so I've been reading....what my problem is sounds soo small compared to what you ladies are facing. I wish you all the best and hope that weight, food, and/or depression stop being major problems for us all VERY VERY soon. I choose the roll eyes icon just for that. I will share my problem and hope it helps someone, and/or someone can help me.
I started having a problem with my weight when I left my bio mom when I was 12 then I was 100.5 lbs. Right on target....normal. I played sports, band, softball, cheerleading.
My bio mom made sure I had 3 meals a day, and I was physically healthy. Not so much emotionally though. I would sneak into the cabinets and eat whole cans of corn or peas or spam (yes, I like spam, only because it is useful on hiking trips and dehydrates well.) I once found a box of semi sweet chocolate and ate the whole thing even though it was gross!
I wasn't hungry I was just in need of something. I refer to my mom as my bio mom because she was great physically, but emotionally and mentally I was alone, and grown, by the time I was like 6. She fed me, paid for my stuff whatever I needed at the time but was emotionally absent my entire childhood. I would find the candy stash on top of the fridge and eat most of that as well.
When I left my bio mom, I went into a scared depression, I was quiet, didn't trust anyone and was an outcast in school. My guardians decided that I could not do any sports, although I did do volleyball one year. So for the 2 and a half years I lived with them I sat 95.9 percent of the time. I was in middle school so no recess, in school we sat unless we were changing classes, (how can a teacher teach with a class full of screaming running students?) they drug me to church which you stand for like 15 minutes tops and then you SIT! I begged to do ballet, they said get your grades up, I DID they never kept up their end. Heartbreaking...for me at least. I trusted them lived up to their standard and then still was majorly dissapointed. To make a long story short, meals were not balanced here and I gained 81 lbs in 2 and a half years. 181.5. At this weight I was only 14. I hated my body.
So my guardians decided they could not put up with me anymore and sent me to a year round outdoor wilderness camp for girls. MY LIFESAVER! I lost, and went down to 163. It was the only thing that kept me from hating life altogether. Well one of the only things....there was one other outlet that I found to keep me going, but in that instance I was a leach, I found one person that when I was with them everything was okay, when I left them, it would be okay for a little while cause I felt revived after seeing them or spending just a few minutes with them. Weird huh?! (If souls look down upon the world and were able to choose the woman who would raise them, I would have chosen her.) Wish in one hand and spit in the other and see what you got more of. Forget that.
Now I am 22, a mother of one, a survivor of domestic violence, and soon to be married.
Two months after I had my child I was 200 lbs. The highest weight I have ever been. I met my fiance in July of this year, and since then his mother has been helping me lose weight. I went from 200 lbs, to what I am now 175.0 in a little under 4 months. I've been drinking protein shakes twice a day with as much water as I can stand. I am so proud, and so relieved and so thankful, and protein is gross!
What is your problem then you are asking, I can't stop thinking about food. When I start eating, after I'm fed up with the protein I have like 2 sandwiches, or 5 pieces of candy, I can't just stop at one. I am so needy. I've had all the blood tests done, don't like taking appetite pills and am just disghusted that I think about food all day. Medically I need to be 136 to be condsidered healthy, I am 39 lbs over that. Am I afraid to be healthy. I believe that would make me happy about/with my body. What is wrong and how can I stop fantisizing about food?