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oh i didn't say that you didn't get semiotics, i figured you do/did. after all, i think you are supreme. no, you'd just get irritated by my constant talk of film. but i kid. film is my passion, but i talk about other things. but trust me, i know my flaws, and you would be severely irritated by them, after all, they bother me. you wouldn't be bugged by my occasional country music playing, or my wanting to watch ufc, however, my moodiness is legend, i have only a partial sense of mess, although what sense i do have seems to be regulated by the moon. i am only occasionally social, so many of your jaunts, would be solo. although i would love to hear your exploits.

you, on the other hand, are simply fantastic, i love your musical taste, your wit, you sharp tongue, and independence and your ego? ich, can you not tell i would do little but feed it. no, your ego would not be my kryptonite, unless you are the insanely jealous type, and that doesn't sound like the aural i know. the aural i know is restless, and i suspect that you would simply get bored of me. i'd be your kansas, and you'd be craving a denver.
confession: I accidentally shredded someone's lottery ticket this morning here at work! It fell into the machine as I was showing a procedure to a new staffer.

Apparently, although my co-worker has always dreaded the possibility of it happening on her watch, I'm the first one who's ever done this in twenty-whatever years of lotto subscriptions. ohmy.gif

Luckily, it's not a cross-cut shredder. My co-worker and I performed the delicate emergency surgery on my desk, with a good bit of scotch tape.
confession: I emailed the prof of my class this evening saying I had a migraine and would miss class. I'm really staying home to drink champagne and cranberry juice (is there a name for that? besides delicious?) and have a quiet evening at home.
confession: my co-worker at my new job told me specifically NOT to book a gig the weekend of the upcoming work conference out of town. But then Soulman went and booked us a gig for that weekend, and instead of trying to re-arrange the gig at that moment, when I had the chance, I let it slide and accepted the gig that same weekend.

confession: in my heart of hearts, I don't care in the least little way about the possible ramifications of not going to my first ever important work-related event. Not in the least. I was happy - HAPPY - when I heard Soulman had just booked that gig, because it gave me an excuse not to have to go. I danced around outside the bar in glee.
QUOTE(period_monster @ Apr 23 2009, 02:37 PM) *
confession: I emailed the prof of my class this evening saying I had a migraine and would miss class. I'm really staying home to drink champagne and cranberry juice (is there a name for that? besides delicious?) and have a quiet evening at home.

It's called a poinsettia. My local serves them on the weekends, $3.50 until three pm.
Thanks, AuralPoison!
confession: when the mr acts so passive-aggressive (like he did all during dinner & at the store) it seriously makes me want to clot him one.

confession: the friend that is at the coast this week is calling & calling me on my cell tonight.
I was honest w/ her about why I couldn't meet her in Raleigh - leave me alone now!!!!
confession: I am a grown ass woman who still thinks farts are funny

heh- I said ass.
oh I love farts. I have a fart machine hidden in my office and the remote in my desk. fact.

I also have the whoopie cushion widget installed on my dashboard.

confession: my best friend and psychic twin and bass player confessed to me this morning that he almost kissed me last night.

confession: I was attracted to him from the very first time I met him, but he was with someone then.

confession: I am with someone now. Who is also the lead guitarist in the band with us.

confession: this isn't the first time one of us has confessed something like this to the other, except last time it was me.

confession: I will always love both of them.

confession: I told him that I thought maybe the universe had thrown us together so that each of us could learn to love someone of the opposite sex without sexualizing the love.

ETA confession: I just burned the pot cookies while writing the aforementioned confessions.
I could have sent this into postsecret.
CH - oh, I am so with you on that.
I saved that postcard on my computer, but mine would read "People I love" and "People I love fucking."
confession: I sometimes make assumptions about people based on the colour of their skin.

confession: I think this is partly because all of my close friends are white.

confession: I worry about what this means - do I really only meet white people, or do I choose to only be-friend white people?

confession: Sometimes when I meet people of different ethnic backgrounds, I think 'yes! if I become friends with you then that will make me not racist!'. Then I think that this is racist because I was just thinking about the colour of their skin, and not them as a person. Then I don't end up talking to them because I can't stop thinking about race.

confession: Reading the above, it's amazing that I have any friends at all.

confession: Now I've got the song "Everyone's a little bit racist' from Avenue Q stuck in my head.
Christine Nectarine
...slightly OTT, but...

Persiflager, deconstructing our own internalized-racism (and we pretty much all have it to varying degrees, whether we admit it or not) is important, and very hard work. The fact that you are thinking about it is not racist in itself. If you’re truly up for the challenge of confronting racism internally as well as outwardly, you’ll figure it out. Facing this myself (as a white woman with middle class upbringing who thought of herself as non-prejudiced) for the first time a couple years ago was eye-opening. Making these posts is a good start!
2nding Christine Nectarine that thinking about these things is the important part. Good for you.
I've recommended the book Witnessing Whiteness before in a different thread, but I'll just throw it out there again because I've found it so helpful to unpack the layers in conversations and interactions around race.

QUOTE(Persiflager @ Apr 27 2009, 09:41 AM) *
confession: Sometimes when I meet people of different ethnic backgrounds, I think 'yes! if I become friends with you then that will make me not racist!'. Then I think that this is racist because I was just thinking about the colour of their skin, and not them as a person.

Good catch!

Then I don't end up talking to them because I can't stop thinking about race.

I still find myself making assumptions about people based on their colour and I've been learning about this stuff for yikes over a decade now. Doesn't the race of the person recede into the background once the conversation gets going and they show more of who they are as a person?

I don't mean to start an inquisition on you, just curious. If you felt like engaging, we could move to a different thread. If not, no worries.

Back on topic -

confession: I have mild hair-pulling tendencies, and recently I thought I was managing it evenly enough, but then mr anarch looked at me a few days ago and asked, "Have you been pulling hairs out of your right eyebrow?" "Er....Yeah. I guess I should stop, huh?" "Yeah, you probably should!"

I knew it was a bit patchy but I thought it wasn't that obvious. Oh well.

Another confession: I love farts, too. Sometimes I fart and within 5 seconds mr anarch farts back, or vice-versa. He refers to it as "our mating call".
confession: after my last post in here, I spent the evening with both men in question, getting our band photos done and trying out the recording equipment. And as I watched them, I thought what a beautiful relationship they have, what a beautiful relationship we all have, how they obviously love each other in their own way.....and I wondered, why can't I have both? Why can't I have both of them, why can't we all have each other, together?

confession: last night, after I got home, I got to thinking about it, and I got such a rush. I couldn't stop thinking about it, I got so.....I mean, I LOVE them both. Just the thought of being able to love both of them make love with both of them, to love them, all three of us loving one another, and have it be okay with everybody.......

confession: I'm really confused. And I'm just making it worse for myself by perpetuating these thoughts of loving two men.

confession: the crazy thing is, I know one of them would probably go for it totally.
*secretly hopes that doodle can have her own triad, cos she's awesome!*

i saw a Brazilian movie years ago about a tranny who had two boyfriends, and they had this great relationship...*sigh* i for one think that would be just lovely doodle. just luuuuuuverly.
QUOTE(auralpoison @ Apr 22 2009, 02:03 PM) *
Confession: I'm terrified to NOT be alone. I'm the one that I believe in. Anybody else is suspect.

All I want is to think this way when I grow up.
Christine Nectarine
Confession: my only client appointment this morning cancelled on me, and I’m so relieved

Confession: I’m spacing out, as per usual
confession - there is this innocent little girl inside of me, but I don't know how to let her show just as equally to everyone, all the time, as the tough girl. The tough girl is who's gotten me through life. I've only ever let the little girl show once I know people a lot better, and they get really suprised, often confused, and sometimes weirded out. I don't know how to integrate the two so that I own it all, all the time. I'm trying, and I'm scared.
I kissed a girl....aaaaaaaaand I liked it :D
humanist: it is rather nice isn't it? wink.gif good for you !

confession: I hate that internally I respond to the mr's passive/aggressive crazy shit behavior like some sort of wounded abused animal sometimes. I understand where my reaction is coming from & recognize that it's instinctive & sometimes want to just stand up & shout : for fucks sake! I WAS ABUSED WHEN I WAS LITTLE & HELL IF I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS SHIT FROM SOME LITTLE PISSANT LIKE YOU !!
my therapist (who has hinted before maybe I need to start thinking about realities here..) would probably encourage me to do just exactly that- or at least ask me what I think would happen if I did ?
maud but it's a mess bc when he's not crazy he's pretty freaking wonderful.
I know I know. sad.gif

confession: I am counting the hours til he leaves on another trip. frecklette & I get some purely stress-free time.
confession ps: those of you who know me on crackbook will never see me confess w/ such honesty as I do here.
I'm married to an American Commando Hero don't you know? dry.gif

confession: I strongly resent that my past casts such a long chilling shadow on my current Present.
as I'm still excavating my past I know it's neccessary, but I HATE feeling weak and powerless!!!!!
confession, i could have written the same post, freck...ok, except the being married to an american commado hero. but i'm more honest here, and i hate feeling like i'm so much less than the boy version of myself. it's suffocating.

my dizzy spells have returned.

confession:i honestly don't want a doctor. i like my nurse practitioner, and i always end up hating my doctors.

confession: i should have had myself tested for a peanut allergy last time i was at the docs.

I am insanely jealous of people who love their job, because I certainly don't.

I can't see that much into the future anymore.

As much of an alpha female as I am, and I don't threaten, I can totally relate to zoya's post about having a little girl inside me, I don't like to show it. I know how you feel about that.

I fear I'll never meet anyone, but right now I don't want anyone. Well, that's not entirely true. I'd like someone to be there when I'm sad, just to hold me and comfort me, to hug me.
I am SOOOO checked out at my job. I still have about 2 months before I actually leave the U.S. for Taiwan and about a month before I'm done here. Yet I spend at least a 1/3 of my time at work surfing the expat forums, looking for travel ideas, basically thinking about the future and not the present.

I feel doubly bad about this because a bunch of my coworkers just got cut down to part time, and a few fully laid off. Which leads me to my next confession -- I kind of wish I was one of them! (And wonder, why wasn't I?! I spend at least a 1/3 of my day fucking around!!! But my boss is a total asshole who treats his employees like shit, therefore I think my actions are justified...)
not so much a confession as just pondering..

..why the hell is it that you always meet someone you'd love to get to know better, just before you're leaving the city you've been in for the last month? goddammit.

I had to google Sailor Jerry's and I now have about ten new ideas for tattoos, a few dresses I want to buy and a bunch of other stuff I really can't afford and shouldn't want. The rum looks very good too. laugh.gif

This is despite the fact that I have to deposit a bunch of spare change to cover a check I wrote.

ETA: Same reason why you can't meet anyone interesting who lives in same time zone as you, zoya. Or who wants a relationship and not friendship, or who you want as a lover and not a friend. The love gods can really be troublesome. dry.gif

I think I'm just going to settle on being a spinster from now on...
mmmm... sailor jerry, coke, and a twist of lime. yummy yummy.

the love gods are retarded, I'll definitely give you that one, lilac. I wonder if I could put "spinster" as my status on facebook... wink.gif
confession: I spend and inordinate amount of time on hair removal
confession: I spend and inordinate amount of time on hair removal

you and me both, sister. :/
confession: under threat of flight, I got the mr to agree to see my therapist.
I'm hopeful but wary.

confession: I often drive by houses that are attractive & well kempt & wonder then assume that whomever lives there is happy.

confession: I am fighting to keep my heart joyful & my soul strong.

confession: I am stealthily starting to morph my living spaces into hippy bohemia; the bright floral papa san was just Phase One. cool.gif
"Spinster" for a Facebook status sounds awesome, zoya. laugh.gif

I tend to get ridiculously horny around the time of my period too, rudderless, so I understand.

I sometimes wonder if my subconscious is trying to sabotage my job search. I accidentally spelled something wrong on an application and sent it off before I realized what I did wrong. I sent them an email apologizing, but things like that piss me off. It feels like I have enough strikes against me for finding work, coming across as an uninformed fool doesn't help.
confession: ever since Soulman caught me sneaking a cigarette in the john a couple of weeks ago, he's been expressing worry about what other secrets I'm hiding.

confession: last night, Soulman's (hitherto unknown to me) jealousy over my friendship with the Anarchist reared its ugly head. It more than reared its ugly head. He picked a fight and then it escalated into him asking if I wanted to be with the Anarchist, and detailing all the things he thinks he's seen pass between us, and how I was always talking to HIM, going to HIS house, happy to see HIM, etc.

confession: I told him I didn't want anyone but him. I told him the Anarchist was my dear friend, and more like a brother to me than my own brother, and in fact, what I talked about most with the Anarchist was Soulman, and our relationship. Even specific incidents he'd pointed to, where I was spending all this time with the Anarchist, I was able to say, "Dude, I was talking about YOU."

confession: I realized as I said it, it was all true. The Anarchist is just a fantasy in my head, like I am in his - the classic fantasy of making love with your best friend. In real life, we would probably kill each other.

confession: I think I needed that smack in the head to make me understand how I could really hurt the people I love with my carelessness and greed.

confession: I also told Soulman about my financial mess - the one thing that is causing me furtive anxiety these days - and told him that now he knew everything about me. No more secrets.
QUOTE(freckleface7 @ Apr 30 2009, 08:12 PM) *
confession: I am fighting to keep my heart joyful & my soul strong.

Keep up the good fight. Know that I am rooting for you. Also know that I can totally understand being tired of fighting too. *sigh*

confession: I think the Universe is teaching me a sweet and perverse lesson in patience. dry.gif I feel like I can't plan on anything or be the reliable person I pride myself on being until things settle down with school right now. That really pisses me off. Fucking patience! *shakes fist in the air*

confession: I tend to make alot of bombastic statements which leads me to believe that people should only listen to about 30% of what I say. But, dude, when I'm in that 30% zone, I'm on it. (Was that grandiose? laugh.gif )

confession: When I'm in that 30% mode and the neurotransmitters are actually firing and connecting, I usually don't remember what I say afterwards. blink.gif

rudder, dude, i hear you. i get off some many times a day when i'm horny in the pms phase. overshare? blink.gif

missladyj, my whole life has been a dedicated to the taming of my body hair.

zoya, i thought i mentioned that i'm bringing spinster back. but, i want to make it cool. i think spinsters get a bad rep.

confession: speaking of relationships....ok. i'll admit it. i'm pissed and jealous that the ex got into a relationship (they've been together for 4 years) not long after we broke up. it doesn't feel fair. i was the more responsible one and the one who wanted a committed relationship. 5 single years later. ok. childish rant over. i just wanted to stomp my feet this once about it.

i'm off to nap.... (Yeah, I am THAT childish. wink.gif )
Confession: I'm seriously thinking of changing MY facebook status to "spinster" now, even though it was Zoya's idea. Just because I love it. I won't though. Just because.
confession: i wish court was in session on mondays. i'm enjoying jury duty so much more than my real job. if there was such a position as professional juror, i'd be on that shit like white on rice.
= where did the sin bin go? I did a search but came up empty??? =

grrrrrl: I'vw always wanted to do jury duty too just out of curiosity to see how things work 1st hand but as we don't physically live in the state we legally reside in, it's unlikely.

SIN: procrastination
antisin: just as soon as I get off here, I'm going to make Blue's big snip appt & Frecklette's for her allergies.
doing it right................................. now....................
I bumped the Sin Bin for you, freck- you've gotta do the "Search: All" thing at the bottom.

Make those appointments! *tapping foot impatiently*

Confession: A girl-crush of mine from high school, who I haven't seen in years, friended me on Facebook and I'm swooning, but paranoid that I'll commit some social faux pas and make an ass of myself. Just like high school. rolleyes.gif
Confession: I am creeped out by flaccid penii. I thought it was just the fake soft ones that the drag kings wear, but it's not. Any flaccid penis squicks me. They're just . . . weird looking & feeling. And now that I've seen the tininess of the Naked Wizard's penis, I'm even more freaked. I couldn't even look at my fella & laugh at his hung nudity over the weekend because all I could think about was, "My god, I take that thing in my mouth when it's not lookin' happy?! ACK!" We were asleep & I woke up crazy early I felt his cock & balls on my thigh & wanted to scream.
thank you much polly!
and I Did make the appts, or Blue's anyway.
confession: it's gonna cost us about $350** for his SNIP bc I'm having the rest of his shots & annual heartworm test etc at the same time as it is too difficult for me to try to take him to Ft Bragg where I can get everything but the surgery done cheaper. terrible I know, but he's so derned strong I literally can hardly walk him & am technically not even supposed to by dr's orders for my back.
it's getting it done and that's what matters.

no answer at the dr's for frecklette, will try tomorrow for sure.

ap: back in my virginal days, I had a friend who described her boyfriend's penis when it was flacid & how she used to play with it.. she said she'd roll it up & let it unroll itself right back out again- I always imagined kinda like one of those blow on party favors?
now I think about it & think " damn. he had enough to roll up like that ?!"
(later on when I very briefly aimiably dated (but didn't sleep with) him myself, she & I also nicknamed him "table leg" bc the hell if I 1st realised what THAT WAS that was pressing against me! he eventually married a totally tightassed religious girl who likely doesn't recognize the wonderous thing she has. pity.)

confession: I'm in the confessions thread but feel muchly like I have Sinned! wink.gif

I told the first guy I slept with I thought his hard penis felt like a rubber turd because I'd never touched one before. I might have mentioned his soft penis felt like some other rubber toy.

Confession: I am ready to throw in the towel with my career path and do something I don't feel passionate about. I can't seem to get hired, can't seem to make connections and it is frustrating me to the point of tears.

uh, aural, strangely enough, i was thinking the same thing. honestly, i don't have an aversion to "my lil' frien'" like some t-girls, i like her quite a bit. but they ARE weird looking.
confession: I think I have nearly decided on my next tatoo (!!!) after seeing a woman at Target today: on the top of a foot (left?) slightly to the right side. something tiny, like smaller than a dime, and very dainty, like an orchid pink lotus maybe?
I didn't get a good look at the woman's tat. but just the location & it's size hit me like " YES!"
it's been more than 10 years already sinse I got my first one & I've been in internal debate for what to get next ever sinse.
I'm thinking this is just very.. ~zen~ so am going to look up tatoo pictures right now!

confession: I'm thinking that would be a way super cool Mother's Day gift for myself but am wondering at the propriety at taking frecklette with me to a tatoo parlor?

confession: I hereby remove my name from the candidates for Mother of the Year. laugh.gif
Confession: it's taken me six weeks to have the desire to go down on my new boyfriend.
I can safely say that if I never go down on a guy again, I can die happy.

Getting fucked is fine, but AZ Guy was a jerk about oral sex and it pretty much wrecked it for me.
Freckle - dude, loads of tattoo parlours these days look like fucking SPAS. Everyone has a tattoo. Pick a cool, hip studio who does custom art - not some scary biker place - get it done, and take frecklette along. She'll feel close to you and also super cool. (I wish my mom was cool enough to do that stuff!)

confession - I'm gonna make a great big change in location. one that's gonna kinda shock some people, not so much others. I don't care. My gut says so. And my gut is never wrong. Even if it is scary. (anyway, not like I'm doing it overnight or anything)
zoya: the place I'll go back to really honestly Does look like a biker bar, and one that Hell's Angels would frequent at that; but it's probably the best in town & why knock tradition? altho from their website the guy that did my 1st (& the shop namesake) is either retired or has sold out- a sadness either way as he was the Best.
however, there were 2 artists that had their work shown at the site & I liked both quite a lot so still feel pretty good about it and keep staring at my foot rather longingly now.. squee! biggrin.gif

follow your gut Zoya, that takes such.. rockin'ness.
you are totally inspiring !
Freck, I say go for it, I've given my mother the option of me paying for her ink for mothers day.

Zoya, I say do it! I'm the same way, my instinct is never wrong. Not that my word is the be all end all.

Confession, there is this woman who wants to fuck a very good friend, so I did some crackbook stalking and found her, and then I laughed. It is in my opinion that she is a highly unattractive woman, and then I laughed some more. then some more.

Confession: I'm a bit of a bitch for thinking this. But seriously, if Ace Frehley had a child and it was born with his full make up, this is what she looks like.

Confession: I'm starting to feel slightly normal again, but when I have "normal" days, I'm afraid of the emotional crash that lurks around the corner. With that said, it should be all done soon because of the new job which is tentatively scheduled to start June 1. YAY!
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