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I was talking to my five year old stepdaughter about the proper way to take shoes on and off so as not to ruin the back of the shoes as I had once done. She asked me which shoes had I ruined. I told her that they were my Doc Martens three holes. She said you mean your Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s? So sweet. And so smart.
Ok, this was a conversation between two co-workers of mine, one of which is a non-native speaker of English:

1st co-worker: You suck!

2nd co-worker: I am not a suck!
I can't remember if I already submitted this, but:

Part of a conversation I overheard at a coffee shop:

Man1: They're having a big party for me at the airport.

Man2: Which airport?

Man1: The one in my dreams.
omg ris, i'm laughing so freaking hard.

"i am not a suck"

ha ha ha ha ha!
aww, this was TOO good. About 6 teenage schoolgirls on my bus. One who obviously loves the sound of her own voice WAYYYYY too much announces loudly "I'm going to change my name when I'm 18. I'm changing it to Mercedes! Do you think I look like a Mercedes?" To which her droll friend replies, deadpan, "you look like a Honda".
OMG! Nice one.
tiny little squeaky-voiced 9-year-old, trying to play it cool on the bus:

"well well welly welly well...i love quoting a clockwork orange. come over here and i'll give you one in the yarbles!"

and then later:

"i was a wigger today. i was like 'ima pop a cap in yo ass, foo' and i had my hat all up like this..."

he was pretty entertaining.
Yelling, irate customer to me on phone at work:

"What's your name, Kate?"
Eeeeeehh heee heeeee heee...

Girl at work: "Erica was trying to fart in my general direction the other day."
Guy she was talking to:"Eewwww."
I had to watch Lady and the Tramp today at work with a bunch of little kids....

There's a line in the movie, said by the father while he's packing a suitcase, "Well, we packed enough clothes to go halfway to China!"

1st girl: Why are they going to China?
2nd girl: No, they are only going halfway to China!
1st girl: Well, why are they going halfway to China?
2nd girl: Ummmm...
3rd girl (who ignored the first two girls): Why are they leaving the baby and going to China?

Guess that went way over their heads...
On CNN, there was old video footage of Osama Bin Laden and my neighbor's 4 year old looked at him and said 'mom, is that god?'
Two (possible gay) guys at a restaurant:
guy 1: "should we get the chicken wings?"
guy 2: "and what? Eat with our HANDS!? No thank you."
2 guys, overheard outside the bar:
guy #1: "...when they try to pull you over, you just shoot 'em in the face."
guy #2: "that's fuckin' TIGHT, y'all!"

my friend and i burst out laughing and they turned and gave us dirty looks, and we laughed even harder. we couldn't help ourselves.

also, on the bus yesterday, i overheard a rather disturbing conversation between 3 teenaged girls, who were discussing their (apparently wide and varied) sex lives.
girl #1: "i had sex in your bed."
girl #2: "ew. well i had sex in your bed."
girl #3: "i had sex in your bed...with myself ."
girl #2: "uh...i did not know that. what, while i was sleeping?"
girl #3: "yeah."

and then they started talking about sperm in their beds. whose spermies were in whose bed and all that. classy.
My father just told my 5-year old brother (they don't live here but they came over for dinner) to come inside and eat, and I heard my brother say, "You must have been a cop a long time ago, cause you're so mean."
at home: (lying on couch, with daughter, watching the tele about to yell at daughter for continued stomping me in the butt)
ME: Hey! Stop it, NOW!
IVY: but...... ooohhhh mommy(very dramatic) I LLLOOOOVVVVEEEE your booty!
ME: WHAT??!!?? (confused look on face)
IVY: your booty..... it's so (pause) FLUFFY.... and soft. So nice to put my feet on.....
ME: um, ok.....?
voodoo_princess - . I love it!
This one wasn't overheard, it was a guy talking to ME. We were talking about a co-worker who is gay and VERY closeted, and it's one of those deals where everybody knows anyway but the guy is closeted and doesn't think anybody knows, and he takes serious offense at anything "gay-ish".

Me: So, that's why B has such a problem with J.

My friend: I don't get why B is so anal about being gay.
oh! the Osama post!

my friend's oldest just turned 2. a few months before he turned 2 he saw a magazine with a likeness of Osama Bin Laden on the cover. He looked at the picture for a while and said

"Serious man"

Last week they had a dead bird in their yard so she took the baby out to look at it. He has never encountered the concept of death. They looked at the bird for a while and he said:

"that bird is very sick and grumpy"
Ok, kids are funny:

Hip, young mom in a record store with kid around 5 yrs old.
Kid: Look mom, the Ramones! We like them!
Mom: Yes, we do!
Kid: I farted again.

The "again" and seemless, matter-of-fact way he said it had me in stitches.
LOL, that reminds me of something...

Man: Did you just fart...?
Woman: Of course I did! Do you think I always smell like this?!?
Ooo! Very good comeback :-)

I was in line at CostCo this weekend, and these four highschool girls were chatting behind me, and they were actually really witty. I can only wish I was so coherent and witty in highschool. (I was a spaz.) They even had good comical timing. Anyway, I was entertained, but the only part of the conversation I really recall went like this:

1st Girl: There's a great shop in Seattle(?) called The Tree House that does really cool clothes for kids, and I think all the proceeds go to a foster kids program.
2nd Girl: I think they have one of those in L.A. too.
3rd Girl: You know what else they have in L.A.? Private wrestling!
1st Girl: Well, yeah, that's what I'm planning on doing after I graduate: private wrestling.
4th Girl: Yeah, that's whole reason why I go running after school. It's to train for that job.

It reminded me of humor between BUSTies :-)
At home last night....
daughter: "I'm gonna be a redneck-hillbilly when I grow up!"
me: (cringing) "ok..... what exactly IS a redneck-hillbilly hunny? What do they look like?"
daughter: "like this...." (throws fist up and makes face) SEE PHOTO LINK....
(hee, she looks more like an angry lil' feminist)
Yeah she does, doesn't she? For some reason she associates the "fist raised" action as a redneck-hillbilly thing..... who knows???? she kept doing it over and over again... hee hee hee...
written on a bumpersticker on the back of a beat up chevy with a towel hanging out the window and a dirty old man behind the wheel

"unless you're a hemorrhoid, get off my ass"

there was something so cringingly gross about the situation.
you know what a good term for boobs is? sweater meat. it's, like, the most offensive way to refer to boobs. it's like when you call the...other thing (gesture towards my crotch) a ham wallet.

i thought the whole thing was funny. it was one of my weirdo male friends (we have an odd relationship dynamic in my group of friends, and this kind of thing doesn't bother me). i just loved how he couldn't bring himself to refer my cunt directly before stating the most offensive thing to call it was a ham wallet. he couldn't bring himself to call it something less offensive? honestly, i'll never understand boys
This wasn't really overheard so much as seen in midtown Manhattan, by Mr.Luci:

Clown, in full make-up and clown regalia, zooms past on a bicycle, chased by a fat Asian man in a business suit.

I wish I had been privy to whatever exchange led to that chase.
lucizoe, it's really a good thing i had already swallowed my tea. or else my computer would have been introduced to some roobois mint iced tea! man, i would pay to have seen that
oh. ham. wallet.

i am DYING over here.
This is the conversation that took place between my two friends:

Friend 1:."is this the Miami, or New Orleans CSI"
Friend 2: "What New Orleans one"
Friend 1:"no, you know the original one"
Friend 2: "that's in las vegas"
Friend 1: "oh"
Friend 2: "why did you think it was in New Orleans"
Friend 1: "well the song in the begining"
Friend 2: "what about it?"
Friend 1: "you know the "New Orleans, woo, woo, woo woo" song"

I laughed my ass off
at home last night.... son is walking down hallway and comes into my doorway and tells me...
Son: I wish I had facial hair (he's 9)
Me: (laughing) WHY?
Son: Then I could shave.... like a real man
Me: uh.... hhhmmmm (what could I say?)

I guess this comes from the fact that he is in LOVE with that stupid "I AM MAN" burger commercial.... and just last year he was wearing my silk nighties and claiming he "loved the way they felt on his skin"..... kids are confusing!
And then you'd refer to a woman's poontAng as a spam purse.Oh yes indeedy.
Ok, I said this but it was damn funny (and unintentional).

At ten-pin bowling:

friend: "So will the boy play when he comes to collect you?"
me: "no, he only plays with his own balls."
bunnyb - that reminds me of something that I saw on The Ellen Degeneres Show. SHe was asking the cast of The West Wing if they were going to take anything with them after the show ended. Allison Janney, totally serious, told Ellen shw was taking "the President's balls."
Apparently, there were some decorative glass paperweights on his desk. I never noticed them until the final episode where they got a long lingering close up.
Some 1st graders rudely asked me to get something for them. I told them I would only if they apologized and asked nicely.

1st boy: I am so sorry madame. You are a queen. (bats eyelashes)
2nd boy: (Begging on his knees) Now will you please pretty please give it to us?
graffiti on a house:

Christie McAlister CANNOT RELAX!
I was walking home when I saw some graffiti on the sidewalk in front of a house that said:

Robert is a ferry!

Um, I'm pretty sure they didn't mean he looked like a boat. :-)

Also, my future brother in law wrote us a postcard from Europe that said:

We took a fairy to England today.

All I could think was him and his friends being carried over the water by a sparkly little fairy.
that or they found a bottom who was a really good swimmer! :P
Thanks, Squealy. From now I'm changing the lyrics to "Who Are You".
50ish year old guy: This has been going on for a year, it's like she's the only woman who's ever given birth...Shiloh is a nice name though.

If I didn't lurk in Celebrity Gossip, I would have no idea who he was talking about.
actually, 50ish year old guy: it's not been a year, it's been nine months!
Bizarre exchange between a teenage girl and her mum (I assume) in the park:
Girl: "What are you, a woman?"
Mum: "Yes"
"Dude, have you ever seen a dread mullett? Its like, a drullett."

Oh, wait, maybe this belongs in Crimes of Fashion...
This customer where I work totally has a drullet! And it's grey, because he's old.

My Overhead item is something someone said on another message board in a thread about Devendra Banhart:

"I like his music.

And I'd have sex with him if he took a shower beforehand."
Young teenager to another, in front of the local library:
"That's for putting fucking pepper spray in my tuba!"
This is both Overheard and Inadvertently Inappropriate, so I'm cross-posting:

In a meeting today (I'm a marketing writer), we were discussing the re-branding of one of the company's service lines. The marketing rep for that service line was particularly thrilled with one change - dropping the tagline that's been used with the logo for years, often on the shirts they wear at trade shows. Her statement:

"As a woman, I don't particularly want to walk around with 'Fast, Efficient and Easy to Use' across my chest!"
i had the worst, awful, horrible bus and train and then another bus commute home today, and i had to sit next to the worst people ever--on the first bus, a woman yelling about dope addicts and on the train a man muttering "shut up faggots" under his breath over and over--so how happy was i when these two chubby, late teens hispanic guys sat down next to me on the last bus. they were wearing yoshinoya uniforms (a fast food chain) and their conversation was so funny and awesome and they reminded me of my guy friends back east. it made me so happy. here are some gems:

guy #1: yeah, my back hurts today, not as much as yesterday but it still hurts
guy #2: what you need to do is, go lie down on your couch. do it for like ten minutes.
1: (pause) what makes you think i have a couch?
2: oh that's right, you do live in half a house

1: what is his name? costco?
2: bosco
1: psh, what's the difference
2: has a b

1: (referencing the fitness ads on the bus tv thing) see that barbie in the commercial? you know she was a cheerleader in highschool. she wasn't fat.
2: yeah, it takes work for that
1: (looks down at his chubbiness) yeah, three years of working at yoshinoya!

i heart them.
The "dread mullet," ha! For a few minutes, I was thinking "What, like the Dread Pirate Roberts?" Mullets are to be dreaded in general, I do believe!
Today in protest of the war, a huge crowd of naked bicyclists (don't ask, this is San Francisco, where people will find any excuse to be naked in public) rode down Market St. As I was standing there watching them, a random lady came up to me and said, "I see of few of 'em that look like they need to make a date with the tweezers" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
eww I can't imagine riding my bike naked. That seems like a vaginal infection, painful chaffing, and sore boobs waiting to happen.
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