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(( Candycane_girl )) I hope you find some inner peace with this situation.

Thanks for that link girltrouble. I haven't seen a doctor. I am uninsured right now so it's sorta rough. I am going back and forth between thinking its a food allergy and thinking something else is wrong. Everyone I talk to (friends, family) just keeps saying "you're not pregnant are you?" and it's driving me nuts! Hopefully after this weekend of working I can actually get looked at by a doctor at the clinic (sliding scale.)
no problem, tg. do watch slide share link. around slide 17 it tells you how to do the epely technique,some easy exercises you can try that might make your situation better, or even cure you. at the end it has some other possible solutions if that doesn't work.
S -

I think the world of you. You have been a really awesome friend. It seems that you are going through a bit of a rocky patch in your relationship right now, and I have this sneaking suspicion after our conversation last night, that you think that you're into me. But S - you and M are so great together and you really love one another. You are a grown up and I know you know that everything hits rocky patches now and then, and you're riding it out. I can tell. But if somewhere in there, you're thinking that you're falling for me, then please make yourself stop going to that place in your head. It's not worth it, and I'd rather cut you out of my world for a bit than unwittingly create any kind of challenge for you. This too shall pass. The rocky patch, and what I think might be the thoughts in your head about me. We get each other, and that's why we're friends. But that's the extent of it. I'm glad you're such a mature guy and probably already aware of all this - and you'd probably never take those thoughts further. But I just felt I had to say something about the pink elephant I kinda felt might be in the room.

love you to bits,
((((tank girl and ccg)))))

Dear Universe,

Well, here we are, my first day at my new job. It sure is a change of pace, but I'm glad that I've been given this opportunity. It's another tool in my road to mental health recovery. I used to be so angry at you, but things are working out, as I said earlier to you, I understand why things went they way they did. I was unhappy and unhealthy. I truly didn't see the forest for the trees. And while I struggle, a lot, with this on some days. The fog is starting to life and I'm starting to feel normal, happy and healthy. I know it won't be easy, but I do hope the worst of it is over.

Dear D

i have finally gotten to the point where i can be alone or drive down the road without the thoughts in my head getting out of control. you turned my last proposal down and since then its been too many nights alone.

dear J:

I don't even know what to say to you anymore, so I'll just spill my guts. As if it makes any difference.

A part of me hates you and never wants to see you again. The way that you have treated me has been astoundingly selfish, insensitive and childish. I gave you everything I have and you walked all over me. But despite all that, The other part of me wants more than anything to keep you in my life in whatever way I can. I'd love to be friends. I'm trying to forgive you and move on. But I'm having a hard time. You need to be more patient. I feel like you don't really get it. You really don't realize how unfair you've been.

I don't understand why you pushed the relationship so far, so fast, and suddenly changed your mind and wanted out. I don't understand what's wrong with me, why I couldn't make you happy. You made me feel like I was the most important thing in your world and then you just left me. I can't think of anything I did wrong aside from indulging your mistakes.

I can accept that the relationship is over. I can accept that it didn't work out. What I can't accept is that I seem to mean so little to you now. I knew all along that we were burning our candle at both ends, that it was too good to be true. I wish we'd just quit while we were ahead instead of clinging to the battered remains of the relationship until it was completely unrecognizable. I feel like in our attempt to hang on and save the relationship we destroyed everything that made it worth saving in the first place and I hate that all you remember is the problems. I feel like we went places together - and I'm not talking about places on a map - I feel like we went places together that I'd never imagined I'd go with anybody. And I just really want to know that you were actually there with me. Because the way you talk to me now, I feel like maybe you were never really there, and I was just there by myself, imagining that you were there beside me. And that's the lonliest, most horrible feeling I've ever had.

I know that things are going really well between you and A right now and I really don't want to be cast in her shadow. Please don't compare me to her and remember me negatively.

Dear A:

Please fuck off with this "I never meant to hurt you" bullshit. You need to take some fucking responsibility and stop begging for my forgiveness. You knew it would hurt me. You did it anyway. How on earth does that make it better?

I don't hate you. I just like you a lot less. You know you deserve it, and it's up to you whether or not you can live with that. I suppose J's worth it. Well, congratulations. You won first fucking prize. I hope you two make each other miserable.

Dear H,

What. The. Fuck?! What possessed you to call me? Huh? What horrible drama has happened in your life that you needed to call & spread the tragedy wealth? Because trust me, I have plenty of my own, thanks.

I see RIGHT through you, missy, I do. Narcissist. Liar. Malingerer. Schemer. Manipulator. Emotional Cripple. Vampire. Sociopath. I've known you my entire life & I know how you work, so don't even think for a second that I'm gonna crack now after not being friends for six years. And I hesitate to even use the word "friend" because you mostly weren't. More of a frenemy, really. There's a reason I started calling you "fairweather H" in fifth grade!

As adults, you'd ask me to go out on the town, then show up with all your shit, broke as a joke, & would proceed to stay for three/four days or until you could convince somebody to drive over to pick you up or I ponied up the busfare. You slept with & then fucked over a variety of my friends. The drugs, the diseases, the booze, the pregnancy scares, the suicide threats. The quality of people that you brought into my life, EG; the boyfriend that hit on me relentlessly IN FRONT OF YOU, the two Norwegian guys you met on the bus back from NYC, the junkie that tried to drink all the liquor in my house, etc. Or the many times you'd hit rock bottom, ask me to buoy you, only to have you dive even further back down into the muck & the mire when you felt good again. Forgetting all about me, of course, until the next time.

The world does NOT revolve around you even if you have the remarkable ability to turn every situation back to yourself. Take for instance the letter you wrote me. IT WAS ALL ABOUT YOU. Yeah, it started off how sorry you were, but then shifted immediately to "O woe is me" & you actually had the unmitigated GALL to call me to the carpet for not being the one to call you & break the news to you personally? I HAD A LOT OF SHIT ON MY MIND, OKAY?! FORGIVE ME IF YOU WEREN'T MY FIRST THOUGHT WHEN WE HADN'T SPOKEN FOR MORE THAN FIVE YEARS.

In conclusion, you are a fucked up, crazy, lunatic bitch. I hope things get better for you, but don't think for one second that your life will include me. You're not gonna change & neither am I. Impasse. Goodbye.

Dear public servant,

Wow. What an asshole you are. Entirely unnecessary attitude throwing there, including the big sigh and the pompous and patronising attitude. Instead of apologising for taking your own sweet time over something that--as it happened--took minutes to do, you decide to ask me a bunch of questions? How about apologising for being slow and shit at your job? I also appreciate you telling me what people 'in my position' normally do.

You have an appalling phone manager, an irredeemable provincial-ass accent and worst of all, because you work where you work you think you're shit hot. It's people like you who need to be sacked for the simple reason that you don't do your jobs properly.

Sad provincial little wanker. I bet your attitude works wonders with the ladies. Asshole.



Dear Boss,

WTF? Honestly. I have been with you guys for 8 months helping out around the office, and even helped with the I fundraiser. To bitch at me for getting a glass of water during some stupid mock interview, and eating lunch was stupid. I couldn't get to work for two weeks b/c I can't fucking drive. The company has epilepsy in the title. Have some fucking compassion. I help the clients, but everyone knew upfront that I was hear only until I got a job. Now you tell me as yo lueave early for the day that they're thinking of cutting my pay.

Then I just become a volunteer, and why would I spend a 4 hour commute helping out?

Pissed about probably out of work.
Dear AZ Guy,
Were you planning on telling me when you were coming, or were you just going to show up at the airport, hitchhike up here and show up unannounced? How am I supposed to get days off without screwing over my paycheck?

Dear self,
Step away from the crackers. Yes, they are delicious, but you don't need to inhale the entire box.
Dear Universe:

I have been a faithful client at your office since I first opened my account here 22 years ago. Unfortunately, I have repeatedly encountered a significant problem with your service. There appears to be some confusion regarding your management of my social life. It has recently come to my attention that, over the past several years, all of the individuals who have wanted to be close to me were people who I didn't care for, while all the indiviuals I wanted to be close to didn't care for me. While I am sure that this is just an innocent mix-up, it is both illogical and highly inconvenient, and has put me in quite a difficult situation. I am writing to express my deep dissatisfaction and to ask that this situation be corrected immediately.

I look forward to hearing from you.


dumb ass, fuck nut, or whatever your name is:

fuck you, you arrogant little shit. really? you think you are better than me? let me tell you something, seeing 3 fasbinder films and liking herzog doesn't mean that you are some sort of film genius. infact when you say your favorite films are 70's german films and you can't name any films other than herzog? you may think no one will notice, but i do, dumbfuck. oh, and a little secret? liking herzog is kinda the first step for college students just getting into film. it doesn't mean you know shit. he's the go to guy for all the stupid little arrogant fucks like you, after david lynch. *yawn* how daring of you. ooooo. you like "experimental" films. yeah. i know your type. you parrot what your film teacher crammed into your head, and never bothered to gain an opinion of your own. you get a slow clap for a bag of dicks, you schmuck. i love how you try to exclude me from the conversation about films, treat me as if i don't know what i'm talking about. you want to talk about nickolson's 70's films, claiming those are his first films? wtf? dude: rodger corman. and you've never seen the last detail or the king of marvin gardens? only five easy pieces? hah. sounds like your film knowledge, asshole. which class did you see that one in? you talk about film not to find connection or to explore ideas or to hear others opinion, but because you like to hear your own voice and inflate your own ego. i was actually enjoying talking film to all of the cool film addicts, laughing about how we disagreed about films, and the ones we'd missed. until today. you and that other little ass, acting like i had the cooties. seriously? i'd like to put in a request for you to formally fuck off, starting now.


ps. learn how to shake a person's hand you weak wristed, clammy, fish shaking motherfucker.

dear seattle police dept.:

get a real job you stupid fuckstains. go arrest some people instead of trying to cause accidents and behaving like a dick. i know it's a habit for you, but being a knuckle dragger is not cute.


ps. fuck you and your partner you rode in on (or vice versa).
anna k
Thank you girltrouble. I don't find it impressive that someone knows of the most famous foreign film directors. It's like reading an interview with Sasha Grey where it's supposed to be some sort of interesting revelation that she likes Godard movies and foreign art films. As did I as a teenager and any other introspective artsy girl.

Jack Nicholson has been acting since the late 50's, and appeared in Little Shop of Horrors in the early 1960s.
Dear MSL,


oh anna, this guy was horrible. he was a loud taker too. as if we couldn't hear everything he was saying anyways. hmph. he was talking about how he likes films that "explore the architecture of the mind." *gag*

Dear T-
Oh yes. I didn't tell you/call you when I was home. What? You're getting your panties in a bunch? Awww. You know who can help you with that? YOUR GIRLFRIEND.


Dear M-
Oh yes. I'm not returning your juvenile pleas for attention via text. What? You're getting your panties in a bunch? Awww. You know who can help you with that? NOT ME.


Dear Me-
STOP PROCRASTINATING. Just start typing...


I don't think i need you around. Every week a new story concerning you surfaces, and i don't like what i hear. It's nice that others are concerned and still think you're an ok guy, but i have serious doubts. You're a jerk. You think everyone is busy thinking about you and wanting to hang out with you. My ex does not care about you. He couldn't care less. Get the fucking memo. Don't be upset when people talk shit about you. That's what happens when you treat people the way you do.

In a way i'm ashamed i slept with you. I still think about you, i hate that. You don't deserve to be in my head. I don't exactly know how you did it, but in some way you have hurt me. And that's why i don't need you around for a while.

It's a shame you pissed me off. I'm not easily pissed off but you managed to do just that. And let me tell you, that's a massive fail.

Have a nice life.


Thank you for all the kind words - Fallon Maree is here and surprising everyone already.



Thank you. I hope you take Maree in the spirit it was intended.



You are amazing and wonderful and special and never ever forget that. We love you more than we can say.

Congrats Ananke! Welcome Fallon Maree!

Best news, I've heard today. smile.gif
Welcome to the world, sweet girl!!!! Many many congrats to you, Ananke!!!

And here are some more exclamation points just for good measure!!!!
Congratulations Ananke!
Congrats Annake!


Fuck you!! I didn't resign, you told me I was laid off.


Ananke, congrats!!
congrats anake!
Congrats to all three of you ananke!!! Welcome baby Fallon Marie!

Dear audio software,

While I appreciate that you are generally functioning, some consistency would be good so as not to take up my entire day with this bullshit.


Dear advisors,

I am setting the protocols of consistency here seeing as neither of you bothered to. Don't give me shit about the result when the overall research is, by now, awesome.

Thanks, in advance, Me

Dear people in my life behaving randomly,

I am about to submit and am trying to finish up in a sane and considered manner so as to do justice to the work. You all need to get the hell out of my face and pursue your randomness elsewhere. Kay? Kay.

Dear game-playing ex,

Not playing. Don't care. Was just trying to be civil in the first place. Headfuckery I do not need and will not entertain. Passing ships is just fine with me.

Congrats anake!!

Dear Assholes,
you are not special and it just sucks. how is it that you both have the same craptastic voice? Niether of you are as talented as you think y ou are. whatevs! I am less than impressed.
Awwww, she's adorable, anake.

Dear AZ Guy,
What part of "We don't have much experience canoeing so let's not go by ourselves" don't you understand? Just because you like to jump into things without much thought doesn't mean I like to do the same, especially if it involves a wilderness area and stuff I'm not good at, such as water sports. I said we could do a day trip and believe or not, that will be fine. You have been in a boat three times in your entire life. I've been up there, but with people who knew what they were doing. I don't want to get lost and quite frankly, I'd rather go hiking or kayaking with a group than go canoeing with you. That way, I won't end up dead.

Dear E&Y,

I'm sorry that you were at your grandmother's wake while I was at my grandmother's house celebrating her 90-something-th birthday. I think back to when we were childhood friends and I really hope we can get together sometime soon and forge even a fraction of the friendship that our parents have had all these years. I was happy you asked how I was doing. I do think about you two a lot and wonder how you're doing in life as adults, but I sure as hell hope you've softened your judgmental ways about my lifestyle choices. Not everyone wants to live happily ever after with a husband and kids in the suburbs in supposed domestic bliss. I'm happy you're happy, but not everyone needs the same things to be happy. You know? Keep an open mind about me and I will continue to keep an open mind about you.

Love to you and your granny,
To my dearest MSL,

Please try not be sad, it makes me sad when you feel down. You mean the world to me. It kills me when I'm so down I can't talk to you. I adore you.


Dear Universe,

I'm really confused with what you are throwing at me, it's not bad, I'm just unsure how to interpret it. I know I have to because one can't take this for what it is.


i know you worry about me, but please don't push jesus on me. i will never talk bad about your religion, infact i won't talk about it at all. there is nothing you could say that could possibly change my mind. i don't believe in church, and the only ways i'll set foot in a church is a wedding or a funeral. i've spent one life time in them, and i won't spend another. just respect that i am an adult, and i know my mind. yes, i stopped talking to mom because she could not accept me, but i also grew weary of her prosteletizing. there is nothing i you can tell me that i have not heard. you know me. a great deal of thought went into my beliefs, and i expect you to respect that. otherwise, much as it pains me, i will push you out of my life again.

Dear Universe -

I know that you don't always give me what I want when I want it - but I also know that you do want to give me what I need. I realize lately that what I want and what I need are aligning more and more - but that's so much about me getting to know me - and that's all my work to do. Seems that you and I have been walking more and more often hand in hand, with me doing my part and you doing yours, things aligning and flowing on.

I can't wait to see where this journey takes me, what you have in store for me, what big picture the things that are happening now are a part of. I know it's gonna be amazing.

Honestly, I couldn't ask for a better life. It's not been easy, but it's been an amazing roller coaster of a ride, and you know how much I love roller coasters.


ps - can you help me with a little more motivation to work out / run, though? I love the results but am so lazy when it comes to actually doing it. thank you.
Dear B,

I don't think I can avoid the fact that I love you anymore after seeing how freaked out I was about your back pain this past week. I think I'm the person that you and the boys need in your lives, and I'd be so grateful to have the opportunity to make a life with you all. Seeing how appreciative they were the day I drove you home from work was what cemented it all for me.

I can't wait for a good, quiet opportunity to start really talking about these things. I'm dying to know where you're really at with this.

Dear Micorsoft Tech Support -

You suck.
You suck, you suck, you SUCK!


Dear Universe,

I'm still trying to figure it out, I thought maybe the place you were throwing at me was around my home only, but yesterday at my dads? yah, I know you're trying to tell me something, and every day I wonder what it is. You know I think about this every day. I know I'll find the answer.

But, thank you for letting me know.

Dear current house mate,
Your irritating even from afar. ugh. This is frustrating for me. I realize you've been unemployed by choice for 6 months and you're entire life revolves around getting your inheritance, but seriously. I'm exhausted and working all the time amongst packing. And paying so much rent you can afford this place, remember? our text message sucked, even with the happy face. therre is no moving situation. You asked me to move early, I said I couldn't but now you expect me to anyways. sucks. ugh. I don't even have the brain power to argue. would happily move everything out today if I could. Sometimes you're so reasonable, and other times you're so narrow sighted.

Dear monkey,
I know I'm stressed but I am also really excited. I can not wait to wake up tuesday in our bed, in our place. so excited.
Dear D

Something last night triggered memories of trips past. I spent the morning looking at the images left. Your smile. Lips. How close we stood and walked together.

To the Powers That Be:

Seriously??? WTF? Are you KIDDING me? How thin do you think you can stretch our crew? First you pull Reefer Boy off the crew and NOW you put Chilly Guy in charge of the DAIRY PLANT? The one that DH has screwed up for ten years? For freaking TEN years DH has been watching the sweetwater tank ice up and fixing it by "turning it off for a day, then back on"....WTF?

And adding 200# of refrigerant every couple weeks because he's "too busy" to find the leak??? No wonder the facilities manager is pissed...he's spent $25,000.00 just in refrigerant in the past SIX MONTHS!!

But...oh, lookie here...DH WASTES more time than he works!

You can't walk into a plant that has been being "repaired" by an IDIOT for ten years and turn it around.

Look closely at Chilly Guy. Can't you see how stressed he is getting? He's got some work ethic, I can't say much for the rest of the shop. And he's also pissed because that puts the brunt of the rest of it all on ME. 350 buildings full of lab equipment. Riggght.

Seriously, get off your butts and HIRE somebody!!@!!!

To Bear's and my "friends":

Pretty funny that you're all coming out of the woodwork when it got hot. Do you know how many times Bear's cell phone rang today, picked it up to expect to have a nice conversation with an old friend, only to hear, "my air conditioner died". C'mon, you have MONEY!!! Don't put more strain on Bear than he's got, he's got enough!!! I mean, one or two, but TWELVE of you?

MS: Do you think Bear's going to pull a 25" by 12" window a/c out of his butt? We aren't your personal supply house.

I mean, DR calling last night was the last straw. Bear looked at the number, and said "dammit I'm not answering that"....listened to the voice mail, and sure enough. "my air conditioner died".


Weather: I always said I wouldn't complain about the hot weather, because I wanted the right to complain about the cold. But can you ease up a little? We don't need any more "friends" looking for free a/c service for a while.
Real Estate Agent# 5,

Fuck off! I rearranged my morning to meet you, and you bail. Then your replacement bails too. I'm so sick of hearing about foreclosures in my neighborhood I could scream. I just want to sell my damn house, and move out west.


Quit being an ass. Your dog is slowly dying, and you don't seem to care. I'm sorry people canceled last night, but people have lives. You made me lead on trying to sell the house, and I'm putting my heart into it. I'm just very frustrated by it.

Dear lazy journalists,

Michael Jackson did not sing "Ebony and Ivory" with Paul McCartney. That was Stevie Wonder. I've heard a number of you make this mistake over the past 24 hours and it is REALLY starting to piss me off.

Michael Jackon had a song called "Black and White".
His duet with Paul McCartney was "Say Say Say".

Get the fact straight and stop fucking embarrassing yourselves. Geesh. I wasn't even a big MJ fan and even I know this shit.
Dear (apparently soon to be ex) SIL -

I don't know what you're doing, or why you're doing it. Not even your family understands where the fuck your head is.

Honestly, I don't really care where your head is or what your doing. What I do care about is my brother. You need to TELL HIM WTF IS GOING ON WITH YOU. WHAT YOU'RE UP TO. I don't care how heinous it is. If you're cheating on him, If you're leaving, if you're becoming a nun - hell, if you're killing babies or something. Anything you tell him is going to hurt him - but not nearly as much as you just disappearing and leaving him to question what and why. Just grow some fucking ovaries and pull the fucking band aid off the wound and let him have some honesty. 'cause you're fucking killing him with this shit.

I have always loved you -but I don't even know who you are anymore. Please somehow just get your shit together enough to give him some respite from this constant wondering and worrying (Yes! worrying about YOU!) it fucking sucks to see him falling apart like this, and just questioning everything.


Dear J:

I'm trying not to think of you these days. I wonder if you're doing the same. If someone asked me if I miss you, I wouldn't really know what to say. I don't miss you any more than I do when I'm back home living next door to you and your happy new life. In fact, with fewer reminders, I'd say I miss you less. And considering right now I don't want to talk to you and have no idea what I'd want to talk to you about if I did, I guess it's safe to say that I don't miss you. And yet I find myself checking my email 10 times a day. Just to see if you're thinking of me, I guess.

I feel like I'm hiding from your memory. I avoid looking at the pictures on my phone because I know there are some of us in there. And I've avoided adding any photos to my facebook profile because there's a picture of you and me on there and I don't want to see it, if only for the few seconds before I delete it. I live in fear of being ambushed by certain songs - Amos Lee, Broken Social Scene, Feist, Damien Rice. I used to love hearing you speak your native language. Now when I hear someone speaking it I want to cry. I avoid topics of conversation that will remind me of things I've done (or talked about doing) with you, like Halloween costumes, trips to China, photobooths. You're hiding in all the corners of my mind.

I need you to refrain from contacting me at all. I need to forget about you for a while and remember what it's like to be happy, and I need to be the one who decides when I'm ready to talk to you again. I'll never move on if I leave that decision up to you. I hope you understand and don't take this the wrong way.


Dear guy who I've been working with the last few days who is now sitting next to me on his computer:

you are hot. Seriously. I'd so like to get each other naked and do nasty things with you.

unfortunately, I am being professional. This business is small.

But could you fit my mental physical checklist for a man any more than you do, AND be into all the same, un-PC shit I like?

it just makes me want to jump you even more.

ok. now I will go and keep working like I"m not writing this ode to your fine-ness while sitting right next to you.



pps - sorry, just had to say it one more time.


Quit being a bitch. Yes, my ring is too tight. I may have gained a little weight. Please piss off. I don't know if I want you involved in the wedding. It's going to be similar to Melissa's weekend Try to be happy for me. I'm not really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, as you will probably be sloshed before Mcgeek and I even get to the restaurant.

All ex boyfriends,

Fuck off already. I've got a ring. It's over.


You're a mess of emotions right now. It's okay to be screaming in joy one minute, and crying the next. Also, try to work out more. I think it may help.


You suck. I shouldn't have to load the dishes 3 times to clean them.

Lady Selena
Ever feel like a goddamn child even if you are one year off from turning 30? Be it your spouse or lover making sure you are where you say you are, looking in emails, searching your web history, reading texts? Makes ya kinda want to scream, yes? Makes me want! I feel like a child who needs monitoring. screw you
lady selena your post worries me. it sounds like this is getting to be abusive behaviour. My ex did the same. Please be careful.
Lady Selena, your post concerns me, too.

Director Guy,

Please tell me that at some point in our interactions you've seen some little spark in me .... some little clue that makes you intrigued enough to work with me again. I know I'm just another White Girl With Brown Hair and you have way more than your fair share of that around here. But look at that photo you sent out last night! I stand out from the others, don't I? And didn't I do some good, creative things yesterday? I know I made at least one subtle move that the cameraman loved & encouraged everyone else to do, too. So obviously I've got a good creative mind, right? You want to see what else I can come up with, yes? Please? Because I'm really interested in the work you do and I'd like to have more opportunities to work with you and meet your other colleagues and see if I can finally find a home in this creative community.

I need this, but I can't do it alone. I hope you'll help.

Lady Selena,
That's not cool and it can quickly turn unsafe. Can we help?
I got the 411 on Lady Selena- without violating her privacy, I can say that everything's okay. I'll let her elaborate if she wants, but y'all can stop worrying. I know she appreciates the concern, though.
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