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anna k
Sometimes I get full of myself and think that I'm sexy and pretty and charming and awesome, then I later remember that I'm just ordinary and not as special as I think I am.

Zoya, that is awesome. Go with your gut, cherie.

I worry that I'll be stuck in a so-so job for a long time, and won't be lucky enough to get a better-paying, more advanced position somewhere.

CH, that is funny about that woman, mean as it may sound.

I love that I've been really busy with being social on the weekends and making new friends, but I feel lonely when just alone in my apartment watching TV and stuck with myself.
(((Zoya))) smile.gif
confession: yesterday afternoon, I ditched school assembly* and smoked a bowl at the nearby mall before hopping a bus to my boyfriend's house.

*translation: annual corporate employee info session held in a large, expensive hotel conference room
confession: i've spent an unusual (and unhealthy) amount of time lately obsessing over what type of haircut i want.
is there such thing as an unhealthy amount of time obsessing thinking about your haircut? confession: i think

doodle: pass that sh#t! wink.gif

confession:i'm waiting for the day when i stop caring. honestly, i don't see why i should, why i ever did, or why i still do. i just wish i didn't.

confession:i have a severe hatred of john stossel. i really would enjoy reading his obit. his whole common sense shtick pisses me off every bit, if not more as much as rush. extreme douche baggery.
GT, thanks for indulging my vanity! wub.gif

Oh dude, I can't stand John Stossel. He has no point or argument to his segments. dry.gif

Confession: My mother and I are alot alike until it comes to fashion and haircuts. OMG. I was looking at a black and white jacket when she was trying to be encouraging of the different ways I can wear the jacket. She suggested I could wear the jacket with white shoes. I literally clutched my pearls right there in the store. Not to offend anyone who owns a pair of white shoes, BUT, I have yet to meet a pair of white shoes I would be willing to allow the grace of presence on my feet. Then, as we would walk through the store, she would point out outfits that had horrible prints and cuts. I'm sorry, I'm not the type to lie if I find an outfit hideous, but, I would just say, "Yeah." Today, I was continuing my obsessive rant about my hair when she said there are no bad haircuts. WHAT?!?

At least, I know I got my fashion sense and desire for a good haircut by my equally vain grandparents. Their continued dedication to what they will wear in their 80s (they plan their outfits a day in advance and, more so, for an important event) keep me sane in a world of casualness. wink.gif
confession: I spend way too much time getting distracted by the internet (bust included) and not getting things that I actually WANT to be getting done, done.

I really think it's some kind of self-destructive/self-defeating pattern that I need to break.

I don't know if I'd go so far as to say that I hate John Stossell, but I'm not a fan, that's for sure.

I should be doing house work but instead I am wearing my new high heels and prancing around the house.
misslady: tell me you haven't realised you can do Both at once?
clean and scuff the bottom of your new shoes (to anti-slip them)at the same time ?
I've done that a few times & it certainly makes domestic drudgery more interesting.
ps: disco in the background makes it that much better wink.gif

confession: it is So Hot Here that I am contemplating going by a car dealership tomorro and conning my way into getting to weekend test drive a new suv just so I can have a/c right now.
we Are going to buy something when the mr returns, but that's another few weeks away & I need it NOW.
I broke down and cleaned the bathroom, kitchen, emptied the cat shit, and did a load of laundry all in my heels. Then hubby and I broke them in together. If you catch my drift.
QUOTE(missladyj @ May 10 2009, 12:21 PM) *
I broke down and cleaned the bathroom, kitchen, emptied the cat shit, and did a load of laundry all in my heels. Then hubby and I broke them in together. If you catch my drift.

wink.gif indeed!
my latest addiction: watching episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 on the CBS website, when I should really be being more productive.

I have watched as many as four episodes in a day...but I can't help it! I've lived without TV for so long...and I was never allowed to watch the show growing up, so now I finally know what all the fuss was about. I like the first two seasons the best so far, it seems like it got progressively more stale after that.
Luke Perry and Jason Priestly were so cute in 1991.....sigh.
I've been less stoned off my ass lately than I use to be. I still indulge once every couple weeks though. The thing I've been really into lately is getting stoned then jamming out to bluegrass. It's a sexy experience. OOOOOO baby.

Chris Thile is my sex god. I want him to play me like he does his Mandolin.
Solaria, I went on a Beverly Hills binge for a while.

confession: I would be so lost w/out the music of Metallica in my life.
they inspire and encourage me when I am low (& feeling chicken as was the case today..) & need reminding of my own kickassedness!
I realise that makes me sound about 12 & w/ a crush but I don't care.

ps: I got my tattoo!
oh god. oh god. OMG.

I just wrote an email to a friend, totally venting about my work. Like BAD venting. I'm tired, crabby, and just needed to get my initial pissed off-ness about something that came up, off my chest. It's one of those emails that I write, but I'd planned on just deleting it after I wrote it - instead, I accidentally hit send. Which wouldn't be so bad, except I just realized that I ACCIDENTALLY ADDRESSED IT TO HER OLD WORK EMAIL.

why is this so bad? because my friend used to work with me, and now her old work email address is being used by my boss's assistant.

I'm gonna get fired. shit. shit.



oh god. what have I done? about 5 emails have just popped up in my inbox and I'm too afraid to see what they are. UGH.
((((Zoya)))) Oh dear.

Here's hoping it's not as bad as you think. :-/

You're awesome at your job, they won't want to lose you!

Call the assistant now and apologise - if she's already sent it on, call your boss. And grovel like you've never grovelled before!

*rubs zoya's back*

confession: I am sitting at my desk reeking of sex.

can you contact the asst and tell her you were just blowing off steam?
hi all.... ok, well, I think I managed to do one better... I called my friend who the email was intended for, (who doesn't work there anymore) and asked her to try her password to get into the account, and delete it. It worked. So hopefully, no one saw it. the emails I got before were totally unrelated to my email. so hopefully all is ok.

(the email addy in question is just a generic email addy that they use for "info." I had it in my address book under my friend's name, and it defaulted to that one, instead of her personal addy. that's why someone else uses it, because it's just one of those email addy's that they'll keep forever to do the same thing. I should never have put her name in my address book in conjunction with that email, but oh well.

so hopefully I've emerged unscathed. (fingers crossed)

S-U-C-C-E-S-S that's the way you spell success!!

YAY Zoya!!!
WOOT for zoya!!!!!
I am afraid of the task at hand.

I am afraid of letting go of what I've always known and how I've always been.

I can't continue on the path I'm on or I will destroy myself. Which is why I have to change the above.
culture, you are more than strong enough for this. i know you are. i know you are afraid, but i know you can do it. you will be stronger and better for it. take those baby steps, little bites, don't think about the big picture, or you will keep feeling overwhelmed.

you can do this.
culture phone: ditto what Gt said.
you Are stronger than you know. and competent and capable and scary smart to boot!
sometimes that first step is the hardest but left foot follows right from that point on and just keep going.
you are totally supported here. ((((((((CH))))))))

confession: I cannot believe that the car dealership gave me the jeep for the weekend.
ME ! ohmy.gif biggrin.gif

confession: I will NOT be afraid of the mr's reaction to it. not not not!
culture: what rudder and freck said. you can do this, deets. you can.

confession:i'm already feeling overwhelmed by the film festival. blink.gif funny thing...the movies start next fri.
I'm coming out of about 2 years of working really hard and feeling trapped in a life that isn't mine. Now that everything looks set to change for the better, I realise I have been harbouring a lot of anger and resentment, and now it's all coming out. I understand its existence, and even think it is valid, but I'm torn between being afraid of what I will do or say... and wanting to tell everyone involved to go to hell.
confession: I spent my sunday watching all the DVR recordings of gossip girl and 90210 while eating crap.
I want a bottle of bourbon, I will have to settle for hard cider.
Confession: I feel like I am moving away from the woman I "thought" I would be. I feel like I am moving into the woman I am meant to be. I feel good about that. Change is hard, lots of setting of boundaries, ending of unhealthy relationships, but, I feel the wealth of good friendships in my life and the love of my parents are proof of the positive outcome of it all.

Confession: I've learned the difference between needing and wanting in a relationship. Also, the work I need to do for a healthy relationship.

Confession: While in Boston, I had a Cucumber Collins and I thought about rudder's love of Vodka Collins.
star, that is awesome. hell, you are awesome!
Yup, rudder. The Cucumber Collins included Hendrick’s Gin, Cucumber Soda, and Cucumber Puree. It was delish! A nice summer-y drink.
That drink sounds divine!!! Divine I tells you!!

Too bad I'll be off the vodky for a while. Probably for the best.
Yum! Reminds me of that cucumber martini I got at Silver Cloud when we went there before that book reading, star!
A cucumber collins does indeed sound superb; might try making them this summer...

Confession: My life is very likely to change for the better across the board in two months or so in fundamental ways: a good house move, a great job opportunity. Yet while I'm abstractly excited and grateful for these developments, I seem to be veering between unfocused rage and a kind of despair. I just can't seem to care about most things right now and I keep wanting to tell everyone to just get out of my face already.

Some of this is hormonal but damn if it doesn't feel much bigger than that, it feels existential.

Today's blackness was exacerbated by the fact I've extended--and therefore increased--my current loan. More financial commitment potentially trapping me in the future. *Sigh* Whatever.
confession: women who decorate in cows ( & ducks & pigs, hearts, bows etc) irrationally Annoy me. Bad.
it's like chicks that play softball- I must wear a beacon that is seen only by them "please beat me up" only it's me wanting to do the beating.
oh, freck, i have goose rage.

it's bad. i fly into a horrible rage anytime i see those goddamn geese with bows around their necks. you know like on towels curtains n stuff. i HATE IT. i see red. an ex gf's mom used to actually have a 2ft goose statue outside her door that had seasonal outfits for every month. i so wanted to kidnap it. oh the bad things i had in mind....
Oh cod, LeBoy's mom has one of those cement geese that she dresses up. rolleyes.gif

Most of her decor annoys me. I just don't understand the need to have chotchkies on every wall/surface of your house. I'm far from minimalist, but I try to decorate with things that have personal meaning to me; not just a random piece of mass-produced crap I bought at Bed Bath and Beyond because it matched the couch. In the bathroom that was LeBoy's when he lived there, she had this thing hanging on the wall that's like a basket-woven thing (but not a basket, just flat, but made out of the same...hay?...that they use for baskets) that was painted country blue, had mauve wooden letters that said "BATH" and a little old-fashioned bath tub with flowers... blink.gif why do you need something that says "bath" in the bathroom? In case you pass out drunk and wake up trying to figure out where you are? I was so tempted to just take the damn thing down every time I went in there.

The way she folds her towels on the towel ring drives me crazy and I "fix" it every time I go there.
GT, I totally hear you on the stupid bowtie geese rage. It's always a blue bow, too, at least the ones i've seen. My mother totally was into those little country tchotckes. She covered every fricking horizontal surface with so much crap I nearly went insane sitting in her place because there was no restful place to look.

Polly, LOL on the "bath" had something similar. Like...WTF? And I have to ask does LeBoy's mom fold towels differently from everybody else? Mom didn't do that, as far as I know.

My brothers came to visit and one of them said, "you must not shop much"..I said "why"?? He said "you don't have many knick-knacks". (his wife is a big knick-knack shopper) I said "I'm trying to avoid Mom syndrome!" I like the clean, uncluttered look*. If a shelf is empty it is because I haven't found something special enough to put on it...I'd rather have an empty shelf than one full of junk.

*this is to be said with the caveat that my office/craft room is completely exempt from the clutterfree thing......*


I'm supposed to fly to Memphis tomorrow, to go on vacation. On Northwestern. I'm having sort of a foreboding feeling...usually flying doesn't scare me but I'm a little uneasy about this one.....
Pigs. My mom got into pigs. So I now have a salmon, terra cotta, wine, pig-decorated kitchen. There was a big silver pig statue by the tv that I stuck on the porch the day after she died as a pig in mourning. Sadly, no one has seen fit to steal the goddamned thing yet. And my mom's sister? Cows. She has a B&W hereford kitchen.

I'm gonna have a tchotchkes yard sale in a month. Nothing but trinkets for a dollar. My mom couldn't go into a Hobby Lobby or a Gordman's or a Ross without buying some dumb bit of knickknackery & I hate 95% of it. I like stuff that has meaning or is just weird.
QUOTE(treehugger @ May 20 2009, 05:31 PM) *
Polly, LOL on the "bath" had something similar. Like...WTF? And I have to ask does LeBoy's mom fold towels differently from everybody else? Mom didn't do that, as far as I know.

Ok, imagine a rectangular bathroom hand towel. She folds it in thirds, lengthwise (ok so far- that's what I do, too.) and the guest bathroom has a ring, not a bar to put the towel on. Rather than stick half of the thirded towel through the ring so that there's equal amounts on each side, she folds it in half crosswise sticks the folded half through the ring, so now you've got a towel that's six layers thick shoved through the ring, and there's not nearly enough surface area to properly dry your hands. So I always pull it apart and put it through the correct way.
I hate that sort of crap too and like you guys, I like my knick-knacks to be few and have personal meaning or to be weird.

My thing is cows. Maybe it has something to do with growing up around them and seeing them as smelly, dumb beasts, but I don't understand why people need to decorate with them. I think I would go insane in AP mom's sister's kitchen. decorating theme seems to revolve around skulls and skeletons. I have a few ceramic skulls in my room and at least two shirts with them on. I think they're cool and they remind me that life is short. Plus a few of them are from places I've visited so they do have sentimental value. However, since I can't stand having every surface covered, I try to keep these limited.
Oh, I have a 1/3 scale skeleton, a visible woman, & a weird mini pelvis thing that includes a fetus. And an Easter Island tissue dispenser.
*drools @ aural's invisible woman + mini pelvis, and lilac's skull collection*

i have to admit, i do have a love of kitch. so i guess i'm kind of a hypocrite, right now i collect 2 things (other than records):any asian theme thingy (i live in chinatown, so there is a vague asian theme in my apartment), the other are mary busts (preferably w/o baby jesus) for my shrine. i love a themed apartment. i had a friend who had a sideshow/circus/mortuary theme, and another friend who is into santaria,who has a catholic theme, complete with a 4 foot statue of a saint. all of which i love.

i guess it just bugs me when it's pre-fab, like the geese and the whole shabby chic thing. booo! i think you kinda go wrong when you go with a single animal instead of a theme. mr.t started to do one with roosters... (look, a cock!) ugh. i'll have to put the k-bosh on that one.

as for towels, the 1/3 thing drives me nuts. i'm a simple girl. 1/2 works fine and i don't take a half hour trying to refold the towels and get out of the bathroom. if i was in leboy's mom's bathroom, i'd slit my wrists. my poor little brainsis just couldn't handle it.

my boyfriend and I have very different ideas of what's appealing about kitsch.

I have some framed postcards. A few of them are from art museums and a few of them are oldies from antique stores. I have this one from the early 60s; it's a green background with a photo of a kitten in a basket. It's not some cheesy kitten thing from the 90s- the photo itself looks very 60s. Boyfriend hates it. I keep it on the bookshelf and he's always putting it somewhere else.

Meanwhile, he has this hideous thing made out of basket material. It's shaped like a rooster. I don't know how else to describe it. it looks like something my mom would have had in her house when I was growing up, right next to the kitchen witch and the mini-broom on the wall that had lace and flowers on it. He also has these wooden flying fish that go on the wall, with aluminum fins. To me, that shit isn't kitschy, it's uggo.
oh god... the kitchen witch...
*rummages around her kitchen, finds two forks and gouges her eyes out*

i'm with you tampon (god, i love saying that!) the bf's taste sounds tasteless.
Confession: I like geese, I think they're neat. Not to the point that I'd put them on my front porch and dress them up.

confession: The towel folding description confused me, so I stopped trying to figure it out.

Confession: The meds I'm on are making feel like a bit of a goob. I feel rather strange, high almost, but I don't know if I actually feel good or bad. So strange. I feel wierd, no wait weird? Whatever.

Confession: I'm getting more in touch with my spiritual side, like animal totems and stuff. I'm excited.

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