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Polly, thanks for the info.

Lady Selena,

We're here for you if you need to vent or whatever.

rooting for you, rose!

dear GT -


....and I got asked out on a date within the first 5 minutes of landing.. (although it took me about 20 minutes to realize that he'd most likely not asked me to meet up for business reasons, but actually to ask me out.. hahahahaha!!)

Dear universe,

You know, I kind of get it. I have perspective on this. My bag being stolen is not the worst thing, by far, that could happen to me, and if this was necessary to reinforce that perspective I'll take it.

I am grateful for the job and I'd thank you for getting the thesis done too, except I feel so strongly I did that on my own, if that's okay. But do me one favour? Get my new job to get in touch with me and extinguish the last little flame of neurosis? That would be beyond awesome, even though I feel there is much awesomeness on the horizon.

I will do my part. Thanks, in advance, gratefully yours, me.
what a beautiful letter

you know i love you, but you need to grow the fuck up. you use your dad to get away with so much shit, it's ridiculous, then you talk to him like he's some dick that should wipe your ass. it's not cute, at all, and i can see this blowing up in your face. the fucked up thing, is because of your shenanigans, t could lose her house, and your dad may have to move. it's not about the money that disappeared, i could give a fuck about that. it's irrelevant, but what is relevant is the way your father is incapable of letting you take responsiblity for your tantrums, and how you refuse to act like an adult. i told t you need to move out, but she already knew it. it's not that i blame anyone. but you and g are so fixed in your roles that it's unhealthy, with t in the crossfire. knock it off before this shit gets out of hand.



i just don't know what to do with today. it's probably best we don't talk about it. and after you left i just cried. i don't know what to do with that right now.


Dear WP,

That was a pretty underhanded trick you tried to pull today. Really. Did you think I wouldn't figure it out? Yeah, it took me a fifteen minutes or so, but I did it. REJECTED. If you want to know about me? ASK ME. Because this third party shit? Has grown tiresome. You did this with K several months ago, I kinda figured that would be that. I was pretty clear that I'm THROUGH with you & yours & I don't feel bad about it. I don't miss you. The only reason you're interested in me now is because I have something you want. SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE IF YOU'RE SO GODDAMNED SMART, EH?

Dear C,
Is it okay that I am pretty sure that I don't love you during the hour that it takes you to stop hitting snooze and wake up?
I'm pretty sure LeBoy was thinking the same thing about me this morning, kitten. I accidentally turned down the volume on my alarm (I have to wake up to the radio; waking up to a beeping alarm noise would put me in a murderous mood all day), and I thought I turned it back up enough, but I guess not. I got annoyed pokes by him twice this morning. Oops.
QUOTE(kittenb @ Jul 7 2009, 07:00 AM) *
Dear C,
Is it okay that I am pretty sure that I don't love you during the hour that it takes you to stop hitting snooze and wake up?

Ha ha, agreed.
Dear Boobs,

What the heck is going on?

Dear cramps,

Fucking stop. NOW. I'm in too much pain.

dear KS,

we are friends. why u always treat me like i'm a stranger? for me, you are one of my besties. sad.gif

dear KS,

sorry for making u angry. i really want to play with u. sad.gif sad.gif

dear KS,

happy birthday. i always wish u 4 all the best.

Ms.Pringles, do stop by the Newbies thread & introduce yourself, hey.

Dear M,

You are a twisted little monkey. But you are a HOT twisted little monkey. *Tight* rack, & a full-lipped, terribly cruel mouth. Yeah, we hooked up once, but it was lame because we were both hella fucked up. The last time I saw you, you embarrassed the fuck out of me by getting down & kissing my feet & telling my friends how I'm a fucking goddess to you. I know you were in your cups tonight, but really, dude, I am NOT that impressive. I'm NOT. I really don't get it. But right now? I'd ride you until your cock didn't work anymore & damn the consequences.

Dear universe,

Awesome. Thank you!

Gratefully, Me
Dear Bailey,

Please be an awesome puppy and make it thru the hospital. I don't need you to die. We've had enough bad experiences with pets this year.

Dear W,

Thank you for showing up at my place of residence at 11:30 on a Friday night. You were obviously drunk, which is one of the many many many things I don't like about you.

LOOK, JUST BECAUSE YOU FUCKED MY MOM DOESN'T MAKE US FRIENDS. I dealt with your shit for six months. I was *NICE* to you. I never said anything about you just entering my home without so much as a knock, I rarely complained about your penchant for just showing up & expecting to be entertained, I didn't bitch about the way you'd show up late at night drunk off your ass so you could sleep it off under my roof. I let you spew your ignorant nonsense with nary an eyeroll even though I find certain of your attitudes despicable. Until you pissed me off.

A year ago YOU made a choice & that choice was to rob me of one of the few things keeping me sane. Fine. I accepted it. Eventually I came to realise that you taking that thing was good for everybody involved in that I no longer had to fuck with either of you. There was no reason for you to be here any more. So I changed the fucking locks & went on with my life. W-free. And it was good.

Now you're back. And inebriated. Late at night. WITHOUT CALLING. Bellering drunkenly on my porch & beating on my door. Niiiiiiiiiice.

In short, fuck off. I'll box up what shit of yours I find lying around & sit it out on the porch for you. Other than that, we? Are DONE.



Please PLEASE call us today! You've been in the country since Thursday, but we haven't heard a peep. Now we really don't know what's happening. Did you get a ride from W to D? Or do we need to drive out and get you? There are no train stations on the coast, so one way or another you need a ride to get here. If we have to get you, it'll have a MAJOR impact on our day. That's 5 hours of our lives that we'd lose. That's a lot of time when one is expecting company. So please PLEASE pick up a phone today and call us!!!!



Let's be frank for a sec. I've known you for 3 years now. That doesn't mean I know everything about you, of course, but I'm figuring some things out. When we first met, a big part of me thought, "Why is this guy still single? He's funny and intelligent and makes good conversation." Granted, you aren't my type and I'm married anyway, but I could clearly see your positive qualities & felt sure that other women could see and appreciate those qualities, too.

But I think I get it now. I think that maybe the reason why you could be relaxed and smart and fun with me is because you knew I was out of bounds. I'm a friend and nothing more, so you can talk to me as a friend. Because I can not be simply a sexual object to you, I am somehow worthy of more respect.

But as soon as you find out a woman is single and available, suddenly you just see her as a piece of meat. I chalk it up to too many hours in strip clubs. Some guys can maintain the distinction, but it's all gotten blurry for you. You're used to the idea of handing a woman a wad of cash and then heading back to the Champagne Room. You've been relying on this method for so long that you can't conceive of the idea of appreciating a woman for her personality first and then taking a risk. I'm sure there's a fear of rejection complicating this, but please. We're all scared of rejection. You gotta get over it and take a chance ... and show people some respect along the way. People want to be wanted, of course, but for more than the occasional blow job.

Now I'm starting to see why J, K and S are not interested in being friends with you anymore. I heard their stories and hints before, but I brushed it off ... until now. I'm seeing the cracks in your veneer. When you saw me in my bathing suit at the pool party and threatened to "grab me", that was it. You didn't quite step over the line, but what you said, the way you said it, and the look in your eye has put up some serious red flags for me. I haven't told T because he has to work with you so closely every day, but I may change my mind.

I'm thinking of following the example of others and putting a little more space here. There are other people who'd like to sit at my dinner table ... people with less picky pallets who don't bring up touchy subjects before the salad is even served. You are not banned from my house. Just don't be surprised if you aren't invited over quite as often.


Dear N -

I don't get you. What you said to me was so incredibly out of line (and stupid) that even your best friend is STILL disturbed about it. All I'm trying to do - all I've EVER tried to do - is be friendly, with the intent of perhaps becoming friends. I don't do ulterior motives well. If I was even capable of having one, you'd know it in a heartbeat. I'm truly confused as to why you would blatantly blow off my attempts to just plain be nice to you, but if that's the way you want to play it, then so be it. I'm not going to continue to go out of my way to include you in things that involve our shared friends -why should I, when you consistently back out of them (which just smacks of avoiding me.) If you are so full of yourself, or insecure, or whatever, to not be able to see that my attempts to be friendly are just that - FRIENDly, then you, my friend, are missing out on having a very fucking cool person in your world. Go take your self-deprecating; cocky; obviously-need-the-ego-stroke-from-people-who-know-your-past-work; moves elsewhere, because I have no desire to play your game. I just wanted to try and be friends. I am beginning to think you don't know how. I really feel sorry for you.


dear new friend's wife,

i understand you just met us last nite. But you did stay at our house and will be here till sunday. Would it kill you to talk or speak at all??? We didn't ask you to come. And if you didn't want to be here, then you should have stayed at home. I know I'm not a talkative person, however, I won't go stay at someone's house and not say two words to them. GEEZ. I hope this weekend goes by fast. I can't deal with grumpy antisocial people staying under my roof eating my food and sleeping on my furniture.


Dear new embryo, Please hang in there.
Dear uterus, Please stop cramping. It's scaring me.
Dear universe, Please let this one work out.

I love all three of you.

{{{ella, embryo, & uterus}}}
(((ellenevenstar))) Sending some positive energy your way.
(((elle & little bean)))

Dear Universe -

I'm just sitting back and letting you do the work. I KNOW I'm gonna get a good one. You'll deliver the right one. It's my job to just enjoy life, grow, and remember the aforementioned.

That said, I like the one from last night.


mr. t:

so i tell you i'm having a really hard time, and part of the problem is that i'm not getting my shots on time-- something that i depend on you for-- and your reaction is to hold on to my rig and my moans till i feel better? is it no wonder i'm looking for someone else to give me my shots? you suck. thanks for not sticking by me when i needed your support and help. how i believe the promises told to me anymore is beyond me. i'll always be in your life, i'll always be your friend, or the ones you told me: you'll always be family. you knew that would get me since i'm theoretically an orphan. bait the hook, wait for me to bite, right? to think that last week my head was so turned around that the things you did to me made me actually think about getting back with you. fuck that. if there was a chance of that happening, you have just burnt that bridge to cinders. and i thank you for that, because i really am looking forward to what i will here after call my post-t life. girltrouble A.T. out of the dark ages. i'm formally revoking your right to call me baby girl, your girl or any derivative. i will, from this point never, ever call you daddy or anything similar. i've been looking to learn how to stand on my own two, so now that's what i'ma do.

i'ma do my level best to never look back too.


Dear Universe,

Growing up and being mature in my relationships, both personally and professionally, takes alot of work. Geesh. But, I will say that I am seeing the benefits of being open, direct, and honest with others. I'm feeling happier that I am being more responsible with others in my life. I still bitch, complain, vent, or whatever is bothering me with someone, but, I don't let it fester in me anymore. I address it, we dish, and I move on. I feel so much lighter after it. I feel I can sleep better as a result of it. I think it is helping me to develop more trusting and safe relationships. Oh, and I've learned discretion is not a bad thing. I think I'm learning who is open to this type of relationship and who is not. Those who are not are usually out by the wayside.


Dear Male Colleague,

You are one tough, stubborn cookie. But, I don't think you realize that you've met your match. You might've thought you could take a bite out of me and I wouldn't do anything. But, I'm more like a pitbull and once I bite, I don't let go. So, please man up and stop running away like a little boy from discussing our conflict with each other. I don't want to have to knee you in the groin to act mature. I prefer more direct contact like talking.

Your annoyed colleague


Dear uterus,
Thank you for being amazing and acquiescing to my request. You rock. Please keep being good.

Dear new embryo,
Settle in there nice and comfy now.


Seriously, WTF?? I know you didn't work *hard* but now all your mistakes are cropping up, you've been kicked out of quite a few places and Chilly Guy and I have to go clean up your mess??? Like we aren't already overbooked?

And, yes, I saw you take the two hour lunch and the TWO one hour breaks today. work four hours out of an eight hour day, earning the kind of money you do, you cobble everything together and don't fix anything correctly. And you aren't ashamed of yourself? You earn more in a DAY than some people do in a WEEK. You call yourself a steamfitter, you collect the pay of a EARN it!!! Chilly Guy and I rarely take more than our morning break. Because we're soooo far behind!!! Covering for your butt!!! Seriously...wrapping Teflon tape and a hose clamp isn't the way to fix a split copper tube.

Already drowning in work,



You're so cute! Can you tell I have a little crush on you? I sort of think you might have a little crush on me too. Or is that wishful thinking on my part? I love the way you seek me out to chit-chat. Oh, and I still remember walking on the ice and almost slipping and you catching me and giving me that big squeeze....yum! It's one of my "happy place" memories.

Silly grin on her face,

treehugger frightens me too. smile.gif Oh,'s fixed now.
{{{ellenevenstar}}} YAY!
*fans herself* whooo rudder.....
I second that emotion GT!
Dear Potential Landlord,

Firstly, please call soon and let us know how much rent you’re planning charge. It’s kind of a major deciding factor for us. If you’re going to ask for more than we can pay, we need to start looking for other options, and fast.

Second, please be reasonable. Please please please. We really want this flat. I understand that just because you know us you’re not obliged to give us any kind of discount, but try to understand how much we need this. We want to have babies, and to do that we need to live somewhere quiet, with a little bit of space and still be able to afford to eat. It’s shitty being a tenant. You’re powerless; you can be evicted at any time (as we’ve just discovered), you live every day with the knowledge that you’re working just to pay someone else’s mortgage and not your own, and most of the time you’re not even allowed to hang pictures on the walls. We may never be able to afford a place of our own, but we’re hardworking, responsible people and I think we deserve a break. Is some stability too much to ask?

Give us a chance. You won’t regret it.
Your potential tenant.
rudderlesschild - ever consider writing a book just of letters? It could be a "Griffin & Sabine" type thing.

Dear Universe,

2 bedroom, w/a dishwasher and a deck of any size, some sun and hardwood floors in a nice neighborhood close to the Brown Line w/sunshine for the cats and the plants. Not too much to ask so let's make it happen. I can't stand this apartment much longer w/o the promise of a stove and refridgerator that work consistently in my future.

Your obedient servant,
Dear You,

You asked me if I could get you some bud, last week. You said ASAP, I arranged it, now you're mum on it. well, next time you want, figure it out on your own, I've resold what I've got. Don't expect me to be doing this kind of favour for you again.


Dear CH,

I'll take it, I'll take it!


If you were here, I'd for sure do it. This stuff is the hot shit, too. I've smoked some of his stuff before, and it's rediculous. It is potent and fucks you up good.

If only I still smoked.


I really don't know how much longer I can run like this. Me OR chilly guy. Seriously, this shit has to stop.


AP, I wanna go share some of that with you, too! wink.gif
oh i can tell you how:
1)i've seen your pix, you are very cute,
2)you have your own style,
3)you are confident in who you are
4)you are older, and have had lots of experiences
5) you are smart as hell
6)the catholic thing.

if a guy is inclined to date older women, you'd be pretty amazing.

believe me, i am not complaining. the letters you post from your crushes and hubby... well i am glad there are young-uns throwing themselves in your path. i hope they keep on. whooooooo.
anna k
rudderlesschild, you are a fantastic writer, I can just imagine this quiet dude with the sly moves bamboozling everyone and being your own dirty little secret. And damn right the kids like you, you are awesome and fabulous!
Rudderless, I'm adding my voice to the choir. You're a gloriously talented writer. I really look forward to your posts in here.

P & S,
Do me a favor: sometime in the very near future, you need to get together with your father and meet his goddamn girlfriend already. I know you don't like the way he ended things with J. Believe me, neither do I. And I don't mind telling you that I honestly prefer J over this woman. But that was over 2 years ago. It's time to move past it. Because this woman has become a MAJOR factor in your father's life - and a major influence, as well. Are you picking up on my meaning here? I certainly hope so. Frankly, this situation is putting an odd taste in my mouth. Something about it doesn't feel right. T and I live 5000 miles away so we cannot monitor this situation. But you can. So get on it.NOW.

I think it's ridiculous that this woman has been living with him for 2 years and the first time she has met any of his family members is this week. Why should she have to travel 5000 miles to a country she's never visited before just to meet some of his family? You actually live in the same damn country as the man. It's time for you to make an effort.

Note that, despite my angry tone, I say this because I trust you two more than anyone else in the family. I really need you to be our eyes and ears. I can't do this alone.

Much love. Really.

Dear d.

Its been 16 years since my former self met you at college orientation. Its been about 16 people since then who have been confused as to why I remained friends with you. So many people accuse you of being self-centered and a bitch. Many of the people who claimed you were a narcisisstic might have indeed been jealous of your size 0 frame which you threw their boyfriends' faces, true. But many just out and out could not stomach your "cooler-than-thou" attitude. Of course there were worshippers and followers. Frankly, I just wanted to be your equal. I might have been insecure and merely a size 6 at the time - but honestly, I knew I was just as cool as you back then and in fact - I had people tell me since I had the body of a young woman instead of a waif, that I was actually prettier in my own way. I resented your gloating attitude then, as I still do now.

In the past decade or so you have excelled in your career and made a nice little nest-egg for yourself by your standards. Things have not been like that for me. I have spent a ton of time searching for meaning in my life, finding out who I am, and trying to get over my childhood of abuse (which I know you so compassionately talked shit about me for in college, btw.) My priorities were different.

You always were there for me to talk shit about my exes via email. You NEVER however shared any emotional initimacy or even true details about your life. You kept a facade that you expected everyone else to buy - that you were beautiful, successful, and wealthy. You kept a distance.

When it came to phone calls - the only times that you ever called me were for emergency gossip or to update your work's reference profile. I was a valuable asset as a college roommate to help get your security clearance. The only times I spoke to you on the phone for 3 years were twice to update my address and once when a boyfriend did something horrendous.

I think you flew me out to visit you -- simply to throw your wealth in my face like you have done in other circumstances (which have been well documented by other friends.) I was desperate for friends - I was desperate for some proof that my life was not a failure. I was desperate for any attention. So I went, and I kept you around.

I really liked you because you are so sarcastic, so smarmy, so funny, and so independent. You really made me smile and I did have a good time back in the day. It felt like our senses of humor had fused into one brain at one point. Our tastes were similar, our opinions almost always easily understood. But your pretentious lifestyle, your yuppy life, your ignoring my emails, phone calls, and your refusal to put yourself out there --- except when you wanted it ---- your way only ---- I have no way of knowing wtf was up with you.

Then I find out that you are spending all kinds of time and energy on your friendship with T - who you described to me as "not the brightest bulb in the socket." Huh. Wonder what you said to her about me?! I find out you talk to her and other friends on the phone every day -- when you told me that you don't talk to people on the east coast because of the time difference being "too stressful." yeah. nice. That hurt.

And if you want to know it - I will confess - I partly deleted my facebook account because I was tired of seeing you comment on everyone elses' stuff --- while always ignoring anything I said to you.

And lately I have healed...a lot. And I have woken up and realized that I have NO DESIRE to follow you around for 5 days and coo- and aaah at you at your bachelorette party bullshit. I have no desire to have any "fun" with people who make me feel like shat about myself - who treat me as a charity case, who only want me around when they want me around, who refuse to disclose any personal info to me - while lecturing me on my life's problems, who won't communicate honestly, and who are totally fake with shallow priorities. You were never really there for me --- and never let me be there for you. You were too worried about looking skinny, successful, and making sure you were better than me. You don't see me as an equal - you see me as a pet project.

So hell no I am not going to put myself out for you --- in fact, after this letter - I am not even going to THINK about you. You can keep calling and emailing me to ask me why - and I will just sit back and laugh as you will burn up not being able to know what horrible thing your pathetic friend is going through to keep her from your parties. In fact, this is the most attention that I have gotten from you in YEARS. And that is SO sad and screwed up. You are such an effing narcisisst that even if I ever approached you - you would roll your eyes, call me overlyemotional, and blame ME for whatever I am feeling. I know you well enough.

I am only hostile at myself because it took me so long to figure this shit out and to finally put my foot down and demand something a little better for myself.

I hope you take your mansion, your lexus, your boring-assed personalityless wealthy husband and live a nice yuppy life out there. As for me - I will keep on being me --- putting my personal health and healing, my spirituality, my zest, my funkyness, and my happiness as MY priorities in my life. My man might be broke - but he is a hootin riot, fist full of piss, and fun. And I would rather eat organic shit than have your job - even if it paid me twice as much, btw.

dear MF:

let's play a game. it's called "The Emperor's New Clothes." you name all the people i know who are leading valid lives in your eyes, because they're married and /or have kids, and then i point out that just because they are, doesn't mean their life is all rainbows and kittens:

1. Mutual Friend who is Pregnant: Suffered from an eating disorder for most of her young adult life, only got her period back a year or so ago, and needed fertility drugs and months upon months to Conceive.

2. Engaged brother: Newly engaged to girlfriend. Hit on me relentlessly last outing, said "if i weren't seeing [girlfriend/finacee] i'd be pursuing you like none other." Also had major fight with previous girlfriend over me, because he was "ignoring her" and "flirting with me" at his sister's wedding.

want me to go on?

Fitting the culture acceptible round peg and round hole of coupling doesn't whitewash everyone's faults, or failures, or problems, and it certainly doesn't grant them a place on some mythical social pedestal.

Me citing examples 1 and 2 above is catty, and below-the belt, and is an overall dick move.

fuckit. the gloves are off.

um catlady= the most awesomeist!

rudder:listen to rosey. collect some of these poems you have been sharing with us and get them published. they are fanfrickintastic.

dear universe:

ok, i've had my doubts about you, but this potentual new dj gig? whooo! i didn't even ask she just thought of me! just when i was planning on looking for new hh gigs next week? if you kick down with this in the way i'm thinking, i will be humble i will eat crow, and i will shut up. (at least for a while.) but i will do everything i can to honor this opportunity, and work my ass off on the others.


dear universe:
1) that was fast, and 2)oh you're good....
Dear AZ Guy,
I miss you.

I miss having you around and I miss being able to speak my mind and you accepting it. I miss your laugh, your ability to make me feel better and your obsession with turtles. I even miss your teasing and last night made it hurt even more. Seeing guys twice your age act like idiots made me realize just how rare and awesome you are, but at the same time I know I can't be what you want me to be right now.


Dear T,
Okay, here is the recipe for avoiding drama--avoid the bars and stay sober. Next time we hang out, how about renting a movie or two, ordering a pizza and just chilling? Hell, we can even get a bottle of wine if you want, but no going to the bars because last night I realized why I didn't like hanging out with you too much--you turn every night into Jerry Springer and it makes me sad.

I'm serious. Last night didn't have to happen; you could have walked away and accepted that D is in another relationship. Instead you chose to make a scene, argue with him and pretty much make him feel like shit because you felt like shit because of another guy. I know loneliness sucks, but one of the things about life is you learn to deal with it, along with all the other sucky things about life.

I'm also starting to worry about you because the last times we hung out, we ended up going to the bars and you got drunk, which leads to drama for you. I've known you since junior high and you're too good for this. I know a lot of crap has happened in your life, but alcohol doesn't make things go away. I wish I knew what else to say to you and what else I can do, about all I can do is what I did last night--hold your hand and try to make you feel better. Just remember that you'll always have a friend in me, no matter what.

Dear universe,
Give me the tools and I can handle this. I know that's why I'm up here, and I know I am strong enough but I still need time to grow into that strength. Still, next time you send me something, could you please have it not interfere with everything?

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