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dear employees and shareholders and any other entity or persons associated with the monsanto corp.,

one day

you will


i hope it is by the very chemicals that your products are contaminated with. i hope it is by the very
diseases that those people from that small town in alabama are suffering from because you people poisoned them contaminating their homes with those fucking chemicals.

STOP genetically modifying seeds.

CHOKE on your own poisons!


Nelly that letter is awesome! It's funny because the university I went to has a monsanto office located on the campus (for reals) and someone defaced a university sign that says Monsanto Rules.

Dear HR people with WPS.

Please please please let me get all the way, I really really want this.


Dear Lounge,

What the fuck is up with the CONSTANT driver error, or you being down? are you running of of SAP now? The Shitty Ass Program, that everyone thinks is sooooooo great, but really sucks donkey balls?

dear you -

yes, I know. but I still miss your friendship. I'm gambling on the fact that if two people truly do have the regard for one another that I think we do deep down, that doesn't go away. And with time, the hurt and weirdness fades, and that regard brings the friendship back to the surface. So I'm doing my best to just be, and trust that we will be back in touch eventually and will work it out. It's happened over and over in my life. I have to trust that it will again. Right now I'm just trying to give it time and space. it's hard for me, but somewhere inside it feels like it's the right thing - and at this point, it's the only thing I can do.

please stop calling.
I'm really home much much more often than you think when you call, I'm just screening you.
I know this was only the 2nd call in as many weeks, but I really thought that after the x-mas debacle, you were hurt (bc I was mad & offended) enough to have had enough?
guess not.
you have some great qualities and early on we shared some stuff, but we're at such different places in our lives now & you're so damn LOUD, I just don't have it in me to continue the friendship.
I don't want the confrontation of "breaking up" with you, so just don't call anymore please mmmmm'kay?
futurely former friend

M: so glad you called finally!
maud I wish we lived closer but I most happily accept the phone calls & am crazi happy for your girl.
you'll raise her to be kick ass and wonderful like you & I am so deeply pleased to get to be a part of that raising, even if it's from a distance. you're really like my only True Feminist Friend & little A will be the what- 4th Wave of it? ( you & I are 2nd,frecklette is the 3rd .. ?)
still looking for a big enough box for all the presents I bought for A's arrival ( & still shopping too tongue.gif )
Stop. Calling.
so over you & getting annoyed now.

future ex-neighbor:
whatever it is, I don't care anymore.
take your wa wa wa's to whatever religious sect or cult you frequent.
joyfully counting down the days till you vacate now,
2 story next door

stop being such a bitch ey?
hey mom,

got the card you sent today. and the package is still at the post office. part of me wants to send them back crossing out the "carlos" part of it. i'd bet you can't even remember my name anymore. ha.

s'not like you ever bothered to learn it. hell, i'd bet you never said it once. when i told you what i'd changed my name to, i doubt you even listened. so like you, pretend the problem doesn't exist. what did you tell car? oh, your brother's into "weird stuff." lol... i guess i can be sure you don't talk behind my back.

part of me honestly wants to hurt you. part of me wants to ignore your up coming birthday. more than likely i will. why should i give you the time of day, when you never bothered to listen, you never bothered to know me. you wanted your son back, and you know, i couldn't blame you for that, but after the first 7 years i waited for you to figure out he wasn't coming back, i just felt-- feel like, fuck you. seriously. it didn't help that you bullshitted me. saying you'd come to visit me, but putting the date off for 3 mos, while i waited. and like before i just held on like a sucker. the last year or two that i've stopped talking to you have been hard, but it's been easily one of the best decisions i've ever made. i needed to cut that cord, and i'm getting my electrolysis finished, and by this time next year i'll have gotten a boob job. then maybe i'll talk to you. once carlos is gone forever. i don't know why i waited so long for you to take your head out of your ass.

no, that's not true. i know why i waited. because i loved you, because i thought you were better than you are. because i wanted to maintain a relationship with you.

you know if i have one real regret, it would be that i wasted so much time on you. not just that 7 years after i transitioned, but all that time in highschool. after university. i wanted your approval for so many things. i was such a fool to think you could handle this. i think i'll open your letter, but i'm still not talking to you. not till next year.

then i'll call you, and say,
hey mom, your very own son's never coming back. and if he did he'd say one thing to you.
Dear Dr. N,

You rock and are the nicest doc I've ever met and I know I'm in great hands. But, I am terrified of going under anesthesia and of the pain afterwards, so please take good care of me.

Dear hospital staff,

I know it's not a major, it's not as if I'm having heart surgery, but please, please be nice to me. I am scared shitless and a big baby, so please be kind.

Dear you,

You know, don't bother. I am up to my ears here with all kinds of work stuff competing for my attention. Flaky people were never favourites of mine and following our last botched meetup I don't particularly see why I should make an exception for you.

You're a great guy in many ways, but I strongly suspect ultimately everything must always be on your terms. I'm thinking innocuous; if you're not it's just as well you're not getting in touch.

Later, Me

Dear forces that be,

Please deliver what I need. I am aware of my position and am taking nothing for granted. You don't need me to learn a lesson.

Thanks for listening, Me
dear job goddess,

please let her call soon and make the offer a good one. don't have her low-ball me because i've shown a lot of interest, which they easily could read as desperation. the better the offer, the easier it will be for me to put 'roo in daycare. i need to work but it's only about the money, so if i accept the offer, can you make the job NOT suck??

and when she does call, please give me some presence of mind so i can speak like a professional. it's early still and i have only had a half a cup of coffee so far...


dear people i work with, coworkers and members:

i love you, but i can't make updates on the web if you don't tell me things need updating. not psychic.


Dear Crazypants,

Are you RETARDED? Seriously. I have told you EXACTLY what you need to know to reach endgame. But YOU WON'T DO IT! You just keep bashing your head into the wall while I stand by impatiently tapping my foot waiting for you to get over it.

Dear coworker,

You think you are so funny, but being funny and not real with your client is what got your ass cursed out yesterday. It was perfect timing. There you were, not answering any questions directly, not talking straight with me, being childish, and acting like a clown - talking weird shit waiting for your client to come back. I sat there wishing you would go back to your office. When he did come back, he was pissed at you for making him wait and sending him away in the first place, and then you got cursed the f--- out! No, I did not try to step in because I was mesmerized by the train wreck. Where did your witty humor go? Straight out the fucking window, heh? I am tired of the weird shit that comes out of your mouth, and on monday, young man, we are going to have a chat about it!

dear jealous boy,

you know, i am allowed to do things that do not include you now and then! you had already made plans, that did not include me i might add, so i made other plans! you don't like that group of my friends, and the last time we tried to include you in that group you were uncomfortable and left early anyway! so why are you pitching a fit? that i dared to go and have fun??? is it because you don't like those people so i shouldn't either? is it because you didn't have much fun on your evening out? is that what it is? i'm sorry if you didn't get laid last night, that's not my fault! guess what? i didn't either! ugh. i can't believe i'm wasting time and energy on all this drama. i love you so much but you give me way too much emotional shit to wade thru. i have soooo much else going on in my life right now, i can't handle a 35 year old man having a tantrum cuz i hurt his feelings. honestly. i love you to death, but i can't handle this shit.

love always,

dear husband,

i don't know how you put up with me, but i'm sure as hell glad you do! anybody else would have buried my body in the back yard by now, including the above mentioned person! no matter how much he thinks we are destined to be together! i love you so much. sometimes i love our unconventional family but there are times i wish it was just you and me and the kids and we could just pack up and move somewhere far, far away. i love all the people in our family, but sometimes i wish we'd never started this b/c i start feeling smothered. oh well. there's too many hearts involved right now, and, realistically, i don't want to uninvolve them, i just wish that we were all like you! your lack of jealously and generous accepting nature just blows my mind sometimes.

love you forever,
QUOTE(MsYuefie @ May 7 2008, 11:46 AM) *
Dear Dr. N,

You rock and are the nicest doc I've ever met and I know I'm in great hands. But, I am terrified of going under anesthesia and of the pain afterwards, so please take good care of me.
Dear hospital staff,

I know it's not a major, it's not as if I'm having heart surgery, but please, please be nice to me. I am scared shitless and a big baby, so please be kind.

I was in the exact same situation 6 months ago. Except, I was even more scared, so here's my experience in hindsight:

1.) You're not a baby, everyone is scared, that's why they give you tranquilizers before the OP.
2.) Anesthesia = BEST. THING. EVER. Imagine what it would be like without it! blink.gif
3.) The painkillers, they instantly give you after the OP, work within seconds.
4.) Hospital staff are unbelievably nice and patient, I'm still amazed just how nice they were!
5.) It does suck, but only because you'll be stoned and hungry, the scar is itching, you'll be dying for a shower, and you'll be a bit bored, having to watch TV all day, being too groggy to read... It's a bit like Woodstock, without the music. laugh.gif

Yes, I'm silly, but afterwards, you'll laugh at it, too. Promise. smile.gif

mom: not calling you tomorrow.
you got the card(s) and that's mainly bc I had already bought them before our last conversation but hopefully you picked up on me only signing my name & no 'love' before it ?
that you haven't called this past week when I didn't shows me you are mad too - Good!
you have no freakin' idea what's going on here right now- shit- I don't think I've ever been this scared about anything ever in my life before now and I'm shutting you out on purpose bc at this point, you're not Worthy of knowing.
if you were thinking I'd let you know if we learned anything else really serious, you're wrong.
happy freakin' mother's day,
youngest daughter

self: stop. freaking. out.
stop jumping to terrible conclusions.
stop falling apart on the mr bc that's the last thing he needs, and start being the strong woman he fell in love with so he can let down his guard to lean on you for a change.
also, go easier on frecklette please. she's a good girl, you know this, she also needs you to keep it together instead of looking at her & crying at the awful pictures of possibilities playing non-stop in your head.
you have such a Wonderful familie- stop mourning that and start celebrating the gift of it.
no more ass-backwards thinking & I really mean it~
gentle hugs,

(((((((yuefie)))))))) it's ok to be scared but you're going to come through it fine. (((((yeufie)))))
Dear Dr. N,

I can't believe you called me yourself, on a weekend no less! I was so confused when you said it was you that I was tongue tied for a moment. Thanks so much for calling me the biopsy results as soon as you got them back. YAY for no cancer and nothing abnormal! Of all the doctors I've dealt with over the years for mom & dad and everyone else, you are by far the most warm, caring, and competent. Hell, you exceed competence, I'm not even sure what to call it, except that it's apparent that you truly give a damn about your patients in a way most don't seem to anymore. I wish all doctors were like you.

Dear hospital staff,

You were all so kind and helpful. Thanks especially to the nurses in the recovery room with the warm blankets and pain/anti-nausea drugs!

Pherber, your post cracked me up. You were absolutely right, everything was fine and I am so thankful I was asleep for the surgery. The worst part has definitely been the pain and boredom of recovery.

Freckle, you're such a doll. Hope you had a fantastic mother's day, sweet pea.

(((((((BUSTies)))))))) 'cause you all rock.
that's fantastic!!!! I am so totally trully Happy & Glad for you!!
((((((((((Ms Yuefster)))))))))))

Life/Powers that be:
thankyou for the phemoninal gift of my wonderful familie.
frecklette has such an amazing kind heart and sweet soul, I See Her and she takes my breath away with awe at this young woman she is becoming more and more.
and the mr, so often knowing more what's really better for me than I will admit (calling my mother yesterday anyway, even if I was still mad at her, knowing I'd be sorry if I didn't) and the crazi deep way he really loves me, bumps, warts and all.
please let our familie come through this intact ? give us what we need to be ok bc I can't imagine life any differently and selfishly I don't want to.
my heart is full and content finally; whatever you want in exchange is yours, just let us all be ok.
Yuef, that is GREAT news!!!

and the avi

Back to letters!
Wait, not yet! tongue.gif

Yuefie, I had no idea, it was for a biopsy! *gasps*
I'm sooo happy for you, not having cancer!
yay for yuefie!!!!!
Dear Self,

Do you even know what you want anymore? There is a lot out there for you to explore, you have nothing but time. you'll find your passion.

Dear culture,
That is what I've been telling myself the past few weeks. Still doesn't make me less anxious.

Dear self,
No, you do not need matching luggage right now. You can't afford it, no matter how cute and practical it would be, and it will be there when you get some extra money.

Also, stop crushing on your coworker. Or at least try to get over it as fast as possible, before you find yourself doing something stupid involving beer, love songs and god knows what else (let's see, roses? Drunken ramblings about historical figures?).

Dear job gods,
Thank you. wink.gif Hopefully moving 2000 miles is worth it.

You are a complete, heartless ass. Everybody deserves ONE chance.

Disappointed in you,

dear girl in front of me in line at the spa,

i'm really, really sorry about this but i think you may have paid for my butt sad.gif

i went in for a bikini wax, and explained to the aesthetician that i also wanted some stray hairs on my cheeks gone. she told me that was more expensive, which i was fine with. the procedure was carried out; the hairs were removed. i went to pay, but you were already at the register. i heard you say "but isn't the custom bikini only $39?" to the girl at the desk, to which she replied "yes but i was told you also had the outside tushy" (SEE, this is why i always have to explain to them once i get there what i want. who can bring themselves to say "tushy" over the phone? or anywhere, for that matter!?). i was about to pipe up "oh, no, i think that was me" but a: how embarassing! and b: you didn't correct her. i figured perhaps you had the same issue as i did and wasn't about to embarrass us both, so i kept my mouth shut.

when it was my turn, i only got charged for the bikini wax. nothing about the "tushy" was mentioned.

dear girl, i am really really sorry. i'm sorry you had to pay for me to get hairs removed from my butt. i hope that karma duly reports back to you someday soon, but until then, you have my heartfelt apology and thanks.

double post
Dear you,
You are the door in my past that I will not reopen. It's better this way, at least for me. I've made peace with it all, and I sleep peacefully at night with hardly a thought of what was or could have been. I have a great life now. A wonderful, loving, supportive husband, beautiful kids, a nice home,decent job, everything I was looking for back then. I understand you better now. Hindsight being 20/20 and all. I've recently discovered some things that makes a few of the quirkier parts of your personality make sense. And you were with me in spirit during the discovery even if you were thousands of miles away.

And I still can't shake you right now. It seems wrong to not share with you the outcome that has culminated over the last 4 years. It's because of you, your encouragement that I now have the courage to do it. This means so much to me. To reclaim the parts of me that were lost, to permanaently shut some doors to the past. And I keep looking back at your door. And I know I can not open it. So let me just say, "Thank you!"

Dear M.

Well, I tried. You are a grown man who is evidently very spineless. You are a pathetic human being who punishes people and doesn't tell them. With that said, you need to grow up and when someone has an issue, let them know. This is ultimately your loss. While I was upset for about 15 seconds, I am no longer. The way you treat me and the way you emotionally mind fuck me is reminiscant of my ex. Who I fuck is my business, I would never get involved with someone like you, ever. Give it up.

While things ended on a sour note, that's fine. I took the high road, you cannot and if I run into you and you try to make amends, I will not, based purely on how you dealt with this. Sure I'll be irked by your behaviour for a bit, but there is more to me than drinking and staying out all night. Better watch your health all that drinking and be so overweight isn't good for you. There is a reason your brother doesn't talk to you anymore and your mother wants you out of the house. Perhaps you should start analyzing yourself instead of everyone else. Did you notice what the mutual connection of all this is? It's you. You are the constant you are the one who is causation, your behaviour is.

I won't be seeing you around.

Dear boy,
we were so young, so very young and if I never get to tell you. I did really love you very much. You are a part of my past that at times has haunted me, there was some meaness, so much sadness which came from our ignorance. I remember climbing into your bed, the bus ride the walk from the bus stop to your apartment, the beach, the sex, fireworks, phone calls, hickeys. and now here we are all grown up. there will always be a place in my heart for you. are you remembering too?
Dear P,

Thank you for ensuring that I was doing well last night. You.fucking.rocked.

(Edited, because, whoops! Did I say that out loud? And not in therapy? Whoops.)
Dear new neighbor/s,

You look like a couple of harpie shrews. I only think this because I *heard* the younger lady SCREAM at her mother psychotically on the lawn. Several times. A box is a box is a box, bitch. And those shorts are a serious crime of fashion. You're way too old for booty shorts & tanks with no bra. Plus, you parked in my parking space. I don't want to have to leave a flaming bag of poo on your porch. We shall see.

hi girlbomb!

dear hillary, bill, et. al:

fuck off. i've had a gut full of you and your asshole, racist, dumbshit, delusional supporters. i'm tired of you moving the goal posts everytime you lose another metric. i'm tired of you using your sex as a weapon. really? how fucking feminist is it that 1) you ride on your hubby's coat tails, 2) that you tell your supporters that they ought to vote for you, simply on the basis of your sex, 3)that you use 'the sex card' at every opportunity, 4)that while you say you want to be treated equally, you trade on not being treated equally, 5)that while you grouse about the disadvatage of gender you actively encourage the racism of your followers.

and that last bit is the thing that pisses me off most of all. in truth, i keep wanting to like you, honestly i do, but when you fail to distance yourself from your surrogate's outrageous comments-- something you demanded of your rivals-- you make yourself a hypocrite. but then, i suppose it matters little that you are a hypocrite when you wallow in your supporter's racism, and count that as some sort of fucked up virtue.

does that not bother you? have you no soul? i wonder that you can sleep at night. you make my skin crawl. how can you not see the damage you do perpetuating that hate? are you in league with huckabee with his assasination comment? is that the next thing you'll promote in your want to run the country? is there nothing you wouldn't stoop to? perhaps you don't realise the fire you are playing with. that is understandable-- i had forgotten that this country houses people who's hate runs so deep the idea of shooting a good man with a bullet, having no other reason but the color of his skin would be something they'd dream of. and while you are certainly reviled in some quarters, there would not be talk of you getting killed for being too uppity, but since i've been a kid i've always heard that that would be the fate of any black man who dar4ed to do what obama is doing. yet, you fan their flames of these racists, you justify and condone their blind hate and the violence that will follow it.

as i said it's easy to over look the courage and faith that obama has. he is litterally betting his life that this country is better than it is, and you push for it not to be. if, as it has been said, obama encourages this country's better angels, you cheer it's worse demons. i hope it's worth it. i am ashamed you are in my party. when and if that violence happens, that blood on your hands.
dear fucking co-irker-

we've got the same first name, and that makes it convenient for you when production calls on the radio. you think if you ignore it for long enough, i'll answer the call for you, either out of exasperation, or because i'm distracted enough by my own work to think they might be calling me.

news flash bitch: i've been working here long enough to recognize who's calling and what department they're calling from, and i know damn well when someone's calling from a department that you are supposed to be covering, just as you do. hell, you should know better than me because you've been here longer!

you think you're the only one that has a ton of shit going on, the only one who's watching the clock saying "just five more minutes to break", the only one that would be fucking inconvenienced by answering that call from production? well, you're fucking not, and i'm tired of covering for your ass, and tired of being asked by our boss why i didn't answer a call, because he's new enough that the only thing he recognizes over the radio in his office is our name and the fact that no one's answering.

so i had a little chat with him today, and you can bet that i ratted your lazy, conniving ass out! i cover the same number of departments and extra tasks that you do by myself every day, and you don't hear me whining and bitching that i can't do it all and need extra help. cowboy the fuck up! i already give you what help i can in the lab, at the expense of my own checks and tasks sometimes. for you to expect me to handle this on top of that just so you can pad your break with an extra ten minutes for another smoke or a chat with your friends, is just fucking selfish and shitty and plain unfuckingprofessional.

bossman said he was going to have a chat with you today, and bring up the issue in the meeting tomorrow. i hope he ream/s/ed your ass but good!

x-posted in work sucks
You dumped him three years ago. He's mine now. I know you guys are still friends, and since my ex is my best friend, I have no place to complain. But jeebus girl, stop being a cunt. No more trotting out in-jokes in front of me, just to show me that you two share something that we don't. No more dangling presents from him in front of me. No more wedging your body in between the two of us and turning your fucking back to me.

Except for the cunt-ness, you seem like a perfectly nice person. If not for this issue, we could probably be friends. But now you're single again, and back in town. Do you just want to mess with him to see if you can get him to do something he shouldn't? What the fuckety fuck?

I am so insecure already about you. You're artistic, he's artistic, I'm a scientist. You're athletic, he's athletic, I bake cookies. You're thinner than me, and when I'm really stressing out, I think you're prettier too. But gah! I hate that I'm even thinking about these things.

I am a phenomenally jealous person. You know this. But you don't know that my normal response to jealously is to cheat. I'm trying not to, but your stupid ex is making me feel like calling up CJ, or even R. Or just having a mindless fuck with some stranger while you're out of town next week.

I will live if you leave me for B. And I'll be stronger. I don't think you will - I really do trust you. But I don't trust her. Here's the thing: I don't want to be with somebody who is even thinking of cheating on me. If you have feelings for her, I would like it to end between us instantly. Not fair, of course, as I get an overwhelming crush every other month.

I'm sorry that I've been so horrible about B lately. I don't know how to act any differently. I don't trust anybody.
Dear AP,

How the fuck do you do it? Huh? What is it about you that attracts psychos? If there is one completely damaged person in a room of forty, that's who you're gonna knock back drinks with. I know you're a fuckwit, but come on!

I know she *seemed* nice. She did. But as of right now, that bitch officially doesn't know karate, but she knows KA-RAZY! Yes, she do!

I know you feel bad about leaving a grip of kids in the hands of an insane drunk woman. But there's no way you could have been there a minute more. She's not your responsibility.


You're jealous!! Stop trying to drag me dow! Stop making remarks about how i look since they are by no means kind! Stop talking shit about others so you get to feel better. This is all quite sick you know that? You've said some very hurtful things in the past and i always let it go because you haven't had it easy in life. know what? I have had to make some tough decisions of my own, and so did others. If you let your life slide by without making choices, without so much as some ambition, fine. In a way, that's a choice too. But stop holding stuff over my head, stuff from long long ago. I've changed. It can be done. Just because we've known eachother for 16 years does not make us best friends. Hell, it doesn't even make us friends!
I see you once a year at best. And you're trying to poach my friends on online friend-sites.

Stop the passive aggressive bullshit that makes me look bad when i call you on it.

I'll probably say all these things i've written above. I'll prolly be more subtle 'cos everyone deserves a chance, although my tank regarding you is running on empty.

Oh, one more thing; just because i'm single now doesn't mean you'll get a shot. No way.
Lady Selena
Strange man-

How in the world do you know where I live? You show up at me door when I am not home and ask for me by my nickname. It is almost a good thing my MIL doesn't remember it. Now I am am very curious who you are and how you know me. Cause you asked my MIL you aren't .... are you? So its not like you know what I look like please be a nice person from my childhood and not...

Creepy and strange!
Dear S,

You aren't my only friend at work, yah I get that things are stressful for you right now, but again, other people are going through crap. Get over it, I'm not going to hang out with you all the time. Bite me. I don't even like hanging out with you that much anymore, I have nothing to say to you. When I partied, that was fine, but now, I'm bored with things. I'm not watching your dogs again, take them to a kennel, you expect me to drop my commitments and expectations so you can go off and forget yours? Fuck that noise. Get someone else, after the last time, I'm not doing it again. There will be something going on all.the.time.

happy birthday mom.

thanks for the b-day check. i wish i could tell you something that would make your day a good one but i'm not there. i feel like i worked for years for you to accept me, but you couldn't.

someone said that you find out who your friends are, not in the easy times, but when things are rough. when things were rough, you let me down. you kept on with this idea that it was satan or whatever, and prayed that i'd go back to how i was. honestly that's the worst thing that you could get. as it now stands, in a couple of years i might be up to talking to you again, provied you accept me for me. but if i ever did go back to being a boy, i don't think i could ever forgive you for not standing by me when i needed you most.



dear gt,

it's ok, mama. really. just hold fast. take your time for this decision. i know you feel like you've been thru a meat grinder. i i know you feel like you are suffocating, and i know this is eating you up, and your head is in a very bad place, but take care. maybe the last 10+ years were just a fuck up. maybe all the people and things that you've given up or lost, and all this shit you've been thru was all just horseshit. but is now the time to give up? i'm not saying it isn't, perhaps being a woman is that promised land you don't get to reach. or maybe it is. a year and a half more of electrolysis, and probably more for the rest of your face. it's a lot of time, a lot of money, but maybe in four years time you won't think of all the fucking years you've pissed away getting this shit done. or if you do become a boy again, it'll all just be a dim memory and you won't care then either.

but don't be afraid to look at your options square in the face.

3 years of E down and 3 more to go? fuck that. i've never heard of needing 6 years of electrolysis. never. and when S. said her other client was on year four, you were quick to point out she was done with her face on year 2. now she's getting the rest of her body done. but you, no you are still in first gear, hell, you're in neutral. maybe it's time to pull the plug on this shit. maybe it just isn't meant to be. this is the second most difficult choice of your life, the first brought you to this point, so choose wisely.

whatever you choose, do your crying, but never look back. never ever look back.

ditto what rudderless said.
you are amazing.
you are strong.
you are resilient.
just as you are
whoever you are.

one of my spiritual life mantras has always been
~ the divine is within~
gt, it's in you. part of you, guiding you, maybe not in such obvious ways, but still shedding little beacons here and there if you still your mind and listen. ( & I don't mean 'divine' in the obvious Christianity generic right wing bullshit crap either sweet pea)

whatever path you are on, know that it leads you to where you are meant to be eventually; sometimes getting or feeling lost is part of unraveling the knot.

peace & hugs sugar,

Dear Boys,

Please take time to find out what my interests are before inviting me on dates to do things which I absolutely despise. I want to like you - all of you, one of you, whatever- and am trying, desperately, to get over Ex, but all my interactions with all of you are doing is to make me long for Him.

Get a clue. Until then, don't expect me to answer your calls and messages. You seem nice enough, but I get the feeling you are not paying attention...

Oh yeah, and sorry if this harsh, but I have recently raised my standards and no longer accept "sub-par."

Later (maybe),

To the one I love ... (again) ...

I wrote a letter here, a while ago. And when I wrote it, things seemed bleak. Now, they seem ... i'm not sure how they seem. One moment they seem utterly hopeless, and the next I see a bit of light coming through the dark clouds of despair that seem to cover the infinite horizon of our relationship. But I'm not giving up on you. I do love you, and I'll continue to wait until there's nothing left to wait for. And while you're not hearing me when I say that, and I know that you're not reading this either ... perhaps giving voice to it will give strength to the words.

Or at least strength to me.

((to all of you))
You, my dear, are an insufferable, self obsessed know it all pseudo-philosopher
Rather than go with the flow you
And contemplate
And eradicate this flow of which I speak of
And decide that it’s not worth “flowing with”
“There are just too many factors to be considered.”
And that “There is no actual tangible evidence that even suggests that this flow exists in the first place”

So you leave me here to read your mind. To come up with assumptions and lies to conclude that it is NOT okay for me to feel this way about you and her.

I have become the unwanted
Variable in this equation you could not solve.
But you hate math, you were never really good.
So you refuse to accept that the answer was one me with no one to care that I’ve moved on
And three of us so I knew from the very start that danger you were not but in love you were, not with me but with her.
So here consider this “Explain how Akua was hurt by this turn of events. Was her reaction justified? Feel free to include quotes and the use of literary devices to support your answer.”

Be as hurtful as you like
Because in all actuality
I am not so much as disappointed in you
As I am in myself

In love I was not but
When it comes down to everything
You took a part of me, cause I gave it to you
And you had no clue as to what to do with it
But I consciously surrendered
So I am also to blame.

I am angry and afraid
Not at the fact that this happened to me but
At you for being the friend that hurt me so much to the point that the mere mention of your name enraged me
I was once bitten and now shy that even the thought of confiding in you or just looking at you angers me to the point of ridiculousness.

I am vexed and perplexed by your apathetic manner.
This is no time for your whatever attitude.

And its all sad that you understand the unfairness of this situation
And its even sadder cause I understood the unfairness of this situation

So what happens after this, I don’t know
Yet I want to say, I’ll just go with the flow
But this flow was what led me to this.
So perhaps you were correct in not wanting to ride it with me.

Dear intake social worker,

When a report of child abuse has been made, please do something. It is not my job to investigate and find "proof", that is your job and I don't have the training or skills to do that. Instead of handing off your duties, please take this report f***ing seriously as this is some kids life you're dealing with, and I think you've forgotten that. Now, please, do your job, and keep this child safe!

dear you -

I had a great time tonight. A really nice time. I kinda felt like I was not quite speaking my truth at that one point, and I really wish I had been more succinct. I feel like I was still saying a little bit of what I thought you wanted to hear, mixed in with what I do feel. and haha - jokes on me, your whole outlook on the situation has changed. I mean, not that it makes any difference, because I think your outlook has changed because of an entirely different reason, which is even more reason for me to just be 100% me, without any trace of motive. Lesson to me. I hope I didn't misrepresent myself.

anyway - I came away from that saying "wow, what a nice time." thank you.


dear zoya -

you definitely just learned something from that. 1) be yourself always 2) the universe works shit out - stop trying to control it.

Just enjoy it for what it is. and remember to keep it what it is.

dearest little bitty,

stay put! your mama and daddy love you. and you hit the big brother jackpot like a mofo.

your host
Dear leg muscles,
Please stop hurting, I have to work on Wednesday.

Dear sleep,

I give up. Come whenever you feel like, I'll just drink a lot of coffee tomorrow.


Dear self,

Calm down, things will work out for the best.


Dear AZ Guy,

Geez, you think you could be a little more indecisive? I thought you wanted to come up here, but now you don't, so make up your mind soon. I need to make the arrangements.



can i have a couple of months without the shit hitting the fan? please? constant shit storms are really starting to get to me. i'd ask for just one day w/o something happening, but i wanna while to breathe. i need to get my pockets right, and my head straight, and now when i am making a tiny bit more money my teeth are fucked up and i am having constant severe sinus headaches. can i just rest for a bit? please? you know things are fucked up, just a rest. no, car bills, no car towings, no tickets, no car theft, no car break ins, no house break ins, no irs bills, no E problems, no fucked up friends, no friend drama, no family drama, no pet illnesses, no personal illnesses, none of my shit getting fucked up, no job problems, no apartment problems, no health/dental problems, no money problems-- just a rest. all of these things are just getting to be torture. i just need a break, k? please?

thank you so very much,
QUOTE(girltrouble @ Jun 2 2008, 11:55 PM) *

can i have a couple of months without the shit hitting the fan? please? constant shit storms are really starting to get to me. i'd ask for just one day w/o something happening, but i wanna while to breathe. (...)

thank you so very much,


And here's hoping that Starshine's social worker got off her butt and did her job protecting the kid! (((crossing fingers)))

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