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Funnybird, I am sorry that those results were not ready. How disorganized on the hospital's part. Hoping that you get good news next week.

I forgot to mention that my doctor also thinks I have HPV due to the external appearance of my vag. Isn't that lovely? The doctor said the fibroid is too small to remove, but appears to be making my uterus an abnormal shape. The bottomline is that there are multiple concerns, but nothing concrete enough to simply fix. I am feeling absolutely devastated and hopeless tonight. I don't even have any inspiration to have sex this cycle. Mr. M is worried too now and may feel it's futile. We hardly saw each other today so we just got a few minutes to talk about.

I just sobbed to my mom on the phone, and now feel guilty for making her worry. Sorry for the pity party. Love to you all.
Zelda, thanks for your suggestions. They are good ones. But no, everyone is too busy and I am going it alone.
Oh Michelina, I am so sorry you are feeling so low. I really am...I have insomnia and am awake and just read your post and it broke my heart. No need to apologize for any pity party. You've gotten some information that has made you upset, and that makes sense. And I'm glad you sobbed on the phone to your mom...that's what moms are there for, and I think it was good to let it out.

I'm suspicious of the doctor thinking they can't remove the fibroid. What does he/she say as far as TTC? I can't believe they would just say, "Well, sorry, you have a fibroid, so see you later." If they do say something along those lines, I think you should go for a second opinion for sure.

As for the HPV, I know a million women who have this, and they have never been told it could impede conception. A friend of mine with a severe case who had to have a colposcopy where they removed portions of her cervix is on her second pregnancy - there are *many* things they can do if HPV has significantly impacted your cervix (like sew it shut to maintain the pregnancy). BUT this is only in severe cases...for most women HPV is just something they need to monitor with pap smears. I don't think I've ever heard of it affecting the shape of the vagina - but even if it did, I don't see how that could interfere with the sperm getting to the egg.

I'm sorry, I know you probably just want to vent and not get a ton of Pollyanna advice, but I still have faith that this is fixable. You're young, you are ovulating regularly, you have a partner who makes healthy sperm. To me, you've got several of the components you need, and I do think you will still be able to have a baby.

I'm thinking of you (lots) and looking forward to hearing what the doc says on Monday.

Oh, Michelina sweetheart, if I wasn’t half-way round the world I’d play hooky from work on Monday to go with you. I can understand how you feel right now. When my polyp was first discovered, I just smiled and nodded as the information was relayed to me, thanked the doctor then walked out the consulting room and down the corridor to the nearest toilet, locked myself in and sobbed.

It sounds to me as if the doctor is being deliberately vague at the moment because he/she wants to take a closer look before deciding on a clearer diagnosis and course of action, which is of course frustrating and bewildering for you right now. I’m also sorry that you’re feeling alone in all of this. I really hope that you and Mr. M can spend some time together this weekend to talk things through and comfort each other, and that Monday will bring some certain and positive news. As Zelda says, there is very little which is insurmountable for the medical profession these days. If the doctor you spoke to yesterday can’t “fix" whatever the problem is, there will be another who can.

In the meantime, we’re all here for you. Vent and ramble as much as you like. I firmly believe that there’s no such thing as a pity party on this thread (along with being no such thing as TMI…). We’re all on the same crazy rollercoaster together.

Thanks Zelda and Funnybird, for your support. I feel better this morning just seeing your words.

Funnybird, that was exactly my reaction. Just sat calmly and listened, and reacted after I left. I think you are right - she is being vague right now until she knows more. When she first saw the fibroid she called it "clinically insignificant" but what freaked me out is that she later said the abnormal shape to my uterus is due to the fibroid. So that doesn't sound insignificant to me! I have to remember that women with more oddly shaped uteri (is that the plural of "uterus"?) end up conceiving.

Zelda, I think the doctor has hope for us because she told me to "have fun" this weekend. It took me a few minutes to understand what she meant. My left (dominant) follicle is 17mm and she feels I will ovulate within a few days - probably by Saturday. I'll wait to talk on Monday, and will take a list of questions. Mr. M has a lot too so I'll jot down his as well.

((Michelina)) I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know this doesn't help, but I have heard of many women who have dealt with fibroids who went on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies. HPV is REALLY common these days and I think it's mostly a matter of them wanting to monitor anything unusual going on in that area since you're getting things checked out.

I don't have much to add except to say "ditto" to all the good advice funny and Fookie and zelda have given you. But please, please, continue to come here and vent, pity party, whatever you need to do. We are all pulling for you (and I'll bet funny isn't the only one who thought, "if only I didn't live miles away, I would totally go with Michelina to the doc for moral support"). Sometimes I think the feeling of isolation in these situations is one of the worst things about the whole experience.

Funnybird, so sorry about that blasted lab...but glad that they still have the results. Hang in there, we're pulling for you and AB.

Cristine, have fun with your new toy - your post made me laugh! If you want to check your "toy" every day, try to do it at the same time every day...that way you're better able to see a pattern of changes. It took me a couple of months to get the hang of that. Also, please try not to worry if it turns out you had an anovulatory cycle this month. It is completely and totally normal to have one every so often...sometimes all it takes is some extra stress, an illness, or your body just deciding, "eh, gonna skip ovulating this month" and generally it is not an indication of a problem. If you were having issues with your thermometer, honestly that could have made the difference on the temps. I had a couple of months where I thought for sure I hadn't ovulated, but after I plugged my numbers into Fertility Friend they found a pattern that I wasn't really able to see (because I am crap at drawing my own coverlines). Sometimes it's more subtle.

zelda, oh zelda, welcome to the rollercoaster of early pregnancy. Try to make friends with the worrying because it will be there, hmm, forever I think, just in different forms. My therapist used to cite that quotation about deciding to have a child meaning that your heart was forever walking around outside your body, and I believe it. I think your fellow teacher's perspective about being a "good enough" teacher is great - in fact, I am going to try to remember that. Our childbirth educator (for our "childbirth over 30" class) pointed out that especially women in their 30s are used to mastery of many things, we're used to being in charge. Throughout pregnancy - but especially in labor, delivery, and postpartum - we're NOT in charge. A lot of it, I'm realizing, it about being along for the ride and just trying to do the best we can.

The vaginal discharge will be with you for the duration, so just get used to kind of a wet feeling at most times. For the gas, I found that experimenting a little with diet seemed to help, but that it never totally went away. It might get less, uh, stinky after your intestines settle in a bit with the new hormones. Other than that, just take care of yourself and enjoy the ride! Since there isn't much to do in early pregnancy, it can also be a good time to start a pregnancy journal. (For the baby name books - I think I would have had the same reaction as you.) If you decide to get some books on pregnancy to start reading about everything, I highly recommend borrowing from friends or buying used. I bought What to Expect (which is just okay...a decent reference book, but kind of scary at times to read) and then had about three other friends offer their old copies to me. Plus it is EVERYWHERE at the thrift stores.

Last of the childbirth classes is tonight! Last night in class we had the tour of the labor and delivery area at the hospital. Unfortunately mr. julie was feeling under the weather so he missed parts of the tour. We're doing a tour in our other childbirth class (the unmedicated childbirth class) tonight so hopefully he'll feel better and can catch more of the tour. I'm starting to have that "holy shit, this is going to happen" feeling. Of course, I keep reminding myself that I have 9 more weeks to go before the big, over 2 more months! That tends to calm me down a bit. Two months is sufficiently far away that I can stop hyperventilating. For now.
ok, so after getting to the point where i was doing actual google searches for "pregnancy forums with no stupid blinking icons", it finally occurred to me that there might be something here. and there is!

i know you all have a lot going on...there's really just one thing i'd love some advice on, if you're so inclined: my boyfriend and i have been trying to do the baby thing for about a year and a half now; conceived once (almost exactly a year ago) but didn't make it to full implantation. so that was that. and no joy at all other than that...until maybe now? emphasis on the "maybe"?

never ONCE in eighteen months have i ever "felt like i might be pregnant" - not even that time a year ago. i am not someone who watches themselves anxiously for what MIGHT be early early signs of being knocked up...i had actually pretty much resigned myself to the fact that it wasn't going to happen and we have started talking about adoption, in fact. BUT: i used one of those ovulation test dealies that tell you when to do it (charting BBT never worked for me as apparently i am a lizard; spitting fern thing didn't work either) so i know we were right on time.

so LMP started 9/4. ovulation (per monitor) was 9/14. on 9/21, i started what is apparently textbook classic implantation bleeding. (again, i was SO not looking for this.) i am so freaking exhausted that i can barely make it through work - like normally if i felt like this i'd go get myself tested for mono. that kind of tired. and we went to someone else's house for dinner last night, and for some reason the smell of the warm sourdough bread made me literally sick. totally thought i was going to throw up. never had THAT happen around bread before.

no sore boobs and i'm always cranky so i can't view that as a potential sign. from what i can tell, it's not worth taking a test until next week (period would be due 'round about a week from today). so here's where i get to the part i need help with: how do i keep myself from getting *too* excited about the possibility that this is actually happening? all of these things could be coincidence; stranger things have certainly happened.

i had no intention of telling anyone (except my boyfriend, natch) until i knew for certain what was going on, but i did end up telling my pilates instructor (hey, stop laughing at me) this morning, as of course today was the day someone else in the class asked if we could crank up the workout "to the level of total body exhaustion," and when she asked if i was up for that (which, no, as i've blacked out twice in two days) i could not for the life of me think of a cover story so i was all UHHHHHH I MIGHT BE PREGNANT. UH. and she was all excited and happy and honestly, it just freaked me out. i don't want that now. for fuck's sake, i'd be like 9 dpo - do you even GET symptoms this strong then? maybe i just have swine flu or something.

so what do you do for the time where you think you might be but you don't know if you are and you try to stop yourself from thinking like you are but you can't? what do you do then?

good lord, i didn't know this was going to be a novel-length post. sorry about that! jeez. it's like i'm charles dickens or something.
Zelda, how long do you think you’ll wait before you decide to share the news with family and your BFF?

Michelina, a good friend of mine found out she had cervical cancer after her first baby & she found out that it did indeed come from HPV… she has had a couple of quick laser treatments and has been fine, she got pregnant with baby #2 in her 2nd month of TTC without charting or anything!! Don’t be too concerned about this, from what I hear it is so ridiculously common nowadays! Michelina, I know how devastating all of this is right now but I really think you should try to bring someone with you on Monday. Like Zelda said, even if it’s just to help you with questions that you might be too overwhelmed to remember. And I second Zelda that you should probably get a 2nd opinion because something just doesn’t seem right! You’re in my thoughts and PLEASE feel free to vent!!

Julie, I really used to think drawing a coverline would be easy because my temps are distinctively low and then high… but this month just proves that there’s no way I could do this on my own. On a side note, my temperature today is leading me to believing it might be a triphasic chart for me this month. And I’m truly excited for you… as a TTC’er 9 weeks seems like an eternity for me but I’m sure for a mama-to-be it seems right around the corner!

Welcome Melora! I’m probably the last person to ask about trying to hold back excitement during the 2WW and probably the last person to give advice as to whether or not you’re pregnant. Do you ever bleed between periods? I never do, so if I ever see midcycle bleeding I will definitely allow myself to get my hopes up. Do you know about how long your cycles are? That might be helpful in determining whether or not you could read into signs at 9 DPO. I know some of the other wonderful BUSTies here can probably give you some better advice, you found a good place! Fingers crossed for you!

Zelda, I am totally wiping tears away from my eyes at my desk having just read your news. I am so delighted for you. Time for me to go and make a cup of tea and discretely wipe my eyes! Congratulations.

I'll be back with a proper contribution soon, have been all over the place in recent weeks, sadly my Nan died and the funeral was last week. But all is well with the baby, who is waving an arm or something under a rib as I type.
Jenny, nice to hear from you! I am so sorry about your nan, that really sucks!! I am very glad that things are going great with the baby though... what a cute image of the baby waving an arm under your rib!

Michelina, I just read my post and feel like I need to clarify what I was saying and why. What I meant is that my friend's case was extreme in that it actually went as far as to result in cervical cancer, not that that's common. And despite all of that she has had zero problems conceiving, regardless of the fact that she will always live with HPV. So if cervical cancer doesn't affect fertility and conception then I wouldn't worry for a millisecond about HPV having any serious affect at all! (Both of her births were vaginal, by the way.)
hi Cristine - thanks for your kind words! as i'm sure you folks know, it can be rather difficult to have this potentially huge part of your life be this thing you can't share with the people around you, so it's been really nice to read the last few pages of this thread and feel like i'm not quite so alone.

to answer your questions: no, i've never had spotting between cycles, and this was def. more tan than red. (LOVELY.) cycles look like this (wassup, period tracker on iPhone?):

Nov-08: 26
Dec-08: 26
Jan-09: 30
Feb-09: 28
Mar-09: 27
Apr-09: 27
May-09: 28
Jun-09: 25
Jul-09: 26
Aug-09: 26
Sep-09: 27

...which averages to 27. i've actually tried to keep myself off the obsessive preggo sites as much as possible so i'm not entirely sure what that means for figuring out where i might be in this particular adventure.

also, here's what else is new and awesome: acne! another unpleasant yet non-definitive potential sign. excellent.
Personally, I would be very encouraged if I were you and I would take a First Response test next Wednesday... but that's just me! Good luck to you!!
((jenny_dreadful)) I'm so sorry to hear about your nan. I know you had really hoped that she would be there to see your little boy. Hope you are doing OK otherwise...look forward to your update when you have a chance.

melora, welcome - I laughed out loud when I read your prospective Google search terms! I think we all enjoy a site that is more about conversation and less like the Las Vegas strip.

Anyway, to your question. I had started an answer in which I ask you all kind of things about whether you are tracking your ovulation day, so that you could test based on how long your luteal phase usually is, but then I realized that going into all the details might not be terribly helpful for the "how do I keep myself from going bonkers before testing" part of the question. So I will tell you that pregnant or not you should read Taking Charge of Your Fertility (which gets into all the funky details and is actually a fascinating tour through the reproductive process) and that for now, I would recommend waiting to test until the day your period is due, or the day after if you can stand it.

Just accept that it's nearly impossible to keep from hoping it's positive if that's what you want it to be. The symptoms you described sound promising, but lots of women who are pregnant have little to no symptoms at first (just ask zelda!) and lots of "I swear I'm pregnant" symptoms are actually pre-period symptoms. Stay off the blinkie sites, step away from the Google, and feel free to hang out here while you're waiting to test and afterward...we have new mamas, pregnant mamas in various stages of baking, and several fabulous women who are hoping to see one of those positive pregnancy tests in their near future. Sometimes we take turns talking each other down from the ledge, but mostly we have fun.
Hi everyone...Michelina, I think it is a great sign the doctor said to "have fun" this weekend...I think it's also good that you and Mr. M are taking the time to right questions down together. Make sure you have the paper out for the doctor to see. I remember going to a GYN for recurrent yeast infections (years ago), and I was at my breaking point of frustration. I remember getting the courage to say, "Look, I am really, really upset here, and I need your assistance in answering these." Something about that made the doctor see me as human, and I left with a lot of information.

Please keep us updated...I am so pulling for you.

Jenny, thanks for the tears of joy...I am so sorry about your nan but so glad to hear from you...hope to hear more soon.

Melora, I second TCOYF even though I didn't like how the book made it sound like everyone who charted got pregnant in 4 to 6 months...I just don't think that's the case. But it is full of LOTS of info...good luck...and if you can stand it, wait a day or two past when you would expect your period to test. I tested one day early which is exciting but also making me that much more nervous about having a chemical or not getting a full implantation.

Julie, I love what your therapist said...about how women in their 30s want to be in control. I'm a control freak ANYway, so it doesn't help. I like being at work because it distracts me, but at home I start thinking of what could go wrong and get so nervous!

Right now, I just kinda wish I had more symptoms! Today I had so much of that lotiony CM it was almost uncomfortable. I think I will start wearing a pantyliner. Gas, yes, but other than that, hardly anything at all!

Do you think I've implanted by now? I ovulated (I'm pretty sure) on 9.9.09 (crazy!) the day we conceived. (Wow, what a lucky conception date...I just realized!) ANYway, that was 15 days ago. I'm just wondering if implantation could still be happening?

Okay, off to a nice dinner with Mr. Z...

Oh, and Christine, I have told family and BFF and a few (about 3) other very close women friends who have been there for me during all of this...but no other family members, no coworkers, etc. I want to tell everyone SO much, but I know it's best if I wait until at least 8 weeks.
Zelda, how did everyone react?? I'm dying to hear! I'm sure implantation has already taken place since the standard is between 6-12 days.

And yes Melora, TCOYF is a terrific book... I completely forgot to mention that, which is a surprise considering how much it helped me!

Congratulations Zelda! That is so so so awesome!

Melora welcome! I had symptoms from implantation but as I've found out the past month and a half, my gallbladder was filling with stones so the pregnancy nausea and throwing up was probably exacerbated by the gallbladder.

Speaking of which, I had some complications and ended up with hospital and had surgery TWICE in one week (laparascopic and endoscopic so it isn't that bad) - towards the end of fasting on and off for three days my milk was all screwed up but they let me eat and gave me a drip to counteract dehydration. But I am still sore and tired but so so so happy for you Zelda!
Melora, welcome! It is always great to have another Bustie join - no matter where she is in the process. What you describe definitely sounds hopeful. I did have bleeding which was pretty textbook implantation bleeding a couple of cycles ago, got all excited, then got my period. However, I didn't have any of the symptoms you describe so I think there is much more hope for you. I say take a test around CD12 or 13 and keep testing if you don't get your period. I am hoping for you!

Zelda, I am also very curious to hear about the reaction? And how are you feeling?

Julie, thanks for your reassurance about the HPV. I know it won't hinder conception, but just knowing that I have a wierd looking vag because of it and am at increased risk for cervical cancer makes me feel kind of crappy. :-( Well, I'll just continue getting my paps and be glad that such a good screening tool is available.

Jenny, so sorry to hear about your nan and very sorry to hear she wasn't able to meet your little one. What happened with the blanket? How many more weeks for you?

Cristine, anything new with your temp or new toy?

I took another OPK test yesterday, but it was still too faint to be a positive. Hopefully it will happen today. The doctor thought I would have had a positive yesterday by the size of my dominant follicle. I hope stress won't delay ovulation now. I got really bad news last night. We have had a very stressful few weeks with financial stuff going on as well as the ultrasound news. Now I found out that my sis and precious niece are moving to another province... in TWO WEEKS. I am devastated. Losing my niece at this point will be horrible. She is the only person other than Mr. M who truly makes me happy right now. And I know that is my problem and not theirs. Sigh.

Mr M and I had a good talk post sex last night. He is quite concerned about me. I have been crying a lot lately (not at all like me) and he worries that my stress level is too high. He was very sweet and sensitive and had good ideas like us both going for massage, and me resuming yoga. He is wonderful. We also talked about the fact we have only been trying for 7 months even though it's been 8 cycles. Knowing mid-Feb is still 5 months away gives us some reassurance too that it really hasn't been that long.

Thanks for the cheers Ananke! I am sure you are SO sore from all that sorry you had to go through that but glad you are on the mending end of things...let us know how you are!

Michelina, Mr. M sounds SO amazing and wonderful...that is one thing I have realized (not that I didn't know it before, but I just got more certain, that Mr. Z was wonderful)...I think TTC can make your relationship stronger or stress it - depending on how strong it was in the first place. Sounds to me that you and Mr. M have an AWESOME relationship.

I'm so sorry about your niece and the sudden sad. I won't try to give you any Pollyanna advice on that, but I do hope you take care of yourself in any way that feels right for you. Some of Mr. M's suggestions sound very good. And you're NOT out of the normal range of trying...just remember that. If I honestly add up every single month that we could potentially have gotten pregnant, we conceived on the 10th month of trying. Still within the range of normal even though you know as well as anyone how crazy it made me.

Everyone is SO thrilled for our news...I only wish we could tell more people. I feel, in a word, very normal! I still am very "wet" down dreams are very vivid as well, and I've been dreaming each night (though not about baby...last night I dreamed another teacher at work stole all my classroom desks...WTF?).

I keep having some very mild, on and off cramps although those are tapering off. So are the zits. My boobs are slightly tender, but only slightly so. The gas gets very bad in the afternoon after I eat. I've also noticed an INCREASE in bowel movements (2 to 3 a day) which What to Expect says is normal...some women get constipated, but I've always been a very regular person, and from what I've read, my body is just going into overdrive now.

So for the most part, I feel great! Not tired or anything...of course my lack of symptoms concern me, but I keep telling myself I am still ony 16 dpo and that is OKAY. My nurse friend says I've almost certainly fully implanted by now and can stop worrying about a chemical, so that's I just have to hope this little bean keeps growing healthy and strong!
Michelina, my temp continues to go up slowly and apparently fertility friend liked what it saw cuz it FINALLY drew me a temporary (dashed, not solid) coverline for Tuesday… I still feel like I ovulated on Sunday (CD 16) but I’ll take CD 18, as opposed to not at all. Haven’t felt my cervix yet today, but the past 2 days have been low, firm & closed… can’t quite tell if it’s wet or dry since everything in there is wet, I’m sure as time goes on I’ll notice when it is truly wet. That’s terrific that Mr. M is so supportive, I’m sorry about your sis & niece moving though! I haven’t ever done Yoga before, though everyone tells me I should, you should definitely get back into that at least for some relaxation. And you can never go wrong with a good massage!! Mr. C gave me an amazing one last night as I was going to sleep, I try to keep things to myself but he can definitely tell how worried I am about this crazy cycle.

Zelda, that’s great that you finally got to bask in everyone’s excitement for you guys!

Michelina, I just updated my cervical fluid for the day and fertility friend changed my coverline from dashed to solid... I'm starting to feel a bit better. smile.gif
Ok so I checked out my cervix for the day. Yesterday I thought I felt a bump that I didn't notice the first day I checked my cervix. So today I spent a little more time on that area and it is a definite bump and the topic is coming up in a billion blogs on Google. I'm trying not to freak out and I just need to go back and read the cervix sections of TCOYF that I skipped. Has anyone had this?
Cristine, I remember reading in TCOYF that you can get little cysts in your cervix that are totally benign and go away on their own...wish I could remember what section it was in. I would not get too freaked out. Keep monitoring it, and if it isn't gone in a week or two, go on in...but I seem to remember reading about it...I think even in one of the sample charts, you see a woman notice that she had one and then note when it goes away.
zelda!!!! Whoo hoo!!!! I just read your fantastic news and I'm thrilled for you! I remember for the first few weeks, I didn't quite believe it, but when the pregnancy sickness kicked in (about 6 weeks), it became more real. Yay! You may have already posted this (I was reading fast so that I could respond), but when is your "due" date?

Michelina- From what I know, HPV and fibroids are really, really common. I don't know if that makes you feel at all better, but usually I feel better about things when I know that others have been in similiar situations. zelda is right- you have all the right stuff for conception, so keep the faith.

My belly is starting to pop. I'm only 13 weeks (tomorrow), but yesterday I was having a big belly day. Lots of gas. It was our anniversary so we went to a Chinese restaraurant. After dinner, I was rubbing my big, gassy belly and the Chinese waitress walked by and said "your baby is full too." Glad I'm pregnant!
Oh, and Christine, doctors have found what are called Nabothian (spelling?) cysts on my cervix before. Supposedly they are harmless and don't effect conception (I'm proof smile.gif ). Don't worry but ask your doctor about it at your next visit.
Yumyum, good to hear from you. My due date is 6/3.

I woke up this morning feeling 100% normal! Honestly, if you told me I was pregnant and I hadn't taken those two tests (and I wasn't three days late), I would not believe you. I went online to one of those pregnancy week by week calendars and discovered I'm 4 weeks and 3 days along given the date of conception. So early!! One thing I am glad about is reading that so many women feel absolutely normal in the symptoms of ANY kind. That site that lists 2WW symptoms seems so bogus to me now. I am sure many women feel symptoms, but I guess I am just not one of them.

I did feel a little sleepy yesterday and took a nap before Mr. Z and I went out to hear some music...have not taken a nap in years! I drank a new "cocktail" last night - Sprite and cranberry juice. It was actually really delicious. We met friends there, including my friend who had a miscarriage very shortly after testing positive. She eyed my drink and I know she was suspicious, but I said nothing - still would rather keep this to myself.

Oh please bean, stick around!

I have a question...for pregnant ladies, are you going to get the flu vaccine and the H1N1 vaccine? I feel so paranoid about taking them, but everything I read makes me scared NOT to get the vaccines. I don't know what to do. I work with 12 and 13 year olds and am exposed to their germs every day. I've already started increasing my hand washing, but I don't know...I'm just nervous about vaccines in general. I've always planned to vaccinate any kids we would have, but as far as me getting a vaccine, and it being so early on...I just don't know Especially the's so new!

I'm going to go ahead and call the midwife practice I will be going to on Monday to see when I should come in, and I will ask then what I should do. My school is providing free flu shots next week, and I want to decide if I should take advantage.
Zelda & Yum, thanks for the encouraging words about Nabothian cysts... I read the few sections that addressed it in TCOYF, but I will feel much better if they go away soon.

Zelda, if I get pregnant right now I will not get the H1N1 vaccine and would probably switch doctors if they insist on it... actually my husband would make me switch regardless of what I thought. However I don't work with kids, so I understand how it's different in your situation. I don't even get flu shots every year because it's hit or miss, with or without the innoculation, as to whether or not I get the flu each year. But knowing that they're injecting a small amount of the illness into you just doesn't seem like the best idea early in a pregnancy. I don't know why they're equating the need for the vaccine between high-risk children with pre-existing illnesses and pregnant moms, that's pretty confusing to me. You have to understand that all of this is coming from a person who is very leery of vaccines... I will be the irritating mom insisting that the doctors give my children separate Measles, Mumps & Rhubella shots! Good luck making your decision, I know it's a tough one.

Yumyum, great to hear from you! And 13 weeks already - wow! Thanks for the reassurance about both the fibroid and HPV.

Zelda, it's funny - one of the first things Mr. M and I talked about this morning was about whether or not to get the vaccines. I got a flu shot in 2007 that knocked me on my ass. About 6 hours later I had a very high fever, chills, nausea, and I was quite scared. The fever resolved quite quickly, but I was in a fog the next day and didn't go to work. The following year I chose not to get the vaccine, and I never got sick once. However, that is just my experience, and I would be seeking more info about it if I were pregnant. Yes, definitely talk to your doc / midwife about it.

A few posts back I mentioned that there was a possible abnormality in my uterine lining. I learned from Google that there should be a triple stripe pattern to the uterus around ovulation. That is what the doc was concerned about. This has added to my anxiety because now I have: Luteal phase defect, fibroid affecting shape of uterus, and a non-triple stripe uterus. I will have a huge list of questions for the doctor. Has anyone heard of the triple stripe pattern before?
Yeah, I'm really confused re: the vaccines. If I didn't work with kids, I think I would feel comfortable forgoing it. I'm not sure...guess I'll just ask when I call the doc on Monday. My classroom is in a very loud, busy part of the school which means I have to keep the door closed. I hate to think of all the germs just building up in there! I always crack a window to try and keep fresh air circulating (always did - even before I got pregnant). I use hand sanitizer, lecture the kids about sneezing into their elbows, etc. Just common sense stuff. My first year of teaching I was sick constantly. Your body doesn't know how to deal with the influx of bugs...but over the years I think I've built up an immunity. Still, two days before I found out I was pregnant, I had to send a kid to the nurse...he was sitting in my room with a 101 degree fever. Parents, keep your sick kids at home!

Well, I will just see what the doc says and discuss it with Mr. Z. I think I'd feel better getting the shots if I were further along.

Michelina, I have never heard of this triple stripe thing before, nor do I remember reading about it in TCOYF? Stripes of what? Definitely something to ask a question about. I know you are so worried about both the fibroid and the luteal phase defect, but I really do believe both are fixable. Definitely fixable. I am just thinking about you, and I am anxious to hear what your doc says on Monday.

As for me, I actually took another pregnancy test today. I just cannot express how normal and not pregnant I feel...I was starting to think the whole thing was a dream! I went ahead and took the same brand of test (drugstore cheapie) and, yup, still pregnant. In fact, the line was a *lot* darker this time which made me happy. I know you're not supposed to use that to judge anything, but I'm hoping that means the HCG is building up in my system.

Am I the only nutso BUSTie to test multiple times after a first positive? Please say no. :-)
I got the regular flu vaccine at my last OB visit and will be getting the H1N1 vaccine as soon as my OB's office has it in. They told me they are recommending vaccination for pretty much all their OB patients, though I'm not sure if it's different for women in the first trimester. They are also recommending that all the expecting dads get the regular flu vaccine and the H1N1 as well. My pregnant friend told me that she was told that one of the benefits of getting at least the regular flu vaccination while she's pregnant is that it will pass along some of the antibodies to the baby via the placenta, making it easier for the baby to fight off the flu after birth. Again, that might be because she's further along, but I think it's a good idea to ask your midwife/care provider about it. Plus, I believe I remember reading that pregnant women tend to be more susceptible to infections because their immune system is suppressed somewhat (to keep it from rejecting the baby). So you might find it harder to fight off the flu this year than usual even though you've built an immunity over time.

Speaking of vaccines, apparently they are recommending that after the baby's birth both mr. julie and I get boosters for whooping cough, as that is having a resurgence these days. (We know - we were both unwittingly exposed to whooping cough last Thanksgiving from a friend with whom we were staying. She - and her doc - thought it was a bad case of bronchitis until it just wouldn't go away....)

oh, and zelda, testing multiple times to confirm that you're pregnant...totally normal. I did both my tests the same day, but I was soooooo tempted to use that last pregnancy test when I wasn't having symptoms early on. That goofy picture I took of the test with the two lines, plus all my high temps after ovulation, were the only things that kept me from peeing on the stick again. That wait for the first appointment seems like forever, I know. Since I lucked out on the first trimester morning sickness (thank God), I kept going back and forth between being worried that I didn't feel pregnant enough and thanking the heavens that I wasn't spending my time hurling my guts out. I am thinking good thoughts for your little bean...nice, sticky thoughts.

Michelina, I have never heard of this triple stripe business - definitely worth asking about when you see the doctor. I think zelda's earlier advice of collecting questions before you go to the doc is a good one. I always develop sudden amnesia in the doctor's office - I can't remember a damn thing I meant to ask about once I get in there. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister and niece moving's hard, isn't it? I've always thought of my little niece as my little girl (in case I never got one of my own) and it was so nice when she was less than 2 hours they are all the way across the country from me and I miss all of them terribly.

Cristine, add me to the list of ladies who have had a Nabothian cyst on my's alarming to feel, but normally they go away and are pretty harmless. I know though, I hate it anytime I'm like, "hey, that wasn't here before!" My mind goes to bad places. Too much Google or those Mystery Diagnosis shows.

yumyum, love your anniversary dinner story! It's so exciting when the belly starts to starts to feel more like, hey, this is for real and stuff! Happy anniversary....

I'm having an up and down sort of day. Mostly's great, feeling pretty well, got my hair done and had a lovely brunch with friends, decided to break down and spend some money on a few additional maternity clothes and some more maternity tights and pantyhose, meeting mr. julie and some folks for dinner soon. The down is that my various worries are cropping up a lot - mr. julie still isn't employed, so that's freaking me out, I know our credit card bill is going to be huge this month and am dreading paying bills, I'm still adjusting to the job + consulting, and we just plain have had a lot going on lately (and will the next two weeks - I'm traveling both the next two weekends). I think add in the pregnancy hormones and the "holy shit I am going to be responsible for another human being, who by the way I have to push out of my body in a few weeks, oh crap," and occasionally I just find myself feeling totally overwhelmed. I will say that the breathing exercises from childbirth class help a lot! It also helps to come here because in a weird way it's helpful to know that we're all kind of doing our Lamaze to get through life sometimes.

Anyway, that's me...I will say that I am PSYCHED to have found maternity tights and pantyhose at Target, even though they cost an arm and a leg. Cutting off my circulation by wearing large sizes of regular compression pantyhose = not good. As for the money, I'm trying to just practice some denial - screw it, if I can't pay the whole credit card balance this month I'll be able to pay it soon, and normally I don't carry a balance, so we'll be okay.
Julie, thanks for ALL the info on the vaccines. I'm leaning toward getting them...but I will wait and see what the doctor says. And thanks for making me feel not so crazy re: testing again.

I know how scary it is about money woes...Mr. Z and I are actually in a really good place financially which is one of the reasons we want to have a baby now. But we are also hoping that Mr. Z can be a stay at home dad for the first year or so, and we can live off our savings and my teacher paycheck. It *is* scary to think about being the only source of income for a family...I hear you. Also, our health care costs will skyrocket if we are all on my plan. Good grief...I hate thinking about buying insurance.

I had a freak out this afternoon. I went out for a birthday tea party for one of my former students. So careful about not wanting decaf, I had raspberry herbal tea instead which the waiter told me was completely decaf. I had about a cup to a cup and a half.

When I got home, I mentioned this offhandedly to my BFF who flipped me out when she told me that herbal teas, especially raspberry, can induce contractions and should be avoided. I FLIPPED out...she immediately felt bad for saying anything. I did some research and not only found that I would have had to drink 4 cups a day for several days to make an impact, but SOME midwives actually recommend raspberry tea in the first trimester to "tone the uterus" and *prevent* miscarriage!! What to Expect says to avoid it in large amounts, and the American Pregnancy Association says its likely safe and even recommended throughout pregnancy although some providers recommend avoiding it during the first trimester.

So I had a little freak out, but seeing as it is almost 4 hours later and I feel fine, I think it's okay! I know one little measly cup of tea isn't going to do anything, but it's so easy to feel inadequate. There is so much I don't know about what I can eat and can't...I really can't wait to see the doctor.
Michelina- I haven't heard of "triple stripe." Let us know what that's all about when you talk to your doc. I'm curious now!

Julie- every time I start to do research on baby gear (stroller travel systems, crib, organic mattresses, cloth diapers, etc...) I start to feel very overwhelmed about the cost of everything. I think that you're on the right track when thinking about the credit card- right now it's an expensive time but every month won't be like this. I'll have to check out Target for the maternity tights when the time comes, since I'll be pregnant all winter and into early spring.

zelda- I only tested once, but that's because I'm cheap and I only had one test. I thought about testing again but my husband kept saying, "do you have your period yet?" which was kind of a good reality check for me.
I've been thinking a lot about the vaccines. I work in a hospital, so every year for the past 5 years or so I've gotten the flu vaccine with no adverse effects. Now that I'm pregnant, I've been feeling nervous about getting them, especially the H1N1. I've been asking my recently pregnant friends what they did, and I plan on talking to my OB/GYN at my next appointment on Friday. At this point I am leaning toward getting them, but I will ask for the thimerasol free vaccines (just because why not?). Having the flu already made me realize that my immune system really has taken a hit- it was not fun and I really don't want to go through that again if possible. I've heard that the H1N1 vaccine is supposed to come out in early October, but it will be the nasal mist which is a live virus and will not be given to pregnant woman. So, at least we have some time to decide about that one. Let me know what you find out (and what your doc recommends). Yeah, you're pregnant! smile.gif
hi everyone!

Ananke, I hope you're feeling better. You sound pretty chipper in your post. Complications really stink. It's bad enough to deal with the pre-complication issues. Just when you think it's over with ... then there's more. I'm glad everyting was caught and you're doing well now.

Michelina, so sorry about the news about your niece. How old is your niece? Is she old enough to travel on her own (train, bus?) to come see you? It could become a really fun adventure for her. If she's not old enough yet, then it's an adventure she can daydream about with you when you go to visit. I have heard of the triple stripe. The first time I heard about it was on one of the fairy dust/baby dance websites and the person who typed about it made it seem as if she were more knowledgeable than she was and so when I asked a ultrasound tech if I had one, and she said I didn't, it totally freaked me out. The next time I was in, I asked the ultrasound tech for more info about it. I wish I could remember more about what she said, but basically she said that it's a nice thing to see, but they don't even really look for it b/c it's completely unreliable as a predictor. She said that TONNES of women who don't have them get pregnant easily. Too many for them to actually think that not having one is an issue. I can't remember if you went to your regular doc for the scan or just a lab somewhere... but there's a chance that the person who has you concerned about it, is dealing with old information. The fertility clinic was not the least bit concerned about whether or not I had a triple stripe. I figure that if it's not in TCOYF ... then my ultrasound tech is probably right.

Zelda I have a box of looseleaf raspberry tea waiting for me for when I get pregnant. Midwives totally recommend it here to prepare your uterus/cervix for delivery. My sister drank it for both her pregnancies, though I can't remember if it was all the way through or just in the last trimester nearer to birth. I'm so excited that you have been able to tell a few people. I swear that and buying/reading books for/to my baby are the two things i'm looking forward to the most. I daydream about it all the time.

As for the vaccines... I must say I've been thinking about H1N1 a lot lately. It seems to hit pregnant women much harder than the rest of the population for some reason. Mortality rates seem to be higher for some reason. In Canada, pregnant women and medical personnel are the first getting the shots. I am an anti-vaccine person, but H1N1 has me wondering... Canada has been all atwitter the last few days b/c some unpublished, but seemingly reliable study, has found that people who previously got flu vaccines regularly seem to be less able to fight off H1N1 ... it's all a bit of a mess and I'm not sure what I'll decide if I'm pregnant while H1N1 is still running around. At this point I feel like it will be pure Murphy's law for me to finally get pregnant after almost three years of trying and get hit with H1N1. Gahhhhh. I don't envy you the decision, Zelda. Keep us informed about what you learn. At this point, I think I'd be leaning toward it too ... but it's so new. Kind of scary.

Julie, I can relate to the credit card bill ... but I can also relate to the euphoria of finding some badly needed clothing items. If you usually pay your whole credit balance each month, it sounds to me like a little denial for a month or two is not going to hurt you at all. Enjoy your new hair, your tights, and your pantyhose! In fact, wear them while you don't pay off the whole bill this month wink.gif

Cristine, I don't know anything about cervical cysts, but most women's follicles turn into tiny cysts after they ovulate each month. The body's hormones etc. take care of shrinking them into oblivion by the beginning of the next cycle. There are so many "things" that seem to be able to "grow" in our female reproductive system, which apparently are for the most part completely normal and not problematic. I've mentioned before that I have a tiny fibroid on the back wall of my uterus. Who knew so much was going on in there! As for vaccines and the alternative schedule for the kiddie ones ... I'm with you. I will absolutely be going that route. If your doctor/paediatrician thinks that's "annoying" well she/he can bite you. It's become quite a popular route to take, it seems. And I think most doctors are happy to do the alternative schedule ... if they weren't they'd end up with a lot more people who didn't vaccinate at all. And my sense is that most western doctors are not cool with that. Do you know of the magazine called Brain, Child: The Magazine for Thinking Mothers? It's a great magazine. They post a few articles online each issue (I think it's a quarterly). Anyway, about 2-3 issues ago there was a great essay on the decision to vaccinate or not. It was really well written and thought out, presenting both sides pretty fairly .In the end the author decides to go with the alternative schedule ... but all the info laid out in the piece leading up to the decision, was great and gave pause from either perspective.

YumYum, what a great story! I bet that waitress was so relieved when you didn't storm out of the restaurant. Ha ha. And how cute to think of your baby as also being nice and full. So sweet.
Zelda, have you had many cases of H1N1 at your school or in your local area? It's so rife in London that doctor's surgeries aren't even swabbing for it any more; if you exhibit any of the symptoms they just chuck some tamiflu your way and tell you to stay indoors. I even had it a couple of months ago but it didn't affect me too badly, just one day of fever and vomiting and then a few days of feeling weak and achey. However, it is different during pregnancy because your immune system naturally weakened, and I also remember hearing that tamiflu is not good for pregnant women. I know that when the vaccine arrives here in the UK the plan is to prioritise pregnant people. I'm starting to worry about when AB has his treatment, because even the lower dose of chemo is still going to wipe out his immune system for several months and London is such a plague pit during the winter months - you can barely leave the house without someone sneezing in your face! Ugh!

Oh, and I'm sure that when I started lurking in here there was a pregnant bustie who confessed to testing every day for a week after her first positive just to watch the line getting darker!
Fookie, thank you SO much for that info. I feel so much better now. The person doing the scan was my gynecologist and I will have several questions for her tomorrow. I am just so pleased to hear that people do get pregnant without that uterine pattern. I had never heard of such a thing before my scan on Wednesday.

And thanks for your suggestions about my niece. I agree - it will be very exciting having her come visit when she is older. She'll be 3 in a few months so there is a ways to go for that time, but we can be excited. She saw me yesterday and ran up to me in excitement. I picked her up, and she brought her arms around my neck and just held on. Love like that can only be from a child.

I don't have long, but just wanted to give you a quick update. I ovulated last night complete with left ovary pains which is consistent with the doc's prediction. I found out last night that my grandma broke her hip. She lives in another city so we are going on a day trip for what could be our last time seeing her. As a friend of mine pointed out, maybe I am just getting all of the bad stuff out right now, and the good stuff is coming. So now we are going to have one more bang at making a baby (wow that sounds romantic) and then I am off to see my poor grandma as she awaits surgery. She is over 80 and very frail.

Michelina, a quick note to say that I am so sorry about your grandmother! I do agree that bad stuff and good stuff tends to come in bunches...don't know why, but that's been my experience. I'll never forget the horrible year that Mr. Z lost his dad, I lost my grandma, we lost our cat, and I totaled two cars in accidents that were both my fault. I was like, "What is up with this karma?" The next year we had a beautiful wedding, bought our lovely home, and I started my career as a teacher which I love. There have been bad patches after that, followed by good patches. I do not know why this happens, but I do know you are due for a good patch soon, and my gut tells me it is on the way!

To second what Fookie said...remember that just because someone is a doctor, it doesn't mean they are always experts on a certain field...especially if your GYN is not a fertility expert. I would be far more trusting of the folks at Fookie's fertility clinic re: the triple stripe than your GYN.

My own GYN told me that Mr. Z should wear boxers, not briefs...but HIS urologist (who is a super expert on male fertility) told him that is absolutely a ridiculous myth and there is no truth to you never know.

Happy baby making and let us know what is up with your granny! Thinking of you...
Julie & Fookie, that makes me feel better about the bump... thanks!

Yum, so they aren't giving pregnant women a vaccine with the live virus? Is the thimerasol free vaccine as effective? How does it work in comparison?

Fookie, I will definitely look into that magazine! And I feel the same way about TTC and then miscarrying cuz of either the vaccine or the illness, either way it would be devastating and I'd never forgive myself... this is an incredibly tough decision.

Michelina, I am so sorry to hear about your grandma! Good luck with your last "bang" today...

As of yesterday my cervix was still low, firm, closed and w/ bump... I had a huge temperature drop today on what I believe to be 7 DPO, I am sooooo hoping it's an implantation dip (first time this has happened during 2WW). I'm going to see Pearl Jam with Mr. C & friends on October 6th (another distraction this month from any bad news), which should be the latest I would start my period, so I'll either be the designated driver or I get to drink!

Oh, Funny, I forgot to answer your question...we have had a *few* confirmed cases of H1N1 at my school, but they actually occurred over the summer months when school was not in session.

I've decided not to get the free regular flu shot they are giving out at school next week and just wait until I go in and see my doctor. I've decided to buy some of those Lysol ready wipes and at the end of the day (or maybe every other day) ask my students to grab a few and wipe down the tables and chairs, etc. That and regular hand washing and other common sense tips I hope will protect me until I see my midwife and see what she has to say.
Michelina, just another quick post about the triple stripe: (International Council on Fertility Information Dissemination)

"What should my uterine lining be at ovulation and at implantation?
As you approach your LH surge, it should be above 6 mm, ideally between 8 and 12 mm. (If it is much more than that, it may be advisable to ask about a hysteroscopy or sonohysterogram to see if perhaps there is a polyp inside the uterus). You want to have a triple stripe pattern around the time of the LH surge and ovulation. Towards the time of implantation, you want to have a more integrated HH or IE pattern. The triple stripe occurs in response to estradiol; the HH/IE conversion is in response to progesterone. It should also be noted that, although most doctors prefer the above pattern of linings, there is no conclusive research on whether a better pattern actually results in higher pregnancy rates. "

Make sure you read that last sentence smile.gif
I'm glad you're feeling better.
Fookie, you are such a wealth of knowledge and always so kindhearted. I love having you on this thread.

Okay...I am making a promise here and now on this public forum that I WILL STOP GOOGLING SHIT.

Fine. Now I have promised it and you can all hold me to it.

It was not so bad during the work week...but now, home over the weekend with not much to do, I can't help but Google, "Rate of miscarriage" or "Rate of miscarriage in week 5" blah blah blah. I swear to you, I truly thought I would get that positive and float off into pregnancy happy land. Heh!

I did read one helpful article that said the two most important things a pregnant woman can do are 1) limit her commitments so as not to get overstressed and 2) stop reading about scary (rare) pregnancy stuff.

So I am promising all of you now and expecting that you ask me how I am doing in an effort to keep me honest...NO MORE GOOGLING.

zelda - Mr A threatened to take away my laptop while I was pregnant. I just couldn't stop googling.

As for vaccines I work in a public library and the government provides us with the vax free each year and is also providing the H1N1 free to health workers and pregnant women BUT my ob. asked me not to get the flu vax while I was pregnant. I was 2nd/3rd trimester at that point though and the H1N1 does seem to hit pregnant women harder. So I'd ask your ob.
zelda, to quote my mom: "Sometimes I think there were some advantages to not knowing all the things they know now [about pregnancy]." The Google is both a blessing and a curse, I tell ya. Hopefully this forum will be a good outlet for you...I remember it feeling like it was really too early for me to be doing anything to prep for the baby in the early days, and it was easy to get sucked into the Google when I had a bit of free time. Writing notes to the baby in a journal helped me a lot (although the early entries make me laugh...half of them are about food, and most of them mention how very not-pregnant I was feeling at the time).

Michelina, so sorry to hear about your grandmother's hip. Thinking good thoughts for her....and for you as usual...

Today I spent some time cleaning out my drawers and closet...sort of a variation of my usual summer-to-fall switchout of clothes. It was a little different in that this time I tried to figure out what of my non-maternity clothes I could still wear this fall and early winter. I was worried that it would be depressing, but actually it was kind of nice...I found a couple of tops that actually are quite cute with my belly, and it was kind of liberating to put a few things in the sell/giveaway pile because there was no way in hell I was going to fit into them post-baby unless I went on some sort of Betty Draper starvation diet. Soooo not interested in doing that.

Fookie, Zelda is right - you are a wealth of knowledge. And a huge support! Thanks for the info and the reassurance that there is nothing proven about this triple stripe thingy. When do you go in for your next IUI? My doc did gonnorhea and clamydia testing for me last week, and said she wanted to rule it out due to the bleeding, but mentioned it needs to be done for both of us anyway in case we go to the IUI route. I think we probably will if we haven't conceived by about May or June next year. That is sort of our tentative plan.

Zelda, I would be the same with the Googling. It's true, Julie, there was probably something to be said for the way pregnancy used to be. My mom had all three of us without so much as an ultrasound. But nowadays we know everything, see everything (more so now with 3D ultrasound!) and worry about everything (or so I can only imagine.) Good luck with breaking your habit. Try thinking of something else you could do everytime you have a Google craving and make yourself do that instead. What did you decide to do with Boot Camp? Can you get a refund?

Cristine, where are you in your cycle now? It seems you are always near the end of your luteal phase as mine begins.

I have my ultrasound at the end of the workday and I will likely start my progesterone today. I am a little nervous!
Michelina, how is your grandma? And yes I am nearing the end of my LP, I am either 6 DPO (fertility friend) or 8 DPO (my guess), if I'm right then my cycle would be 29 days this month and I should start my period on Sunday... we'll see! Are you bringing anyone with you today? Did you write down all your questions yet? I'm so glad you'll be starting the progesterone, I really hope this will be your month!!
Michelina, I hope you will be able to post tonight and let us know how the appointment went! Thinking of you...

I called the midwives practice I will be going to. Mr. Z and I have an orientation on October 7th at 2 pm. I'll be just finishing up my 6th week at that time (if I'm doing the math right). However, there's no exam. Just a get to know you orientation with other moms to be. I'm guessing (should have asked) that my first real exam will happen two weeks after that at 8 weeks. Guess I'll find out how to proceed at the orientation.

I asked about the flu vaccine. The woman I spoke with told me that their protocol is to administer the vaccines, but they advise against any administration prior to 12 weeks. So that made me feel better. I know now not to get the vaccine at school this week, and I'm happier knowing my bean will be a little bigger by the time I get the shots.

I also told her that I was feeling pretty much no symptoms - just a few mild things here and there. She laughed and said, "So, you want to be tired and throwing up?" She said it in a really nice, funny way. I told her no and laughed, but I said it would make it seem more real. She said it's perfectly normal to feel no symptoms right now and that if I give it a few weeks I will have more symptoms than I care to have! :-)
Hey Zelda-If you're going to be tired and sick, it probably won't kick in for another couple of weeks. Maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones that doesn't get morning sickness. I had it bad, but not having it doesn't mean the pregnancy is not solid. I think it's completely inherited. My mom, sister and grandmother all had it too. So that should be a good predictor.

Thinking about this H1N1 thing that Zelda is dealing with--I wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea for those of you TTC to get it now, so you don't have to worry about it later.

Things still going fine here. Still the daily obsession with how to make more breastmilk...I'm immersed in that community now the way people get immersed in the TTC one. Very supportive bunch though, and no crazy flashing icons or excessive abbreviation. Still I wouldn't use the F word there as readily as I would here.

Between 3 and 4 months is such a delightful time with a new baby. My girl is really coming into her personality, laughing all the time and keeping everyone around her laughing too. The looks of complete adoration I get are unlike any love I've ever experienced.

Good thoughts for everyone.
Hi everyone,
Thinking of you heaps today Michelina. Hope your appointment is going well.
Zelda, maybe there is something to eyelet's nausea heredity theory - I've had hardly any nausea and my mum didn't have much either with any of her three pregnancies.
Cristine, the bump would be concerning but glad you don't seem to be stressing too much about it. Here's to a sober Pearl Jam concert!

Things are going swimmingly. I'll be 16 weeks on Thursday. Yesterday I got a call from the hospital to tell me that I had been 'picked out of the hat' to get into their birth centre! I'm so excited! I didn't expect to find out until the end of the week. I'm going in there for my booking-in appointment with the midwives on Thursday.

24 days until my morphology scan! My husband wants to find out the sex but I'm still not sure. I like the mystery and surprise factor. I can't see that there is any compromise option here. One of us will have to concede! The fact that I'm not as dead against it as he is dead for it makes me suspect that this is going to be me - damn!! I did a couple of silly old-wives-tales quizzes on the internet when I was bored the other day and they told me there was a 77% chance of a girl!!

It's been very interesting to read everyone's thoughts on the H1N1 vaccine. This will become available in Australia TOMORROW and I've heard on the news that they're encouraging pregnant women, elderly people and children to come in and get it first. When I think about it rationally, I know in my head that it is probably a very good idea but I have a strong gut feeling that I don't want to do it.

Reasons I want to get it:
- I work in a school. Germy Germy.
- Government is actually encouraging pregnant women to get it.
- Rationally, my head tells me it's the smart thing to do.

Reasons I don't want to get it:
-exposing my chickadee to what is at this stage (to me) unknown weirdness . (I should do more research)
-It's spring. 'Flu season' is over. Chance of exposure getting lower every day.
-My sister-in-law became very ill and nearly died (and is still unwell) after receiving gardasil (cervical cancer) vaccine last year - this H1N1 vaccine is similar in that it is new and there is limited evidence of potential side effects.
- I'm now in the habit of watching so carefully everything that goes into and onto my body - so asking for a needle to be stuck right into me to inject something unknown into my blood just seems counter-intuitive (is this the same as the first item on this list?)

What I'm going to do is try to research as much as possible in the meantime, and then when I have my next GP check after my morphology scan on the 22nd October, talk to him about it.

Zelda, fellow teacher, here's what I did during winter (several of my students were quarantined with Swine Flu and two of these I'd been working closely with just the day before they had to take extended leave). Be vigilant about your handwashing, use antibacterial gel regularly, wipe down your desk, computer, telephone with wipes at least once a day. Ask students to wipe their desks regularly, always have a box of tissues in your classrooms so students can use them instead of sneezing everywhere and wiping their noses on their hands, etc., I also had a box of tissues and hand gel in my staffroom , keep your distance from kids as much as possible - I used to hold my breath when walking through big groups of students!

Eyelet, it's beautiful to hear about the delight you take in Elowyn. Good luck with the milk-making!
Thanks for all the positive thoughts about my ultrasound and grandma.

I heard good news yesterday on both accounts. My grandma made it through surgery and is comfortable. She has dementia so it will be hard for her to understand this. But she seems to be doing pretty well.

My ultrasound was done by another gyne and read by mine. She said I had a fantastic corpus luteum (which I got to see - very cool!) in my left ovary as predicted. My endometrium lining was a perfect 9.7mm and a D pattern, which is expected after ovulation. She said that perhaps my ultrasound last week was just a little too early to see the pattern she expected. She gave me my progesterone prescription and told me she has a lot of hope for us. She wants me to get blood hcg tests on day 14 (or roughly) from now on and only stop the suppositories if it's negative. So no more peeing on a stick for me. Of course I have a few tests left so I'll likely get rid of those just for shits and giggles.

I started my progesterone yesterday and don't find it too bad. The pills are way smaller than I expected. Now I am worrying the thing will fall right out!

Oh and by the way I am being seen by my gyne at a fertility clinic. My gyne's specialty is infertility and fertility treatment. I saw her in the hall wishing a couple good luck and she just seemed so warm and excited for them. I have no idea what their situation is, but it was a nice sight. I am confident I am in good hands.

Ellen, glad to hear you are doing well. When is your due date? I should just keep a list of all the due dates and then I won't have to keep asking! I just love it - all these pregnant Busties at different stages. The sexing issue would be tough for Mr M and me too. I wouldn't want to know and he would. I don't know who would end up winning that one! Great news about getting into the birth centre.

Zelda, glad to hear you chatted with your midwife about the vaccine. Does it seem surreal that only a week ago you found out you were pregnant? Does it seem like a ton has happened in that week?

Eyelet, you have a good suggestion for us TTC'ers about the vaccine. I know they are doing flu shots today at my work, but due to my bad reaction in 2007, I think I'll chat with my GP first about it. Babies of your daughter's age are just wonderful. I love that age when they are really responding to their world. Glad to hear all is going well.
Oh and I told Mr. M about the site the other day and even mentioned my dream about Zelda coming true. He was intrigued by the dream, and was happy I have connected with you Busties. He has been absolutely wonderful through this stressful time.
Oh Michelina, that's wonderful news. I'm so happy and relieved for you. Fingers crossed for this month!

It looks as if we'll FINALLY find out about Architect Boy's chemo tomorrow afternoon. I'm compiling a list of fertility related questions to ask the doctor in my head. It seems fairly inevitable that even the low dose will damage his swimmers, so I want to know things like; for how long, and how will they monitor his fertility so we know when we can start trying to conceive again? And if the damage turns out to be permanent, what fertility treatments will the NHS pay for? I read recently that 80% of men who are treated for testicular cancer who want to become fathers will go on to do so (70% naturally and 10% through fertility treatment) so I'm hopeful.
i have like fifteen minutes in between work projects so i won't get to everyone (what the hell, employment duties? don't you know there's babytalk to be had?) but i'll see what i can do:

funnybird - good luck at yr chemo fact-finding appointment...i don't know the whole background of what's going on with your guy but if you ever want to talk about what it's like to have a honey with a chronic crappy medical condition, i'm your girl. (caveat: my own situation did not end well, but you are not allowed to project any of that onto YOUR situation. ours was just a freakish one-off.)

Michelina - yay grandma, yay corpus luteum!

eyelet - it's nice to hear that the flashing icons chill out a bit post-partum, and i loved reading your description of your kidlet and her laughing. what a joy.

zelda - ok, i guess this is what i get for going back and forth between GMAT prep and babytalk, but i read this: "I'll be just finishing up my 6th week at that time (if I'm doing the math right). However, there's no exam." and i thought holy crap, you have to take a TEST? is it about, like, charting stuff? is it multiple choice? are there study guides? and it seriously took me a few minutes to process what you were actually talking about. this does not bode well for my cognitive skills, i'd say. but it is wonderful to do a little vicarious living through your current situation...and believe me, if i ever got a positive on a HPT, i'd get like six more and make some installation art or something. for serious.

my update: meh. started spotting yesterday; definitely more pinkish and pre-period looking than the spotting that happened 6 or 7 dpo. i wasn't planning to test before tomorrow or thursday, but when the spotting happened i figured wtf, let's just confirm this right now. negative, of course; this is CD 25/14 dpo so it's hard for me to believe that it was a false negative. i'm just not pregnant. what's weird to me is the symptoms i was having - which i am still convinced were not psychosomatic - combined with the fact that my period seems to be starting two or three days early. i'm not buying the "implantation bleeding redux" theory that my hopeful brain was trying to sell me (go pedal that stuff on the blinkie boards, sucka); i think it's just my body continuing its life-long tendency to be ridiculous.

so yeah, i cried a bunch last night. i just feel so defeated. one of my parents has some serious health stuff going on - serious like "just a matter of time" serious - and we got more really bad news last week and i just wanted so badly to be able to say hey, you gotta stick around because i'm gonna need you to babysit in June. no such.

in re: TCOYF, i bought it last year and spent months charting BBT and ferning and CM (to the extent that i could), and i was never, ever able to make it make any sense. my charts looked almost exactly like the anovulatory examples in the book, but we knew through hormone testing (and 2 chemical pregnancies and ovarian pain) that i WAS ovulating, and i was ovulating at right about the same time each cycle, it's just that my body didn't feel like having a nice temp spike or anything. my naturopath friend posited that it might be because my core body temperature is naturally ridiculously low and/or the results were being affected by the psych or cardiac meds i'm on (which can do all kinds of weird shit to your body). but whatever the reason, i just couldn't make that stuff work, which made the book really frustrating (and not that helpful for figuring any post-potential-conception stuff since everything is timed in relation to the thermal shift that i couldn't find).

i looked at it again after you guys brought it up, and i might try charting again and see what happens, but mostly right now i'm just feeling cynical and not in the mood to read about how every single other woman in the universe got pregnant within two weeks of charting, etc. sorry, i'm wicked cranky right now. thankfully, it's time to get back to work. suppression of emotional distress through quantitative analysis, holla! i <3 you, spreadsheets.
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