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tyger, i know it sucks when stuff you think is your little secret gets out to "the masses" as you put it, but think of it this way: tegan and sara are awesome; they deserve the recognition and the admiration for their great music. and "the masses", as much as we with the secrets may think they're philistines, deserve to hear and experience great music smile.gif everybody has to discover their favorites somehow

confession: i'm TERRIFIED to put in my two weeks notice on monday, even though it's what i want and even though i want to move onto new things. i feel horrifically guilty and my boss is not the kindest person when she thinks she's been wronged. i know i'm "pulling the cart" in the graphics department, and i feel like i'll be letting everyone down by quitting. i also feel presumptuous and guilty that i am leaving while my other coworkers are staying yet complain as bitterly as i do about the job....but on the other hand, i don't see them doing anything to get out of the situation.


ETA: pm'ed ya, aqua
((mouse)) I know you know this, but you can't be responsible for the choices other people make, whether it's having a hissy-fit when your best employee quits or your co-worker who's been picking up your slack leaves you behind.

It sounds like you're making the right choice and you should be happy and proud of yourself!
This morning my boyfriend said that he thinks he's getting a fat tummy because he's been eating a lot lately and not working out.

He's nowhere even close to being fat but secretly I am thrilled because I'm hoping 1) he will start to work out again and get hotter and 2) maybe he won't have so much junky crap around the house, which is good for me because I can't resist food and even though I'm not fat either I am terrified of gaining an ounce.

I feel like an asshole.
When I see women drink at the bar and that they are sick from drinking, I think they are amateurs. And I can handle my liquor much better.
I hate it when my mother in law comes over uninvited/unexpected after I get off work and ruins my peaceful after work time. Especially today, becuase she only stopped by to kill time before going somewhere, and didn't even attempt conversation. It was awful.

confession: it may be because I've been sick and have had nothing better to do all this time, but I'm a little bit addicted to the Anna Nicole Smith Post Mortem Train Wreck. The people involved are proving to be so deceitful, greedy, and fucked up, that it's more fascinating than any soap opera could ever be. (And yet I had zero interest in ANS when she was alive.)

*hangs head in shame*

It's like that time my (now ex) girlfriend and I were driving along the highway, and there was this big accident, with wrecked vehicles and a motorcycle driver's blood and guts everywhere. The RCMP were directing traffic, which was creeping along really slowly. The ambulance had not yet arrived. My g/f kept telling me not to look, and I didn't want to, b/c I was a new driver then and I knew it would freak me out (which my g/f also knew would happen). She did a running monologue, telling me where to direct my eyes, and where not to, so I wouldn't have to see "it." And yet, and yet, and yet. When we had passed "it," I could not help sneaking a glance into the driver's side mirror....
i wish bad things on people who have wronged me.
not really really bad. not like cancer and death.
but still ... bad enough. divorce. loneliness. job loss.

i long to be the type of person who rises above and MOVES THE FUCK ON.
I, too, wish bad things on people who have wronged me. I also gloat when I do better than they do. No, not to their face. But secretly. The most childish thing I do is to Google Fight them. I'm 31 going on 13.
at least once a month, one of my co-workers, who's a real bitch to me unless she wants a cigarette or her normal partner in crime is off that day, calls in sick, and because she inevitably does it when i'm working the opposite shift, i have to go home after two or three hours of already working since the buttcrack of dawn, come back in the afternoon, and chug rockstar by the gallon to stay til midnight closing, cause i'm the back-up, and that's what i do. she did it again this morning, and for once my boss worked something else out because they needed me too badly in the department i was covering today. but i really really really hope that this is going to be the one time too many that gets her moody, lazy ass fired. so i can have her job. does that sound horrible? cause i don't feel bad about it at all.
I also wish bad things upon people who have wronged me.

Doodle I know what you mean about the ANS thing.
I wish bad stuff on people who have done me wrong, too. But I justify it by considering 'they will get thiers' or karma will come back on them. Which really doesn't seem so bad.
when I am most tempted to take revenge into my own hands at people who have wronged me, I verbally remind myself that whatever energy is put out into the world, comes back to that person in kind, therefor, karma will balance it out in time.

however, that doesn't mean I don't wish the scales of justice warspeed and have to really stay on myself to not get too carried away w/ my fantasies of what I hope will happen to them... bc that makes me just as guilty sad.gif

our realtor subscribed the seller of our home (when we were buying) to lots and lots of male gay porn sites & product samples bc he was such a butthole in the process, and I did nothing.
I only pray it is the gift that keeps on giving bc of all the shitty things we've continued to discover that are structurally wrong w/our home.

every time we get yet more mail for former occupants that aer now dodging bills by still using our address, I struggle w/ myself not to just pitch it instead of forward it. ( I don't always do the right thing either.) it's like I am being continually tested and damnit, it gets old!
Lately, I really just wanna fuck. But I know i'll be sad if I just sleep with someone.

After 13 years, my cat has finally started sleeping in my lap and it makes me ridiculously happy.
i'm begining to think i'm useless.
I completely forgot that there are only 28 days in the month of February. It totally slipped my mind. One of those basic facts that you learn when you're, like, 5 years old and I totally forgot. Which means that one of my bill payments may be late. Ugh.

I want a cat or a dog sooooooooo badly!!!! I like where we are living, but I'm seriously thinking about not renewing the rental agreement because I want to move someplace where I can finally get a cat or a dog. This is ridiculous because I hate moving (it's so expensive & such a pain in the butt), but I want a fur baby, dammit!!!
I think that most people find me far more interesting when I'm drunk.
whenever I pass roadkill still in the road, I say a little apology to the spirit of it, even for things like opposums and such.

rosev: move. it's worth it to have that sweet little furry face welcoming you when you come home.
our golden retriver (who takes a big space due his size) is the Best Welcome Wagon every time I come back, even if I've just been gone a minute. it's incredibly gratifying & humbling to feel such constant love. and my kitty girl (currently in kennel confinement for her broken leg) is the Princess of our universe (next to frecklette of course!). I actually am finding myself not sleeping as well at night right now bc I'm so used to having her curled up next to me.
.. you won't be sorry if you adopt a baby. (but please, if you can and are so inclined, go to a no-kill, or heck even a regular shelter ( & save a Life) to adopt!)
I think that humans should go extinct, we are fucking things up so bad. I think the course of humans is just about up.
I talk way too much about myself. I don't do it on purpose, but I have noticed I do it mostly when I'm talking to someone new - in my head I think that "ok, I'm telling them stuff about me that shows I can relate to what they're telling me" but instead, I'm realizing it probably comes across as self-absorbed and like I'm trying to one-up them. I really don't like it and I'm sure it's a turn off. And it doesn't show who I really am. I don't have anything to prove, so I don't know why I feel the need to do that. - I want to be a better listener.
culture, there is a well known psychic who says that humans are down to about their last 90 years.
give you any hope?

I confess to having vehicular issues w/ speed.
I have a beliefe that every car in my path needs to clear the f-off the roads so I can get to where I need to be.

once I was proud of being told that I "drive like a man" but just realised that I'm a Woman and DAMNIT, This Is How I Drive so bugger that!

I also confess to not liking an awful lot of people (as in the mass of humanity in general) most of the time and prefer my solitude and animals and books to having to interact sometimes.
this scares me that I really will become the neighborhood (or beach if I am fortunate) crazi ole cat lady hermit.
I confess, a lady that I can't stand at work got a god awful haircut, and it tickles me. I mean so bad that everone at work is talking about how bad it looks, and I am eating it up!

I confess, I was standing next to a lady with really nice boobs and a seriously low cut shirt and I snuck a peak down her shirt to check out the ladies. I am a perv.

I confess, I am so glad that it is Friday. Even though I really have no plans for the weekend, it has just been an exhausting week and I thought it would never end.
my pda is full of smutty romance novels.
i just passed up an opportunity to party with nutsogalpal, who i really miss. but she was off to get coke with her cokehead friend, and i know i'd do it with them. it's been over a year (except for one slip in december) but i still can't even be around it.

but i REALLY REALLY wanted to say yes. and now i'm bumming fiercely.
Mando, you're a stronger person than I am! I'm pretty sure that had I been in your shoes, I'd have succumbed to the temptation. But you definitely did the right thing.

Confession: My doctor put me off work for another month, even though my depressed mood is finally abating. However, I did just have 2 breast lumps removed in the space of one week (i.e. two separate surgeries), so my doctor figured that between the physical and mental stress of that, I'd need more time off from work. I didn't argue, and I'm going to try and make the most of my work-free month. Disability checks, here I come! Yippee! rolleyes.gif
((((((mando))))) you keep on amazing me sweetie.

it sounds as if your dr is pretty smart ratgrl, enjoy that disabilitly time smile.gif I hope you are ok?

I confess: to having this weird sort of compulsion for coloring in words in ads in my phone book when I look something up. you can flip thru it and tell where I've been due, but it's only the open outline words, not the ones solidly filled w ink already.
confession: whenever I am driving, I always wish I had one of those LED marquees on the top of my car, and a keypad on the dashboard, so that I could type messages to other drivers. Messages like: "Get the fuck out of the fastlane, slowass!" or "The bigger the SUV/pickup truck, the smaller the penis!" or "If you don't stop tailgaiting me, I'll stop really suddenly and it'll be on YOUR insurance if you hit me!"
Doodle, I have wished for exactly that as well, and with the right skills, it could be done-but it can't be legal-think of all the accidents that would cause!
I found a spiral-bound book once of bold-printed signs you could hold up to other drivers.

I've considered making my own- "Hang up and drive" (though someone could use that one on me, on occasion rolleyes.gif ) "Get your ass out of the fast lane" (that would need to be printed backwards so they could read it in the mirror) And some positive ones- "thank you for scooting up so I can turn right on red" "love your bumper sticker!" "sorry for cutting you off!!"

Oh, and I'm seriously considering having a custom-made bumper sticker done, or suggesting it to that says, "Not intimidated by your SUV"
OMG, doodle, I've so often wished for EXACTLY the same thing! I even tried describing it to friends once, until they started backing away slowly and reaching for tranquilizer darts.....I do have a Happy Bunny flip chart propped up in the back of my car, so if you walk by you get to read things like "You Suck Big Time" and other happy missives. It's just not the same, though....
I'm having recurring fantasies about an alternate life I could be living right now somewhere else in a nicer flat, with less staid friends generally having more fun than I am here.

I think I understand why I'm feeling this way but it's a strong tug, albeit to something that is not real. I'm kind of indulging it too.

(((Mando))) Good for you!
Doodle, I would also love that!

(((mando))) good for you!

(((ratgrl))) I hope you are okay!

Freckle, this does give me hope!

Confession, I stopped smoking weed for the new man. I think he is truly worth it. Although I really want some. It's been a little while since I had some, but it was making me feel sluggish, and now that I am working out and going to take supplements I don't want to smoke for a while, so the man was just the final push I needed.
I confess - in the Morning.....
I almost rammed into the back of an suv today.
1 lane road, no way to go around her, she was speeding up and slowing d o w n, speeding up a little Again, and then s l o w i n g d o w n,, all while drifting too.

I punched the accelerator and was picking up speed but tapped my brakes about 2 feet from her bumper.

she never even noticed.

I confess - in the Afternoon...
I got into a verbal altercation w/ a man driving a huge ford f-150 truck.
I was signaling to merg into the left turn lane, and out of NOWHERE, this big bully of a truck comes flying up behind me and almost wipes me off the road.
I start screaming at my rearview window, using my Whole Arms to say Do
MIND?!? (fucker)

and he backs off and gets behind me, Right on my bumper of course, yells something at me I can't understand ( I don't speak Caveman) so I flip him off and yell out my window for him to back the fuck off.

GRRRRRRR !!!!!!!!

had we been at a stopped red light I really do believe I'd have jumped out of my car and attacked him.
seriously,. what an asswhipe.

I am convinced that this area has an abnormally high concentration of Bad Drivers.

I confess to being pretty sure I have Road Rage and need to know- is there an actual Treatment for it bc I'm afraid I'm going to have a stroke behind the wheel of my car at this rate.
if I die this way, no one who knows me will be suprised.
Confession exclusive to Midwestern Mamas: I went into Macy's today. It sucked. Bad me.
confession expressly for humanist, and it's a cringey one:

i was friends with your boyfriend in college*. i know this because i snooped on the busties myspace community page and recognized your pic from the pics you've posted here, and then recognized him in your pics, EVEN THOUGH i steadfastly refuse to join the community despite having an active myspace profile, because i like staying relatively anonymous and would prefer real life folks didn't follow me in here. i know, hypocrite and a half.

confession for anyone else on the bustie myspace community:

i've probably looked through your profile


*either that or he has a really accurate doppelganger, but last i heard he'd ended up in chicago so unless there are two of him in the same town, which would be even creepier than me looking at your page, it's the same dude
That's so funny, mouse! Did you know him at the school in western MA? (If you didn't pick up my "confession" in kvetch recently, I'm humanist's sister)

I lurk in people's myspace's too- mostly people I went to high school with, even if I didn't like them. I don't have my high school listed on mine, so they can't find me. The last time I looked, a few of them had set their pages to private, so now I'm all paranoid that they ran that program that tells you who's looking at your page, and they're like, "why is that weird girl from high school looking at my page?" and if I go to my reunion next year I'll be ostracized....y'know, more than I was in high school.
wow-what a small world! There's really no mistaking that large, chiseled face-and the giant, Jewish nose, his neanderthal brow-ah, he's gorgeous..I'll PM you~

I don't think either of you have to worry about looking at profiles. If anyone who is on myspace (and even most who aren't), say that they haven't looked through profiles of old or current aquaintences or friends, they're LYING. And to this date, I don't think there is a tracking program in existence that works-I think Myspace tries to keep that from happening.
A small part of me wants to change my name when I get married solely because my boyfriend's last name is more fun to sign than mine. It's got a "gh" in the middle and it's a nice loop-de-loop to make. Mine ends with an "rs" and I always end up scrawling those letters, and it looks crappy.
I've done shit all in terms of work today!
I have developed a Vaporub addiction. It started the first time my mother slabbed a big glob of it under my nose around age 2, and continues on to this day.

Myspace quite honestly, makes a stalking real easy and kind of acceptable. I have looked up all kinds of folks from my past and present, I'm sure everyone does. I wouldn't feel bad or anything, its normal to be curious. It's only wierd if someone checks out the same profile like hundred times or everyday and literally stalks some else.
i CANNOT WAIT to go home and play super nintendo
I want a bigger apartment, or even a house, just so I can have all my books out and not have the vast majority in storage. I have an account on LibraryThing and got really depressed when I realized two of my most popular tags are "in storage-MN" and "in storage-AZ."

I'm not a neat freak, nor am I a very organized person, this drives my boyfriend crazy, and I think he's lost respect for me because there is no way in hell I can be as organized as him or his mom. I'm more likely to pick up everything once a day, do it all at one time, while he insists that it be done as you go along.

Actually, I think the relationship would work out better if he would realize that I am not his mom. (He isn't expecting me to take care of him; it's just that she is extremely organized, extremely tidy, and a bit of a drill sargent. I am none of these things.)

I spent my lunch break job searching.

I still want to blow an entire paycheck at either a book store or a record store.
If I am stressed out at work I'll rub my VCH against my pants and get off. So I'll be sitting moving my hips to make me happy. Of course, then I am excited, which causes frustration. biggrin.gif
My older sister made my day yesterday. We have never been very close, but we have been working on that lately. And she is 10 years older than me, so she has always treated me like a kid. But yesterday she called me and asked me for advice. It's kind of small thing, but her coming to me adult to adult, and letting me my opinion was important to her meant a lot to me. I was so happy.
I don't miss a relationship so much as I miss having someone to punctuate the end of my days. There's no way to tell myself, Okay, it's time to sleep now, if I haven't heard someone share a moment of insight, or worry, or - I don't know - humanity(?).

I miss a nightly sense of connection.
I can be such a fool.
Confession: I finally tried a Green & Black chocolate bar last night, after everyone here has been raving about them....I was unimpressed. Maybe it's because I got the almond one and there were actually too many almonds- I don't think the almond:chocolate ratio is good. Maybe I'll try another one.
Raisin, sometimes I still think I should have pushed harder to get (paid, secure) work in radio production/presentation. Instead I got sick of the fact the radio gigs I did weren't paying my bills so decided to do a Ph.D (because that's secure!). I like academia but wonder if I'll be saying 'what if?' in years to come.
polly, I do't love G&B either; although I'm not a huge dark chocolate fan. their white chocolate with vanilla is lovely albeit slightly sickly.

raisin, that's my dream: to do my creative writing master's degree; maybe someday.

confession: instead I'm going into teaching and I'm not a huge fan of teenagers. well, that's a bit of an understatement if truth be told. however, I need a career, I need security and to settle down with my boy and teaching will allow me the mobility and flexibility to do that. writing is still my dream.
anna k
I am depressed about the state of the world. The ice caps are melting, and in 15-20 years coastal cities will be underwater and there will be worldwide chaos and drownings and suicides. Even though RFK Jr. and Laurie David and Al Gore are trying their best, it feels futile. Humans have fucked up the world and we are going to pay for it. I feel miserable, like there isn't much time left or things will only be getting worse. No matter how much I walk, recycle, reuse, turn off water faucets (I hate being in public bathrooms and hearing the facuet running when nobody is using it), it doesn't feel like enough, like we're on borrowed time. This is horrible and depressing and terrible. When this worldwide catastrophe happens all at once, I will want to die.
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