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Dear R,
I am so glad that you finally got the message and decided that I was no longer the type of friend you needed. I must admit that I thought you were just going to fade away and forget about me. Alas you still seem to think that we still have some kind of 'connection'. We don't. And have not had one for many years. Not since we smoked pot together when we were fifteen. You have no idea about the real world and just because I do not agree with IVF does not mean that I have something "mentally wrong with me". The fact that you tried IVF six times at $10,000 a pop would surely seem that you do not have all your faculties. But hey, I'm not one to judge. Getting married at 21 and having as many babies as possible is your groove, not mine. I never agreed with your decision to marry so early and was in fact going to boycott your wedding.

Also, telling me that I had killed an unborn child by having an abortion was simply the most callous things a person could say. Especially when you had had one too. So you regret it ever day, that's something that you may have to address. I do not regret ever having a termination and never have. It was the right decision for me at the time.

I am glad that I no longer have to be a part of your "family values" world. It's not me and never will be. I am a 33 year old single university student and have never felt so free to be who I am in my little tourist town.
Right by the sea.
Dear Universe,

So P's cancer has spread to her brain.

She's such a wonderful person.

Is it really necessary to put her through this? Please at least don't put her through a lot of pain.
(((anarch's friend P))) How scary, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. (((you)))
Dear you,

Whew. Aren't you lovely, a sweetheart who also has some dominating tendencies. I could so go for you, you're apparently both decent and sexy.

For now I'll just say you've reaffirmed my faith that there are some lovely guys out there still. You even do good text.

I don't necessarily trust myself around you so I guess I'll just wish you well. Stay awesome.

Sincerely, me
Thank you, sybarite.

(Also, hallelujah for the existence of lovely guys!)
Dear Goddess,

I love you and your wily ways, truly do, sincerely will, but if just one thing could go my way, I'd be so much more obliged. So much more believing. Make this upcoming year a good one?

Happy boyfriend who might just clean up the kitchen on occasion. I love him, but that boy needs to chill out and take charge.

A job would be even better.

And the best of luck to my Dad and brother in their life events. smile.gif

Protect us with love,
Dear C******** Medical Center ER Nurse Practitioner,

You dropped the ball. You really did. You had a patient present with a grossly distended abdomen, which you could have felt and given the proper diagnosis of ascites. Instead, you didn't do shit and you diagnosed her with GAS. WHAT THE FUCK??? GAS??? Her abdomen was full of fluid, fucktard. That's a symptom of a number of bad things, namely cancer.
So you provided shitty service, but you still want to be paid? Fuck you. My mother has stage 4 peritoneal cancer. TERMINAL. And you diagnosed her with gas because you were to lazy to simply touch her, and feel the fluid that was building up inside her. You aren't getting that fucking money.

Dear Dad,
I'm not going to tell you this directly because I know how rough all of this is on you. But the fact is, scores of people have cancer. Some live, some die. Those who die assuredly had people praying for them, just as the people who lived had people praying for them. Whatever happens will happen, whether or not I pray to a god I don't believe in. I wish you would realize what you're saying. Do you think your god frowns upon the people who didn't make it, and smiles only upon those who live? There's no deity in this. It's a nightmare from which we cannot awake. Nobody can save any of us from it, human or deity. If she lives, it will be because she was able to withstand all of this chemo, and because her cancer cells could not. Its as simple as that. Instead of looking to a deity for strength, we have to look within ourselves. Hokey, yes, but that's what it really comes down to.
I'm sorry I cannot be with you two. Life doesn't pause for tragedy. If I pause, then I'll be quickly ruined. I hate it, but that's how it is when you aren't even living paycheck to paycheck.

When a friend sings at your wedding, composes and reads a reading at your wedding, hosts rehearsals at her house, photocopies 120 hymns, jointly organises your hen party with your actual bridesmaid, organises the choir on the day, and sings again at your reception.... you make sure that friend gets THANKED in the goddamn speeches!

Oh, and you don't make the first message you send her after you get back from honeymoon a request for another favour.

Miffed Faux-Bridesmaid (all the work, none of the glory or champagne)

sad.gif ((jsmith))

dear brother,

the reason your life sucks is that your so incredibly selfish you cant see anything in this world but you and what you dont get. you smoke pot and watch movies all fucking day every day, what do you have to complain about?

i am a happy, if unemployed, single mother of two. all i asked of you is that you come for a 5 min drive, wait in the car with the kids while i ran into the store, picked up my order and left. i didnt even have to pay for it. but you cannot handle sharing your proximity with children, even two well behaved children strapped in to car seats that you didnt even have to talk to (even tho they love you and include you in all their drawings).

so enjoy your movie, asshole. i took two toddlers into the lumber yard by myself and i kept them under control, loose mind, not even strapped in, while carrying my load of wood. i can handle my life, even if i ask for help sometimes, and it consists of much more than entertainment trivia.

fuck you man,
(((jsmith & archegonia)))

Dear TLC,

Please stop rewarding families who cannot practice family planning by giving them their own television show.

Sorry for the double post....

Dear supervisor,

You overreacted by cc'ing an email with people who did not need to be included. You did not follow protocol with me. No verbal warning with me. No notification about sharing this news with others about my performance. It really reflects on your poor professionalism and rush to judgment. The fact that you shared this information via email speaks of your own discomfort with conflict.

I know you are trying to help me, but, punitive measures does not serve either of us. Follow your own rules of following protocol. I will use your feedback which I know will help me in the end. I'm just hurt that you did not feel comfortable to share this news with me first. But, I won't make an issue about it. I'll move on.


Dear me,

All of those painful supervisory experiences have taught you how to play the game. Play it. Put your game face on. Don't let them get to you. You are strong. Your overall performance and leadership speaks volumes about your abilities. Do not let this feedback get to you.

Thanks Girls.

Dear PCM,
Lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub, LUB-DUB, LUB-DUB
Be careful out there, please.

Dear Universe,
Why do all of these jarring things happen at once?

Dearest Mom,
I'm not letting you give in, and I'm not going to let you sabotage yourself. If you don't want to do what the doctors tell you you need to do, I'll ride your ass until you do it biggrin.gif
-Your Loving Progeny
Dear E,

Please send the email. I don't care if it's the last one, it's just cruel to leave me hanging here like this.

yours, s

Dear letter thread,

Thank you for the space to vent frustration, what a relief!

Dear C

I heard my ex is moving in with you. I feel very sorry for you.

I know he has not healed enough from the shit he put me up with although he said he learned his lesson after the old fashioned stake-out i had outside of his one of many girlfriends' house. He said it changed him and that i've woken him up and that he became a better person.

I have proof he is cheating on you also, you can find it on the internet. I'm pretty sure he cheated on me with you and a whole bunch of other girls.
I wish you all the brightness to see right through him. Or, if you cannot see through him and will have a baby by him, get the jackpot alimony out of him since the best way to get to him is through his bankaccount.

Dear M,

I hate it that you are talking to her. HATE it. I hate it all the more that I am the one that brought her back to you. You'd have never sought her out on your own.

She's one of two people that have ever had a stronger hold on your heart than I do. She is still exquisitely beautiful after all of these years; she makes Angelina Jolie look like a fucking peasant. She's still brilliant, funny, & wonderfully weird. And she's gonna break your heart all over again & throw you away like she did before. And I'll watch from the sidelines because there's nothing I can do about it. And I'll continue loving & hating you both because I simply cannot help myself.

dear scrotum,

bahahahaa! flowers!? are these what you spent the missing child support on?

f u,

dear employers and literary journals,

all you know of me is my words, organized and submitted to you along with a thousand other applicants and submissions. but i'm a real person. i have two beautifulkids who are enjoying me being home with them. but i need to feed them. i'm busting my ass.

my collection of rejection letters is getting discouragingly high. i think you should know i'll be the best thing that ever happened to you.

smile.gif a

dear self,

sigh. i know, but get off the computer and make your kids smile. it'll all work out in perfect time.

love, a

ps @ synergy: well put, stay strong
Dear self.

Are you still boggeling your mind about your ex? Why?! Why for cryin' out loud!
Does it help you? No! Do you waste energy doing this? Yes!

So please dear self, stop agonizing me!
It is of no use, please get that in your head. You will never understand the way his mind works an why he did all that shit. And you know he is doing it all over again, so this is a shitfuck first class. He is not worth your energy. Are you listening? He is NOT WORTH YOUR ENERGY!

dear best friend in the whole world,

honey. you're not happy. you haven't been for a long time. i know that you're just on the verge of realizing this and that its going to hurt a lot for a long time but on the other side of that mountain lies happiness.

i think he resents you. not your beautiful self (cuz he seems to be completely blind to your radiance) but your situation. he loves his daughter but he blames you for his having to be a man. which i don't think he's being very well.

you're not happy. i will support anything you decide to do and i'll hold you up when your world falls down.


dear scrotum,

you are so completely out of touch with reality. you make it seem like you've busted your ass for you children for their entire lives yet you seem to forget you have a daughter at all, in all your pain of missing your son. i understand that being away from them or 'him' as you put it, must be the worst thing there is. its certainly the worst i can imagine.

when i say do something about it i mean: pay off your shit, look for work where we are, send them letters, come visit. i dont mean: take me to court and disrupt their lives farther. you fucking moron.

the only things you've ever been asked to do for your children are:
1. talk to someone. councilor, psychologist, a fucking nun, for all we care, just some one to help you with reason and to help you deal with stress instead of hurting others when you cant handle your life.
2. get off the pot. it doesnt effect you the way it effects others. its bad for your thought process.

if you want to be the best dad you can then dont make up your own reality in which their mother is the antagonist. get real. i want you to be in their lives. i just dont fucking trust you're soundness of mind. prove me wrong.

or choke on something,
Dear T,

I really really really sometimes wish you would just shut the fuck up. You are not educating anybody, you are not passing on any new knowledge. Seriously. It's condescending & lame to go to such great lengths to explain something the rest of us already understand/know, Princess Obvious.

It is especially annoying when you just mindlessly parrot back things you have read (That were written by people much smarter than you!) & you bungle it. At best you only understand about half of what you have read, so it makes you look foolish & others feel embarrassed when you rant ad nauseum.

God, you make my fucking head hurt. I know it makes me petty & small, but that is how I feel.

i miss you. i wish you would go away and get out of my head so i can stop. you are no good for me. i just wish i wasn't so easy to be forgotten. i hope someday we can be friends, but i don't know how i'll ever be able to forgive you for this. i'm glad i have bust so that i could avoid actually sending you an email. i think about you every day, i can't wait for that first day that i don't anymore.
Dear x,

I miss you. I hope you realized what you meant to me and that it helped you to find peace. Yes, I knew a lot more about you than you thought. I knew a lot of the bad things. I knew you cheated on her -- that you would have cheated on her with me if I had let you. I knew that you didn't feel deep love for her, and if you had been in her position you'd have found a way out.

The other night I saw some old photos on a FB page. None of us or our gang, but some from the same parties we went to. How I miss those days! You were everything to me. No one else really mattered, only you and the music. I was so happy so many times with you, a bliss I have only rarely felt since. You broke my heart, but you gave me joy. I'd do it all over again.

The feelings from those years are still all here, just below the surface, what I thought was lost forever. Being able to access these memories is a blessing. Seeing the photos brought it all right back, so near it was astonishing, like I could walk through a door and be there again. No other time in my life has such resonance.

Now your grieving widow has made her own version of you, and everyone kindly accepts it, because the survivor writes history. But I keep our secret history. The diary of our dancing days, when you were young and healthy and at your best. How sad that it was so, that your best days were over so soon after we broke up, even though you wouldn't know it for another three years.

You wrote me coded messages, in case she read them. I understood. Thank you for letting me know. If you had asked, I would have come to you, held your hand and sang our song. But she had earned her position, and I genuinely thanked God that you had someone to care for you. I could not intrude and you could not betray.

If only, if only, if only we could have met one last time and talked about our old days. All these memories are now mine alone. All the trips, all the clubs, all the concerts, all the jokes and the songs. I thought I couldn't remember, but when I open the door, the memories come so clearly that it's painful and I have to stop them.

If only we could have had one last conversation.
To all the men that I have ever slept with.
I HATE YOU ALL!! And to the woman I once slept with. You are beautiful. And I'm sorry I'm not/ can't be bisexual.
Ps. All you men are fucking insane to pass my ass up. Fuck you all (again). but with a crowbar.
Dear Mr S -

I haven't thought of a good handle for you yet, so Mr. S it is, for now.

you are fucking awesome. how the fuck did I manage to have you drop into my world?

not complaining, though. not even close.

your girl..x


QUOTE(datagirl @ Mar 27 2011, 03:06 AM) *
Ps. All you men are fucking insane to pass my ass up.


Dear Oxytocin Man,

you've shown that you really are as tuned in to a woman's nonverbal signals as your dating anecdotes suggested you are. Also, you've shown you have class.


I'm sorry I can't explore that feature of yours personally. I bet you're a fucking amazing, mind-&-body-blowing dom.

/biting my knuckle, whimpering

Sending vibes to the universe to hurry your ideal partner along to you, ASAP. (though, I have no doubt she's worth waiting for, just like you are)

God dammit.

I mean I'm pretty damn lucky as far as my partner goes. It's just that sexuality is a darned powerful force, and considering that I fucking TOLD my partner exactly what I needed & fantasized about, before I said "yes," and he said it would be no problem, but he's never yet been able to bring himself to do anything like it (except that once when he did it so reluctantly it put me off ever asking again)...

/annoyed that every one of my sexual partners has been too fucking vanilla to scratch my VERY FUCKING MILD sub proclivities. No bruises or humiliation necessary. Jesus Christ. Now I wish I'd checked out the BDSM scene in Toronto when I had the chance.
dear crunchy granola mothers of a certain website's comments thread:


it is NOT SAFE. it does not predispose to SIDS, it predisposes to SUFFOCATION. an adult, sleeping in an adult bed, with thick adult bedding, with an infant that cannot roll on his/her own, is a recipe for disaster.

there are other, safer ways to bond with your child.

concerned and exasperated COCL
To my shitty boss:

Would it actually KILL you to even PRETEND to support me?

Seriously! I wonder if you've somehow entered man-opause this year. You USED to support me, even laugh and chat with me; maybe you don't remember those days, but you told me so many inappropriate and unprofessional things about other coworkers, which I have not forgotten, so... seems like you'd be a tad nicer now. But, I'm sure you've forgotten about all that, haven't you? Well, I remember.

And I plan to use it against you once I've had enough of your babyish ways. But you don't even think I'm capable of getting back at you. Because you obviously don't think I have a brain. Or feelings. Or good ideas.

What I DO have are the balls that you seem to have lost this year, ever since you didn't get promoted--which you did NOT DESERVE in the first place, so get over your damn self!

I'm much better at my job than you are. And one day, one day soon, I plan to be YOUR boss!


Dear fucking in-laws,

I don't like the way you do things, I don't like the way you treat your son (my partner), I don't like the way you try to worm your way into every fucking thing, I don't like the way you feel the need to express every negative opinion you have, and I really don't like you that much either.

You better not fuck this up tonight. I'm highly hormonal and your son is sick. If you do anything tonight to piss me off, you have no idea the shit you will stir up, no idea the wrath that will rage down on you. I don't want you there tonight. I don't think you need to be involved with this. I'm trying to be nice and support my partner who wants you there. I think it's a fucking stupid idea. ESPECIALLY given how you behaved in August. But I'm trying to rise above.

Be on your best behavior. Don't fucking cross me tonight.

dear revenue canada,


who's gonna clean up this mess?


Oh. my. god.

You just don't get it, do you? Do i really have to spell it out? After all that unecessary drama and the fuckery and the fact that you can't let anyone get close to you (though you prefer not to dwell on this fact) you want to rekindle our friendship? My talking to you a couple weeks ago was the proverbial olive branch. You didn't feel things getting awkward after we talked for a while?

I feel sorry for you, that you drive people away, i can see that your behavior is just a facade, a mask. But i can't help you. We can't be friends. When in a social setting we can talk, shoot the shit. But that's it. You did not take responsibility for your actions. You tried to put the blame on me and when i refused to let that happen you became manipulative. I do not need someone like that in my life. As much as i hate to admit it, you hurt me. I fell for you and you crushed me. You really did. And i cannot be friends with someone who does that and tries to act all cool after time has passed as if nothing has happened WITHOUT EVER APOLOGISING OR TRYING TO OPEN UP A CONVERSATION ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

And we didn't meet up for over a year. So why now? You're probably lonely, and i can't believe i feel bad about that. But i do. And that's why i find it hard to have to tell you we're through. The kicker is that we were never really friends. We had a nice time hooking up but.....that passed. And you made sure that it got to be one sticky hot mess.

Yeah..okay. We met up after that now and then, for drinks. But i was never really comfortable. I tried to let things go. But in the end real friendships don't work like that. Not for me. Can't say i felt too good, afterwards.

In the end it's a shame that you couldn't talk to me about your flip flopping ways and mental U-turns. I could've learned you a thing or two. And don't think i forgot what you told me. Remarks. About other girls. About friends. It makes me wonder what you may have been saying behind my back.

And. This letter is getting way too long and it really shows i need to break ties with you (which i myself did a long time ago, but you can't seem to get a clue and run with it) because the length of this post says enough about the excess of energy i still put into thinking about your cruel ways.

So. Goodbye then.

You're a lucky son-of-a-bitch. Nobody else would or will put up with the stupidness that I put with, not even your mother. happy.gif

Dear D,
Thanks for the lend of the e-reader (that doesn't work) and for pulling my flatmates car out of the gutter.

However, I don't think you like me as much as I like you. You're going to hurt me and make me crazy because I'm falling in love with you. I know that it would never work on a permanent basis but this is a small town and I don't think I could handle running in to you if we parted ways which we have to do. Please go overseas for a really long time (although you have no intention of doing so) just so I can get some space between me and you. I will have to get a job or get super busy to forget you.

You're a great guy but I hate that I only get to see you for forty minute intervals. This keeps me on my toes though and prevents me from getting bored. My expectations of men are too high and this is why I should remain single.
I love you.
Dear Pablo,
Jesus H. Christ. Lighten up.
Dear Mother-in-law,

So today we went out for an early Mother's Day Lunch. It is my very first Mother's Day. For the past 6 years, I have gotten you a card and we have paid for your meal.

Today was no different except that for the first time I was also a mother on this day.


I wished it to you THREE TIMES. Even at lunch when Mr. Z said, "And it's your first Mother's Day!" (to me) you said nothing.

I do not get you. HOW could you be so rude and thoughtless? We normally have an okay relationship even though it's very hard for you to share your feelings and be open. I am not sure if on some subconscious level you are jealous of having to share this day since your son (and only child) is pretty much all you have, but you hurt me tremendously.

Mr. Z was kind enough to call you and ask what happened...I am so thankful to him for that, but he seems to be going along with your excuse that you "just forgot." HOW CAN YOU FORGET? This wasn't my birthday. It was MOTHER'S DAY. And I wished you a Happy Mother's Day, so it's not like you forgot the day.

I find it hard to believe you forgot I was ALSO A MOTHER seeing as my child was sitting next to me at lunch.

I make a lot of concessions because my husband is pretty much all you have in the world, and I try to be understanding of that. I can't believe you would be so cruel as to do anything consciously, but there must be some weird ass subconscious crap going on if you could not even answer me back.

Three times I wished you Happy Mother's Day and you just smiled and said thanks.

I know I shouldn't hold grudges, but I feel like I deserve to hold onto this one at least for a little while.

Steaming mad,
(((zelda))) Happy mother's day to you, Zelda!
THANKS, Stargazer!
ms. mombie,

the only reason i didn't unfriend you a long time ago is that i like your husband, and he and i used to be tight. i find you to be self-absorbed, patronizing and air-headed. these combine to make you absolutely and completely rude. a year ago, when you refused to let us know whether or not we could expect you--and your husband--and your two children--at our small reunion party? rude. ten years ago, when you refused to let me know whether or not you'd be available as a roommate (which i desperately needed in order to stay in town)? rude. today, when you haven't spoken to me or my roommate since LAST summer (see above), and you commented on a photo to say that you wished we lived closer--so we could BABYSIT FOR YOU? yeah, i was absolutely looking for a part-time job to add to my full-time one. so gracious of you to think of us as your potential employees--or maybe you were thinking we would just do it as a favor, out of the goodness of our hearts. perhaps i should jump for joy at the thought of getting to take care of your offspring. i'm sure they're lovely, i really am. (really.) but really? i guess i should feel sorry for you; you really don't seem to have an identity any more beyond being a married mommy. but, no, i continue to be amazed at the boundlessness of your rudeness. seriously, what the hell?

dear someone somewhere,

i feel like a hamster running a wheel. i feel like i try try try and work work work and never see any results. its hard. its so fucking hard.

and they're both impossible to get to sleep. and they dont sleep through the night. he's up there screaming. literally screaming. he's never done this before. usually we talk about what's frustrating/angering/saddening him and then i hold him and he falls asleep but he's going through this new phase this week where he doesnt want to talk about things. in fact he doesnt even want to hear my voice. and it was trying to talk to him that started this screaming. and he doesnt want comfort. so what do i do for him? what can i do? who do i ask?

i read parenting articles and books. i love them all day long. but i'm all by myself. my EI is up in 2 weeks. 2 weeks. what am i going to do? when we're all 3 crying and i'm the only one who knows why what am i going to do?

Its been a roller coaster of emotions for 2 years now..

So to all who have decided how I am such a bad person.. Judge not least you be judged.

And to all my past friends.. you were never a friend .. for a friend would not forget you and watch you through a window with no word..

Dear (ha!) DeAnna,

You have shown yourself to be a scary pathological cunt. I wish I had never introduced you to Shane. You have manipulated, emasculated and effectively neutered him whilst systematically turning him against me. I thought you two would be a good match, but then again, I thought you were a good person. I also thought you were my friend. I don't think I've ever been so wrong before or since.

You sunk your poisoned talons into John and tried to turn him against me as you did your husband. You told John lie after lie after half-truth after exaggeration. You planted seeds in his mind that turned into noxious weeds that I am still trying to kill. Many people have told me their suspicions that you are in love with John, and this was your twisted way of trying to win his affection, trying to get him on your side. Other people have told me that what you did sounds like nothing more than intense jealousy. Both theories make a lot of sense to me, though they don't excuse what you attempted to do.

My friend T. (who you know, who now knows what a psycho you are) tells me that, in a way, I should feel some sort of satisfaction and pride that you went to such lengths to copy my life, from the profession you chose to pursue after seeing me achieve so much success at it, to the hobbies and talents that you claimed to have after seeing the attention I receive for them, even to the books that you claimed to have knowledge of. It's frightening how deep your obsession with me goes.

I have effectively written you off. I know that you are scum. I know that you are sick and not worth my energy. I know you are a miserable person and the things you tried to do to me are only evidence of a damaged, deeply unhappy human being. I have no pity for you. You could fall off the face of the earth and cease to exist, and the world would be a much better place. Until that day comes, until you are done in by your own pettiness and stupidity, I will be living my life, basking in my success, and ignoring you.


Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.


Thanks, That Was Fun
I was amused by the last sentence, you are really a interesting person
*bumping* We need this thread!

Dear universe,

I have asked a lot perhaps, but this possibly last thing is a biggie. I've done my part, please please make this be okay. I will keep doing the best work I can, let me demonstrate that.

I am interested to meet you... I will Pm you in short time
Dear Universe,

So P's cancer has spread to her brain.

She's such a wonderful person.

Is it really necessary to put her through this? Please at least don't put her through a lot of pain. What is LNG
Dear sister and sister's husband,
I'm writing to you with extreme frustration and disappointment. Please, try to look for work to support you and your 3 children long-term. It's been 2 years now. It's difficult to see you mismanage what little funding you receive from the government. The most alarming statement you made was, "since minorities do it, we should be allowed to do it." Please don't say such damaging things. Unemployment is a safety net for those who lost their jobs. It's not a service for the "entitled."

Please, you're very capable people who have the power to change the situation you're in. You could save for a house, help out your children when they reach college, and have a cushion to protect your health. You could contribute positively to others. You could work with others to achieve goals. The money you're using is to help you get back on your feet -- not to prop your feet up on.

I apologize in advance that I can no longer give you money. You stole my identity to take out a loan for "Christmas presents" because I wouldn't give you another loan. The worst part was that you played the victim, said I was selfish, and that blood is thicker than money. I can't forgive you for that.

Please, rethink what you're doing. I don't want you to take when you can give.
Hey there younger Bro,

I wonder if you could get any trashier? It's hard to imagine how.

Drop out? Check.
Welfare cheat? Check.
Obese? Check.
Two children born within a year of each other? Check.
Pitbull? Check.
Subwoofers in your shitty car? Check.
Father before you can legally drink? Checkity check check.

Hey, 'member when you got that full grant to study anywhere you wanted 'cuz of your grades and you shit it all away? I just can't muster an ounce of compassion for you, 'cause you had every opportunity and you screwed the pooch. I don't care if you're young. And you know who'll pay the worst price? Your kids. So, here's my "facebook comment I'll never make" Just waiting on the jail time dipshit.

P.S. If you Google "White trash names" your choices are the top link. Nobody NOBODY actually thinks that's a "Cute name" whatever they say. What fucking planet do you live on, and HOW are you possibly related to me?
Dear you,

This feeling of combined love for you and absolute fury at your unfairness is so familiar to me. When I think of all the times I caved, calling you back after you hung up on me, feeling like a mug but needing to talk us back to being okay. I can't do that anymore. You have had such power over me, my love for you has meant that I would put up with all your uncivil behaviour--the shouting, the abusive swearing and hanging up the phone. That is never and has never, ever been okay.

This is all alongside the shitty, shitty way you handled this recent situation. I have to wonder if being with you is not perhaps really bad for me, that I am with someone who can only see me in terms of my use value to them instead as a whole person. Typing this, I feel such love for you still, but I don't know how healthy that is.

You have to be better. You have to change.

I am someone I can be proud of, I have worked hard, and everyone but you can see this. All you see is my absence. You accuse me of not caring--where the fuck were you when I was low, was scared? Elsewhere. Now you're needy and feel I am neglectful because I am not there mopping your damn brow when you brought this on yourself. I am not in your life to manage your unhappiness. When we got together you were a dynamic, energetic, smart, lively, warm person--I want that person back...

(i cannot believe the last post was in 2011. i'll stop saying it soon as i've decided to visit more often but: its like a ghost town in here! except instead of empty buildings its like a bunch of empty lacy bras.)

to whom it may concern,

i'm afraid. oh, great goddess i'm so afraid. my three year old daughter has been scheduled for heart surgery in five weeks. i'm so scared. i dont yet fully understand the risks and its burning me. i cant ... i cant even bring myself to type out my fears. fuck, that's why i came here. but i cant. i'm just so afraid. crippling fear.

so that's whats on top.

but my employment insurance is up in three weeks. i don't know what i'm going to do. and even if i found a job in the nick of time i'll have to say oh yea, i need next week off. so i can spend it with her in the hospital; she's only 3!

i've been applying forever. i've been trying forever. what am i doing wrong? why should any one have to try this hard for fucking nothing. its broken me. people dont send rejection letters any more but the pile of silent ones i've accumulated is crushing me.

and worst i suppose is that the immense stress i'm trying not to have is keeping me from being present with the kids. crying or writing letters no body instead of playing with them.

something's gotta give. her safety is the most important but beyond that a break would be so welcome.

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