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yay, a new thread! this is a thread for posting stupid and/or embarrassing (yet hilarious) things you have accidentally done. i haven't done anything stupid yet today, but my last two incidents are elsewhere on the board: giving myself one hell of a tramp stamp cut from the tub faucet while trying to wash soap out of my buttcrack, and steaming an entire package of gyoza yet forgetting to add the water.

how about you?
Okay, I've got one that's actually something my mom did when I was 15 or so, but it still makes me laugh ('cause it's so typical of us): She'd arrived home from a long night shift at the hospital where she was a nurse, and went to her room to change out of her scrubs. Suddenly I hear this great crash from her bedroom, so I run down the hall to find her lying face down spreadeagled on the floor. I'm ready to check for a pulse or head wounds or something, and she keeps insisting that she's fine and I should just help her up. "But what HAPPENED?!" She just looks at me and says she's fine, and doesn't want to talk about it. Turns out, she'd started undressing, grabbed some night clothes, and headed to the bathroom.....and immediately fell face first to the floor because she'd forgotten her pants were still around her ankles.
hehe, what timing, cause I just had one yesterday! Apologies to those from the Okayer's thread who've already read this story:

I was working on repairing an ultracold freezer. These are good jobs, cause they're worth eight hours each (they're a really technical, expensive piece of equipment...and if you can manage to fix it quick, you've got an easy rest-o-the day.) Anyway, I had one, I took the panel off and it had no refrigerant in it. I found the leak, repaired it, added new refrigerant, and plugged it in. The fans started but the compressor just sat like a lump, it didn't start. I got out my electric meter and it's got no power to it.

So, since I was the only one at the shop and I'm still pretty new at this (this takes YEARS to learn), I get on the phone and call my senior partner, the ultracold specialist. Conversation follows:

Me: "so, I got that minus eighty charged up, fired it up and the compressor won't run, it has no power on it."

He: "Did you turn the switch on?"

Me: ".......oh.......that'd help, wouldn't it?"

He: (spoken very slowly and deliberately) "yesssss, it miiiiight....."
Oh I like this thread! I tend to manage to injure myself in stupid ways.

I have a scar I got from sneezing! It was early in the morning and I had been having allergy issues and usually when I'd get up I'd be all sniffley and sneezy. I was in the bathroom and sneezed really hard. I bent forward with the force of the sneeze, smashing my head into the corner of the counter. It hurt like a bitch, bled, swelled up and now I have a dent/scar in the spot. Awesome.

Also, I gave myself a paper cut in my arm pit once. I was at a store trying on a sweater and somehow managed to drag the tag across my arm pit.

I'm sure I have more but I'm just not thinking of them right now.
Oooh I've got a good one!

I caught a potholder on fire the yesterday!

I was making popcorn (stove top popcorn is the best!) and the potholder I was using has a bunch of loose string hang off it. Every time I use it I think to myself that I should trim them off before something bad happens, but of course I never cut them off. So I'm making the popcorn and I grabbed the pot to shake it a little waiting for the last few kernels to pop. When I'm about to put the pot back on the burner I noticed it was smoking and I thought the popcorn had caught on fire so I put it down really fast, but then I realized the smoke was coming from the pot holder still in my hand. I went to the sink really fast and doused it, so now I have a soggy slightly burnt pot holder. But the worst part of it is my popcorn burnt during all this excitement and the apartment was stinky for the rest of the day.
A male friend I was trying to impress gave me a lift into work. When he dropped me off, I got out of the car, waved goodbye airily... and walked smack into a lamppost. Classy.
god, these are awesome. i'm laughing so hard. thank you ladies! i'm not the only one!
many years ago, my friend and I were somewhere in the city, parallel parking. When we got out, the car was too far from the curb, so we got back in to re-park. When I tried turning the key to turn the car back on, it wouldn't start. We tried again and again, but nothing happened. We began to panic, thinking her car had died-because there was gas in the tank. So we called her dad and told him what happened and asked him to come get us. He just sighed and said, "girls, take the car out of reverse." d'oh! we were so embarrassed.
I tend to put traumatic moments out of my head, but I'm really thinking here.

Although these are making me laugh, lots. I wanna contribute!
I asked Mr. Pug to call this resturant for me and order me a "double dip of butter pecan ice cream", this was when I was stuttering really bad and avoiding the phone. While he was on the phone I was ummmmm rubing him. When he was giving the lady the order he said, "Yeah, I'd like a double dick of peter pecan ice cream." I don't think he even finished giving her the order, he just hung up the phone. I've never seen him blush so hard. It was soooo freaking funny. It still gets brought up to this day and he gets all red in the face and points out that his concentration was else where at the moment and then turns and looks at me accusingly.

Goodnight all!
ok, i got another one for y'all. this morning i walked into work and went to clock in (our time clock is in the cafeteria). i then went to my desk but realized i still was holding my lunch bag (it was early, and i was really sleepy). i walked back to the cafeteria....and proceeded on autopilot to clock in again, effectively clocking out. i only realized what i'd done when i got a sense of deja vu as i went to open the door out of the caf AGAIN, and realized i STILL was holding my lunch bag. and was not on the clock.

I think the worst one I can remember is being with a date, but a guy I knew pretty well by this point, at a really fancy bar. It was a totally stylish hip place and I'm not that kinda girl (I'm more of a jeans n' pub kinda person). so I'm sitting on this bar stool. I'm about to get up to go to the bathroom when I say to the guy I'm with, "I don't think I'm cool enough for this bar" and then catch my heel in the bar stool and fall - face down, spread eagle - right in the middle of the bar. Everyone looks and everyone around me starting asking if I was okay. I just got up and ran for the bathroom.

So humiliating!
Yay, a celebration of ditzy moments, the perfect thread for me.

The other day I was going to make pasta salad, put the pasta on to boil, started going through bills, and balancing the checkbook....end up forgeting about the pasta...until I smell something burning. So it had been boiling away for about 45 minutes and was mush.

Which reminds me a few years ago, I was boiling eggs...again was distracted, cooked them for god knows how long. Then heard strange popping noises coming from the kitchen... concerned I went to check it out, on the way in the door to the kitchen an egg exploded, sending egg shrapnel everywhere, and scared the crap out of me. I didn't even realize that eggs would explode.
One time I was ordering a bag from MEC and I was cooking and started a fire in the kitchen. It was just a small kitchen fire, but it was funny nontheless.
I have a scar on my left forefinger and not much feeling in the tip of said finger, from attempting to bake a cake several years ago. I grabbed a serrated knife to cut the mix bag open, and somehow got my finger in the way; alas, there was not even cake to be had for my klutziness, as I bled into the mix. I probably should have gotten stitches, actually.
Ah, stupid scar stories! One New Year's Eve years ago I attempted to open our third (or fourth...or fifth) bottle of champagne using my brand-spankin' new Swiss army knife (for no good reason, I may have been a wee bit under the influence rolleyes.gif ) and of course the knife slipped and I slashed my thumb on the outside where it meets my hand. That, of course, was not the monumentally stupid part. That came after I wrapped my hand in a dish towel to stop the flow of blood, then decided (correctly) that I needed to go to the ER for stitches. Since it was the ass end of the night, probably 4 or 5 am, I decided my make-up and hair needed to be redone before I ventured out again (we had been wrapping up the night at my apartment). So I actually jumped in the shower-with my hand sticking outside the curtain-cleaned up, changed into clean clothes and did my hair and make-up. Of course, after all that time, the bleeding had stopped, and even though I could still see part of my bone knuckle, I just went to bed (or more correctly just passed out fully yet neatly dressed).

I never did go in for stitches, and it turns out I severed part of the tendon in that thumb. I now cannot bend that thumb backwards (like a hitchhiker would).

Go me! tongue.gif
exploding eggs, i've tried that too. i was making dinner a month ago, and cooked a couple of eggs to go with the tomato soup. i'm bad with timing when it comes to food, so the eggs were not done when i peeled them. i remembred that i had cooked soft boiled eggs in the micro before, so i put the eggs in a cup of water and into the owen. unfortunately, it did not come to me then that before i had cut them in half. when i took the eggs from the micro, they seemeed ok, but after to seconds they exploded all over the kitchen and all over me. i managed to get burns on my hands and the kitchen smelled awfull for days. i'm not doing that again!
the last time i got stoned i forgot about a piece of toast i put in the toaster oven and it CAUGHT FIRE.
*loves this thread* laugh.gif

I've lost count of the things I've burnt. Most recently, I cooked 2minute noodles for about half an hour when my mum rang... otherwise... popcorn, ratatouile, cakes... When I lived in north africa, the air pressure is different to in the uk, and it has this wierd effect on cakes not rising properly, so instead of getting sponge cake, I used to get inch-thick discs of charcoal. And I never remembered what to do to correct it, despite writing it down.

My brother has been known to put butter in the microwave when it's too hard to spread... and gets surprised when it dribbles melted butter everywhere (it's great, it melts from the inside out...)

Last time I cut myself, I was doing the washing up, and held the cheap-ass ikea wine glass too tightly... and snap! glass everywhere.
I was so embarrassed this morning...went to the bank, it's small and they know you by name, anyway
my teller said, "Wow, what are you doing in here it's not Friday"....which made me think, no it's not Friday...I went to the bank on the wrong day, my checks are direct deposit on Friday...the teller was real cool about it, and I just laughed it off...but I felt super silly/dumb.
I nearly burned down my dorm when I tried to make grilled cheese in my roommate's toaster oven. We never had one at home, just a regular toaster, so I didn't understand how careful you had to be. I unplugged it, grabbed a jug of drinking water and sloshed it in there. It stopped the fire, but still made a big mess.
I've stuck a knife in the toaster before because I'm really that dumb.

But, hey, I lived to tell the tale.

I've lost count of the food stuffs I've incinerated.

Oh, and there was the time where I first cooked with garlic and thought two cloves meant two BULBS!
you mean sticking a knife in a toaster isn't a good idea?? unsure.gif (it was a dualit toaster, and those fuckers were terrible for getting the bread stuck, and I did it on a weekly basis as I lived off toast at school... just remember to dry the knife off first, kids!)

gkitty, I ask people what day/date it is pretty much every time I have to write anything. I do it in exams, on my own birthday... you name it. And people always look at me like I've gone insane... but monday is pretty similar to tuesday, which doesn't differ much from wednesday...
A friend of mine told me about a girl he was dating who made the two heads instead of two cloves mistake when making lasagna. I think he forced some down cause he didn't want to make her feel bad but I can only imagine what that must have been like.

I remembered last night that I hurt myself a few years ago playing duck-duck-goose. I hurt my tailbone when I was little doing something dumb (we used to go down this mini slide on the playground on our feet - called it "surfing" - and one time I did it and went up in the air and came down HARD on my ass. Had to sleep on pillows for weeks. ) and I guess it's still more easily hurtable than it might be otherwise. So I was playing duck duck goose on a hard floor and plopped down wrong and it was one of those oh-my-god-ow-ow-ow-ow! kinds of pains. Took me a while to get over that.

I remembered another one within the last few days but I've already forotten it again.
I'm under the personal conviction that there can NEVER be enough garlic smile.gif
humanist, i will second that.
ok, this might fall under the 'tmi' idea, but every time I think of it, I crack myself up all over again.

the mr & I were, uh, together, and were changing positions, and I, completely accidentally, kicked-him-in-the-head.
like, flying side karate chop w/ his head snapping to the side in slow motion and everything.

once I knew he was ok ( I was already laughing but trying not to so my concern didn't exactly come across as sincere) I Really cracked up. he however, was not so amused. huh.gif

danger sex.
I seem to have too many stupid moments, the most recent was leaving the oven on overnight by accident, and not realizing it until I came home from work the next day.

And I used to think two cloves of garlic was two bulbs too.
I recently wondered aloud where pink lemonade comes from (like is it just regular lemonade with pink dye, or does it have grapefruit juice in it, and who "invented" the recipe) and my boyfriend said, "They just make it out of pink lemons."

I made a huge deal about how pink lemons don't exist, showed him the ingredients on his bottle of pink lemonade which just listed water, sugar, lemons and pink coloring, and teased him about it all day. We asked a bunch of our friends and they all agreed that pink lemons don't exist. My boyfriend was starting to think we were all right, and then we googled it, and it turned out there really are pink lemons.

Go figure. Now it's an inside joke with us.
Thankfully I didn't do this, a co-worker who shall remain unnamed, plugged a 120 volt freezer into a 208 volt outlet. Blew out the circuit board. He had put the wrong kind of plug on it.

Or as we call it, he "let the smoke out of it." When smoke comes out of something it doesn't work. It needs the smoke inside it to work. smile.gif
reminds me of something similar I did on a smaller scale right after moving to europe a few years ago..
I plugged an American socketed "massager" into a European electrical outlet.
amazing I didn't get The BIG Zap-- can you imagine my poor mr having to explain that to people?
i always thought that pink lemonade was pink 'cos it had raspberries in it.

Yesterday, I attempted to use my bank card as my oyster (travel) card. it's not my fault they're the same size!
A work colleague was at another work colleague's wedding and thought that the pink champagne was normal champagne mixed with blackcurrant diluting juice. Hee.
I had no idea there are pink lemons. I thought it was just like food coloring.

In a moment that was classically me... I tripped on my way to work and fell. I am so clumsy...I am not even sure how I did it, I was just walking out my back door.
As we were preparing breakfast this morning the boy walked behind me, laughed and asked if I was finding the knife I was using to slice strawberries sharp enough; I was using the wrong side.
I realised only once I got home from all day shopping this afternoon, that the mesh back pocket of my cargo capris had been hanging out all day.

explains that "flapping sensation" I had been aware of when I'd tug on the back of my wife beater (is it bad english to use that term here??). rolleyes.gif
bunny i do that all the time *shame*

the other day i made coffee at work but neglected (yet again) to put any water in. i mean seriously though, that's the worst paradox ever. who can be trusted to make coffee before they've had their coffee!? CLEARLY NOT ME
I do it pretty often too, mouse!

And you reminded me: a few weeks ago I was making some tea and just in the mug, rather than brewing it in tea-cup, and I "boiled" the water, added it to the teabag and sugar, stirred, poured in milk and was wondering why it hadn't gone brown before I realised that the kettle hadn't been plugged in.
ugh..I made a stupid last week. I was driving down a long stretch of several blocks through a residential area, there were stop signs at each intersection. I probably stopped at 5 of them, expecting there to be yet another one at the next one. I got to the next one, and someone was just stopped, sitting at the crosswalk. I honked at them, but they didn't move. I honked again, and I saw her give me a dirty look in her mirror. WTF? So I angrily pulled around her car and went through the intersection. That's when I saw the red light sad.gif

They were very small traffic lights-the kind that don't hang over the intersection, but are on small posts off to the side, on the opposite corners. The intersection wasn't even any bigger or busier than the previous ones, and no cars were going past us. I'm not sure why there was a light there, but there was, and I felt like such an ass. Honest mistake, but I felt really bad because I was rude to the person in front of me, and I'm always appalled when people do stupid shit like that on the road.

*hangs head in shame*
at work, we put trays of product on racks which then go to the blast freezer before packing, and i'm always having to waylay a rack en route if i want to get my check done. once i have it, i have to keep a hand on it, cause as soon as i turn my back, production will be like, "hey, what's this doing just sitting here? get it to the freezer" so the other night i had my rack and turned away for two seconds to ask the manager something, and when i turned back, it was wheeling towards the blast. i grabbed it, tapped the guy wheeling it on the shoulder, and because it was loud in there with the machinery, yelled really loud, "dude, how many times do i have to tell you to quit grabbin' my rack?!" well, once that night was enough. rolleyes.gif
One day, while high, I was making some toast and I was wondering what was taking so long. Not only had I failed to put toast in the toaster, I had also failed to plug it in and also didn't put the bread down to toast. So I had a toaster on the counter. And that's all.

I would have paid GOOD money to see that wink.gif
while making crepes tonight, I scraped, nearly cutting, my tonge while I was licking the nutella off the butterknife I used to spread it on there.

this is what I get for gluttonous greed.
I'm bumping this thread because it's funny and I'm super mega clumsy. (A few years ago I joined the safety committee at work and managed to stupidly injure myself three times in three weeks.)

One night I was cutting some fabric with a single-edged razor. I put it on whatever it was I was cutting and pressed the top of it down, hard, using my index finger. Then I noticed my finger hurt. I had the razor upside down and really cut myself deep. Good one.
I always have a cup of tea to wake me up at breakfast. One bleary-eyed morning after making it, putting everything away etc etc i went over to the counter to get my tea and it was missing. I stood there like a lemon for a good few minutes before realising I'd put it in the fridge instead of the milk. eugh cold tea sad.gif...

I also accidentally spent an hour in an astro-physics lecture (I study law). Id got there early and sat right in the middle so I could see/hear clearly and by time the lecture had started I was 'trapped' in the middle of all these people and too embarassed to get up and leave.

My boyfriend played computer games a lot and so used to keep calling me 'noob' in emails when we first started talking. I have no interest in games so assumed he meant 'knob' and was just a bad speller. Id get a bit offended each time until one day I just exploded and told him to stop calling me a knob because it's really offensive. Lets just say I felt stupid...

On the train and some guy keeps staring and looking me up and down. I was (rather egotistically) rolling my eyes on the inside and trying to give off my best 'not interested' vibes. I get up at my stop and theres a hugeeee wet patch on my jeans where a drink had leaked in my bag...cue sharp exit and over-exagerated gestures towards leaky drink as culprit

It's worrying how many of these I actually have...
I keep forgetting passwords and usernames...

I guess that happens to everyone occasionally, but I think in my case it's pathological.
I must've klicked password recovery a dozen times. *cringes*
Last week I tried to go through those tall, revolving gates with the horizontal bars at the train station-with my bike. Don't ask me what I was thinking, because I obviously wasn't. Needless to say, I got completely stuck with my bike, inside two partitions of the gate in a very small space. i was completely jammed in there, and every time I tried to move, the gate only closed more (they only go one way), locking me in there tighter. It was also kind of under a building, and my cellphone got no reception, so I couldn't call for help, or at least call work to let them know I'll be late.

Now I'm not claustrophobic, but this put me into a panic attack. The best part were all the people coming up to the gate to exit, seeing me and seeming to think 'hmm, that gate is blocked-I'll go to the other side', instead of hmm..maybe asking me if I needed help? No less than ten people did this-until this wonderful woman stayed with me for at least ten minutes, finagling my bike through the bars and freed from the gate. Then because I couldn't go back in, she even carried my bike back up the stairs, over the train platform and back down the other side. and she was totally nice about it. I wanted to hug her, but I was covered in bike grease : P

Yeah, I earned the title of dumbass for the day...
I moved out of the family home a couple of months ago, to another city. Last weekend bunnymama asked me to post my key to our postbox as bunnysister had lost the only copy they had. I did so, not realising that posting it would mean that the letter with the only key to the postbox would arrive IN THE POSTBOX.

Another stupid moment: the boy has a handheld vacuum, which I'd never used until last month. It took me an hour on my hands and knees trying to vacuum up dust and fluff (wooden floors in old flat); once the boy came home he showed me turn arounf the suction attachment so that I wasn't doing it backwards.
I made a pledge to my team that I would not miss another game this season after skipping out last week to see Steve Earle & Alison Moorer (good reason though, right?).

This week game night falls on Shenomad's birthday.
been meaning to post this one, i'm an awful person:

friend's cousin: i've been getting these headaches lately, and i don't know why.
me: (best arnold impersonation circa kindergarten cop) it's not a tumah!
friend: so. not funny.*

*friend's dad presented to the hospital 5 months prior with a headache, found out it was metastatic tumor from the lung, and died 1 month before this conversation. i TOTALLY wasn't even thinking, and i still feel like a wretch.

AND, because i can't shut up, today's gaffe:

me: (sniffing armpit) "My FUCKIN' deodorant isn't working these days!"

yah. my "boss" had been standing right next to me, and i hadn't noticed because from my peripheral vision, i thought she was another colleague.

bless me goddess for i have sinned in my words.
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