings, but keep in mind that starting hormones of any kind can kind of do a number on your system and that new progesterone may be making the negative feelings more intense right now.
My advice, such as it is, is to talk things over before you make any big decisions. You can always decide to take a break for awhile if that's what you decide would be best for you right now, or you can decide to try to ride it out for awhile and see how things go. Know that we're here to support you no matter what you do.
zelda, sorry that you had a setback, but glad to hear that you let people help you and glad to hear that things seem to be going better for you. I think learning how to let other people help me, and to ask for what I need are the most important things I've learned the last few years. I'm sorry it took some crappy situations for me to learn these things, and I'll probably have to re-learn these things again a few times, but I guess sometimes that's what it takes. Anyway, I agree that taking care of YOU is one of the best things you can do for your little baby bean.
Oh, I'm not a vegetarian, but I have never eaten so many burgers in my damn life as I have during this pregnancy. My friend tells me we crave them because of the iron content. All I know is that they are fucking delicious and my poor kid is going to be completely addicted to McDonald's by the time he emerges.
Oct 16 2009, 06:08 PM
Coffeebean, thank you for popping in and adding your lovely thoughts about the forum.
((((Michelina)))) I hope you feel better soon. I think that this is probably just part of the cycle of hope and disapointment, and that optimism will kick in again soon. But it definitely couldn't hurt to chat about it with someone. If you contacted your local fertility clinic, they could probably direct you to a counsellor who specializes in patients dealing with reproduction-related disapointments. My clinic has a sign up by the coffee machine with a counsellor's name and her number. I hope you feel better soon.
Zelda, I'm so glad your cat is OK. This sounds like the very same thing that happened to my niece's cat in August. Her's is OK too. Pets are such an important part of the family once they're there. Whenever my mom dogsits our dog, the house is so empty. Not to mention that our dog is suck. A 60lb suck, who will let me spoon her and cry in her fur whenever I need to. I'm so sorry you had to go through the anxiety related to his illness, but so happy he's going to be fine. What an amazing and wonderful reaction your principals and school counsellor had. She must be just amazing, to have recognized that you were not OK just be looking at you. I'm very interested in this guided imagery.
Well, back at the clinic this morning and nothing was mentioned about me ovulating. I don't know what to think anymore. The good news is all the follicles had grown very nicely. Looks like I have four or five in the running, depending on when they trigger me. Tomorrow's appointment will be the true test of whether they're still there and growing. Maybe I'm just growing crazy? Maybe the fact that the follicle grew so much in one day is the pain I was feeling? Maybe all that EWCM is just remnents of the lubricant they put on the ultrasound wand (probe!).... who knows. I'm sorry for being such a basket case in my last post. I am much more hopeful now that things are not lost for this month.
To answer some of the questions ... it's not that I couldn't just have lots of sex and hope for the best, it's that if you ovulate before your follicles are at least 1.8cm, they're too small to be mature/good quality eggs. So ovulating at 1.5 is not a good thing at all. If all works out, we should be inseminating Monday and Tuesday or Tuesday and Wednesday.
Hosting a dozen people for our "anti-family" thanksgiving tomorrow night (ha!). So it will keep my mind occupied for the second I wake up tomorrow.
Thinking of you all.
Oct 17 2009, 05:46 AM
Fookie, I'm glad things seem to be back on track for you this cycle. I couldn't believe it when it seemed as if the clinic had screwed-up yet again. I have my fingers crossed that Monday and Tuesday/ Tuesday and Wednesday go well so lots of sperm find their way to your lovely ripe eggs and do their thing!
Jenny, I'm so sorry to hear about your scare, but glad that things are okay now. It sounds like you were cared for excellently at the hospital, which much be reassuring. You and Julie must be so excited to be so close to finally meeting your little men.
Zelda, thank goodness your cat is going to be okay. It must feel like a true test of your strength with everything that's going on right now! Look after yourself and the little bean.
(((Michelina))). I don't really know what to say, other than I'm sorry you feel such despair - I agree with Julie that the extra hormones may not be helping in terms of your emotions. I hope you do find someone you can talk to who is understanding.
I'm 8 days into my luteal phase, and feeling pretty low right now. I was filled with optimism last weekend when I last posted; feeling like we'd had some well-timed sex and generally being grateful for the chance to even be trying again considering how bleak things looked a couple of months ago. But now? Well, the cynic in me knows it would be just too hokey and fairytale for me to get pregnant this month. Even with good timing and the polyp-free uterus the chance of me not being pregnant is greater than that chance that I am. But despite the pessimism, I'll probably still go through the "are my boobs sore?" phase, where I keep poking by boobs to see if they're sore, then they end up sore from all the poking...
Oh, and two of my friends announced their pregnancies on facebook last week with uploaded 12-week scan photos. Remind me NOT to do that if I ever do get pregnant!
Oct 17 2009, 08:44 AM
Funnybird, I so hear you on the FB ultrasound photos! They drive me kind of crazy. And I don't mind pregnant belly pics - they can be quite cute and I don't blame people for being excited. What sort of disturbs me is the women that literally strip into bras and panties to show their naked bellies. And sometimes that is more than I want to see!
I also hear you on the pessimistic feeling because the chance in any one cycle of not being pregnant is always higher. I am not the one to give good advice on being positive right now. All I can say is don't beat yourself up for those feelings. They are normal and I think everyone on here can relate. I am hoping for you.
Fookie, I am really glad to hear things are looking up for you this cycle. I am also hoping for you. I have a question about IUI. I would be interested in trying it without meds at least to start. Is that acceptable in your clinic or are meds pretty much mandatory?
Thanks for everyone's kind words and support. It means so very much. I saw my mom yesterday and she expressed concern that I am in a depression. I ended up crying in the restaurant over dinner. She really wants me to go see a counsellor. It's funny - I never hesitated when it was over relationship issues or break ups in the past. Maybe taking that step would make it feel more real for me. Maybe that's what I am frightened of. I told my mom that I am at the point where I feel sad during my period, and after my period I feel anxious about the upcoming sadness when I again find out I'm not pregnant! She was really supportive and although I tried to not share this with her over the last couple of months, I don't regret having that talk.
My mom actually just went through a break up and has been very down. I have tried my best to support her through this. I told her yesterday that I want to be pregnant to give her some good news - some news that will make her happy and pull her out of the state she has been in. She cried when I said that and said all she wants is for me to be happy.
Oct 17 2009, 01:03 PM
Michelina and Funny, thank you for your kind words.
Just jumping on really quick to answer Michelina's question. Michelina, lots of people do IUI without the meds. So I'm sure whatever clinic you go to would be ok with that. BUT... there was a big study out of the UK last year that showed that for unexplained infertility (not sure about other infertility) there is no increased pregnancy by just doing IUI without the meds.
Something else to think about, is that the IUI won't be covered by insurance or your provincial health plan. That costs about $400/months. Also, most clinics will charge you a yearly monitoring fee of about $250 (blood and ultrasound monitoring. If you're insured at all for meds, the meds would be covered (to whatever precentage or limit your plan covers). So... in my mind, if you're going to be spending the $400 out of pocket on the IUI ... why not increase your chances by adding in the meds? And why not take full advantage of the monitoring fee by being in cycles where they're monitoring the crap out of you
But I know it's a big step to imagine. Because we have such great health insurance through Mr. F's job, we jumped right in. We didn't even do the clomid (oral pills to stimulate extra ovulation). We went right to injectables (a lot more expensive) b/c clomid has a lot of side effects (one of them being thinning your uterine lining) and the injectables are much truer to your natural hormones.
Anyway, Michelina, I think you've still got your fair share of hope and chances before moving on to this step. You'd probably have to get referred to an RE or fertility clinic and there are still more steps for you to go through with your family doc before that happens. Remind yourself that you've only just started playing with a full deck of cards. The short luteal phase was likely a major impediment to you getting pregnant. That being said, if your doc wants to go ahead and do the dye test, saline test, and any thing else, while you're still trying. Go for it. It's good to know that everything else is working or not, before you decide to move on to more invasive treatments.
My appointment went well this morning. My lead follicle is now 1.8, so officially mature. The others are 2 or 3 at 1.4 and another at 1.5. So with an average growth of about .2 per day I'm guessing they'll have me doing the back to back IUI Monday and Tuesday.
Oct 17 2009, 03:26 PM
Michelina, that coffee break conversation sounds unbearable! I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time this cycle. If you feel like seeing a counselor would be beneficial for you then I say go for it! If you feel like taking time off would be therapeutic for you & Mr. M, then do whatever you need to do. I do agree with what has been said about the progesterone throwing your emotions all over the place, so just keep that in mind with whatever decision you guys need to make. But I do second what Zelda said about just starting progesterone and then taking a couple months off and wondering what might have been, that too would consume me. I really do still believe it's just a matter of time for you and, were I in your shoes, I would continue the progesterone at least for now. My heart goes out to you right now!
Fookie, I am so glad you're more hopeful now... don't apologize for anything, what you're going through is a very complex process. I'm hoping this month did end up working well for you, fingers crossed for you this week!
Funny, I haven't given up hope for you this month... I know you're discouraged by your perceived "odds" for this month, but I really no longer believe in the perfect month for conception. I mean, didn't Zelda only get 1 day of productive sex in during the month she conceived? I am going to stay optimistic for you!
Oct 18 2009, 11:17 AM
So last night I went to a friend's 30th birthday party and, after a few drinks, she starts expressing her concerns about the health of her eggs & that she only has 5 years to get pregnant. So I told her not to be concerned about it at all and that even though 5 years may be ideal, 10 years is most certainly possible! And then she said she just has this gut feeling that she won't be able to get pregnant and she's never gotten pregnant on accident. Instantly I got so upset, on her behalf, and said that any unfounded & unsubstantiated (sp?) feeling should be dismissed. I told her that I've never accidentally gotten pregnant, not that I'm a fricken case study, but still! Her fiance is not ready for kids yet and I'm sure that's part of what's fueling her stress, but I told her to talk to me seriously when she's ready to try... she got all excited about conceiving at the same time so I believe she might.
Ok then the other conversation I had was with a friend that I had a falling out with over a decade ago, she's a brand new mom of an 8 month old and we got into an amazing conversation about motherhood & breastfeeding. I felt so comfortable with her that I hinted that we've been leaving it up to the fates since we got married and asked her if it took her long at all to get pregnant, she said she was successful on the first month & said sorry about it not happening for us yet. Then later in the night after many drinks, one friend asked this one if she'll use IUI again next time. I immediately looked up from my glass of wine and said WHAT? And she said "oh her husband's old", ok that's fine and all but that's no excuse to say "Oh, what, me? Nope just took 1 month!".
At the end of the night I just wanted to corral all the women and say, ok can we please just start talking openly about this topic with each other from now on?!
And now to end with a funny story from the night. One friend had expressed her desire to adopt between the ages of 2-10 and possibly a group of siblings. Mr. C & I told her how admirable that was (and by the way she said it's virtually free through a public and not private agency), and I asked if she & her husband would ever consider conceiving 1 naturally. She said "If we were concerned with having a baby of our own, we'd go home and conceive tonight!".
Oh really, well shit, nobody told ME it was that simple!! It made me laugh inside, privately.
Oct 18 2009, 11:18 AM
Our cat is back home, on meds, and doing well...thank goodness! Thanks for all the kind words...
I've thought about how I will announce the pregnancy on Facebook when the time (hopefully) comes...I think I will just say...I'm pregnant. No pics necessary. And I'm definitely waiting until 13 weeks to say anything. I think ultrasound pics are weird...Michelina, have you been to STFU parents? Hilarious site Julie mentioned a while back. Very funny and might provide a needed lift...
Christine, yes, Mr. Z and I had sex two times during our productive window the month we conceived - on day 11 and day 14. And day 11 was really not close. I think back to the month we did it literally every day and nothing happened and cannot believe how weird/random it all is...
Fookie, good luck with the IUI this week...keep us updated.
Funny...I'll be 8 weeks this Thursday and still do not have sore boobs. I admit to worrying about it, but honestly, I still don't have a ton of symptoms. Weird things like meat cravings, tons of creamy CM, gas that comes and goes, but no sore boobs, no nausea, and not even any fatigue. So hang in there...
My anxiety and insomnia is okay...on and off...glad I still have tomorrow off. I'm managing to get about 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night - wish it were more, but I feel okay during the day, and I think that's the most important sign that I'm getting rest.
I had a weird thing happen last night though...I had a very sexual dream that ended with an orgasm so strong I woke up from my sleep! This has happened to me a handful of times in my life, but I Googled it and found out that a lot of pregnant women have them - especially in the first trimester - because of the rush of blood to the uterus. Weird, huh? I had odd cramping afterward (which I know is normal and which has gone away)...but it was very strange! Not unpleasant, just odd! ;-)
Oct 18 2009, 05:15 PM
For those of you who have just been dying to know, I can now definitely confirm what my cervix feels like when it's open!
We aren't going to kill ourselves with sex this month, as soon as I get a peak fertility read on the monitor we'll plan on 3 straight days of sex with pre-seed.
Oct 18 2009, 06:10 PM
Go, Cristine, go! I actually wish I had gotten the chance to feel my open cervix...I had bad luck with that (or maybe I just didn't try hard enough)...every time I felt my cervix, it felt the same!
Question for FOOKIE: You seem to be very into natural medicine, and I know you've mentioned seeing a naturopath. I was thinking about taking Hyland's Calms gels for my insomnia. According to the packaging, each 4 gram tablet contains passiflora 1x, avena sativa 1x, humulus lupulus 1x, and chamomilla 2x.
My BFF's mom is heavy into homeopathy and says it is absolutely safe...most of what I've read online seems to suggest that homeopathy is totally okay during pregnancy, but of course there are some who are like, "No, don't take anything."
Do you know anything about this from your naturopath? I will ask my OB when I go in next week, but I'm sure I'll get the "you're crazy, right?" look that Western docs seem to give to anything outside the scope of Western medicine.
Michelina, how are you doing? I've been thinking of you...
Oct 19 2009, 06:23 AM
Zelda, I'm glad to hear your kitty is home and doing well. Interesting about the orgasm during sleep and that it happens more frequently in pregnancy. Sounds like a side effect I could deal with. ;-)
Cristine, that is exciting! I have felt my high and open cervix too, and can definitely tell there's a difference. What does your fertility monitor say now? Have you ovulated?
I am doing okay. I am definitely feeling better than I was on Friday. However, now I have another problem. My 15-year-old cat is very sick. She hasn't eaten a full meal since Thursday, and for the last 12 hours she has hidden in a closet pretty much motionless. My other cat started attacking her (it's really awful to see) so we have to now separate them. So now he is in the basement crying and she appears to be in the closet dying. I really think this may be it for her. We will take her to the vet after work. I just hope and pray she isn't in pain.
Oh and an update on my grandma. She had kidney failure for a while, but turned around. Now her blood pressure is erratic and she is still in hospital. She isn't able to walk, but can get in a wheelchair with assistance. She isn't recognizing anyone at all now. All we can hope is that she is comfortable.
And my sister's house is now up for sale so it's only a matter of time until they leave. This has been a very stressful fall.
Oct 19 2009, 08:19 AM
(((Michelina))) I’m glad you’re feeling better with regards to your state of mind and TTC. Sorry about your cat, gran, and sister’s impending move. A difficult fall indeed.
Cristine! You go girl! I’m so impressed with all the cervix touching going on on this thread! I’ve never really taken much interest/notice. Though I do have the added benefit of the ultrasounds and trigger shots to keep track of exactly when I’m ovulating ☺
Zelda, I’m not familiar with any of those remedies, so I can’t give you a specific answer. I can tell you why I trust my naturopath so much, and basically my feeling would be to trust your homeopath if you’ve been comfortable with them in the past. In Canada, naturopathic doctors go through four years of post-graduate schooling to get their degree. So they come in with something related like a science degree, then get their N.D. over four more years of med-school-like study. It is regulated and all N.D.s received the same basic schooling etc. I’m not sure the same thing applies to homeopaths, and I’m not sure exactly how it’s regulated here or in the U.S.
I’m happy to hear about your orgasm dream! I actually get those about twice each month. And I’d be fine with adding some extras in there!
Your comment about Western docs hit home. It’s very timely for me, because on Sunday morning at my clinic. I ended up being put in the position of having to disagree with the on-call doc’s decision to trigger ovulation that day. He got so flustered that he accidentally threw his pen, which was attached to his clipboard, and so actually came back at him and hit him in the face. I actually burst into tears at having to be in the position of disagreeing with his “expert” medical opinion, and then watch him get so flustered he turned into a 10 year old. I went home convinced I had made the wrong decision, and stressed out about it all night. I had two mature follicles, and several that seemed about a day away from maturation. His reasoning was that he didn’t have a crystal ball and couldn’t predict if they’d mature for sure, and that the largest of my two mature follicles might get too big. So…. I decided to go with my gut … and this morning’s ultrasound showed FIVE mature, plus two that could reach maturity overnight ☺ So we triggered this morning, and I’ll be doing the back-to-back IUIs tomorrow and Wednesday.
Oct 19 2009, 09:54 AM
Michelina, so sorry to hear about your grandma! And I feel for you with your kitty, we had to put ours to sleep a few months ago & I still cry over her on occasion. The monitor still says “high” on CD 14… I usually ovulate on CD 16, though fertility friend has detected it as late as CD 18. I feel more confident with this monitor that I will be able to tell for sure this month, I hope it works. I was really hoping I wouldn't see the little egg on the monitor this morning because I'm going out with co-workers after work today, but tomorrow I want to see that egg!!
Fookie, I was really worried last month about whether or not I had ovulated and someone here (I think Julie) suggested trying to find my cervix so I could monitor an additional indicator… it has been an exciting month of learning more about my body! I love how you took charge at the doctor’s office AND that your gut did lead you to the correct decision, that is awesome Fookie!!! I’m sending all my best wishes for you this month!!
Oct 20 2009, 06:31 AM
Thanks, Cristine and Fookie. I took my cat to the vet yesterday and she thinks her kidney's are either failing, or she has an infection. So we decided not to get blood work done as it is very traumatic for her, and instead got an antibiotic injection. If it really is an infection, she should show some improvement soon. She still hasn't eaten a thing and continues to hide in our closet. She got up when I called the word "food" but didn't actually eat. We will make a decision about euthanasia on Thursday. I am so sad about this.
Fookie, I am thinking of you today! Good luck. My fingers and toes are crossed for you. I also thought it was fantastic how you were in control of your own treatment at the clinic. That's what we all need to do!
Cristine, too funny that you will actually see an egg on the monitor! Any eggs show up yet? ;-)
Oct 20 2009, 10:51 AM
Michelina, I hope your cat responds well to the antibiotics and an infection is all that the problem is! No egg yet, I don't think I pee'd enough so I decided to test again 2 hours later and found out that the monitor will not accept a test that it doesn't ask for... so no egg yet. I had some EWCM yesterday but no sex and I was weighing out whether or not we should have sex tonight based on the egg that I didn't see. It's making me nervous that the monitor may not work well for me, but we're trying to save up his sperm for the optimal days. I have to remember that last month I did the OPK on CD 14 & CD 15, which neither day was fertile for me... so based on that cycle, the egg on the monitor may very well not show until tomorrow on CD 16.
Oct 21 2009, 06:36 AM
Michelina, you are really going through it, girl...please hang in there. I do believe bad things tend to come in batches...and you're due for a GOOD batch, soon...
My BFF left me a message this morning (I was asleep and didn't hear the phone)...she is in early labor and has gone to the hospital. Thinking of her!
I cannot wait for my first appointment on Monday. Latest symptom is a patch of incredibly dry skin on my chin that will not go away...and right underneath it is an enormous, painful zit. I wish my skin would make up its mind.
I ate meat again yesterday...
Oct 21 2009, 10:31 AM
So.....are you ready for my latest freakout?
These past few days...I just don't "feel" pregnant. Granted, I have not had crazy symptoms (unless you count the panic attacks)...never had sore boobs, fatigue...just zits, gas, creamy white discharge.
But these past few days I feel so normal I'm scaring myself.
When I went into the ER weeks ago when I had that first bad panic attack, they did a transvaginal ultrasound. I was 5 weeks 2 days and they saw the sac but no heartbeat, but the technician told me most of the time you can't see the heartbeat until at least 6 weeks if not later.
I'm terrified that when I go in for my exam on Monday they won't find the heartbeat and I will have a blighted ovum. I wish I felt more pregnant!!!
Am I crazy? God, I want to see that heartbeat so badly.
Oct 21 2009, 10:49 AM
Zelda congratulations on your meaty appetite! I love meat as it is, so it might get kinda crazy for me when I am pregnant! That is super exciting about your BFF!
On CD 16 I have an egg! So I could ovulate today, tomorrow or the day after... we'll see! I woke up my husband by saying "I'm fertile!" & he replied "Good!", so he's been sufficiently warned of a few days of exhaustion.
I'm not getting my hopes up but between the monitor & checking my cervix, I do feel a bit more positive.
And I found a strange confidant in an ex-boyfriend from my senior year of high school. He found me recently, via the wonderful world of Facebook, and through many emails I found out he is not fertile. He said that any treatments result in painful surgical procedures which are quite costly and have a low rate of success. He's a very unique guy that I could talk about anything with, so I'm happy we connected at this specific time in my life.
Oct 21 2009, 10:57 AM
Zelda, I can imagine how something like that would stress you out but I think you can be comforted by the fact that they didn't seem concerned. I guess that's why they don't do a lot of early exams, so as not to cause unnecessary concern to the mother. I would say that since you have been a vegetarian for so long, the meat cravings seem to be a huge symptom of your pregnancy! So even if you don't "feel" pregnant, there are clear changes going on in your body! Hang in there...
Oct 22 2009, 06:36 AM
Zelda, I can also imagine how the first ultrasound would be stressful and anxiety provoking. I concur with Cristine - you do have symptoms even though they may not be the "typical" ones, and that is definitely a good sign. Also you have had no spotting (I assume anyway!) or other complications. But no matter what, that worry about the first ultrasound will not go away until you see your bean's little heart beating. Is Mr Z going with you to the ultrasound? I hope so!
Cristine, yay for the egg! Have fun!
Funnybird, I have been thinking about you. How are you doing?
My cat's condition has improved a little, although she is still ill. Now we have decided to give it a little more time to make a decision. If she hadn't improved, I would have been planning to put her down today. The thought of that is hard, but I felt that would only be fair. I have lots of CM and am thinking I'll ovulate in a few days. Not very inspired to TTC this cycle, but at least with the cat improving, that will make it a little easier. I had thoughts of getting back from the clinic after euthanizing her and being like, "OK let's get it on" to Mr. M because I'm ovulating. Yeah, doesn't really work.
Oct 22 2009, 08:40 AM
Zelda, I can understand your anxiety, BUT! Please keep in mind that woman and every pregnancy is different, so just because your symptoms aren’t ‘text book’ it doesn’t mean they aren’t significant. It’s just your little bean making their presence felt in their own unique way. Try and focus on the joy and relief you and Mr. Z will feel when you hear that little heart beating and remember: “Hope doesn’t make bad things happen!”
Michelina, I’m glad to hear your cat’s condition has improved. I’m sorry you have to go through this ordeal when you are already feeling fragile.
Architect Boy and I went out for dinner last night with pregnant SIL and her boyfriend. It was only the second time I’d seen them since finding out she’s pregnant, and I have to confess that I was dreading it; worrying that I’d be too consumed with envy to enjoy their company. I’m glad to say it was fine and we had a lovely time. She seems very cool and laid-back about the pregnancy – it cropped up in conversation a couple if times but mostly we were catching-up on other stuff. I feel silly for getting myself so worked up about it now. SIL has always been more mature and maternal than me (despite being only 2 months older) so it does seem natural that she should be the first to become a mother, and if/when it happens for me I’ll have the benefit of her experience and advice.
I am 13 dpo, and trying to remain pessimistic so as to avoid disappointment. I had some light cramping around days 9 and 10, and the occasional cramp and twinge since then, but I’m trying my best to credit it to something I ate. My temperature should have dropped by the weekend – I’m hoping it holds out until Saturday so at least I’ll have AB’s company for comfort and I won’t have to go to work. (After what I just wrote to Zelda I really do suck at taking my own advice, don’t I?)
Cristine, Hooray for your egg! I hope you’ve been busy ;-)
Fookie, how did things go at the clinic this week?
Oct 22 2009, 09:46 AM
Oh, funnybird, we all suck at taking our own advice. It's just human nature. I'm thinking good thoughts for you, dear, hang in there.
Michelina, I'm so sorry about all the stuff you've had to deal with lately. We had a similar episode with our kitty last year - all the sudden he seemed to be having trouble walking and lost control of his bladder function, and he didn't want to eat. The really bad thing was that we took him to the vet and he didn't even try to maul the vet tech like he usually does (they usually have to gas him in order to examine him, he's that bad). We didn't want to euthanize him at the vet's office where he would be all stressed out, so our vet gave us the number of a vet that will come to your home and euthanize your pet where he/she is more comfortable. Well, thank goodness that person didn't call back right away, because our kitty made a miraculous recovery later in the day and two days later was back to normal. So I hope things work out for your kitty - our kitty is an old guy (17!) but it will still be hard when it's his time to go. Thinking of you...
zelda, your feelings pre-ultrasound are completely normal. At my first appointment people kept congratulating me, and since they didn't do the ultrasound until the end of the appointment, I kept thinking, "Yeah, how about congratulating me AFTER we confirm that there's someone in there!" Keep in mind that even though the blighted ovum does happen sometimes, it's not all that common. And your lack of (perceived) symptoms is completely normal too. Trust me, there will be plenty of time for symptoms. You will laugh at yourself later on (I sure have) when things in your body have gone all wonky from the pregnancy and you think back to the days when you were worried about not having enough symptoms. Here's me laughing at my old self: Ha ha HA ha ha....HA ha!
Cristine, good luck this month! The fertility monitor sounds interesting...I'm eager to hear how it works out for you.
jenny_dreadful, hope you and your little guy are doing well! Thinking of you...
ananke and eyelet, hope the girls are doing well!
As of yesterday I have five weeks to go. Holy crap. I'm having that "gotta cram for the test" feeling again. Baby shower is this weekend, and my mom is coming into town for it. My sister was supposed to come too, but unfortunately she tested positive for mono this week so she can't come. She is super-bummed...I am too, but I'm glad to have my mom visit. Oh, I also feel SOOO behind on our to-do list...gotta pick a pediatrician, gotta decide what the hell we're going to do about circumcision, gotta decide on a final name (although I think we're close on that one), gotta clear out all our crap so that there is room for the baby in the nursery/guest room....and most nights all I want to do is lie down on the couch. mr. julie is still unemployed, which is rather disheartening for him and a little stressful for me, but I'm like, oh well, we'll figure it out somehow.
I keep trying to remind myself that people do this all the time with far fewer resources that we have, and in the end it will all work out. Just like the most important thing about getting married is that you get to spend the rest of your life with the person you love (and not to have the "perfect" wedding), I try to remember that the most important thing about having a baby is that we get to have a baby (and not that he has the perfect nursery or money socked away for college or whatever) and that what babies need most in life are their parents and other people who love them. And our little guy will have that in spades. That said, see my comment to funnybird above...we are all terrible at taking our own advice!
Love to all....
Oct 22 2009, 10:25 AM
Michelina, I’m glad your kitty is doing better and hope her recovery continues… is she eating yet? What cycle day are you on?
Funny, how long is your LP usually? I still reserve the right to be optimistic for you!
So Mr. C & I got busy last night and can I just say that he LOVED the pre-seed!!! After discussing it first he decided he wanted the full dosage by the way, worked great! I still have an egg on my monitor but that’s pretty much irrelevant since it didn’t request a test from me, it will up until it sees an LH surge & then give you 2 automatic peak days followed by 1 it-could-still-be-possible-to-conceive day. My temp went up today to the highest point of this cycle, I did feel a mild sensation from my right ovary yesterday afternoon… so I very well could have ovulated! We’ll of course have sex again tonight, but I feel pretty happy about the timing this month. I’m dreading a Halloween party this year as I would be avoiding drinking in front of all of our friends, which I didn’t want to be public about it until I knew I could be pregnant… that would only be 11 DPO at the earliest so probably too soon for a reliable test.
Oct 22 2009, 10:33 AM
hey gals. k.
im likely 5-6 days past my ovulation, and the boy & i had upsex a couple days before that.. feeling crampy & queasy & headachy. we werent actually trying to conceive, but he had mentioned he'd like me to have a baby bump, then didnt pull out like he normally would.. knowing i was red-flag-fertile.. (am i being too descriptive? i think bust gals can handle it, maybe not Mommies 'R Us board.. this is my first post..)
we havent been together long, and he had a bit of a flail the next day, saying he needed space.. i let him go have space.. he's been calling & coming around, but things feel like they've changed.
im kinda freaked i might be pregnant, and kinda excited too.. i dont expect my period for another 9 days or so.. how on earth am i supposed to wait that long, especially when things are kinda shaky with us.. i have to know for sure before i tell him, but i cant look him in the eye.. i cant keep a secret to save my life. im pretty sure he's the dude i want to spend my life with, and i was pretty sure he felt the same way, till the flail last weekend..
maybe im just making up feelings of crampy queasy headaches cause of anxiety. maybe i need to chill the F out. sheesh. cramps are definitely there. no imagining..
support? thanks. laura.
Oct 22 2009, 11:52 AM
Hi Laura... about the cramps, since I started trying to get pregnant I've noticed that I get them in varying degrees every month. So I don't think that is a reliable indicator, the headaches could be anything and I'm not sure what would be causing queasiness at 5-6 DPO. This will be the longest wait of your life regardless of the drama going on in your relationship, but I would definitely wait to tell him until you know for sure. I hope whatever the outcome is will be best for you!
Oct 22 2009, 04:51 PM
Hi everyone...thanks for the reassuring words. I don't know why I had this sudden worry...I guess because it is getting close to my exam date. I cannot wait for it! Only four more days to go.
Funny and Laura, re: symptoms...don't even try to analyze. I know I only heard it on this thread about 5 billion times and never believed it, but honestly, I had ZERO symptoms prior to testing positive...the only odd thing was a few more zits than normal and that's IT. So Funny, don't give up hope, and Laura, I am sure it's got to be difficult given your relationship situation, but just hang in there...when you're not trying to conceive it seems like that is when it happens, but honestly, I wouldn't be too worried if you really don't want to be pregnant. My husband and I had wild, unprotected sex many, many times for 9 months before I turned out PG, so the odds are in your favor if you are not 100% sure you want to be pregnant. Of course, if you are, you will have lots of questions to ask yourself, but try to take it day by day...I wouldn't test until at least the day your period is due.
Christine, glad the Mr. liked the Preseed...Mr. Z said it seemed no different from any other lube we tried, but I kinda liked it better than KY myself...hope this is your month!
Michelina, so sorry about the cat. Believe me, I have been there just recently and know how hard it is. You have so much going on...I do hope you are finding someone to unload on. Hang in there....
Julie, I know it must be scary to get everything ready, but you are so right...it doesn't matter if all the nursery colors are perfectly coordinated. What matters is you and the Mr. have love in your hearts and are ready for this new baby! Woot woot!
My BFF delivered her baby last night...oddly enough, even though she was using the midwife service, she ended up having an OB deliver because she needed an emergency C section. AND the OB who delivered her is the same OB I will be going to!!! What are the odds!
She was in labor for almost 20 hours and never progressed beyond 1 cm. She said the pain was insane and was eternally grateful for the epidural...said the pain would have been easier to take had she known she was progressing, but it seemed so fruitless with no dilation. The C-section went well and mom and baby are doing just great. Mr. Z and I are going to visit them tonight!
Oct 23 2009, 04:20 AM
Hi Laura. To add to what the others have said, I think it’s very unlikely that you would have any symptoms this early on. Even if conception did take place, the fertilized egg won’t have implanted in your uterus yet so your body wouldn’t know it was pregnant. I also know from experience that it is completely impossible to stop yourself from analysing every little twinge, so go ahead but try not to drive yourself too crazy! Are you taking folic acid? It’s super-important to do so if there is any chance at all you may be pregnant. (Okay, mother-hen lecture over!) I hope things with your boyfriend sort themselves out and stop causing you stress.
My temperature held out for this morning, which means very little as it usually drops on day 15, which will be tomorrow. Still, I had a terrible nights sleep – fitfully dreaming about trying to take my temp but either not being able to find my thermometer or it giving me the reading in Fahrenheit rather than Celsius - and I woke up totally drenched in sweat. Yuck! Oh why can’t I calmly accept my fate each month?
Julie, I can’t believe you’re nearly there! Where did the last 8 months go?? You must be so excited. I can understand the instinct to plan and try and get everything under control before the baby comes, but I don’t think you can ever really prepare yourself for a first child. Choosing names must be fun. Are you and Mr. J in harmony on the subject?
Oct 23 2009, 06:02 AM
funnybird, glad to hear the dinner with your SiL went well, I totally understand how you would've been dreading it, and I'm keeping 'em crossed for you this month.
Michelina I'm so sorry to read about the tough time you're having this month. I'm sending positive thoughts for your cat and for your grandma. It sounds like you had a good chat with your mum, I'm glad that you are getting this support.
Fookie, I am thinking about you this week, and am hoping that this month brings good news. It sounds really distressing having to deal with the situation you described, and I am hugely impressed at your conviction and your ability to stand your ground against your doctor's expert opinion. I get so meek in hospital environments that you are my hero for standing strong like this! Fingers crosed.
Cristine, this month sounds so positive, I really hope it's your month! How funny that you should reconnect with your old bf at such an appropriate time in your lives, great that you've got someone to talk to in this way.
Zelda, I'm going to echo what everyone else is saying, this kind of anxiety pre-scan is totally understandable. I burst into tears in the waiting room I was so hyped up and anxious, and I was so dreading being told that I had a blighted ovum or any number of other terrible things. It is such a huge milestone and such an incredible relief to see the heartbeat. I had very few symptoms early in my pregnancy, and totally relate to the not feeling pregnant feeling! Try not to let your mind wander down those dark alleys, all will be well.
Julie! 5 weeks to go! Good God... I have 7 weeks to go as of Wednesday - we really are just 2 weeks apart! I am beginning to get major unprepared feelings. I had a bad dream about taking my degree again this week (I graduated 12 years ago!) and not being prepped for the exams, so my brain is definitely in STUDY mode! My flat is not ready for a baby, all we own is the pram/buggy combo and some baby grows, and I don't know how to look after a baby! I finish work in 3 weeks time and I am suffering some separation anxiety about that. Work is a massive part of my life (and social life!). If I think about it too much I get the freak out feelings.
I totally understand your feelings around resources. I look at other people having babies who have their families nearby, or lots of money or a big house (with a dedicated room for baby which we definitely don't have) and feel worried, and I just keep remembering that we're going to love the baby so much and we love him so much already that that is all that really matters. We're going to give him everything he needs, and what he really needs is lots of love and affection and feelings of security, and he doesn't need a super fancy baby gym or a special baby wardrobe.
It's 2 weeks since my emergency dash to hospital, and so far no more bleeding, thank God. I saw my consultant doctor at the hospital who said it was probably just one of those things, which I am equally assured and unnerved by. I am terrified every time I go to the loo in case there is fresh blood, but I think I'm just going to have to allow that until the end of my pregnancy now.
Otherwise the little man seems to be doing OK in there. Julie, your description of an alien invasion is spot on! I feel him ripple across me in multiple places. I can't tell if it's a foot, arm or a bum that I can feel, but whatever it is it's got a lot more strength behind it now. I think he had hiccups the other day, he was kicking me once a second for about 20 mins. The Mr swears he could hear a hiccup noise when he held his ear to my belly. I'm getting a bit of an ache in my pelvis when I walk around, and I think his head may now be engaged. On my notes it says he has moved 1/5 down into my pelvis, which I think means only 4/5 of his head can be felt. It hasn't stopped him being very wriggly, and now it feels like I feel him more of the day than I don't feel him.
The Mr is away this weekend, and while I'm seeing friends tomorrow and spending some time with my brother on Sunday, I'm looking forward to some alone time for rumination on the whole I'm going to be a mum thing. At times it feels too massive a concept to fit into my head.
Oct 23 2009, 07:50 AM
Funnybird, I am also being optomistic for you! Fingers are crossed for you. And if not this month, I really do believe you will get some good news soon. You know now that you can get pregnant... and it is definitely your turn for some good news!
Julie, I believe you have all of the tools that are needed to raise a baby. The rest doesn't really matter. It sounds like a pretty normal worry - especially for the first, but it sounds like you know that you will provide your little one with all the truly important stuff. I am so excited for you!
Jenny, so glad to hear that you haven't had any more bleeding. It's not that much longer for you either! I look forward to some baby news in the next 5 to 7 weeks.
Zelda, congrats on your BFF"s baby! How are they? I love that she had her baby just as you are newly pregnant. It will be wonderful having children so close in age.
Cristine, glad to hear you are having fun. Your positive and optomistic attitude about this process is always uplifting. Everything is crossed for you too.
Laura, I second Funnybird's suggestion. Any woman who COULD get pregnant should really take a multi every day. It's an easy thing to do and it doesn't cost much. It reduces the risk of open spina bifida by about 70% so it is super important. I hope that you get the result that you want in the next week. Please let us know how you are and come here for support anytime. I have had unprotectedand well timed sex for 9 months now and no pregnancy. My sister on the other hand had unprotected sex for one or two months and fell pregnant. One just can never know. Thinking of you...
My cat's condition is still improving. Now our challenge is the other cat. He is still viciously attacking her. So we will keep her in our room until she is completely better and then will reintroduce. I thought cats were supposed to be easy pets! We are just so happy that she is on the up.
I am on CD13, but my OPK strips still haven't arrived so I don't know my status. According to the last few months, I shouldn't ovulate for 2 more days. However, my temp was mildly elevated today. There is an off chance it is over, but that would be unusual. If that's the case, then we completely missed it. We haven't had sex at all this week with everything going on. I realize now how dependent I am on those damn strips. Hopefully they'll be in the mail today. Anyway, a break this month wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
Oct 23 2009, 10:34 AM
Jenny, I’m so glad to hear you’ve had no more bleeding!
Michelina, that’s great that your kitty is still improving… so I’m assuming she is eating now.
I am not feeling too hopeful now since we didn’t have time for sex last night, my 2nd peak day. My temperature did drop to the lowest point since my period stopped, so maybe there’s a chance I ovulate today? Who knows, based on my crazy temps last month… I’ll check my cervix later & we’ll try to give it a shot tonight.
Oct 23 2009, 10:56 AM
Cristine, I don't think that hope is lost for you at all. As Zelda demonstrated, it just takes one time! :-) I have noticed that I sometimes have a temp drop with ovulation too so it very well is happening today.
The mail came today and no OPK strips. Oh well.
My kitty is eating about 1/3 to 1/2 the usual amount. She needs quite a bit of coaxing to eat, but it is a definite improvement.
Oct 23 2009, 04:36 PM
Thanks Michelina... the one difference I noticed between Wednesday & Thursday, is that Thursday my cervix was super super high. Today it is a little lower and my cervical fluid is creamy (sorry for the detailed description) but I think that means I ovulated Wednesday or Thursday and we so should have had sex on Thursday too! I've given up on the idea of Mr. C's sperm swimming around waiting for an egg, just based on our previous months... I really think we need to hit it on the exact day, if not minute! I think this is the earliest in my cycle that I've been depressed since TTC.
And you might want to just go to the store to pick up an OPK so you don't miss it this month. I'm very glad to hear your cat appears to be on the mend.
Oct 23 2009, 07:14 PM
thanks for the replies all- ive been taking my folic acid, extra iron (was anemic this summer) and a prenatal multi, just in case.. trying to not think about it too much (ahem.. this is me keeping a straight face) and things with J are feeling easy/solid. he was poking me in the belly today, saying he thinks he put a baby in me the other day, and i just about threw my cup of tea at his forehead.. he laughed and said its perfect timing for us to either have a baby or not, together..
we went for a walk on the ocean and saw two whales swim by. whatever happens, im happy.
Oct 24 2009, 05:40 AM
Laura, glad you're feeling happy. Keep us posted.
I'm not pregnant - my period started late last night. I cried myself to sleep and started again as soon as I woke up this morning. 2009 has been one kick-in-the-teeth after another, so I've decided to throw in the towel for the rest of the year as far as actively trying is concerned. No more temping, charting and OPKs, just sex when we feel like it and eating and drinking whatever I like. I feel better for having made the decision. I'm just going to enjoy spending time with my healthy sweetie-pie husband instead and focus on appreciating what I have already.
I'm going to stick around here so I can keep up with y'all.