Dec 11 2006, 02:08 PM
confession: I got my (expected) notice of layoff on Friday, and I haven't been able to stop singing ever since. Loudly, proudly, and joyously.
Dec 12 2006, 06:28 AM
I confess that I really miss *s*n*o*w and am having a hard time feeling holiday-y when it is up in the high '60's.
Dec 12 2006, 11:50 AM
QUOTE(doodlebug @ Dec 4 2006, 02:18 AM)
confession: I get through mundane tasks by imagining that the CSI team and/or the Without a Trace team is/are investigating my last movements before I disappeared/died under mysterious circumstances.
I get through my morning exercise regimen by pretending it's part of an immunity challenge I have to win on Survivor. Or a particularly demanding leg of The Amazing Race.
(Congrats on your layoff, too.)
I used to have a fear of scaffolding. I still don't like it. There's always bits of wood and metal all crumbling off it, and guys walking around on a platform over my head squicks me out.
And I've heard that sympathetic nausea/vomiting is an evolutionary thing from our cave days -- if one person in a tribe vomited, the others would know that they probably should vomit, too, since they might have ingested the same contaminant that affected the first person. Sadly, I have no source for this nugget of pseudo-science.
Dec 12 2006, 01:37 PM
Freckle, I'd ship you some of my snow if I could. Now it's half-melted and it's gray muddy mush, though.
I hate snow, but I think I'd miss it if I no longer had it.
Dec 12 2006, 02:28 PM
I hate the name Curtis.
Dec 12 2006, 03:03 PM
QUOTE(pollystyrene @ Dec 12 2006, 04:54 PM)
Freckle, I'd ship you some of my snow if I could. Now it's half-melted and it's gray muddy mush, though.
I hate snow, but I think I'd miss it if I no longer had it.
thankyou polly, and that's exactly how I feel about it too.
I grew up w/ oodles of it when Winter was WINTER, and now live where it feels perpetually springlike
, except when it is smothering hot
I just want to be able to go outside w/ my girl and my dog and build snow people and spin around and catch snowflakes on our tounges- is that too much toask for?
I confess to using my good antique fostoria glasswear champagne glass to drink tap water in my upstairs bathroom. it makes me feel a little glamourous and I find myself drinking more water that way too.
(but, why does it also seem to taste
better as well?)
Dec 12 2006, 04:41 PM
Freckle, if I remember correctly, I live just a couple hours west of you and I, too, am reeeeeeeally missing the wintery weather this year. My family has already had a nice snow storm this year, while I rarely have to wear a jacket when I leave the house. How am I supposed to get into the holiday spirit in this stuff?
I am also super jealous that Girlbomb got to go to Disney World. I really enjoy Disney World & have gone there 4 times, but most people (including my husband) do not understand my love for WDW.
Dec 12 2006, 05:40 PM
Confession: I am secretly smug that the exasshat is taking minipixie on a trip that she made with me and Mr. Pixie just a few months ago. Knowing her, he'll be hearing, "when I was here with my mommy..." the WHOLE trip!
Dec 12 2006, 05:48 PM
anna k! i can't walk on subway grates! everyone thinks i'm crazy! i will go out of my way to walk around them, even if it means bumping into people on the sidewalk.
i'm also vaguely emetophobic. it's kind of nice in a way because i think it keeps me from being as big a lush as most of my friends are--i have a very clear point of when i need to stop drinking. the only time i can ever get over it is if someone is really having trouble and no one else is helping. then i think my indignancy and nobility take over, HA.
Dec 13 2006, 10:36 AM
I'm beginning to worry about the fact I'm forgetting things and making careless errors when writing.
I've always had a really good memory and my spelling is particularly good (well as far as Cranium goes!) I'm also mixing up my wheres and weres and too and to and even two and I NEVER do things like that . Sometimes I can't find the right word when I'm speaking, either. At first this was infrequent and I put it down to tiredness but now I'm concerned.
Dec 13 2006, 10:47 AM
bunny_b! Me, too!
I'm actually forgetting how to spell! Or I'll forget an item. Hate that.
But -- I'm learning new things and doing things with hugely complicated rules to them
And I suspect that the conscious, concentrating part of our minds is like the "screen memory" on a computer.
It can only hold so much, and so when you shove more into the front end, some falls out the back!
It's really the only way I'm keeping my faith and self-confidence and patience with myself.
You have just finished a major educational intitiative, and you are either continuing a level of arduous, inventive thought, or you are trying to readjust to life and use what you have learned and who you have become.
It will get better ~*~*~*!
Dec 13 2006, 11:06 AM
that I do not want to go next door momentarily and help my neighbor draft a Letter to the Courts regarding her child-custody issues.
it was One Thing to help her when her husband was abusing her, but another entirely to be drawn into the middle of a situation I do not begin to understand and her kids are running around all willy nilly loud and amuck and I am thinking "why not just let him have them?"
Dec 13 2006, 03:05 PM
i'm afraid of walking over grates, too. i'm trying to be better about it, but i just feel that i'm going to fall right in. i feel stupid walking around it, but dang, i just hate walking over them!
Dec 14 2006, 09:10 AM
I love trains. If I am not in a rush and I see a train, I get very excited. I think that trains are cool (except the time where I was almost hit by one, not cool).
Sometimes I get in a mood where I get addicted to really trashy romance. Right now I am reading a series by Laurell K Hamilton about faeries, it's highly sex filled, and I love it.
I wish I were more crafty, I'd like to make my own jewellry.
I got really stoned last night and watched Lewis Black's HBO special Red, White, and Screwed, and my shitty day just melted away. I came to realize that my problems really aren't that bad compared to some of my clients. But still is was shitty at the time.
Dec 14 2006, 02:38 PM
I don't like making out.
Dec 14 2006, 04:45 PM
Similarly, I don't like kissing, b/c I had some bad experiences and some guys I knew had bad teeth.
"french" kissing has seemed creepy to me for that reason. I like closed mouth kissing, hugging, stroking and all that but I'm not as rapturous about the face-sucking kisses as women are reputed to be.
In fact, if I see people making out in mainstream movies I have to look away. It's vaguely embarassing. And some of those people I am NOT attracted to. And I'd rather just have it be PORN or NOT PORN, ya know? Hardly anyone gets the real sexy feeling like which is certain LOOKS people exchange and the way they talk to each other and do the strange animal kingdom approach and retreat thing.
No, they have some cheesy overdrawn fake "obstacles" in the "romance."
culturehandy: I like trains, too! I've almost always lived with in the sound of trains, and we used to walk down the tracks to get to cool places when I was a kid.
Dec 14 2006, 05:36 PM
I like trains too. I take Amtrak when I travel because I get nervous on planes and feel so much better flowing through the country and stopping in various places.
I'm not a fan of kissing, either. I'll do it with a guy, but it always felt weird to me, I felt like I couldn't get my mouth or tongue to work right.
Dec 15 2006, 12:53 PM
Hee hee. Yeah. I hate face sucking. Sweet kisses all over the face and neck, that's nice. But the other kind makes my jaw hurt and I feel kind of grossed out about it.
I've always been weird about mouths though. I hate feeling/smelling breath (even if it's not bad), eww eww. I've been known to wake up my boyfriend and tell him not to breathe on me in the middle of the night.
Dec 15 2006, 01:28 PM
I didn't like kissing me ex, I thought it was a terrible kisser!
I want to seduce my former, sometimes still supervisor. Just one time... *sigh*
I am happy.
Dec 15 2006, 06:07 PM
I didn't like kissing my ex either. He was really good in bed, and he even asked me once if I thought he was a good kisser but I lied. It just wasn't good...plus, he always had a hint of bad breath, no matter if he'd just brushed his teeth or not.
Now my previous ex...that was good kissing...and good sexing.
Dec 16 2006, 01:07 AM
ooch. i didn't care for kissing my ex either. a good kisser is like a good conversationalist. you feel that communication and back and forth, a bad kisser, well, blech.
but god i miss kissing someone who could make my toes curl....sigh. it's been years... but my ex, well, she could whisper the most innocuous things in my ear and i'd get chills....
i know i have to get a job again, but i really don't want to. i want to paint for a living, buti am afraid being "unemployed" for so long has ruined me for steady work and relationships. i am so fucking tired of being perpetually broke. i wish i didn't waste so much time doing nothing and that i had been concentrating on my paintings instead of pissing away all the time...
Dec 16 2006, 09:37 AM
I loathe my MIL for doing tiny inconsiderate things like buying Mr. GK a cake mix for his B-day and saying she didn't have time to make it so just giving it to him in a gift bag. He is way to nice to be treated like an afterthought.
I am super embarassed that our electricty got shut off b/c I forgot to pay the bill.
I felt retarded sitting in the drive way trying to open the garage door and wondering why it wouldn't work. Then discovering a red tag on our electric meter.
My ex was a great kisser! Lousy person but I great kisser.
Sometimes I am nice to people b/c I feel sorry for them, not because I like them or would ever want to be friends with them.
Dec 16 2006, 03:24 PM
Confession#1: I don't want to go to Ratboy's family's Christmas get-together tonight. It's at the house of one of his brothers. It's not that I don't get along with them; they're all actually really nice to me (although my FIL can be boorish and tactless at times). It's just that I've been up since 5:00 AM because I had to work today, then came home and did some weekend chores, and now I want to just stay home and chill. I do NOT feel like going out and putting on a happy face and being forced to make small talk w/ a bunch of people. Damn it!
Confession #2: I really want to try cocaine. Never have done it, but have long been curious. And I found a source yesterday, so I might get to do it soon. So I'm excited, but also kinda scared.
Dec 16 2006, 06:07 PM
ratgrl, I've sometimes thought about doing drugs, but I never had a drive or a taste for it. I like the idea of getting a high, but I don't want to be dependent on a drug. I already take pills to reduce my anxiety and curb my seratonin, and despite efforts to wean myself off of it, I can't function normally without it.
Dec 17 2006, 08:50 AM
I watched Talladega Nights: the Ballad of Ricky Bobby last night w/ the mr and thought it was funny!
I feel like I need to be ashamed for this, but yet am not; must be why I feel the need to confess?
(although I did laugh maybe a little Too Much at all the stereotypical redneck jokes, bc I live close to where it all was staged at and know them to be more true than even the movie potrayed; how sad.)
AND I confess..
I have stopped colouring my hair after almost 12 years. I have NO IDEA what my real honest to goodness colour might be anymore; an old stylist said dark auburn (from the brighter, more fiery orange red I make myself) but no doubt it will be an interesting suprise.
I confess I am sorely tempted to go to a stylist and let her chemically strip it so it is quick, but I also feel like this is hair-penance for torturing it all those years.
and lastly I confess that I am not sorry at all for what I wrote in correspondance to my ex bff.
she brought up that one particular area, and so opened herself up for the exchange.
we all do our time one way or another. she cannot hurt me any longer.
Dec 17 2006, 12:24 PM
Anna: I am also on prescription meds for anxiety and depression, and have been for years. I don't see myself going off of those anytime soon; at this point, it's hard to imagine what life would be without them.
I do think I'm addicted to a drug called Fioricet; it's a headache pill that's got mostly acetominophen, but also has a small amount of barbiturate in it. Because it's a controlled substance, my doctor will only prescribe me so many pills at a time, and--confession--I have been known to sometimes take more in a given day than is on the prescription label. So I'm trying to wean myself of that, but it's hard. Very hard.
Cocaine is just something I've wanted to do for a long time, because I've heard the high that comes from it is really something else. But I do worry if I do it once, I might become addicted. So, we'll see.
'Nother confession: I love Howard Stern! I bought a Sirius radio early this year just so that I could listen to him in his new, uncensored realm. This probably seems very unfeminist to a lot of people, but...I just find him hilarious. When I'm listening to his show while driving, I generally laugh my ass off.
Dec 17 2006, 10:57 PM
I'm sick of feeling competitive and jealous with other authors I know. I read my author friends' blogs and wonder if I sound as insufferably pleased with myself as they do. I envy other people's success and wonder why it's not mine.
I'm sick of just about everyone I know IRL.
I was even fantasizing about faking some kind of chronic condition, like Multiple Sclerosis (which my mom has), just so I could cut off a whole bunch of people I don't want to deal with anymore. I want an excuse to dump people so I don't have to be honest -- "Honestly, I find you to be a burden rather than a joy, and I don't feel like continuing our friendship." Seems like it would be so much easier just to say, "I'm too sick to call you on the phone, or respond to any of your calls, so you have to leave me alone but you can't resent me for it."
I'm a much angrier person than I like to admit, and it's exhausting.
I want to go hide in a cave.
(PS: Cocaine is reeeeeeally addictive. If you're curious, the effect can be mimicked almost exactly by drinking way too much espresso. So can the side effects -- arrythmia, paranoia, etc. Please be careful, and experiment with extreme moderation.)
Dec 17 2006, 11:09 PM
I get jealous of others' success too. I get jealous of girls who get acting jobs through good looks and connections in the movie business, like Maggie Gyllenhaal and Zooey Deschanel. Or girls who work as models and travel around the world to places I would need plenty of cash to get to and stay in, and who just glide around on looking fabolous and stylish. I always wanted to be stylish and be a celebrity for looking cool and having friends in the fashion and film world, like Chloe Sevigny. Or be as effortless as Kate Moss. Being a writer with assorted clips and working in the editorial department of a magazine doesn't seem as exciting as being a stylish sexy starfucker.
Dec 18 2006, 02:42 PM
I experimented a lot with drugs when I was younger. Luckily, I don't have an addictive personality so I was able to try whatever I wanted, without any lasting consequences. I'd suggest staying away from coke and trying things such as weed and mushrooms. They are much better high, and seem to relax you while opening the mind.
I confess I miss my drugs.
Dec 18 2006, 05:56 PM
Cocaine scares me. I don't remember what exactly my mother told me, but somehow she convinced me that if I ever tried it (or heroin), I would become painfully addicted right away, and that it would kill me sooner or later - probably sooner.
I've never tried any hard drugs (unless you count tequila); I never had an interest in them. I'm all for the pot, though. With mama's approval.
Dec 18 2006, 05:59 PM
I feel kinda the same, gb. I still like a lot of my friends, but, I feel like there are just walls of frantic ambition and grasping for power and manipulating up. And I am sick of everybody kissing up to the wealthiest and/or most aggressive people, while their cascades of flattery are very suspect.
I feel like everything I say and do, someone has to judge it or contradict it or one-up it. For god fuckings sake yo, give it a rest!!
and I'm really supposed to believe I'm a piece of crap, and I'm really supposed to spend my life being submissive and one big nothing, apparently.
And i don't want what they have, I don't want to take their "stuff" away, I don't hate them for having it, I just want to be who I am and have what I have and be able to relax and have fun.
What is so wrong with FUN, dammit? I'm all wrapped up in writing/singing/art/computers/media/publshing etc and it is damn hard, cold, dry, stiff, when it could just be fun like taffy.
Heart and Soul and Thinking and Feeling and Perceiving are all *free* so why do people act like they are hard to get? You have to be almost a god so you can wiggle in a almost a worm.
sick. of. it. all.
But, trying to sort the wheat from the chaff.
Dec 18 2006, 06:36 PM
Cocaine and I would become friends WAY too fast. For the sake of sanity, I stay as far away from it as possible. And all opiates. I could see heroin getting out of hand for me, too. I have a really hard time just staying far away if there's a tylenol with codeine around (and I know very well how absolutely deadly tylenol is, too).
Ever since I quit smoking I've been guarded about the opportunity to smoke as much as possible. I've never let myself even get close enough to a situation where someone would offer me a cigarette, because I know that if I do I will go from being smoke free for over a decade to a-large-pack-a-day smoker, as if I never, ever stopped.
Dec 18 2006, 07:24 PM
I hate smoking as a habit. I see people smoke all the time. I hate it when it blows into my face, I hate the smell of it, I hate stepping on cigarette butts all the time, and I hate that my sister still smokes despite attempts to quit. It's a disgusting habit. My grandpa smoked for years, and quit in the 1980's. He died of lung cancer last year, despite not having smoked for 25 years. My sister still smokes anyway, despite her practically breaking down over his decline and his death. Smoking looks cool and/or sexy in the movies, but it's gross-looking in real life.
Dec 18 2006, 07:29 PM
Funny you say that, cha cha. For me, as an ex-smoker (6 years), I can refuse when someone offers, easily, so I don't have to avoid situations. I prefer hanging out with the smokers at meeting breaks! (Everybody inside is still working, but the smokers are outside talking about all the interesting shit.) But I also know how instantly I will be addicted again, just as soon as I smoke one little cigarette...it'll be two packs a day in no time, cigarellos, and hey, I never got to try cigars last time! So it keeps me from saying yes, every time. And also from buying smokes at the twice-monthly twinge of nicotine lust.
After watching my father die in 2000 from pneumonia (literally watching, to his last breath), and knowing he'd been a smoker from ages 10 - 74, I somehow persuaded myself to quit forever.
As goddess is my witness, I will NEVER chew Nicorette AGAIN!
Dec 18 2006, 08:34 PM
I hate smoking as a habit. I see people smoke all the time. I hate it when it blows into my face, I hate the smell of it, I hate stepping on cigarette butts all the time, and I hate that my sister still smokes despite attempts to quit. It's a disgusting habit
i agree, anna. it's just foul. it smells, it's unbecoming.
*and yet, i had two on the way home. i've been trying to cultivate a habit because i'm all out of coping mechanisms (healthy and unhealthy), and it's the only legal thing i can do to keep my shit together right now.
*i'm beginning to not give a flying fuck. and i can't wait til i bottom out, because i'm beginning to realize that the less i care the more free i am.
*i'm salty that i missed wife swap tonight because i was still at work.
Dec 18 2006, 08:57 PM
I had a bit of a problem with vicodin and other opiates (oxycontin, methadone) several years ago... Oxy & vicodin I think are like the crack of the intellectual musician types in my circle. I still find myself, whenever someone mentions one of these, involuntarily asking how much per pill even though I haven't done it in years. It doesn't seem bad because they're pharmaceutical and you don't have to shoot or snort anything, but it was quite a problem for me for a while. It still is a big problem with a lot of my friends unfortunately.
My next confession: I go to school for electrical engineering, which is a boy's club. There's about 1 female for every 10-15 boys in the program, and only two female professors. I say boys because they are crude, immature jocky nerdy little boys. I know jocky and nerdy seem to contradict each other, but somehow these boys are the worst of both. There are some good ones, but they're outnumbered by the horrible ones. Once last semester there was a rumor going around that I was sleeping with a professor, because that's obviously the only way I could be getting an A in the class. This semester I was accused of somehow stealing all of the jobs in the engineering field due to affirmative action. Anyway, being surrounded by these sexist assholes every day turns me all Valerie Solanas. I want to punish all men because I have to put up with these ones. I know of course that this is an illogical way of thinking but it's more of an emotional reaction that I can't seem to control. During class I have fantasies about kicking the living shit out of some of the particularly awful boys. And I'm not a violent person.
Dec 19 2006, 12:59 AM
kayte-- you rock! that is so awesome. fuck those fuckers. you're all ready kickin' their ass just by getting better grades than them. them starting rumors is the only way they can deflate their limp egos.
i always expect my friends to disappear after a few years. no one has really lasted long in my life, even family, so i rarely call them. i was hanging out with one of my friends tonight, and i swear, everytime we hang out, i think, why does she call me? funny thing is, i think this about all of my friends when we hang out. i really am amazed any one would. i'm not an asshole, it just seems weird to me. when i extend myself, i get burnt. i am very quick to cut off friends too. i just have very little faith in people.
Dec 19 2006, 07:43 AM
as a fellow woman in a male dominated career/educational path.....i know exactly how you feel. Show em up.
Confession: if euthanasia were even remotely legal and I knew I wouldn't go to jail...I'd be helping mom to pass on. Her life is so sucky now with very, very minimal (try no) chance of improvement. I can tell she's soooo frustrated at not being able to do the things she used to. She was always so independent and strong willed...this is killing her.
(alzheimers AND macular degeneration AND a slow growing brain tumor making her lose her hearing)
geez. I had nightmares about her all night.
Dec 19 2006, 09:06 AM
(((Treehugger))) I always assumed that with smoking, dying was the worst thing that could happen to you, but when my mom died of emphysema, I thought that it was the living with it that was worse.
Dec 19 2006, 09:29 AM
count me in as a fellow woman in a male dominated career. It's such a f**king boys' club, I too want to just blow them all up sometimes. Just keep it up. I'm learning it's not an easy thing to be a groundbreaker, but hopefully it will help other women out in the future!
Dec 19 2006, 03:07 PM
My addiction: coffee. I try every day to not have any because I think it makes me more anxious and easily stressed. The past couple weeks have not gone so well. I guess I'm doing the best I can.
Also: cocaine scares me too. It is very addictive.
Off to make some coffee now...
Dec 19 2006, 05:39 PM
I feel like I'd better get more specific about what I wrote so people on Bust or IRL who I know don't think it's about them. Cause -- that's easy to do. I do it. I've done it.
/thing rather like Bluto pretending to be a "zit" by blowing potatoes out of his mouth, which you can *skip* if you want!
My mom was the most insincere person ever. She was all kind of sweet to people in person, but after she hung up the phone with someone she would launch into a "why does that idiot call me" kind of thing, which makes me a bit paranoid about calling people!! She also was really conceited about her looks and her weight and her antiques and her father from Switzerland. But he was abusive and she smoked too much, and I think either back pain caused her depression or depression caused her back pain. She always saw the bad side of everything. She had practically nothing but criticism and dismissal of me and everything I did.
She was even meaner to my sister, who got very cold and just withdrew from the family. My sister was all about "Men all want me, women all hate me." She did not want me to have boyfriends or friends or anything and would scream bloody murder when my parents gave me any attention. She spent her whole life being all about money and being the one to get "the guy the rest of them want but *I* have him." She would not even call back to the house after she got married.
SOOOOOO, it would be easy for me to say "I don't like women" especially as the bully girl in Junior High school was this blonde with black eyeliner that was the one that all the guys wanted, and the formerly dorky and prissy girls who formerly would have called her a slut all kissed her ass and took whatever she handed out to them just so they would get her cast-off guys. Ow.
I can't say "I don't like women" because I realize -- I'm one too!!
Besides, there were always really cool women and girls in my neighborhood, my best wacky intelligent tomboy friends and "mad scientist" and "eccentric poet" and "bohemian art teachers" and stuff!
But I find myself really liking some of my current friends and work mates and wondering wtf with the rest, which was the source of my outburst there. I just finished a freelance job in which this girl was just a total pain in the ass! You'd think she would be a bustie type, she's got big thick glasses and is into rock and roll and is ferociously intelligent. But she is just a total snob butthole to everyone else at the job, except for sucking up to the boss and talking against her co-workers. I know what you're thinking. "There's always one, just ride it out, the boss will see through her, don't worry about it." Yet, I did have to worry about being de facto more awkward and slow which always happens until you get up to speed, and with her talking smack about me, the boss might think I'm someone who never does catch on. Um, no.
Then, friend of a friend Sue is in the same career I am, and she's been a jerk about it forever. I just don't do things like trying to make someone feel bad. I figure there is more than enough crap to go around, we may as well support each other. I told her I got a job in "Presitigious Company" and she said "well I worked there a few years ago and it sucks to work there any way!" ???
And another one just drives me nuts because, even though she has some good points, she is always trying to do things the exact perfect way. I can literally not do or say anything without being disputed. And yet, this person is knit into my social network.
I feel like just telling them to take a flying leap. I also feel like, well, I'm not perfect either and what if I'm just stressed right now b/c I'm changing my life -- so, oversenstive? I also wonder if I seek out these people because my female relatives were a PITA, or they look at me and see some secret SIGN, or if I'm too subservient at first and then too angry later, or if I attract them because I'm the same, or whether it is actually some weird compliment that they are threatened because they see me as an equal and it is just competition, or whether everybody's like that and I should just buck up.
/end potato spewing to some extent!!
I dunno. Fun is what I want. But when I went out and just made little quips and laughed a lot, people thought I was a moron. I've learned to brag, even though I think it's obnoxious.
Is this just Boston or just New England or the city? I do not know.
i just wish I had the home team advantage. i.e. my own family should have been on my side, and not ripping on me when I was a child and clumsy and needy as all children are.
Dec 19 2006, 07:24 PM
I confess I can't wait for Thursday b/c I it's my last day at work until next year.
I am probably going to get sappy around New Years and make a bunch resolutions that I will never keep.
My husband made me try Spam and I didn't hate it.
Streakers make me laugh.
(((Treehugger))), I really don't have a problem with euthanasia, it seems very humane to me. Maybe someday it will be legal. I was only about 13 when my grandfather died, but he had cancer and watching him suffer was horrible.
Dec 20 2006, 04:31 PM
My life has done a complete 180 in the past year. From just running my life into the ground with my irresponsibilty and an I don't care attitude to being uber fit and disciplined and employed. Plus I got engage a little over a week ago to someone I met 7 months ago. I feel like I'm watching someone else's life. It's a great life don't get me wrong. This girl has a Master's, a job that suits her, a fantastic fiance, a promising race season ahead, and a pile of great friends and training partners. But it still feels like I'm watching someone else from outside the window and I feel jealous of her and I wonder what she's done to deserve it. It just doesn't feel real. I don't think I'm good enough for all of this. I feel like I'm waiting for something to go wrong so that it feels normal again.
Dec 20 2006, 10:47 PM
Today I stepped on a scale for the first time in a long time. That's when I discovered that I have gained nearly 20 pounds in the last 20 months. It's as if I started inflating the second I got married. Bleeeeeeh.
I wish that I could afford a great personal trainer. A really really great one. And I wish that the trainer would come to my house every day to work with me instead of forcing me to join a gym. And I wish that the trainer would cook for us and be extra encouraging and help me lose 20 pounds in, like, 6 weeks like all of those people on Extreme Makeover.
I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin again.
Dec 21 2006, 05:32 AM
Oh, Rosie, I know how you feel about the inflation upon marriage. I know it happened to me! Has it happened to your hubby too? It did to mine. It's like we cook for a dinner party, but usually it's just the two of us. All my attempts at locating measuring tools in visible, accessible spots in the kitchen have just gone ignored.
I'm working on it now, though. It's just not turning around fast enough some days, but it is turning around.
Dec 21 2006, 06:30 AM
Even though I'm surrounded by loving family for christmas this year I secretly want to spend the holiday entirely alone with a bunch of DVDs and good homemade pasta. Failing that I want to spend christmas in a corner reading a book.
I'm concerned about my boyf but he is driving me absolutely crazy.
I'm worried my dad has morphed into a domestic unit of two and will be no fun and too worried about arrangements etc to relax and be himself.
I hope I can spend next xmas in a hot country somewhere, just me and the mister, and read books all day.
Dec 21 2006, 07:33 AM
Chacha, you've nailed it. He's gained weight, too. Neither of us get enough exercise. And another part of the problem is that I'm bored in our new place most of the time & I've taken up cooking as a hobby. And I'm getting a little too good at it! On top of that, most recipes are made for 4 people or more. So there are portion control issues - especially for him. He can easily eat twice as much as I do at dinner & then go back later for ice cream. So we're both starting to feel self-conscious & uncomfortable in our skin.
Oddly enough, both of my brothers went through similar phases of gaining weight, although both of them put on more than 20 pounds (one brother gained nearly 100!). Eventually both of them realized that their health was going WAY downhill, so they started exercising & lost all of the weight. But now this means that I am the out-of-shape kid in the family! My brothers run and ride bikes and what do I do? I sit on my butt & watch The Food Network. And I don't have the motivation to get up & fix this on my own. Hence, the desire for a personal trainer who will come to the house and force me to work out!
Dec 21 2006, 08:48 AM
I hear it's really great for the sex-life if you and your hubby or partner exercise together, as a routine.
I keep trying to tempt M. ChaCha with that line, just because I always feel a lot more motivated if I have someone to work out with. Alone, it's a bit of a drag to push myself to get there: but with a partner you have someone ready to kick your ass because you do the same for them when they're slacking.
So far, he's sticking to his guns. He refuses to work out with anyone. Hence the fact that things are actually changing, only far more slowly than I'd like them to. See, neither one of us is actually suffering any changes in terms of health--but quality of life is definitely not the same. Before I got married, I cross country ski'd, I walked everywhere, I danced a lot, I did a lot of physical artwork too-sculpting and painting. I had a lot of stamina and strength. Now, I don't think I can spare the energy!
RoseV, I hope to heck you don't smoke--that's how I started the cooking thing. That was fine until he stopped smoking too. That, plus marriage, equals incredible rates of expansion.
Dec 21 2006, 09:02 AM
Ha, same thing going on here, Rose. When I was doing Weight Watchers, I got a WW cookbook specifically for 2-portion meals. I think they sell most of those in regular bookstores, and I think I've seen other ones similar. Le Boy just has no concept of portion control- that "deck of cards" sized meat portion? Ha! And there's only like 2 non-starchy vegetables he'll eat in any significant quantity, so doing the "half of your plate should be vegetables" thing gets boring fast for him FAST.
His brother lost about 60 pounds doing a "Biggest Loser" type competition with his friends in the past year. They all put in $50 and after 10 weeks, whoever lost the greatest percentage of weight got the pot. I think his brother won, he's kept it off, but wants to lose more. They're doing it again this coming year, starting the week after the Super Bowl. They're calling it the "2nd Annual Chris Farley Memorial Weight Loss Competition" Le Boy has been invited to join, but I worry that he'll just skip meals to lose the weight, which is somewhat effective for him (it would kill me! If I don't eat when I'm hungry I become very crabby. And you wouldn't like me when I'm crabby.) I'm thinking of doing the thing with his brother, too, because I don't think only one of us can be on it. I'll at least make a concerted effort to go back to my healthier eating habits. At least I have some idea of what that entails. Le Boy is going to be in for quite a shock!
Ok, back to confessions!