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Almost forgot again--congratulations, kelly!
thanks for the responses! i feel much better about yesterday...still feeling kind of bleh - but i think it could be the weather here, too. and thanks for posting that article, falljackets!

i keep having to remind myself that i cannot live in a bubble and that stress is a normal part of life and for 9 months, it can't totally be removed from my life. and no matter what i do to try and avoid it - situations like yesterday happen.

and btw, i can't remember if i have mentioned this before - i know i've thought it lots - but i also use another pregnancy board and this one is by far (waaaay far) the best - the conversations, the thoughts - everything. smile.gif
so, not knocked up. Just random early period...which is WEIRD, but I'll deal. It really just means LOTS more "freebie" sex! PLus, we have a wedding the first week in May, which I can now enjoy with the aid of booze. AND, in my fantasy world where I get preggo this month, if that were to happen, the bebe would be due on my birthday. That's pretty cool. My mom, cousin, grandma and me all have b-days within 2 weeks of each other. I'd love to have a child in that same time.

Okely dokely...lover...its totally, completly normal to have anxiety during pregnancy. Preggo hormones do a wack-job on ALL other hormones (including stress-related ones) during pregnancy and afterwards. If you're having full blown panic attacks often, though, tell your doc at your next appt.
thanks blanche. My doc still thinks its a 50-50 thing, based on what i described. He wants me to "double" track both a new cycle AND this "current" one and test on day 35. Seems silly to me, but if its what the doc recommends, I'll do it. regardless, we have so much fun trying, that i'm really not too disappointed! We will add to our family eventually. Today, though, my kidlet was so nice to spend time with, that I just loved HER.

Oh, and the hands thing is totally normal. Lots more blood flowing everywhere...some places with really small vessels can get swollen.
hello lovely ladies!

moxie - sorry to hear you're not knocked up, but at least you're having fun trying! and that is so cool that the women (assuming your cousin is a woman, too) all share birthdays around the same time!

i have another question for you all. how are you sleeping? i'm in my fifth month (seriously, where did the time go?) and since the beginning of this pregnancy, i have not been sleeping on my belly at all (first it was sore boobs, and then bigger belly). so, most of my nights i have been on my back. in the last month or so, i have been placing a pillow under my right hip, but that's at the best of times - usually it somehow squimishes out and i wake up flat on my back (i also put a pillow under my knees). i rarely sleep on my left side, but when i get tired of being on my back, i will turn over to the left.

now, i know the reasoning for propping up my right side - the whole vena cava blood return thing. and i know that can cause me to feel light headed, etc, if there is pressure placed on that vein. does anyone know if it can harm the bebe at all? i keep forgetting to ask my doctor this (who, btw, has never recommended any certain sleeping position) and will write it down for my next appt.

i'm just curious more than anything. and if anyone has any great comfy sleeping positions they'd like to share! i know i've heard women saying they like sleeping sitting up in a semi-reclined position.

sleep? dunno what you're talking about. wait . . . i seem to have a faint recollection of something called sleep.

i have no tips.

oh, yeah, it is all the women in my mom's family for like 4 generations. I'm not exaggerating...all the daughters of daughters are either capricorns or aries...makes for interesting family dynamics! I "knew" i was having a girl as soon as I saw my due date with moxette. Silly, but its as reliable as anything a predictor!

I used a body pillow from like week 10 on...made sleep WONDERFUL. Just got the cheap one from bed, bath beyond. used it for a LONG time after moxette was born, too...helped support my abs after the c-section.

I told my mom what's going on, and her response was: "Didn't you bleed just like this with moxette for 2 weeks?" Good point. Same point as doc made. I still drank wine tonight. Until I can confirm it, I'm in "not preggo" mode.
loverufus, all my books said left side was best (something about the best position for draining toxins or something??), i used to sleep on my right or my belly but managed to train myself to the left - i find sleeping with a pillow between the legs helps a lot. my book also said not to spend too long on my back (hehe) after about 20 weeks, because of the blood flow. my doc never said anything, but then i've not exactly had much advice from the doc, they seem pretty hands-off as long as you're not drinking or smoking.

oh, and an extra pillow under my head, for the heartburn.
Hey everyone.

I think the best sleep advice is pillows of all shapes and sizes. Prop up the part thats bugging you. I sleep on the right with a pillow between the knees and another in front (like a body pillow) for support. Other times I just throw my legs over the boy to get some lower back relief...he doesn't seem to mind.

For some reason I've decided I'm not pregnant anymore. The symptoms are diminished and I'm totally freaking out. I've heard others have experienced this. I'm trying not to panic. I know it's likely I am being hormonal. But I just can't shake the feeling that everything is too normal for me to be preggers. I'm still tired all the time. But I don't feel as much boob pain and little to no nausea. I'm over thinking this aren't I.
kelly, how far along are you? i think it's normal to feel "not pregnant" at certain times. i didn't experience much morning sickness and when the fatigue of the first trimester started to lift, there were days i didn't feel any symptoms and kind of had moments of forgetting i'm pregnant. and boob pain comes and goes with me - at first it was a constant, then it decreased and now it seems to come and go.

i think baby's going through a little growth spurt...maybe that's why i'm so tired lately? i've been quite lazy today...

thanks for the input on the sleeping. i'm trying to stay on the left side, but it's just not possible throughout the night. and my husband reminded me that i did actually ask my doctor (he comes to most appts with me) and she said which ever way is comfortable is fine. i have vague recollections of memory is mud lately!

kelly, i've felt the same way in the past. once i asked my doctor if it was normal for pregnancy symptoms (like breast tenderness and nausea) to come and go. she said it was totally normal. i remember being at the store, feeling like i should buy another pregnancy test, to make sure i was still pregnant. its just so very hard to believe in the early stages, and even now that i'm 14 weeks, sometimes i get concerned about how things are progressing. when is your next doctor visit? didn't you have a scan before, and see a heartbeat? doesn't the risk go down some after that? you've made it this far. i don't have much experience (as this is my first!) but i think sometimes we just need to have more faith in our bodies.
Kelly, hell yes it's normal. The second trimester I felt no symptoms of being pregnant, basically, except my expanding belly. And later when the baby started moving, but I was at least 18 weeks before that happened.

It was actually nice as I'd felt SO sick the entire first trimester. Every single second from about 6.5-14 weeks.

But I know what you mean and I did have moments like that. Try not to worry.
kelly i felt the same way too, i only had occasional sickness, and the nausea only lasted a couple of weeks. my symptoms came and went. i posted on here for reassurance (a few pages back), then the next day i puked again - a nice reminder! i have to confess, before i got pg, i thought only really stupid people could possibly be pregnant without realising, but now i understand. if i didn't know i was pg, i could easily put my symptoms down to other things.

ETA: felt the first proper kick yesterday! I’d been feeling fluttery feelings (like someone blowing little bubbles) for a while but put it down to wind or something, because I thought it was too soon (the first time was around 13 weeks I think). But yesterday was a proper poke, a bit below my belly button. It was closer to the surface than if it was my belly rumbling or something like that.
i'm sorry your doctor isn't listening to YOUR wishes. she yelled at you for 30 pounds? good grief! i've gained nearly that much and i'm only at 27 weeks. i have a sweet doctor though. he won't yell. he just squeezes my leg and tells me to keep up the good work.

on sleeping: i went and bought a new body pillow today. we'll see . . .


i try not to be an alarmist, or believe everything i hear, but if there is any truth in this...
"organic" baby formula
i would feel so bad if this happened to any bustie babies (well, any baby, anywhere, but you know what i mean)

and blanche? unless there is a real medical reason to worry about your weight gain, screw the dr's. i gain 50+ pounds with my first 2, 40 with #3 and 35 with #4 (whom i was on bedrest for 12 weeks with. go figure.) as long as mom and baby are healthy, tell 'em to kiss your rosy preggo ass laugh.gif

*returning to lurker status now*
((blanche)) i do think doctors have a role to play in giving information and encouraging women to breastfeed, but your doc's attitude doesn't sound at all constructive or likely to encourage anyone who is in two minds about breastfeeding. And weight gain during pregnancy is not a useful indicator of anything. As far as I know, there's no good reason for docs to routinely check it. Back when my mum was pg with me, they were really strict and practically put her on a diet (btw she is very small and was probably only around 105lb prior to pg, and didn't gain more than about 25-30lb anyway) - she thinks that is why i was born early - because i was hungry!

Just had my first proper antenatal appointment, there was some protein in my pee sample, although less than at my 12 week appointment. The midwife thought it was either just one of those things, or possibly an infection. I have been peeing a lot (even by pg standards) so i wonder if it's a UTI brewing. I know I haven't always been drinking enough, especially in the evenings because i'm tired of getting up to pee. I guess i'll drink lots and hope it goes away. (They will check for UTIs, Strep B etc as well and follow up if anything is wrong). I really hope it's not Strep B though, as that might make it less likely I get a home birth - apparently most midwives won't do the IV antibiotics at home. Fingers crossed...any words of wisdom welcomed!
wow, maybe i'll start feeling movement in the next couple of weeks! i'll be 15 weeks on friday.

blanche, while the doctor can encourage you, she has to respect your choice. you are a responsible adult and can read facts and make your own decision. not all of our decisions have to be the same, and thats how we learn from one another. i'm sorry you had such a crappy time at the doctor's office.

on a side note, my bff from the last 15 years called me today and she is 5 weeks pregnant!!!
pink- that's awesome about your friend! My BFF and I were preggo at the same time, and it was nice to have the company! Now the kidlets are "best friends" at their daycare, and its really a joy to see them grow up together.

blanche- I'm not calling you out, understand that I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. I had alot of internalized guilt over my lack of desire to breastfeed, which I then got all defensive about. It made me WAY more sensitive to comments from "authority" figures than I ever would have been otherwise. while your doc certainly seemed dismissive, it may be that another paitent was on the mind, or running late, etc. Not a really good reason to be dismissive of the patient in front of you, granted, but it might have had nothing to do with the BF issue. In the hospital with moxette, when I determined that BF was not for me, the people I was terrified to tell were the nurses...but when I did, they were VERY supportive, citing mother's happiness and bonding via that as wonderful things.

All that being said, just take this as the first of THOUSANDS of peopl epassing little judgements on however you choose to parent the infant. Its not like a bigger kid where you're confidence is already established (and remember, you are ALREADY A GREAT MOM), and everything is seemingly WAY critical. Babies are pretty damed resiliant little creatures. I bottle fed, did daycare, choose to have a day to MYSELF during the workweek and let my toddler watch movies. She's still a funny, smart, highly energetic child who is surpassing herself in height/weight growth.

At the same time, have you examined why you don't want to breastfeed? Someone here did say that you only have a very limited window to try it.
blanche, i hope you don't mind me saying, but i don't think you need a "good stock answer" to give to people about not wanting to breastfeed. as long as you feel comfortable with your decision - and as everyone else has stated here already - it is *your* decision - that should be good enough. however, i can understand why you would feel it necessary to have that great answer - maybe to get people off your back? but it really isn't any of their business. but that's just my two cents.

fiddler - i hope the new pillow has helped with the sleeping!
can I just point out that there is an entire generation that did not get breast fed and are doing just fine. for heaven's sake, you'ld think the human race would cease to exists if women didn't breast feed.

was that a little harsh? sorry I'm feeling all ninja today.
Another weird dream. I had a baby boy, and he was kind of odd looking, not ugly, just like I didn't recognize him as my baby. He had three mouth corners instead of two (normal on the right side and two on the left of his mouth). I was trying to breast feed but he would only latch on for a second. Later I would forget to feed him, but he wouldn't cry to remind me.
Blanche, as someone who bottle fed out of necessity, not choice, I don't think bottle feeding is the "easy" that it's supposed to be. There's harder things and easier things about both choices, but bottle feeding means a hell of a lot more coordination and more work than breastfeeding. With breastfeeding it's ready all the time. No preparing, no washing, no worries about running out or it going bad if you make it up too soon, etc, or when/how can you make it up. Preparing a bottle in the middle of the night is a lot harder than just whipping out a boob. (It doesn't seem like much now, but it sure did to me when I was so incredibly sleep deprived.)

I always felt very vulnerable bottle feeding. My ability to feed my baby was dependant on someone else making safe formula, on me being able to access that formula, on clean water being available, etc, etc, etc.
I know others don't feel that way, but I sure did.

Not to say that there aren't challenges in breastfeeding, of course. I'm just saying from experience it was a lot more work.
So frankly I wouldn't count on that part as big plus. Also, it's very expensive.

You also might feel different when you have the baby. Even just colostrum is beneficial for the baby. I'd encourage you to give it a try, even if only for a very brief time, and if it's not for you, than you can easily change. If you don't breastfeed and then want to try, you can't easily do it in that order. At least make sure you have basic education and support available if you want to try it at the time. If you don't want to at the time, then no harm done with the preparation for the just in case.

I agree with mox about how easy it can be to project. Just something to be aware of. I sure did it about other things, esp right after the baby was born.

Also, your body won't be yours after your baby is born. Well, it might be, but your life won't be. You have some idea of that already, of course, having your other kid, but it's really astonishing just how incredibly demanding a newborn can be. You think you know, but I don't think you really can until it happens.

I have some sympathy for your doctors POV. Of course I can't--and don't want to--dismiss your feeling that she wasn't appropriate with you. But as a doctor she must get TONS of people who think that breastfeeding is gross, less healthy for the baby, shameful, and all the other stupid modern prejudices that we have about breastfeeding. She shouldn't take it out on you, but I have some sympathy for what that must be like to be up against day after day. (Ironic, as doctors were not very supportive of breastfeeding in recent decades.)

And mox is right. Someone will always disapprove of your parenting choices. It doesn't make you wrong. It can be trying, but you can learn to cope with it and it can be a good prompt to do what you need to do to develop more confidence in yourself as a parent.
blanche, i just realized that my post about the formula thing might have been misconstrued as being *aimed* at you, being as it came right after your post about not wanting to breastfeed. i just want to say that in no way was i trying to be rude or pointed about it, i just felt that it was something that i needed to put here. informed choices and all that. i only skimmed the last few posts before i put that up, so i apologize if i made you fel badly! that was not my intention!

to put my .02 in, i nursed all my kids, but the first 3 i nursed for just a few months each. we had a hard time getting the hang of it and i now know that my kids "issues" (autism) probably had a large part in the nursing troubles. so i formula fed after 3 or 4 months with them. my 4th kiddo, i nursed exclusively for 8 months, and weaned at 12 months. he never once had formula. i have no ideas about what changed, if it was him, me, a combination, whatever. i will say tho, along with a couple other posters here, it is much easier to try it for a few days or weeks adn then go to bottlefeeding, if that's better for you, than to try to re-lactate if you change your mind later! it can be done, but it is much harder.

anyone home??

(calls into the echoing abyss)

just got into an argument with a really obnoxious man on the bus - he thought the guy behind had pushed him (um, it's rush hour - some human contact is inevitable y'know), guy behind was deaf and didn't know why he was having a go at him, i told him to leave him alone, but he followed the guy up the stairs and starts shouting and hit him, and started yelling at me to mind my own business, then again when i got off the bus. told him if he was assaulting people on the bus it was everybody's business. phoned the police when i got off the bus.

i love how on a bus full of people it is the pregnant lady that has to get in a fight...since a guy got stabbed on a bus a year ago nobody ever challenges anything.

anyhow, taking deep breaths, had some cake and a cup of tea and came on here to calm down...hopefully the baby enjoyed the excitement!

(((Beck))) I can imagine why no one would want to step up. I think you're very brave.
Hello, I'm in the kitchen.

Way to go Beck. I think it's pretty normal for the pregnant woman to stand up for what is right, I think it's all those mama bear hormones. Of course we need to be careful, but I'm with you, I can't stand idly by while people are doing mean or inappropriate things to other people.

I had at a lady last week that broke parking etiquette at my local Trader Joe's. Not in the same ball park as your incident, but man did I let her have it.

So....attachment parenting....what do you all think. What I've read makes sense, but I have friends who expanded this parenting style to incorporate the family bed. Now at 2 years, they can't get their child to sleep in their own bead. I'm not sure I could handle that.

The idea of attachment parenting make sense, the baby is communicating and our responses either validate or invalidate the child's experience. I just wonder how that transitions into a schedule later in life when mom and dad are working. Must read more about it.
kelly---you've opened the proverbial can of worms! From my experience (and I hope the other mama's will agree), the best "attachment" is whatever ends up WORKING for your family. Some folks really thrive on a family bed, some really thrive on rigid schedules. 95% are somewhere in between. I'd take out three authors from library on different parenting styles: Dr. Sears (Attachment), Dr. Ferber (more scheduling...starting at 4-6 mos) and Dr. Brazelton (somewhere in between those two). For the moxiefam, it was Dr. Brazelton all the way. He's all about understanding a child's development and letting the child teach you about what she/he needs. We really trusted that moxette could teach us about her, and at the same time, that we were the ones responsible for setting and teaching limits. So far, that basic philosophy, going with whatever WORKS has made us three pretty darned happy. Sometimes, honestly, a kid needs to be invalidated...the world is about learning tolerance for one's self and others. Sometimes, the little barbarians are just nutters and need to be left to their own devices. Clearly, this doesn't apply to newborns as much as older infants and toddlers.

To strictly follow AP, i think it would be tremendously difficult once back at a not-at-home job. Hard to have skin-to-skin and gfeeding on demand at daycare.
mox, what is this board good for if not opening a can of worms?! wink.gif

I have dr. sears book, I will check out Brazelton, I have a feeling that somewhere in the middle is where I will end up to.

I'm looking forward to having a little barbarian running around the house. thanks for the reading tips.
thanks Dusty, i needed that - it kind of shook me up...ok now though and i felt the baby poking around in the bath later on so i guess he/she didn't mind one bit! kelly, i'm torn between 'mama bear' and keeping my head down and staying out of trouble for the baby's sake. smile.gif

it's funny, i have been so focused on having the baby, i haven't really given much thought to the part about what happens once its born! i think for us it will be a bit of trial and error, especially with co-sleeping vs seperate rooms - it sounds like night feeds are much less hassle if the baby is nearby but i can also imagine that hearing it snuffling next to me all night might keep me or the bf (who already suffers from insomnia) awake.

i guess i'll wait and see...anyone used those drop-side cots that go by the bed?
everyone has to do the things that work the best for them. there's no sense following someone else's path if it makes you miserable. how is that good for your baby?

i started putting little into his own bed around age 2 and sure it was hard but what part of parenting isn't? that's not what i use to determine what i'm going to do, if i chose only easy we'd be in trouble i think. it's hard to get him to eat peas, to brush his teeth, to remember to flush etc etc. everything is a challenge.
so he screamed his head off for two hours sometimes (with lots of comforting from me) before he'd actually go to sleep and then he'd get into my bed in the middle of the night anyhow. that was fine with me though, what i was really after was that couple of hours of solid sleep at the start of the night, uninterrupted by small feet kicking me. (he was a very screamy kid though, like all the time for the first two years and then a lot after that. it is probably much easier with a more even tempered child.)
after that little would often get into bed with me in the middle of the night or in the morning right up to age 5 and i seriously loved it. he was super quiet about it, i'd never even know he'd gotten in until i found his sweet sleeping self there in the morning. i miss our morning cuddles, he's too big boy to sit still for that nonsense now.
now i sleep with the baby, i can't imagine having to get up in the middle of the night to nurse her, much less get up out of bed and go into another room. to me that is absolutely crazy, i'm already very tired so the less running about i have to do the better.
i carried little and i carry this girl, in arms, in a front carrier or in the backpack. we sometimes use a stroller for grocery shopping but there is a lot of in-arms and lap time.
i never read any books about this stuff, only about the safety stats regarding co-sleeping and only then because other people have issues with it.
if i ever had a doubt this cleared it up for me; my friend's little boy is 2 years older than little and i remember when he was very small she woke up in the middle of the night, turned on the light and found him blue. she heard or felt or sensed something that woke her and she is pretty darn sure he'd be dead if he had been sleeping in another room. that was it for me, while my babies are that small and vulnerable they sleep right where i can keep the closest watch on them.

and hey Beck, i'm the same. can't sit still and just let that kind of stuff go on. where do people get off thinking that ANYTHING they do in public isn't everyone else's business? come on.
I've been thinking about the co-sleepers too. They seem like a nice medium, they are sort of in the bed, but keep baby safe and the rents aways from flying limbs.

i'm sure most of my parenting style with be derived from what works and what doesn't. It is, however, nice to read about various theories before hand. Watching my friends go through things makes me even more interested in the various methods out there.

Editing post: Had a very vivid armageddon dream last night, woke up middle of the night crying out for the boy. Couldn't shake the images. My mood today is very dour and sad....I'ld have to say this is the first time I've really felt "hormonal". Funny thing is that today is the day that everyone has decided to ask if I'm pregnant at work. Not that I look it, they just knew I was trying. Up to now, I haven't had to field any direct questions. The amnio is next thursday and then a week later for the results I guess. I would like to officially declare myself a mess. Thank you, thank you very much.
aaargh kelly i hate the insensitivity of people who ask - don't they get it that as soon as you are ready to tell, you will - and if you haven't yet, it's for a damn good reason! grrrrrrr!

the worst is when it's people WHO THEMSELVES have had babies and KNOW THE RISKS AND ISSUES!! how do they forget how it feels? does parenthood completely erase your memory???


sorry, couldn't help myself - that was the single worst thing about this pregnancy - the nosy friend who i had no desire to share my past difficulties with, she is still fishing, even now, to find out the reasons we didn't share with people early on, and why i was nervous for the first trimester (which i admitted to the other day).
beck - seriously? she's still fishing for reasons and wondering why you were nervous in the first trimester? gah - i totally agree with the insensitivity of people surrounding the whole "are you pregnant?" thing. when you're ready to share - you share - until then, i think it's a very personal matter.

okay - since the recent discussion is about sleeping - here's something that's been on my mind since even before i became pregnant. we have a cat who sleeps with us, but she mainly stays at our feet. i would love the little one to sleep in our room for the first little while (which my hubby is not so keen on, but that's another issue), but i worry about the cat jumping in beside her. also - if the baby is in her own room i worry about the cat jumping in, so the only solution i can come up with is shutting the door the baby's room at night to keep the cat out. having all three of us in our room and shutting the cat out is not an option (our cat is a talker and we would hear her all night - plus, i don't want to do that to her). does all that make sense? do any of you momma's have cats and how do you deal with this issue?

got the results of the ultrasound today - have low lying placenta. fingers crossed that it moves up!
how far along are you lover? low placenta is common, they usually do move up.

as for the cat, you can put a crib in your room and keep a cover over it. the bars are too close together for kitty to squeeze in and the cover only goes over the top so air flow is still fine.

beck, are you sure that person is really your friend?
i'm almost 23 weeks! (i still can't believe how fast the time is going by). yeah, the doctor wasn't too worried about the low lying placenta and she said it usually does move up. i get to go back for another ultrasound at around 30 - 32 weeks to see where it's at. if it's moved, great, if not, then we'll deal with it and do whatever needs to be done to ensure baby is safe.

so - the cover on the baby's crib sounds like a good idea. i think i'll do some searching more into that.
i had LLP with moxette...totally moved away (not up, more lateral) during 3rd trimester. Wasn't covering the cervix in any case.
We have 2 very sleepy-time cuddly cats. The frist couple weeks, one or the other of us crashed on our couch with moxette in her bouncy-chair next to us. After that, we tried a couple nights with her in the pack/play in our room, which the cats never bothered even looking in. She was TOO LOUD for us, though, so into her own crib she went. With a good monitor and sweet music and a nighlight, she and we were fine. When needed, she crashes in bed with us, but we didn't even start that until after 1 yr old. Blankets and pillows scared the crap out of me. Before then, if she needed to sleep with one of us, it was the sofa.

eta: those covers are called "crib tents" if you're googling it.
even if you put baby into a separate room i still think a cover is a good idea for the first few months (until baby can get at it, by then they are rolly and can get away from kitty anyhow) 'cause cats are sneaky little buggers. how many times have i found one of them locked in the bath or bedroom after i've left and didn't notice one of them had gone in after me? so many times. they are dirty little rat bastards those cats, like ninjas. little rats.

on the co-sleeping thing, rather than a bedside cot, i'm now thinking about one of these so the baby can go in between us, as our bed doesn't seem ideal for putting the baby in (high up, not against a wall, and the head of the bed is not solid and i think the baby could get wedged in).

i have also inherited a crib so may end up using that, who knows. i just like the idea of popping the boob in without having to get out of bed, especially in winter!

laughing about pepper's ninja cats! laugh.gif


They have those snuggle nest beds at local stores. I bought one for my sister for $15 at our Target. I have seen them at so many other stores as well. Hope everyone is having healthy and happy pregnancies!
beck, we used something very similar to that when 'roo was first born. i think he grew too big for it by the end of the first month or two but by then, we'd become so accustomed to having him in our bed that we didn't feel that we needed anything anymore anyway. we had a cradle next to the bed and would sometimes plop him in there when he fell asleep before us. at about four months, we started putting him to bed in his crib in his own room across the hall from ours when he first went to sleep. we still do that and then when he wakes up (anywhere from four to ten hours later) we just bring him to our bed until it's time to get up. it definitely made nursing a lot easier in the first few months to have him in our bed, and it's still much more comfortable for me to bring him back to our bed to nurse him when he wakes up in the mornings. we actually were talking last night that maybe we should make him stay in his bed longer (for example, when he wakes up at 2am rather than 5am) but for us, it's not that big of a deal. in fact, we both really LIKE having him there with us. (it was sort of funny when we talked about this because we both felt like we SHOULD want him out of our bed, but it just feels natural for us to have him closer). like pepper said, we get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep (or sexytime, hehe) and then we have afamily bed for the rest of the night. that's what works for us.

as far as the cats are concerned, we have one that used to sleep at our feet every night but she wasn't interested in the least when jackaroo first came along. plus, we were so hyper-aware for the first several weeks that even when she would jump up and look at him from three feet away, we always knew it. she has gradually warmed up to him. he's nine months now and scoots over to her and she just lays there and takes his "abuse". so really, i would watch for the first couple of months but it really depends on your kitties. of course, if you have any question, err on the side of caution!!

ok, 'roo is very interested in my plants today. must be off to chase him. again.
oh cool, thanks fj. the starting in the crib might work well for us too - my poor insomniac bf has real trouble getting off to sleep (although he has managed to quit the sleeping pills he'd been on for awhile), but once he's asleep, nothing will wake him. (don't get me wrong, the bf will have to adjust and take his fair share of the work too, but i want to make it as easy for us all as possible, especially as he's the one that will have to hold it together at work).
I'm so busy at work I havent been able to comment, but wanted to say briefly that I agree with mox about parenting styles (though I'm never in favor of too rigid--which is different than being consistent and having structure.)

Also, just like with any parenting style, a fair number of people seem to use AP philosophy as an excuse for bad parenting. It is NOT doing whatever the kid wants to do. It's about respecting the kids needs and taking them seriously. In part it's a reaction against the type of parenting philosophy that said "don't pick up the baby too much or you'll spoil him/her" or "don't let that infant manipulate you." WTF? That's nonsense, and evil nonsense at that. (And I think it often came from "experts" and in laws, and was very, very hard on the parents who only followed the advice b/c they wanted to do what they were told was best for the kid, but in reality desperately wanted to respond.)

There is no strict formula for AP or any other parenting style either. They are guidelines, philosophies, etc.
I didn't breastfeed for reasons I mentioned before, but if I'd been in mox's shoes and decided I just couldn't handle breastfeeding (which may well have happened to me if I'd physically been able to--who knows) I could still follow AP style. You can bottle feed with attention and love, just like you can breastfeed with disinterest and hostility.

I planned on doing more babywearing, but notbob had other ideas. Other than in the first few weeks, when a fleece pouch saved my life, he soon decided he didnt' want to be in a carrier/sling/etc. It was too restricting for him.

You get the idea.

As for sleeping, our situation is pretty much like FJ.

And our cats decided they weren't that interested in the competition, so have either decided to sleep elsewhere or sometimes sleep on the foot of the bed. Millie briefly decided she had to guard the baby for a night or two, but other than that, she's indifferent.

Sleeping depends a lot on the kids temperment too. I know someone who finds that her kid sleeps less well when he sleeps with them b/c he gets excited and wants to get up and play. Notbob is the opposite, really, and sleeps much better with us after a few hours on his own. He finds it very hard to wind down, though, and always has, and so, relatively speaking, needs a lot of nighttime parenting.

I too struggled with the idea that he "should" sleep on his own at first--way more than I expected to as I have no theoretical problem with cosleeping, esp at the beginning. It was weird how strong it was, and how I'd internalized something from society so strongly even when I didn't believe in it.

Also, Beck, I guarantee you that your BF is vastly underestimating the amount of time you will be up and down the first few weeks. Honestly, I'd be prepared with someplace that the baby can sleep near or with you. Tiny babies are still adapting to being outside the womb and need a lot of comfort and reassurance, not to mention their tiny stomachs! You can always move to a crib later if it works for you, but much better to be prepared to make changes on short notice when you have a very little one.

I hope this makes sense. I have to get back to work now so don't have time to proof read.

Hope everyone is well.
QUOTE(anoushh @ Apr 24 2008, 12:44 AM) *
Also, Beck, I guarantee you that your BF is vastly underestimating the amount of time you will be up and down the first few weeks. Honestly, I'd be prepared with someplace that the baby can sleep near or with you. Tiny babies are still adapting to being outside the womb and need a lot of comfort and reassurance, not to mention their tiny stomachs! You can always move to a crib later if it works for you, but much better to be prepared to make changes on short notice when you have a very little one.

yeah i didn't mean i'd start with the crib, the baby will be in with us at the beginning either in or next to the bed - i was thinking more when it's older but still needing night feeds, maybe around 4 months like fj was saying.
That sounds like a good plan. I think you have to be prepared to be pretty flexible and just see what works for your particular kid and your particular life. We had an Arm's Rest cosleeper and it was great. We used it more as a tiny crib next to the bed, but it was great to have for that, too.

Also, I'm sorry if my reply came off as rude, or brusque. I really didn't mean it that way at all, but in looking at it this morning it kind of seems that way to me. That's what I get for posting when I'm in such a rush. So again, sorry if it came off badly.

I also meant to say that I'm sorry you had such a rotten experience on the bus. I know the case of the man murdered on the bus you are talking about and yes, that was quite scary.

I think you are right about the pregnancy hormones. I'm that kind of person to begin with and I felt both more protective of myself and more protective of others who seemed vulnerable when I was pregnant. And I don't think it's just hormones. I think it's also your brain starting to reset itself for the demands of parenting and for that new relationship. Which is a good thing.
hey anoushh, you didn't come off as rude at all. actually, i was thinking of you with the bus thing - mulling over why English people find it so hard to be assertive, that we usually either go the passive-aggressive route, or get just plain aggressive - I meant to ask you if you had found that too when you were here - am i just generalising or are we uniquely hopeless?

ETA: off on holiday tomorrow, see you all in week! smile.gif
I found exactly that, beck.

It was probably my major culture shock experience.

Once I figured out the dynamic it was a bit better, but I didn't realize at first and it made for some difficulties.
I don't think you are unique in that over in the UK but it's different from here, at least my part of the country.

Enjoy your holiday!
I was wondering if any of the BUSTies on this thread had genetic testing done prior to trying to conceive.

My husband is adopted and we know nothing about his background...part of me wants to do it, but part of me is afraid to. He's in good health, so I feel like...why bother. My GYN is kind of old school and said why worry about it.

Anyone on this thread try this?

Hi Zelda. I've never thought about genetic testing for myself. Probably the best way to figure out whether it is necessary is to ask yourself, would the information you get from the testing stop you from trying to conceive with your husband?

Hardly anyone knows their genetic propensity for disease, though we do have family history. I myself do not know my father or his family, so my history is very one sided. That doesn't stop me from moving forward. However, I have decided to have an amnio to determine if my baby has genetic defects. This will likely inform whether or not I would continue with the pregnancy.

I'm also a bit of a conspiracy theorist, so take this next with a grain of salt...I worry about insurance companies having access to this information.

Good luck!

I'm of the 'why worry about it' school. I'm pregnant using an anonymous sperm donor so I know next to nothing about those genes. I have a very basic medical questionnaire that he answered and i have a baby picture of him but that's all I know. It's kinda a leap of faith but it's what i chose. Whatever you decide, good luck!

Me too. None of us knows our complete genetic history, whatever we think. I was worried about genetic defects b/c of my age when I had the baby (40) but was happy to settle for testing of the pregnancy itself.

I wouldn't worry. Even if you find something, the odds for most things are still very much in your favor.

I think the advice given by kelly and fiddler is very sound.

I thought of the breastfeeding conversation here when I read in an UK paper that breastfeeding rates there are

only 35 per cent of UK babies are fully breastfed at one week, and 21 per cent at six weeks. Less than 2 per cent of babies are exclusively breastfed at six months.

Geez, that's appalling. Bear in mind that in the UK it's routine to have 6 months off work following a birth, and you can have up to a year.

I know breastfeeding is hard and demanding. I don't expect everyone to love it, I know for various reasons not everyone can or wants to manage it, but 35% at one week????? 2% at six months?? That's disgusting. It hink it's very much a socialization problem there rather than a practical one.

That said, Blanche, you still there? I hope you didn't feel shut up by what I said about giving breastfeeding a try, or being prepared to. You don't have to. You get to make your parenting decisions yourself. Knowing what you can handle and what will be too hard on you is a very important part of being a parent, and that's something only you can decide in the end.
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