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Mr. Z wins the Good Husband award today despite the Fertell test madness earlier this week...I left him a note this morning (I leave for work before he gets up) letting him know my period had arrived. I arrived home to a note that read:

"It's going to be fine. I know you're impatient and it's frustrating. Hang in there. We're a team, and we'll be fine. You're going to get pregnant. I have a good feeling."


Makes me happy. He really is a sweetie.

All in all I had a pretty horrid day between my period and a confrontation (long time coming) with a coworker. I came home and drank freely, and now I'm going to bed. Phew.

More later....thank you to everyone for ALL the kind words. I really thank Goddess that I can come here and vent away...
Aw, that's awesome Zelda. It really makes a differnece to feel that loved and special.

My maman visited and we walked around so freaking much. And my sister gave me shit for being 'lazy', like I'm not carrying five pounds of child + how much ever else the rest of it weighs. She's such a dick sometimes. But we're pretty much settled for baby gear and it just needs washing.

Meanwhile the heartburn is back and the damn pain was back as well - not as bad but it made sleep bad last night. That and the leg twitching.

I'm so over the non-midwife receptionists at the ob. though - I had to ring SIX times to get my referral on thursday. Firstly because I couldn't remember if I was even supposed to have one or if I'd made that up. The receptionist tells me I don't need one, but I ask her to please check with the, y'know, person in charge of my medical care. After three hours I ring and find out that yes, I do need the ultrasound and she'll fax it over. I get to the ultrasound and there's no referral. The ultrasound receptionist calls and gets told they've faxed it over already, but they'll do it again - the ultrasound receptionist gives them her fax number. After a while there's still no referral, but I go through the reasons I figure I need one and get the ultrasound. I come out after the ultrasound and the referral still isn't there. So i call the ob. AGAIN - it's now sitting on the desk after the shift change. New receptionist tells me they've been faxing it through to the wrong fucking hospital. She says she's faxing it through now and I change my appointment to next week.

Come the next morning the midwife receptionist calls and asks if I've made another appointment, because she's sure I was coming in that day - I confirm next week's appointment and find out SHE FAXED THROUGH THE REFERRAL THIS MORNING. After the ultrasound report has come through *sigh*. She is so much more efficient and helpful than the others and I hate getting annoyed at receptionists, but jesus christ, not only did the original one not listen at all when I explained which clinic I was going to (AFTER telling me I don't need an ultrasound...) she then didn't lsiten when the utlrasound receptionist gave her a fax number and the next one still didn't fucking check it. *headdesk*
Hey There Ladies,
Thanks for all my welcome messages, I'm still navagating my way around this place!!!
I love seeing all your supportive messages to each other, and happy mothers day to you all!!!

I have done this once before so here's my unsolicited advise to you all:

Instincts are amazing things... listen to them! I was never a maternal person but I was amazed at what I knew in my gut.

Breastfeeding may be best but it doesnt work for everyone, so if your struggling remember this... A stressed out mum and a hungry baby is going to inhibit the bonding process more than whether it is being fed by a boob or a bottle!

Think of your stretch marks as battle scars.

and the best peice of advise anyone ever gave me when i was pregnant and freaking out:

"Just because your having a kid of your own doesnt mean you have to like everyone else's!!!"

Good Luck Ladies!
Hi everyone,

Zelda, I just love it when my partner leaves me a note. What a good guy. What a great note. Yay Mr. Z. I hope you're feeling better.

Ananke ... wow, I swear your description of the incompetence at your doctor's office just made me feel like I was in some kind of a bad dream. How on earth do people like that even get jobs to begin with? Sigh. I'm glad things are sorted out now.

As for me ... I am on day 10 past my IUI/ovulation and I seem to have my period. GRRRRRRRRRRRR! I'm so annoyed. I wasn't due until Saturday or Sunday. This is madness. I just want to cry or better yet, kick the crap out of something. It's NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR . Is it really unseemly for a grown woman to throw herself to the ground and kick her feet and flail around in a true blue toddler tantrum? Because I truly believe that would actually make me feel better right now.

I've spent too much time on the internet researching "implantation bleeding" to be called sane, so I won't go on and on about that, but as far as I can tell implantation bleeding should be a drop or two. Not jackson pollock splatter in my underwear followed by gobs of blood on my toilet paper all day (sorry, too much info i'm sure.). ARGH.

On the happier front, I would like to put a statue of my partner up in a park that all women with crappy partners can rub for good luck. He is truly wonderful. I never know when I should break the news that all the hope can be flushed away, yet again. I honestly feel like the rawest part of my deal is having to be the messenger each month. I can take the proding, the testing, the poking etc. but having to be the one to announce that it didn't work yet again, breaks my heart. You'd have to see my partner with kids to understand. He is the uncle at every party who spends more time with the kids than the adults. He will honestly be the best dad of any man that I personally know. Anyway, I told him while we were sitting on the couch and he jumped right over to my side, put his forehead against my forehead, his arms around my neck and just massaged the back of my head. He had tears in his eyes when he told me that he wished with all his heart that he could take a turn breaking the news because he knew how much it hurt me. But that I shouldn't feel bad, and he doesn't blame me and he knows that it's going to happen soon for us and that no matter what we will be OK.

I just love him like crazy and I know we will be ok no matter what. I just feel like the world is getting truly ripped off if he doesn't one day get to parent and raise a child b/c holy crap with a dad like that our kid will be able to save the world, make great art, lead a nation, raise his or her own wonderful kids etc. etc. etc.

blah. wah. booh.
Hi everyone,

Zelda, I just love it when my partner leaves me a note. What a good guy. What a great note. Yay Mr. Z. I hope you're feeling better.

Ananke ... wow, I swear your description of the incompetence at your doctor's office just made me feel like I was in some kind of a bad dream. How on earth do people like that even get jobs to begin with? Sigh. I'm glad things are sorted out now.

As for me ... I am on day 10 past my IUI/ovulation and I seem to have my period. GRRRRRRRRRRRR! I'm so annoyed. I wasn't due until Saturday or Sunday. This is madness. I just want to cry or better yet, kick the crap out of something. It's NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR . Is it really unseemly for a grown woman to throw herself to the ground and kick her feet and flail around in a true blue toddler tantrum? Because I truly believe that would actually make me feel better right now.

I've spent too much time on the internet researching "implantation bleeding" to be called sane, so I won't go on and on about that, but as far as I can tell implantation bleeding should be a drop or two. Not jackson pollock splatter in my underwear followed by gobs of blood on my toilet paper all day (sorry, too much info i'm sure.). ARGH.

On the happier front, I would like to put a statue of my partner up in a park that all women with crappy partners can rub for good luck. He is truly wonderful. I never know when I should break the news that all the hope can be flushed away, yet again. I honestly feel like the rawest part of my deal is having to be the messenger each month. I can take the proding, the testing, the poking etc. but having to be the one to announce that it didn't work yet again, breaks my heart. You'd have to see my partner with kids to understand. He is the uncle at every party who spends more time with the kids than the adults. He will honestly be the best dad of any man that I personally know. Anyway, I told him while we were sitting on the couch and he jumped right over to my side, put his forehead against my forehead, his arms around my neck and just massaged the back of my head. He had tears in his eyes when he told me that he wished with all his heart that he could take a turn breaking the news because he knew how much it hurt me. But that I shouldn't feel bad, and he doesn't blame me and he knows that it's going to happen soon for us and that no matter what we will be OK.

I just love him like crazy and I know we will be ok no matter what. I just feel like the world is getting truly ripped off if he doesn't one day get to parent and raise a child b/c holy crap with a dad like that our kid will be able to save the world, make great art, lead a nation, raise his or her own wonderful kids etc. etc. etc.

blah. wah. booh.
((Fookie)) It is not fair. If you feel like throwing a temper tantrum, I say go for it! Sometimes the release is the best medicine. I had a HUGE cry this weekend and felt much better after it. I literally sobbed like a baby and I didn't hold back one bit. It was definitely therapeutic.

I love your description of your husband. With a relationship like that, you two can definitely get through anything. He sounds wonderful (and so do you!) Thank you for the reminder that the relationship comes first. I need try to remember that my husband comes before a person who doesn't even exist yet!

Zelda, I am so happy to hear that you are feeling better and I really like that Mr. Z left you a note. He also sounds wonderful, supportive, and in this with you all the way.

Ananke, the incompetence makes me shudder. I see that kind of thing everyday (I work in healthcare) and it bothers me immensely. Why can't people get it together?

Now for a question. I am already having fertile CM (cycle days 11 and 12), but the ovulation test was negative today. Has anyone experienced this? I am going to start temping tomorrow so I'll know when ovulation is over, but am curious why there wouldn't even be a light line indicating LH. Last month I ovulated late and this month it seems it'll be early. Where did my regular cycle go??? (Sigh)
Argh, Fookie. Are you sure it is your period? Mother of pearl...I *have* heard that implantation bleeding can be sneaky enough as to mimic a period, so I wouldn't rule out anything just yet.

It isn't fair. I am a public school teacher, and I see people who should never have been allowed to breed popping out kids left and right when really cool, wonderful people either have trouble TTC or end up not wanting kids (which I understand, but...) We need more great parents in this world!

I can only say that we are here for you to rant, cry, and explode. And it is SO awesome you have such a great partner in Mr. Fookie. I have a feeling, I do, that somehow you will become parents. I am crossing my fingers and thinking of you.

Michelina, I generally start getting fertile quality CM on day 9 or 10 even though the times I've used an OPK I don't get a positive test until 11 or 12. So I think that's very normal. Once I started getting EWCM on day 8! And I'm pretty sure I didn't ovulate until day 12 or 13. I think the CM - more than temping or anything else - is the best sign that you should go for it. :-)
zelda the way, Michelina, I had a month when the OPK strips never showed a positive, and I was using the kind with the damn happy face on them, so they were either positive or negative. And I never got a positive read despite my CM being clearly fertile.

I realized later it's because my first morning urine is incredibly diluted, and that you shouldn't use first morning urine regardless. When I started testing in the afternoon after holding my urine for at least three hours and not drinking anything all afternoon, my pee was bright yellow, and I got the right reading.

Oh, and Fookie, there is no such thing as TMI here as far as I am concerned. That's why it's BUST and not freaky baby dust flying angel land. :-)
i had a very long post saved all ready to post then i had to go somewhere. when i came back my husband had already closed the browser and of course didn't save what wrote. ugh. so i'm just jumping in because i feel like i'm never going to catch up.

tmi is welcome on bust! if you are grossed out by tmi bust is definitely not for you. smile.gif

fookie, it still might be imp. bleeding. no one will hold it against you if you throw a tantrum to make you feel better. your husband seems wonderful.

i thought that the first morning urine is strongest and that's why you take a pg test at that time?
my doctor has me taking him a pee sample from home each visit.

ananke- i think that good receptionists really make a big difference. the ones at my dr.'s office have been great so far and that's part of the reason i didn't go somewhere else.

zelda- i'm sorry it didn't work out this month but i agree that taking some focus off of ttc might be a good thing. still "do it" but also relax if you can.

michelina- congrats on the house! we are thinking of buying also but i'm not sure i want an added stress right now and i love the house i'm renting.

jenny are you 12 weeks? i am 12 weeks also. 13 on saturday.

i have my appt tomorrow. we'll see what they say. it turns out that i have gestational diabetes. it's early but the doc tested me early because diabetes runs rampant in my family. so after seeing the doc i have to go to the hospital for diabetes awareness class. the only good thing about this is that i will be watching my diet even more and after the baby comes it will be easier to stick to a strict diet. the doctor also found that i have an underactive thyroid so i'm on meds for that now. other than that the pregnancy is going well. i didn't have morning sickness and other than being tired i'm doing well. oh and my boobs always hurt. what i am worried about is that i got pregnant while being so heavy. the doc doesn't seem worried but i am. oh well, i'm not going to stress about it because all i can do now is try to take care of myself the best i can.

*sprinkles baby angel dust all over thread* hee hee
Thanks for the baby dust, Shugga...I'm gonna go mix it in this Jack and Coke I'm making right now, see if it does the job.


RE: First morning urine. It is better to use a home pregnancy test with FMU, but as far as OPK tests, it's best to use pee from the afternoon (around 2 pm or so) because the LH surge tends to take place during the day...I believe I read that once on

By the way, despite being a favorite of TTC baby dust freaks, I have actually found the pee on a stick website to be informative, self-deprecating and funny. Plus, it's written by a nurse and mom, so she has some clue of what she's talking about.

Fookie, I am still crossing my fingers for you...while holding this Jack and Coke.
(((Zelda, Michelina, Shugga)))

Aw thanks ladies. I'm so glad I'm here and thank you so much for your plain ol' loveliness and crossed fingers.

Jack and Coke sounds like a GREAT plan.

Shugga, good luck with the gestational diabetes testing. How do they test? Is it some sort of stress test? Do you have to drink massive amounts of anything?

As for me ... It really is my period, and a heavy one at that. Thank you though for holding out hope it was implantation bleeding. I called the fertility clinic this morning to find out if I should go in for blood or anything while this was happening and the nurse was almost as helpful as Ananke's doctor's office receptionist. Argh! "Maybe you ovulated early." Really? So you think the phlebotomists, ultrasound techs and doctors all screwed up reading my test results every day leading up to ovulation and the trigger shot? Or is it just a big conspiracy? Sigh.

I go in on Thursday for Day 3 baseline blood and ultrasound. I'll see a doctor then and hopefully he/she will be willing to trouble shoot this a little. I made an appointment with my naturopath for next Tuesday. All I want are some answers at this point. I'm sick of "unexplained."

RE: first morning urine. I have also read for the OPK that you should take afternoon urine, ideally, or after work. I'm not sure if any of you ladies are from Canada, but there's a website (am I allowed to post this?) called that has great info on how to use the OPKs and HPTs but is also a fantastic place to buy the HPTs and OPKs in bulk. It's a totally legit website, it was recommended to me and I've passed it along to more than a few people.

Anyway. I'm feeling ok. Still a bit sad and frustrated by the randomness of it all, but I'm through the worst of it and am looking ahead to this new cycle. Thank you again, so much for your support.

Fookie, I think it's fine to post any site as long as there aren't any dancing angel babies and freaky sig lines ten inches wide. After this month off, I think I may try to buy some OPKs again. I like the Clearblue easy digital with the smiley faces because they are easy to read, but they're expensive.

I'm so sorry about the surprise of your early period. Nice receptionist. "Maybe you ovulated early?" Really dumb ass? Sorry...that's me being not so nice.

It sounds like you are handling it okay...hang in there!...maybe your naturopath will have some answers. Have you tried acupuncture?

For those it just me, or in addition to seeing pregnant women everywhere are you also spotting 16-year-old pregnant girls working as cashiers at McDonald's? I'm like, dang, God, could you consider that perhaps I'd be a better choice in terms of uterus usage?

I am going to Hell.
The nice thing when you realize you're going to hell is that all your friends will be there (and me and all my friends too). Should be a pretty rockin' party.

Jack and Coke sounds lovely. Oh and zelda, I was always kind of a fan of the site as well. Some great guidance and reassurance on how to read pregnancy tests and ovulation tests. Although I had to laugh when I saw that one can purchase (on the site) a special mug to pee in.

(Fookie) - So sorry to hear about your period's early arrival. Blerg blerg blerg, I have no helpful words. Glad you seem to be doing OK despite that though. (And I think adult temper tantrums are highly underrated. I am SO over being an adult sometimes.)

Shugga, I think your attitude towards your pregnancy - just gonna do the best you can to take care of yourself and bebe and let that be good enough - is an excellent one. Sometimes I'm able to go with that, and sometimes I'm on the worry train. And about jenny - she hasn't posted in a bit, but if I'm remembering correctly I think she's maybe 10 weeks along? jenny, am I right?

I am twelve weeks today (woo hoo!). There are still a bajillion people I haven't told yet, including my clients. Still working out exactly when I want to do that. I'm thinking of waiting until after my next prenatal appointment...hoping to the get 1st-trimester screen results back then (doing that screen next week). Really hoping to avoid the whole CVS/amnio ride if I can, but we'll see.
I know lots of pregnant people, but no one who is within weeks of delivering. I think Ananke's getting there, but is a few weeks behind my schedule(?) I feel really on my own right now.

My skin and muscles are so stretched that they feel like a bad sunburn in places. I'm feeling so beaten up and am really quite over this experience now. It has been worth the discomfort, but I am now ready to move on to the next phase where I'm not carrying a whole person in my abdomen.

I'm mad at my guy because he is not absorbing the reality that this child could come at any minute. He's acting like my due date is a set and scheduled appointment and it's business as usual until then.

Mr. E doesn't use a cell phone (and I don't typically either, but am now carrying a pay-as-you-go phone for emergencies). He has been going whole days where he's out in the country for work and not reachable, then gets around to checking in at 7 or 8 at night. By this time, I might have been out of touch with him for 12 hours and I really need him to help me with all sorts of things. He just doesn't get it and I'm pissed!

Things have also been going wrong at work and a backlog is stacking up. I so want to stop working, but I really can't start the clock on that now, because it will put more pressure on me to go back to work that much sooner after the birth.

I have a friend coming in this weekend to help me with everything I have to do and maybe her company will help me feel less frustrated. I only seem to use this board for my complaining. I guess because I'm feeling upbeat, there is no shortage of people willing to listen. Not quite so easy when you feel like screaming and crying at the same time.

I have to say, I think I would be SCREAMING at my husband if he was as nonchalant about the final stretch as your guy seems to be at the moment. Being out of touch for 12 hours at a stretch - not cool. So frustrating that he just doesn't seem to get that this situation is less like the baby arriving for their scheduled appointment and more like you're a timer on which we don't know how many more days/hours/minutes remain. And I know from what you've already shared that you have so much you're trying to get done before bebe arrives.

I'm glad you have a friend coming in this weekend to help you. Do you have other friends whom you could call on to help you out with some other stuff as well, even to kind of be "on call" and/or stay with you when he's out of town? I suspect from what you've said previously that you've always been the person who's been there for others (or at least so self-reliant that you rarely ask your friends for favors). No better excuse than the impending arrival of bebe to ask for more help (maybe even from some of those early-pregnant'll return the favor in advice someday!).

I know you weren't looking for advice, so feel free to disregard this, but another tack you could try with mr. eyelet (if you haven't already) is to forget trying to convince him that he needs to have the same sense of urgency that you do right now, and just say, "Look, I know you don't think this is a big deal [when you're gone and don't check in for 12 hours, or when you're not there to help me with X,Y,Z], but all these things are really contributing to my stress, and I really need you to do X,Y, Z for ME and for our child." If I had to guess, I'd say that he's Mr. Nonchalant because thinking about the baby coming any day now is scary as hell, so he's practicing a little denial as a coping mechanism. Which of course is a lot easier to do when the kid isn't inside his body.

Anyway, thinking of you...and no worries about using the board to complain, we're here for it all! I always find it a lot harder to complain when I'm talking to friends in person (or on the phone) too. Partly because I sometimes go for awhile between seeing/talking with some of my friends, and I hate to be all, "Hey, long time no speak! Yeah, so let me tell you about the suckage in my life."

Yes, my mate is definitely in denial about this. Since I'm normally so much more of a planner and thinker ahead, I believe he also sees this as just one more manifestation of that. Like I'm over-thinking the situation. He's also convinced I could give birth to a child while squatting in a corn field, just because I'm tall(ish) and strong. No I'm not a teeny delicate girl, but I still need looking after and could still have an emergency. I think he's in denial about that too.

It's not often that he is unreachable for 12 hours, but it did happen once this week, and there have been periods of 5 or 6 hours routinely. He's not used to being needed like this. He's actually not used to having obligations to other people. He's loving and kind, but a little clueless to as to what it means to have a family. I have always had someone in my life that needed to be checked on or considered when making big decisions. It's hard for me to explain this concept to a 46 year old man who left home when he was 16 and never really had to check in with anyone again.

When we have periods of disconnection like this, they are usually followed by some kind of philosophical/behavioral shift in him. It's like he has to go be an asshole for a while and see how useless it is before he'll adopt a new idea.

It's just harder to be patient with the process right now.

I do actually have plenty of people I could call if I needed urgent help, but those just aren't the people I want to call. Still, glad to have them.
It's a new day. I really do feel better.

Zelda: There are pregnant people EVERYWHERE near me. A woman at work came back from mat leave and announced she was one month pregnant her first day back. My sister in law is due in july. My sister is due with her second and third (TWINS!!!!) in August. The list goes on. I am so happy for all of them and at the same time in my worst moments I seethe with irrational rage at the unfairness of it. Seeing a pregnant teen working behind the counter at McDonald's might throw me right over the edge. The other day my partner and I were walking the dog at a local park and this insanely young couple (?) were fighting. Loudly. With swear words (you take your damn kid, no you f-ing take her etc.). The kid had wandered away. I had very serious thoughts of taking her. (ok, not really, but you know what I mean.) This kid needed saving before it was too late for her. So frustrating.

I have done acupuncture before with my naturopath. That's actually one of the reasons I want to go back to her. I stopped going when we decided to go the route of medical intervention b/c I already had to miss work on an almost daily basis for the first half of my cycle. I didn't want to push it by having two appointments in one day. BUT.... as fate would have it, my naturopath just moved to an office about five minutes from my work. So now I can go during my lunch hour and not have to make a big deal of it.

Julie: Congrats on 12 weeks! Weeeeeeee! That's wonderful. What line of work are you in?

Eyelet: Where are you in your pregnancy? Sounds like you're nearing the final weeks? Although I have not experienced it yet, I can definitely feel the "i'm so over it" aspect that you mention. I'm so glad your friend is coming over on the weekend. I'm sure her visit will be a welcome distraction. Maybe she'll manage to instill a sense of urgency in your partner? I'd be ready to scream and cry to in your situation. Truly a good scream and cry sometimes does wonders. Especially in the evening. It usually leads to a good solid sleep too. I think Julie may have hit it on the nose when she said the lack of urgency might be a coping mechanism. Having sampled my share of relationships before getting married, I can truly say that many men seem to live by a different clock. I can't explain it. It's so weird. Here's to hoping the arrival of the newest member of your family gives him a nice kick in the derriere!

Zelda, I totally know what you mean about the pregnant teens! I just saw one at A & W and had a thought very similar to yours.

Eyelet, your situation sounds rough. I think Julie's advice is excellent. Although we have never been expecting a baby (!), I have had a similar problem in past with Mr. M not checking in. I have had to explain to him that it is very stressful on me when I don't know where he is and if he's okay. When we first started living together, he didn't come home all evening and never called. I was in a state when he got home. He has gotten much better about it, but I still think he doesn't truly understand why it is so hard on me when he doesn't check in.

Fookie, wow, what a disgusting scene. I would be beyond frustrated seeing that. It really isn't fair.

Julie, congrats on being 12 weeks! You are due in December, right? I am a December baby and I love it. I'm a true Sag!

Thanks for the info on the OPK tests, Zelda. I STILL have no positive, not even a faint line. I am on CD 14 now and have had CM since Sunday. I will keep checking everyday, but am wondering if this will just stress me out even more. I know I haven't ovulated yet, but thought that there would be a faint amount of LH by now.

I'm with you on the 'people who shouldn't be allowed to be pregnant' thing too. Just after I miscarried I saw a woman who must have been about 6/7 months gone SMOKING!!! I can't let myself think about why she gets to have a baby and I (and some of the lovely Busties here) don't or I'd end up having a Fookie-style tantrum. I know I shouldn't be so judgemental but it's so hard to see people who have the one thing I want most and they don't even seem to appreciate it.

Julie and Shugga, congratulations on reaching 12 weeks! Are either of you due for a scan?

Eyelet, are you at the stage yet where your Mr. could potentially miss the birth if he disappears off the radar again? Surely that prospect will help to focus his mind!

Fookie, I'm so sorry to hear your period, and the less-than-helpful nurse. I wanted to add that what you wrote about Mr Fookie was beautiful, I even choked up a little reading it (sap that I am).

It's been 17 days since I ovulated and no period; I'm wondering if the miscarriage or the polyp have affected my luteal phase. The weird thing is I'm having pregnancy symptoms (mild nausea, indigestion, thirsty all the time). We've been diligently using condoms so I can't be pregnant again. Maybe left over hcg in my system? Hmm. Anyway, it better get here soon, we're flying to Australia next week (woo hoo!) and I HATE having my period on holiday.
Funnybird--I'm so excited for you getting to travel soon! I would imagine it might take a month or two for your cycle to re-group. Maybe it will at least be past the heavy part when you're there.

I'm at 37 weeks. And yes, a 12 hour absence could be enough to miss the birth altogether. I've always known where he was going and could have conceivably sent a friend after him, but who wants to mess with that during labor? So last night he told me that he would get a pay as you go cell phone like mine. I still think he's going to indulge in denial until my contractions are 3 minutes apart, but as long as I can reach him, he can stay in whatever happy place he needs to. I think he has it in his head that nothing will happen until his mom and stepdad get here in two weeks because that is the lovely scenario that he has imagined.

If he had a small child banging on the walls of his abdomen, I think he might see this altogether differently. smile.gif

Because I spent my entire 30's wondering why everyone was having children but me, I can understand the TTC frustration quite well. I wasn't testing my ability to conceive then, but I didn't have the opportunity to.

Also--I haven't mentioned this on here, but after an ugly breakup 5 years ago I rather impulsively spent my savings at age 37 to freeze my eggs. I did the entire roller coaster ride of shots and harvest procedure that women do for IVF, but in the end I just had frozen eggs, not embryos. I still do. They're in cold storage and I haven't used them. If everything turns out fine with my child, I suppose I'll offer to donate the eggs. I'm just not sure there's anyone out there that wants to risk using 37 year old ones. This whole episode is something I don't often talk about because I have this strange feeling of shame about it. I'm embarrassed that I was so emotionally distraught, I went to such extremes and spent all this money that I sure could have used now. It was a very weird period of my life, made even weirder by all those hormones.

All this to say that I can relate to almost every perspective on this board.

Off to work I go...

Thanks all for the well wishes!

Michelina, my original due date (based on LMP) was in early December but after they took the crown-to-rump measurement at the first ultrasound they concluded I was further along (as I suspected) and gave me a revised due date of November 25. So the baby will still be a Sag (as long as he/she doesn't make an early appearance).

funnybird, so excited for your impending vacation! Hoping that the period shows up soon....dealing with your period when traveling is no fun, I agree. In answer to your question, part of the first-trimester screening test is an ultrasound, so I'll have another one next week when I go for that. I can tell the excitement and reassurance from my last ultrasound is starting to wear off because as I think about having another one, I keep having random worries that I'll get there and something will be wrong. Mostly those are fleeting worries, thank goodness. Trying to pace myself, as I have about 28 more weeks to get my worrying in.

eyelet, I am very happy that the boy is at least doing the pay-as-you-go cell phone thing. Honestly, it's just a good thing to have these days, pregnant or not. I'm friends with a couple who has one cell phone between them and it SUCKS when the husband goes out of town, because he takes the cell with him, uses tons of minutes, and his wife 1) has no way to get in touch with people when she's out and about and 2) can hardly use it when he gets back because they're in danger of going over their minutes.

Re: the egg freezing thing - I have to say, I have certainly thought about that as a possibility. mr. julie and I had some serious relationship issues for a long time and at one point I thought seriously about whether I could stay in the relationship. The thought of leaving was horrible for many reasons, one of them being my fear that I would never get to be a mom. (Just to reassure - I didn't stay just to have a baby! Things aren't perfect but we made some big strides before we tried to get pregnant and things have been better for awhile now....) So I can definitely understand why you would do egg freezing, though I also understand why you might think "why did I do that?" in retrospect given the expense and the toll on your body.

Oh, yes, and Michelina - I have to admit that when you mentioned seeing a pregnant teen at the A&W, my first thought was not about pregnant teens but about root beer floats. Mmm, root beer floats...*cue Homer Simpson drool*
Does anyone know if there is a thread for being a new parent? I never have much success doing searches on here. I'm sure there has been one at some point, but maybe long expired.
I don't know of one for being a new parent specifically, but there is one about parenting called "The Hip Momma" under, of all things, the "Let's Talk about Sex" section. I lurked there a long time ago and the discussion seemed to be mostly about parenting and less about sex. Here 'tis: Hip Momma thread.

moxie or one of the other moms who reads this thread might be able to suggest something as well. I'd be interested in one on breastfeeding if it exists...
I spent some of my lunchbreak reading the Momma thread and it was reassuring. If I think I need a little encouragement now, I'm really going to need it after the baby comes. They seem to talk a lot about breastfeeding there too.
Funnybird ... AUSTRALIA!!!!!! Woooooo-hoooo. That's so exciting. I hope you post pictures. Where are you going? How long are you going for? What do you have planned? My mom's identical twin lived in Australia with her husband and kids for 30 years. They just moved back ... I never visited. I'm such an ass. My cousins are still there though. I'm counting on at least one of them to get married down there so I finally have a real excuse to dip into savings and make the trip.

As for your period after miscarriage. Did your doc say anything about when to expect it? Both my sisters in law had miscarriages this last year (one of them just gave birth to a boy end of November and the other is due with a boy in June) and had completely different experiences after. The sister in law who had the d&c went back to regular cycles pretty quickly. The one who didn't have the d&c took a lot longer to get back to what she felt was her "normal." I don't know if that's par for the course for their very different situations, but either way the end result was quite good.

Your comment about the pregnant woman smoking made me bristle. One of my sisters-in-law smoked through her pregnancy (this despite miscarrying and being told by her midwife that smoking can contribute to miscarriages). And she's so completely oblivious about it that when she was recounting the birth she went on and one about how weird the mid-wife was about the fact that she and her partner reekied like smoke during the whole delivery. They also smoke in their vehicle (supposdely only when the kids aren't in it) so every time we see them the baby reeks like smoke. It's awful. And then ironically she obsesses about things like making her own baby food, breastfeeding, sleeping schedules etc. etc. etc. Meanwhile in my mind the smoking is so much worse than feeding the kid formula or letting it stay up until midnight ACKHHHH!

Eyelet: I'm so glad your partner is getting the phone. It sounds like he does get where you're coming from now, even if the reality has'tn quite sunk in for him yet. I love that you said he just thinks it's all going to be perfectly timed with the arrival of your in-laws. Ha ha ha. That sounds exactly like something my partner would think/feel. Your description of the baby banging on the walls of your abdomen gave me a better glimpse into what being at your stage of pregnancy might actually feel like than anything else I've read.

Your story about freezing your eggs at 37 brought a tear to my eye but also made my want to scream "you rock!" That is such a totally proactive, smart, godesse thing of you to have done. Erase that embarrassement from your head. What you did was something only a strong woman with foresight and the will to get what she wants regardless of what happens in her life would do. And I think that if you do decide one day to donate the eggs, someone who really needs them will be more than lucky to have them. Just think what kind of smart, strong kid they'd end up with!

Julie, I literally spat my green tea out when I read your comment about the root beer floats! My head usually does things like that and I can't even blame it on pregnancy!

Well, I went in for me day 3 baseline today only to find out that I will have to sit this cycle out due to many cysts (this is apparently common and of no health concern whatsoever when you're being stimulated into producing multiple follicles each month. I had six last month so responded very well to the meds). I also learned that while on a lower dose for my first cycle back in February, my body was able to support the two eggs I ovulated in terms of progesterone. Apparently my body did not cooperate for six eggs and that's why my period came early. So armed with this new information, when I cycle again in June I will get progesterone suppositories (which orifice do you think those go in?) for the two week wait.

I was pretty bummed out, but also relieved. I could really use a bit of a break. I did cry in the doctor's office, and then totally sobbed on the drive back to work b/c I felt like such a heel for crying in the doctor's office! I told my partner what happened over MSN and he was very supportive. When I got home he had a bath ready for me and told me he'd be joining me. I got in and he scurried off to "pee". When he got back he had a brownie blast Blizzard with two spoons, and two glasses of Sangria. Best bath ever smile.gif (Sorry, funnybird, but this one is making even me cry as I write it!). He truly is amazing. The best thing I've learned through the past two years is that as much as I want a baby I want what we have together more. A baby would be a fantastic addition, but I'd never trade my relationship for a baby. Not in a million years. (I know that sounds like a weird thought, but with unexplained infertility the possibility that our sperm and eggs are just incompatible throws a whole other monkey wrench into the way you think about things).

Anyway. goodnight everyone. I'm off to have another glass of sangria (one more benefit to not cycling this month!)
That's so lovely Fookie, such a lovely thing to do.

At the moment two good friends are visiting and cooking up a storm. Which is good because NerdBaby is sure gonna come early. If I don't spike/spontaneously go into labour I'll be induced in week 37. My ob. is leaning towards the public holiday (8 june) for some reason - he reckons the hospital generally doesn't like it, but it's the earliest in week 37 he feel comfortable. He was weirded out by the cyst thing so I get another ultrasound in two weeks anyway. My blood pressure was still low (apparently it's been even lower the entire pregnancy which is why he's not entirely happy with it just being normal-low! That was kinda freaky) and there was a little bit of protein in my urine, but mostly he thinks I need to just rest.

WHICH IS POSSIBLE NOW I'VE FINISHED WORK! *dances* I'm so relieved. I'm having issues with the news - a big thing just broke about sexual assaults and gang rapes by sportsmen ANd two cops just got charged with rape during the bushfires and it's really affecting my equilibrium and as much as I try avoiding the news, it's just not working. It's even getting to Mr A (he follows the NRL which is the main sport involved) because so many people are talking about it and being dicks about it. And of course that's on the news break in the damn waiting room before my last appointment...but I've got time now and I plan on sleeping as much as possible and trying to relax.

Eyelet - I would lose my shit so freaking bad. I used to get pissy because my partner could never use his phone properly because it's battery was screwed up. It took me moving to another city and him finally realising that being uncontactable if I need him isn't okay. I think Mr A is a bit more aware of the emergency stuff because friends have had emergency c-sections/long labours/bad labours and he's generally pretty aware of that sort of thing. Mind you he still hasn't gotten his damn wisdom teeth seen to so he's going to have that and a child to deal with at some point. And he hasn't gotten the car serviced. But yeah, the night I freaked out about her moving Mr A pointed out how totally different it is to have that little person inside you and the connection compared to waiting for her on the outside. So he understands that while he may not get why I'm freaking out, he has to trust that I know when I need help and when I need support and when I need him to just do what I've asked, even if it doesn't make that much sense to him.

And yeah, the freezing your eggs thing is insanely brave - even if it came from fear and all that, you made a choice and you did something you believe in. And you did something valuable for yourself. I think that's the most impressive gesture to make to yourself.

And that's so cool that you're coming to Oz! PM me and I can send you some suggestions for most of the east coast.

Fookie, your bath and blizzard (and sangria!) must have absolutely made your day. What a nice thing to do.

Julie, I also laughed at your root beer float comment.

Eyelet, I think you are amazing for what you did with your eggs. I see no shame in that whatsoever. You should be proud that you were a forward-thinking and strong woman who took initiative and didn't just sit around hoping. I had many thoughts of being a single mother by choice a few years ago, and truly believe that I would be beginning to think about taking steps at this point in my life if I were still single now. I know there are a lot of people who would have frowned on me for it, but they are not important.

Ananke, yay for being finished work! And wow, you don't have long to go now! All the best in your last few weeks. Thinking of you.

Funnybird, has your period showed up yet?

I took an OPK test yesterday and finally got a second line. It wasn't as dark as the control so I know it's still a negative, but at least some LH is present now. I should be ovulating any day now. Oh and thanks for the congrats about the house. I kept forgetting to give you more info. It's only about a 15 minute drive from where we are now. The only downside is that I'll be further from work, but still relatively close so I can't complain. We got the okay from the bank yesterday so we're good to go! Possession is at the end of June.

eyelet- i'm the type of person that has always needed some insurance so i can totally see why you would do that. no shame in it!

ananke- yay for no work! you're going to feel so much better, i bet.

funnybird- Australia sounds so amazing! have lots of fun and sun.

julie, i will now be craving rootbeer floats until the end of my pregnancy. i'm due Nov. 21. our babies might be born around the same time. very cool!

fookie- that was so nice of him. you two seem to have a beautiful relationship.

so i DO have gestational diabetes. blah. it's hard to get used to the diet that's more or less 1200 calories a day. it's basically like this
breakfast- 1 starch (15 grams) and 2oz protein. as many non-starchy veggies as i want
snack-( 1 starch 1 protein)
lunch- 2 starches, 3 oz protein, veggies as desired
dinner- same as lunch

yesterday was my first full day and i was starving. today is better. i'm not happy that i can't indulge in pretty much anything for a long time but it's for the sake of baby and myself so i guess i can live without the good things in life for a while. i am trying to have a good attitude about it but i so hungry all the time! ha. i'm sure it will get better in a couple weeks when my body gets used to it.

the dr's visit went well. the machine picked up on the babies heartbeat at 144 but i couldn't hear it! that blew but as long as they got something saying the baby is still in there kicking i'm fine with it. i get an ultra sound at 18 weeks where they will measure and hopefully tell me the gender. whoop!

yesterday i was also a crying mess. i felt like mr.shugga was being a little asshole about the dumbest things. i think i was also being a tad oversensitive but i just felt so overwhelmed. then i spoke to my mother and i acted like i was fine but when i hung up i started sobbing. i was feeling shitty about the diabetes, my weight, my grumpy husband, missing my parents, and the previous to Precious that i saw on Oprah even. haha. i guess i was just due for it. husband just held me, i finished cooking dinner, and watched lost. i feel much better today.
I saw the midwife yesterday and I had hardly any dilation. Last night starting at about 3am, I began to have the worst cramping. It feels just like period cramps, but stays intense for about 20 minutes, then tapers off for a while and returns again with the same intensity. By the last bout at 6 am, I came into the living room to start timing it and see if it was changing. By 8 it had passed but the rest of the day I've felt a lot more pressure and some light pain.

My midwife says it's probably the baby dropping into my pelvis and as long as it's not a consistent pattern and increasingly frequent, it's not pre-labor. I had a little peek into what it will feel like to go into labor and I'm really going to have to start contemplating my mind over pain strategies.

I was told yesterday that I need to drop the 2nd job after next week. I was almost relieved to be given that order because it took the responsibility off me. So one more week of the hectic pace and then I can start having more naps and time to go the pool for some floaty time. Can't wait.
Oh, and thanks everyone for the comments about my choice to freeze eggs. I think my weird feelings about are as much to do with the fact that time in my life was so sad and I felt so desperate. The choice to freeze eggs can be a really smart one for someone who's head is in the right place and who is doing it for the right reasons.
Floating in a pool sounds awesome. Totally awesome. And I know what you mean about that little taste of labour making you think "uh, maybe I will use painkillers" - after the stomach pain night, I have no idea if I could get through without something if it hurts that bad. But I guess it's a different pain.

I'd so float in a pool but it's coming up winter here and totally freezing.
Eyelet - I think you rock about the whole egg freezing thing - I think that whatever choices we make about our own bodies are (or should be) ours and ours alone, and we should certainly reserve the right to either change our minds or do things 'just in case' too. There is too much judgement in society when it comes to pregnancy, birth, feeding and it seems to never stop when you have a kid. And unfortunatly it can put a lot of pressure on a woman going through what is often the most stressful time of their lives. If you are comfortable with your own choices then that is all that matters!

Funnybird - have fun in my dear country, I hope our layed back attitude to life (Yes I am talking in complete sereotypes here!) helps you through this tough time. where are you going???
Just quickly writing to say oh my, I have so many posts to catch up on! I am darting off to my master's graduation ceremony in a bit. Woo hoo!

More later...
Shugga, sorry to hear about the gestational diabetes.

Eyelet, it sounds like it won't be too long now. Taking more time for yourself sounds like a great plan.

Zelda, congratulations!

I got a true positive OPK yesterday, but still don't think I have ovulated. It really feels like a watched pot. I am trying not to think about it. I actually am finding the period before ovulation is worse than the one after.

Oh and I had my physical exam yesterday. My doctor was very supportive and said that the average couple takes 10 months to conceive. She suggested that we abstain for 5 days in the window after my period, and don't start trying until 2 days before ovulation, then again on ovulation, and again two days later (just in case we were off, I guess). We are going to try that strategy next month. She also mentioned how the most important thing is to have fun. It was nice to feel supported and listened to. I didn't ask when she would start running tests, but can't see her wanting to until nearly a year given what she said.
Zelda, congratulations! Hope it went well.

I got home from work yesterday to find a letter waiting for me from the antenatal clinic inviting me for my first appointment and ultrasound. I guess they didn't get the message that I'm no longer pregnant. What annoys me is that the clinic is at the same damn hospital as the emergency gynae unit I went to with the miscarriage! I even have the same patient number on the correspondence from both - couldn't the antenatal clinic have taken a moment to find out why I was already registered at the hospital? I know it was just an admin screw-up, but I didn't like being reminded that I'd be 12 weeks by now. Am I being over sensitive? Anyway, I sure am glad that we're going away so soon (and my period arrived, so I don't have worry about spoiling our holiday).

For the Aussies on the thread, we're in Sydney for a week, then flying to Adelaide to visit family. Any insiders tips on what to see and do will be appreciated.
Oh God, that would suck funnybird. I think that was probably the heardest thing for my SIL - she was due the same time as me so any time anyone asked me about my pregnancy it's exactly where she would have been. The hospital totally should have had something in place for that. I'm so sorry.

I have no idea on sydney (quite frankly the place scares me) but Adelaide is lovely - neat and tidy and tiny. If you're making it out to the Barossa I recommend Kabminye wines. Their muscatel is awesome AND the food is fantastic (get the kangaroo if you can handle it). Go to Haigh's for chocolate (so so so good). Auge for top end dinner out. Gouger St for good asian food. Amalfi's for pizza (they have a stupid tax on their cab. sav - don't order it). Etc (East Terrace Continental) on East Terrace for breakfast - eggs benedict like nothing else I've eaten (breakfast til 3 and they do a good coffee). Catch the trams for fun - they nice and clean (unlike ours here in Melbourne). I'd recommend making it out to the Barossa, just because it's beautiful (and pick up some mettwurst from Linke's butcher in Nurioopta - so so fucking good).
Oh funnybird, how rotten. That seriously sucks. Why can't they coordinate better to prevent this kind of thing happening? I'm really sorry to read that this happened to you. I hope you have an awesome time in AUS. I've never been myself but can't imagine a better place or time for a good getting away from it all holiday.

Michelina, exciting news about your place, the end of June is so close, congrats!

Shugga, good luck with sticking to your new diet, sorry to hear about the gestational diabetes. It's something I'm concerned about too, as I am overweight. It was something I had planned on sorting out around the same sort of time we started trying for a baby, and got pregnant right away.

Eyelet, I would totally be losing my shit even at this stage in my pregnancy if I couldn't get hold of my partner. I already feel so vulnerable and weirdly reliant on him that if I felt like he wasn't in regular contact with me it would affect me terribly, so I am really pleased to hear he is getting a phone that makes him so much more contactable. I am in agreement with everyone here that freezing your eggs was a brave and really positive move in exercising your power over your fertility.

I have my first scan a week on Friday - 12 days from now. I am having mixed feelings about it; I am incredibly excited about seeing the baby and being able to go official about my pregnancy, but I am gut wrenchingly terrified that there will be no baby there, or the baby will have died weeks ago, or there will be something wrong with the baby. I know these are all normal fears, but I feel almost like a day of judgement is around the corner.

Also, I have been not drinking since I found out I was pregnant, and have obviously been engendering suspicion about my knocked up state. I have been trying to put people off the scent this week and drank a small beer in the week (1 unit of alcohol - nothing to worry about according to my pregnancy book) and have been fretting about that decision. I also got in a jacuzzi on Friday night, and it was only when I got out that it occurred to me that might not have been a good idea. I've looked it up and it wasn't! I hope everything is OK and I haven't hurt the baby by getting in the jacuzzi! I was only in it for 10 minutes, so hopefully it'll be OK. GOD! The worrying I am doing about everything.

I am 11 weeks pregnant today, I'll be just shy of 13 weeks when I have the scan. I enquired about some ante-natal classes with the National Childbirth Trust (NCT) and they are already wanting me to sign up for my place in October! That just feels like tempting fate.

Right, fretful rant over! Sorry to bang on.
funnybird, I am so sorry about the letter from the stupid hospital. That is just completely inappropriate...especially given that many pregnancies end in miscarriage you'd think they'd have their system down so that people don't have to have that sad reminder.

I am, however, very excited about your upcoming trip! Sounds wonderful. You'll have to tell us all about your adventures so we can live vicariously through you on your holiday. ;-)

Michelina, congrats on the new place! Homeownership is also a great adventure. Sort of weird on closing day...seemed rather anticlimactic to us - go in, sign over the biggest cashier's check of my life, sign a bunch of papers, here's your keys.

jenny_dreadful, I felt all the same things before my first ultrasound. I think I may have mentioned this before (so forgive the repeat if so) but it was kind of bugging me that everyone at the doctor's office (the receptionist, the nurse who took my blood pressure, even the doc as she was taking my history) kept congratulating us before the ultrasound (which was toward the end of the visit). I thanked them, but internally I was thinking, "Yeah, how about congratulating me AFTER I see an actual baby there, k?" I mentioned this to my other preggo friend and she said she had the same reaction. Hang in there, it will be worth it when little one makes her/his debut on screen. I'm thinking good thoughts for you.

Of course, I have a milder version of these fears as I'm coming up on my next ultrasound (tomorrow, for my first-trimester scan). I know logically speaking that praying "no chromosomal problems, no chromosomal problems...." a million times isn't actually going to change anything, but I keep doing it anyway.

So here's a question for y'all - did any of the pregnant ladies have dental issues? One side of my gums have started HURTING the last few days (way far back in my mouth, on the top right only). I thought I had just been falling down on the flossing, but it hasn't gone away. I'm holding out for a bit because I hate going to the dentist (and because sometimes my gums do funky things anyway and usually I can manage to get it to go away with some gentle flossing and brushing), but if it doesn't improve soon I'm going to bite the bullet and head to the dentist.

I feel kind of like Pregnant Old Lady the last day or so. On Saturday we participated in a neighborhood clean-up day and were raking and picking up trash for a few hours, and Sunday my lower back and my butt muscles were really sore. They're still sore today.

I had a good laugh at myself in the mirror today while doing Belly Check (is there one? how about now?). I seem to have a teeny little belly appearing, but it seems to be directly proportional to the expansion of my butt. And my butt had a nice head start. Kind of nice to look at it in a pregnant context...for the moment I seem to be able to look at myself in a more objective context, rather than, "hey, lay off the ice cream already!"

hi, i have been lurking but not able to keep up with all the posts - i used to be on this board while TTC and pregnant, and now have a lovely 8 month old. we had some trouble along the way, including a chemical pg and a miscarriage, so i know exactly how nerve-wracking the whole thing is. i just wanted to quickly reply to eyelet's question about a post-pregnancy thread - hip mommas is great but can be empty so i thought i would point you also to Mumsnet. as the name suggests, it is a UK site, but there are posters from across the pond, and a refreshing absence of baby dust, signatures with angel wings etc. although dh and dp are used blink.gif

the thing i love is that you can post any question and someone out there will have been through the exact same thing. it is pretty feminist and generally seems to be populated by smart people rather than baby dancing loons.

anyway, have to go, but good luck to all of you who are pregnant or going through the madness of trying to get pregnant.
Thanks Beck. I had a look at the site and it does look like a good demographic for me. Plus I'm used to the slightly different vocabulary because my partner's a Brit.

Funnybird--it might be worthwhile to call the doctors office and make sure they take you off any auto-notification lists just so it doesn't happen again.

I just heard from the midwife that I am a carrier of Group B Strep. Of course my mind went straight to STD's, but that's not what it is. It's apparently a very common thing to be a carrier, but it does mean I have to get a big dose of antibiotic when I go into labor.

Julie--about your belly check--it must be that you're a first time mom and the muscles are standing firm. My friend who is on baby #3 already has a belly at 9 weeks. And she's really slim so it's obvious. Only in my last trimester did I really feel that people could see for certain that I was pregnant and not just plump. And now, here at the end, I'm just a full-on spectacle.

Ananke-we could end up having our babies right around the same time since you're going to be induced early. I really really hope I don't go overdue, because as it is it feels hard to imagine, carrying around this load for another 2-3 weeks.

Now hoisting self up from seated position...
NerdBaby was a cranky little thing last night - she just kept kicking her foot out and it is rather discomfiting to have a giant bulge out ones side. She managed to kick the rib I bruised last week (...apparently Mr A was right and I shouldn't nap on the couch because I managed to bruise my ribcage sleeping awkwardly) and something clicked. It hurts less now, but that was totally disturbing for a while, particularly while I was drifting off because my brain kept having these Alien-type thoughts that she was fighting her way out.

eyelet, I certainly hope we deliver around the same time! My mother reckons the last month (she went over by 2 weeks with me) lasts longer than the entire pregnancy. That sucks about the group b strep, but at least they know now. I'm like you with the belly thing as well - like I only really started looking pregnant these last few months and just podgy before that. The huge boobs don't help much, but I just don't look that big yet. I feel huge, I just don't really look it unless you know my body well. So Mr A could see the beginnings of my bump around week 10, but it wasn't til week 16 close friends could pick it and about week 28 before strangers/acquaintances could.

I have to say though, I'm kinda sick of people right now. One of my workmates lives quite close, but she's an obnoxious 'mothery' type. You know, the ones who ALWAYS remind you to take breaks and eat right and there is not a situation in the world she hasn't experienced in some way (the high blood pressure? Stories about her roommate in hospital who had it) (continuous stories) (mixed with 'oh no, don't do that ananke! remember your blood pressure!' with an indulgent smile at everyone around us to remind them that she's so helpful). I wouldn't be so irritated but I left my usb at work on my last day and a bunch of reserved books came in for me the next day. So on saturday I made the trek over to grab the books and the usb, only to find she's 'helped' by issuing them to me, taking my usb and fucked if I know what after that. Because it's not like I want the damn usb back, or to start the series I'd reserved...

Not to mention my friend who was visiting (who is lovely and my freezer is so full of food) is one of those "OMG you can't be too careful" types and when I said that I'd made the change to hard cooking the yolk of my eggs (I live in a city, God only knows how old the eggs are once I get them!) she was all panicked about it and I made the mistake of trying to explain my personal safety limits - if I lived in the country or still got eggs from my mother's chooks, I'd totally be eating soft poached eggs and making hollandaise. But I'm not. The big mistake came when I said "in any case, the most dangerous thing I can do, and do a lot of, is driving". Which means Mr A has gotten all thingy about me driving unless I have to, so no more dropping him off at work in the morning and having a chat on the way, or driving up for lunch. Which I can understand, but it's kind of annoying that NOW they think of that, but before it was all OH GOD THE EGGS/SALAMI/PARAPHENS IN YOUR CONIDITIONER (she seriously queried me on that - it goes in my fucking hair...)

julie - I went to the dentist in the second trimester because my gums were getting sore and bleeding on occasion - she said it was simply because of the hormones making me more sensitive in general and to just take it easy with the brushing/flossing (i.e. soft toothbrush, don't do it for ages and be gentle). It's pretty common from what I can gather.
Oh, I've been so busy and so far away from this thread, so I'm trying to catch up now.

Funny, I cannot believe the clinic sent that letter. This is by *no* means a quality comparison, but I remember when our previous dear sweet (very old) dog was having all these problems, and we were taking him to the vet regularly. Anyway, we had a scheduled appointment but a few days before he took a turn for the very worst and we decided to put him down.

A few days later we get a chipper message on the machine reminding us about the dog's upcoming appointment. Hello, we had just put the poor sweetie down! I almost burst into tears in the middle of the kitchen. Again, not an adequate comparison at all, but I am so sorry that happened! Enjoy your trip!

Julie, I had a boss whose gums started growing when she got pregnant. Like, extra gums! And they bled. I'm not sure why, but I guess this can happen. My dermatologist told me that moles can grow, too. I hope your mouth feels better soon! By the way, I hear you on the anxiety front re: your first scan. How did it go? We're thinking of you.

My BFF who had the confusing CVS results has her amnio on Wednesday. She is really worried but also just sort of wanting to get the thing over with. Apparently she has to be resting for two days or so after the procedure. I can't wait for her to just have clear results!

Ananke and Eyelet, it would be so cool if you delivered around the same time! Two new BUSTie babies in the world. Yay! Hope you're hanging in there...and eyelet, I second what everyone else has been seeing on the freezing eggs front. I think it was really smart.

Jenny, re: the small beer. Aren't you from the UK? It seems the Europeans have a more lax approach to alcohol during pregnancy while we Americans seem to stress that it's all terrible for you. (I can't think of one pregnancy book over here that would say any alcohol is okay - unlike your book.) I know my mother drank a little while she was pregnant with me and my siblings, and we all turned out fine. I don't think you should worry about it or about the Jacuzzi. Small little things like that once in a while are sure to make no difference! Congrats on getting to the end of the first trimester!

I am sort of taking this month "off." I hid my thermometer, my copy of TCOYF, logged off Fertility Friend, and threw out the OPK strips. I'm also purposely *not* checking my CM!!! Of course, I can't help but be aware of the days. I usually ovulate around day 13 and today was day 11. I told Mr. K the next few days would probably be good if he was interested, so we promptly got busy, and he said we should get busy again on Wednesday. I think I'll be happy with that. I am enjoying not thinking about it *as* much...and having my graduate degree ceremony and a bunch of other stuff on my plate has helped distract me. It's the end of the school year and my students are nuts, so, I've been busy there, too.

I won't lie and say subconsciously I'm hoping that my relaxed approach will magically make it happen, but overall I'm just enjoying the break. Hopefully over the summer when I'm not working, TTC will be more enjoyable.

Michelina, have you ovulated yet? What kind of strips are you using, by the way? I've decided if I buy anymore, I'm going to splurge and buy the digital ones with the smiley face on them. It just makes me feel more certain.

***sprinkles baby dust all over the board heh heh***
Well, blerg. Just got back from my *attempted* first-trimester screening test and am mildly disappointed. The good news: saw the bean, lookin' good as far as my untrained eye can see, saw movement and heart beating and good schtuff like that. The bad news: the baby insisted on standing on his/her head the entire time, so neither the ultrasound tech nor the doctor could get an accurate nuchal fold reading. Which means no first-trimester screen, because as the doctor said, "these measurements are about as good as guessing."

We definitely gave it the old college try - the tech and the doc poked my belly, they had me put my hips up and jiggle around several times, they actually had me get up twice and walk around and take a drink of water in the hopes that one of these things would get the baby to change position. He/she sort of moved up a little after the first walk around, but then promptly headed back into his/her headstand. So, basically, the doctor recommended that we just see what the results of the second trimester quad screen (blood test) are and go from there. I'm seeing my OB next week so we'll see what she says.

Dear baby, hope you are OK and also that you are more cooperative outside the womb than you were today.

Thanks for the info re: the dental thing. It still hurts but has gotten a little better, so I'm just treating the area gingerly for awhile and continuing with the faithful brushing and flossing. I think I have a cleaning scheduled for sometime in the next couple of months, so I'd rather not head to the dentist again if I don't have to. I also read that sugary drinks can make it worse, so I'm trying to lay off the juice and soda (which I should be laying off of anyway).

zelda, that was interesting about your boss. I read that sometimes you can get a little nodule on your gums when you're pregnant but didn't hear about gums growing. Truly weird the things that growing a person does to one's body!

Re: Belly Check - I'm not expecting to see a lot of belly for some time, and I suspect it will be awhile before I look remotely pregnant except to those nearest and dearest. In fact, my mom told me that when she was pregnant with me (her first) she hardly looked pregnant at all even when she was pretty far along. Of course, she's 5'10 and has a bigger frame than me (I'm 5'7) but our general body shapes are pretty similar, so that might happen to me too.

zelda, thinking good thoughts for your friend and her amnio tomorrow. I know it will be a relief to have it over with, at least.

Enjoy your time off the TTC train! If nothing else I think it will be very good for your spirits and your mental health. Sometimes it is all just TOO MUCH. You deserve a break. And congratulations on your graduation!

I have to say, there is something about the fact that those digital fertility monitors deliver results in smiley faces that makes me giggle. When I was charting I used to note days when we'd had sex with smiley faces when I wrote it down (before putting it on Fertility Friend, which notes those days with little hearts). Smiley faces, hearts, am I collecting stickers in middle school again or what?

eyelet and ananke, hope you both are doing well...I agree, it would be very cool to have you guys deliver around the same time. Bustie babies for the win!
Funnybird, I am so sorry that happened to you. It's really inexcusable. I don't know how there is not a system in place to keep things like that from happening. Your trip to Oz sounds amazing!

Julie, sorry to hear the nuchal ultrasound didn't work out. Standing on his / her head - hmmm, perhaps a future gymnast? :-) I hear that those ultrasounds are very difficult to do as baby needs to be in the exact right position so I bet it happens a lot. But it sucks that it happened to you.

Jenny, I too found it interesting that your book says that one drink won't hurt. I agree with Zelda - North American books are all about `No amount of alcohol is known to be safe so don`t drink at all.` It`s refreshing to hear another perspective. The countdown to your ultrasound is really on! I can understand the mixed feelings.

Zelda, I had a positive OPK on Friday and am pretty sure I ovulated on Saturday (CD17). My temp has been up since Sunday. I LOVE the OPK tests. I used the cheap basic strips from Early Pregnancy Tests. I went through about 8 this time, but will know better next cycle when to start. I think these tests are important for me given my somewhat irregular cycles and my doctor`s advice about abstaining 5 days before going for it.

Ananke and Eyelet, thinking of you two in your last weeks. Hope that you are comfortable (or, as comfortable as is possible at this stage.!)
Julie, sorry your babe was uncooperative! Hopefully your OB can provide some answers/insight when you go next week. Isn't there some kind of blood panel you can do in the first trimester to sort of see how everything is? (I'm totally not knowledgeable there.)

My BFF had her amnio today and it went great! She said it was so much easier and less invasive-seeming than the CVS. Her ultrasound looked great, too, and the doctor said she is really pretty sure the CVS results were the result of maternal contamination of the sample and nothing more serious. She should know in 10 to 14 days, and I have a really good feeling that all is well.

I know I am taking this month "off" to a certain degree, but I literally had fertile CM pouring out of me today. I also noticed a very small tinge of bloody mucus in the fertile CM which I have read can be a sign of ovulation. I know, TMI but whatever. Mr. Z and I did it when he got home from work. I think our timing was decent, and even if we don't do it again in the next day or two, I think we did okay for taking the month "off."

I kept my legs in the air for a while afterward and put a pillow under my rear, too. Not sure if that's an urban legend or not, but I figure it can't hurt.

Michelina, glad you ovulated. I know, I like the OPK tests as well. They definitely help. I'm going to go back to them next time.

Mr. Zelda's BFF just called to say he and his wife are expecting. And guess what...they weren't even trying! Woah ho ho! Isn't that always the way.

I hate myself for not being able to enjoy other people's good pregnancy news like I used to be. It is one of the worst things about TTC.

(zelda) I know it the having to act happy for someone else (which part of you is, while the other part is going WHY NOT ME?).

Hang in there. I wish I could say something that would help, but as Anne Lamott once wrote, "My therapist told me to go ahead and feel the feelings. I did. They felt like shit." Just know that you have legions of fans who are going to be cheering like mad when it happens for you.
Thanks, Julie...Anne Lamott is awesome. And that quote is the best!!!

Ouch, that sounds painful Zelda.

Well, I had my last ultrasound (probably) and the cyst has grown somewhat and NerdBaby isn't growing as fast as she was. Because she was so high in the percentiles (70 NOT 80 like I kept thinking *sigh*) she's got a bit more leeway and she only dropped 10% so it isn't panic stations/c-sections/incuding early just yet, but still kinda upsetting. Then there's the cyst ("oh it's only small, 4cm or so"!!!!WTF!!!! That is NOT a small bloody cyst people! Particularly in a newborn!!) and the fact they aren't sure where it is so she'll need scanning after labour and the ultrasound tech is of the opinion it needs doing immediately (as in no feeding) but my obs. reckons I need to feed her to help with diagnostics. So they're consulting with the obs. favoured paediatrician about what he thinks. The downside of that is timing and emergency ultrasounds aren't available in my hospital of choice, but they can transfer NerdBaby to the hospital next door if I birth her at an odd hour/weekend/public holiday, and they are capable of doing surgery at my hospital if needs be. it kinda fucks with the obs. preference to induce me on the public holiday.

On top of that I have to double the meds because my blood pressure is still going up (diastolic is 80 now) and I'm getting more and more headaches (and my feet are swelling, which is weird - I keep joking about my cankles). So i'm under instructions to take it easy and head to the hospital if i feel crap. Which almost prompted a "but I can rest at home" panicked outburst in his office (damn codeine makes me so spacey). I really don't want to head into the hospital for rest, but Mr A is snarking at me now about what I can and can't do and I know he's going to be all thingy from now on. And my mother is worried and wants to know if she needs to fly down now. Mr A does know me quite well though, so he spent an hour last night grooming me (I am such a primate - he picks at me and prods me and brushes my hair and I calm down...) and telling me it's okay and I'm doing well and doing okay and doing a good job. I just feel like shit is rapidly spinning out of control and I really really really need to just let it go and stop worrying about it. What will be will be.

So yeah, that's my whine for the week. I hope you're going well eyelet! Have you finished up on that second job yet?
Hi Ananke-I'm confused about the cyst...does the baby have it or is a uterine cyst? So sorry you're having to go through so much medical crap. And why on earth does the doc need to induce on a holiday weekend? Why not just the following work day?

I'm doing fine. On Thursday I was at 1cm and 60% effaced. That could go on for some time, but it does lead me to believe I won't be overdue, which is a relief. I still don't feel at all ready for the baby to arrive. The house isn't clean enough, I haven't had the midwife home visit, the cloth diapers haven't arrived, and the baby laundry isn't done.

Even though I've told the midwives for months now that my 12 wk. ultrasound put me 5 days further along than my LMP, it's like they finally heard me on this last appointment and are now acting like it could happen before my next Thursday appmt. Midwives aren't immune to the same obliviousness that doctors have when it comes to listening to and remembering details. They couldn't understand my sense of urgency until they finally read the report combined with the pelvic exam and took me seriously.

Good news is my last day at the second job was yesterday. No more sitting at a desk where I can't put my feet up or get a snack when I need it. Being back to having all day to work on my own business and take my time with tasks instead of squeezing them into a few hours each afternoon is a huge relief. Still--glad I had that job while I did because it caught me up on some bills that I needed to pay before this next phase of my life.

So the rest of the weekend I'm attempting to ready my cottage for the birth and baby. My in-laws arrive Wednesday, and the Mr. is probably right that my cervix will wait until they get here. Will keep you posted.
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