Aug 8 2008, 12:52 AM
freck, thank you for being such a great friend, and an amazing inspiration, and one of my heroes. you are more amazing than you know.
Aug 8 2008, 07:44 AM
Wow, that was unusual. Two calls, two days ina row, and long chats, plus I'm seeing you this weekend. Cool!
Aug 8 2008, 11:07 AM
(((mornington and pete)))
Aug 8 2008, 01:19 PM
the funny thing about having a heart of glass,
the thing they never tell you,
and others never think of
is that it hurts to breathe.
most people think a glass heart
is this flat, two dimensional, <3.
it's not. it's closer to crystal,
and if you could see it outside my body,
you'd wonder how i survive.
it's got four parts like yours,
pumping blood in and out,
but it's full of sharp angles
that constantly puncture--
cutting my lungs and organs.
it's a labored thing, and when i feel too deep,
there is the danger of internal bleeding,
or damage to my insides, my viscera.
(or is the word offal, and i'm just delusional?)
yesterday, lost in your insouciance,
you jarred me, knocked me off balance,
and on my way down i remembered:
people always think hearts like mine
so clearly transparent and fragile---
shatter on impact. that's it, end of story.
nothing could be further from the truth.
the problem isn't the heart, or what it's made of,
it's the damage it does to the rest of me.
and that part of me that, like my ribs.
hides my pain from you and everyone else.
internally i'm covered, with old scars from old wounds
so when i felt a rip, my insides coming apart,
i just laid there. the weight of my heart
cutting me deeper and i felt the funniest thing:
a pained smile fighting with my face--
and a whisper under my breath:
i can't say i didn't see it coming...
i've heard that there are places,
up on mountains, or lost in deserts,
where people like me go,
to recuperate, to lick their wounds.
my heart wouldn't be in something like that,
so i prop myself up, wiping the blood
from my lips, inhaling deep.
Aug 8 2008, 05:16 PM
I was having a private conversation with my friend, and you broke in saying "who's the bitch"?? And here I thought you couldn't hear!
Yes, I said it. You are a bitch. You are supposed to be tending bar, and whenever you don't want to do anything you PRETEND to not hear us.
I *whispered* this to my friend. You perked up and knew exactly what I said.
So, yes....you are a bitch. I am sorry I didn't have the courage to say it to your face. It was cowardly of me, I admit.
But it doesn't change what you are. A bitch, of the highest order.
The painters were there a while back...(oh, did you notice they don't come in anymore???)...some guy had won the dice roll of the day and was going to buy a round for the entire bar...you specifically excluded the painters because "they just bought a round"....
WTF?????? Isn't it your job to sell beer? Or beer CHIPS???
Yes, you are a bitch.
I tried to make friendly conversation with you last week...you just pretended I wasn't there.
A while back my friend was trying to get your attention...you were on the phone on a personal call...he just waved at you to let you know he was empty for when you got off the phone...
You snipped at him, "can't you see I'm on the damned phone???"
He snipped back, "sorry, I thought you were tending bar!!!"
I am sorry, but you shouldn't be dealing with the public. And I am pretty tolerant...I used to deal with the public so I know how it can get...but you don't have to be a BITCH.
And I am not coming back until you are fired.
Aug 9 2008, 12:24 PM
what a beautiful poem.
Aug 9 2008, 04:12 PM
girltrouble, i can taste the sharpness of iron at the close of your poem. thank you for living hearts out; feeling is endangered these days, it seems.
Aug 9 2008, 09:31 PM
dear you -
I did see you, I'm sure you knew that - and I'm sure you saw me, too. Yep, I ignored you. But you ignored me, too. I'm sick of being the girl who always makes the first move. If you wanted to talk to me, you would have, and you didn't. The only thing I really wish I'd done was look you dead in the eye when I was leaving, but I looked the other way. Oh well.
Kind of a bummer that it's come to this. But I'm not selling myself short anymore. I did so much. It's not my turn anymore.
Aug 10 2008, 12:33 AM
you continue to amaze me.
Aug 11 2008, 07:34 AM
Did I tell you how afraid I am? I can allow myself to get lost in you, I am afraid of being hurt by you, having my heart broken by you. I don't know what to do.
Aug 11 2008, 07:47 AM
Dear A -
you are so fucking cute. I have the hugest crush on you, and every time I'm around you, I end up drinking and getting buzzed so that I stop being so self conscious. WTF? I haven't done that since I was about 23. Yes, I know you probably think of me as that older chick that's around, and it would never enter your head to go there. But just so you know, I think that you rule. You're super talented and funny, and now I've just found out you're a chef....Christ. Why do you have to be 25?? I mean, I don't care, but I somehow don't think you are the kind to be into older (WAY older) girls. ... you could give it a whirl, though...
Aug 11 2008, 07:16 PM
I guess the truth hurts. Maybe you should have spent less time worrying about my feelings for B and more time considering what it is that makes me so close with him. I feel like I've been abused by you. You've made me in to a fool. If you ever stop thinking about yourself if even only for a second don't you dare call me, call your poor children you cold hearted prick.
When we first got together I felt like you were holing me together but now i'd rather drown in superglue that depend on you. I gave you so much and have nothing to show for it but shame. I let you back in so that you could make things right but look where I've ended up? SHAME I'm ashamed that I ever fell for a loser like you. I pray that I don't bump in to you between now and the time you leave because christ knows what poor, stupid girl you'll have on your arm. I gave you your chance to appologise to me for skipping out on me whilst I was at J's funeral and leaving a fucking note. For trying to end our relationship by text. For shouting and screaming and stabbing your boney fucking fingers in my face.
Look at yourself in the mirror and realise that you have lost. You've failed at being a husband, a father, a croupier, a son and a boyfriend.
I win G. I fucking win.
Aug 11 2008, 07:45 PM
The closer I get to you, the more I open myself up to him. I adore you both.
Aug 12 2008, 12:42 AM
Dear Tango Man,
I get it now. The lusty wave of heat that rushed through me the first time we danced - it was just about the dance. I didn't know anything about you until I googled you. Yikes. Sorry you are not my type. I'm not looking for a man who is searching for a Russian or Asian woman between the ages of 25-35 who is capable of and wants to have your baby. Too bad. Because that weak-in-the-knees feeling I get when se dance is quite addictive.
Lust is lust - it's not logical or rational, it's just lust. Stop beating yourself up for not being psychic. The man asked you out for coffee. You thought he was someone you wanted to get to know better. Now that you do, you know that it can't be anything more than dancing. And that's not such a bad thing.
Aug 12 2008, 03:02 PM
Time and Tide
a funny thing happened a while ago.
she was lying there in the surf, as she usually did, on these hot
summer days. feeling it's warmth, loving it's usual saltyness,
the smart ass back and forth of their conversations,
and the way she dove so deep.
when a funny thing happened.
at first she couldn't say what it was, the moon still hung in the air,
the stars winked as they do, like old memories sparkling.
and the fluffy clouds, as was their job, hid more important things.
so she couldn't exactly say when
that funny thing happened.
the air didn't feel any different, the birds sang their songs,
the sand beneath her, still soft and gentle, cradling her,
holding all the things she was and would be,
including all of her dreams.
but then she realized, after racking her brain,
and asking the rocks, the snails and starfish:
the tide had gone and never come back,
and it struck her as odd, that it took so long to notice,
but the funny thing was, after all this time,
she never missed it for a second.
Aug 12 2008, 06:35 PM
Enough with the dumbass questions. And you're in for an unpleasant surprise if you open my damned door again without my expressly telling you that it's okay.
BTW, my mom doesn't want you here today, she hates you. She only tolerates you to keep the peace.
Aug 13 2008, 10:34 AM
i just wanted to drop you a line, thanking you for last night. i really, really appreciated that you didn't show up for my art opening. yeah, i know i've never asked you to show up to anything i've ever done, even though i the years we've known each other i've shown up to several of yours, often with friends in tow, paying 15, 20$ for tickets for you and your friends. and when i was broke, i'd help back stage. so for you not to show up, well, again, thank you. it really meant a lot to me. because for the longest, i admired you. i did. i think of all those hours i spent on the phone with you, comforting you about your family drama because your boyfriend, now husband couldn't be bothered, or would call you some fucked up name. i think about so many of those phone calls, because so many times i would call you, needing to talk to someone, and i'd instead be treated to trixie's-life-is-so-crazy, and before i could open my mouth to tell you the tiniest bit of my life, you'd say, ooops! gotta go. love ya.
hmph. no, i do not love ya, at this point, although after last night it's clear you love yourself. i don't know why i to took me so long to realize, over all the friends i've lost over you, you only care about yourself. you bitch and moan about missing your son, your family, your friends, but when i ask the smallest thing of you-- a half hour of your time, you can't even muster an email reply saying you've already made plans. so thank you. thank you for last night, because that said more than you know.
Aug 13 2008, 08:08 PM
I don't know why you are doing this, but stop. You are tearing our shop apart. This used to be a good place to work until you got there.
You abused all the privileges they gave you. You spent all day screwing off while everybody else had to pick up your slack. And you got away with it, cause you were only one of three women in the shop. You and PK started this sorority stuff, and it would have been okay, nobody would have had a problem with it. But....you two had to be seen all over campus not doing your jobs, sitting on loading docks smoking cigarettes. Then when you were fifty service calls behind, did they tell you to quit it??? No. Your work got shifted to all of us. And in the meantime, you were still sitting on loading docks doing nothing but smoking cigarettes.
Now you're coming up with excuses....this mechanical room is too hot so you want us to shut down the steam to the building....WTF??? Are you freaking nuts???? Do you have any clue how much research that would SCREW UP????
You've been sliding on bullshit so long....
Yes, you've alienated the shop. But don't go around saying things like "I'm afraid to go into equipment rooms alone because I think somebody will beat me up", at the same time you are going around INTENTIONALLY aggravating people. I KNOW what you told GJ. You said, "I do what I do just to piss everybody off"...
Nobody here has threatened you. They just wish you would go away.
The general feeling around the shop is that you are trying to get yourself set up for a big lawsuit and settlement.
Don't you realize that when you are stirring a boiling pot, sometimes you get burned?
These guys don't deserve what you are doing to the shop.
I, especially, don't deserve what you are doing to the shop. You are ENSURING that no other woman gets hired there for a loooong, long time.
I hope you sit and really ponder the ramifications of what you are doing. You are messing with people's livelihoods.
Aug 15 2008, 11:09 AM
I wish that i knew what you thought about when you look at me. Do you think about more than being inside me? More than parties and shows? The look in your eyes longs for something, but what is it? The way you touch me, look at me, screams gentle, tender and apprehensive. But are you here for you? or do you want me. not the physical guys girl, but me. my heart and soul, my thoughts and fears. we talk and you listen, equally and fully. you gush concern when we talk of our pasts. i catch you staring at me across the bar, while i hang on to our best friend. does that hurt you? do you wish it was you?
because i do.
i wish you would take me. keep and hold me. tell me how much you want me for me and not for my curves. how you want to take our amazing friendship beyond to an amazing something else? how you wont take my heart with your tender touches and leave me tattered and torn, bruised on the inside and out. I cant take that again. i want you to be the one to mend my view of men. make me know that you dont all cheat and lie. W doesnt understand how i can simultaneously love men, and fear them so much. change that for me. im tired of being afraid. step up j. and take me. ill go with you.
but dont. because god, i am so afraid.
afraid of what it would do to the trifecta, afraid of what it would do to us. afraid of who they would choose. afraid of what i have sacrificed in this. what i would sacrifice. i want to, but know we cant. or shouldnt. how mature would we be if it didnt work?
i cant sacrifice that much.
so i suppose that i will keep you in my head and heart. hold you in a drunken stupor to mask my attraction. catch you staring at me, because im staring at you. listen to you talk about your problems, wanting to be the one to help you fix them. and stand casually by while you experience other women, and watch you watch me when i find another lover. even though i saw you watching.
thanks for being there j. even if its not how i want, and the only way it can be.
get the fuck over it and move on.
Aug 15 2008, 01:53 PM
You are a total and complete piece of shit. How many more family members can you insult? How many jobs are you goin to lose? Suck it up and take care of your responsibilities. I am not impressed with your use of big words. If it wasn't for I. I would have NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. You are not smart. You are not talented and I don't believe a word that comes out of y our mouth. N does because she wants to. She has to. Nobody else is fooled by you. and MC does not have to speak to your racist ass if he doesn't want to. Get over yourself. Keep stuffin your face till you get sick and go home.
Aug 15 2008, 03:01 PM
dear various internet people, most of whom are busties and blu-ers,
thank you, you fucking rock my gloomy little world
sleep well, dearest heart.
with love and nose-rubs
you are such a fucking misogynistic twazzock, which is a pity, because you're clearly smart, educated and literate. Buck the fuck up before I have to rip you a new one over something petty.
Aug 15 2008, 03:42 PM
(((((((mornington)))))))) I'm so sorry....
Dear K -
I suppose this is the test (at least for me) of what kind of friend you really are. So I introduced you to A, knowing you'd be the perfect person to put together the project he needed to hire someone for, and of course, he thought you were the right person for the job. I've been your ear, your support, your advice giver through this. You know my thoughts and feelings about A and I know your opinions on those. - it's why I've stopped confiding my feelings and thoughts about him and the situation to you. You see, I DO talk about people who are important to me, to my good friends. If it meant nothing to me, I'd never have divulged anything to you. But you have brushed it off, saying basically that I should get my head around the fact that it was nothing. Well I don't agree. Every girl I know follows the girl code... you've even mentioned it to me before. But I'm not feeling good about the fact that all of a sudden I'm being cut out of any assistance I offer to give you on this project, the assistance that you so readily accepted not so long ago. I'm also not feeling good about the fact that it seems your communication with A is increasing. I'm really sorry if I'm WAY off base, but I know that you and I are very different when it comes to matters of the heart, and I have to tell you that I'm kinda wondering if you're falling into some sort of deeper communication with A. Honestly, that would really fucking hurt me if you're going in any kind of direction other than business. Sorry, but had to say it. I know you think that my feelings are bullshit, but they're real. I consider you one of my best friends and though you might not agree with the way I approach things in my life, it's me. And I feel the same about you - I may not agree with the way you approach things always, but I love you. I'm an adult, I know shit happens. I can't do anything about this, but already I'm hurt that I'm being cut out of all involvement with this project, to the point that no one involved even knows I was the one who referred you (which is kind of a big deal, as you know) I just really hope you're not going there. Please dont' break that girl friend code. Don't. Like I said, maybe I'm off base and this is just a test for me, but there you go. That's how I feel and what I'm thinking.
also please bear in mind that you don't have to run into A out and about and basically have to endure being ignored, and having to ignore.... you dont' have to actively step through the dead embers of what once seemed like a fantastic friendship that would just get better. That just makes this whole thing even shittier.
Aug 15 2008, 06:26 PM
Aug 16 2008, 01:40 AM
SB (BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LOSER!),
A sure did piss you off, didn't she? That's one of the things I love about my dear cousin - she's a scream!
So, you sure were acting animated when my aunt was talking to you. Was it because she's a colleague, or were you so thrilled to have someone talk to you?
Do you have any idea how RUDE it is to turn the television up when other people are talking? You should've been thrown out on your ass for doing that.
Please, stop parading around here in your form-fitting shirts. We all see that you're trying to show off, and we all think it's laughable. You're not attracting lustful stares, you're attracting ridicule. So just STOP.
And... I'm wondering if all that ado you told me about before the end of term even happened. I wouldn't be surprised.
Aug 16 2008, 06:50 AM
dear oldest sister:
sigh. i don't know where to begin. how many times have we had this conversation? yes, i believe that you can love more than one person at the same time. yes, i believe that open relationships can work for *some people*. the problem here comes in with the fact that your marriage is NOT open. you took a vow. so did he. staying with him because "you can't afford not to, because he will never give you <your> half" is a cop-out.
you have had so many outside relationships that you called "the love of your life" in the past 15+ years, that we all call them your "flavor du jour". that's pretty telling, don't you think?
thanksgiving is MY holiday. it is often the ONLY time i get to spend in MY house. yes, if you are in the states, you can come. you cannot bring your flavor du jour, however. and you can COMPLETELY forget about having a handfasting while you are there.
YOUR KIDS WILL BE THERE, for goddess' sake! can't you think about someone besides yourself for a change? see your latest "love of your life" on your own time. don't drag me and your kids into it. i still can't believe how gracefully our sister the healer accepted it. i suspect that was because she is so broken about losing the REAL love of her life after 32 years that anything that you do around her is seen and processed through a fog of grief. how DARE you compare your made up never consummated relationship to the healer and the falcon? you should only be so lucky. you MIGHT be, if you divorced your husband, and woke up enough to find someone who isn't emotionally or otherwise unavailable.
some day you may see that the same scenario plays itself out over and over and over with these flavors du jour, and that the only static factor is YOU. so maybe, just maybe, the problem has something to do with you instead of always with them?
yes, i'm a nice person. but this fake exu is NOT coming to my house for thanksgiving. go ahead, get pissed about it. i don't really care at this point. if you go ahead and do as you please, the way that you did at elle's wedding, i will make a scene about it. and i don't care if his feelings get hurt. i really do.not.care.
hoping that this relationship falls apart before we reach that point,
your "little sister"
Aug 16 2008, 10:15 AM
(((((mornington))))) oh and twazzock is my new favorite word
Aug 16 2008, 12:59 PM
thanks again for calling me and talking for an hour and forty minutes on *Saturday morning* to bitch, whine, nag, when you have absolutely nothing to complain about ~ (except possibly that your life is maybe too easy.) Thanks also for the silly fundamentalist christian rant? such horseshit, can't believe you still talk that trash to me after all these years, you don't think I've heard enough? Thanks also for reminding me why i'm anxious, nelurotic and straight crazy.
Aug 16 2008, 01:57 PM
dear molar -
please don't get infected again or abcess. I cannot deal again with having to work through the pain I was in last week. The nice dentist who did a root canal on you at 7 PM LAST NIGHT probably saved my life, because I would have probably pulled you out myself had he not offered to do anything. I have to pack tonight, get on a train, then get through 10 days of work, straight, starting tomorrow - in another city - so your cooperation in this matter is greatly appreciated.
Aug 16 2008, 05:39 PM
thank you for the incredibly interesting, engaging, and artistic people i've been meeting so far. including men who are not afraid of their intuitive, emotional, so-called feminine sides.
as if gender were so ... binaristic.
it exists, though.
and thank you for supporting me in pushing out this weekend to hang out more. i got back from a friend's bbq, and tho folks were smoking and now i have a headache and feel sick, i'm glad i got to see people and see how i would like to be treated by people.
it's all about watching, learning, and meeting.
and other stuff, too.
thanks for being with me through all of the stuff, other and not.
Aug 16 2008, 07:35 PM
Stop making dreams about M. It isn't fair to keep reminding me.
Aug 17 2008, 10:49 AM
thank you for being you.
Aug 17 2008, 12:28 PM
really seriously, you're going to be o k.
back isn't down and you're still being proactive and that's forward too.
it's ok to be where you're at, even just to catch your breaths for a second.
you are o k.
don't stop believin',
Aug 17 2008, 02:03 PM
I'm not going to take you for granted any more I promise. It's going to be hard when there's holes in my only jeans and I want to go out dancing and I want a bar of chocolate or a new book. I swear I'll try my best not to say "I HAVE TO HAVE THIS!".
You know I'm such a princess it'll be hard not to kick up a fuss when D is around being a major dick but if keeping my mouth shut means keeping you close to me I have no choice.
Forever your panda princess.
Aug 17 2008, 10:03 PM
WTF? I thought we were fine. I had an inkling you were pissed when you didn't call me back to get what I brought back for you. I mean, let's face it, you have an issue. So you ignored me, ignored me, ignored me. I didn't find out until yesterday that you had drama until you barked & hung up on me. WTF did I do? If this is about the gig I did for you, if you're so unsatisfied then why did you try to pay me? I let you in on every stage of the process, you saw the results immediately. There were NO surprises. So why are you acting the cunt? You won't tell me what I did (And if I've offended somebody I generally KNOW.) & you won't give me a chance to rectify it. I DIDN'T DO YOU DIRT. SO WHAT IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM?!
I am not calling your parents on this. I'm not gonna put your mom in that sitch. Yeah, I have some beef with your dad, but that's because he's rude & insulting. I'm not gonna cloud this issue with that even though I still don't know what it is.
Even the other J is mystified & I thought if anybody understood your psycho-emotional bullshit, it was him. I'm not sorry I went to him, he & I get along & he has a pretty good handle on his shit. Even he is baffled, but you're not talking to him either, so whatever.
I am a boon to you. Let's not torch a bridge that need not be torched.
You make me cry, y'know that? You confuse me so sometimes. I'm torn between utter elation & absolute dread when it comes to you. I don't doubt your intentions are pure, but you can see my dilemma, no?
Aug 18 2008, 01:44 AM
i saw it coming, closed my eyes,
not holding on, but letting go,
should have hit the brakes
but i think i like that crazy freedom
when my heart beats faster
waiting to hear from you,
that free fall zero gravity lightness
just before we tense up, afraid
we grit our teeth, and hold too tight
knowing the anticipation is about to end
bracing, losing all sense, cos pain is on it's way
and these bruises become something else,
same as you and i
Aug 18 2008, 08:00 AM
I never meant this. Ever. I am sorry you feel this way. You mean a tremendous amount to me. I was merely saying what I interpreted your e-mail as saying, that you needed time off. I have learned that when someone wants something, or appears to, it is best to give them what they want, which is why my reply was short. It meant nothing in terms of me not wanting you or not caring. When you said you couldn't, that hurt. A lot. I do not know what you want anymore.
Aug 18 2008, 09:42 PM
Can you lay off, just for a bit???
I wish you a peaceful passing. I wish I could be there for it, but I don't think it will be possible. Know that I will do my best to honor your memory and to make a wonderful celebration of your life for your friends. I wish this disease hadn't caused such suffering to you. I hope you can find peace, once the time comes.
I can't cope with your shop meeting, this time. I am not involved in all the shop uproar, I have a dying Mom, AND am losing my best friend at the same time, and now I have to stand here and let you belittle me and threaten me? Our shop does not deserve this. This should be addressed to the several people who are causing the issue. And you say that NO time off will be approved during the timeframe of this meeting. I guess you have not had a dying mother yet.
You are my bestest female friend. I don't have many, mostly because my life revolves around work and I work with all men. Other than you, my only two female friends, are friends because they are girlfriends of guys I work with. Not quite the same.
I wish to hell you weren't moving to Georgia. I understand about your husband not liking it up here and he has family down there, but dammit...I will miss you. Thank you for the farmers market basket. Although I think it will make me cry when I think about going to the farmers market without you. You rock, chica, and for the time you were in my life, you made me realize that I CAN have women friends. You are my best friend.
And you better get that picture messaging cell phone plan...if I do, you have to, so we can send pics back and forth.
You were supposed to be an easy fix. Dammit. Well, as easy as a new compressor can be. You have to have a leaky evaporator too????? I should have never gave your owner that $600.00 quote!
You too...you are taking lessons from your little sister, the -20. Damn you too.
PS: See what I mean??? Lay off a bit.
Aug 18 2008, 10:32 PM
i'm so sorry.
Aug 18 2008, 11:28 PM
Y'know what? I'ma hug the Treehugger, too. ((((((((((Treehugger))))))))))
I know it's the natural order that we all pass, but that doesn't make it any easier. You need anything, let us know, okay? Fer reals. Anything I can do for you, I'm on like Tron.
Aug 19 2008, 01:43 AM
Aug 19 2008, 02:42 AM
(((Treehugger))) my heart goes out to you and your family.
Aug 19 2008, 09:38 AM
Aug 19 2008, 02:11 PM
We have been growing very close as of late. You went through hard time and opened up to me, I worry about you. I think about you constantly. I went through some difficult times, and you listened to me cry, yell, and be angry with work. You listen to my frustrations and listen to me talk about how hard it is for me to maintain my beliefs all while trying to remain professional. I cannot thank you enough for your support during this time.
I also have to tell you how much you mean to me. We talk all the time, nearly every day, for hours at a time. You call me out of the blue and we have such amazing and intense, wonderful conversations. When I am with you, I feel like we are the only two people in the world. I want to be with you, to love you, to open myself up to you.
This scares me. I would change my patterns for you, in fact I already am. I am remaining loyal to you, and there is nothing going on but a friendship. Yet, when we get together, it feels like we are a couple, things feel so good, and so right. I could be having a bad day and you make me forget, you make me feel better.
I will be devastated and destroyed, heart broken if you date someone else. I know you would never hurt me intentionally. But we get each other. We have differing idea's and viewpoints on things, yet we can talk for hours.
Last night you told me the company on Saturday was divine, we talk about how things are and allude to feelings, but neither of us has stepped up to say how we feel. You did say that the time wasn't right, right now because you aren't at 100 percent yourself. I will wait for you.
With that said, because we are so close, I am so afraid of losing you, but why else would you call me all the time and talk to me all the time for hours and hours on end if you didn't have feelings which were more than friends. You came out for my friends birthday, and you didn't know anyone. That was a lot of fun. We've been hanging out a lot lately. I don't know if it because you are trying to heal or what. I am confused, but I like what is happening with us. You don't know how vulnerable this makes me feel, as much as I put on a hard exterior and don't get close to people, I do have feelings, I just avoid them and bury them. I cannot do this with you anymore. Avoidance just does not work with you.
Please be kind, and gentle.
Please, don't hurt me.
Aug 19 2008, 03:00 PM
Dear asshat neighbour
stop yelling out your window at me. if I ignore you the first five times you shout "hey", I'm hardly going to reply to the eighteenth time? You are creepy and weird and everybody hates you because you are such a pain in the arse.
Don't make me call the council.
- neighbour lady
Dear gods of finance
I can haz a monie? plz?
Aug 19 2008, 06:30 PM
hear, hear. I've been there, and gah. ((((rudderless)))) I understand, completely.
Everybody, thank you SO MUCH for the hugs...they mean more than I can express.
Aug 19 2008, 07:39 PM
i love you to death, but you are a first class bitch. i cannot stand when you walk in adn the first thing you do is start bitching about how i have been home all day and havent done shit. thas bullshit. you havent BEEN home all day and you dont know shit about what i have and have not done. do NOT start bitching at me the moment you walk in because the world isnt neat enough for your white bread only child ass. leave me the hell alone. i dont bitch at you when i come home. i dont bitch at you when you walk in and change everything about the room, despite my having been there first and staying there for longer. i do not care if you think that the kitchen is not clean becuase i didnt throw in an atomic bomb and have it rebuilt by OCD monks. i do not care if you are cold because the fan is on and you are walking around in boxers and a tank top. it is easier to put more clothes on than it is to take more of, because guess what, if i take off to many, then i should stop walking around like a street walker. I do not care that you think it is unnatural fro homosexuality to be in the world. i am not a close minded bigot, so no, i will not ridicule it with you. this does not mean that i am any of the derogatory terms you throw out oh so tentatively in your innocent tactless way. I do not care what TA is doing, nor is it my responsibility to know. yes i spend most of the day in the computer or in my room. yes i do have to live in there because when eve i venture out, i have 'been living in squalor all day' and am ' a lazy do nothing' thank you so much for reminding me that i am not working because i cannot find a job. thank you so much for reminding me that i dropped out of school because i had a melt down. thank you so much for reminding me that TA is a much better person to have around. thank you for reminding me that it is my responsibility to do everything that you should be doing. thank you for reminding me that you are jealous of my relationship with my father. get up off your ass and make an effort. no its not healthy for that to be an issue. thank you for telling me frequently how useless and inconvenient i am, in the same breathe as telling me you want me here. bull fucking shit. newsflash, i cant wait to be out of your hair, and if thats what you want, then i wont come back. but for now, leave me the fuck alone.
gods of employment:
may i please find a job now? please? ill be good i promise....
Aug 19 2008, 08:14 PM
thank you for naming a city "wang dong."
*snickers* it's "ho ho!"
ETA, tree, rudder, that's why i lurves the two of you. you're so badass!
Aug 19 2008, 10:15 PM
Stop being such a fucking asshole! You are making my mother so upset and she works so fucking hard for you. You are making all of us upset and there is no reason for it. You make me so angry and I hate you for it.
Aug 19 2008, 11:54 PM
QUOTE(girltrouble @ Aug 19 2008, 08:14 PM)
thank you for naming a city "wang dong."
*snickers* it's "ho ho!"
ETA, tree, rudder, that's why i lurves the two of you. you're so badass!
This is probably a total HIPAA violation, but we have a patient named Dong Wang. We all giggle when he comes in. Wait, it gets worse. He works for a huge, well-known technology company based here in Chicago and one day I needed to reach him urgently, but the number I had for him at work was old, so I tried getting the new number from the operator. Because I didn't know his department or anything, she couldn't tell me because, I shit you not- there were too many Dong Wang's working at the company to tell which one was him.
((more hugs for tree))
Aug 20 2008, 01:19 AM
Why have you not died of a stroke/heart attack yet? Whenever I come to visit death is sitting on the couch staring at you. I bet if you took a shower death would come near you.
Bless your heart,