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confessin': i want a big ol' chockolat (as they said in archie comics) cake or three to shove down my gullet. i want chocolate, damn it!
gt: I highly recommend peperidge farm's 3 layer chockolat. food lion (if you have one near ya) has them 2/1 right now. both are already gone & frecklette & I are both contented now.
I'd totally have shared it with you Noelly, even the last piece.

confession: I worked a tabled street event for planned parenthood tonight & while I had a blast doing it, I also felt really old and out of touch w/ some of the teens at times. like I am sure they were laughing behind my back blink.gif , but besides having a teen myself, I AM totally out of touch.
- how do I alieviate this younger busties? w/out looking like I'm trying too hard I mean?

confession: we were talking to 2 young women tonight about sexual health & being safe & the fem girl blurts out
" you do know we're 2 girls right?" and I wanted to sass back 'wellll DUH !' but didn't want to come across as a bitch.
i am bored with my life at current and I really want to shake things up.

I'm also dreadfully bored right now, so I'm going to go and nap.
confession: still crushing on crush girl. grrrr.

confession:i've been helping my friend launch her new bar, and i got a gig on the bill with one of my city's most respected dj's. confession? i was so intimidated, i gave up my lead in spot to someone who i'm willing to bet isn't as good of a dj as i am. or maybe that's just my ego. meh.

confession: i've been busting my ass for said friend, and she's constantly thanking me. today, i even guided them to an amazing dj set up, and negotiated $125 off the asking price for it. but... i sort of expect that once the place opens the rules will change, and i will be ass out.

...and i'm dreadfully tired right now so i'm going to go take a nap.

(ps, i'm staying in tonite culture if you want to call i'd love to talk to you. wub.gif)
Culture, same here. I spent tonight at work trying to think of adventures to go on around here.

GT, crushes are a pain. I'm in the midst of one that's been going on for some time and I really want to get over his ass, or at least stop admiring it.

Confession: My punk and indie loving ears are listening to Metallica and George Michael. And I just won a pair of boots I don't need on ebay. But winter is coming up, and they're vintage Doc Martens so they should be worth it, right?
I spent a good chunk of last night lounging in bed with PixieDust, Mr. Pixie, and some delicious brownies.

I suppose that's more of a brag than a confession. biggrin.gif

I fly back to NC tomorrow. I'm looking forward to seeing Sheff and our cat, but DAMN am I going to miss all of my friends and family here. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
RV, I'm glad you're trip is going well!!
confession: my in-laws are coming to our home for Thanksgiving & I refuse to cook for them sinse it's the day before my birthday.
confession: I've been contemplating slipping x-lax into the sperm donor (aka my f-i-l) 's drink but then realised it's still My Bathroom the aftermath would take place in. - any other ideas please?
confession: it's after 2 pm & I'm still in my jammies & plan to stay that way today.

((((((CH))))))) I hope things get better sugar.

((((rv)))) safe trip home & I'm so glad you've been having a great time smile.gif
Freck, let the dog lick his food, or his plate first.

My day will improve when i get some sleep. I'm bloody exhausted. There will be no workout for me tonight.
I spent the whole morning and part of the afternoon sleeping and I'm still ready to go back to bed.

Confession: I think I crossed the line of "cradlerobber" this weekend. What is with me and younger guys?
lilacwine - to hell with it. I swore up and down as my new years' resolution that I would not date (or even hook up with) guys under 30. But I swear to god, the minute I said that, it's like it brought even more of the young ones out of the woodwork. I don't try. Au contraire. But it's just like bees to honey. I can't beat 'em off with a stick. So I figured, fuck it. Why not at least have some fun? So I am currently working on slowly reeling in a 27 year old so I can just have a 'diversion' for a bit.

I wouldn't even rule out dating a guy that young, I've actually met two in the last few months who are very accomplished and pretty far along in the same field as I am.

and they're great in bed. and fun. ETA (I don't mean the two guys I met in the last few months, I mean young guys in general!! ha!!)
Heh. Zoya, I've usually gone for younger guys, but my cutoff age has been three, maybe five years at the most. The few I've tried to chat up who were younger than that were either too stupid for my taste or losers. This one is 20 and for guys up here, he's a pretty good one--doesn't drink or do drugs, has a good job, some brains and we have similar tastes in music and TV shows. I feel a little funny hooking up with someone that young and I think he feels the same way, but you're right, fuck it.

And you're right about them being more fun, both in and out of bed. wink.gif
Confession: A few days ago I got out my onie again after a three year break...
It 's a scary night drive with the headlights off in edge-states like now, but it helps me figure out how crazy I am and what's really sick and fucked up and what's exploratively okay fucked up. I get handed a list of reasons I'm going to hell and argue some of them down and just deal with the rest.
Then for some reason, hell's off the menu, and I do a comfort-zone check through the most nerdy spheres of stuff that gets me wet, like neuroscience, fractals and obscure french theorists.
So whenever I start geek-mining the Lounge, that's usually what's going on, ladies. I'll try to keep it to inebriated ramblings next time, but I usually don't notice I'm doing it till the morning.

Now I wish I had someone to watch a weird movie with me stoned and just bounce theories off of without wanting to put my hands on them and get all weirded out that I am a freak... that would be nice.

lilacwine, zoya - i'm down with rocking those cradles

ETA: shrunk down to *my age minus 3* lately and they still feel like babies.
How fucking old can I be?
confession: Our admin person at work is useless. she's like tits on a bull. She's always got this dour look on her face, she's not friendly at all. My patience is running thin with her and i'd like to tell her that maybe people at work would like her if she smiled and wasn't always such a cow.

confession: i. fucking. love. me.
and i luff me a fuck of a lot too. least for today.

confession: I love it when GT loves herself.

Or-that shouldn't be a confession-cause I don't feel guilty about it!
confession: my work ethic is for shit. apparently. all i want is to go to work, do my job, and come home. i'm not interested in picking up extra hours, taking extra classes and filling out extra paperwork to advance my employment status for a bonus that i won't even see for two years. i want to do the job that i have well, but if i didn't have to work, i would walk out that door and never look back: not because i hate it, but because i don't care about having a job. i resent being encouraged to put in extra unnecessary time and effort.
QUOTE(sevenseconds @ Oct 26 2009, 09:59 PM) *
ETA: shrunk down to *my age minus 3* lately and they still feel like babies.
How fucking old can I be?

seven - I'm 41 and I'm not kidding, I have had this slew of 26 - 28 year olds absolutely gravitating to me, big time. Now, I don't think I look my age (and everyone tells me that I don't) but I certainly do NOT look like I"m in my 20's. And it blows my mind, because these guys are not losers or icky, they're total hotties who I could never even have fathomed getting when I was in my 20's. WTF???? (not complaining, but it still would be nice to find a hottie in his 30's.)
Heh, I know.
When I wrote this I was feeling more like four thousand years old, with a necklace of sculls. A mine cart tunnel leading to my holy place n all that.

But I know.
confession: my brother is a world class asshole, and I finally told my mother so the other night. She ended up agreeing with me.

confession: if the technology existed, then the other night I would have phoned up my brother and punched him in the head via satellite, for the crime of upsetting our mother with his jerkfacedness.

confession: I entirely blame his criminal dickheadedness on the fact that he was raised by our father.

(bonus confession: Mama Says is a true story. I only left my brother out of the narrative because he CHOSE TO STAY BEHIND with the parent he favoured. He's never heard the song, but I'm going to send him a copy of the demo this week.)
confession: i must've still been asleep, because this morning i forgot to shave my other leg in the shower.
confession: i must've still been asleep, because this morning i forgot to shave my other leg in the shower.


I have totally done that. I've also been so out of it that I miss a two inch strip up the back of my leg.
confession: I am totally procrastinating!

After class I decided to get the last little bits of my Halloween costume because I didn't want to leave it to the last minute. Then I had lunch in a cafe because I was getting pretty hungry even though it was early. Then I came home and went to a variety of websites before finally having the nap I promised myself (I didn't get enough sleep last night so I figured I should get some sleep so that my head is clear). I've been up for nearly an hour and all I've done is have a snack, watch a bit of Oprah and download music. Arrghhhh, I'm the queen of excuses to not do work!
ccg: please tell me how any of that is bad? laugh.gif
<3 you!

ps: what are you and everyone else being for Halloween?
I agree with Freck, CCG! That sounds like an awesome day to me! And I was just like you while I was in uni. I never, ever, ever wrote a paper or finished an assignment until the day before it was due. I work better under pressure.

Confession: I pilfer things that I need from work. Sugar packets, batteries, toilet paper, you name it. If I need it and don't have/want to spend the money, I just take it. Is that bad? Probably, but whatever. We have an abundance of it and it's not all the time. Just once-in-a-while. Admitting it is kind of making me feel guilty.

*Sips tea made with stolen sugar; whistles inconspicuously*
anna k
I hate it whenever I'm hard on myself. I've been taking dance classes for two years, hip-hop/jazz combinations, and I know that I don't have the years of training that much better dancers do. And I get down when I feel like I was bad, or didn't look as good as I wanted to, since I've been doing this for so long, and watching other dancers in shows I go to. It's like it flies out the window and I'm either a step behind or a step ahead, and feel frustrated with myself. Tonight we did a contemporary routine, and I had never tried it before, and got it better in various flowing moves, but still wished I was better.

Yet I try to tell myself that I can learn a routine in a short amount of time, have paced myself to really enjoy the routine and add my own sensuality and sense of grace to it, and have gotten compliments from people saying how well I did. But I beat myself up over not being able to stretch my legs far, not being able to isolate my movements, or have the great technical training of a real dancer. It feels dumb because I am a writer at heart, but I just enjoy dancing, and try to apply a natural grace and beauty and fluidity, and get annoyed with myself when I don't see in myself, and think that I look like an ass.

rogue, I do the same thing. I took some stamps from a big roll of stamps because I needed them. I figured they wouldn't be missed.

ccg, that sounds like such a lovely day!

zoya, my last fling was with a guy three years younger than me, but different in being in his early twenties and in college, and me in my late twenties. He was more of a free-spirited lover who liked being with different people, and I enjoyed the intimacy and fun that I had with him. A sweetheart, a smartie, and completely at ease with himself.
lol, it has really been a lovely day, but the bad part is the procrastinating! Anyway, I'm sooooo close I just have to write one more paragraph and then the conclusion, then works cited and it's done! I'm going to leave it alone and read it again tomorrow to see if I should make any changes. Anyway, I have 45 minutes to get this thing done and then I'm watching The Office/30 Rock!

ETA: I'm done!
ccg: ^ 5!

confession: as I've been looking for seasonal retail work to kick in some extra $ to the family pot, I consistently come across the brick wall of : " must be able to lift 40 pounds. "
but I can't. due to my bad back, I can not lift more than even a single gallon of milk without being in a fair amount of pain that lasts.
so, a friend who works in finance recommends that I consider applying for Disability, as Retail is my most employable skill.
...... I feel like that is 'getting over ' however.
a year ago I wasn't able to look for work due to my anxiety, which I am consistently winning against, but I realise now my back was the same back then anyway.
- big fat loser or legitimate claim? I feel guilty about even considering it. sad.gif
confession: I've decided as of today that I'm not going to attempt to damper down or lessen my personality any longer.
I'm going to Be the joyful, mostly happy, silly person I am and no longer try to accomodate anyone else because it might make them uncomfortable.
as of today: I will seek comfort and acceptance within my own body and skin, mind and soul.
as of today, I will trully- be- me.

Freck, let your freak flag fly!

Confession: I've eaten nothing but trashy food today. Tons of chocolate. Plus tacos and a burrito for dinner. I'm definitely going to pay for this tomorrow.

confession: my senior partner, my co-worker, and I went out for a few drinks after work at the bar nearest where we park, on campus. There was a woman sitting there who had just been at a week long seminar training for biomedical lab procedures-she was pretty attractive, about two years older than me.

So my senior partner and my co-worker are both flirting with her pretty heavily-she was an out-of towner, from Montana, and rolled her own cigarettes. They were pretty enamored with her. They left and I sat and talked with her. We talked about EVERYTHING-having abortions at a young age, fighting to the top in a male dominated career, biotech research, what I do, what she does, her husband wanting to have kids but she doesn't, her hysterectomy when she was 25, etc.

Annnndd....I walked her back to her hotel. (across the street) She kissed me. Passionately. She was kind of tipsy so I didn't take her up on her invitation to "come up to her room". I could've, though.
((((rudderless, rv)))))
tree, hot!

confession: I proudly (but not really on purpose) externalized my state of mind by giving myself a huge black eye last night. I live in this house full of artists and their quirks and installations and I walked straight into the sharp edge of a vinyl record suspended from a pair of mannequin arms tied to look like running legs.... (tripping out on all this info since the house/injury scenario is so surreal it can pretty much be read like a dream;) Broke a vein, the bump grew in 3 seconds. Considered for a moment initiating the ordeal of getting to whole foods before they close (for Helichrysum italicum - magic on bruises) but then was like, fuck it. It's a black eye. It's Halloween.
Now I am my costume. Yay.
You still got it, Tree!

Confession: Tonight instead of handing out candy to the neighborhood kiddies, Sheff and I got dolled up and went out to eat at the highest rated restaurant in the area. We stuffed ourselves silly on delicious, interesting foods. I feel kinda guilty that we weren't there for the kiddies but, dammit, I had a REALLY shitty week and I needed to get out.

We still dressed up for Halloween! Just not in the usual way.
tree, that is fucking hot. I'm green with envy.

RV, you deserve the dinner. My mind is wandering about your other dress up. Very good!!!



confession: last night one of my friends was annoying me so much I just wanted to tell her to SHUT UP! We were at this huge house party that was so packed that just trying to walk down the hallway was an ordeal. We kept having to wait for other people to pass by and a lot of the time they had no space to move. So anyway, at one point she just kept tapping me on the arm over like a little kid tugging at her mom's skirt or something just to ask me which way we were trying to go. And at another point she told the rest of us (my friends) "hey guys, keep it moving!" Um, we can't! There is nowhere to move to because the place is so packed!

I realize now this sounds really stupid and incoherent but it was just so annoying. Also, she took about two hours to get into her devil costume which was nothing more than a black skirt and a red top. She had to rely on me for devil ears because she supposedly couldn't find any. Ugh, sorry ladies, I'm just annoyed.
I went to a themed costume party for Halloween and didn't have much fun. I didn't want to dress up and I didn't want to pretend that I was fascinated by the infants and babies that were present at said party. I would have been happy staying home and watching bad TV, but felt like I had to do something to entertain the out of town company. I haven't given a shit about Halloween for quite a while now and I don't see that changing any time soon. It was my favorite holiday when I was an angsty teen, but now? Seems like a hassle and a lame grasp at youth.

I am really wanting to get away for Thanksgiving, but have been procrastinating on making plans and now all the hotel + air packages I can find are through the roof super expensive.

RV, good on you for the dinner. That sounds just so divine. And Tree, that sounds divine, too, but in a different way.
I'm jealous of something, and in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't even make any sense whatsoever. but still, I am.
I confess that I saw e-man while on my walk this morning. And my first thought was how can he be running late to work after a weekend when he gained an hour? Then remembered it was none of my business. I've ached a little for the rest of the day.

I also confess to spending Halloween night in my bed watching movies via Netflix and it was one of the best Halloweens I can remember.
Freck, damn girl! That's hot!
RV, you deserve that dinner.

Confession: I deleted the college ex on Facebook that just recently (as of today) become a professor. I know I should be all congrats about his accomplishments, but it was hurting me more than it was worth in my relationship. It's still weird that he email me now of all times. Not 5 years ago not a year after college but now when I'm planning my frigging wedding.

Confession: I know I'm supposed to be all cutesy around my friends new baby, but it's really annoying. I get that he's a new dad and excited about her, but when he makes her speak on the phone to me, I just want to vomit.

(((period monster)))


I confes that I spent Hallowe'en really baked, then I came home watched porn and rubbed a few out. it was pretty damn great. 'Course, it would have been better if it was really dick. Especially of the cute tattooed boy I met.
confession: I managed to waste almost an hour and a half on the phone to my parents. But it wasn't my fault, my mom called me! Anyway, I'm back to trying to write an essay and mostly it just seems like I'm ranting and raving like a lunatic.
I went to two parties on Halloween; one was a small gathering of my friends and their boyfriends, all of whom are much younger than me, and another one at a local bar where the clientele is more my age.

I had more fun at the first party than the second. I didn't see too many people at that one and those I did see were pretty shit-faced to the point where they didn't even recognize me.

Confession: I blew off helping someone with their computer because I was too tired and felt like being a hermit tonight.
confession: I went to a sushi restauraunt for dinner tonight & out of pure desperation... ordered the ICE CREAM ! laugh.gif (ok it was fried ice cream, but still)

confession: I went bravely into the meetup group for the first time tonight & had a great time! smile.gif

confession: I am pretty sure in the gaydary-y way that one of the women is going to/ 1/2 was, hitting on me.
- how do I feel about that? as I'm not the straightest of arrows (baby I got curves! ) I think probly ok but I'll have to think on it more.
interesting. blink.gif

confession: as per my new re dedication to myself, I tried very hard to just be my real self tonight & think it went ok.
I'm back to being disgusted with most of humanity right now.

I really want to say that I am attending "To Write Love On Her Arms Day" on Facebook but I am afraid that my entire list of peeps will see and finally figure out the real reason why I want to "attend" this day so badly, and that needs to be kept a secret. The Lounge is the only real place that I would feel even remotely comfortable talking about it, and for that ((((Busties)))). I'm going to "attend" anyway but I don't think I can announce it publically.

Sorry that this sounds cryptic. It makes me really nervous just thinking about it.
So, what is this day you speak of?

Why not just put everyone on a list so they don't actually see you are attending the event?

Confession: I'm seriously annoyed with some so-called friends of ours. We used to have them over to our house all the time, but they've drifted away in recent months. Then a couple of months ago, they completely bailed on a birthday dinner for one of our good friends in order to go to the beach with other people (I only found out because photos popped up on Facebook). Now I find out that they had a Halloween party but didn't invite us. I don't understand why they don't feel they can incorporate us into their new group of friends. Why do they keep shunning us like this? Every time I think I'm over it, I find out something new and I get annoyed all over again.

Note that I think it's fine for them to have this other, new group of friends. I just don't understand why they can't be friends with us, too. It's really fucked up. I keep thinking about confronting them on their shit, but I don't have the nads to do it.

CH, I've never heard of that day either. I found this on wiki about To Write On Her Arms.

That sucks about your friends. I hate when people act like that! Maybe you could politely call them on their shit, if that's even possible? Just ask what is going on with them, maybe mention that you have been feeling a little left out by them lately (even if it's not entirely true and you just want to yell at them) and just ask what's up? Maybe it's all a misunderstanding? I have come to realize that it's usually never a misunderstanding, but sometimes giving someone the benefit of the doubt works wonders and making them feel a little guilty sometimes helps to soften someone up to the truth, even if it is kind of like playing dirty.

To Write Love On Her Arms is a support group for depression, suicide and self-injury. As a self-injurer, I just don't want people that know me personally to make any ties to it and me. I'm not ready for people I know in my non-online life to actually know about it. It's a part of me that I keep very, very hidden - even my best, closest friend since we were twelve years old doesn't know about it. If I were afraid that it would kill me I would tell them, but I'm not afraid of that; I don't actually want to kill myself. It's more of a coping mechanism. It's been a part of my life for seven years now. It still scares me to think that some people would figure that out about me by me "attending" the event. I have no scarring on my body from previous behaviour so I think people would just think I was faking/doing it for attention, but that's not the way of it at all. I feel that self-injury is a very misunderstood thing; that most people have the "cheer up, emo kid" outlook on it, when a lot of the time it's not like that at all.

(((((rosey)))))) they are poop. i have a friend who is doing some thing similar. she got a job at microsoft, which is notorious locally for swallowing people when they get a permanent job there. i'm happy for her, it's her dream job, but she seems to forget me...

rogue? couldn't you just say you believe in the cause? that you want to add your support? that a childhood friend was suicidal? afterall, one doesn't need to be gay to support gay rights or have polio to support search for a cure.
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