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dear goddess/universe/whatever

thank you for the music

Dear D,

Thank you for being honest with me in helping me out with this vehicle sale.


Dear car people and universe,

Please Please PLEASE let me get this car tomorrow. It's well within my budget, it's only $150.00 bi weekly, I can afford this. Please please PLEASE! I'll be ever so greatful.


Dear PR,

YAY we're getting together tomorrow!!!! Thank you!

thankyou from the deepest parts of my heart, for telling me that in a thousand years I could never be a step-ford wife; that I'm totally too non-conformist dancing to my own drummer.
lately I have felt myself slipping into an incline of 'it's easier to be like them than to go against' and it was exactly what I needed to hear.
you trully are a great friend
fondly flipping the finger to The Establishment ~

R: what a wonderful suprise!
I wish you didn't work so much or there was something I could do to ease your financial situation, bc you of all people deserve a break. you make me appreciate my life and even sometimes guilty for all that I have, but in a good, soul-searching, refocusing way.
today makes it official? we're not just kindred daughter's mom's but Friends?
I am glad.

keep it coming please.
Why hello,

What am I, chopped liver?

Your Girlfriend
Dear AZ Guy,
Even after all the talking we did this weekend, even after breaking the news to your parents and the rest of your family, even after coming to the conclusion that we can pull this off and raise a kid, I'm still worried we're making the wrong decision.

Maybe this will go away in a few months, maybe it will go away in a few years, but good lord, what the freak are we doing? I want a kid too, and yes, this is just as good a time as any for the next twenty years (degrees, work, etc. will always get in the way), but sheesh, are we both ready to grow up and devote our lives to this? I know we said we were, and we're both people who can do amazing things with very little, and we can build a life around this that includes both our goals (I hope) but I still feel a little weird about this.

I can't believe we made your mom cry, yet that is still a better reaction than what I'm going to get from my mom, she will be pissed.


Dear PR,

What the hell is going on? my dear, I'm confused. I don't know what to think. It's not even the sex bit, I can live with that. I'm just all feeling silly inside, and I don't know if this is lust or what. I'd either like it to go away or have it go somewhere. Go away would be a better option as we've been friends for a long time and I don't want to loose that.

Le Sigh.

I did have an amazing time on Saturday evening though. Thank you!

Your friend,

What's going on? I fully admit that I'm paranoid and all of this could well exist only in my head. But did you change while I was gone? Please let us be ok. Will the nookie tonight make it all better?

I might have made a mistake. But fuck it. I'd give up T, my job, whatever, to make you happy. Not that you'd ever ask me to do anything like that. But if it were one of those bizarre aliens-attacking-the-earth-who-do-you-save situations, I'd totally have your back. You know what I mean. You rock.
Millie Cat,

Do not EVER run away again, you understand? You scared the shit out of me and made me cry so much that I almost threw up. Sheff even left work 3 hours early just to come home & look for you. Now he'll have to work late to make up for it. And that's not fun!

Next time you feel tempted to bolt out the door, remember where you are fed and where you sleep and where you are loved and cuddled: INSIDE the house. Not outside, but INSIDE.

Much love,
Your new mommy
Dear CRA,

Please, when I call, help me out here so I can figure out what the deal is with my income tax return! please??????

dear universe,

i would like some sex and some willpower. please deliver at earliest convenience.

ETA: I AM AN ASSHOLE! A SUPREME ASSHOLE! I have been so frustrated about the creepy guys in the past few months since I've been back. I bit back inappropriately. I apologize.

ETA: I shouldn't have sent this. Who the fuck am I? The Bust police?
AP- if it's who I think it is, thank you. I would love to have a moderator to serve as Bust Police, but since we don't, I really appreciate when somebody calls out stuff that isn't appropriate here. I feel safe in the Lounge, and I'd like to keep it that way.

I miss you. If I come after you, will you run away like I did? This is so stupid. You live ten blocks away, but we haven't seen each other in a month.

Great to hear what's up with you. Did you notice that you haven't asked a single member of your family how THEY are doing in over a year? I sometimes forget that I have an older brother. I know you must have some serious demons in your head, otherwise you wouldn't be acting like such an asshat. But that doesn't make it ok. The rest of us have gotten help to fix our brains, which makes it seem like you're the only one in the family who thinks his shit doesn't stink.

you're NOT an asshole. I read what you posted before, and I like it. How he started off in here was completely inappropirate. Just because I said what I did in the frustration thread doesn't mean I want an open invite to some douchebag on the internet to tell me he'd gladly do that. Your analogy about the same thing happening at the bar was completely true.


Dear Boy,

WTF is going on??? I would rip your face off if you were in front of me!

dear d,
ease up on me, ok? stop being so paranoid.
love always,

dear j,
what a freakin awesome night, eh?
My dearest W...

Thank you for reading my thoughts. Anyway, I'll always be here.

Dear L -

When we all met at the bar that night I got really drunk and I suspect I said some things about A that were really inappropriate. I apologise for saying those things. I know you're close friends with him and I think you realize how I feel about him, but that doesn't give me the right - drunk or not - to shoot off my mouth and say wildly inappropriate stuff.

I don't know if I'll ever actually get to say the above to you, but I do hope that someday we can meet up. I really thought you were cool and could potentially be a friend. I know you said we should meet up, but I haven't called you because I'm really embarassed about my behaviour that night and I figured I'd let you ring me. But since you haven't, I'm thinking that I overstepped my bounds more than I thought I did and once you sobered up, you were like 'uh, no.'

I really misrepresented myself that night and I'm mortified. That's not me. It seemed like you guys really were glad to see me / meet me, and I feel I just came off as exactly the opposite of the woman I am. I have so much more class than that. I really hope there is some way for me to show you all that.


Dear A -

I don't know what to say. There's nothing I can say. I'm certain you know about it all, you must. You've not said hello or dropped me a line since that night, and on the two occasions I've said hi you've been very distant and kept it short. I haven't even mentioned that I met your friends because, well, I'm pretty embarassed about the whole situation. I hope you know that is not the real me, but I didn't prove much otherwise i suppose..

Miss Deena
Damn it to hell and back again. I know I am bitchy sometimes but that doesn't mean I don't care! If only you could rip open me chest and see my heart you would know how I feel and all would be well. Ah well such is my life and I am destined to be misunderstood.
Dear PR Boy,

I'm stepping back from our friendship for a while. I cannot and will not be hurt again. I cannot tell you how I feel, I am afraid. I know that you think of me as the person who will fight, but when it comes to my feelings, it's a flight response.

I am sorry.


Dear Sashie,

I miss you so much already, mama's little attention hog dog. I really didn't believe that yesterday was going to be our last day together, but I am so glad I got to spend it almost entirely paying attention to you. I know you were tired and extremely sick and were only putting on a brave face for our sake. Dr. Singh says he's never seen a doggie at such an advanced stage still able to function the way you did. But I know you were ready to go and that Grandma and Dakota were waiting on the other side for you. Please give Gramma kissy-kissy's for mama. I'm so sorry I didn't recognize how sick you were sooner, my poor baby. I'm so glad you were able to eat and walk and everything up until your very last day, but I am sorry you had to suffer at all, even for a moment. I didn't mean to be selfish in making you wait those days for the test results when I knew in my gut what they would say. But I couldn't bear putting you to sleep without knowing for absolute certain that you truly were that sick and dying. I'm sorry for all the times I snapped at you when you were under my feet in the past few weeks, I was just afraid of stepping on you and hurting you. I'm sorry I made you eat that yucky holistic crap when all you really wanted was bowl of the kitty's food or whatever we had. I'm so glad you got to ride on my lap with your head out the window, ears flapping in the breeze, sniffing up all that ocean air while we sang "Ride, Sashie, Ride" to you. I will never be able to hear "Mustang Sally" without thinking of you, my silly girl. I'm also glad that you were able to enjoy a few of your favorite treats and that you finally managed to con your Auntie out of that fluffy rug after fighting her for it all this time. And I am so glad you got to lay on it while you said goodbye to us. The best part though is that you finally got to eat a piece of that chocolate you would have killed yourself for, mama's little pig-dog. I know you are up in the stars and I will always be looking for you.


Dear You,

I love you from the bottom of my heart, BUT, please shut the fuck up. Really. I don't want to hear another story about the travel arrangements or the latest gossip. I just can't and won't give a fuck right now. I mean, really, I can't. I know you are sad too and that it's your way of coping. But please, don't change the subject to one of your friends every fucking time you ask me what's going on with me and I bring up the subject you want to avoid. If you don't want to think or talk about it, that's fine, but lay off the 18 phone calls a day rolleyes.gif . I need this time to be sad, which means I can't feign interest in any of the same goddamned drama recycled. I just don't have the strength to listen, let alone pretend to care. And frankly, I shouldn't have to. I know she was "just a dog", but she was MY dog and part of our family and I'm so sad my heart is aching. I know yours is too and I appreciate you being there yesterday. I really, really do. And I'm not saying that you feel like I should just be over it or that she was just a dog or that you aren't deeply sad and hurting too. But we deal with these things in different ways and those ways are not meshing right now, ok? So please, just for the next few days, call one of your girlfriends to dish the gossip and give me a break. Sorry for being cunty, but I'm feeling short fuse and really don't want to blow up at you.

I heart u 4-eva,

Dear R,

You are so incredibly supportive and warm and caring and sweet. I know you won't let me say thank you for all that you have done and continue to do, so I will do it here. Thank for you spending the night driving me out to the desert to see the stars and holding me while I cried. There was no way I was going to sleep, but you didn't have to stay up all night too. I know you only had a few months to know our girl, but I saw how attached you got and I know you are terribly sad over this too. Thank you for sharing my sadness and helping me to feel like I'm not crazy for taking it so hard. It's difficult to have a constant companion for over eleven years and then suddenly they are gone. Thank you for moving her stuff out my sight and for allowing me the space to let it all sink in today. In case I haven't told you this, I truly love you and will never stop being thankful that you were so damned tenacious in getting my attention and so much yourself on our first date that I couldn't help but fall head over heels for you. What was that I said about not believing in love at first sight? Okay, so maybe it wasn't real love at first sight, but it surely is now wub.gif

xoxoxo Me

Dear church lady,

I overlooked (thorugh gritted teeth) your effrontery in barging into my home twice with your brood of spoilt brats, because I thought you were being generous with your time and efforts with the young'un.

Now that we've discovered you're actually a religious zealot trying to convert her, and possibly trying to 'rescue' her from us godless people, you need to stay the hell out of our home. Keep your converting zeal, your assumptions, your choices and your irritating kids away from us. Forever.

Not just-a-dog, (((Yuefie))).

Dear Self,

Well, that was fast!


Dear universe,

So, I guess I am meant to be an archaeologist. Or was this supposed to mean I shouldn't be with AZ Guy? Or simply that it wasn't our time to start a family?

For someone who wasn't too sure if she wanted to be a mother, I sure am taking this hard. I mean, I'm doing what I usually do when something bad happens: take care of the practical stuff (like finances, email, taxes, car repair, etc.) and try not to grieve or even think about being in the hospital Sunday night or sitting in the doctor's office yesterday.

I am sure that everything happens for a reason, and that this was probably the best thing to happen right now (although the hospital bill isn't.). I know that someday I'll have a kid, but for right now, I'm still going to be a little sad.

Dear Landlord,
Thank you very much for finally giving me the rest of my mail. See, that wasn't so hard, was it?
((((((lilac)))))) it's ok to be sad even if you weren't sure. allow yourself the time.


((((Lilac)))) Falljackets is a wise woman. Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve.
I'm sorry, (((Lilac))).

dear irs,


we've been shelling out $500 a month, thousands each year for the past several years to pay our back taxes as agreed upon. would it KILL you guys to let us actually GET the refund this year? oh! and you'll just be keeping our stimulus-thingie, too, huh? fuck us for trying to work for ourselves and make an honest living. gah! were we so naive! but fuck you for just being a bunch of POOPYPANTS!!

feeling rather fucked,


dear busties,

if you ever find yourself in the happy position of owning your own business or working as an independent contractor, always, always, always save and pay estimated taxes - even in that first year when you're just trying to make it work. trust me, lesson learned the hard way over here. and we haven't worked for ourselves in three years now.


Dear me,

Why are you so nice? LOL You hate doing your own laundry... so why did u volunteer to do the rest of your friend's laundry????? Oh well, you will be blessed for helping her out. You have a serving spirit I guess.

Dear friend,

Please do not ever wait a month to wash every stitch of wardrobe you own. My washer, dryer, and electric bill will thank you next time you have to use their services. I understand you are stretched thin doing things for other people. But please, if you have 10 loads of clothes, please go to the laundromat!
Dear busties,
Thank you all. It means a lot.

Dear falljackets,
You are wise. I need to do something to mourn, I'm not sure what though.

Dear work,
What the fuck is wrong with you people? I spent the last three days running around between doctors, in limbo over my health and now I'm getting in trouble for not filling in a time off request at...when? One in the morning on Sunday, after I spent four hours in the ER and after being ordered to stay in bed for the next three days? I don't even have this I hate to remind you this, but life tends to get messy and unpredictable, and if all you want are good little robots who won't have a private life or swear to put this company first and above their own health and family then go to fucking hell. Just because you don't want either doesn't mean the rest of us need to make that sacrifice.
--one pissed off employee

Dear month,
Um, could you please hurry up and get over? Yes, May will be filled with drama too, but hopefully it will be the good kind, and nothing like this.
(((((((((((((((lillac)))))))))))))))))) sweetie, no words, just tons & tons of hugs.
ox, freckle

sweetie, have been watching and waiting in the puppy thread, and thought of you much over the weekend, and now understand and am so sorry.
it's brought up a lot of memories of our Boy, and that's ok,bc it's a legacy of Love & that's clearly what you have too.
I'm still here if you need anything,
mucho crazi hugs,
(((((lilac))))) *tight hugs* even if it isn't the "right" time, it hurts. please do allow yourself to mourn and don't allow anyone to minimize your pain or grief. ~~~sending lots of soothing vibes your way~~~

((((freckle)))) thank you so much sweetheart.

((((BUSTies))))) thanks for all the love. you all rock!

Dear Sparky & The Gang,

Please, please, pleeeease check your email or answer the phone or clear out your voicemail box so that I can leave a message, dangit. I really want to know if Jenny is still in need of a good home as I think she may be the right furbaby for this mama. There is something strange about my having seen her profile months ago and then finding her again. I prefer to think it's divine and that my Sashie girl would be pleased, so please write or call me back at least to let me know if she has already found a home. The suspense is killing me!


Dear the majority of people I work with,

I don't like you. The company is extremely unorganized and I'll be surprised if it lasts another year. I spend most of my day using the internet on your time. I'm just working there to pay for my student loans. Maybe if you all treated me with any respect, I wouldn't think such mean thoughts all the time.

stupid double posts
(((((((((lilac))))))))) i've been there honey, it's ok to grieve for what might have been.


dear self,
it's rain, get over it! just cuz it's gloomy and crappy outside doesn't mean you have to be draggy and grouchy. those are everyone's least favourite dwarves!


dear internet,
stop getting hiccups! i'm getting tired of getting booted all the time!

(((((lilac & yuefie)))))

dear you -

why did you just ignore my IM? were you busy or were you blowing me off? you've never not answered before, even when busy. so I guess it's gone from "I have to go walk the dog" and signing off quickly to just not saying anything and logging off. fuck. I hate this.


dear Mr -

I don't think I've told you how glad I am that we're friends. You're not the guy for me anymore. You were at the time, when I needed someone really mellow and low key after the long relationship full of chaos that I'd just gotten out of. But I've grown a lot since then, grown back into who I am - and you're just not the guy. but I love the fact that we still genuinely like each other and are friends. It's taken a LOT to get to this point, and I respect you hugely for being so willing to make our friendship work. You've proven a lot to me.

((((lilac & yuefie))))

Dear Petekins

please pull through this. you're strong and grumpy and my funny bunny and you will be fine with three legs. I'm sorry i didn't spot that stupid lump earlier.

Dear Universe
don't you fucking take him. he's two. I'm not ready to loose him.
dear universe: ditto what mornington said. please take care to heal her bunny bc it's the right thing to do.

(((((((mornington & petekins))))))))))
Dear Universe,

1. Please protect the bunny. Furry friends should not be taken early. (((((((mornington & petekins))))))))))

2. I've paid my dues. Don't you think it's time I get a job? The hook and bait are out there. Make the employers bite.


Go grumpy three-legged bunnies!
((((Mornington))))) I hope your bunny pulls through.

Dear everyone,
Thank you again. I don't know what to say, except this has proven how lucky I am, both here and IRL. The amount of support has been remarkable, I truly am blessed.

Dear Foxy,

I know AZ Guy is upset you're being put down, but to allow you to suffer for much longer is cruelty. You accepted me into the family from the moment I met you, and you were one of my favorite parts of visiting his parents. Even though they grumbled about you, I know you were a very cared-for, very loved-for pet, and you had the life most dogs only dream about--a loving family, lots of walks, and lots of cats to chase in the neighborhood. You will be missed.
Dear self:

Keep your yap shut. Even if you're right, everyone doesn't need to know it all the time. Save for when it really matters and let it go for the small stuff. Most of it is small stuff. Don't correct your instructors, boss, etc. They don't appreciate it and they'll take it out on you later.

No one likes a know-it-all and they don't care if you've been conditioned that way by your fucked up childhood. You're an adult--shut it until you figure out how to know when it's appropriate.

dear you -

I miss you. Can this ever be repaired? I hope so.


Dear Badsigner,

Stop praying for me, get your nose stuck out of your bible, and take a good long look at the universe. It's not me that needs to be saved.

F%^&* You,
Dear Sweet Neurotic Self,

Stop worrying so much. It never helps any, and everything worked out okay today. Also, get over the jealousy, its not worth it.

OMG! Stop the fantasizing and making shit up in your head. God help you if there is something there. You don't really want that- the grass is just always greener- is all. That's all that is.

Start thinking, not worrying, but really thinking about what you want in your life, and then go after it!

Take care of yourself,


Miss S.

Its hard for me to disguise the fact that I wish you'd fucc off. Your whole facade sickens me to the point I want to vomit.

That is all,

dear boB,
i think about you every day. i didn't mean to be such a girl about the whole thing, but you are so exactly everything i've been wanting in another person, and we hit it off pretty well. if i concentrate hard enough, will you fall in love with me and move here? or ask me to visit? i wish you weren't such a good guy, or that i wasn't so blindsided by pheromones.
the idiot you met
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