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Ahh, intimacy frustration dreams. Yup, had them a few times or more in my life.

The list. The list the list the list... I want what is on the list. I want it badly. I want it now. I want to come home to a man who will inspire me to cook again. A man who will say, casually, over said meal, "hey, this weekend? How about we finish painting the trim on the front of the house and then spend Sunday at the lake with the dog?" To which I will reply, "yeah, that sounds great. We could get burritos at T's and build rock towers at Hidden Beach! Oh, wait, I need to get the oil changed on my truck." "No worries, leave it with me tomorrow and I will get it done at lunch," he tells me as he reaches for the pepper. And you know what? I will not worry. I will, without even thinking, take his car in the morning and watch him drive away in my truck. I will adjust the seat so (perfect in his eyes) 5'4.5" me can reach the pedals and change the radio station to the silly morning radio show I like and not even worry that he might find it on that station later.

Frustrated single? You bet.
Well I just discovered that the woman I've been kind-of flirting with is engaged, so at least I know that that isn't going to go anywhere.

Also deleted my okcupid account, since that never went anywhere either.
samiam I know just how you feel. I feel so alone and I'm constantly imagining little scenarios of my dream relationship.

I talked to this guy last Friday on okcupid's IM for well over an hour. He seemed really cute. I talked to him on the phone on Sunday but he was busy (at a football game) so I told him I would call him later this week. I tried calling last night but there was no answer. I just tried this afternoon and once again there was no answer but then again he could be in class. What is going on? I mean, we both seem interested in each other but I feel like it's nearly impossible to actually talk to him. What should I do?
I just joined a free dating site. I'm not very optimistic because it doesn't seem to me that the types of fellas i'm into will be on a dating site, but it'd be nice to go on a date at least.
snow white
candy, i wouldn't call him again. he's got your #, he can call u now or e-mail you. i hope he gives u a call-but i don't trust internet dating. it just never feels genuine to me. (and yet here i go to check yahoo personals again tongue.gif)
erinjane, I know what you mean. I have a weakness for indie guys and something tells me they're probably out enjoying concerts instead of staying home and signing up for a dating site. So far I've only met the one guy I mentioned below (who never seems to answer his phone) and I've gotten a lot of messages from weird guys that don't look the least bit like my type.
Yeah, same as me, and i've only been on the site for half a day. I'm hanging out with a great friend lately and she's a great concert buddy. This weekend we're going out on Saturday and Sunday so I'm hoping someone there will catch my eye.

I don't think I really believe in internet dating either. Maybe it's because I've had bad luck with the few people I've met from the internet. I have a feeling I'll be deleting my profile in the not-too-distant future.
snow white
i just flipped through some personals in our area... is there anywhere besides a bar to meet ppl?

i'm in a lonely place in my life right now, my friends are in different places than me, some are getting married and some are into their 'scene', you know. i enjoy both but i'm just feeling like, where are my people? i need someone to monopolize my time so i can say, "omg, me too!". i haven't felt that in a long time.

good eye contact, knowing smiles, feelings of comfort...damn, where's my person???
i met mr.nick online! we've been together 1 1/2 years and just moved in together.

i tried to be open about who my type is. my type was always a punk rocker with a steady job. online i met punk rock boys with no jobs, punk rock boys with jobs that were a-holes, and guys with jobs that never heard of punk rock. then i met mr.nick, and he's a classically-trained musician who likes rock n' roll too and works hard at a job he loves. so while he didn't exactly fit what i thought i would meet, we had loads in common - love for music, fun and responsibility. and despite his lack of tattoos or creative hair, he's super cute.

i dunno, can't hurt to keep up a profile. you never know. also, which sites are you girls on? eharmony seems to be for bores, but seems pretty open, and this bust website has one that seems to be more for hipsters.
I've flipped through profiles on the bust one before and almost everyone hasn't logged on in 3 or more months. I registered at plentyoffish and okcupid, because they were both free. I deleted both accounts today. I wasn't comfortable with it, and the guys who were replying were really scuzzy and obviously hadn't read my profile at all. I'm just gonna stick with real life encounters I think.

I did meet my last serious boyfriend off livejournal, but I wasn't specifically looking for someone that time.
Nickclick, for a long time my 'type' was the punkish, loud and tattooed boys (and I'm a sucker for Buddy Holly glasses) but so many of those guys are stubborn brats who aren't very responsible with either their careers or maintaining a relationship. Lately I've been trying to remain open to guys that aren't my type, but its hard. Like right now I have a crush on someone who is very plain in dress and hairstyle, he likes music but is not a scenester at all, and he is a teacher (I bet his students think hes such a square tongue.gif) A friend told me that he asked about me, so I think there may be some interest on his part, but even though I have a crush on him (hes really goshdarn cute) I can't help but wish he was more exciting. BUT, boys that are "exciting" tend to break my heart, so I'm really hoping that I can grow up and realize people dont have to be showy to be fun. (I get this intellectually but cant seem to emotionally yet...bah)
I've only ever had two real boyfriends. They weren't the bad boy type at all and they still both ended up dumping me and leaving me unhappy.

I went on okcupid today and looked at some "matches" and tried to message guys that weren't necessarily my type. We'll see how this goes. Sometimes I feel like I just shouldn't try.

I am so frustrated with boys who seem kinda interested, but don't ask me out. What the hell?! I'm so sick of the line, "I hope to see you around". Do you really? Cuz if you really did then tell me where and when. Gah!
greenbean, i hear you about the buddy holly glasses. my downfall. amongst other things. damn. if a guy won't go for you, then he's really dumb cuz i've seen pics of you and you're gorgeous. that's crazy.

nickclick, you and the mr. are a cute couple. adorable.
Aww, shucks, thanks stargazer. I guess it must be my personality then, doh! wink.gif Nah, but I swear if I hear "see you around" one more time I'm gonna throw a fit.
argh - greenbean, I think that you and I have the same issue - we meet guys who are cool, have tons in common with us, we have a great time with... and who are not ready for any kind of relationship or sometimes even taking the plunge into a date. I feel like I've accomplished something, finally attracting good, available men.. but I'm realizing that available doesn't mean ready and for a guy, ready isn't something they think about - they just are or they're not. It's a royal pain in my ass, I tell you. feh.

ps - I still think that you should enroll in a class in the UK, then find a job (it's not so hard to get a work visa) and stay for awhile.
thanks starg!!!!!

well, next time they "see you around," you're going to be with a hottie who's smart enough to date a cool girl, and they're gonna go home to sit on their thrift store couches alone with their buddy holly glasses.
ok, forwarning... here comes pity party...

I'm just so fucking frustrated lately. It seems like a whole bunch of my friends who have been through some of the same shit as me with guys are now meeting great guys and all the work they've done on themselves, (not putting up with crap in a relationship, setting boundaries, etc etc) is coming to fruition and they're starting up remarkably healthy relationships. And the guys they're meeting are totally cool, fun, hip guys who are into it. I'm happy for them, but fuck. I get so fucking frustrated because I meet these seemingly great guys and then it just goes to shit. (like I said below, at least I'm meeting ones who aren't otherwise attached anymore, whether it be to another human being or drugs / alcohol!) and I don't understand it. I mean, it could just as easily go well. I know the whole 'you're a great girl, those guys are stupid for fucking it up' (I hear it from both my girl and guy friends) and 'the right person will come along for you' but I get so sick of hearing it.

I think back to when I was younger, and I had a couple of relationships with guys who were totally in love with me, and I think back to how they treated me and it was great - I was the fucked up one who couldn't deal - (plus I was just young) so they got pushed away. Now that I'm much older and have really grown hugely as a person to someone who's together, successful, relaxed, etc etc.. and more ready to have a healthy relationship than ever, everything just constantly goes to shit. It just seems like the universe is playing some big cosmic joke on me, sometimes, and that everyone around me gets to have it, but not me. I get really fucking tired of it.

I do know that I need to make a change in my work / career before I can expect to really have something - I have such an unstable lifestyle that I've decided I need to make some changes - for me personally, and also if I ever want to be in a relationship, which I do - so I do remind myself that honestly, this is probably not the best time to get into something anyway... but beyond the rationalization, I just wanna be with someone. I just wanna have that best friend / lover relationship with a man. fuck.

ok, wah. I'm done bitching and having the pity party for myself. Sorry for venting, but I just needed to get that off my chest to some people that understand.
((zoya)) Going to the UK sounds tempting..but the men are just as fickle!
Saturday I had such a bad night. I was out with one of my friends, we weren't out looking for anyone, but she met this really cute guy from France who was really sweet and they hit it off right away. He wasn't even my type but I got jealous and miserable and ended up going home so they could hang out. She felt really bad about it, but I probably would have done the same thing. He's not even her type either, but like I would, she enjoyed the attention. Luckily the next day I felt a lot better and the two of us went out and had a great time for my pre-birthday celebration.

I go back and forth so much between feeling satisfied and feeling lonely. Right now I'm satisfied to be single, but on Saturday I felt so bad about it. It's so frustrating.

Oh, and one of the things I noticed on the singles site I was one, is that every guy seems to describe himself as "sweet, romantic, caring". That's all well and good, but I can't see myself falling for a guy who describes himself that way. When someone calls themselves romantic I find they're really idealistic, wanna shower me in flowers and gifts, and are a bore in bed. I want someone who wants to have fun with me, who can laugh at themselves, who knows I'm not a high maintenance girl, and who has the same political/activist interests that I do. I don't give a damn if you're romantic because I'm super laid back. One of the reasons I'm so hung up on the guy I've been talking about who gives me mixed signals is because we really have the same interests and I wouldn't have to educate him on what my life is about. I hate when I'm talking to a guy and I mention I'm in women studies or work at a women's centre and they ask me if I hate men or try to explain to me how feminism is obsolete.

I think a lot of guys look at me and think, "there's a cute, short, sweet, vanilla girl, she probably wants to be smothered by my affections". When people find out what kind of music, movies, books, sex, and politics I'm into they're always really surprised. It's the same thing that's been happening to me since I was in high school. Damn this cute exterior!

/rant that ended up a lot longer than I intended.
i just want to say that in a world where i am surrounded by married, engaged, and boyfriend-laden friends, it's such a relief to come in this thread sometimes and read things that you girls are saying that i also am feeling. some people just don't understand, but you girls do, and i love you for it!
Luckily I'm still feeling satisfied. We'll see how the weekend goes though.

Exactly what I was talking about, with guys looking at me and making assumptions happened this week. There's this short, nerdy, younger guy that I was in a group with in my class. He's not my type AT ALL and I'm not attracted to him in the least but I could tell he was in to me. A mutual friend showed him some shots from a nude shoot I did (I wasn't nude in the shots he saw) and he emailed me this:

"I learned quite a bit today. My friend thought it was interesting that I knew you and she showed me a *ahem* website. I... had no idea that you were... you just appear so... like no offense please, but you seem so quiet and reserved..."

Too funny. I sat there laughing out loud when I read it.
Argh, I'm so frustrated! Okay, so there was the guy I mentioned down below, the one who seemed interested but then never answered his phone. Anyway, I tried calling him but then I just gave up because there was never any answer. So then a week after that, last Tuesday, he calls and I was quite surprised because I truly thought that he had just lost interest. Anyway, we ended up meeting in person and (I think) really hitting it off.

Okay, if two people make out for well over an hour then there's basically some attraction right? Because I had been really nervous as I hadn't really told him that I'm fat so I wasn't sure if he would be into me (physically) or not. But then with the crazy making out I figured that he was. Anyway, I told him that I had a great time and that I'd call him sometime this week. And surprise, surprise he never answers his phone.

What is the deal? I am back at square one! I was worried that despite the kissing maybe he wasn't that attracted to me but would you really kiss (and do other stuff) with someone for over an hour if you weren't attracted to them? Is he just really busy? Does he not understand how to use a cellphone?
I would think that there must be some kind of attraction but I know that guys can be really stupid when it comes to phones and the like.

Am I a total dork that I am so excited that I have a date this Saturday that 1. I posted here that I have a date and 2. I was trying on clothes today to wear on said date? Yes, I am a bit of a dork.
Squeeee, the wondering is over! I sent him an email and he responded and said that yes he definitely wants to get together again! I can't wait.
uhhh... needing to vent here, but not quite sure where to start... i guess i'm at one of those akward points in my life... most of my friends have moved away. I have some aquaintences in town... but apparently no one who cares about me enough to ever invite me out or return my phone calls when I call them & ask to hang out. On top of that, I've been single since the end of February (with the exception of an 8 week relapse). It's so hard to be single AND without any local friends. I REALLY want some one to share my time with, some one to share experiences with, but I don't even know where to start. I have NO social network right now & am really left with no idea of how to meet people. I do what I can to get out of the house, like going to cafes & exhibits, movies, etc. but these things don't really require social interaction. I'm not exactly up to going to the bar by myself & have never had luck meeting people in those places anyway.

I've responded to a couple of Craigs list ad's... but i don't hear back from anyone.

All of my friends say I'm a really good girlfriend... I'm not psycho or over-posessive... I like to do little things to suprise guys, I'm smart, good looking & funnny as hell. Yet, I can't seem to meet anyone. On top of that, all of the girls I work with are CRAZY, manipulative, ego-centric messes & they have guys fallowing them around, calling them all the time, begging them for attention. I don't get it. I'm nice & down to earth & no one will pay attention to me. I feel like I'm stuck in some kindof "nice guys finish last" story... but I'm not a guy. This sucks.

Anybody got advice on how to meet people after college in a college town? Anybody just wanna commiserate? smile.gif
I know how you feel about the aquaintence thing. I just moved to a new city about 3 hours from my home area of 10+ years. It seems that the older we get, the harder it is to form deep friendships. Both parties have to be interested in putting in the time/effort for it to work and that can be really hard to coordinate.

The way I would suggest meeting people is to create hobbies or try new things, especially active ones (which tend to be more social). I have been taking several dance classes recently and am also in a small college dance company which provides ample time to talk with people. I'm also getting exercise, which I have a hard time maintaining if I don't have someone to kick my ass. (I suggest Jazz, it usually comes with a killer strengthening/stretching portion.)
Something else you could try is rock climbing. I don't know if you have a climbing gym in your area, but they are a valuable resource. If someone told me I would be a climber someday, I would have laughed at them, but it's really the kind of thing you can do at your own level and see progress. There really nothing like getting to the top of a route you thought was too hard for you. Most gyms will have Intro classes to get you started and you can always boulder by yourself if you don't have a partner. Renting equipment is also relatively inexpensive. Climbers are also generally pretty friendly, down to earth folks and make easy conversation. And guy climbers are wicked hot. Just the right amount of muscle and that rugged outdoorsy look. They often climb w/o shirts which is very distracting.

OK, I'm rambling, but the point is, if you do activities you are really passionate about, you will meet like-minded people. And if you can't think of something you want to do, try something new, something you never thought you'd do. Volunteering is also a great way to meet good people.
Lordy, I wrote you an essay. Well, anyways, I hope you feel better about this soon.

Ah, the aquaintence thing... and the new interests thing..
Lately I've taken up birdwatching - seemed like a delightfully nerdy activity since I already
love to roam around in the countryside, especielly by the sea. If it's such a great way to
meet people, I'm not sure. Birdwatchers are friendly folks, but rather private and not chatty.
They are also often in their 50s, at least where I live. However, I've made some contact
with two birders who are younger and live in my area, but it's still only on an Internet basis.
I've never met them "in field", so to speak - Nature is well, big, and people tend to get lost in it!

The first guy I've never met at all, but he seems very nice, a bit older than me though (7 years).
We read each others' blogs and we're both into indie music, which we write about a great deal.
The second guy, also an indie nerd, is a friend of a friend, and I've actually made out with him
at my place for an entire night, but that was last year, and we haven't really mentioned it afterwards
(I was very drunk myself). I still don't know how he feels about it. Maybe it's just water under the bridge.
We bump into each other here and there, and do the "hiii how are you*hug*", but that's it, until I mailed
him the other day and asked if he would mind being a bit of a bird coach for me, and also mentioned that
I think he seems like a really good person, even if I don't know him all that well.

I was quite nervous when he didn't answer until 24 hrs later, but then the answer came it was nice
and friendly, although impossible to read if he'd be interested in hanging out with me for a bit, or if he
was just being polite. "I absolutely don't mind! Good people who on top of that are interested in birdwatching
don't exactly grow on trees" was the exact phrase, and it seemed friendly enough I think. Pity he doesn't have a car,
because then I'd have an alibi for tagging along. Plus, of course, I'd enjoy the outing & birds!

The thing is, I accidentally found out that he has a personal ad on a dating site, and asked our mutual friend
about it. She said she knew he had one out, but didn't seem to know how things are going for him there.
Maybe he's already dating someone (or two), I don't know. To place an ad myself and write him wouldn't feel right,
it would be too stalkeresque.

Eventually I guess I just have to ask to meet him, but as it is right now, I'm stuck in e-mail waiting.
I wrote him - he answered - I wrote him again, and still waiting for an answer (and trying not to put so much into it).
He's cute and possibly my new birding buddy, as far as I'm concerned that should be enough for now.
But it doesn't come easy for me to be calm about little projects like these! I overanalyze and obsess pretty easily.

hmm... haven't tried a "group thing" lately. This summer I volunteered with a group that usually makes people work in pairs. Guess they ran out of people b/c they made me work alone...

but that aside, I should start looking into finding SOMETHING to join. I'd be really nice to be around people I have something in common with.

I was talking to an old friend last night & he said that I'm really independent, out-spoken & have my shit together & it's really intimidating. I know this. I like this. I feel like it keeps away idiots an guys who just wanna get laid. i respect strong inedpendent people. period. and can't be another way... but despite all that i AM pretty open minded. I think I've gone out with every guy who's ever asked me out (with the exception of 2 REALLY nice guys with really out of control substance issues).

i guess the point is, despite the tough exterior, I am really accepting of people & happy for a chance to get to know anyone better.

oh... ha! i mentioned to "old friend" that i don't think i can talk to ex-bf anymore. "old friend" said that i should keep talking to my ex b/c HE'S never going to do any better than me. HA! what the hell? male camaradrie? i'm not really feeling like it's worth to trouble to keep idiot-ex in my life. it'd be really nice if he felt like an idiot for dumping me, but NO WAY IN HELL am leaving the door open for him to be in a relationship with me ever again. No way I'm going to sit around & wait for him to feel stupid he left me & then come back.
mumble, i've been told the same thing from guys, but i'm trying to remind myself that it's a good shitty guy detector if someone who is intimidated by me. plus, an insecure guy is not really a turn on for me. yuck.

as for post college dating, meetups....i agree with finding things that interest you and you are passionate about. book clubs, or whatever interest you. i'm not big on online dating...i mean i did it before and it works for some people....if you like it, then i encourage to do it.

and for the friend who told you to stay friends with the ex. well, i would tell him to piss off. but that's me.
oh, I laughed at the friend who encouraged me to stay friends with the ex... alot.
anna k
Today I got into a conversation on the street with a guy who thought I looked like someone he knew in Bayside, Queens. We talked for several minutes while I walked to the library, but I didn't find him interesting enough to continue talking to. He was squirrelly-looking and I felt like I was a lot younger than him. When I said that I was going to the library, he went, "Oh, me too!" He asked for my number, but I politely turned him down. It was a nice chat (he was putting together a book about cars and told me the first car was created in the 1760s), but I just wasn't attracted to him and didn't want to waste his or my time. Too bad, as I do want to date, but haven't felt sexy or attractive enough to want to get physical with anybody.
anna k... even though you're not into him, hope the run in with that guy did something to make you feel more attractive. smile.gif (i know i usually feel better about myself when guys hit on me...e ven squirrley guys)
snow white
what do you guys think of meeting ppl online?

i put up a profile on yahoo and started talking to a guy through myspace. he seems really cool and i definatly want to meet in real life, but... (here's comes all the buts)

for one thing, what if he's weird? i mean, i don't know how he carries himself or how he smells, you know? (granted, he looks like he smells good, of course, but you never know)

another thing is i've been single for so long now i'm alittle freaked that i forgot how to date!!!

and really i'm just worried about meeting someone who i'm not into and then feeling like i'm trapped in an awkward situation. i know i have the option of telling a person to fuck off but i know i already get along w/ this guy, i just don't know how well. so what if he really likes me but i'm not that into him? i've been in that situation before and i always really screw it up, to the point where we can't even be friends again just b/c i'm afraid of someone thinking there's something going on that i don't intend.

i don't know, i guess i'm just alittle aprehensive about. i'm afraid it won't live up to my expectations.
snow white, I'm cool with meeting people online simply because I don't seem to meet guys in real life. It kind of sucks (the not meeting guys regularly part). But anyway, so far I've only met one guy and he was actually really cute but it only went for two dates. It's kind of interesting, there are always some weirdos but there are a lot of decent people too.
Ditto what candycane_girl said. If it wasn't for on-line dating, I would never meet anyone.

When it is painfully uncomfotable, I just remember the TLC "Life Lesson" - Dating is akward. So is becomming the crazy cat lady.
Snow, I met my current boyfriend online. Yet, I had to go thru some weirdos as well.

I say go for it!
i also met my bf online. to be exact. of course weirdos abound, but that's also true in real life! or is that just me?

plan a short date, you know drinks or coffee, so that if you instantly know he's too weird you can be outta there quickly. if you're into him you can extend the date or meet up again.

my girlfriends and i did speed dating a couple of times too. a little formal and definitely dorky, but if you're all about the first impression then maybe you should try it. and as long as you go with a friend or two, it's a funny story at least, especially when comparing notes.

and don't worry so much about being friends later. neither of you are probably going online with your first goal of meeting friends!
*sigh* So things aren't going so well with birdwatcherboy. I decided to test him a little,
and send him a message with no questions, just a mail. No answer (for a week, and counting).
And I never meet him out in the countryside or by the sea. So birdwatching hasn't given me any love..
although it actually got me a job (oh great, just what I need, more time in front of a Word document!)
Someone at a birdwatcher's magazine had been reading my blog for a while and asked me if I wanted
to write columns for them. Which is great, of course, but although I'm a good writer I kind of suck at birdwatching.
And also at picking up birdwatchers.. at least this one.

I also stalked his personal ad a little, and noticed he upgraded to deluxe. Maybe the dating isn't going so well, then.
But the women who visited his profile were OMG HOTT writers, journalists, all kinds of hot bookish girls.
"Visited his profile" isn't the same as "dated him", though, but it just made me a little glum.

I also saw Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind again and got a little weepy. : (

And I need to lose weight. God I'm depressed today. I'm sorry.

aaw coela. those online things are the worst. It's so hard not to look at them when you're hung up on somebody, but they never make you feel any better. Plus people always but the best possible pictures of themselves online. I have friends whose pictures look amaizing... but they don't look like my friends... i don't know how people manage to look better on camera than the do in real life (it never works that way for me), but there are alot of people out there with pictures like that.

In any case, I really hope you felt better today...

I had a "bad day" today myself. Too much information about the ex is really getting to me. Not new information, just really getting to me today. Bad. I think I'd be fine if I had people to spend time around, but it's just not working out today... maybe it's time for a second round of phone calls.

I've been emailing a couple of people from a personals site. It sounds like we're all looking for love, but expecing (and totally fine with) the ads resulting in friendships.

Thank you mumblestutter, it's sweet of you to care.

Too much info about the ex is seldom welcome. I'm in a phase when everything my ex says or does annoys me.

I contained myself from mailing birdwatcherboy in the middle of the night to tell him the news about
birdwatcher's magazine. Today I'm very happy about that. I just have to fucking quit looking at his profile,
and then I'll be fine. And you're totally right about photos looking better than reality for some.. that includes me.
Stupid, stupid, vain.

I guess I just really long for someone to say I'm pretty. Shallow maybe and clich├ęd, but I just want to hear it.
Not "God, I love your brooches, where did you get them?!" or "You have such a nice little outfit on tonight!"
(examples from tonight by friends.. nice, but I was still sulking a little inside. One of those nights.)
Just very plain and simple "You're pretty". I wish I didn't need it, but I do.

That's one thing about the ex. Besides not being the one for me (sadly), he gave GREAT, effortless compliments.
But I'm not even going there now, nope.

snow white
Dating is akward. So is becomming the crazy cat lady.

haha, you don't know how many times i've repeted that in the last few days
snow white, yeah, i hear you about the online dating thing. i did it once before. i keep going back and forth if i should do it. do i have the time? of course, it would be great to meet people. don't know. so, you are not alone in that sentiment. i'm leaning closer to doing it though.
snow white
my mom and i got in a fight this morning b/c she wants me to date guys who i think are totally dorky, predictable and average. she likes them b/c they have "good jobs" or whatever.

i like guys who are exciting and rebellous and someone who i don't feel like such an outsider around, but usually, these guys don't have "good jobs". i mean, she likes dorks...i'm serious, the last guy she dated was a total DORK and yet she stayed w/ him b/c he was an executive. i personally think she cares too much about what job a guy has.

we actually fight about this shit. well, it's more her critisizing me and me getting pissy.

and then she bitched at me b/c i don't even date enough to really meet anyone, which is true...but still...

i know where she's coming from with the whole good job thing, but i'm 21 years old. i'm going to nursing school and when i graduate she's hoping i'll go to work and meet a doctor. does this totally nauseate anyone else? i'm just so frustrated about that!!!! whenever i do bring a guy home my family looks at me like i'm missing all my brain cells instead of just being glad i'm actually happy for once.

this feels so highschool, but it's really bothering me. is there a right or wrong here i'm not aware of?

she wants me to find a guy who will "take care of me", she of course means financially, someone who "has a big social life and bring me to new york city" yes, she actually said that... christ i just want someone who i can talk to and is attractive. i know my "type" isn't perfect but that's what i like about them in the first place.

i feel like i'm being an idiot. i want my mom to like my boyfriends...

Snow white, I don't know your mum, and I don't know your former boyfriends,
but haven't we all been there? My first serious boyfriend's mum wouldn't allow
me in her house b/c I was an Anarchist, but after a while she realized that
I was actually a good person, and we got along just fine. Your mum will probably
come around too. You date whoever you want to date, of course your mum can't
make that desicion for you. Doesn't really matter that you'll probably make some
mistakes along the way, that's life. Sorry if I begin to sound like a Britney Spears song.

I've always told my parents (since I was 16 at least) that I'll do what I want no matter
what they say, so they might as well stop nagging me about it, they're only wasting
their time. But they'll always worry, it's their nature. They want the best for you.
When you're 21 it's your potential boyfriends, when you're 25 it's your career, then it
will be "will you ever have kids?" or "what about your pension/social benefits" or your house.
Or if you get a pet they'll worry if you really can take care of it. And if you have kids they'll
worry about them as well. It never ends. Take it from me, I'm 31.. I love my mum, but she'll
never get off her high "I am YOUR MOTHER!" (AKA "I'm all-knowing!") horse.

You could try and talk to her about it, but that's no guarantee that she'll understand.
I think it's an eternal problem between parents and their children really.

PS: My boyfriends have usually been accepted after helping around the house for a while,
and if they can make a reasonable amount of smalltalk at dinner. Piercings & tattoos
were no issues after said BFs proved they could paint the rain gutter. Just my 2 cents. ;-)

snow white
thanks coela, britney spears song or not, it's exactly what i needed to hear. (sorry for the angsty teen moment)

but, things are actually going pretty well dating wise. i'm going to a concert next thursday w/ a guy i've known for awhile (it's like a date tho smile.gif ) and the internet thing seems to be going really well. so, i guess we'll see.

hope everyone had a great weekend cool.gif

Long, silly story from tonight:

I was out having lots & lots of beer with birdwatcherboy's best friend
(I didn't really realize how good friends they were) and said friend was
very very open about his past relationships, " I have only been really in
love twice", he told me all these embarrassing and intimate stories about
himself. I mean, wow, he really had no limits.

Since he was so open about everything, he kind of lured me into being open
as well. So all of a sudden he asks me "SO, by the way, I heard you made out
with J". And I went, "well yeah, but that was a long time ago". "How long?"
"Last year." "Yeah, that is a REALLY long time ago *rolls eyes*" "It was in February.."
"Yeah, a REALLY long time ago.. like TEN years"

I think last year in February for making out with a person ONCE is a long time ago.
But what the hell.

"So, did you guys have sex then, or just make out?"
"We just made out."
"Why? That is so cruel. Or.. couldn't he get it up? You know, I shouldn't really say this, but..
he has this problem sometimes.."
"God no, it wasn't his fault or anything. IT WASN'T LIKE THAT!"
"Then WHY?"
"Why am I even TELLING you this? I have issues I guess. Yeah I have issues."
"God, don't ALL people nowadays?"
"Yeah, perhaps. I guess. Anyway. What did he tell you?"
"Not much. Well he told me. He tells me stuff like this. He said you were angry with him."
"Angry? God no. Why would he say that? I wasn't angry at all. I was really drunk though,
and perhaps a bit embarrassed the day after. How close friends are you anyway?"
"We're REALLY good friends. Really good."
"Ok... So everything I say will pretty much reach him in the end."
"Oh no. No no. I'm not telling anything."

Right. :-P

Then he asked me "So, are you interested in birds, or are you interested in J?"
"I am VERY interested in birds. But I really like J. I do. I don't think he gets it, though."
"I'm sure he doesn't. I'm sure you're right about that. But you like birds? I mean, really?
Yeah, that's probably the right way to go."
"Um, ok. Well, anyway, I like him. I'd really like to see him more often."
"So have you met when you've been out birding?"
"No no. Nothing like that. I've just asked him stuff. About birds."
"Ok. Well, he has this personal ad out now anyway.."
"So I've heard."
"..but I don't think it's going very well."

And so on and so forth. It was horrible weather, 3 am, WET horrible snow and windy,
and ironically enough, we were standing in almost the exact same spot where I was
kissing BWB that night. Of course I didn't tell his friend. But I think BWB's Close Friend
was actually making an effort for me in a way, standing there in the snow and wind
talking about his friend. He told me he's reading my blog regularly, and when he left,
he kissed me hard on the cheek. It was sweet. But now I feel like a fucking dork about
the whole thing, because he will obviously tell BWB aaaaaaall about it. I mean, I WOULD,
if it was my best friend it was about, as soon as I was sober and awake I'd call her right
away and just spill.

I feel like I'm 15. I'm not sure if it's in a good way. I feel stupid.

oh man coela..... i think you'll be ok. it's funny, yeah, but i don't think you did anything stupid. smile.gif don't worry!
I have to ditto what glassk said. I know it feels really akward and weird but it should be okay. wink.gif
oh coela. i think you are fine. but, it does sound like some vulnerability might be there about said boy knowing how you feel. however, it might help things in your favor. it does sound like there are some mutual feelings there. good luck! keep us posted.
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