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moxie, are you the only one left, or am i missing someone?
nope, just lonely ole me. Someone else get knocked up, please?
Oh, but I'm still here, just not posting...

Went to the hospital twice on Monday because of contractions. They said I could stay for observation if I was really worried, but I decided to go home. At least I wasn't dilated at all, always something, huh? They're still coming every 3 minutes and I'm getting EXTREMELY sick of being preggers. But I want her to stay for a bit more. I'm 29 weeks on Friday.
QUOTE(anoushh @ Nov 2 2008, 11:33 PM) *
. Notbob slept in spurts of 20 minutes (daytime) and 45 minutes (nighttime.)

blink.gif holy crap anoushh, you deserve a medal!

this little one had very restless evenings, they were her crying time, and she just fed on and off until late. she is happier now but still does not seem to get tired in the evenings, she is wakeful and alert (and mostly very happy) until late. but the brilliant thing is that she goes to sleep around 2am and doesn't wake up till morning, then feeds and goes back off again to snooze some more. i was comparing her to all the other babies who nod off at 7pm and was vaguely worried that i was ballsing it up somehow, but then i realised, if she did, with that pattern, she would be waking up just when i am ready for bed! so i'm feeling very lucky with my little night owl, even if she hasn't read the charts on baby sleep patterns!

speaking of books, i may be alone in this, moxie's post reminded me - i really hate all the parenting 'philosophies' and the AP jargon. i have no probs with the things that AP advocates, i like slings, i like sleeping close to her, blah blah, but i hate the way these so-called parenting gurus undermine my confidence in my own ability to parent. AP seems like a way to package what comes instinctively and then make you feel bad for not doing it quite right - like, i was so desperate to co-sleep because i thought i should, but she actually seemed much happier snuggled in her moses basket right next to me rather than marooned in our giant bed, and i was happier because i wasn't worried about smothering her in the duvet. and, every time i put her in the baby bouncer, i felt guilty for not holding her, despite the fact that she loved the bouncer and it calmed her down when nothing else would. OK so this may be partly because i haven't been very thorough in reading all the parenting books in the first place, but still, i've learned my lesson - no more books for me, they just make me neurotic!

good luck swedishchick
beck- try reading Dr. T. Berry Brazelton's "Touchpoints". He's a baby guru, certainly, but one who advocates for learning about your child, observing, listening, and then going with whatever works. Mostly, his book describes all the major developmental milestones, in age chronology, that kind of do a double whammy on kids... LOOK, I CAN SIT I don't sleep b/c all i'm doing is SITTING UP! and provides a whole lot of reassurance that all parents go through the same things, and we all make it through. Also, we LOVED "Baby 411", which gave all sorts of geuniely practical advice rooted in scientific knowledge... i.e. babies are totally, completely incapable of self soothing anytime before at least 4 mos why try teaching it? You'll just loose. Toddlers (as described in Toddler 411 and dr. brazelton) are totally chaotic creatures who can only calm a tantrum by let them.

I felt SO freaking guilty when I started working 4 day weeks and didn't take M out of daycare...but I remembered that she is a child who 100% thrives on routine, routine, routine, and to distrubt that for my own selfish enjoyment isn't good parenting. The parenting "philosophy" books, I choose to take what works, and totally dismiss what doesn't. M hated, and I mean HATED the following:

Slings or holders of any sort
being swaddled or under blankets of any sort (this still applies)

she LOVED the following:
Overnights at her grandparents (still does)
Going to daycare
her bouncy seat and later, exersaucer
movies- disney ones to be specific. She grasps them as visual stories

Yet, she still, at 2.5, really does NEED us in the middle of the night more often than not, and we "give in." I'm hoping, praying, that #2 likes being in the sling/carrier...i'm not sure how else to carry and play at the same time.

you sound like a mom who knows her child, and is going with "whatever works, DO".
I picked up a copy of baby 411 on moxie's recommendation and I quite like it. I particularly enjoy that the information is packaged in quick concise little bits that can be read between feeding, bouncing and soothing.

I guess I should have listened to the advice, read all you can before the baby because you won't have time later. Yet, i didn't really know what information I needed until I had the little one.

She's doing great now that she's on formula 100% and though I still get a little teary eyed when I dwell on it, i'm much happier now that i'm not trying force the boob onto her. her sleeping is pretty normal, sleeps about four hours than is up and ready to feed and or play....sometimes in the middle of the night.

She has so many little sounds that just crack me up. I wasn't expecting to hear all these little coos and grunts and the occasional siren scream. I mostly just look at her in amazement. That and cuddle.

kelly, i agree with what youre saying about the baby books being more meaningful now. at this point, i know what applies to me. i find myself getting out baby books i've already read, because now i'm looking for specific information. i looked for baby 411 when i was at target today- they didn't have it, so i'm going to pick it up at the bookstore.

as for sleeping and eating, emmet nurses every 2 hours. i usually feed him and get him down to sleep in the bassinet in our room around 11 pm. after that, he wakes up every 2 or 3 hours for a diaper change and to nurse. in the morning, around 7 or so when my bf goes to work, i'll put emmet in bed with me, and we get up around 9.

my mom was saying that he should be sleeping longer stretches at night, but the lactation consultant says this is just the way he is right now and not to worry about it.

good luck swedishchick!
yeah, they sleep when they sleep. So long as he's gaining weight and peeing, then he's getting enough food. Is useless to "change" their innate sleep patterns before 4-5 mos- the best you can hope for is recognitiion of day and night.
it's really helpful to come on here and see relaxed, common sense viewpoints about baby sleep. we went to a friend's place for dinner last night and the bean was an absolute angel - sleeping on their bed and just popping up once for a feed and a snooze in her daddy's arms - but their mum, who was also there, was banging on about getting her into a routine as soon as we could and hinting darkly at all the terrible things that would ensue if she didn't learn to go to bed at 7pm. i blame Gina Ford.

good luck with slings for no.2 moxie, they can be a godsend! and as we live on the 2nd floor, much easier just to pop her in a wrap than to carry the pram downstairs, unfold it etc, especially for a short trip to the shops. we have a kari-me, which is the same as a moby wrap. she mostly likes it but sometimes gets annoyed, perhaps because her arms are constrained? also tried a maya ring sling but she didn't like it much, and because she is so big, she cannot fit in horizontally anymore but doesn't have the head control yet for the other positions. oh, and i tried a maya wrap but it doesn't feel very supportive, maybe will be better once she has head control.

i realised the other day that our bed is a great place for us to play together, we now have lovely mornings on the bed looking at books and making noises at each other! much more comfortable than me lying on the wooden floor while she is on the play mat. don't know why i didn't think of it before!
ohhh, the bed as a play ground. soooo smart!

i love my moby wrap and baby loves it too. of course she's only three weeks as of today, so we will see if she grows into it.

how is the pregnancy Moxie? anything new to report? is the pregnancy similar to your first?
ok, see...this is why bust is cool... somehow, i had never, ever thought of bed as playground. For us, we'd likely use moxette's bed, as most of her toys are tyhere...but what a cool-ass way of having family time!

Pregnancy is, well, pregnancy. Easier than my first, in that I don't ahve most of the issues I had with moxette (thyroid, bleeding, etc.), but harder in that this kidlet is WAY more violent than moxette was. So, all taken in, pretty equal, but different...just as I suspect paretnignt two kids will be.

Befgore my laptop goes kaput, one quick word on the sleep thing... although we didn't expect "results," per se, we started a religious bedtime routine by 8 weeks old...even if she didn't sleep for another hour, we set up the framework for when we could start teaching good sleep habits. I suspect, as soon as I'm more mobile, we'll start regular bath times, etc. fairly quickly with no. 2.
just wanted to post this link, i wish i had read it sooner!

we will definitely be getting into more of a night time routine now that the fussy evenings seem to have passed.

another reason why bust is cool: always someone there who has been through the same thing and can reassure you! i have to say, i don't know how i would have got through TTC and pregnancy without you guys!

fussy evenings
I just experienced my first all out fussy baby day. Up to now she's been really good, crying when hungry and that's about it. Yesterday, i could not put her down for one minute without her crying and sometimes she would just kick and squeek when I was holding her.

The moby wrap was a god send. it was the one place she would mellow out.

She's been doing this thing the last couple of days where she is pooping every other day. yesterday was a no poop day. i've read this can happen, i just worry that she is uncomfortable.

I suppose I need to make tracks over to the hip mama thread, but I like it here.
QUOTE(moxiegirl @ Nov 5 2008, 05:25 AM) *
nope, just lonely ole me. Someone else get knocked up, please?

Perhaps I heard your calling. I'm 12 weeks today. This is my first baby. I'm hoping my morning sickness ends soon so that I can actually start enjoying my pregnancy. I've gone from the party girl who never sleeps to the recluse who pukes in pubic.

I'm still willing to try ANYTHING to cure this sickness. I'll take all of your advice please!
I hope to be joining you soon. 12 days ago I abandoned alcohol, sushi, soft cheese and contraception for folic acid, Miriam Stoppard and lots of "early nights". I know that there's a pretty small chance of getting knocked-up in the first month of trying, but already I'm managing to convince myself that the sore breasts and interludes of faint nausea I'm experiencing mean something.
When can I realistically expect to feel genuine symptoms?
(It feels good to talk/ type about it; nobody knows we're trying except me and the boy).
if i were you i would be pregnant already. seriously, you can't even wave that thing my way without knocking me up. everyone is different though so you'll just have to wait and see. best of luck to you!

oh, and i feel it and show it right away too. bigger chestal area in the first few weeks and i get belly bloat so i look 4-5 months when i am barely even 1. it's so silly, i know it's just water weight but both times i've been thrilled with the bulge. hee hee.

~~~ baby vibes your way! ~~~
Charm school, Motherhood Maternity sells Preggi Pops that work wonders on Morning sickness!

Funny bird, some people can get a positive pg test 10 days past ovulation, so if you are 12 days out, you could try a First Response test.

*resumes lurking for the moment*
Charm, if you are 12 weeks the odds are you will start feeling better very soon. that's the classic time it starts to lift.

I had terrible nausea in my pregnancy, but for me lemon worked. Lemon squash (which is a kind of fruit juice concentrate that is popular in the UK and you dilute it to taste) worked for me as long as it was the natural kind that had actual lemon in it. Well, it made me feel slightly less awful. Lemon essential oil also helped a bit. But it's more time than anything.

Beck, thank you. At the time I just thought I was a bad parent.

Also, I think AP is great, but to me part of AP is respecting your child's temperament. It's hard to write books that reflect this, because then you don't have it all wrapped up in a neat little paragraph or chapter. Books of any philosophy tend to make you feel like crap if your kid isn't "one size fits all."

I was all for slings, etc, too, but not only did notbob grow huge, fast, but after a very few weeks (when he loved them) he was far too wiggly to want to be in one. So we didn't use them after that.)

Mary Rothbart has done a lot of work on temperament, and I hope this information gets spread around more.

Oh, and as for Gina Ford-- mad.gif mad.gif
Good luck funnybird! It might take some time to get preggers, but then again, it might happen straight away... I didn't think I'd get knocked up straight away, but the same day I was expecting my period I was there, in the bathroom, with my test... smile.gif Everything less than a year is considered "normal", so...

And charmschool, it DOES get better after 12 weeks, for most of us!
charmschool how bad is your morning sickness?
i had such horrible morning sickness from about three weeks in to my fourth month i had to have an i.v. put in. i could barely keep anything down. about mid fourth month it went away and i could enjoy life again.
ooh another london bustie!

my first symptom was feeling faint and short of breath, about four days before my period was due. i had walked from my office in westminster, to regent street, not enough to break a sweat, and i had to go and sit down! good luck!
My period isn't due for at least another week (my cycle is usually longer than 28 days, unless I'm going on holiday or something, then it turns up inconveniently early), but I was reading today that it is possible to symptoms to start just a few days after conception. So just maybe...

I was trying to explain to the boy what a strange state of being I feel I'm in at the moment. I feel very attuned to what's happening in my body as I'm looking for any sign of change, yet I feel strangely detached, because all the giving-up on things I like (alcohol, coffee etc.) and trying eat as healthily as possible makes me feel as if my body is more like a vessel that I'm preparing for another person. Which hopefully I am of course, but it does feel a little odd. Anyway, I'm not sure he understood.

Charmschool, I've heard that ginger is good for nausea, and lemon squash, or lemon flavoured water has always helped me when I've been nauseous for nun-baby related reasons.
I was lucky that my morning sickness only lasted a couple weeks with each pregnancy (weeks 8-10 in both), but ice water with LOTS of lemon certainly helped calm things down. As did apples...the more tart, the better. I HATE ginger, but again, found that lemon-lime soda (sprite, etc.) was good, too.
i second moxie on the tart foods helping morning sickness.
my favorite things for that were lemonade, anything fizzy like ginger ale, and hard candies.

i thought it would take me forever to get pregnant, and it happened on the second month we tried. good luck!
Oh, on eta for pregnancy:

Moxette: 6 mos including the WINNER month
no 2: 5 mos including the WINNER month... although I'm pretty damn sure we conceived and i miscarried VERY early on a couple months before the WINNER month.
I had my IUD removed in August. We were were pregnant by October, but had a MC in November Was told not to try for a month and then hurt my knee in December which meant we couldn't try until end of Jan. Luckily we were pregnant right away. The boy always seemed to know when it worked! All in all it took 5 months....and I don't know how many pregnancy tests.
same story as Kelly for me, knocked up on 2nd month of trying but m/c, pregnant again on second try

my tip: buy cheap pregnancy tests from Amazon, saves a fortune! you can get ovulation and pg tests super cheap
charmschool--I'm nearly 11 weeks and had horrible morning sickness from week 6 to week 10. I have worn acupressure bands on my wrists the whole time and I really do think they help. I wanted not to eat at all, but I finally learned that frequent small amounts of really bland food (like packaged peanut butter crackers or bananas) made it less miserable. It also helped to drink lots of water, though not at the same time as the food. I found the pre-natal supplements made things worse so I've temporarily dropped all but the folic acid which I take just before going to bed. Right now, life is bearable and my nausea is only a 3 on a scale of 1-10, whereas a week ago it was 10 out of 10. I'll always remember having to watch the otherwise joyful election returns while hugging the toilet.

Am looking to chat with other pregnant people. Anyone out there over 40 like me? 42 and got knocked up on the first try, which blew my mind. This is my first and I am completely a deer caught in the headlights.
Congrats to all busties!! The deer in the headlights thing... it doesn't go away. ever.
I was 40 when notbob was born (almost midpoint b/w 40 and 41). It took us 2.5 years of trying, but the first cycle after we got the mister's visa letter from the US embassy so we could move to the US (back to my home) I got pregnant. No coincidence, I think.

I'm with moxie on the deer in headlights thing. In fact, it was worse right after notbob was born.

he's a lovely boy, though, if very dynamic...
Nice to hear of another 40+ mom. So far I think the only disadvantage is that I have less stamina than I used to, but other than being wiped out, everything is going along pretty predictably.

We conceived while visiting my mister's family in England, so apparently for me distance from home was a good thing. Around the time of conception, we made a spontaneous stop at one of those pagan sites out on someone's farmland (a carved stone ring that is supposed to promote fertility and/or cure rickets.) I climbed through it, mud puddles and all, laughing hysterically. We figure it will make a good story for the kid. That and the fact that its conception heralded the start of the global financial meltdown.

I'm feeling less panicked now that I'm not so sick. I got to hear the heartbeat and began to feel more protective and less invaded.

Oh, and the sex drive has kicked back in so at least I can have one opiate to take the edge off the stress.
hey eyelet,
I just gave birth to my first child back in October at the age of 40. For the most part I think it was the perfect time in life for this to happen. I spent my youth doing anything and everything I wanted to do, then settled down to establish a career. When I finally met a man I wanted to shack up with I was amazed that I also wanted to have a child with him.

Now days, I'm more interested at doing things at home and with friends than wild night life, so the baby fits in perfectly.

My only issue with the age is that I feel it contributed to the fact that I needed a C-section. But heck, that's not such a big deal. And we did do the amnio testing because of my age.

You are going to love it! Good Luck.
hi kelly. I think once I plug into the mommy community a bit, I'll find there are plenty of people that are at least in their late 30's when they're getting started. I've been in a bit of a social limbo for the last couple of years because all of the friends with my same disposition had started families. Now perhaps we'll have more opportunities to spend time together.

The midwives are telling me that their older moms have no differences statistically in the incidence of problems. They seem to think the bigger issue in terms of ease of birth is being a first-time mom. Can't do anything to change that, so I'll just try to be healthy and hope for the best.

I'll be having CVS next week, which to many seems extreme, but I don't want to wait another 4 weeks for the amnio. For the me, the ability to be informed earlier is worth the risk.

My other quirk is that I'm neither married, nor even living with my partner. We will eventually find a place to share but it probably won't be until well after the baby is born (we live just a mile apart, but in tiny places that we don't want to sell during this downturn). I'm amazed at how strongly people seem to be reacting to this. Many people I thought were very progressive seem to have a problem with it.

You just never know what will happen. I was worried about a prolonged labor due to my age, etc. Instead I had such a fast labor that I was like "what the hell just happened?!" And contrary to what people think, a fast labor isn't great, especially for a first.

So just take good care of yourself and be prepared to be flexible. Lots of people have babies 40 and over. I didn't do the amnio, but did the other screening.

Midwives tend to panic less about things than doctors. They are trained to view birth as an inherently normal experience, whereas doctors look at everything in terms of pathology. I tend to prefer the midwives for this and other reasons, and it sounds like you have good ones.

(I know there are also GREAT doctors out there, and not so great midwives, and that this is a huge generalization.)
kelly- i've seen your pictures, you totally don't look a day over 25.

eyelet- i have a one month old. when i got pregnant, i wasn't living with his father, either, and we were both in the middle of divorcing other people. some people (coworkers, family) treated me like i was doing something sooo controversial. one comment that really hurt was when someone said i would be a single parent- i felt like they were saying that my bf wouldn't support me because we didn't live together. he was always very supportive, even from far distances, and we live together now.

i do think it helps to have your partner there, though. especially near the end when you need help getting off the couch and need someone to rub your feet! smile.gif
pinkmartyr-I think that's what it is--people are making the assumption that not living together means we're not truly together, but so far he has been there when I needed him and I haven't felt on my own at all in this process. (Other than just that cosmic aloneness that comes when contemplating the fact that you've made the biggest decision of your whole life.) smile.gif

So I guess I'm not all in the minority here with the age thing from the sound of it.
eyelet, I have a couple of friends who have been together for years and years, have two little boys and have never lived together. They raise a few eyebrows, but they're perfectly happy and know what works for them.

Bustie mamas and mamas-to-be, I have a question. When did y'all take the test? On the day that your period was due? Or did you wait until you were officially 'late'? Did anyone take a 'first response'/ early test? I'm on day 28 of my cycle. I'm trying my best to wait until Saturday to test (if nothing has happened by then) because as I mentioned my cycle is usually longer then 28 days, but then a part of me is just so desperate to know! I feel like there's a little cartoon devil on my shoulder telling me not to wait, to test asap. At least if I'm not knocked-up then I can have a drink and dye my hair! I'm so impatient. How am I ever going to last nine months?
funny- dye your hair anyway! And, have the drink BEFORE you test... i made that mistake and felt like i really missed a glass of wine the whole pregnancy with my first. smile.gif

I waited until the day after, with both positive tests, fwiw.
funnybird--I got a clear positive on First Response 2 days before my period was due. But even a negative wouldn't have been conclusive. If you don't mind spending the money on the test, I'd say it's worth a try. I had my last beer right before I did it (plausible deniability). smile.gif

And thanks for the info about that couple. It's good to hear of different models for doing this, because I think good relationships sometimes suffer from trying to conform to what other people expect.


I saw an ad in a sidebar for this movie on another site, and I thought y'all would be interested.

~*~*~happy pregnancy vibes to all~*~*~*

Christine Nectarine
if there are any 2 subjects that will always bring out people's "traditional" side, it's marriage and havin' babies. i remember being surprised by this too. kiddo's daddy and me were not together during my pregnancy and when she was born - we became a "couple" when she was about a year old, and then spent another 10 months living apart. it's what worked for us. we still get pressure from various people to get married though.

it's terrible that there is so much stigma around raising babies in "non-traditional" family models. if you are single, a mom or sister or someone else you love can help you off the couch just as well as any husband!
good luck to all you new mamas and mamas-to-be!
We too are "non-traditional", though by looking at this board one might think it is the married opposite sex couples that are not normal!

Not married, but live together.

I always talk about how I started testing 5 days before my period and then almost every day for two weeks after I got the positive so I could see if the line kept getting darker. The boy had to hide the tests (if you buy them online they are WAY cheaper, less than one dollar each).

The first three weeks of pregnancy are very forgiving since the embryo isn't yet connected to the mother and so aren't yet directly impacted by what she is consuming. Though getting blotto isn't ever recommended.

I had a fairly relaxed attitude about my pregnancy and would have a glass of wine when special occasions (my 40th bday) would arise. I remember having the discussion on this board long ago that American doc's don't seem to think that women can understand the concept of moderation, so EVERYTHING is off limits.

And if I can give my own unsolicited advice, you don't really need to read a "pregnancy" book. As long as you aren't shooting heroine, are eating reasonably well and staying active, there isn't much more you can do. The pregnancy either will or won't work out.

Time is better spent on learning about the baby once it is born....i say now, not having done much of that at all.

Sticky vibes to all.
Wow, I feel like I'm part of an important societal shift with this two-home parenting thing!

Charmschool-have you gotten past the morning sickness yet? Hope so.
all i have to add is fucking BH contractions. Fuckers.
Well, I'm not pregnant. My period started before I even got round to testing. On the plus side I'm currently sipping a large glass of wine, and by tomorrow my hair will be a respendent shade of 'Bitter Chocolate' rather than an unlovely, washed-out reddy-brown. I have seven days of decadence before starting all over again.

Is it okay if I still lurk/ post, even if my uterus remains uninhabited?

Moxie, how far along are you? How many more weeks of the fuckers will you have to endure?
funnybird- eat, drink, color and be merry! Honestly, in both attempts at pregnacy, I took the tactic that "until I KNOW I'm pregnant, all reasonable and moderate activity is cool." DOn't stress too much over the weeks TTC, b/c it can easily become obsessive well before obsession is called for. We really enjoyed the totally carefree attitude towards sex, honestly...we definitly wanted a child each time, but figured, this is one of the few times where it genuinly doesn't matter one way or the other...and it was a totally freeing attitude.

I'm almost 29 weeks. That means, more or less, 10 weeks to go. B/c I had a c-section with my older daughter, I'll have another with this one somewhere around 39 weeks...I had the option of a VBAC, but I opted to go surgical this time around. I had very similar BH contractions with moxette, and they got strong and "regular" enough a couple times (34 and 37 weeks) to send me to hosp in false alarms. Having gone through real labor though, i know enough now to know they just suck and not to worry past that. Yesterday was a rough, i plan a big day of doing nuffin besides games and movies with my kid.

We're on baby watch for my SIL right now, who is due any day. I'll tell you, waiting for someone ELSE's baby is actually more nervewracking than waiting for my own.
Hello all-
I just had chorionic villus sampling. Not pleasant, but fortunately brief. Got the first look at the kid too. That was mind-blowing. It sure moves around a lot. I'll get test results in about 10 days.

I have to report from the from the front lines of living un-insured, if you're ever going into a procedure like this, when you ask what the bill will be, also ask for any charges that will come from outside labs. We were stuck with an additional $1000 charge that we weren't anticipating. I do have a health policy but it doesn't include maternity. (In my state there is no self-employed insurance for maternity or I would have gotten it before conceiving.)

Feeling pretty crampy and planning on lying here on the couch the rest of the evening.
QUOTE(eyelet @ Nov 25 2008, 04:28 PM) *
(In my state there is no self-employed insurance for maternity or I would have gotten it before conceiving.)

fuming a bit at the idea that you can't get maternity insurance.

good luck with the test results and I hope you feel better after a nights rest.
Got the CVS results back. All is well. We also went ahead and found out it's a girl, which we're pleased about. I'm 14 weeks today and can vouch for the fact that second trimester can take away the queasiness and restore energy. I feel almost normal.

Since I'm not insured, the in-laws are campaigning for us to come to England to have the baby. I'm open to the idea, but still weighing my options. Hope pregnancies and trying-to-conceive are going well for all.
moxie and eyelet, hope you are feeling good!

funnybird, good luck ttc this month.

my bff just called, she's two weeks from her due date. 2cm dilated, 0 station, and 50% effaced! baby is just around the corner for her. they are naming him eisen.
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