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Make sure you test with that super-concentrated early morning pee - I was negative on the friday morning, but inta-line positive saturday morning.

The garlic bread was so good. A couple of times the way NerdBaby has been sitting has meant I've gone from starving hungry to full in four bites, so I'm not looking forward to that. I've started keeping snack sin my hand bags though - when I get hungry I need food there and then. I was ravenous AND nauseous for the first month, just hoovering up my food. It slacked off for a while but now I'm hoovering again. I had the one hour gestational diabetes test this morning - got a small headache, really really freaking tired. I didn't sleep well last night, but after I yelled at Mr A in the car on the way home (about cupboards...) he made me go nap. I slept for two hours, then had leftover pizza for lunch.

But seriously, journal. I wish I'd started journalling before I got pregnant (about trying) but I've found it really helps my anxiety now. It's a nice thing to be able to keep though, and talk to the kid about (like the time you made mama throw up so bad the toilet water splashed on her face and daddy laughed at her and then she cried...) and for you to remember. It's such a life-encompassing thing that being able to read what I was thinking about before I started throwing up, before she started moving, seems so far away.
Well, I reached the holy grail of 18 high temps, so I took the test again this morning. Once again the line was extremely faint, but this time I woke up Architect Boy for a second opinion and he could see it too, so I know that it wasn't just my imagination. I guess we're going with 'pregnant' over 'ovarian cyst'. I'm a little concerned that the hcg levels would be so low though; I'm definitely calling the doctor on Monday to see what's going on. It all feels a bit anti-climatic.

ETA: It's also our nine year anniversary today. And the only gift the poor boy got was a peed-on stick at 7AM.
little one is doing great...thanks for asking! She's 2 months old, and just trooping along. Personality starting to emerge- she seems to dig slapstick humor, and loves looking up to the sky. She also seems a bit more jittery and stimuli sentitive than her sister was (is)- I'm curious to see how that plays out as she gets older.
Funny, I am doing a little dance over here in my seat...woot woot!
Yea Funnybird!

Welcome to the weirdest week of your life...or at least it was for me. You have this as a goal for such a long time and then when it becomes a reality it can feel quite strange. The next 36 weeks will be an adventure.

So all it was was pinpointing the timing of your ovulation right? The former teacher in me wants to come out and say "good job!"
Great news Funnybird! I am so happy for you! I have heard that people with healthy pregnancies can have no or faint lines even at 3 or 4 weeks past conception. So I would guess that a faint line at this point is not indicating a problem. But it's still a good idea to touch base with your doctor.

Woo hoo, funnybird! Congratulations! I am so happy for you! What a great anniversary present.

I wouldn't worry too much about the faintness of the line. Any line usually means you're pregnant, and there are so many variables with those home tests - even within brands - that the faintness or darkness of the lines isn't always an indicator of how much HCG you have, just an indicator that they found some. And that's all you need!

Okay, gotta run but just wanted to say CONGRATS! (And welcome to the "this doesn't feel I really pregnant" club.)
Aww, thanks everyone! Julie, that is absolutely the club for me. I'm gonna try one last time for that bolder line with my last test on Monday, but I guess for now babybird is just being shy.

We're going out for pizza tonight to celebrate our anniversary, which is great because thanks to ananke I've been craving garlic bread non-stop since Friday morning.

Moxie, how does Moxette like her wee sister?
We will rule the world with our garlic breath!

That's freaking awesome, congratulations!
I feel guilty.

We just got back from a wedding where I drank two and a half glasses of wine AND a gin and tonic.

The woman next to me (an acquaintance) asked me if we were planning on starting a family, and I was like, "Yes...well, I'll know in a week if it worked!" (So I was a little buzzed.)

She looked at my drinks like I was Satan.

I'm sorry...I cannot stop drinking just because we are TRYING to conceive. Am I horrible?

Please, God, don't let my baby be born with flippers.

Funnybird, I've been thinking about you all day and just feeling so happy for you!
Funnybird, how was your pizza dinner? You have much to celebrate! Congratulations on your pregnancy and your anniversary!

Zelda, you are right. I am the planner of the relationship and am definitely closer to a type A than the husband. I think I am type B with some serious type A tendencies... and he is undoubtedly a B. Maybe I should just embrace that I am a planner and not beat myself up about it. We chatted sort of half seriously this evening about repro technology vs adoption tonight. We both said we would "maybe" want to try IVF, but are both very open to international adoption. I know that if it comes to seriously considering our options, we will be able to agree on what is best for us as a means to become parents. That gives me a sense of relief.

Also Zelda, please don't beat yourself up. At this point no organ differentiation would have begun. Basically the baby is a ball of cells at this stage. It is important to be free of exposures while the baby's organs are developing. In other words, you (and the potential wee one) are fine.
Zelda, I had two weddings the month I got pregnant. I started feeling nauseous the day before we flew to the first one. It was held at a WINERY. I got plastered. Totally plastered. I had a few drinks on occasion before the morning sickness got bad (at which point anything I ate had to either have a lot of calories or vitamins because I couldn't afford to be down on consuming either). NerdBaby might be born with flippers, but most of the shit about what pregnant women should or shouldn't eat/drink is just that, shit.

Seriously - the studies are flawed like crazy and reporting is fucked. Head to Hoydensville if you want some good feminist analysis of the studies and the media coverage of the studies. Hell, just head there anyway, but it does totally help with the 'oh god I drank coffee MY CHILD WILL NEVER SLEEP!' panicking. At the moment I panic about listeria ALL THE TIME. It's insane. I freaked out about the booze as well, but looking at the studies is pretty damn eye-opening when it comes to how bad the media reporting around pregnancy is.

And fuck that woman, fuck her righteous bullshit.
Thanks, Michelina, for the reassuring words...and thanks, Ananke! You are hilarious.

I actually have two weddings this month as well. The next one is this coming Saturday, the day after my period is scheduled to arrive. I will either be drinking and bummed (if my period shows up) or drinking and wondering (if I'm one day late).

I had incredibly vivid dreams last night, including one where I was petting a homeless dog and his head fell off. I woke up this morning convinced my boobs were a little sore and I have a little gas.

Of course it's all in my imagination, I'm pretty sure...except for the vivid dreams - I really did have those. But I'm still telling myself it's all pregnancy related. ;-)
Very interesting website, Ananke. I feel torn sometimes between the two sides. My sister confessed to having a few drinks (a couple beer in the first tri and a few glasses of wine later on) in her pregnancy and I was like "oh that's totally fine" and didn't think anything of it. But I am not sure I would do the same just because I am a bit of a worrier and would think that if my child has trouble in anything in life, it would be because of that glass of wine! I work with pregnant women and always reassure them that it likely had NO affect if they drank in the first couple of weeks before they knew they were pregnant.

Zelda, isn't it funny how you think about those things when TTC? I just about made plans for drinks for the last weekend in April, but then realized that it might be better to delay to the next weekend when I'll know for sure. With a wedding, it's not exactly possible to reschedule! I have several weddings to go to this year starting this weekend coming up. I should take a look at my calendar to see if I can drink guilt free or not. ;-)
It really is funny how we torture ourselves about all of this stuff, isn't it?

Zelda, shame on that woman for shaming you. Trying to conceive is stressful, and you'll have nine months to be as virtuous as you want. My mom was telling me this week that back in the day (before they had these fancy-pants pee-on-a-stick-at-home tests) you usually didn't know you were pregnant until you went to the doctor and did a test there...and depending on how busy your doc was, sometimes you might be eight weeks or more before you were able to get in to the doc. And don't tell me those women eschewed all drinks and verboten foods before they knew.

I know the common wisdom is that "no level of alcohol has been deemed safe in pregnancy," but I also know a couple of women who were well along whose doctors told them that up to one glass of wine per week was perfectly fine and not to worry.

Ladies, live your lives. I know y'all are planners and like to have control, but we don't, really. If you want to go out for drinks with friends, don't reschedule because you might be pregnant then. Go, and maybe have one or two drinks instead of three or six. Then when you know you're pregnant, you can be, again, as virtuous as you want.

Last night I dreamed that I went skydiving. I have a moderate fear of heights in real life, but in the dream I wasn't afraid at all and willingly jumped out of the plane even though in the dream I hadn't had any skydiving training. I was like, "No problem, I'll just figure it out on the way down." Then I leaped out and it felt great...and almost immediately I realized I was about to hit the ground and I was hoping I didn't get hurt. But I hit the ground and it was like landing from a short didn't hurt at all. Then I was almost disappointed to be on the ground and wanted to do it seconds later I was floating up in the air (almost as if I'd bounced up from the ground or jumped up really high in the air) and I was so excited and happy. I'm sure this has some sort of deep meaning related to my state of mind about the pregnancy, but whatever it means it was a fun dream.
So girls I have a question. I was trying to track when is my ovulation day by checking my discharge... well I don't have too all. Is this normal? I used to have a lot of discharge before(months ago) but now I don't have that much. Although on the day I was supposed to be ovulating I had some in the morning and then in the afternoon I felt a little pain in my uterus/ ovaries/somewhere there (for 5 minutes) then it went away. And when I had sex with my bf it felt "tighter" down there and i felt like he was "reaching the end of the road" down there. You know, that feeling you get when someone goes way too deep? I wonder if this means my cervix was closer to my entrance? (as in , you're ovulating) I haven't done the "checking your temperature" technique yet.
Anyways, I'm just SO PARANOID and such an hypochondriac! me and my bf are planning to have a child sometime in the near future and i would be so disappointed if for some reason I couldn't. I did have hpv before but last time the doc told me it was gone...either way, hpv is not something that would make you infertile right?
aahh :sighs:
dani, hpv is definitely NOT something that would make you infertile. hpv has been linked to cervical cancer, but as long as you are having your annual pap smear, you should be okay.

I have a pretty easy time checking my cervical mucus to know when I'm ovulating. I've been this way my whole life. When the mucus is slippery and stretchy (the consistency of an egg white), you know you are in fertile territory. But not all women have obvious mucus.

It's okay if you don't. It doesn't mean you are not just may have a harder time being able to tell when it is happening. You might want to try an ovulation predictor kit or taking you temp for a few months.

Good cervical mucus is necessary to conceive. It helps "carry" the sperm to the egg...but not all women will see much of it outside of their vagina. There's a product call preseed which is a lube that mimics good cervical husband and I have used it when we ttc. Be warned that some lube like KY or Astroglide is not sperm friendly.

Hope this helps.
QUOTE(zelda @ Apr 6 2009, 12:09 AM) *
dani, hpv is definitely NOT something that would make you infertile. hpv has been linked to cervical cancer, but as long as you are having your annual pap smear, you should be okay.

I have a pretty easy time checking my cervical mucus to know when I'm ovulating. I've been this way my whole life. When the mucus is slippery and stretchy (the consistency of an egg white), you know you are in fertile territory. But not all women have obvious mucus.

It's okay if you don't. It doesn't mean you are not just may have a harder time being able to tell when it is happening. You might want to try an ovulation predictor kit or taking you temp for a few months.

Good cervical mucus is necessary to conceive. It helps "carry" the sperm to the egg...but not all women will see much of it outside of their vagina. There's a product call preseed which is a lube that mimics good cervical husband and I have used it when we ttc. Be warned that some lube like KY or Astroglide is not sperm friendly.

Hope this helps.

Oh wow Zelda thank you so much for your quick answer! I guess that preseed lube will be good. What's funny is that my power of suggestion is really strong. Like if I think I have something, I start feeling is as if it was real. Hence why I think that when I started reading about checking your discharge, I stop having it. Weird I know.
I just hope that I AM ovulating (and that it didn't stop for some weird reason )... do you think that's possible or something only the doctor can find out? I can say I live a pretty healthy lifestyle. Funny thing is that I have my annual pap exam at the end of this month but I don't think I can go cause I don't have insurance anymore :'(
I rarely have any sort of trackable discharge - I never really tried tracking it though.

I did find out today that I failed the first glucose test, so I might have gestational diabetes. Which sucks. I have to take a day off for the next test (like I said to my boss, I'm sure there are occupational health and safety issues with having a sugar-high then crashing prgnant lady who had to fast for 12 hours dealing with patrons) (given I didn't fast last time, it was only an hour test but I still nearly fell asleep in my chair, yelled at Mr A about cupboards and came home to sleep for two hours and wake up with what felt like a hangover, I am NOT looking forward to the three hour because I can't see it going much better). I'm kinda angry about it - like I fucked it all up because I'm fat and unhealthy and don't eat right. Mr A keeps telling me it isn't my fault, but I still feel like it is.

It doesn't surprise me much because I've always had issues with sugar and shit - I crash really bad if I eat lots of sugar, and god help everyone if I don't have a decent breakfast or make the msitake of having sugary crap for breakfast. Not to mention I've been feeling shit the past few weeks, but I figured it was stress and being pregnant, not diabetes.

Mr A keeps making fun of me for having 'teh diabeetus'. He made me dinner though, so he's forgiven.
Ananke, I am sorry that you have gestational diabetes. I would be upset too, but please remember it's not your fault. Will you be on insulin for the rest of your pregnancy?

Dani, a good way to know that you are ovulating is to take your temperature every morning at the same time with (ideally) a digital thermometer. Almost all women get a thermal shift after ovulating so if no other signs are there, or if the other signs are sort of vague, it may help. Have you just started trying? I understand your worry about infertility. I have always been a little concerned, and because it hasn't happened for us yet, I am thinking about it more. Unfortunately for most people, you just don't know until you try. I am trying to relax, but that's easier said than done!

I am going to start using Preseed this cycle, which will be our third try. I am also taking my temperature daily this cycle so I know exactly what is going on and when (at least I hope!) The timing isn't great for us this month as I'll be out of town during my predicted ovulation date, but at least I can use this cycle to learn a little more.
Ananke, I am sorry you have to go through the 3-hour test...that sucks. Even if you do end up having gestational diabetes, just remember that women of all shapes and sizes get it - it wasn't anything you did. Thinking good thoughts for you...

Dani, a couple thoughts. First, if you're hoping to track whether you're ovulating or not, I second Michelina's suggestion that you look into recording your basal body temperature in the mornings. The cervical fluid changes as your body gears up to ovulate, but you can't tell whether you ovulated or not by tracking the cervical fluid alone. Sometimes (due to stress, illness, or just something going on in your body) your body could actually gear up to ovulate and then not actually ovulate. So you could have the slippery fluid but not actually ovulate, or ovulate later than you thought. And that is completely normal and doesn't mean you are fact, lots of women have an occasional month where they don't ovulate for whatever reason.

Second, every woman is different in terms of quality of cervical fluid, and it can vary from month to month. If you do Kegel exercises before checking your fluid, that can help bring more fluid down from the cervix and make it easier to check. Sometimes it seems like you don't have any because it's all hanging out up at the cervix. Also, for some women "creamy" is as fertile as their cervical fluid gets. The book Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a great resource for learning about your body and starting to track these things...even before you want to get pregnant.

I worried for years that I would have trouble getting pregnant - and it wasn't instantaneous, even with some charting of my fertility signs - so I know that telling you not to worry isn't exactly going to help you. But at least for me, learning more about what my body was up to and what was normal for me was really helpful for staving off my "omigod it is NEVER gonna happen" fears.

I will also tell you that my cervical fluid was all wacky the month I got pregnant...a lot at first, then it seemed to dry up but my temperature hadn't gone up yet, so we kept having sex, and I'm pretty sure that the last time we had sex before my temperature went up was the one that did it. And I was out of Preseed, so we didn't use that.
Ananke, I also have a friend who refers to his diabetes as "thu diauhbeeetees."

Sucks tho...I'm sorry. But perhaps you don't have it...I suppose it's better to know and treat it. I second what everyone said here...just hang in there!

I have had kind of weird gas and cramps all day. I'm trying really hard not to read into them. I think it could be my bad diet from over the weekend. Gawd, I wish I could just fast forward to Friday.
When I had gestational diabetes (with moxette and borderline with kiki), we referred to it as "the GD", just to see if people would react as if I had a veneral disease that some pregnant woman would talk OPENLY about. My little rebellion...I couldn't have chocholate, so I had to screw with something. smile.gif

Seriously, Anake- having gest. diabetes isn't so bad- the test is horrific, I'll be frank with you. In fact, I flat out refused to do it the second pregnancy- I failed the 1 hour, and told my doc's that I would rather presume I was positive than go through the test again (honestly, I think it was worse than labor and c-section!). Make sure your partner drives you and stays with you during the test. Bring something to sip on (like ginger ale or coke) for the way home, and work slowly up on foods afterwards.

So, with regards to the drinking during pregnancy- with moxette, I refrained 100%; but by the time I was 35 weeks pregnant with kiki, it was christmas time, and i had a couple of glasses of wine between 35 and 39 weeks. She's fine. We all (many of us VERY pregnant at the time) discussed this, and realized that although there is no known safe amount, there is no way 1 glass of wine on christmas eve at 35+ weeks was going to hurt the baby. I drank literally until I took the pregnancy test both times- I had a glass of wine in my hand when i saw the "positive" with moxette (doh'...should'a finished it first), and was so certain I was pregnant the second time, that I drank almost a whole bottle by myself the night before I tested with kiki. Mostly, whatever you do before you KNOW you're pregnant won't hurt the embryo (i refuse to think of a mass of cells as a baby), as its not even taking nourishment or O2 from you that early.
I am soooooooooo not looking forward to tomorrow. I got the day off (yay) and I just had pot pie for dinner (mmmmm pork) so I'm prepared as much as I can be - I'll take something to drink afterwards. I found out my result was 9.5 (175 in the other scale) and about half of women with that result on the first do have "the GD" (I am so referring to it as that moxiegirl!). Most of the stuff I was reading was about how to beat the test, which seems kinda stupid because I'd rather know if I've got it, than not know. But yeah, I'm a little calmer than I was about it, mostly because it is something I can deal with and work with.



Taking temperatures seems to be the easiest way, from what I can gather, particularly with digital thermometers. And those last few days before you're due suck so so so BAD - just so bad. I was sick and back at work after holidays so it wasn't as bad when I did get pregnant, but the other months sucked.
Oh, anake- FWIW, actually having GD isn't so bad at all...more ultrasounds (cool), stress tests (nice time to relax, actually) and the diet restrictions aren't bad at.all. Its much more about portioning your carbs effectivly throughout the day, which reallyt, we should do anyway. It's a bit of a pain in the patooty to test sugars 4X daily, but its a small price to pay for a healthy baby.
Hang in there, zelda! Friday will be here soon. Not soon enough, I know.

Ananke...sending good thoughts for you for tomorrow's test. I know you'll be fine whatever the outcome, but I know the test itself is no picnic.

funnybird, how are you doing?

I thought I was having some cramping this I feel totally and completely one hundred percent normal.

I just don't think it worked this month.

I guess I keep trying to remind myself of the women who had zero symptoms before their missed periods. But it just seems like *most* women have *something* (sore boobs, fatigue, etc.) beforehand, and I got nada, nothing, zilch.

It's not over until my period shows, I know...but I just don't have a good feeling about this month. The cramping is probably gas. And that's my only possible symptom.

Sigh...just waiting around for Friday. And gearing up to try for month number four.

Doop doop doop....

Julie, in answer to your question, funnybird is slowly losing her marbles. I am 22 days past ovulation and the saga of the maybebaby continues. I took my last test on Monday morning, thinking that I'd have more hcg by then and I could be absolutely, definitely sure. Instead the line was as faint as before; more like a shadow of a line, so I called the doctor and made an appointment for this morning and managed to stop myself buying any more tests in the mean time. This morning I found myself sitting in the clinic after taking another test given to me by the doctor, as she peered at my pee-stick with a furrowed brow, muttering "It is very faint. A positive is usually more distinct. I think we should do a blood test." This was after confidently telling me how rare false positives were, and that even a faint line was a positive! So now I have a hole in my arm and I have to wait for the clinic to call me tomorrow with the results. On my way out, she said to me "if the blood test is negative, don't worry. You're young and you have plenty of time to keep trying!". How did this situation become so absurd? Either I'm f*cking well pregnant or I'm not!

Zelda honey, I wanted to be able to say lovely reassuring things about the only "symptom" that means anything is a late period, and not to rule yourself out yet. But it occurs to me that I'm probably not the person to be giving advice on how to tell if you're pregnant. Hang on in there though.

Ananke, I hope you're getting through today okay, and that it's no more unpleasant then it has to be.
Funnybird, your situation does indeed sound like a saga...and I know that doctor only meant well, but what a dumb thing to say as you walked out the door.

I still say you're pregnant. I do. I know the internet is not to be trusted, but in my online travels I've read of stories of women who do not have a positive home pregnancy test until weeks into the pregnancy. I even read (not that you want to go there) of a woman who actually had a negative BLOOD test who ended up being pregnant. Who knows what is true and what is not, but to me, the no period thing is clue number one, especially since you haven't been this late before.

I am crossing my fingers, but I really do believe it is going to be okay and you are making a baby as I type this.

I caved and tested this morning with a super cheap pregnancy test that came free with our tube of Preseed. But according to the packaging, it tests at 20 ml (or whatever) of HCG, so that's pretty sensitive.

It was negative. I know I'm only 11 or 12 days past ovulation, but...I just have a feeling it's the truth. I'll know for sure when I get my clockwork period...("The Clockwork Period"...sounds like a movie title) on Friday.

I don't know why I tested early. I guess because the test was in the nightstand, and the cramping these last few days, and I just couldn't help myself.

Three months of trying done...two if you don't count the first month when I believe we were trying too late. I have promised myself I won't get sad until we've been trying for 7 months. Lucky 7.

Am I starting to sound as insane as the women on those TTC board littered with pictures of bunnies and flowers? Please say no.
Funnybird, that was such an ignorant thing for your doctor to say. What was she thinking?! I agree with Zelda about the pregnancy test thing. I have recently heard of many women getting a negative result while pregnant so the fact that a line is there (and you have no period) is definitely pointing in the direction that you are indeed pregnant. Sounds so frustrating, though. Do you feel any different?

Zelda, I too have tested at the point that you are in your cycle. It is so hard to resist that urge when those tests are sitting around. Fingers crossed for you.

I am still waiting to ovulate. I am at CD12 today. I have been faithfully taking my temps so far this cycle.
I'm so sorry this is turning into a saga for you. I still have a good feeling about it, though. I'm sending all my good thoughts and wishes your way.

When will people learn that saying "Don't worry, you can still keep trying" to someone who really wants to be pregnant is like saying "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find somebody" to someone who has just broken up with their significant other or "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find something soon" to someone who didn't get a job they really wanted? IT DOESN'T HELP. That said, I'm sure it was just a thoughtless comment - meaning, she wasn't thinking when she said it.

Take care of yourself, dear. I've tested that early on and then cursed myself days later when my "clockwork period" showed up. However, we just don't know yet, so I still am sending you good thoughts for Friday as well.

And no, you are not sounding insane at all. It is really hard to resist testing when you have tests around, especially when you have a good feeling about your timing. Now, if you start talking about your "dear husband" and you "baby dancing" or "DTD" ("doing the deed"), and that you are becoming a POAS ("pee on a stick") addict, we might have to declare a Bustie intervention. wink.gif
Thanks, Michelina and Julie. I appreciate it. I know it sounds corny, but you don't know how much it means to come here and get some support. I talk to my BFF about this, but it's hard because she's pregnant and SOOOOO excited. And even though there are pregnant BUSTies here, y'all understand what I'm going through.

I think it would be better if I just didn't have any tests in the house. I have two sitting around right now - one more cheapie that came with the Preseed and one EPT test that I bought a while back. I'm certainly not going to throw them out, but when they're gone, I'm not going to buy anymore unless I really think I need to test.

It's so ridiculous to be down in the mouth after only three months. But I think there was this part of me that assumed I would get pregnant quickly. I don't know why I assumed that. Does everyone? So many people take sooo long. Why should I be different?

Mr. Zelda is going to try the Fertell test this month. He's cut back his smoking already, which I appreciate. Maybe that will be the ticket.

I feel really depressed and down right now. I feel mad at myself for testing early and slaying the hope I could have had for at least two or three more days. I feel envious of my BFF who is going for her three month check-up today. We're going to be at the same wedding on Saturday, and I know she is going to start telling everyone there while I knock back cocktails and try to stay positive.

Now I know I'm definitely getting my period. PMS.
Julie, thanks for clarifying some of those acronyms. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what 'DH' stands for!

Zelda, you.are.not.insane. This is a tough time. I kind of deep down also thought I just might be one of the lucky ones too. It is frustrating to have no idea when it will happen... if at all. I think not having tests on hand is a good one. It will be tough to be at that wedding with your friend unless you have your own good news.

I just found out (get this, through Facebook!) that my sister-in-law is pregnant. My husband doesn't even know yet, or else he forgot to mention it, which I doubt. I know they deserve this- have been trying for around a year I think- and I am happy for them. But I can't help but feel sad and jealous too.

As a side not, we found out about their engagement through a crazy uncle and now find out they are expecting through a cousin on FB. That somehow bothers me.
Thanks, Michelina. :-)

Weird about your sister-in-law...I, too, have found out about my fair share of pregnancies via Facebook, but you would think with family you would find out in a way that was a little more personal!

My cramps were so bad tonight. I have a feeling my period is coming tomorrow, a day early. Mr. Z and I had sex and I was even cramping after that. They never come this soon before my period; if not for that negative test I might be excited right now.

Anyway, after we did it, I told him I was pretty sure my period was coming (didn't bother mentioning the negative test), and he said he was sorry...then we ended up having a lousy conversation where he said he felt like he was "under pressure." He said it wasn't even anything I was doing - I actually thought I was doing a pretty good job keeping my angst confined to places like this board - but he said he was putting the pressure on himself regardless. He "knows" me and knows that I get anxious and impatient when I don't get what I want right away. I felt so bad! But at the same time, I feel like as my husband I should be able to go to him when I'm down and sad about my period coming.

I also told him maybe this whole exercise is the fates telling me I have to learn to be patient, and that I really didn't want to pressure him at all. Now I feel so lousy...we have a really good relationship. I don't know what I would do without him! And I don't want this ttc thing to mess with that.

A little bit later, I told him that I didn't want to beat a dead horse, but I wanted him to know he was under NO pressure, and I loved him, and it would all be okay.

Bleh. This baby making shit is frustrating sometimes.
Okay, sorry to be posting like a mad freak, but I have insomnia and I'm depressed. I'm seriously not as nuts as all these posts make me out to be.

I've decided to get "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and a thermometer based on the advice of everyone here.

Gads...okay, I'm going to try to go to sleep now.
Zelda, you are not a mad freak! Or if you are, you're not the only one. I did something reeeaallly stupid last night: I googled 'low hcg', and wow do I wish I hadn't. Now I can't help but attribute my cramps to an ectopic pregnancy, a blighted ovum or impending miscarriage, and I haven't even has the results back yet. I'm worried that if I AM pregnant but have low hcg (hence the faintness of the positives), or even it's negative my doctor will tell me that it's down to my dates being wrong and won't believe that I'm absolutely certain of when I ovulated. Or if she does think there's cause for concern, nothing will happen until next week because of the Easter weekend and I'll be stuck with a foetus in my fallopian tube or something horrible.

I know how insane I sound (I hope you can console yourself Zelda, that however crazy you think you are going you look perfectly sane in comparison to me).

I'm sorry for my crazy ramblings. I'm just completely unable to see a happy ending at this moment.

Now I have to go to work and act normal.
It is really really really easy to drive yourself crazy with this whole thing. Don't google though, just...don't. It's bad. Stay away from the crazy baby places too (MDC I'm looking at you) - I've only just been able to read a due date club on lj without my husband threatening to take away the internet. There is so so much crazy and it is so so easy to fall into the DH/POAS/TTC/TWW trap where every single thing you do, feel, think and say has to be able pregnancy. I carried a lot of guilt because I thought I was some crazy fucked up loser because I wasn't and couldn't be like that. And then there are the crazy stories and the 'oh god, will that happen to me' stuff

I got really sad the third month too - I don't know if it maybe would have gotten worse, but I think 3 is one of those numbers that you feel a certain amount of importance about. Like 7. But seriously you can feel as sad and shitty as you want. I don't begrudge my sister-in-law her grief or anger or anything (I mean, don't be a dick to me, but you can't be happy all the damn time when you're not feeling it) because it is fucking sad sometimes and you can be jealous and it doesn't make you a bad person. It does suck when you want something really bad and it doesn't happen. Particularly if you've got a planning/organisation mind. I was so strict with myself because I know how obsessive and crazy I can get, and I still cried that first period and I still got upset when I got my period. It's normal y'know?

The test went pretty well and I don't have teh GD! I'm so happy about that. *eats an easter egg*
Well, I got the results. I'm definitely pregnant. My hcg levels are low (165 mlU/ml) but within the normal range for 5 weeks (which is what the doc has decided I am due to me not having ovulated until day 22). I guess we can rule out twins though...

I know how neurotic it sounds, but I know I won't be entirely happy until I see a heartbeat on an scan. But I also know that as long as the cramps are mild and I'm not bleeding things are probably okay. I was partly such a wreck when I posted this morning because I don't entirely trust the doctor I saw (she seemed very young and inexperienced), but now the pregnancy is confirmed I get handed over to the maternity unit at the hospital from this point on. I chose a hospital with an excellent early pregnancy unit, which helps me feel a little better.
**Deep breaths**

Wow, I hope I'm not going to be like this for the next 8 months. No more googling!

Zelda, any definite news yet? "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" is a great book. I was shocked at how ignorant about my body I was when I read it (and I grew up in a family of medics so I always considered myself to be pretty clued-up. I was certainly the only kid in my nursery class to know what and where my cervix was), and its written in a really calm and reassuring style.

Michelina, I've found out about friends' pregnancies on facebook too. Not close family though, that is pretty weird!

Hooray for you ananke! Now you can continue to enjoy garlic bread without worrying.

Oh, and pretty much everyone secretly thinks they'll be in the 20% who get pregnant straight away, even if they won't admit it. I certainly did.
Oh, funnybird, congratulations! I knew it. I know you are still uncertain, but you've gotten some very good news today, and I hope you take the time to just enjoy it! Yay!

I know, I need to put a STOP GOOGLING sign on my computer. Seriously.

If my period does indeed show this month, I'm definitely getting "Taking Charge." I think it will help calm me down. And I left Mr. Z a little note this morning (I leave very early for work while he is still asleep), letting him know he is the sweetest husband on the planet, and he doesn't need to feel pressured.

No news yet. My period is due today or tomorrow, I reckon. Last night I had horrible cramps, and I kept running to the bathroom to see if my period had started, but nothing. That's pretty rare for me, and were it not for that negative test, I might even be excited. I will still be sad when my period starts, but a negative test on day 26 of a 28 day cycle is pretty certain, I say.

By the way, it was so nice to wake up this morning and read Ananke and Funnybird's means so much to read everyone's posts who are trying to make me feel better. And I'm so glad to know y'all don't think I'm mad.

And Ananke, that is so great about not having "the diahbeeetuhs." Fabulous news!

Oh, so wonderful to read all this good news!

Congratulations, funnybird! I am so happy for you, I'm seriously beaming right now. What a relief to stop dealing with the "is that a line? how about now?" business.

Ananke, congratulations to you too! I know the testing sucked but I'm so happy to hear that you don't have "the GD." I'm sure things would have worked out fine either way, but it's definitely a relief to have one less thing to worry about.

Zelda, it ain't over till it's over. You sound like me before my period after a couple of months of trying, basically trying to tell myself "this isn't it, this isn't it" in an effort to keep myself from being so crushed when it wasn't it. (Sadly, that did not work.) You're not insane, you're totally normal. We're all like Veruca Salt, when we want it, we want it NOW! And it's okay to want this and to be sad when it doesn't happen when we want it to.

Taking Charge is an awesome book and well worth reading, but I will warn you that there are chapters in it that cover infertility and various conditions that can affect fertility, so if you have a natural tendency towards wondering "Oh no, maybe I have THAT!" when you read something, you might want to avoid those chapters, at least for awhile. Also - again, I love this book and consider it a great resource - sometimes the tone of the book and some of the stories used (many of which are "these people tried for years without luck and then they charted and got pregnant on the first cycle!") tend to imply that if you use this method correctly you'll totally get pregnant right away. Which I can tell you is not the case. I do like that she highly recommends that you not test until you've at least gotten past your normal luteal phase - she tends to concentrate on the "18 high temps after ovulation and you're almost certainly pregnant."

I have also seen pregnancy announcements on Facebook, but I'm assuming that the people involved told others who were closest to them before posting it. I told a close friend last night (which was great - she was so happy for me she cried) and she asked me when I was going to tell a mutual friend of ours. I told her it wouldn't be for awhile because our mutual friend is on Facebook but isn't very Facebook-savvy and I can just see her posting some "congratulations on the baby!" message on my wall without thinking.

So, this is so dorky but I just have to share. I actually took a picture of my positive pregnancy test, and sometimes when I am having a "did that really happen or am I just dreaming this?" moment sometimes I pull it up on my computer and look at it to remind myself that, yes, I really did test positive.
zelda- with moxette, I bled 2 days before I was "due", was convinced we weren't pregnant, etc. So, no "hat's pretty rare for me, and were it not for that negative test, I might even be excited. I will still be sad when my period starts, but a negative test on day 26 of a 28 day cycle is pretty certain, I say." its not certain! Keep up good thoughts, and go get Taking Charge anyway...its a phenomenol read that I WISH was taught in jr. high health class. Its just cool knowing how the body works.
Y'all are so sweet and full of encouraging words. :-) You're right, moxiegirl, it's not over until it's over.

I just notice I use y'all a lot. Sorry. I'm from TX. Don't judge me.

Well...just sitting tight over here...julie, thanks for all the info on Taking Charge! I think I definitely will get that book because so many people love it. Sounds very interesting.

Can someone explain to me the basics of temping? Any tips and advice? I'm curious to try it.
Really glad to hear it Funnybird! Ovulation is such an elusive thing. They've shown that some people ovulate twice a month. I ovulated most months on day 11 or 12. So everyone is so different.

I was worried we'd hear it was a chemical pregnancy and is was left over HCG. I'm so glad that wasn't the case!

I had my first public crying scene today. Went to the community clinic to get a mole removed (my mom died of melanoma, so this is important to me). They made me wait 2.5 hours to see a doc and then she informed me she didn't have time to do the punch biopsy and to come back in two weeks.

When I'm very very angry I cry, and though I can usually hold it until I get to the car, this time I couldn't.

I was angry because I can't afford self-employed insurance (despite having what is considered a successful business and having advanced degrees). I was angry because I had missed precious hours from my short window of energy and productivity today and it means I'll have to work this evening and feel like crap again tomorrow. I was angry because even though I love my partner I am really jealous of him right now because he has a very low stress way of life and I've set mine up to be a non-stop succession of deadlines and challenges.

Nowhere to put these feelings, unfortunately.

PS-Zelda-I'm from Texas too and live there. Always expecting people to roll their eyes at me and look for my firearm.
How incredibly stressful for you, especially having lost a parent to melanoma. I'm sorry our healthcare system sucks so badly. I know it's no fix, but you can put those feelings right here with us.

zelda, I like "y'all" too. It's like "ustedes" or "vous" for English! Very useful and friendly, in my opinion. Of course, I'm originally from Missouri, so there's plenty of y'all-ing going on there.

Basics of temping - lemme see: Take your temperature first thing when you wake up, before sitting up even. Record your temperature every morning. Then chart your temperatures on a graph (the easy way to do this is to get a free account at Fertility and put in the data - forget trying to make your own graphs, it's a pain).

Everyone's normal temperatures are a bit different, but the usual trend for a normal ovulatory cycle is: somewhat erratic temperatures during your period, a more regular range of lower temperatures after your period but before ovulation, then a range of higher temperatures from ovulation to period. Your temp will usually drop right before your period (for me, it was usually the day before or the day of). If your temps stay high past your usual luteal phase length - might be time to break out the EPT.

Tips: The aforementioned Fertility Friend website is good for charting. You put in the data, they actually tell you when they think you ovulated (usually a couple days after it happens - they're looking for three days of high temps in a row). You can put in cervical fluid observations and other signs if you want as well. For thermometer, no need for anything fancy, but I like to use one that beeps when it's settled on my temperature and then saves the last 5 temperatures recorded in its memory. That way I can take my temp, put it back on the bedside table, and go back to sleep and actually write down the temperature later.

Sorry, didn't mean to write a book here! I'm sure others have some suggestions and tips as well...
Eyelet, I am so sorry about that! The healthcare system in the United States is criminal by any measure. I am so jealous of the British and Canadian BUSTies and their healthcare systems. Not that they do not have their problems, least you know you got it.

Julie, that info was awesome. Thanks! So I can just use a regular digital thermometer? I already have one that is digital and beeps.

If I try this, I am definitely using Fertility Friend. I suck at math and graphs.

So it sounds like the benefit of charting is that after a few months you are really sure when you ovulated. It doesn't tell you *when* you're going to ovulate, but that you did and when, right? So after charting, you can be sure you ovulated and then aim for that time in future months? Am I getting it?

It also sounds like it would make the two week wait less painful.

Does it matter that I get up at least once at night to pee? As long as I've been in bed for a while, it's okay?

Sorry for all the questions.
You're right, zelda - temping will help you confirm that you are ovulating and give you a sense of when you normally tend to ovulate, but it won't predict ovulation. That's why the Taking Charge book recommends that you use a combination of checking cervical fluid and temperatures (because the cervical fluid changes can give you clues as to when you might be getting ready to ovulate). To get pregnant, the recommendation is that you start having sex when your cervical fluid begins to get fertile and keep doin' it until you've confirmed (through temperature readings) that you ovulated. Oh, and temping will also help you know how long your luteal phase normally is. For most women, the time until ovulation varies, but the luteal phase usually stays the same length (12 days, or 14 days, or whatever). That's important for knowing when it might be time to test. Also helpful for knowing, if you're having trouble conceiving, what the cause might be without doing a whole lot of invasive tests.

To get an accurate temperature reading, generally you want to have been asleep for three hours straight before you take your temp. So if you normally get up at 4 a.m. to pee but actually get up for good at 6 a.m., I'd go ahead and take your temperature before you get up to pee. It's also best to try to take it at the same time every day if you can. Illness, drinking alcohol the night before, and getting very little sleep can affect your temperatures too.

Regular digital thermometer is probably fine - a lot of people like to buy a basal body thermometer because those usually show the temperature up to the hundredths of a degree...easier to see the trends, especially if your temperature rise tends to take the stair-step approach instead of shooting up at once.

Damn, wrote another book! Okay, I'll shut up now and give someone else a chance (and actually try to get a little work done before the day is over....)
Julie, you're the best! That info was so helpful. Thank you.

Cramping all morning this morning...gone now. No period but I have that weird feeling like it's starting and then I go to the bathroom and nothing (does that make sense?). Tomorrow is officially D Day. We shall see.
Funnybird, congratulations! It is really official now! Do you feel any different? Have you told any friends or family?

Zelda, I am crossing my fingers that this is your month. Any changes to how you're feeling now? I do think that temping is a great idea. I am wondering if maybe we have been missing my ovulation by having sex too early. It is already CD14 for me and I have few signs of ovulation and my temp is still low. I am hoping that temping will help us really nail our timing. Taking Charge really walks you through it. I also highly recommend the book. By the way, I hadn't even noticed your "y'all"s. Too funny that it is not only said that way, but written like it too! I like that. :-)

Eyelet, I am sorry about your mole and the insurance issue. That must be really tough. I am truly appreciative of our public health care system.

Maybe I should be happy that I don't have any real signs of impending ovulation. Maybe my ovaries will wait until I am reunited with "DH" before pushing out that egg. That would be nice!

Oh and Ananke, I'm glad to hear about your good news too. Must be a relief!
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