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deschatsrouge if I was drinking something I would have spit it out after reading that about the donut! THANKS!!!! That was some funny shit to read. I'll remember that next time I need my food to know who's boss. hahaha
not so much something that I 'like', work today, (I'm a massage therapist) a woman had made an appointment for herself and a man, to be at the same time. It was not specified whether they wanted the massage to be in the same room, so when she came in a few minutes earlier than him, without thinking, I just asked "Did you and your husband want to be in the same room?" She laughed (thank god) and said he isn't her husband...just a friend.

I felt so small-minded :\ Why would I just assume they were a couple, let alone married? I was *not* thinking..that is key.
When I do something around the house, Shenomad often says: "Thank you, Bitch." She watches a lot of Prison Break. I dunno if it's not cool or if it is. The Korean word for crazy sounds like "mitch," and if you wnat to say "You're like, crazy" you say "Mitchi-genay." Whenever one of us gets on another's nerves, we say "Bitchi-genay" under our breath (in Korean, like many Asian languages, it's ok to be passive-aggressive).

deschatsrouge, I love you for making me laugh harder than I have since I saw "my Britney" in auralpoison's post 10 prior. Mad hugs to AP for that: shenomad still wants to know what's wrong with me.

Jew, Gyp, Gay and Retarded all make my skin crawl. And though Jerry's story was beautiful, I still feel like "retard" is mentally preceded by "stupid" or "fucking," just like thirtiesgirl's perspective on "Bitch."

My feminist transgression is that I work hard for linguistic fairness, and still get off on offending people with my own verbal bombs.
= I am pretty embarrassed to be admitting this===
I like to watch the show on the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders ' Making the Team 3.'

when I was a little girl, I sooooooo wanted to be a Cowboy's Cheerleader bc my family was fan's and I thought they were So Glamourous & Beautiful & .. le sigh...
and my Mom would say so sternly " NO. their costumes are too skimpy." and slam the door on my dream.

I kinda feel like this is my way of giving my mom the finger 30 years later.
s'ok, freckle. i wanted to be a Laker Girl ohmy.gif
thankyou cocl, you always make me feel better and make me think (the This Just IN thread ) & I so heart you for it.
- maybe one year for Trick or reat, we could be cheerleaders together? wink.gif

I am about to turn 38 and have started really noticing the wrinkles (worry lines) on my forehead & between my eyes and I admit it-- it's upsetting me. I even said the ' B ' ( botox) word outloud to the mr the other day, like
' you know I think I'd do it if I got the chance, just this t-zone here' ------- who the hell is that person talking?!
what kind of example is that setting for frecklette ?

also, and this is most most most deeply shameful, esp bc the mr, while we have our ups & downs, I KNOW he really really loves & adores me, but I've occassionally started to worry that he'll dump me for a "cupcake" (i-e a much younger, prettier, smarter/ more accomplished woman). I hate feeling like I've reached 'that age' where all the superficial insecurities are nagging at me.
how very vain & sad I have become.
No freckleface, you've just become human. Somedays I consider taking an iron to my face to smoothe out the crease between my eyes. I just can't stand it. And yet, even as I type this, I can feel my eyebrows furrowing, making it worse. dry.gif I want to perfect the Ivana Trump smile where she keeps her eyes wide open so no wrinkling occurs.

FWIW, I think you are lovely and fabulous and you seem to be a great mom.

- maybe one year for Trick or reat, we could be cheerleaders together?

yes! i'm in smile.gif
freckle -

I agree with Kitten - it's just human. I'm kinda seeing a guy who is 15 YEARS YOUNGER than me. I'm dealing with the same mindfuck on a practically daily basis. -especially since I haven't actually told him my age. I mean clearly he knows I'm older than him. There is no doubting that - I have reasonably decent genes, thank god, but not THAT decent smile.gif plus me just talking about certain experiences I've had would make it obvious that I'm older. But I don't find it a big deal, and obviously he doesn't find it a big deal, so... I just haven't told him my exact age. I have to admit I'm terrified of the day he finds out - although intellectually I know it shouldn't make any kind of difference, especially since he's gotten to know me! argh!

oh, and on the botox tip - I honestly don't have an issue with that - maybe that is a big feminist transgression, but I think if you are a well adjusted person, not expecting it to "fix" you, or be the solution to finding happiness - but it just makes you feel better, why the hell not? I feel like accepting one's body and changes in it, aren't necessarily contradicted by doing that stuff, as long as it's not looked on as "fixing" you or something. The problem with all that cosmetic stuff is, I think, that a whole lot of people who do it, are indeed doing extreme things because they're wanting to change who they are, or fix some issue that may well be better suited to working out with a therapist or something. But I think that if you are comfortable in your own skin and happy with who you are, if you still feel a little better hiding some wee wrinkles, then nothing wrong with that!!

you are all just THE' most wonderful busties (altho not to any way imply I do not heart just about everyone here in the lounge too!) and have made me feel so much better & less guilty. thank you much kittenb for that compliment too! I've always felt it was anti-fem to pay too much attention to your looks or even contemplate any type of "procedure" but I AM ok w/ who I am- and darnit- even mostly really like myself.

I think it's just bc I've always looked young for my actual age and I see it's catching up finally.
good genes can carry you a good distance yes, but eventually you Are going to age somewhat. last year I realised that my freckles have ceased to make me look 'youthful' and instead just sort of motled. that was a low blow as I love my freckles so, but , to loosely quote Carlos Santana " your wrinkles either reflect that you are crabby & nasty or that you smile all the time." no great question what side of the fence I aim to be on.

the mr gave me a boost better than botox this morning; I was sitting in one of the rocker's, eating a bowl of coco puffs & hunched over a book w/ a tv tray in my fuzzy black & white robe, no makeup on, newly short cut hair askew and I feel him looking at me & look up & he says " you look like a little kid right now" and laughed sweetly. biggrin.gif
reading this thread gives me a host of things to admit.

I have always wanted to be a Fly Girl from IN Living Color

I found my first grey hair and had to resist every impluse to not pull it out. It's still there mocking me.

I am annoyed with 20-somethings who are so impressed with how young I look. I know I should be complimented but I am not. Now with a grey hair it will be even harder.

I worry that the backs of my hands are too veiny and at somepoint will opt for having fat injected into them .

When I look at women who are younger than me but have more wrinkles around their eyes I feel pretty good.

I constantly compare other women's attractiveness to my own.

Iworry that as I get older my fantastic 34 DDs won't look so good or men will stop staring at me.

I am horrificly vain.

just had to get that all out. feel better.
you bitches are awesome.
ok, not that this is a feminist transgression, but figured I'd put it here since I posted about it below.....

said guy I'm kinda seeing slipped into conversation this morning that he's known my age since right after the first time we hung out nearly two months ago. He asked one of my best girlfriends' fiance the next day. well, I guess I don't have to worry about it - although I do feel really weird. biggrin.gif
I've been getting kind of aggraveted when I hear, "Wow! You don't look 35!" First off, 35 is not that old. Second, what the hell is 35 supposed to look like if not, well, me?
dude, I'm 40. why do you think I don't mention my age. I get the same thing, because there is a total preconception about what age is (especially 40) and that is not me. I've always conducted my life the same way, I always will - and it's not what people think that someone who's 40 does. But what "should" someone be doing? I've been very successful in my career, I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I've ever been, and I'm in decent shape (and thank fuck for genes! ha!) Things most 40 year olds would like to say, I think - and yet, they buy in, and think they 'have' to be a certain way, or 'should' be a certain way. which I call bullshit on. The other thing that I hate is thinking that my friends (almost all of whom are in their mid twenties to mid thirties) would be saying "wow, can you believe she's 40??!!!" to people. While that is meant to be a compliment per se, I hate it. I don't want to feel like an oddity. it's just a fucking number. So while I won't deny it, I just don't say it. It just doesn't matter.

.... and hey, fucking a 25 year old is kinda cool.... wink.gif
I have always wanted to be a Fly Girl from IN Living Color

oh shit! i wanted to be a fly girl, too!
but they actually had *moves*, it wasn't just a bunch of blondies shakin their milkshakes in yellow spandex halter tops
if it was good enough for J.Lo . . .
those bitches had big asses and could dance. plus they wore knee pads while bustin a move. for reals yo
The Fly Girls replaced the Solid Gold Dancers in my mind. I would have been either but I was closer in age to being a Fly Girl (because the only thing that kept me from being a SGD was my youth, uh huh.)
ha ha, the SGD dancers always remind me of the movie Scrooged:

"You can hardly see her nipples."
I'm a feminist but I like make-up, porn and anti-wrinkle cream. I don't care if I even have white hair or whatever, I just want a smooth face. As for the like of porn, I don't see what the big deal is. Men watch it all the time and no one bugs them about it. Plus, the girls know what they are doing and I do not believe them to be exploited (at least not in the movies I've been watching). Make-up is just fun. I can't help it. If I were born a man, I would have been a drag queen.
I'm so there with the makeup thing, too. I've been into makeup since I was 9, which started with just a lipgloss obsession (remember those big tubes of flavored Bonne Bell gloss?), and by the time I was in high school, I was doing full-face Siouxsie kabuki makeup on most days (at least for most of 10th grade). I remember going on a few youth group camping trips around that age (I mean, serious wilderness camping in the middle of nowhere) with my makeup bag in tow. I'd do full face foundation, powder, eyeshadow, mascara and lipstick. Seriously. While camping. Heh. These days, I'm still into lipgloss, eyeshadow and liner, but I try to keep it realistic and don't overdo it like I used to. I'm gonna have to start doing the wrinkle cream thing, too, in another few months. I've always used moisturizer, but I'm getting to the point now where it isn't enough. Time to bring in the cavalry.
Ayn Rand!

Amy Winehouse

Anton LaVey

70s cock rock (Thin Lizzy, AC/DC, Motörhead...)

Ice T

Friedrich Nietsche

70s blaxploitation movies

50s pulp fiction

Hunter S. Thompson

Vintage Hustler magazines

Blowfly (the most tasteless 70s porno funk, ever)

Alfred Hitchcock movies

Norman Mailer

Dolly Parton

Paris Hilton

...OK, I'll stop before you'll throw rocks at me...

Why is this thread so fixated on beauty?
There are so many wonderfully dodgy cultural aspects to be explored. tongue.gif

I'm not going to mention lipstick, high heels and peroxide.
I don't see a conflict with feminism there.
Mae West has always been a feminist icon in my book for being sexually liberated in terms of owning her own sexuality, instead of keeping her reputation like a good girl should.

Oh, oh, there's one more!

I laughed hysterically at Sarah Palin's stupidity in the last months, and could simply not be bothered with serious feminist concern.
I'm European.
I can't help it.
I agree, pherber - I don't see how makeup and feminism are mutually exclusive. I'm a totally girlie girl, and I also work in a totally male dominated industry. Never saw a conflict. I fucking love makeup and just being myself. how is that NOT feminist?

OMG, I fucking LOVE Blowfly!!! I've not heard that name in AGES!!! One of my friends introduced me to "Zodiac Party" like 10 years ago, and I was in love! it's so wrong, but so so so good.

I don't think Dolly Parton is a feminist transgression - I think she's one of the the faces of feminism. She was born into a shit poor family with like a gazillion kids, and she used her talent to get somewhere. She was a working singer / songwriter in country music at a time when all the songwriters were men, and women just sang what the men gave them. But not Dolly. She fucking wrote her own songs and recorded them on her own terms. She walked away from a great mentorship / partnership with Porter Wagner to be a full on solo artist in every sense of the word (at a time when women just didn't do that in country music) and became a huge success. She's owned 100% of her publishing royalties since day one, because she saw people signing publishing deals and decided "I could figure out how to do that and keep all the money, especially since people are coming to ME asking for the songs to use in different things" and that was unheard of, back in the day. The boobs, the makeup, the wigs, the sequins - they distract people from what Dolly really is, which is a GIGANTIC feminist icon. She's fucking amazing. I could only hope to be as strong and as true to myself as she's been - since the beginning, in a time when it was much harder to do so for a woman in her business. I think she's gigantically underrated, but so on the mark it's not even funny.

ok, end of .02 cents rant.... smile.gif
Wearing a frilly, floral apron when I bake - it feels like I'm in fancy dress.
Being a decoration. I belly dance at a hookah lounge and I really like to be looked at in my fancy jewelry, make up, and costume. Even though I'm putting myself out there to be objectified, it gives me a thrill.
I am guilty of that also but from palying roller derby. I tried not to like wearing the fishnets, knee-socks, crazy make-up and short uniforms-all while wearing rolller-skates(!), but I couldn't help but like it. Sigh...
I also love all things make up, hair product, and clothes. I don't feel bad about this. I think that not being the real you is a real failure. Take control of who you are. Just because I like Clarins and trying new things with my make up doesn't mean I won't fight for reproductive rights, or comprehensinve sexual education. Just because I like jeans that show off my bum doesn't mean that I won't fight to stop sexual violence and rape. Okay, I'll stop because I will get all ranty.

Pherber, to expand, I had a woman tell me I wasn't feminist because I shaved my cooch, she said it was playing into the patriarchs idea of youthful beauty. I was like, woman, I do this for ME, no one else. I like how sex feels when I have a brazilian, I'm taking control of my sexuality, how is that unfeminist?
I thought I'd mention these cultural icons, that are often seen in a mysoginist context, but if you take a closer look, it's quite interesting, for example Nietsche is always (mis)quoted as saying "If you go to the woman don't forget the whip" (taken out of context from "Thus Spoke Zarathustra") but he also said things like "Stupidity in women is unfeminine!"

The reason why I thought Dolly could be in that list, is her saying strange things like "I get up four(!) hours before my husband, so I can get dressed up, by the time he's up" (or something like that...)
But she's definitely an icon in the way Mae West was.
She also wrote a tongue in cheek song called "Dumb Blonde" (in 1969) and said: "I don't care, if people think I'm a dumb blonde, because I know I'm not dumb, and I also know that I'm not really blonde either!" laugh.gif
Even more amazing is her wholehearted embracing of her gay fans, that caused quite a stir in the conservative country music scene.

The whole argument about beauty supporting patriarchy is so tired.
Guys shave their face for several reasons, and one big reason is so that women won't complain how scratchy they are, and it feels better when kissing. I'm sure if they had pubes on their cock, they'd shave them off pronto! tongue.gif
Guys also want to look attractive, maybe in different ways, but they're definitely worried about their looks, it's just human.

QUOTE(Persiflager @ Nov 28 2008, 04:25 AM) *
Wearing a frilly, floral apron when I bake - it feels like I'm in fancy dress.

Me too! I have quite a collection growing. Some practical, some that are almost lingerie for the kitchen.
i like all things sparkly! and glittery!
QUOTE(pherber @ Dec 2 2008, 02:17 PM) *
The whole argument about beauty supporting patriarchy is so tired.

I agree pherber. I can understand their argument that a woman would not manipulate her appearance if it were not for the mainstream media. BUT, I think there can be flexibility. I dress up for myself (as well as other beauty rituals) and no one else. my own vanity, really.

i went to dollywood. culture shock, yes. dolly is one of the strong female country singers along with loretta lynn.

for myself, man, ludacris. big time. my good friend (another feminist) confided into each other our love for 50 cent, Jay Z, Ludacris... I've been listening to Bubba Sparxx Ms. New Booty alot lately.

Hey, I got a big ass. I gotta represent.
...the idea of becoming a full-time mommy someday! Yay!

Unfortunately, too many people see this as some kind of treason. Especially in the college environment where I live. I explain by saying that empowerment is about the choice that women have now, instead of the compulsion, to be homemakers.
Lily_Anne, some people become misguided and think that we've given you this ability to choose what you want to do with yourself, but choose anything but that. And there is a revulsion among some people about being a SAHM. Ultimately though, if it makes you happy then why the hell not?

I wish I had an excuse to dress like a 50s housewife. Pearls, frilly dresses, heels; most of the time I'm slacking around in jeans and a t-shirt, but I secretly desire a reason to dress as "feminine" as possible. I have a coat reminiscent of an early 1900s jacket, and I wear it whenever weather permits. Any time I'm invited to a small movie showing or an opera I pull out the small flowy dresses and heels. Oh, if only I had more excuses to be that way!
anna k
My mom didn't work for six years in the 80's when she had me and my siblings, and I'm surprised we were able to get by on my dad's salary as a unionized tileman, given that we had the popular 80's toys at the time like Teddy Rupxin and a Cabbage Patch doll. I don't even remember asking for it, I just got it. My mom went back to work as an occupational therapist, while my dad recently quit tile work and works part-time in the wine section of a supermarket, which doesn't pay as much but gives him a break from working on his knees, and indulging his wine knowledge and expertise.

Back on topic, my sister and I were singing along to Flo Rida's "Low" in the car, despite the pervy lyrics about girls being fucked and their asses and all of that.
I was schooled very early on in the concept that being a stay at home mom could be a career choice. My mom did just that. She and my dad were married in the mid-sixties, and both worked until I was born. My mom had a pretty good job as a secretary at a university, and could have stayed on, but she and my dad made the decision that she would stay at home and take care of us kids. My mom hated to be called a "housewife." whenever she had to put her occupation on a form, she would put "wife and mother." I feel that I've been fortunate to have been brought up in a household where it was really driven home to us kids that it was a CHOICE that my mom made to stay at home and raise us, as her career, rather than something she 'had' to do, or was 'expected' to do. Granted, my parents started having kids when they were older - late 30's - so they'd pretty much gotten all their partying and stuff out of their systems, and I'm sure my mom didn't feel like she'd missed out on anything by choosing to stay at home with us.
Some people seem to think, the world is your oyster, so why would you choose staying at home and raising children?

I, personally would go batty if I had to stay at home to raise children. But then again, that's not my thing, but what fits other peole doesn't mean it's going to fit the next person.

I remember being in junior high and someone saying that her mother was a home maker. I straight up asked, uhhh, what's that? I'd never heard it referred to that. Speaking of which does anyone remember that episode of The Simpsons when the students go on a career day and home maker wasn't a legitimate career because women didn't get paid for it?
as an actual stay at home Mom here & now..

it Is a choice the mr & I made when frecklette was small.
when he & I were dating, I worked retail & was making Fabulous money, but when we got married & moved to Panama, jobs were scarce & I imm got preg w/ frecklette & very very sick, so working wasn't an option.
when we returned to the States, we sat down & discussed that for us, it was more important for me to be home w/ her rather than say, the extra maybe $20** a week we'd gain after paying childcare costs. we'd willingly go w/out some of the material things our friends w/ young kids & working moms had, bc it was a Value-based choice.
the mr was/is gone so much as it is.. we felt parental continuity was very important. and I admit freely that that time of staying home w/ her was bliss; I was practicing Attatchement Parenting & still nursing her (early tod yrs) & it was like a magic bubble of happiness we exsisted in for awhile. but had I planned to stay home This long?
and I've done lots of things over the years.. many of which I was able to include frecklette into (taking her w/ me to part time jobs often- she made great tips at the flower shop smile.gif ) and I admit to feeling now that she's a teen that I am letting her down as a role model by NOT working outside the home. it's a big failure issue for me.
due to multiple circumstances beyond my control, again, working just isn't an option at the moment for me. ( & this place stinks for jobs for mil spouses unless you are a stripper, truck driver or nurse, none of which are Not me)

however, frecklette ( I like to think) has Always seen me "doing something." she knows I write, I study different things & get all wrapped up in them, I'm starting to get into actually painting things myself as opposed to admiring the works of others. in other words: there is much much more to me than just being "at home."
I'm not one of those women who feel content & at peace about staying home bc as much as I ADORE frecklette, I very much envison my life past this point in my life too.

just my rambly .02.
From reading the feminist blogosphere the last few days, it seems like not being hugely offended by the Jon Favreau/Carboard Hillary Clinton picture "scandal" just might count as a feminist transgression, so here's my confession: CardboardGate
.....A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.

I still think she should've picked Dani.
...Gossip Girl.


...not having to see uncovered public breastfeeding. (Nothing wrong with those BFing shields or covering up with a towel, but I don't want to have to deal with people whipping out nipples while I'm trying to drink my coffee.)

PS--Freckle, as long as you're happy with your choices, you ARE a good role model. Your child will see that listening to her inner voice will help her make the right decisions for herself, just like you did.

But the tasteful kind. Like man on man. When men get it on it's always so much more sanitary looking because they usually are hairless. And also, gay porn is hot.
Feminists aren't allowed to like Gossip Girl?! wink.gif
twelve percent, you and I are definitely not watching the same gay porn.

I like a lot of Japanese porn for its politeness. They're always saying please, and thank you, and "would you mind if I put this here?" Hysterical.

Feminist transgression #2: I sometimes slip and call Shenomad 'baby.' Drives me nuts, though she doesn't mind.
I love being called Baby, and all the females in our household carry (somehat sillily) the nicknames of BabyDollzzz(me) - BabyDollzzz Jr (frecklette) - BabyDollzzz Jr Jr (Airy our girlcat) - and last but not least - BabyDollzzz Jr Jr Jr (Bella our puppygirl).

I also confess to a brain boner over finding out I was the object of lust & adoration by the school ultra smart nerds.
had I an inkling, I very likely might have exploited that for my academic benefit, more so than I normally did anyway.
now go ahead & throw stones at me ~ wink.gif
having my pigtails pulled while giving Luverboy long deep-throating slobbery head...ooh, i get flushed typing it unsure.gif
confession: I am a feminist . . . but I can't help but notice and admire the beauty of the women at the Borgata (which is a popular casino in Atlantic City which has trendy nightclubs that beautiful women from miles around come in various levels of undress to be honored or insulted by gaining or being denied admittance to said clubs). I am a lesbian whose fiancee loves to gamble, so we often go there as it is less than an hour from our home, and every time we do I go home feeling guilty for watching all the girls walk by on their way into and out of the clubs. I don't even like super femme girls in impossibly high heels and dresses that I'm sure are actually intended to be long clingy shirts or perhaps a toddler's My Size Barbie outfit - my fiancee is a softbutch and I like being the girlier one, but yet I can't not look at these women as they strut (or wobble, depending on whether they are coming or going) by.
anything make-overy. i'm watching the princess diaries, again, which is a whole 'nother feminist transgression, but i love the ugly duckling-turned pretty pretty princess shit.

oh god. gloria steinem is going to personally hunt me down.
I watched ( & made frecklette watch it with me- bad mama!) the Miss American pagent tonight.
.. it's the whole glamour of it.. and the anticipation of who's going to trip & fall and who has the ugliest/bestest dress.
however, we ate home baked chocolate chip/pecan cookies to flip a big finger to the stick thin establishment that says "this is how women are supposed to look" and I made comments on how much too thin most of them were.
I know I know, I'm so fucked up to watch it at all! blink.gif
(Miss IN won - hurrah!)

I have this weird obession w/ bridal shows on tv. Platinum Weddings, Rich Bride/Poor Bride, ESP Say Yes to the Dress !
I think bc I only tried on Once my fantasy gown but then opted not to get it as we were having such a tiny, informal wedding I couldn't justify a $700** gown (16 yrs ago) and I've never quite recovered from the let down.
.. I tell myself that the "white poofy dress' is just symbolically wrapping a woman up like a present to be GIVEN to the man and how totally sick that is.. but yet, I still pine for it anyway.
(I didn't alllow my Dad to walk me down the isle & "give" me to the Mr at our ceremony though, bc I was aware of being my own person.)

I also notice beautiful women, and how they smell as they walk past, but do not find anything wrong with that and like to hope/think, that perhaps the same is done of me occassionally.
I am a feminist, but I love men. Pretty much everything about them. Not just their bodies, but their cuteness, shyness, silly bravado, their insecurities about trying to be a man in the 21st century. I love the music they listen to, the clothes they wear, beards and hairy chests and all. I spent the earliest years of my life jealous that I couldn't be a boy, because they got to do everything fun and wear all the cool clothes. Then at 12, I discovered it was even better to be be a woman and love men.

That sounds pretty anti-feminist to me. I've never confessed it before. In order to clarify the above, I must explain that I also HATE 30-year-old boys who think they are men. They ruin it for everybody.
ummm..... not quite sure why loving men would be a feminist transgression. I think that hating them would be a bigger feminist transgression, actually.
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