Dec 5 2007, 04:02 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Dec 5 2007, 04:12 PM
AP, you have my sincerest condolences.
Dec 5 2007, 04:43 PM
i am so very sorry.
Dec 5 2007, 05:04 PM
((((aural)))) big, tight, hugs your way, chica.
Dec 5 2007, 05:30 PM
((((((((((AP)))))))))))) I'm so sorry.
Dec 5 2007, 09:35 PM
I'm so sorry. Lots of good vibes being sent your way.
Dec 6 2007, 04:56 AM
Dec 6 2007, 05:08 PM
((aural)) I'm sorry for your loss.
Dec 6 2007, 05:41 PM
Thanks for the support, ya'll.
I'm sooooo lucky. I have so much support. It's weird though, because they all seem to think I'ma flip the hell out. I'm okay. I got the hysterics out already. Now I'm just trying to be practical.
Today a girl stopped by that I stopped being friends with in junior high & another girl I went to school with MySpaced me. It was nice.
That being said . . . ARGH! This is so frustrating! All of these "me me me" people have been getting in my grille! One guy was bitching about the selected date because the weather is bad & his wife doesn't want himm driving. Too bad, it's still Monday. Then my bitchy auntie (Who is a racist & wasn't kind to my mother in life.) got pissed because she'd driven eight hours to see my mom's corpse & we'd already had her cremated. I told her I'd *try* to see if we couldn't postpone the cremation, but due to logistics it didn't happen. Not to mention that she was here for Thanksgiving when mom was alive & didn't bother to stop by. And the kicker, the KICKER is that my dad's best friend started stirring up a twenty-year old beef with me on motherfucking MySpace. He could have called or stopped by instead of making a cyber statement about shit that he got on hearsay.
Dec 7 2007, 07:53 AM
Christ. The poor redneck is gutted. GUTTED. But. We sat & talked for a couple hours last night & I think I made him feel a little better. I started telling stories, he started telling stories & we laughed until we were too exhausted to do much more. He's really not a bad guy.
We started to discuss the practicalities. He doesn't want anything. Nothing. He bought my mom a very nice three rock ring that I told him to keep. He refused. I suggested he break it down & have one ring each made for his daughters, but I may just have to do that for them myself.
Dec 7 2007, 01:43 PM
((((((AP))))))) *extra tight hugs*
So sorry to hear about your loss.
And then on top of it all, having to deal with such asshattery. Oy. People are selfish such idiots. ~~~~minimal drama, soothing and comfort vibes a plenty~~~~
Dec 7 2007, 04:51 PM
(((((((((AP))))))))) I'm so, so sorry. I just don't know what to say.
That is such a nice gesture to do that with the ring for his daughters.
Geez, and I came in here to say that this is the second Xmas season in a row now that I've had another family member pass away.
Dec 8 2007, 08:27 AM
(((((ap))))) I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you're having to deal with the asshattery of people. The ring idea is a lovely gesture. Big hugs your way.
Dec 8 2007, 04:46 PM
Oh (((((AP))))) I am so sorry for your loss and for how you must be feeling. Grieving rarely feels straightforward in my experience. I am also sorry you are, as mornington and yuefie said, having to field the selfishness of others.
Be good to yourself too through all this, and take care. ((AP))
Dec 9 2007, 09:15 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. And I am so with you on the stupid things people say when a loved one dies. Good for you for holding your ground. When my 27 year old cousin passed away, my great aun and uncle didn't come to the funeral. They had an "engagement" they just couldn't call off in NYC. REALLY???? It's amazing how clearly you can see people after something like this happens - and by the same token, how amazingly incredible friends can be.
Dec 10 2007, 07:43 PM
Thanks again, ya'll.
I did it. I can't believe I did it, but I did. I gave a damned good eulogy today. Damned good. I'm really proud of myself. AP didn't fuck up for a change. I did honor to her memory.
Dec 10 2007, 08:26 PM
Dec 11 2007, 12:14 PM
(((((AP))))) major, major props to you. It is beyond hard to eulogize your own mother. I know because I couldn't do it. As much as I wanted to and had tons of things to say, I couldn't get a word out. So my sis took over for me, and I still feel sort of shitty about it. My bff Shannon did her mothers and it was amazing.
I think you rule, babe.
Dec 12 2007, 12:04 PM
AP- I think we all know how strong and amazing you always have been, so the fact that you managed to eulogize your own mother doesnt surprise me bc you are a fantastic human being. I am sure you more than did your mother justice in it and I am sure she is proud, wherever she is now. I can't imagine what you are going through and all I can do is offer you my condolences (I wish it was more). I also hope you dont have to keep dealing with selfish people who cant manage to keep their mouth shut in a time like this.(((((((AP)))))))
Dec 12 2007, 03:06 PM
(((ap)))) i'm just catching up. please accept my condolences. and wow. you are very brave and strong. keep it going!
Dec 12 2007, 07:04 PM
Hi AP...I am relatively new here and haven't posted in this section before but I came across your posting and wanted to give you my condolences. My father passed away last October and I know how devastating it is. It is especially difficult to see how people act in times like this...my dad's sisters were a real pain when he passed away and I have since had minimal contact with them because of it.
You seem like a strong, level-headed woman and I hope you are able to lean on those close to you in times like this and take care of yourself.
And, as I am sure some of us can agree, you will find one day, something will trigger a memory and instead of a tear, you will smile. And you'll know your mother is watching over you.
Take care and if you need anything let me know.
Dec 31 2007, 09:49 PM
so sorry about your mom. I haven't seen this thread in awhile. didn't know.
you did good doing the eulogy. it's a hard one to get thru. you're a strong lady.
remember the good stuff.
my mom passed away on the 15th. I came back to CA to take care of the stuff you take care of. we had the memorial on the 28th. we had nearly everybody say something about mom. from the ebay and yardsale friends to the punks who thanked her for a home, her sisters to her grandboys - all in all it was really good. tears and laughter. and lots and lots of hugs.
on my way back to divorce.city in two days. a foot of snow. two degrees. brrr.
Apr 1 2008, 10:49 PM
*bump* for those that need it.
Apr 27 2008, 04:50 PM
Apr 27 2008, 06:02 PM
Yeh, since I already derailed the "so-and-so just died" thread, and everyone's been so kind to me anyways, I feel a bit intimidated posting here... I'm not used to getting much attention.
The thing is too many people died in the last years, my best friend, and probably only real and close friend, died in 2004.
Another friend and my aunt died last year, now the suicide, I mentioned in the other thread, and another friend is struggling with cancer.
Plus some other relatives, and friends of my family, who died of alcoholism, heart attacks, or suicide.
I can't even fucking count them anymore...
The guy, who hung himself is the FIFTH person, I knew in my life who did that, this is clearly not normal, is it???
My mom said it's normal as you get older, you see more people die, but I'm not even 40, yet!
Sorry, if I depressed anyone here.
And please, don't worry about me, I'm OKish, just a little bleh.
Apr 27 2008, 06:10 PM
(((pherber)))) thank you for coming back and sharing this with us. I myself will soon need this thread (my mom)...and I hope you can find peace with what your friend did.
Apr 27 2008, 07:53 PM
Aawww! ((((treehugger)))) thanks!
Sorry I had to peek in your profile, to read your other posts, because I missed this bit with your mum.
You really have my greatest sympathy!
When people tried to comfort me, they often said, at least they died quickly.
I thought they were a bit cynical, but really it is a blessing not suffering for ages, while knowing, it will only get worse.
I often wished I knew before someone is going to die, because I always missed the chance to say good-bye and telling people how much they mean to me.
I realize how selfish that is.
Apr 27 2008, 09:43 PM
((((((Pherber)))))) & ((((((Treehugger))))))
Jun 5 2008, 08:21 PM
I'm probably turning this thread into a personal blog-
I've lost someone else. AGAIN!
They don't give me a few months grieving time anymore.
The cities coolest, campest, queerest, funniest, loveliest, most endearing old faggott (his word!) died.
I'm so devastated.
He always used to say (insert camp voice) "I hate butt sex, I'm more into cuddling!"
Everyone in town loved him, EVERYONE!!
He was just so fucking endearing!
He was a legend round here, and a true original.
He always had a young hot lover in tow.
He had such a big fucking heart of gold, I know it sounds tacky, but it's true.
I loved him so much.
I'm drunk, and I can't stop crying.
Jun 8 2008, 09:11 AM
Just reading through the posts here. Wanted to tell everyone I'm thinking of them. Best wishes to everyone as she moves through the healing process. Keep faith. ((((hugs)))))
Jun 9 2008, 01:07 PM
Jun 10 2008, 11:16 PM
((((pherber)))) I know how the lack of time to grieve one death before another happens can knock the wind out of you.
hugs all around.
Jul 17 2008, 07:58 PM
And the hits just keep on comin'.
My grandmother died tonight. She lived a long life, had five kids she loved dearly, scores of grandkids, & now great-grandkids. While benevolent, she was also tough as nails & administered more than a few good whuppins' in her day. She was an amazing cook. She laughed easily & smiled frequently, as long as she had her teeth in. There was always gum or hard candy or a mint in her purse, & always a couple quarters for when the ice cream man came by. She dressed with class, her Sunday best was always top-notch. She was hands down one of the most beautiful women I've ever known. Even in passing she still looked regal. I will never forget where my name came from, grandma, nor what it stands for. I love you, I will miss you.
It's fucked up. She called me just last week to see how I was doing after I got out of the hospital. When I was in she came & visited with me every day & even hurling up my guts I tried to make her laugh. She had a really great laugh & she laughed with her whole body.
ETA, My heart is broken.
Jul 17 2008, 08:16 PM
so sorry aural...
Jul 17 2008, 11:19 PM
((aural)) She sounds like an amazing woman. You're so lucky to have had someone like that in your life.
Jul 18 2008, 12:50 AM
((((AP)))) my condolences.
Jul 19 2008, 10:23 AM
So sorry to hear that.
I agree with polly, she sounds like an awesome lady.
Maybe that's not much comfort right now, but her spirit of being tough as nails, having a great sense of humour and her regalitity is still alive, since she passed that all on to you.
PS: Thanks, yuefie!!
Jul 19 2008, 10:27 AM
Jul 19 2008, 10:43 AM
Jul 19 2008, 10:49 AM
((((((((((AP)))))))))) I'm so sorry sweetie.
Jul 19 2008, 11:12 AM
Sep 23 2008, 05:56 AM
i'm hurting more over my dog, who has been my best friend and been around for the majority of my life, than i have over anyone else so far i think.
my life will be a bit more empty now the yard is.
Sep 23 2008, 01:29 PM
Sometimes it's the pets in the family you end up loving the most.
Sep 23 2008, 01:45 PM
Belated thanks, guys.
<3drums, I am so sorry for your loss. The relationships we have with our companion animals is so special & unusual.
Oct 23 2008, 05:41 AM
sick fuck .
May 17 2009, 10:07 PM
I've been absent for the last little while because my uncle is really sick. He's been a heroin addict for probably about half his life. I didn't know this until I was 19, he was always just my uncle. He has two kids who are about my age but they lived with their mom and my uncle lived with my nana. Now he's 63 and has been clean for about 10 years but not healthy for any length of time. When he quit heroin the last time it was because of Hep C. For the past 10 years he's been on methadone. He was cleared of the Hep C, but then last year it was discovered he had anal cancer. He went through radiation and it looked like all was well but around Christmas he started getting sicker and sicker. He also had bad osteoperosis and recently got a slipped disc in his back. He had a blood clot in his leg about a month ago. He's was getting very confused and just sicker and sicker in the last 3 months and about 3 weeks we finally managed to get him to admit himself to the hospital.
We all knew the outlook wasn't good from the start but on Friday he was put in palliative care because the cancer had spread to his bones, liver, and his body is just too toxic to treat. Essentially his body is just failing him. I hadn't been to visit him yet and today I went up. It was awful. He looked so thin and was asleep when we got there. After a while his hands started twitching and then he woke up and looked confused and started crying out and grabbing at his iv and catheter trying to rip them out. My 91 year old nana and my mom and her sister and I were trying to hold him down and he just kept crying. I told my nana to sit down and then she started crying and said she never thought she'd have to see her son in so much pain and I just hugged her. I hate that she has to watch her first born son die. Then he started trying to climb out of bed and two orderlies had to come and help hold him down and my nana just stroked his head and kept saying the pain would stop soon. It was really awful.
The nurses finally gave him more pain meds to calm him down and they cleaned him up because he was just drenched in sweat. When we came back in he was totally doped up and out of it. They said that this is probably how he'll stay from now on because when he's lucid the pain is too much. My moms youngest brother is flying in tomorrow and they think it will only be a few days.
Up until today I was fairly detached from it. I've never been close with my uncle but he's always been a good man, a good loving father, and I have a lot of happy memories of him when he was healthy and young. But seeing someone go through so much pain...It's like a horrible torture. And the pain for all my family around me. I never imagined I would see someone go through this.
One thing I will say, those nurses are amazing. I don't know how I could work in a place like that but as soon as we walked in she gave us a full update and was very friendly and chatty and remembered everyone's names. It's really comforting knowing someone like that is with him.
May 18 2009, 07:52 AM
((ketto)) I am really sorry for you, your uncle, and your family.
Jun 23 2009, 07:03 AM
bumped for thebeesknees.
Jun 23 2009, 06:27 PM
Thank you culture
I actually [finally] registered an account here because of this thread and now I have stage fright. Eek.
My reasoning for this is: I have a lot on my mind, and this is a women-friendly forum, that I'm pretty sure I can feel comfortable in. So here's the thing...
My dad started to get sick in early February; he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, which had spread to the lymph nodes and liver by mid-February. He died the day after my 29th birthday, on March 17th. He was 56 years old. There's a lot in the middle of that obviously, and so much before, but it's hard enough to just say this. I miss him literally every minute of every day. He, my sister and I were very close, we were best friends really, and I miss talking to him every day, and him texting me every morning to say good morning, stuff like that. I miss his laugh and how funny he was and how much he loved me.
I have so many thoughts but not much in the way of coherency right now.
Jun 23 2009, 07:05 PM
(((thebeesknees))) I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Feel free to vent here as needed, coherent or incoherent.
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