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i agree with freckle. that letter needs to be read. it's sooo very honest, and, it sounds like, needed.

I concur, your letter should be sent. Keep comin' around. We've got your back.
credit union:

what the Hell does No Share Draft Account mean??
we deposited that big check to you so we could pay for the home repairs; yes it was a rebate check from the new a/c we just bought - soooooooooo?
you told the mr it would take 10 days to clear, so I waited 11 or 12 to date it for the fixit man, who was terribly understanding about it and now This?

your letter doesn't say insuffient funds (damn straight it better not!) so what the hell is this?
did it bounce or not??
we only have that stupid account with you for the very reason of check-cashing puposes in the first place! mad.gif
maud damn but banks piss me off !

so seriously going to call & likely cuss you out tomorrow, if only for scaring the shit out me & adding MORE Damn STRESS,

a seriously Pissed Off,
future former customer

redneck bank in our legal home of record far from where we actually live:
if it's not Too much trouble in the future? could you please post our direct deposits on the actual day we get paid, instead of some arbitrary week day you seem to pick from your nose?
crazily enough we actually Count on that money being there on the day it leaves uncle sam's pocket.
granted I realise this'll require you to get the shovel & dig up the pot out back much sooner than you had planned, but hey- that's life in the big city sometimes and NO, I 'CANNOT come in to a local branch & talk about it!' mad.gif

now I think I understand why people blow banks up and it's Not to get the money from you,


I............ ok I can't surrender bc it's not in my nature but damn you almost had me to the mat this time.
what do you want from me?
what issue do I need to unearth & acknowledge & rectify if neccessary, to get me back to Me?
I miss me.
maybe I was young and stupid & naieve before, but I think I was also occassionally a hell of a lot of fun. and I helped people. changed lives. taught & supported and maybe even on an exceptionally good day, did a wee bit of healing to boot.

when did I get so scared?
when did the boogeyman slip into my ears & make me constantly afraid ?

I can be better, even if it takes me a little bit of time,
I will rise above this.

Dear universe,

You sure know how to throw a curve ball dontcha? I suppose it makes sense given that's how I am too! All's well, not like you're doing anything to stick a cucumber up my ass.

I wanted to tell you all thank you so much for your kind words and support. I've been so scared to say something to my parents, for fear of being another unnecessary stressor or for possibly upsetting them. However, thanks to you all I have tried to let my parents know how I am feeling. I didn't print the letter out-I may still, if I feel it's necessary. But today I went to my therapist with my mom, and the three of us discussed the issues at hand. My mom has apologized today, and promises to be better from now on. I'm kind of wary of her promises, which I think is understandable, but I now know that I will be able to let her know how I'm feeling and if I want something to change. The support from so many wonderful busties is overwhelming and amazing. I know that it's only a couple days in, but I already feel better knowing that I have a group of non-judgemental, unbiased people I can turn to when I need to. I feel silly because I'm crying as I type this, but I'm so relieved and grateful. I feel like a huge weight has already been lifted off of my chest. This is getting really long-winded but I just want to make sure everyone fully understands how much typing that letter and getting feedback about it meant to me.

This sounds dumb but I honestly love you all. I don't know you, but you mean a lot to me. Especially you, Freckle. I don't have the words to say what your message means to me. I wish I did, but I will just hope that my gratitude will be understood despite my inability to totally articulate it.

I don't know how to end this, so I will just say I will talk to you all later and on a very regular basis. smile.gif
Crosby, we love you back.
thank you all Busties here, for all the love & support; you are all like the best friends in real life I don't have {near me}
I owe all of you such a debt of gratitude.

sweetie, you've got a friend here, anytime you need me ( and about a dozen + other fantastic Busties as well smile.gif ) my box is always open to pm & talk honey.

I think your letter touched me bc while I know it wasn't intended for me, as a parent, and ok as a wife and 1/2 of an occasionally stormy relationship (I storm, he waits it out, lol) it really made me think of the impact our disagreements might be having on our frecklette.
she's an only child and there isn't anyone to share the emotions (scary & otherwise) our fights probably bring up. essentially- you made me want to be a better, more responsible parent to her and that is a Huge Thank You !!

tons & tons of hugs for your words & sharing ~
and now please cover your young eyes bc I am about to drop some seriously Bad language here (!!),
love freckle

Credit Union:


Y O U !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how DARE You?!?!
you close our account without bothering to notify us (that I have thus far discovered) and then, when this HUGE check is deposited, do nothing more than send us a fucking Letter in the mail 2 -weeks -Later, in language that I don't understand so I have to call you and yet *I* am in the wrong????

do you have ANY Idea how humiliating it has been to have to call our fixit man to tell him what happened?? that you have made us look like total DeadBeats after the generousity & kindness he granted us in doing the repairs (at a discount at that, bc he knew we didn't have Tons of money to start with) and letting us work out a payment plan over time and then the check I wrote him was Bogus?!?!

as soon as my ducks are lined up in a row, you are so Seriously going to be hearing from me ( & maybe our lawyer as well ~

a ranting & raving disgruntled customer

maybe I'm gettin' it now, anger is an easier emotion to deal with and I get that it's my turn so
Batter UP!
dear you:

i don't have to tell you that you wow me.
i've told you countless ways, using up every word in my lexicon,
and for someone who always has the right word at the ready,
you've left me speechless, breathless, senseless.
you don't have to be a genius
to see this will probably end with me getting hurt
-- not that you'd do that intentionally,
i know your heart better than that
maybe, i'm just scared.

you're this amazing hurricane...
we're so far from each other,
all the same, i'm struggling to keep upright
trying to hold on to anything nailed down.
and we both know, that ain't much.
but i couldn't imagine wanting to harness you,
to calm those winds, the wetness of your rain,
or the rollercoaster chinook of our conversations
i'm not even trying to wait it out.
as frightened as you make me, as terrified as i am,
i've learned to relish being whipped around by you
cos, calm weather really doesn't interest me anymore.

Dang, GT, somebody out there's ears are burning!

Dear Redneck,

The fuck do you want from me? You took him without even letting me say goodbye, I let you keep him even if I feel like blowing your head off for your stupidity, thoughtlessness, & insensitivity. WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME? I have too much going on this week/weekend to be fucking with your shit, too. Give it a rest, asshole. You're not my problem anymore.


Dear Grandma,

Please don't die. I can't handle any more death right now. I . . . just can't. I've tried so hard to be strong to do what I have to do here, but if I lose you, too . . . my heart will break into a million billion trillion tiny pieces. I'm not sure I'm made of strong enough stuff to come back from that. No, I *know* I'm not strong enough. I try so hard! But I know this time I will fail & fail spectacularly. So hold on, okay? Pretty please. I'll make whatever deal with God I have to. I'm just taking up space, he can have me, all right? Just don't go anywhere, people need you. Grandad needs you. I need you. I love you.

Little AP

(((((little ap)))))

I thought I saw you at the movies, in my row, last night. But it was dark..
Well, it's been 3 years. Haven't seen you since graduation. I would still think of you at intervals. I've wondered if you ever knew about that big, embarrassing crush I had on you wink.gif
I don't think you could've known, I was such an introvert. I wanted to speak to you during classes so bad, but my mind would draw a blank. I couldn't even look at you without feeling awkward.
Last night I kept looking to my right, thinking I might be able to see for sure if it was you. But, there were too many people between us. When the movie was over I stood up immediately, and looked. Still couldn't tell. Everyone in the row was looking at me as if to say "go by, we're staying for the credits" (including you/whoever it was I thought was you), so I squeezed past. I wanted to look as I went by, but that terrible awkward feeling came over me again, so I didn't.
I was almost out of the theater when I heard someone holler your name. Did I stop and look? No. I couldn't bring myself to stop, even though I wasn't 100% sure it was you. The fleeting glance wasn't enough to confirm anything.
I thought I was past it, but I guess I'm still awkward.
~ Jenn
dear healer:

i wish that there was something that i could do or say that would help make that lonely well of despair something that you could climb out of. the truth is that there are chinks in the bricks that make it up, that someday, when you are ready, your hands will seek them out and find them, even in the dark. it will take strength and determination. you don't seem to be able to find those right now, but you have them. i've been witness to them all of my life.

your falcon has flown. he has passed into the upper realms that we can only reach when we pass through them ourselves. i can't know how you feel. i can only linger briefly at the precipice of thinking what i would feel if it were hotbuns and i was in your boots (you don't wear shoes).

i hope that being with elle and suomi boy has brought at least a small amount of light back into your life. i hope that looking into the deep yellow eyes of a leopard in october, when you are with me, will bring a part of your own fire back.

i reach out to you, and feel the cold distance of 8,000 miles. i hope you feel my caress, however slightly.

i love you. to the top of the sky, and back.


((((((((little ap)))))))))

girl trouble, you - and your words - are amazing. she sounds like a force of nature. give yourself up to her, and never forget that you, too, are an elemental part of life. be the water to her fire. be the black night to her lightening. being scared is what makes it work.

it's all sepia now,
things without you.
drained of color.

it's not drab exactly,
just sort of on hold,
or pause.

i can still see things
clear, cool, interesting
but there is the absence

of sharing it with you.
to see it thru your eyes,
and the way you make my life
more real

Dear nose,

Stop running. Blech! It's disgusting.


dear MSL


x-box live:
please start working again soon!
this junkie needs her Uno fix!

slow & steady
you'll get there
love, me
Dear Dr. Bohus

I have met you once and when you treat my kidney it'll be twice. Please take good care of me, because I'm scared witless. I'm too young to be this sick. I'm too young to be accruing the amount in medical bills that I have. I'm too young to be complaining about shit that is supposed to only effect old folks. I'm scared of going under anesthesia. So Doc, take good care of me.


Dear Mrs. Rouge,

You are my rock, my shelter, my darling angel. Because you would take my pain for me I am eternally grateful. Thanks for sticking by me during this rough patch. thanks for taking care of me and not asking for anything in return. Thanks for showing me what true love is. You are sitting next to me, and yet, every day you encircle me. I need you to take care of me, I need you to encircle me, I need you. I know that you will be there. You are my first and last true love.

-The Other Mrs. Rouge

Dear MIL,
thanks for picking up the tab on my meds. Anything you need, I'll do my best.

-Your DIL
Dear Ha Shem,

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. my prayers have been answered . thank you thank you thank you



Dear C -

can you please get your ass online? I'd like to chat.

thank you.


Dear Work, particularly the office I'm at right now,

You people are a bunch of manipulative assholes who don't need me for staffing at all. It is not my job to make up for your short comings or short sightedness. I am honestly going to do everything in my power to fuck you people over, especially because you people have ordered me to do things like a dog.

What you have done here is a blatant mususe and abuse of my role. You have a whole office to train staff, it is not in my mandate to train your staff.

You all can go fuck yourselves, I plan on doing nothing but fucking the dog all week. Your new staff cna figure it out on their own.


deschatsrouge: i hope you are on the up and up and that your healing process is what you need it to be!

dear universe,

thank you for the terrifying dream last night. it illuminated a lot of my fears, and also opened me up to what is possible, and what is currently holding me back in my life. i know that i have been afraid, and i know that i have used that fear to buttress and fortify myself as i kept moving.

keeping on moving has kept me going and alive for a while, and i realize that now it is time to put the finer touches onto my life, like really, consciously creating what is possible in my life, and not just feeling incited through fear, loneliness, and inertia.

that's it: i have felt inert for a very long time, afraid to express my desire, passions, and true callings because i was afraid of how to pull it off financially. i have been, for the past year and and a half, fully financially self-sufficient in a way that feels good, although getting here has felt incredibly challenging and i've worked a lot to get here, and probably made my health suffer more than it needed to.

if i approach life with an open heart, and if i am able to see that change can be helpful, and that laying down and not getting up again is not something that creates, inspires, or heals me, then i can climb down from my wooden tower, held up by stilts, and come down, to face the monsters that want to climb up the tree ladder from below.

if i face them with my eyes open, during the light of day, i will see what it is i truly fear - in myself, in the people around me, in my own world.

i am not afraid of learning, of being wrong, of being loved. i am not afraid of loving and creating and making mistakes. i am not afraid of being outside, afraid, and living in a way that what i truly love is made alive and visible in my work.

i am not afraid, and i am going to move this body, and the blood will work its way through my veins, and my heart will remember what it truly means to beat.

i love you, universe. thank you for the dream, thank you for the people you are introducing me to, and persimmon_grrrl, thank you for being brave and coming through all this time alive, breathing, walking, and still heartened.

with love,

i know things are rough now. i do. but when i hear about you drinking in the mornings-- well i get worried. you know i think the world of you, and i know this is a shitty situation, but i think you are better than that. i know you are stronger than that. remind yourself you are on your way out, and don't let them get to you. slack as hard as you can, and look for something better, k? but please, please don't take on their bullshit. please don't let them take that wonderful shine you have. and i know it's not much, but know i'm thinking of you. because i am. constantly. and if there was anything i could do, i would.


for a while i couldn't see where you were leading me, and i guess i got angry. i was hurt, and scared. but now i see the direction you want me to go, and i'm hoping the rewards are all that they seem to be now. but i'm still scared. i'm still sheepish. and i know it's a lot to ask to baby me, but i have to ask, because things are really touch and go moneywise right now, so i'm going to trust, and hope, and work in the direction you've pointed me, in the hopes that you have that something better i need.


dear puppies:

please, for the love of your mama, please
chewing on
well........... EVERYTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's gone from really bad to terribly worse in the few weeks Daddy has been gone- acting out or just being twin ass pains??
I realise that sis & I can't take you out for walks like daddy & I did before.. my back cannot medically withstand the tugging & jerking sinse you two have gotten so big & strong,but still, you have the run of the whole big backyard, and we give you chew bones, and oodles of toys, and we play with you and want so much to love on you more, but with the jumping & biting it's just gotten out of control.
the kitchen island I was willing to concede; it wasn't expensive & we can live w/ it being in the other room for now.
but the danish pine table and then my antique german wedding basket?! - did you REALLY Have to get That Too?!?!?! (sob)

from now on you are outside when it's early morning up til when it gets hot, then you can come in to the kitchn only for the worst parts of the heat, but then back out you go again. it's that or you spend ALL your time in your crates, which is cruel & I won't do to you.
and if, (please please no) you start to chew on the wood siding (again), esp the boards we just had replaced in the repairs, I'll have no choice but to, well, my heart cannot bear to let my fingers say the words.

I love you my darlins', I do, I really REALLY DO, but this is a house we'll have to sell in a few more years and your damage & destruction has already been hugely considerable and your mama is already dealing with sooooo much just to keep my head above water moment to moment.
please lovebugs, be the good babies I know and believe you can be? my heart is on a path to being broken if you don't sad.gif

Dear various stores in my town,
Why don't you carry my bra size? Why?!?! I know I'm not a freak of nature. There must be other 34DDs in the world, but the closest I could find were 38DDs. What the hell? Why must this be so difficult?!?!
I guess I'll have to go to Nordstrom & fork over the big bucks. And if they don't have my size either, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Dear boobs,
Please stop growing.

Dear thighs,
That goes double for you.
Dear self,
Just step away from the job search, step away from the computer, and get out of the house. This is not healthy, you are annoying everyone and you need a break from this. And if you really, really want to call those people, go for it. The worst that can happen is nobody answering the phone.


Dear job gods,
Did I do something wrong last time? I'm wondering if I've been blacklisted or if the last job was a fluke. Throw me something, please.

Dear roseviolet:
We are apparently boob twins; Target does carry 34DDs, actually, if you have one nearby!

Dear friends:
I know you didn't want me to be hurt, but seriously, that was a bit of information that I really kinda needed to know. It would have saved me a lot of running around after a boy who didn't want me, and a lot of whining to the crush thread here.
QUOTE(llamas @ Jul 30 2008, 03:55 PM) *
Dear roseviolet:
We are apparently boob twins; Target does carry 34DDs, actually, if you have one nearby!

And I recently saw a thing in Consumers Reports where they tested La Perla, Victoria's Secret and whatever Target's housebrand is (Gilligan & O'Malley or whatever it's called) and the Target brand rated much better in terms of comfort and how the bra wore over time. The other two, the underwire got misshapen, the fabric pilled after only a couple of washings.
Dear You,

I don't know what to say anymore. I have never felt so confused about my feelings for someone. I think that I love you and I hate it. I hate feeling this way, knowing that you don't feel the same way toward me. I hate you for making me love you. You are always there for me, you always make me feel better when I'm at my lowest. And I hate that when you come over I can't just lean over and be held in your arms. And then there are the times that I think I don't really have feelings for you; there's no spark, I'm just imagining it all. I don't regret that one drunken night we had together. You were so sweet in the morning. I just wanted to hold onto you forever and never let go. I wish you would make love to me over and over again but once again, I know that you don't feel that way about me. I don't know what to do anymore. You are one of my best friends but I feel like I can't be around you because it hurts too much. How stupid is that? I can't be around you because I like you too much. I wish someone else would come along and sweep me off my feet so that I could stop thinking about you. I hate that I love you.

note to self:

it's 2 a.m. go to sleep already! you gotta work tomorrow.

your friend and your self,
Thanks for the bra suggestions. Unfortunately, I wrote my letter right after a visit to my local Target. Le sigh.
redneck bank:
I still hate you.

our money is in there, you even show it in one line, but not in the Available Balance place, bc you're going to make us wait till 12:01AM tonight before you Give us Our Money.
do you not realise that every bank in the world Except YOU has already paid everyone else in the world?
what ass do I have to kiss to get you to give me my damn money?!

= visualizing 1 tiny stick of dynamite & running like hell=

future former customer

Fake Soldier Son:
not going to be there at your homecoming tomorrow;
not bc I Can't (which you don't know about & might not understand & don't need to worry about anyway) but bc of the's supposed to 98* in the shade & w/ allll those people that will be crowded in there & I am just thinking it's kind of stupid to add to the fray.
but I'm going to call you, and see about inviting you & the skan- I mean Wife- over for pizza & beer one night instead? ( & then send home a nice home made lasagna for you, but as we have no kitchen table (due to the puppies who chewed on it so it had to go for now) pizza in the saftey of the living room is about as good as it gets these days.

frecklette, the mr & I are so Enrmously PROUD of you kiddo, like you were our very own but w/ better looks , lol
much much love, Fake Army Mom

mr: what gives?
I know you are fighting a war & all but could ya drop us a line at least?
you don't even want to know what your 2 youngest fur kids did today, (besides the public driveway debacle that was bath time for each), but it reduced me to tears.

floating in space, battling puppies & loosing,
mrs (Tom)
i admire you so.....

gt g'waaaan - you know it's a totally reciprocal feeling all around.
some friendships are just meant to be smile.gif

( & a much better night w/ the wee puppies was had tonight- hurrah!!)

apparently, you get online & read while I am asleep at night bc tonight was wonderful & you were the sweet & good dollbaby's I knew you could be. I am so glad and Sis & I are more in love with you than ever.
now if you could only get your Daddy to Phone Home...
love Mama

ex bff:
so here it is.
are you trying to compete w/ me for 'who's got more issues' or are you really that screwed up?
I know I have some stuff, but it's stuff I'm trying really hard to be honest about dealing with, even if it's long past due to attempt it, but you..
tonight's emails just immediately struck me as made up.
it's not a competition bc You Win. hell you won before I ever even knew you wanted to play & had started without me.
you & your Mommy Dearest & your mr & your , well, all of it.
I don't need the limelight like that. I've had enough shit in my life w/out trying to One Up you. you've always had my honesty, my sympathy & my complete & utter support, even the times you shut me out, but I don't appreciate being lied to and after 10 years with you? FINALLY I feel pretty sure I can recognize that.
none of this suprises me, and I am not going to stop being your friend, but I Am saddened.
what is so wrong w/ the stuff I already know you are dealing with that you have to invent more? you're probably one of the singularly craziest people I've ever known as it is!

standing still but moving ever so minutely back,
dear pg,

i know you can't sleep, but another night until 3:30 in the morning?

i wish i could sleep.

I know you are furious with me for what I wrote to you today, but I DO hope it blows up in his face.
he doesn't deserve you. you are 10 million trillion times way too good to even let your shadow offer shade on a blistering day to a bottom dweller like that.
and if he's just told you he's 'not quite ready to leave her yet' what do you think he's Really telling HER then?
he is very VERY *MARRIED.*
maybe even happily so. you honest to pete never know.
I've tried to protect you from yourself, shared some stuff that I had never even planned to tell you hoping to reality smack you into coming to your senses, but now you're just angry and defensive, and I understandy why.
however, I made it really Really clear that I wasn't going to be a witness to your lemmer leap to demise, so how else did you expect me to respond when you wrote me today trying to persuade me again?
equally pissed but really sad too,

you know I can't fly out there for your surgery.
I love you, but, are you anywhere near aware of what's been going on w/ me lately?
I got most of my nerosis from YOU after all.
I know you're a little scared, and I'm a little bit too, but I really believe you are going to come through it just fine.
planning on sending you baclava or flowers to be waiting when you return home to recover,
youngest daughter
Dear Busties,
Thanks so much for your love, concern, hugs and get wells. I really missed you guys while I was recovering. Y'all are a light in in the dark world.
this is exactly why I said we didn't need to talk for awhile, bc I knew it would get ugly and here we are.
so.. bc I'm Not writing back to perpetuate things farther:
suit yourself.


you don't even remotely get it, do you? The rate you're going will have you single for the rest of your life. Do you even realize how completely lame your actions are?

from me

To me,

embroider, go to the beach alone, explore the city, take pictures, go out there and get more work and save your cash, stick up for yourself. You are quite the catch, as your best friend told you. Don't let someone tell you who you are, or define your worth. Don't let how one guy treats you be a testimony to your worth. Don't break down. You have started over many are practically a pro at this now. BUt this time, do it just for you and do it right. Nurture yourself. and get active.

lurv, me
Dear D.

To be honest, it just seems like you've forgotten the people you called friends all these years. I thought you and I were close. We never see you. Whenever you are invited to events you are busy. You used to bitch all the time that you didn't get calls which was crap cause no one gets calls because they are around enough to know when something is being planned. Since you've met B. you pretty much turned your back on all of us. You don't ask any of us to be in the wedding. We come to your shower and barely give us the time of day. We don't get invited to the bach party. Yet B. wants all the guys to come to his. You wait till the last minute to invite S. Then you call me for her number and practically hang up in my ear after you have it. All the while money is being forked out for you two and what is everyone getting in return? Barely a peep from either of you. I understand planning a wedding is a lot of work but you might want to treat your friends with a bit more respect. We've been looking forward to your wedding and can't wait to see you and B. tie the knot. I know how long you've been waiting for this day. I know I'm making a stressful time worse but it just seems like you don't give a shit and I'm certainly not the only one who feels this way. It's kinda messed up.





uh pugs.....i lurve you!
Dear _____ ,

I am glad to see you happy and even taller than you were, and I know this year ahead will be a good one. Saying that, as you know, we're doing more rules this year. We know you can do well at school: you're too bright not to. I understand the lazy, I was the same way when I was your age, but it is so worth making an effort now. Also, your dad won't yell at you this way. wink.gif

However... you are going to stop being such a slob, or at least confine it to your room. You are old enough to stop pretending to be all helpless in the kitchen, so cut it out 'cause we're not buying it. Also, in relation to your ever random, last minute visiting plans? Get these people to call your dad, and you need to stop blithely expecting him to pick you up anytime, anywhere.

When church lady comes to the house with or without her brood, you get to make them tea/coffee/milk. See above re. helplessness. They're your rellies, not mine (um, thank cod) so you look after them.

I get that you like being silly: we're pretty damn silly too. But telling anecdotes ad nauseum about TV shows or YouTube? Not conversation. You can tone down the singing too. Performing is not the same as talking to other people. You're good at theatre, so hopefully we can get you back into that, which should channel your need to sing and deliver monologues.

Finally, I like you, but you need to give me some space. If I go outside for a cigarette, that's an excellent sign that I want to be alone. Leave me to it. Anyway the smoke's bad for you.

That's it for now. Be good, see you soon. Me.

Dear Other Parent,

Yeah, thanks for dropping her off in the middle of a bank holiday weekend, with 3 days' notice. For someone so allegedly bright your flakiness is approaching moronitude. I know you're familiar with the phone and internet, so use them to communicate with your co-parent.

Also: we know from your whinging you have two small children at home. We get it. However, you have three kids overall, and you may want to start engaging more with your eldest before she writes you off completely. There's got to be a reason she arrives clingy and desperate to talk.

Another thing: I'm guessing the reason you can never get it together to buy her a bloody ryanair ticket until the last minute is because you married someone who has since wrested all financial control from you post-babies. Which: you married him, you didn't want to work and you consented to live in the middle of nowhere, despite the fact it made your child miserable, so you need not to whine about that shit.

Please get your shit together, if not for yourself do it for her. How any adult woman, especially a parent by choice, can be so clueless and selfish is beyond me.
Dear Pete
I'm sorry. I'm going to make these few months the happiest of your life if I can, I don't want you to suffer or be in pain or need anything. You'll have the perfect house, all the food you can eat, everything. Promise. You'll get to run outside every day, I'm going to grow you some herbs. I love you, and I don't want you to go yet
((mornington & pete))

dear m,

i'm an ass. i don't know why i brought up k. i know you don't want to hear about her, i do the same when i talk to her. i just love you both so much. to say you were pivotal in my life is like saying it's a long walk to the sun. it's a massive understatement. and yeah, i chose k, but that doesn't mean i loved you any less. i just had a commitment to her and if there is one thing that was important for me back then it was trying to have some integrity. but you are still one of the most infuential people, and you constantly inspire me. i'm glad you have your new boy, and you'll probably never want for anything ever, i'll miss you when you move, but do forgive me for all the ways i hurt you. i never mean to. you held me down when it really counted. i love you so very deeply. i always did. i always will. i'm sorry we never got the chance to see if we would work without the static. you don't know what a shit heel i will always feel like for that. your support was always unconditonal, instinctive, and unquestioning. i wish i could give you a little of what you gave me. i tell you what, i'm going to try to be a better friend before you go....if you'll let me.


dear god/dess:
i know how i got in this mess. but i need you to help me out of it. can we just get it all straight? please? fuck. thank you for all the great things that have happened in the last month +, things are just barely balancing out. but i need to be all the way in the other direction. i'm tired of being poor. getting laid off sucks. i hate not loving what i do, and i really hate feeling like i'm not even close to be using my potentual. honestly, this sucks. i am so freaking tired of having all my money go to E. with no end in sight. i want to travel. i want to move, i want to feel like i'm fucking alive again. instead i feel like i'm fucking dragging my ass thru life. really, if this is why i'm here, then what is the f'ing point? *sigh* it's not that i'm not greatful, i just need to feel that my life is worthwhile. and this-- this just isn't giving it to me. let the whole art show thing go well and lead to something better, but please, keep that trend of positive things going, please, but can we just smack that fucker out of the ball park in that direction, and have it never come back. cos really, i'm just too weary to deal with this shit again.

(((((((mornington)))))))) I'm sorry sweetie.

dear popat,

you are the fucking evilest of the evil. EVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL. There better be a big pay off for the amount of pain that I am in. Constantly. Boooooooooooooooooo.

Dear Hypnos or Somnus,

Greek or Roman, I don't care, but could one of you lure me to sleep already PLEASE?

A very tired (of being tired) bunny
Dear bon bon,

Thank you for forgiving me. I should been there in your time of need. You are and were the best possible person to me. Your heart is so giving and generous...and your light shines bright even at this distance. I wonder if we will ever reconnect in the future. I realize that you will be the one that I let getta way...cause I was a scared puppy filled with fantasies.


((mornington & pete)))

Dear J

You are a trolly selfish loser. You are a superior lame-ass.


(((((((((((((((mornington & petey)))))))))))))))))))) you know my heart & love go out to both of you sweetie's.. pm me if you need .

you are stronger than the sum of all of the past.
you survived it then and are still here are you not?
no more running away bc this is good, this is the right way to face it and not let it scare or hurt you anymore bc you're starting to realise that numbly "forgetting" isn't really any solution.
you don't have to be the scared little girl who could only try to run from him bc you know it was never your fault to begin with.
- do you remember the time when you went to the kitchen, grabbed a steak knife and made your stand?
you were bold, defiant and STRONG. that's who you became for all the women you've helped over the years.. for them there wasn't enough you could do.
isn't it time you became that woman once and for all for Yourself?
some losses are worth the risk, if you trully gain back yourself for your honest effort.
I'm pullin' for ya kid, and will be here every step of the way, even in the dark, holding your hand.
much much love,
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