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what about calling the police??? I don't know how she'd feel about that, but I do have her land line number.
update. I talked to Freck for about 45 minutes today.

If it comes down to money, we could pay pal it or we could do a western union thing so it's untraceable.

She'll post when she can.

why doesn't someone just do a pay pal in their name, who could easily get it to freck?
I'd have no problem, my concern is that I don't have a US address...

ETA: Perhaps we should be moving this to our crackbook group??? He could potentially see this as it is a public board.
(((( Freck))))
I feel so petty in light of freck's situation... and believe me, I'm not thinking any less of it. au contraire.

I just have to get shit off my chest somewhere and I don't have many outlets for it (other than a few busties and here!) I'm physically fucking ill because of my little epiphany. As in knots in my stomach and puking. I'm not overdramatizing things. I really am. ugh. I really hope this passes soon. FUCK.
he's downstairs & I think it's ok for a second.

today was better.
I am trying very hard to go with the flow & do pretty much whatever I need to til he leaves tom .
I went to the Disability website & realised that to even start filling out forms online, I need my medical records so I can list exact treatment dates & for what. that's step #1 - working on getting all the paperwork (which there is much) filled out, turned into my lawyer (aka my therapists father) & turned into the Social Security.
Monday I have another appt w/ my therapist & then will go to the base hosp to request a copy of my medical records (2 actually- 1 for the lawyer, 1 for me to keep so I will have my own copy to carry in the future) & think I will request a copy of frecklette's while I'm at it.
the next step is to probably open a bank account in my own name so that in time, I can direct the Dis into that & he can't touch it. for that matter- maybe he doesn't even need to know I'm getting it?
there's just so much going on in my head right now it is over whelming.

I'm also going to contact the therapist that works with his Branch of the Army.
I know she'd be willing to meet me somewhere in town so I didn't have to go anywhere someone who knows him might see us & tell him; she's really cool like that. In turn I'm also going to request the same of our Legal rep, who drew up our POA & my instincts tell me is wonderful & kind and would be willing to help me.
(cooincidentally she is a friend of my older neighbor, who I spoke to today about all this also. - it feels like so many "Degree's " like are connecting all of a sudden, which only reinforces to me that this is right.)

if I could physically write everything out in List Form, it would be so much easier bc I am List-oriented and otherwise scatterbrained, but I don't dare.
even rv's # is stuck in a book folded up bc I literally haven't had 2 seconds alone all day & as my cell is out of minutes he might question me messing with it.

I really love the idea of a Safeword for all of you. let me think on it to come up w/ a word that would be most likely to stick in my mind when I needed it. words are funny beings to me & it can't be just anything. (i-e be prepared for something totally silly or nonsensical, this is me we're talking about here. )

as for the Paypal- that really is too much.
I love all of you sooooooooooo Much for offering- I'm so speechless you don't even know- but I can't accept it.
I have an uncle or 2 I will call that I know will help me. they will be so irate they may come gunning for the mr first, but they will then also help me. rolleyes.gif

Holly's call today SO took me by suprise, but again- no words or appreciation go deep enough for thanks.
frecklette was equally floored once I told her who H was, but I know it makes her feel safer bc then I hugged her tight & repeated to her again ' see kiddo? we're really Not in this alone.' and she smiled * visably relaxed some.
this is so much for my girl to be shouldering, it hurts my heart to think of how much of an affect this may have on her long term.

ok- I think he's ready for bed so I better go.

my spirits are higher now, thanks to all of you being there. I honestly thanked God today for sending this band of sister to support us right now-bc that's what it feels like to me- that all of you are lifting us up like a saftey net.

will post when I can again- love more than words,

ps: at facebook I am going to post about hockey now. my other friends kind of wig when I get too quiet on there as I'm such a jabbermouth normally.

psp: zoya- you're really not going to act on how you feel?
I think I can speak for most of us when I say that I am so happy to hear from you, Freck! My goodness, I spent my whole day worried. I went to bed really early last night and then woke up and all this had happened and it was not cool. I checked the Lounge all day hoping to hear from you and I'm glad to hear that nothing crazy happened. I think that everything you are doing is really awesome - I just wish things would have worked out better for you and your husband. That really sucks. I can't imagine how that must feel. We love you - try to stay stong, even though it's not going to be easy. We are all rooting for you.

((((Freck & Frecklette))))
what rogue said.

can i suggest, freck that we open the paypal for you, and if it never gets used then so be it, but if you for whatever reason end up in a jam, then we can help? it may seem a bit selfish, but i think it would make all of us feel a bit better. and if it grows cobwebs, and a dime never gets put in it, well, it's no big deal. but this way you will always have some alternate recourse if all else fails.

please? we worry about you.
I'm only catching up now. (((Freckle))) One thing frecklette will take away from this is that her mom is strong and willing and able to do anything to protect her, and she will never forget that. She will also see and remember the support group of women you have built up. She sounds brave and you should be proud, because you made her that way. Thinking of the two of you.

(((Zoya))) catch me on PM here or FB... I think you are doing the right thing fwiw, but of course it's going to be hard.
what I find truly amazing is that despite the fact you have alot on your plate right now you are still giving support to other busties here. I have nothing but love for you !


Is it procrastinating if instead of preparing for a presentation at a huge national conference I clean the house instead? I am still getting shit done, just not the shit that really needs to get done. I mean I cleaned the walls in the bathroom!

I did get some work done this morning but not nearly enough. I keep thinking Oh there will be time mon, or tues, or that day off work Wed. But if I get shit done before the day off then I don't have to spend my day off doing it?

Now I am just rambling and busting instead of getting it done after complaining about the laziness of others. Way to rationalize.

Absolutely, like Syb - I think this is empowering for Frecklette.
I don't think I quite forgave my mother for not doing it.

*raises arm in favor of the Paypal account*.

I know Americans are taught that it's not okay to accept money but it's a good thing to see the other side... It's a human need to give and support too, you know. Think of it as a hippie thing, Freck;) YOU are the one who is doing the rest of us a solid.
Also, it's like a tutorial for emergency rescue operations that empowers ALL OF US, to know we can pull this off. It will make everyone feel less alone....
... Is this my residual socialism speaking?

((( and Zoya!)))
um, 7? can i say how glad i am that you found your way to the lounge? wub.gif
GT, I love you! I had tried to ignore him using a different method and it didn't work. I think I went to his profile page and clicked on "ignore user" but I could still see all his posts.

confession: I'm on Bust but I should be clicking back to the marketing crap that I need to read.

confession: I hate marketing and am now kind of shocked that I graduated from a 3 year Advertising program.
ccg: I didn't go to school for it, but have worked in marketing (1 program for the Army) & loved it.
I loved understanding the sociological aspects of researching your targeted demographics & developing a campaign directed at them.
of course that's only 1 small area of it. wish I could help you ~

confession: the mr is g o n e & frecklette & I are both breathing easier.
he just called though & I felt like a total fraud, trying to act like everything is ok. :/

confession: at the hockey game last night- I finally got my own team CowBell & am ridiculously pleased with it. biggrin.gif and I still don't think they are near as bad as those damn long air trumpet things.

confession: as I am so inept, I cannot see all of the posts concerning the paypal thoughts. everything I try changes threads on me. that said- I'm still thinking about it & am still awed by every one of you here.

confession: I'm sleep squat in the middle of my bed tonight !
yay freck!!! so glad to hear you sounding good and clearly breathing a little easier. Just keep up the planning and the good work.

To answer your question about why I don't come clean and take it further - well, read the letters thread. There are extenuating circumstances that I am not willing to get in the way of, or make weirder or harder for someone I really care about.

i know you might feel like a fraud right now, freck, but i'll tell you what i told a friend in a slightly similar situation: now is not the time to go on emotions. you need to be strong, you need to be smart. you don't want to jump before you've made sure you've got a net beneath you. so when you feel that sensation that tells you you are a fraud, or that you are lying, remember you are looking out for your heath, your safety, and those of frecklette. that needs to be way more important than what you tell the husband.

be smart. be strong.


i was hanging out with crush girl, which was fun, i like her style which is very casual, she was talking about one of her exs, in and unflattering way, but i got jealous--or perhaps envious-- of her because she said she was a fetish model, 6 feet tall, (i'm 6'1" or 6'2") and wore 4-6 inch heels, and carried herself in a way that everyone kisses her ass, like she's not to be fucked with. not that people fuck with me, or i need to have my ass kissed, but i am so neurotic about my height, i would love to be confidant enough to wear heels all the time. but i think i'd look like a drag queen, but she's a genny, so that's pro'lly not a fear she has... :/
freck, I second everything that girltrouble said, it's definitely a time for a net. This is a great website about making safety plans, as well as lots of other good info. I do a lot of these in the work I do and even if they are never put into place, they can definitely help in just feeling strong and prepared: Safety Plans and More.

I've also found some power and control wheels that I find are helpful in identifying behaviour and being able to name what is happening. This one is for domestic violence in general, and the second one is for military.

I was also doing a little research yesterday and noticed that the Fleet and Family Support Program just had a big push for ending domestic violence and I'm wondering if they would have any support programs available that might be able to help. I know here we have programs that can include microloans for helping women relocate, as well as government funded starter kits (ie. dishes, bedding, cleaning supplies) to help women set up their homes after they've left.

Having said all that, I just wanted to say too that I'm sorry if I sound like I'm saying you have to leave, because that's not what I'm trying to say at all, especially since I'm new here and don't know you. Staying is an option, as is leaving for a short time and going back when you are ready and things are safer. I have seen counselling work for men who are abusive, though in my experience, similar to an addict getting clean, they have to recognize there's a problem and be willing to do individual counselling as couples counselling too readily turns into another power play.

Good luck, and I think a PayPal account is a great idea, you never know how many of us would contribute.
Freck, you are even stronger than you realize. I hope you slept well.

My confession is that I want to get the hell out of Dodge for Thanksgiving weekend, but I haven't made any plans yet. Part of me just doesn't want to spend the money, part of me just wants to spend the long weekend reading good books, and part of me wants to travel to a part of the world I haven't ever seen before/haven't seen in a long time. Also part of me wants to go away to avoid family obligations and food issues.
(((freckle))) Glad to hear he's gone and you can both breathe a little easier. How long is he gone for? You're so incredibly strong and I hope you remember that anytime you feel yourself faltering. I imagine Frecklette is very very proud of you, and she should be.

(((zoya))) I'm sorry your heart is stuck in such a difficult place.

I confess, I am a major stress case. Thinking about finding a counsellor or therapist again...I also confess, I think paperboy could use his own anxiety counselling.

(((((freckle)))))) I want to share one of my favorite quotes:

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and you're stronger than you seem, and you're smarter than you think."

You can do this, we've all got your back.


Confession: It's a beautiful day outside and all I want to do is stay inside, read and sleep.
lillac: that seriously ought to be tattoo'd on my forearm so I can reference it as needed.

admittedly I started to back-slide last night & today... a little voice (who has since been bound w/ duct tape & tossed outside) started whispering that maybe I was over-reacting.. maybe it's not quite as bad as I imagine..
but the reality is- I know what is what.
I know it's wrong to have to walk on eggshells & get really stressed every time something small goes wrong.
I know it's wrong for him to curse at frecklette just for coming down the stairs sometimes.
I know it's wrong having to constantly be expected to meet a ridiculous set of expectations that even when I try my hardest & almost come close- are then raised even higher.
and I know that NO ONE has the right to try to make me feel less-than as a woman and as a person, especially in my own home.

I heard the Erica Badu song 'Love Will Save the Day' (or whatever- I'm terrible with song titles) where she sings about how you gotta be Strong, smart- wiser- stay together... and I think love will save the day- love for myself & frecklette & wanting and knowing we both deserve better.
the love & support we are recievieng from Here so helps reinforce that. you all are examples of more good things than you realise- just by being yourselves.

I got a fair amount accomplished today so wheels are slowly being set in motion, the mr returns some time tom night.


Freckle, the fact that you can say those sentences with such conviction just shows how incredibly strong you are. You know what you deserve and what frecklette deserves and needs and that's more than a lot of people can say. Just don't forget it!

Lilac, it's been beautiful for the past few days here and I'm ashamed to say I haven't taken advantage of any of it.
I agree with everything ketto said - you are one strong chica. And backsliding is completely normal - I did it for two whole years before I left my abusive relationship - the awesome part is that you recognize it and have sought help for it. You will get through this.

Confession: All afternoon when I should have been completely absorbed in work I was dirty-talking with a FWB(?) over MSN. Meh, sometimes a girl needs a little intellectual stimulation. He's coming over in two hours so we'll see what comes out of it. I really felt like the dirty office assistant today. laugh.gif
freck, stay strong! I am really proud of you for doing what you know is right. You know that we are all here for you and we support you 100%. I am so glad that you are standing up for yourself and taking care of yourself and frecklette.
ugh= panic attacks are returning.. but that's O K. bc I understand the genisus of them and accept that this is just how my body reacts when under this kind of stress.
I beat them once before, I'll do it again.
so very Very worn out.

the Links some of you have posted: I am afraid to go to them that the mr will see them in the cookie- memory thing. I clear the toolbar history before I sign off every time but know there's more to it than that.
for all I know he has some sort of spyware on the computer {again} tracking everything I do {again}.
I know I sound paranoid but this is my life.

that said- I love you all the more for posting the links for me.
whitelilly (pretty name!) please introduce yourself in the For the Newbies Thread; we'd really love to learn a little about who you are.- Welcome smile.gif

yah for dirty-talk! you go Girlfriend!

confession: I chipped & peeled all my toepolish off & am glad as peas the weather is turning cold again so I can wear covered toes rather than flipflops bc I'm too lazi to pedi them again.
freck, this might seem kinda silly given all that's going on with you but what's going to happen to your dogs? Are you able to take them with you?
~*~*~*~clear-minded vibes for freck~*~*~*~

If you download the most recent version of Firefox, there's a Private Browsing finction you can turn on. Once you turn it on, no can see your history as long as you turn it off when you're done.
I just posted an Update (biggee) at our secret clubhouse.
you have to read it 2nd paragraph 1st please, bc it was too much to post together.

confession: I probly shouldn't argue w/ the mr when I am This delerious, esp not for such high stakes.
fuck. dry.gif
((((freckle)))) keep us informed, okay? I'm worried for you, chica.

Confession: I've developed a wicked crush on a married man. And he is also one of my main co-workers. Blech.
((((Freck)))) Definitely keep us posted. I hope that things start to look up but I'm really afraid that it's not going to get easier anytime soon. I just wish that there weren't problems like this in the world. It makes me really sad that you have to put up with this because you are one awesome lady.

Tree, I'm kind of in the same boat. Only the man is not married, we dated before a few years ago (for about a month) and he's been with some other girl that he now lives with for the past two years. We've been talking and stuff lately and he's been saying some odd things (like how he's unhappy with her but they still live together because he can't afford to leave and blahblahblah) and that we should hook up and I soooo don't want to do that because I would never hurt another woman like that. I've had it done to me and it's just not my thing. But he is - tall, dark, gorgeous, in his thirties - yes, please. Sigh, men.
confession:i'm seeing red. i am seething. there is some bad blood running thru me. i've spent the weekend talking to a few friends about the bar situation. they seem to think my friend was under a lot of stress when she said what she said, that i shouldn't take it personal, that she had so many other things on her plate when she said those things to me. but i don't care. i want done with her, i want done with this situation, i want this town burnt to the ground and her along with it. my anger has not abated, it's only grown and this black mood, this cloud of hate gotten darker. i've not heard a thing from her since her little patronizing reply to my letter, then today a notice from her boyfriend on FB looking for happy hour djs stuck in my belly like a knife. i'm biting my tongue and clenching my fists. some people think more clearly after a few days thought, i only get more livid. it's been four days and my ill humor has done naught but deepen.

i don't care what my friends say, i don't care what she says, right now, our friendship is done. i HATE her and i want NOTHING to do with that HYPOCRITICAL LITTLE BITCH.


I have lots of busties on facebook, but I confess, I feel like I don't 'get' facebook. I only check it once a week or so.

(((gt))) That sounds really brutal. I can get like you too. Having time to seeth about an argument usually just fuels the fire. It's hard not to take things personally when they were said about you.
That's a shitty situation. I found myself something similar lately and it really does suck. I hope you feel better soon, even though I know it will take some time to abolish that kind of rage.

Confession: I really, Really, REALLY need to get laid. Like to the point where my irrational mind is saying, "So what if you aren't using any form of female birth control? Use a condom and get it over with!" It does not help that the man whom I want to fuck me has the most amazing cock I have ever seen. blink.gif

I'm choosing not to listen to that part of my brain (because I know better!) but it's proving to be very, very difficult.
I confess I should try and add some busties to crackbook, but I'm leery about posting a direct link to my page. PM, perhaps, if anyone is interested?

(((((gt)))))) (((((freckle))))))

Confession: I have this weird thing about heating my house. It's in the low fifties out today & I've got the thermostat set to my standard winter 68. My toes & nose are cold & I'm a bit goosebump-y, part of that is because I'm in my office working & my desk is set between two banks of windows. The other part is that I feel guilty & like I'd be throwing money away if I turned it up to 74. So instead I put on socks & my bathrobe.

(((((Freckami))))) (((((GT))))))
I wish I could paint and draw.
QUOTE(auralpoison @ Nov 11 2009, 10:24 AM) *
Confession: I have this weird thing about heating my house. It's in the low fifties out today & I've got the thermostat set to my standard winter 68. My toes & nose are cold & I'm a bit goosebump-y, part of that is because I'm in my office working & my desk is set between two banks of windows. The other part is that I feel guilty & like I'd be throwing money away if I turned it up to 74. So instead I put on socks & my bathrobe.

(((((Freckami))))) (((((GT))))))

Hey, ap, the way I see it is, you create your own life conditions. If you want to be chilly, leave it down. If you want to be comfortable, hey-it is YOUR money and life is too short to spend it shivering.

I worked construction for YEARS, spent many a cold Wisconsin winter on rooftops, and I earn decent money now and I refuse to be uncomfortable in my home. If I'm cold I turn up the temperature.

*spoken like a true treehugger, huh? NOT....
Confession: One of my friends brought this total bitch to trivia tonight. Of course, she sat near me!
I was trying to be polite, but then I remembered that she was a total snob to Mcgeek and I when we first met her at a party. She acts very uppity , but I can just see throw that shit and was trying to ignore her. She ordered wine, and thought she was all important b/c of not ordering beer and then went on this wine rant about that wine was better. ??? I can't tell if friend is trying to hook up with her or not. I'm hoping he has better taste.

Confession: I can't tell anyone at said trivia team besides Mcgeek that I really can't stand her, because it would be impolite and rude. So I drank a lot to drown out her talking.

((Freck)) ((Gt)))

anna k

(((freck & frecklette))))
confession:after getting a super sarcastic letter with only the most tepid, self-serving apology from the friend i was working to help open her bar, i wrote her a letter and revised it until it turned into a letter telling her how much she once meant to me, and why her words hurt me more than almost anyone i know. i get that she's super stressed, but i don't think that justifies her taking her problems out on me.

i don't think she will view it as anything but another opportunity to attack and insult me, although my only intention in helping her was to repay her kindnesses to me when i first transitioned. friends, recall that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

on the upside? i'm getting my speakers tomorrow, and i am thinking i should simply close out my emotional account with her, and put her and everything else to do with her in the past. i am sure i will be happier for it.

confession: i wish i had just written her a short, terse letter telling her to fuck off.
(((gt))) At least you were able to let her know how you feel. What she chooses to do with that is her issue.

I agree with ketto.

this way no matter what happens you said what you really needed to say!
gt: 'member fish N skateboards N goin' down the line slappin' ?
oh! I'll go from behind w/ the fish & smack'em on the back o' the head making them lean Forward- then you come right after me w/ the skateboard on the front!
now play that image in your head (slow-mo even) & see if that don't make ya laugh.gif ?
<3 you wildly & always will.

things here are... more or less o k. we're speaking somewhat.. but only on a 'as needed' basis,which is fine with me.
he tried to get me to tell him where it was that I planned to take us if not my parents house but I quietly left the room without answering & he didn't follow.
he also questioned me about several #'s on the caller id he didn't recognize but truthfully I don't know either as they were tellamarketers so told him to call them himself & find out.
I'm pretty sure he's checking everything I do online, which at this point is ok bc I really don't have much to hide being as careful as I am.

confession: I'm craving twix bars & peperidge farm 3 layer chocolate cake.
Freck! I am very glad to hear from you and even happier to hear that things are not as bad as I was fearing. Good on you for standing your ground - you are one strong mama. ((((You))))

....And now I also want a Twix bar, hehe.
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