Sep 27 2006, 07:50 PM
Little idiot, I think the SAM-e is working. Either that or it has one hell of a placebo effect!
Sep 27 2006, 07:56 PM
what is this SAM-e? technical term? going to the doc on friday to discuss options. i will wait out the st john's wort term of several weeks before i take anything stronger but just in case... i can't take this forever. it really, Really sucks.
Sep 28 2006, 08:42 AM
Yay Kello! I'm glad it's working for you. I definitely felt it working within the first 2 weeks.
The package I have says it contains "S-adenosylmethionine, Vitamin C and Riboflavin (Vitamin B-12)." The S-adenosylmethionine is the main ingredient, called SAM-e. I was just doing a bit more reading and found a site that claims that people taking high doses have reported headaches, upset stomach, dizziness and insomnia. I haven't had any of those, but I'm only taking 400mg a day. It also said something about the SAM-e being converted to homocysteine in the body, and high levels of homocysteine appear to raise the risk of heart disease.
I definitely think you should do some reading before you decide if you want to try it. Ask your doc, too--I haven't talked to mine about it although I probably should since I'm on other medications. Anyway, for me it was getting to a desperate point and I'm feeling so much better now, and Mr. Idiot and my friends and my mom have all noticed. I guess there are probably risks with SAM-e, but I bet they're less than the pharmaceuticals I was seriously considering taking.
There doesn't seem to be much info online, but here are the 2 sites I found:http://www.biopsychiatry.com/sameart.htmlhttp://www.wellnessletter.com/html/ds/dsSAMe.php
Sep 28 2006, 07:35 PM
Kello, yeah my therapist and I got into a huge fight over me not calling him when I was depressed. How depressed do I now feel for making him feel like shit...??
So, yeah. Had two seizures the other day at work (Tuesday) and woke up in a hospital. Went into a bad depression when I woke up. Work is being super cool about it though.
Roommate situation is still fucked up.
And, not to mention ghosts keep popping up, and my parents are coming down this weekend... ergh.
Sep 28 2006, 11:45 PM
how can i be depressed when i watch stuff like this?
look at all the socks and gloves and panties...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_78WceZ5jI...ted&search=
pepper loves socks.
Sep 29 2006, 12:13 AM
"With Jesus and black magic on my side..."
I luv you pepper!
Sep 29 2006, 07:38 AM
sassy-that's really sweet, my therapist had to work sooo hard to get me to call when i felt super duper bad, but man, it really helped me a lot! just to touch base for like 10-15 minutes in between sessions-there were times when i just needed to call. also, it was good practice, cause calling was sooo hard-asking for help, letting someone in when i'm feeling so vulnerable.
Sep 30 2006, 02:53 PM
My therapist made me promise to call him when I felt like hurting myself. He told me last session that every time his phone rings, he thinks it might be me. I felt weird about that but oddly touched that I'm on his mind enough to think of like that.
Loved the Dot video. Youtube is my new friend!
Oct 1 2006, 03:20 PM
I hate being depressed. I kept myself busy the last couple of nights, but sitting in my room and being bored drives me to feel more lonely. I don't have any close friends to call, and I've been listening to music and watching SVU reruns today to keep occupied. I hate feeling like this. I hate not having any friends to rely on, only acquantinces to hang out with for fun but who have their own friends and don't need me.
Oct 1 2006, 04:40 PM
AnnaK, I so know how you feel. I have a case of the serious Sunday blues. Relationship troubles. Body troubles. Boredom. I had a panic attack at the grocery store and had to leave. Have no butter in the house and all I want is some buttered bread. No one to talk to. Feeling very alone.
Anna, you've got us! Anonymous us. Sometimes I do feel better knowing I can come here and vent. I hope it helps you, too. Even just a little.
Oct 1 2006, 09:51 PM
Hi everyone. I haven't been in this thread for a while. I was doing okay but now I feel like I'm worse again. I've had urges to cut myself and I'm seeing all my old signs of depression come back. I know that part of it is issues with my dad; he's an alcoholic and we had a bit of a fight last week. I know that doesn't sound like much but it is. That plus I'm also having issues with my body again. I'm overweight and I just don't feel like I can even drag myself to the gym right now. I don't know where I'm going with this. I wish I just had someone to cuddle with and that I could fall asleep and then everything would be okay when I wake up.
Oct 2 2006, 09:26 AM
(((candycane))) (((kel))) (((anna))) nothing constructive to say, but much empathy.
i've been ranting all over the bust message board this morning, so might as well not change things here.
i ran out of effexor on friday. i was positive that my refill would come in the mail on saturday but no dice. uuggghhh withdrawl... i slept for 12 hours last night and woke up with a full body headache. coffee and advil helped a little, and after i finish complaining here i am going to shower, get dressed, and force myself to get out of the house. how stupid is running out of your prescription? gah.
Oct 2 2006, 10:25 AM
hey laurenann-i always would forget to refill mine, now i'm on the auto refill and they call me when my script is ready-sooo much better!
also, effexor is one of the worst to go off of, so i imagine missing a day or two would make a HUGE difference.
i've been feeling a bit low too this weekend. i felt great on saturday, then i got home and me and my roomie saw a mouse in the kitchen. ok, i know it's dumb and i'm trying to get over it, but i have a HUGE phobia. and, it's really weirdly triggering to me, and i feel like i'm not safe anywhere, i have no control, etc. all these feelings from a mouse! ack. i'm handling it a lot better than before, so that's good, but i also feel dumb....
i think one of the biggest struggles for me with my depression is trying to accept the world the way it is. i really have a hard time facing reality. i have a hard time walking in the world trying to "be happy" or whatever, and trying to live my life the best i can-but then i think about the reality of the world with so many people suffering and stuff, and i get so upset.
i get so overwhelmed thinking about the bad stuff in the world that i just wanna lay down and smoke weed and veg. i know that won't help, but what will? i'm trying to accept the good and the bad, but it's so hard to hold both.
gah...at least i went and worked out this morning, maybe that'll help to get me back on track.
Oct 2 2006, 05:18 PM
Egad, Lauren, I remember when I went off Effexor. It was hell. I sympathize with you. I run out of my prescriptions all the time. I am in so much denial about things like that. It's like I think bills will mail themselves, groceries will restock, and prescriptions will magically appear in my medicine cabinet. I'm always getting in trouble over stuff like that. I'm sorry you are having a hard time.
((((Candy)))) you need hugs. We all do. (((((((((((((((((Group hug))))))))))))))))))
Oct 2 2006, 10:46 PM
dr suggests paxil or effexor. what do i do? i expressed my concern over the withdrawl hell symptoms i've read about but she minimized it. she said that when considering a course of treatment like that you have to look at at least a year so getting off it is not an issue until much later but still... i have to stop taking it sometime, right?
please, some advice. i can't be going through horrible withdrawl now, a year from now or ever. that's just not any kind of solution i can live with.
Oct 2 2006, 11:30 PM
pepper, I don't know anything about Effexor but I was on Paxil for a little while. It caused me to gain a lot of weight so my doctor changed me over to Celexa. However, I changed right over so I didn't experience any kind of withdrawal symptoms. The only thing I've heard about Effexor is that you absolutely should not take it if you suffer from bulimia (not saying that you do, but it's just something I was warned about).
Oct 2 2006, 11:32 PM
oh, it can make me feel better and put on some pounds? that sounds great (not being sarcastic at ALL).
i have no appetite and i'm skinny to boot so you can imagine how that's playing out. you can see my bones. and i feel like crap. gah.
Oct 3 2006, 10:03 AM
Is anyone here struggling with migraines and depression? Because I've had trouble with depression in my life, many people, doctors included, assume that I am "making up" migraines for the attention, less work, etc...I'm a grad student/teacher, so it's wreaking havoc with my supervisors/advisors...The episodes have been so bad lately, and people have been so peeved/condescendingly "sympathetic", I'm thinking of just moving and getting another job...grr...anyone else have similar experiences?
Oct 3 2006, 10:11 AM
given what i've heard, i'd stay away from effexor unless the other ones don't work for you at all....
hmm about migraines. have you been diagnosed with migraines-or are they bad headaches? are you wondering if there is a connection between depression and migraines?
i've never had them, but my old swim coach did and I never realized how AWFUL they are-she'd have to go in a dark room with no sounds, smells, anything, and take very strong drugs and it was still really awful. even the next day she was really sick from it.
Oct 3 2006, 10:16 AM
I have been diagnosed with migraines since middle school, so I should be used to the ambivalent reactions from people by now...I think that I'm just frustrated because people assume that I use them as an excuse to slack off or cover up depression (which has actually improved for me)...((busties))
Oct 3 2006, 10:54 AM
i get migraines too. it's so awful, like what you described maddy. i end up in hospital hooked up to an IV.
totally by accident i discovered that T-3's work for me though, which is funny 'cause i get pukey migraines and codeine can upset your stomach but they work great for me (thank goddess).
i have heard that imotrex (for migraines) is a serotonin drug and that's what those pills for depression are for as well, the connection seems apparent then that a lack of serotonin or receptors is causing migraines and depression in some. i wonder what can be done to naturally boost serotonin levels and if it would be enough to have a noticable effect. it's worth looking into, anything to put off having to take those drugs. i don't want to take any kind of drugs at all. there is Always a chance that i've conceived with my partner so not only do i Not want to pop pills, i Can't.
Oct 3 2006, 07:07 PM
Pepper, I forgot to say that Paxil can either make you gain or lose weight. For me, I gained and considering that I'm already overweight, I wasn't too pleased. It's one of those things where it just depends on how it mixes with your body's chemistry. However, you should be careful. I read that young adults (18-24) where likely to have increased suicidal tendencies while on Paxil. That would explain why I used to feel like driving into oncoming traffic whenever I felt depressed.
Oct 3 2006, 08:02 PM
Effexor was the only drug I had withdrawal from when I went off of it. It was bad. Really bad, for about a week. Then it got better bit by bit. But I was dizzy, sick feeling, panicky, headaches, etc. Prozac worked for awhile. Then they tried Wellbutrin, which was idiotic of the doctors because I have a severe anxiety problem and that stimulated it. Then came Celexa which was a nightmare. And last came Zoloft. It worked for awhile and then I went off of it for a year. I went back on and became suicidal. I had one of two states: zombie or wanting to die. The Undead or on the brink of it. Now I only take Klonopin for the anxiety. I refuse to ever take a seratonin drug again given my experiences with them. I'm glad they help others, but I can't take them. The Sam-e a fellow Bustie recommended is helping. I still have depressive episodes, though. Just not quite as bad. And I still fight the urge to hurt myself. Fighting it right now, actually. Errrgh.
Oct 3 2006, 08:42 PM
candy, with my luck i'd drop a few pounds and start passing out when i stood up. farg. nasty about the increased suicidal tendancies, wow. and they still prescribe that stuff to depressed young people? (i'm 34 though, a bit past that danger zone!)
i'll try the SAM-e. the st john's wort isn't really making much of a difference but i thought i'd give it a bit more time and maybe give the 5htp a try as well. we'll see what happens. i'm on the natural seratonin booster hunt too. i'll find something.
Oct 4 2006, 03:18 PM
i don't know, effexor has worked well for me. i chose it because the doctor said it did not cause weight gain in clinical trials, and because it works on seratonin and norepenephrine - better than just one, right? the only bad side effect i had was wicked constipation. it is okay now, i just need to be anal about drinking enough fluids which i should do anyway.
but the withdrawl, ooh the withdrawal. my refill finally came in the mail today - i was off for five days. i have been big time dizzy, nauseous, and achey. i've been crying at work, which could be because of the lack of meds or just me working myself up over the lack of meds. did i mention the diarrhea? i hope it doesn't take five more days for me to feel back to normal.
i'm a little concerned about how bad i have felt. what kind of stuff am i putting in the body if being off of it for a few days makes me feel so crappy?
Oct 4 2006, 05:40 PM
lauren, I know how you feel. That's why I can't do anymore prescriptions for drugs like that. They worked for a while and served a very real purpose. But I just can't do it anymore. My body has had it. It's said, "Enough already!" I worry about the stuff I put in my body...I have to take Valtrex for herpes, and it gives me wicked headaches sometimes, but it's a trade off. Sometimes I wish I could be one of those faith healing believers. But for that, you gotta have faith, and I have a serious lack of that.
Oct 5 2006, 09:52 AM
Haha, Kello, you sound like me. My aunt and uncle discovered some guy in Costa Rica that can supposedly fix anything that ails you, and they've inspired most of the rest of my family to go down there and see him. He's apparently cured my uncle's diabetes, my cousin's paralyzing headaches, my other uncle's high blood pressure, etc. Idk exactly what he does but one thing is he convinces everyone to eat better foods. Anyway my mom wanted me to go down there with her and see this guy, but I can't imagine he could do anything for someone like me who would be so, so skeptical.
Oct 5 2006, 08:23 PM
Little idiot, I would be too skeptical, too. Hey, a good friend of mine lives in Costa Rica. I could always go down and see him and see the guru guy. It wouldn't be a wasted trip then, huh? My therapist is trained in hypnosis and he can't hypnotize me. He is apparently really good at it, but I just have a block up. If you don't believe, it's hard to make it work. He tried some creative relaxation techniques with me to help me calm the fuck down, and about 15 minutes in I had to interrupt and say, "Is this supposed to be doing something?" He was so disappointed. He teasingly calls me his "hardcase."
Oct 12 2006, 09:53 PM
hey...i hope this isn't too far off topic but i'm wondering if anyone out there knows about therapy in the absence of health insurance. i'm in a bad state right now...also, my boyfriend said he'd move out unless i sought help. i've been suicidal lately and i'm even thinking of popping into a church to talk to someone...! i'm going to look into what my school has to offer, but i'm so preoccupied and disorganized right now.
again, sorry to derail the thread...
Oct 12 2006, 10:09 PM
this thread is here for people to discuss depression, you haven't derailed it at all.
i don't live in the US but when i did for a couple of months i got free health care at a drop in clinic. do those only exist in san fran or are they everywhere?
the school may very well have something for you, or a church group. i went to women's counselling with a catholic group when i was assaulted by a boyfriend. they never pushed religion, ever, and it was very helpful. good luck.
i'm feeling a bit better. not sure if it's the st john's wort or the relief of knowing that i have paid time off from work until january. prolly that last one. no pressure.
why am i still so dang busy then? weird.
Oct 12 2006, 10:19 PM
i'm thinking of even going to *shudder* confession - not for the purpose of absolution but just to talk to someone for free. i was raised catholic so i at least know what i'm getting into here.
i think paid leave would definitely affect your mood in a positive way - you don't have to worry about survival during that time. good luck with that!
Oct 12 2006, 10:26 PM
I've heard of free health clinics, but I'm not sure where I would be able to find one in my area.
Try asking some therapists if they have a sliding fee scale, which means you pay what you can afford. I've done that a couple times and it did help. Also, some therapists offer a reduced rate if they find out you either don't have insurance or don't have a lot of money. You just need to ask around (which I know is very difficult sometimes, but it is worth it).
Asking someone at your school is a good idea, they should know where to go if you're having problems, and someone at the church should know too. If you're really going through a difficult time, try calling a crisis line just for someone to talk to. Often they know of organizations and groups you could get help from as well. Good luck.
Oct 13 2006, 08:05 AM
definitely check out what your school has to offer. A lot of schools have free short term counseling and then they can link you up with someone for long term.
Get some good numbers of crisis lines-or "warm lines" which are places you can call and just talk, even when you aren't in "crisis." Their goal is to prevent crisis in the first place.
Check out the church too-just try a few things out-i know it's hard but you definitely need someone to talk to, and probably some meds too, given that you are suicidal.
And you aren't derailing at all! this is exactly what this thread is for!
Oct 13 2006, 01:46 PM
opossum, good for you for at least looking into getting help. I think what everyone has said so far is basically all you can do. Just keep looking, and if confession makes you feel better than go for it.
Things have been going sort of okay for me. Yesterday my doctor gave me another prescription for Celexa only this time he cut the dose in half! I really want to get off of meds but he said it would still be another 9 months (6 minimum) that I would need to stay on it. Oh well.
The rest of the day went okay until one of my so-called friends joked that I look pregnant. Those weren't her exact words but either way, it stung. I'm fat, I know I'm fat. I don't need to be reminded. Fuck, it makes me wish I could just starve myself.
Oct 13 2006, 01:58 PM
dude, that's shitty! i hate those "friends" who "joke" about stuff, but really it's just an excuse for being a big meanie-pants. bleh.
i'm so impressed that you are going off your meds. i'm on celexa too-60 mg/day. i'm trying to ease back on my xanax again and hopefully this time i won't flip out-even though i'm on a low dosei think last time i tried to wean myself waaaay too fast.
the last two weeks i've been really struggling- all i REALLY want to do is curl up in my bed, smoke major amounts of weed, and just veg veg veg, put my head under the covers and not come up for like a week. I haven't been doing that at all, which is ihard! i've been trying to keep to my normal schedule and not miss work or appointments, as that just leaves me feeling so guilty later. it's hard though, when that's really all i want ot do.
Oct 13 2006, 07:57 PM
I've been feeling the same way, maddy. I mostly just feel like sleeping a lot but I'm trying to get out of that mode because I know it just makes me worse. It's just that school is getting so crazy. I'm losing track of the things I have due and I'm feeling like it's getting a bit out of control.
As for this "friend", I was talking to my other friend about it and she said "why do you stay around people like this?" and I told her that this was a first. It's like, after years of knowing this person all of a sudden she says something like that. What gets me even more is that she used to be the fattest person in our group of friends but she lost some weight and all of a sudden she thinks she's perfect or something. I don't know.
Oct 13 2006, 08:13 PM
thanks, everyone...i haven't jumped on getting help for myself yet but i think i'm going to try the school option. i'm feeling alright today. i feel distracted and a little stimulated, so my mind is off suicide (god, i cringe thinking about it but you know when it's just an undercurrent in your life...?).
candycane, fuck 'em. i hate it too when people think they're being snarky or sarcastic but end up hurting others to boost their own ego.
Oct 14 2006, 08:03 AM
((depressed busties)) oppossum78, I know how you feel...later on, it can feel traumatic just to think about how you felt when you were suicidal...undercurrent describes it perfectly...good luck with finding help at your school...
I have chronic migraines with severe pain (redundant i know), and after a particularly terrible two weeks, I've decided that I need to take some time off from grad school to take charge of my physical (and mental at this point) health...everyone from my advisors, to the director, to my mom tells me to stick it out, you can do it etc, so I've agreed to pick it up again on Monday...they aren't being unreasonable or mean...but I'm anxious and frustrated that I am miserable, scared, and just plain worn out...Everyone is trying to be understanding and accomodating by giving me more leeway, allowances etc...my problem is that I don't want allowances...I want to take time to get myself straight and then come back at 100 percent...people seem to think I'm weird/dramatic for wanting to take a semester off, I'm the queen of stoicism, but the pain was so bad I tried to write up a will this past week, because I thought I'd have a stroke...can I get a second opinion, busties?
x posted under chronic illness thread
Oct 14 2006, 12:26 PM
mamiwater, i don't think you have anything to worry about in terms of a stroke, since migraines have been found to be neurological (nerve) issue rather than a vascular (vein) one. strokes involve blood supply to the brain (or lack thereof...) and although a migraine may *feel* like your veins are going to explode, they are not directly affected.
i'm currently doing prereqs for nursing, so i know how you feel about school (although i'm not doing grad just yet). i don't think you're dramatic or weird for wanting to take a break. but i do think you should push on through - just give yourself the goal of until the end of the term and then you can reassess. i find that short-term goals help me steer myself away from feeling overwhelmed and like a failure...
have you tried using feverfew to help your migraines? also, citrus fruits, chocolate and red wine (damn!) are known triggers for them.
Oct 15 2006, 07:17 PM
mamiwater, I can understand your feelings about wanting to take this semester off. Especially with the pain of migraines. I've been lucky enough not to suffer from migraines but my mom gets them and I see how terrible they are. It sucks when you feel like you just can't do anything for school and everything needs to be put on hold. I hope you figure out what to do.
Oct 17 2006, 11:21 PM
I may be flying in from left field here, but has anyone been diagnosed/treated/medicated for Bipolar disorder (manic depression)?
Oct 19 2006, 01:13 PM
I have a question for anyone who might be able to help. I am on Celexa right now and last week my doctor agreed to cut my dosage in half. So I've gone from taking 20mg a day to 10mg a day. This is great but sometimes I feel a bit nauseous and have headaches. Is it possible for me to experience some minor withdrawal effects of Celexa just from lowering my dose? I've been looking at stuff on the internet but most of it is people who had bad experiences because they cut out Celexa cold turkey. If anyone knows of any links or info it would be very helpful.
anaisanais, I've never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Oct 19 2006, 07:53 PM
Candy, it's very possible you might be experiencing mild withdrawal symptoms. It happened to me when a dose was cut. It didn't last long, but that didn't make me feel any better at the time.
Oct 20 2006, 10:43 AM
i'm on 60 mg celexa, and im SURE i'll have icky withdrawals. i mean, it's a substance tha tyou are used to having in your body, so your body is now like what the heck??!!
Oct 20 2006, 10:09 PM
I feel a little strange posting in here. I havent been diagnosed with any form of depression, but im starting to wonder if i might have dysthymia. Anyone here suffering from itÉ(I dont know how to get my question mark back!)
Ive been feeling pretty bad since january due to family and personal stress, but in the last two months i just dont want to see anyone and i have more and more trouble sleeping, always feeling tired and achy, and in the last three weeks or so just crying like crazy. I dont know if its just normal stress but im afraid something bigger is underlying because im starting to feel like ive been feeling this way for months and months. We suspect my grandma had some form of depression and her mother had mental health problems. I dunno. I guess im just asking for some opinions, suggestions. Ive been thinking this was normal feelings for a long time but im feeling more and more helpless. Who do I talk to about thisÉ
(I was going to sexual assault crisis counselling but we ended it this week because the issues i am currently dealing dont have a lot to do with the assault. Now I wish id brought this up with her before.)
Oct 23 2006, 09:29 AM
hey erinjane-it could be that there's something going on- or it could be that you're going through a huge thing right now-with confronting and everything. could it be that? sort of leading up to the anniversary, and then feeling worse and worse, and then doing the confrontation which is of course going to make you feel awful....
can you go back to that counselor?
when you are crying, are you crying about something, or is is just like you're watching tv and all of a suddenyou're just bawling?
any change in birth control or meds in this time period?
Oct 23 2006, 06:13 PM
Got really depressed today. Although, being in a hospital for a week (seizures and severe panic attacks) and then being with my family for a week would depress anyone.
Also, dealing with the stress of getting back to work, and them not believing me. Jeebus. I felt like saying "Y'now, everyone is right. I faked a seizure, b/c I hate this job and company."
I must have cried for three hours today. Thank goodness I have therapy tomorrow night.
Oct 24 2006, 10:02 AM
Well, I ended the counselling for two reasons; 1, it was only short term 6-10 sexual assualt crisis sessions and I'd been for 7; and 2, I felt/feel like the assault issue is back on the shelf for a while and not the main thing anymore.
I felt really good for a couple of days up until the day after I quit counselling and realized that I feel the same damn way I've felt since last december. I guess I thought that by getting some amount of closure on the rape issue I would come out of this, but while I feel really good that I'm not thinking about that issue constantly, I feel as horrible as before.
And then looking back at the last 10 months I've realized how much I don't want to go out with friends, except for dinner with my three best friends, I have completely lost interest in sex, and in fact broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago (which was good, didn't add to the bad feelings at all), I spend almost all my time in my room by myself and feeling bad and not really knowing why.
I do have a lot of family stress and when that came out in December that's when I started to feel like this, but it's only in the last few weeks that I realize how looooong I've been feeling this way and how much i've stopped going out, and how little I enjoy myself when i got out with certain groups of people.
I've been trying to get involved with the women's studies crowd and that's been going well. On saturday I went to a small party at someone's house, but I really had to force myself to go. I felt super anxious the whole evening leading up to leaving the house, but once I got there I was fine. I'm glad I did go because I had fun and then I went home and was feeling really good and positive but woke up feeling just as down as before.
When I'm crying it's sometimes nothing and sometimes I'll start thinking about something someone said to me months and months ago and it sets me off. No change in HBC, no meds, nuttin. I haven't slept well for months either. It's really bad right now. I either can't fall asleep, or if I do, I keep waking up all night. I've started smoking more pot (more being once every week or two) because I feel like it's the only time I don't have to think. It's like an escape from my constant chattering mind.
I have this doctor (useless) who I've seen a few times and never does anything for me, but I'm going to try and see her today to see if she can refer me to an actual therapist. I've got an appointment with a new doctor on November 13th. (fingers crossed) I dunno if I'm just paranoid or if this is just normal stress or what the hell is going on but I'm starting to feel like I'm at the end of my rope here. I never have thoughts of hurting myself but just crawling into bed, quiting school and work is really appealing right now.
Oct 24 2006, 10:12 AM
yah, you need a longer term therapist. you have a LOT going on in your life and have for the past year. it makes a lot of sense that you'd be feeling crappy and overwhelmed. (i read about your grama in another thread
can you call your counsellor and ask if you can meet for the rest of your 10 sessions? cause you have three left, maybe that'll take the edge off until you find someone more long-term.
i'd imagine that you still have a lot to process about the rape, based on everything that happened in the past month or so-with confronting your rapist.
but, you said you aren't really thinking about the rape? you just FEEL really bad.
i remember you said one of your friends was all "oh ar eyou still upset about that?"- do you have any friends who are survivors or who understand? anyone in your life you can talk aboutthis with or who can support you?
Oct 24 2006, 01:14 PM
Christ, my doctor is useless. I did get in to see her today and she gave me someone's number and the women's centre I work at actually has her pamphlets up so I think I'll give her a call. I'm going to see if anything happens with that this week and if not I might see if I can see my short term counsellor for a couple of more weeks until I figure something out.
I wish I had friends who were survivors (well, yes and no because that would be another person to add to the statistics) but no one is around who's on the same page right now.
I did however, just tell my mom about everything, the assault included so she's being understanding. My nana has anxiety issues and my grandma suffered from depression but wasn't diagnosed until she was in her 70's, so we're keeping that in the back of our heads. My younger brother went to a psychologist at one point as well for very mild depression. I think I make myself paranoid by thinking about family medical history.
I think I posted in the confessions thread though that I feel like my friends will downplay what I'm feeling if I tell them, which I know is an irrational fear but it keeps me from saying anything for now.
Bah, this is a weird day. I feel like I need a good nights sleep right now. Thanks for the replies maddy.
Even venting on the net can be a help.