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I have been trying to stay positive and upbeat because things have been going so much better for me lately, but this time of year always gets to me...and today I just don't have it in me to be cherry and happy.
confession: i act like i dont care what people think just because i do care what they think. and i think that annoys or confuses a lot of people.
i'm looking at an old old ex best-boy's screen name on my buddy list and i want to IM so bad. it makes me sad that his profile notes that he still talks to our old old mutual friend. i wish we could be friends again. and maybe hook up once in a while. like old times. smile.gif
I must confess that I have always wanted to be one of those fly girls on In Living Color
anna k
I always wanted to be an 80's skanky party girl sleeping with hair metal bands and having big hair and short skirts and rocking it until dawn.
i would like to socially sabotage a woman i know who puts on the act of a lovely human being when she is really a low down dirty rotten asshole. '
i have a hard time keeping the faith that people are finding out who she really is on their own, even though i meet those who have regularly. it happens, just not fast enough. i confess that i would really, really like to add some accelerant to that stinky tire fire.
I feel like this:
i felt like that too tyger....but i tried to convince myself it was right. Had our future planned out according to his wants and convinced myself i would be happy with it. but all i needed was for him to bring up that i couldnt be happy that way...and i agreed. we're sad and lonely. i feel so pathetic that all i want right now is his arms around me.
I so loathe my in-laws that are arriving later today, that I want to do mean and terrible things, like cook, but then uh, use dirty utensils while doing so.. and I've already been letting my dog roll around on the old sofa the old man will want to sleep on. I mean this is Way beyond over-waxing my foyer w/ old english in the hopes the old man will take a spill and have to leave, I'd really like to do them some damage. sick I know.
I never liked them much before, but now I REALLY can't stand them, but yet have still been busting my ass cleaning the house as an over compensation. evil (bc right now it's stronger) is wrestling w/ good and truthfully I don't know which will win.
after the disagreement w/ my m-i-l over the mr's g'mother still driving (scary & awful & a total danger to society) I want to ignore her just the same way I pointedly ignore the mysoginistic him.
I think I feel some sort of ~illness~ coming over me that will keep me in bed & away from them, til I miraculously feel better in time for them to leave Sat & for me to go to the training.
Pepper, there's one of those at my office.

So I've been informed that the guitar boy of a local band rather wants me, and I know I will use said knowledge to torture him every chance I get. I know it's mean, and I know why I do it, but I just can't help myself! blink.gif
Freckle, I've lately come to experience similar things when my MIL is visiting with her husband. He's lovely, and rarely does or says anything to piss me off...but my MIL "builds" to a point in our visit when she just seems to look for ways to set me off. They usually stay over a week when they visit, which I must say is far too long, and they love to come in September, which is really the "beginning" of the year for me--so it's tough to juggle my own plans with extended stay guests.

This year I planned things so that I had escape days--I changed none of my appointments with patients; I kept arrangements in place to travel on my own so I could be away from home so I could get some of my own things done without wondering how the hell I was going to catch up after they left; and I made my husband book the time off so he could take his mom around on his own at least once during the visit.

I make no apologies for doing these things, I hardly even make mention of them. Once my MIL said, "We missed you today while we went to .....fill in the blank tourist spot....", in what looked like a guilt-induction attempt, and I just responded with, "Oh, aren't you sweet!" and turned the conversation back on her. Things went smoothly until just before they left, when the woman finally got me, and I let some steam escape from my ears.

My confession, at the moment, is that this year we've decided to spend Christmas with my MIL at her house. Where we will see who is the guest with license to speak freely--and who is the frazzled hostess, without such license. For a change.
in the words of my wise but yet loopy mother: company, like Fish, go bad after 3 days.
5 days just seems like cruel and unusual punishment.

but I like the idea of not re-arranging your plans while they are here & letting the mr deal w/ His parents;
unfortunately, my training is Sat probably After they already depart and I am not on-call as of yet.
- is it a confession that I look forward to that as a possible reprieve in the future? ( as I am training to be a Rape Crisis Companion- oh yesitis!! sick sick of me! now I AM going to hell for even Thinking that!!!!)

but you know, as far as you going to your mil's for the holiday's, by all Means be whatever kind of guest you feel in the mood to be in there. turn the tables so much her head will spin!
I tend to 'go to bed early bc I'm so tired from the trip' when we go to my in-laws, and then snuggle up in bed w/ a good book and let them do as they will.

thankyou all for not bashing me for my evil thoughts.
I've already asked the mr to not pull a repeat of the last visit w/ them, bc he reverted to an absolute CAVEMAN in his piggish treament of me (ala how his birth father treats his mom), resulting in a meltdown the likes of Chernobyl. I also told him that if he chose that path, or allowed his father to treat me so ( as he's done many times w/ mute ears on my mr) I WILL[u] deal with it and he'll be sorrier than he's ever been before bc old or not, I have Zero Qualms about tossing the old bugger out on his arse.
I hate that I get so angsty before these visits but I Swear that if I weren't so on guard around them, they'd (they as in both as she is duplicitous in allowing the treatment) set the woman's movement back 100 years!

and in-laws or not, I AM watching Grey's tonight and they can all just Like It. that's what an upstairs tv is all about smile.gif
Freckle, I kept repeating that to myself (Fish and company...3 days). last week. I was with my parents for about a week. It was 6 days too long. Rest assured, we're not spending Turkey Day together. smile.gif

Still have no idea what I'll be doing for Turkey Day, but I guess I'll figure it out.
Freckle, I remember reading a post you wrote about the slow, deliberate polishing of the glossy, icy wooden floor. I thought it was poetry, actually.

I say: sleep from being "tired" so you can enjoy your book; watch any TV show you like in the privacy of the blue glare of your own TV, and don't hesitate for a minute to stand your ground on the "husband reversion" issue, if it comes to that. It's YOUR house and though you "shouldn't" offend your guests you are definitely not responsible for their complete entertainment while they're in your home, particularly if they're repugnant. Hell, honey, I'd go one better and LIE about your training--tell them you've got a preliminary meeting you can't miss--then go out and socialize, vent, shop, anything you would do to lessen the load of their visit.

Sweet dreams of fat sexist asses luxuriating in dog rubbed couches, my dear.
QUOTE(chachaheels @ Oct 27 2006, 05:38 AM) *

Freckle, I remember reading a post you wrote about the slow, deliberate polishing of the glossy, icy wooden floor. I thought it was poetry, actually.

I say: sleep from being "tired" so you can enjoy your book; watch any TV show you like in the privacy of the blue glare of your own TV, and don't hesitate for a minute to stand your ground on the "husband reversion" issue, if it comes to that. It's YOUR house and though you "shouldn't" offend your guests you are definitely not responsible for their complete entertainment while they're in your home, particularly if they're repugnant. Hell, honey, I'd go one better and LIE about your training--tell them you've got a preliminary meeting you can't miss--then go out and socialize, vent, shop, anything you would do to lessen the load of their visit.

Sweet dreams of fat sexist asses luxuriating in dog rubbed couches, my dear.

I so === sniff-- just Heart you guys right now... you all just understand (sadly) too well.

so far the brand spankin' new Enhanced Cable has kept the children occupied (as in the ass w/ his channel surfing) which means I will be blasted w/ ultra right wing conservative bullshit for the next 36 hours, but I do like the idea of faking the phone bc w/ the training set for tomorrow, it's not out of the question for them to call me today. Genius!
luv for everyone.
i am terrified of a 3-hr train ride.

when/why did i become such a scaredy-cat? time was, i used to think nothing of taking a plane, train or bus by myself. ('k. well. the plane trips were always pretty intense. i fucking hate flying.)

i feel horribly guilty leaving my son when he's got so much going on this weekend. truth is, he doesn't need me half as much as i need to feel needed.
(((Mandi))) I get anxious about travelling, I think I have Issues from my childhood that manifest themselves in fear of cars, boats, airplanes, etc. but are really about going away from home.
I used to be okay with travelling, but now it seems like I'm too scared to do that much anymore. Flying and driving long distances now seems rather daunting instead of fun. I think it has to do with both getting used to having someone with and finding out all the scary stuff that can happen while on the road. I kinda miss it, since I love visiting new places and I need to get out of town for a while.

confession: I do not like Nutella.
I've given it several chances, yet it's way too sweet for my taste. (Can I still be a Bustie, though?)
anna k
I don't like flying. I don't like being in something that heavy being up in the air, or feeling the air beneath my feet. I hate taking off, and I hate seeing water beneath me. I took a 15-hr train ride this summer to avoid being on a plane.
i took a three day bus ride with a three year old to avoid flying. i did it when i was pregnant too. nope, i don't travel.
I'm always looking forward to flying, roadtrips, trainrides--you name it. I love them...but if I start thinking about how other people are afraid of travel, I start to get nervous.

Not enough to, you know, paralyze myself with fear--but enough to understand how much of a denial process is in place in order to not be afraid. I end up thinking: well, if it does happen, and this plane does go down, I don't want to survive the ordeal.

And then I force myself to move back into functional denial. So far, so good.

And this weekend's confession is all about how I've made sure I'm "working" for the entire weekend so I don't have to organize/prepare for/attend/survive family gatherings for my father's birthday, my husband's birthday (hosted by my father, who likes to have us all celebrate both) and Hallowe'en. I'm sure everyone will "miss" me, but they'll get over it just fine.
I was so freaked out and homesick the other night after an out-of-town show that I couldn't wait for my train the next morning, and took a three-hour cab ride in the middle of the night that cost all the money I'd been paid for the event.

And I'm glad I did it, even though the money could have gone to a better cause. I met the greatest chick cabbie ever and we had a blast and most importantly I was HOME by 3am instead of hyperventilating at some bed and breakfast.

But I'm 37 -- too old to be such a baby about being away from home.
I want to put all my stuff in storage and bail to NYC. Which is exactly what I'm planning on doing in December. Except that no one knows that I have already put 1/2 of my stuff in boxes and have already researched storage spaces. They think I'm just saying I'd "like" to do that.
since I have been married ( six years) we tell my parents we are going to see his family for thanksgiving, tell his family we are going to see my parents and stay home and spend quality time together. much less stress
So jealous that you get away with that missladyj- that wouldn't fly with our families. Thanksgiving isn't too big a hassle since the houses where the event is held aren't too far apart, but it would be nice to say "screw you" to both sides and stay in.
after getting married to my hubby, the stay home together and avoid family at all costs at thanksgiving, is the smartest thing we ever did. He rules. and he cooks. we usually have fish
I'm kind of envious, too, missladyj. I feel like there is an expectation to travel to see my family on the holidays and if I didn't go...well, I just think it wouldn't be pretty. :-) I got an email that Lufthansa is having a 20% off sale on their international flights family couldn't be all that mad if I were in Paris instead, right?? Ah, if only i could afford the time off work.
I really upset and unhappy and as much as I want to find a happy zen, serenity now type state of my I can't figure out how. I am just dwelling on the bad and I can't snap out of it. I have tried everything and nothing seems to be help.
when I get like that, I go to my art books, or my Celt philosophy book.
both of those center me like nothing else can & I find again inner peace and beauty in the midst of stress and crisis.
I wish that you find your inner place of saftey and peace soon sweetie. hugs ~

not seeing the family on thanksgiving is a huge stress relief and I highly suggest it to anyone who can come up with a great way of worming your way out of the holiday.

We do hannukah with my family and christmas with his but thanksgivng is just us. sometimes we'll do a stray thanksgiving for people who can't get home. One year we did invite my family and my sister and brother in law over for thanksgiving and my family decided to go somewhere else for thanksgiving . so fuck em

i do not feel the remotest bit of guilt for blowing everybody off .
I agree with you missladyj. This will be the first year in many a year where I'm not hanging round the family. Instead, I'm meeting the boy's friends(yay!), and we may do two Thanksgivings. One at his friend's house, and one at my little apartment. Regardless, it will be so awesome not to get the normal parental shit that I tend to get every year. smile.gif

Shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck.

Sometimes I put on this rah-rah "I can do it" act and while I don't think I'm exactly lying to myself, I DO think I am in a better position this year to pass with flying colors, but it's only now that I'm really starting to get nervous about the big exam I'm taking MERE HOURS from now.


Shit shit shit.

Remember to breathe.


I've worked so hard to get to this point, but I don't know if it's going to be enough to pass.


The glass is half full. The glass is half full. The glass is half full.
I leave the water running when I brush my teeth.

I've decided to wear camisoles and sarongs around the apartment, and keep the heat jacked up all winter, 'cause I'm pissed at having my rent raised again.

I am totally hooked on Ugly Betty.
Technical question about the site that inspired this thread- dows anyone know if there's a way to access past week's postcards? I can't find an archives section.
Polly, I don't think he has an archive section on the site. I've looked for it, too, but never located it.
So you've just gotta buy the book, huh? ((annoyed))
or do what i did; get it from the library and thumb through it in 40 minutes smile.gif
Yeah, my sister's boyfriend's roommate had it, and I read it there, but it's a little daunting knowing that if I don't check it one week, I'm out of luck! I've got to establish a pattern of checking it on a certain day every week. They post a new set every Sunday, right?
Holidays away from the parents are THE BEST

And, for more EVIL FUN wink.gif I will confess that I read just about every book that comes out at the library, and if the library doesn't have it, the bookstore. Unless it's something where I just can't properly absorb it unless I buy it and refer back to it.

Also, I read magazines on the newsstand in the giant chain bookstore (in America, bookstores with great art and culture magazines, and fashion magazines from all over the world are Borders and Barnes and Noble) or in the supermarket check-out rack.

I am thrilled that my aunt and uncle, who live in the same city as I do, are hosting Christmas this year. It means that I can sneak away to my own beautiful home, away from the insanity.

I also volunteered to work on Boxing Day (only for an hour!) so that I don't have to spend the entire day with my family.
so smart to volunteer that day & give yourself an Out in the course of a potentially stressful day.
charity to others And yourself! smile.gif (double kharma points yah!)

I confess...
that it's 10:30 pm here and though I am worn out whooped, I am scared as all begeebers to get into my brand-spankin-new-bed tonight.
we got a badly needed new mattress and box spring delievered today and it's GINORMOUS.
really. it IS. the top is well above my waist & I had to run out & buy not only new super sheets but a Step Stool just to climb into it.
every time I walk past it I get the 'running the gauntlet' feeling of daunt.

this is silly.. it's Just a Bed.
I think maybe I'm afraid I still won't sleep good and am damned.
I confess that I love my cats more than most people.
I am starting school at a community college in January, the first time since finishing massage school 2 years ago, and almost 5 years since high school. I'm scared, despite my accomplishments and personal growth since then, that I will simply revert to being a dazed and confused teenager once again, hung up about my peers, and lazy about school work, indignant towards authority. I was okay in massage school because I was surrounded by adults, but I'm worried that being around people younger than me will bring me to that mindset again.

There's nothing wrong with going to a community college, and the quality of education can be just as valuable as anywhere else, but I'm guessing there will be a higher percentage of jackasses than there would be at a university. Not intellectual jackasses, but losers who don't really care about their education and will be a distraction to those who do. Not that there aren't plenty of them even at ivy league schools, but I'm guessing more so at local colleges. Overthinking this? Maybe..
I have done nothing since lunch but lay on my ass, nap, and read books about Disney World.

I love Disney World. We went last year, and we loved it so much, we're going back next month.

I feel defensive about my love for Disney World, and about my decision to spend money going there two years in a row.

Oh well, I don't care -- I'M GOINA DISNEY WORLD!
Girlbomb, I am so there with you! I've always wanted to go to Disney and the boy and I and his family are planning a big family trip in the summer of 2008 (they have been lots). It will also be my first trip to the States so double the excitement.

We took a romantic trip to Paris last year and went to Disney, Paris for the day and it was so much fun but I know it's going to be on such a larger scale in Florida. Squee!
after months upon months of bashing MySpace, and vowing never, EVER to join...

... i joined. and it. is. FASCINATING.
I did the same thing, Catlady- avoided it, made fun of people on it....then registered so I could look up people I went to high school with, but they can't find me because I haven't put my high school on my profile. Ha!!
The going has been getting rough at work -- nothing out of the ordinary, just a bad patch -- and all I can think about is quitting the rat race career I busted my ass to get into, just running away from all of it so I can be some bizarre cocktail mix of punk-rock housewife writer even though I have no house and I'm not anyone's wife, and it's been years since I last slam-danced or wrote something worthy of being published.

I think I just really miss the days of sitting at home in overalls on a weekday afternoon and knitting for a couple of hours.

Even though I'm generally an optimist, I'm never happy with what I have. Give me enough time and I'm sure to find something else to pick apart and find fault with.
Oh this is terrible of me for thinking and feeling this.

One of my friends is pregnant, and I do not think that she should be having a child. She has extremely serious health issues, and I don't that think, that at this point in her life, she should be having a child. I think she needs to deal with her issues before she tends to someone elses needs. In the future, I don't doubt that she will be a good parent, but the time is not right.

I feel like such a terrible friend for thinking this too.
I confess that despite any professional achievements I may have, I feel like a failure because I don't have a boyfriend/husband.
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