May 9 2006, 05:43 PM
Poor Doodle. That's terrible that it has been causing you so much shame! You shouldn't feel bad about that! I think it sounds like a good solution. Good lord, what should you have done? cut your head off? Nothing's worse than dental problems. It's not like you wanted to buy a pair of shoes. (But if you did, I wouldn't judge you.)
May 9 2006, 07:10 PM
I pray the factory I work at will go out of business or burn to the ground.
I fear I will get stuck working there for the rest of my life.
May 9 2006, 07:18 PM
I worked in a factory once. I couldn't take it. One day, after about 9 months, I walked up to my boss and said, "I quit. I'd rather be unemployed and broke than go crazy from working in this place."
May 9 2006, 08:50 PM
I pee in the shower too. And, the other day, I pooed in a toilet in a an abandoned house with no running water.
I wish I could use my breasts to get attention.
I used to read my roommate's journal.
My biggest fear is that life will disappoint me.
May 9 2006, 09:06 PM
i don't shower.
imagine if i peed in the bath, ha! now that would be a confession.
i talk to myself. a LOT. meh, there are no other adults in the house, what the fuck. little sometimes thinks i'm talking to him and is all like "what, mom?" if he only knew how crazy his mother is.
i strongly dislike four out of five of my coworkers. no really, bitches the lot of them.
i can't stop reading late, late into the night. great novel or crappy brain candy, i don't put the book down until way, Way too late and then i'm dead when the alarm goes off at 6am. crap.
not a day goes by that i don't want to take a drink. or three.
May 9 2006, 11:03 PM
I talk a lot to myself as well. In fact, I can keep up a conversation with myself better than I can with most people.
I strongly dislike one of my coworkers, mainly because I'm jealous of her looks and she gets along better with my coworkers than I do.
Occasionally, I go into a bookstore like Barnes & Noble and put something like Bitch or Adbusters in front of, say, Cosmo. It makes me feel better.
When I'm sleeping alone, I need to have the radio or a light on because I'm scared otherwise. (Also, I like to read right before I go to sleep, so the light is sometimes left on anyway.)
I want my workplace to burn to the ground too.
May 10 2006, 12:04 AM
oh-thanks culturehandy for starting this great thread!
I occasionally peak into my boyfriend's email.
and miss_jane, I'll have to second (or third?) you right back about not feeling creative, witty, smart, or radical enough to get into political activism. But I still feel passionately beyond words about it.
May 10 2006, 01:47 AM
I pee in the shower too. I tell myself it's to practice my standing-up aim (at the plughole, so no wees gets me on the feet!) but in reality I never pee standing up anymore because I don't frequent bars and I never go anywhere. Oh and I would die if M knew I did this.
May 10 2006, 04:27 AM
la sirena - lets just keep seconding and thirding and fourthing each other about it!
I have contempt for women who buy beauty magazines, who have cosmetic surgery and prefer to be beautiful than intelligent, but I spend at least half an hour a day looking in the mirror, I didn't get a piercing because I thought it'd make me less pretty and I feel better about seeing my boyfriends exes because I believe myself to be prettier than them.
My boyfriend thinks I don't like a woman he works with because she is silly and immature. Really I'm jealous because she is pregnant.
I shoplift. Not because I need the things, but just because I can.
I also pee in the shower.
May 10 2006, 05:46 AM
I also pee in the shower.. not always, but how liberating!
I stole a set of brightly colored fish imprinted bread plates from red lobster. and a small dipping bowl too, and tried to get one of the big platters (aka ' the holy grail')but never had a purse big enough w/ me. I was always ready to say if caught doing it " what? you mean they don't come with the meal?"
after that it was a pizza spatula in Einseidlerhoff, then a tiny silver spoon from a cafe above wal-mart in Trier, and a coaster from a cafe' in belgium ; tried to take the coke bottle from the cafe' next to our hotel in Paris but the proprieter literally chased me down, very embarrassing, though I did manage to get the one at the pub in Ireland.
I still buy & read cosmo, even tho there is little I can relate to anymore and hold most of it in contempt.
I sit in the sun and collect freckles on my face, bc I feel I am not pretty enough to get attention there otherwise, and just recently began to realise how much damage I have probably been doing to my skin. ironically, I otherwise nearly totally avoid the sun altogether bc I burn.
May 10 2006, 07:00 AM
If I knew then what I know now, I'd never have had my child.
My intelligence is tempered by my tenuous grasp on sanity, and no matter how medicated I am, I still think about suicide every day.
I worked my ass off to get my CPA license, but it doesn't make me happy. I love performing on the stage, but I don't have the guts to persue it.
There's several things I need to do and a million things I want to do, but instead of doing any of them I routinely just sit on the couch and turn my brain off in front of the television and hate myself for it.
This thread scares me.
May 10 2006, 07:04 AM
I pee in other people's showers.
Ya know, this shower urination thing is so widespread that perhaps it doesn't qualify for 'confession?' Just wondering.
May 10 2006, 07:10 AM
Pretty much every time I go to walmart, I 'accidentally' leave a lipstick or something in the bottom of the cart. It makes me feel better about shopping there.
May 10 2006, 07:10 AM
I must confess ... I have never peed in the shower! not that i'm judging any of you for doing so!
However, I did pee myself once after a lot of red wine and the bus taking too long on journey home (I was walking from bus stop and was approx. 2 min away from home but could not hold it in any longer.)
I'm too scared to post any more confessions just now.
May 10 2006, 07:26 AM
Speaking of urination, when I was 16 I wet my bed. I told everyone including myself that it was ejeculation because I'd had a sexy dream. Really I've never even had an orgasm while awake.
Wow, this thread is good for the purging! I'm tired now!
May 10 2006, 07:35 AM
tallgirl, I am so there right now.
I stayed up last night thinking about this thread and what other sorts of things I would say. I think I'll do a purge a day. It feels good... sort of.
I used to hit my mother when I was in high school and middle school. I never punched her lights out or anything, she was good at dodging my wrath and protecting herself with her arms. Once I threw a wrench at her and it hit her head near her earlobe. She was at the top of the stairs and if it had hit her harder and knocked her out she could have fallen down the stairs. I also hit her over the head once with a remote control when she was laying in bed.
May 10 2006, 07:41 AM
I *almost* peed myself when we were moving. We couldn't find a bathroom and we were stuck in Hoboken and then Manhattan traffic and when we finally parked outside our building I had wedged my sweater under me (I was wearing a skirt) and was all set to just let go and pee.
Best part was, Mr.Luci was in the same predicament. I made him promise me that we would never become that couple that pees in front of each other, but we made an exception that day. I got the toilet and he peed in the sink. Ah, bliss.
lilacwhine, I do the magazine thing too. I also stand in front of the magazine racks and loudly berate Cosmo and Self and Allure and all that shit, hoping that someone will be offended.
My boyfriend makes over 100K a year and wants me to find a job I actually want to do, instead of just taking whatever so I don't feel like too much of a leech. I know I'm supposed to always have my own money and income and I'm pretty much just betraying women in general. But I like not having to go to work.
May 10 2006, 07:42 AM
I am intellectually intimidated by my (roughly the same age) cousin who has just received his PhD while I haven't had the attention span to stick with a career. He moved to my town 5 1/2 years ago and I have never been to his house, and now he is moving several hundred miles away.
I also pee in the shower but will never felt guilty about it
May 10 2006, 08:11 AM
i'm convinced that if i just lost 20 lbs, my life would dramatically improve and i'd be happier. let me rephrase that. i'd be happy. period.
i love cocaine. pretty much gave it up. miss it sorely. dream about it. love it. there. i said it.
and whereas i've drunkenly peed holding onto the back of a limo for support, i could never pee in the shower.
ok. yeah. this is a friggin scary thread alright.
May 10 2006, 08:18 AM
lucizoe - I stay home too right now and also feel a little funky about it, but not so much that I want to rush out and get another job. The Mr. was really cool about me staying home cause I was a stressball at my last job, but I want to have my own money and such too...... (BTW - not to be rude or anything but what does your Mr. do for work? My Mr. and I have always wondered what type of work people in the city do to afford the cost of living..... we would love to move)
Confession : My Mr. is kind enough to work all day long, every day of the week and pay for everything so I can stay home right now and when he gets home he is sooo tired and I get pissed at him for not having the energy to goof off with me and play around and love on me even though he has been working all day and I have been doing NOTHING. I know that's really ungrateful and selfish.........
I also wish sometimes that my Mr. was a Mrs. and I tell him (kind of) and I think it hurts his feeling......
I should probably learn to keep my mouth shut.....
May 10 2006, 08:18 AM
ooopppssss..... hit the button twice......
May 10 2006, 09:24 AM
mando- ditto, about the 20 lbs. and probably about the cocaine too except for me it's pot, which I've only smoked twice but would LOVE to do it again, and again & so on & so on.
I'm scared that at 35, I Am what I'm going to be in my life, which is pretty much a stay at home wife & mom, something I've always looked Down on, but I am also maybe more scared to start school bc then the whole world will find out how stupid I really am bc I have no study habits and never remember anything.
how much Energy I've spent in dodging not going to a real school!
yes, scary but good thread.
May 10 2006, 09:25 AM
I lied in court to beat a traffic ticket.
I love being stoned, and plan on growing my own bud.
I want to have dirty raunchy sex with a cop.
I love threesomes.
I have also peed in the shower.
I feel bad about killing bugs, and when I find them in the house, especially spiders, I insist on putting them back outside.
I love anal sex and watching anal porn. That took something to get off my chest.
May 10 2006, 10:25 AM
I have never been stoned and right now its the one thing I can think of that I really want to do. I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone though because i think they all assume I don't want to smoke.
Psst. Culturehandy, i love anal sex too. And I don't care who knows.
May 10 2006, 10:36 AM
I'm pretty sure someone spiked my drink years ago when I ended up passed out for hours. I was drinking with a group of (mostly) men and I've never known for sure what happened when I was passed out. I woke up in a strange man's flat (not that unusual back then). He was quite nice to me but I got up and went home.
I didn't experience any pain or discomfort so put it to the back of my mind until yesterday, and never told anyone. Possibly nothing happened but a tiny flashback suggests to me something may have.
May 10 2006, 10:39 AM
I love the smell of cigrettes and want to smoke
I hate being alone but I don't like people enough to want to be around them
I am tired of being tired
I hate over-achieving students, even though I suspect I might be one, and I hate people who are more clever & better-motivated than myself. But I have no patience with people who can't keep up with my own thought processes.
I am scared by this thread. Because I know there're things I won't write, even on here.
May 10 2006, 10:56 AM
I want all the BUSTies who miss their drugs to come over to my apartment for a party
I too think if I lost 20 lbs I'd be happy. I know I would be, because the exercise and diet I adopted last summer did just that and I felt incredible.
I feel like I suck and I'll never make any friends again.
(*pssst* voodoo_princess, mr.luci is a senior software engineer for a French-based company...he's one of those fucking lucky individuals who is supremely talented at a very in-demand profession, which also happens to be his hobby. bastard.)
confession: I'm jealous of my boyfriend's job security and earning power, despite my often-voiced belief that I'd rather have a job doing something I love for minor ducats. I wish my hobbies were lucrative.
May 10 2006, 11:33 AM
i just realized something. due to reasons i don't understand having to do with this outdated messageboard software, these archives could very well never be completely deleted and could come back to haunt us. which will probably prevent me from ever saying what i really want to say.
don't mean to rain on anyone's parade, because obviously i too am all about the catharsis. just thought i'd throw it out there as a precaution.
May 10 2006, 01:12 PM
good point mando. but even knowing that...
i want to quit smoking, but everytime i'm around people who smoke i light up. yet i never smoke when i'm alone.
i love my kids to death but breathe a sigh of relief when they go to the sitter.
i really should get my GED but i'm too scared to walk in to a room full of people i don't know. and i know i don't have the discipline to study and get it at home.
and, last but not least, i desperately wish i could lose about 40 pounds. mostly b/c then my old clothes will fit again and i won't have to buy new ones, but also a little bit so that people will tell me how good i look.
May 10 2006, 01:36 PM
I agree with the losing wieght thing! My only fear is that i love my breasts and I don't want them to go the way of the dodo.
May 10 2006, 01:56 PM
This is related to my sin confession: I can't stand my mom's mom. I can last about 2 hours around her and then I have to leave. I make excuses about not being able to visit which leads to guilt trips from my mother which makes me resent her too.
If I could be doing anything at any given moment I would run or ride or swim or gym. I think I'm addicted to exercise so I race to hide my addiction as training.
I've posed naked for my neighbour. He had a girlfriend at the time. They aren't together anymore. I wonder if I had something to do with it. But I am secretly happy because I want him for myself.
It took a lot to hit the post button on this one.
May 10 2006, 02:06 PM
I had already realised that and will echo that there are things I just won't put out there due to the crazies I've known before.
just now finding out that there is a formal military ball for my mr's unit, and it wasn't him that told me about it, making me wonder if he hasn't told me bc he is ashamed or embarrassed of me, bc he is quiet and low key and I am friendly & outgoing and I know it sometimes bothers him bc he's much more the blend in w/ the scenery type.
he also once joked that he only married me so he didn't have to talk anymore, which secretly hurt me deeply like he was saying I talk too much, and all this is proof?
May 10 2006, 02:10 PM
I peed in the hallway of a new hotel. I was carrying my puppy in one hand, baby in the other, dragging my luggage, and the stupid door key wouldn't work! (where was my husband you might ask? There is a reason I am divorced from him)
I know I should be the better/bigger person in all of life's trials...but there are times I would rather act just as childish and stupid even though I know it won't bring the desired results.
Mandi..I know what you mean...I can think of a dozen things I want to say, but I know there are still lurkers.....
May 10 2006, 02:18 PM
For over half the time I was with my ex, I was in love with the person I am with now.
I believe I will spend the rest of my life with him. This is a secret because if I tell any of my friends they will take the piss, call me old fashioned, and tease me about being "anti-feminist".
These friends that i speak of are from my high school. I can't be bothered being friends with them any more but feel too guilty to take them out of my myspace top 8. I wish that I was still friends with most of them. 3 at the most. Possibly only 2.
May 10 2006, 02:23 PM
I think very poorly of myself and think that I am very very unattractive. So much so that I avoid social interaction with "real" people because it makes me sad to see "pretty" people and feel the way I do about myself. I guess I am embarassed of myself. It took several attempts for me to have the courage to post the pic of my new haircut on here and I still go back and compare myself to pics I've seen of (other) beautiful BUSTIES. I don't even know how to be pretty, even though I have an idea of what pretty is to me.
May 10 2006, 02:44 PM
May 10 2006, 02:50 PM
I have this inexplicable phobia where ordinary buttons freak me out and give me "cold fingers" down my spine. I've had it since I was a little kid; it's never gone away. I don't like them. I don't own any clothes with them, except my jeans and my blazer, and it only works for me because the jeans buttons aren't sewn, and the jacket buttons are covered - although I often feel suspicious about the latter ones. (I don't mind other people wearing them, but not me.) I can't sleep on/in button-down bedding, and I can't tolerate curtains with buttoned tabs. The kind of buttons with the thread holes that show on the front are the worst for me. I avoid even touching them. And I especially hate buttons when they are wet. I don't even like saying, writing, or reading the word "button," except in an electronics context. (I am even creeping myself out re-reading this post.) I don't know what it is. It's possibly the weirdest, most insane phobia on the planet. And yes, this is absolutely true.
Thanks, aquagirl. Validation DOES help!
May 10 2006, 03:30 PM
I was arrested for shoplifting when I was 16. My parents are the only other people who know.
May 10 2006, 04:44 PM
((((((((CrasyOldCatLady)))))))))) Me too. It's so scary being in such a new place. I don't even know how to begin to make friends. It's just been too long.
May 10 2006, 04:45 PM
i am turning into my mother. This scares me, because I do not want to live my mother's life so far.
May 10 2006, 04:52 PM
I dislike my bf's brother. I dislike my bf's best friend. He doesn't know this.
I am secretly scared because I feel my parents like my sister much more than me.
I am scared because I think they're right.
May 10 2006, 05:42 PM
I read my sister's diary and never told her. I never forgot the line about Barry with his shit brown eyes
I pick my nose in the car
I am afraid of the dark and slept with a nightlight unitl I was 10
I can't walk into a bathroom if the lights are not on first,if the lights are not on I will stick my hand in to find the lights, if the light isn't near the door, I freak the fuck out.
ever since I had the dream that I was facing the devil with a priest behind me and his hands covering my eyes saying mary full of grace over and over then just saying marymarymarymarymary, I have had to go to sleep with the hall light on.
the dream was all the stranger because I am jewish maybe we need a thread about dreams?
May 10 2006, 05:55 PM
In high school I used to used to lie a lot. I actually told people I had sex w/ several guys just so I wouldn't feel pressure to lose my virginity. No matter how crazy the lies got I never cracked and confessed. No one ever knew I was lieing. Until now my husband is the only person who knows and when I confessed all of the juicy details to him, he was shocked and horrified.
I sometimes wonder if my husband would be mad if I wanted a girlfriend on the side.
I slept with a teddy bear until I 19.
May 10 2006, 06:04 PM
I still sleep with a special pillow.
I ignore the smell of weed when I visit client's homes and am supposed to be looking out for these things.
I am scared that my friends are all going to have children and I will never see them again.
May 10 2006, 06:20 PM
Ginger I also slept with a bear until I was around 20. Her name is Green Bear, and I couldn't sleep without knowing where it was. (I don't remember my exact age).
I drool tons when I sleep.
I love looking at my vagina in the mirror, I thinks it is the greatest.
May 10 2006, 06:22 PM
I still sleep with a teddy, a tweetie-pie, unless I'm in bed with the boy and I'm cuddling him.
baby steps ... this is becoming easier ... confessions prompted by others and jumping on the bandwagon helps.
I can't talk about blood or veins or hearts pumping because then I feel the blood flowing through my fingers and I begin to pulsate; it's doing it now and I'll need to stop typing and hold them to make them stop.
My suicide attempt was and always will be the biggest mistake of my life, and the one that causes the most pain.
missladyj, there's a dream thread in media_whores.
May 10 2006, 08:35 PM
I didn't get a cat until I was 27 because I was secretly afraid I would be cruel to it. I have never harmed an animal but every time I looked at kittens to adopt I had nightmares for weeks that I beat them with a baseball bat. Vivid, terrifying nightmares because in them I didn't feel anger or any emotion at all.
When I woke up I would cry.
I've never told anyone.
May 10 2006, 08:48 PM
i love buttons. especially ones made out of shell, i have a collection of them. i have the opposite of your phobia.
i pretend to be nicer than i really am.
May 10 2006, 08:59 PM
OMFG Doodlebug my partner had that same phobia as a child and struggled hard to overcme it. He once saw a whole jar of buttons and freaked out bigtime.
May 10 2006, 10:25 PM
I still sleep with a bear. And I'm not ashamed of it.