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((zoya)) ((sybarite))

Dear woman at temp agency who is only my boss for two days really,

WTF? First, you tell me I'm limping. Look, I have CP! It's a medical condition, not a limp. I wanted to throw your ass on the concrete this morning when you said this to me, but I need the money for this stupid fucking temp job so I won't. But, fuck off already and show some damn compassionate for Christ's sake. And just the way you said it, you laughed. I've dealt with this since birth bitch! All the looks, stares, people too shy to ask me questions. But, if I say CP, you will automatically give me a "Poor you" look. So, I'd rather lie and say that I worked out too much.
Then, you get on me about wristbands. They're fucking paper wristbands. And if your precious car company is so concerned about the eco world and "going green," why are they paper?
FUCK! Thank God this job ends tomorrow.


Look, I bought a treadmill. Actually Mcgeek did. I'm living with him now. You know this. Instead of being happy that I want to be healthy in my life, and that I'm in the first good relationship. You ridicule me, and say I'm not independent anymore...that I'm attached at his hip? I don't see the correlation between workout equipment and the love for my boyfriend, but I still had a right to call you a bitch. Especially, after the zillions of phone calls about your shitty relationship. Did I ever once call him an asshole? NO!! I know you're pissed or jeolous, but I don't need you as a friend if you're going to be this way. I need support, not hatred. Besides, you're a drug addict.

OT, sorry- I didn't know you had CP, sassy! LeBoy has it, too. He's a hemiplegic so it's mostly in his right leg, but he has limited range of motion in his right hand, also.
Polly, I'm like that as well. Both in my right leg and hand.
Dear J,

I now realize that besides your kids the only thing you care about in your life is sex. And since I'm not there to fuck you whenever you please I don't matter. Thanks for treating me like shit. And congratulations on being the first guy to ever make me feel used.

That time when you thought I was giving you the silent treatment? I wasn't doing that, I was trying to gather my thoughts so that I wouldn't tell you what I really think of you which is that you're a pathetic old man who gets an ego boost from fucking young girls. But of course this is just me being irrational. That's what you call any woman who dares to disagree with you, isn't it?

I can't believe what a fucking asshole you are and I hate that I put you up on such a fucking pedestal.

dear zoya -

you made the decision that you thought would be best for the project - you know it's probably not going to be a popular decision, and it certainly could get you let go from the project. There's nothing you can do about it now. Just know that you did what you thought was best. Since not everyone got back to you, you weren't able to check it out with everyone involved - so you had to make a call, and you knew you were taking a risk.

I hope this doesn't screw you - there's nothing you can do about it except to tell those involved why you made the decision. They might let you go. That's the chance you took.

fingers crossed that it goes ok.


Why did you suddenly become a stepford husband? I told you not to do this. I hope that I never become this way. It's like you got married, and dropped your friends. The few times I hear from you, all you do is talk about your marriage. I'm happy for you, but remember you? I want my friend back, but all the emails I've sent you--fuck it. Is this because we can't fuck anymore? You know the rules-- no sex when we're both in relationships. Hell, you're married. I've been with Mcgeek for a year.

Dear Me,

Just call the temp agency tomorrow. I know they're being assholes right now, but you need to pay the bills. Hopefully, the library position will open up, or maybe the IKEA one. At least you'd get some bookcases out of the later job. Just keep job searching. I need something to pop up.

Also, Mcgeek is trying. I know he's still holding on to his ex wife. Don't move in with him yet. But, if he doesn't get that key back from that Glen Close ex of his, consider moving on. I know it will hurt you, but you had to give up D. I want to love him, but I can't right now. I think going back to your apartment with Miles is the best thing (also for the cat--sick of the fucking dog chasing him) for you right now. Yet, I will miss the treadmill.

PS Rum, quit being my friend. Had a bad hangover due to you. sad.gif

Dear you motherfucking DOUCHEBAG!

We have been broken up for 17 months. My friends are not harrasing you are the bar, if they were, thery'd tell me about it. You are not going to get a reaction from me. I highly doubt that it was an accident that your doctor calls my house to confirm an appointment of yours. You are creepy, you changed your cell phone number and the last 4 digits are the same as my home number. How fucking creepy is that? You are a loser, you need help, seriuos help. Perhaps in the form of a .45. You are a pathetic twat.



Dear B,

I have finally figured out why I can't seem to let you go.

I'm like those rats. You know those rats in the study about pushing the bar and getting a pellet of food? The rats who had a consistent outcome - whether it was positive (pushing bar always equals food) or negative (pushing bar never equals food), they eventually got bored or frustrated and gave up.

But the poor little rats that got random reinforcement - they kept pushing and pushing the bar, hoping each time that this would be one of the magical pushes that resulted in that little pellet of rat-treat.

Well, that's me, and your attention and friendship and whatever it is that goes on between us is the pellet of food. You seem to know just how many fruitless attempts I can stand, too. You go just long enough without answering my calls or emails that I'm about ready to give up on you all together, then you call out of the blue and we have an amazing conversation. Or you don't bother coming out with me when I'm home, then you give me a key to your house and tell me I'm welcome anytime.

I don't think you do this on purpose. I know you're just as screwed up as I am. But the fact of the matter is that our relationship works just fine for you while it keeps me paralyzed, sad and alone.

I also get that it's probably some character flaw in me that makes the random reinforcement appealing - that makes consistency seem boring, that makes me push anyone away who is there for me on a regular basis, who always answers the phone when I call or at least calls back within a few hours, who never says "let's hang out on (x day)" then doesn't follow through. I get it that there's something messed up about wondering what's wrong with anyone who actually wants to be with me, who makes an effort to spend time with me, who never seems to have to wait to see if better plans will come along before agreeing to meet me at a certain place at a certain time on a certain day. I get it that it's because, deep down, I don't believe I deserve to be loved that I feel like I have to "work for it" in a relationship. I get all of that, but it doesn't really change anything.

I know that if I tell you I can't continue to be in touch with you, you're going to say that it's unfair, that I'm not being very adult. Maybe that's true. But I'm afraid it's how it has to be.

I'll miss you. Hell, I miss you now. But I can't keep doing this.

I love you, but I think it's time I loved myself just a tiny bit more.

Wishing I could actually say all this to you,


Please don't fuck up this IKEA gig. You're going thru a bad funk of depression now, and I understand. Just fake it till you make it. Try to get thru 8 hours without having a breakdown okay?


I know it's only a checkbook. But it was hers. And hell, I found it in my room. I love you. But, I can't deal with your ex's ghost. I'm too good for that. Just let me be by myself for a while. Maybe we should break up for some time. I just want my shit back. This is such crappy timing.

I'm starting a fucking job tomorrow!! I didn't want to deal with a breakup.

dear s,

you've crushed my spirit.

- l

your post was insensitve and rude. Have you actually read what some people have written? Obviuosly not.

Thanks CH.

Dear current employee,

It's my second day man. I'm just trying to learn the ropes. I thought in training, everyone seemed very nice. But, I get to the actual job yesterday.The tables have turned. I didn't expect to be yelled at three times today by my manager (who probably hates me). Then, there's the whole thing with people being extremely phoney.
What's up with that? I did want to throw something today. Also, the clicks. Are we in high school again? I'm just very frustrated, and I shouldn't be this early on in the game.


Dear Lynda,

Welcome to my ignore list.


How's that for a sent letter?
Dear Lynda,

No one gives a shit. Fair enough???
Dear Anti-Troll Fairy,

Could you send some troll-y be gone?



dear job -

you are really unhealthy for me and the sooner I am away from you the better.

This work environment is like being in a dysfunctional family or relationship. One might be a together person, but after living in the extreme dysfunction, one starts to get broken down and start to believe that they're not up to it. Not good enough. etc. And I've finally come full circle to see that's not true - I see that people outside this project respect me and my work and me as a person - and that's the reality. Not the dysfunctional reality I've gotten sucked into. So I need to get away from the thing that's bringing me to that shitty place - you.

I'm going to finish out my committment, but I may resign if you extend this project.

I do not want to be in this dark dark place that I've been in for the last few weeks, and part of pulling myself out is extracting myself from you.


Dear dad,

please stop being so over-protective and realize that I am a grown, educated, strong woman able of making my own decisions. I can no longer be controlled by your iron rule. Too bad. Get over it.

ps I love you
Dear new job,
I thought that my last job was horrid. To my degrees it was. However, I have been screamed out the last two days, and today-- only on my third day-- someone steals money from my purse. I didn't really like this person to begin me, but thought that maybe they would difficult to get to know. It's obvious now that they're an thief. The most ironic thing is that I work in loss prevention, and I can't tell my manager b/c she's is friends with this person. I had no proof, except that I knew it was taken. I want to at least tolerate my co-workers. Please. It's got to get better.I need to find another part time job on top of this one, b/c the pay is so shitty.


You saying "So what if she has a key??", and her being your ex wife. So not cool.
I want my shit back. I think I love you, but my trust is seriously fucked up right now. Please just get rid of all, and I'll think of coming back. We just don't communicate anymore, and I think that it's a bad thing.

Dear me,

Please keep job searching. Also, study the GRE. That test isn't going to take itself.
Unfortunely. sad.gif

dear you -


I can't take it back.

But I meant it. I only said it cause I like you and it wouldn't be fair - and I wouldn't be being the real me - if I didn't tell you.

I don't know what you'll do with it.

I had to say it though.

dear s,

today i revealed that i want to marry you.

you have no idea what kind of damage you're doing to me now.

- l
you can do this.
I know you are discouraged bc you've been working sooo hard the last 2 weeks now, and when you look in the mirror facing you at the gym, the same tubby little body still gawks sweatily back at you, no improvements so far visable.
but remember: you didn't gain this weight in 2 weeks- it happened over a year or more, you owe yourself that much time, ok maybe 1/2 or 1/4th that time, to sensibly but aggressively burn it off.
granted, today wasn't your best. yoga was great and you did better, but you are so sore after that weight class yesterday, and then w/ whatever the heck is causing the occasional dizziness so we called it good and left 30 minutes into it. remember the dr said to listen to your body? to not push yourself when it hurt? you weren't wussing out today, bc when we came home we still did 50 crunches, + 20 more Hard Ones.
that self- is called determination!
let go of the shame of how you look now and stop comparing the 'old skinny & hot you' to that; it's not fair and you know it and it will defeat you if you don't check it now. goals are a good thing, as long as they are realistic.
getting the checkup & starting on vitamins and making the apptment w/ the nutrionist is going to be a huge boost to all this too, re-learning how to eat well is going to be great, but the appt is when it is.
those changes and improvements will happen in the wake of it.
please stop being so hard on us, we're doing this day by day, getting stronger even if you can't see it yet; even a walk in the neighborhood is more than we used to do, so throwing us into all these classes and on these machines is a lot of shock for a junk-food-fueled system.
a little faith here please?
dear zoya -

this too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass...

you will feel better at some point, and it's going to feel really good when you do.

it's so painful now, I know. It will be ok. be as easy on yourself as you can.

dear sdf,

watching Lars and the Real Girl totally made me think fo you. because he had your moustache. and your parka. and your smile sometimes. and because if you were around we would have waited until it came out on netflix then watched it and drank cocoa out of your blueberry mugs. i miss you. i wonder if you knew i was sick if it would make a difference but nothing ever seemed to make a difference with anyone once set your mind on grudge. i'm not naive enough to think i would be any different merely because i'm your daughter.

watching French Beauty made me think of you too. all those films, the weekend excursions of my youth. you, me, and the subtitles. from the popcorn scented theaters to the stinking streets of berkeley, we walked arm in arm through my puberty. the makeup i amassed to emulate their look. the makeup you would confiscate when i comitted one of my many teenage transgressions. did you ground me so we could spend more time together? it's at once a sweet and a dangerous thought.

we always were both those things anyhow. my bruises whisper of wimpers i want to tuck under the pillow like a lost tooth.

and i never think of them. i think of how i'd send you music. i'd sing for you, and bake pear tarts. wait for you to suggest books. your little bonsai, i'll grow any way you shape me.

watching The Bionic Woman, there was a scene where the blonde one returns to a near empty room, scrawled on the wall the words, "You failed me". i froze. it felt like something you would do to me. that desolate destructive way you could express disappointment. turning it into a work of art. and that was all part of the dance. because only great love could prompt great loss...right? like erica jong says, "this emptiness...theorizes you because if there is emptiness this deep, there must be fullness somewhere".

have i failed you? it's the unanswered question. i sputter like a stalled car without your feedback.

but oh if you would emerge from your washington hideout, there would be music, the kitchen would swell with the smell of cinnamon and we could again take our place before the screen, and occasionally books would be piled with love outside my bedroom door.

Dear non-vegans:

being vegan is, despite all the inconvenience it causes me and all the good food i've given up and all the unsatisfying soy crap i have to eat, extremely important to me. I believe humans are just glorified monkeys, animals with their own place in the world just like all other organisms; unique, but not special. I don’t believe that, as a human, my life takes rank over that of any other animal. I don’t need to eat meat to survive or to be healthy – the only reason I’d eat meat, then, is because it tastes good, and that’s not a good enough reason to take a life, or to condemn it to the misery of egg and dairy farms. It’s not my place to say what has a right to live and what doesn’t; what deserves to suffer and what doesn’t. I also believe it is the greatest disrespect to eat the flesh of an animal I could never have brought myself to kill; to deny that a life had to be taken for me to enjoy a meal. As long as I don’t need it to live, I can’t justify killing an animal, and I certainly can’t justify just eating one. It just seems wrong to me. I made this choice 9 years ago and I stuck with it (with a lot of problems, but the commitment is still there).
And nearly every day, for 9 years and counting, someone decides it’s really fucking cute to flaunt their animal-based foods at me, wave them at me, stick them in my mouth, pester me to just give up and eat some; just a little; it’s really good; I don’t know what I’m missing; I’m not making a difference anyway. The disrespect I encounter from non-vegans is staggering. Fuck you. This is not a trophy for me – I actually believe in it and I’ve made a sacrifice none of you would never dream of making. Who the fuck are you to make fun of that? Do you think anything you say is going to revolutionize 9 years of thought and experience? Do you think you could possibly say anything I haven’t heard before? Do you think I could possibly be stirred by your claim that carrots have feelings, too? Do you think you’re really fucking clever for being the first person to ever think of that one? Fuck you. What i eat is none of your business. You are not better than me, and your way of life is not better than mine, just like I’m not better than you and my way of life is not better than yours. If it really bugs you that I’m vegan, and you can come up with a really good reason for why you feel this way, by all means, let me know. Again, being vegan is not a trophy for me – it’s what I believe, and beliefs change when perspectives change. Help me see a new perspective and I will discover a new belief. Until then, kindly stop trying to shove animals down my throat.


Dear Mom,

Yes my ass did get fat since you last saw me. The past two years with losing my job and a death in the family and you having your nervous breakdown has been KINDA weighing on me. I know appearances are everything to you but your going to have to take a chill pill. And if you do anything passive aggressive like you did last year and buy me maternity clothes THEN I WILL BLOG ABOUT YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

xo Me

Dear Everyone Here,
This is the most awesome thread I ever read.
Love, Me
Dear Scumbag,

I can't believe we actually dated for a few months before I realized how vile you are. I want you out of my consciousness completely. I can't handle any more rage-fueled nightmares.

BTW, my new boyfriend's dick is bigger and his mix tapes are better. And guess what else: HE FUCKING USES A CONDOM WHEN I ASK HIM TO. He doesn't try to sneak it past me without one, or convince me that it will be okay. You know why? Because he has more respect for himself and me in his pinky finger than you have in your whole body. Oh yeah, and the sex is amazing. With protection! How about that? Turns out you can feel something.

Hoping I never have to see your weasel-face again (but determined to actually tell you this if I do),
Dear certain people in my life,

Please read epinephrine's post.

Okay, done?
Good, because aside from the fact that I do eat dairy and eggs, that applies to me as well.
So, just shut up about my diet already and move on to something else.

Dear B,

This has been brewing inside me for a long time. I don't care that you are family. You are a whiny, self centered, ignorant, bitch. Your last few blog posts have cemented this for me. I don't want to know you. If I could avoid ever seeing you again I would. But you are family. And more so your mother is a meddling psychopath who will take it to my mother and make her feel guilty about me not inviting you somewhere that I invite our other cousin. Never mind the fact that you brother and his new wife are fantastic people and people I want to get to know especially since they live in the same area. And because of this I can't be friends with them. Because of you. Because you will make my life hell if I do. Well let me tell you if she sees that last blog post she's not going to be your biggest fan either and the one a few before that? Ya... don't want your brother seeing that. And furthermore you wonder why your friends didn't come? Well if you treat them even half as badly in real life as you treated them with your words in that post I'm surprised you even have friends.

Will I ever like you? I don't know. Will you grow up? Will you stop having temper tantrums (at 30!) when things don't go your way? Will you stop tearing apart your supposed friends because they had something else going on in their life and couldn't drop everything for you? Get over yourself, grow up and start thinking about other and not just yourself.


Dear B's mom,

Stop causing so much grief and guilt within the family. Stop making my mother feel so damn guilty all the time. You are the most negative person I have ever met. And you wore off on your daughter.


Dear busties,

I'm a yella belly and posted this under a different name so that I can preserve some peace in my family in the off chance that she might read this. And from my real profile it's pretty easy to figure out who I really am.

dear busties,

I've lurked at the lounge for quite some time, and I've decided it's dumb to by shy about posting. I love you and the threads you have created (and have introduced myself in the newbie palace)



dear A,

I totally loved your letter this morning, the drawings and the poem. You are precious as fuck. I miss you and drafting work and camping, and everything. All at once.

I'm glad your study abroad placement is good to you. I hope you introduce people to good music (like you did for me), and make love to some gorgeous penniless communist European writer while drinking tiny cups of cofee and looks at the fjords.

But I am also looking forward to having you, my dear friend, back after this absence and in time for my birthday. you fill my heart with joy.'

dear job,

please hire someone awesome to be my co worker. the interview you scheduled with the Christian grandma made me wonder if this is going to work out. I am liberal. I want to work with our young clients and help them feel comfortable, and whoever you hire is going to be my 24/7 partner for the next 3 years if I stay with the project. It's not your fault, or the fault of any of your applicants, that I am so worried that you will choose someone who is my total opposite. It's just that I am scared of meeting new people and not being able to do my job the way I want.

I totally wanted you to hire Mr. Cord for these exact reasons, and I know that is probably unprofesional of me, but it was worth a shot. I really like my vegan boss and the potential of doing really, really good things. I am doing my best not to be xenophobic and I sincerely appreciate being forced out of my comfort zone on this once, because otherwise I migth continue to be controlling and fearful.

dear C,

I'm glad you had pizza with us today, and listened to our story and didn't judge us. I really like you. And your moustache makes you look like someone's dad.

dear mr. cord,

sorry for smoking in the house.

dear self,

sorry for smoking. but it WAS satisfying. in a "i crave more immediately" way. yikes. and also sorry for the beer. but that was kind of fun too, until I projectile vomited all morning (faaaaaak....)



dear you -

fuck. dude, I know you know. It's only obvious. but fuck.

oh well. you're leaving anyway. There's part of me that doesn't want you to go, but I think that it's probably a good thing, just because it will make things easier. I'm trying not to think about anything beyond that.


Dear Career Fairy,
I feel like I have been dangling on a limb for a very long time. I like my job most days, but we both know the pay is just not cutting it with gas at $3/gallon!! there are alll thesechanges comingin teh next 7 montsh and I realize that there is a lot of potential here...but then I hear about the jobs like I heard about last week paying almost double what I ammaking now!!! You know the job I know the salary I want...Can you give TPTB a push to go ahead and post it instead o fbringing it up at every staff meeting. Oh yeah..and let my experience amke up fo rteh fact that i am still working on teh degree!


Not so dear whomever is controling the frickin gas prices,
Fuck off and Die!!!

That is all.
Dear Family,

Your all crazy. I'm adopted. Thank God for Mr. Pug who keeps me sane.

That's all,

dear bank account,

um, sorry about overdrawing you. again. i wish me and that debit card could get reunited but the bank isn't likely to give it back again, is it? tonight i had to choose between buying gas or buying yeast infection cream because i only had the money for one of them. that's bad.

dear bank,

dude, can you stop charging me $25 for every goddamn overdraft? by the time i get paid and put money in my account, it only goes far enough to pay your goddamn fees and then i'm broke and overdrafting again.

dear social work,

i love love love you, i just wish you gave me more money.
Dear Older Brother,

I'm sure you didn't mean to do what you did when we I was 6 and you were 9. At least, you couldn't have meant to be so vicious at such a young age, and most likely the cruelty to that one pregnant turtle where you smashed it slowly and squeezed out it's eggs on the road before ripping it open was an isolated incident. You didn't even know I was watching. And the thing about touching me, that was never repeated, right? I mean, you never laid a hand on me after that, just the verbal....unpleasantness for 12 years or so....and you said you were sorry about that, after. We never speak now, or stay in the same room for any length of time. Do you even remember? Was it even significant, or am I just "making a mountain out of a molehill"? Do you love your daughters, 5 and 8? Is everyone healthy (but me)?

You were so young, I don't hate you, truly. How could I, you couldn't possibly have known the meaning of what you were doing. Why do I even think of it now? Am I just avoiding my own responsibilities? Eager to blame all bad things on the first boy-child, so many years ago neither of us should remember? What is wrong with me, I can't seem to let things go and forget?

-Six (and still counting...)
dear self.

get a life.

and try not to kill yourself.
dear old house,

i really loved living in you while we were together. i loved the view and the times walking by the railroad tracks, I loved the rustic feel of it all, and I loved the neighbors. but what made it the best of all was the fact that I was living with people i loved, and learning so much about myself. I thought I was in love with you, but really I was in love with the way my life was at that time. and today, i realized that things haven't changed-- my life is still going as well and remaining as rich as it was during the time we were together.

I can romanticize you all I want, but everything I need is inside of me.

dear you -

of course I care. did I give you too much? I don't know - well, probably, but what can I do now? I told you what I needed to tell you, I have no choice but to let it go. Not easy for me, but necessary. All I know is the advice I've been given, which is not to create negative thinking, because it's just my fears. I know that everything is out of my hands, anyway, except me. Anyway, that's all. Not sure why I'm saying this anyway. Just trying something new.

Dear boss,
Hi, remember me? The person who sits across from you and you hand random stuff to all day long?

Could you please take some time from your busy schedule of dealing with the department head and talking to your cousin to explain what my job is, starting with, I don't know, maybe what the hell it is I'm supposed to be doing?

I understand the part about being handed stuff and put them in, but beyond that, what else? You assign me stuff, say you'll explain it later, then later never comes, or else I get some half-assed that doesn't even begin to cover my questions, then when I ask you about it, you tell me to use my best judgment. This usually results in you saying I fucked up at a later date, then giving a belated (and still incomplete) explanation about what I was supposed to be doing in the first place. This gets irritating real fast. And, of course, if I ask anyone else about this, they don't know either. All of this makes me want to scream and take really long walks so I don't have to deal with this stuff.


P.S. Does your wife know about your girlfriend? And vice versa?
Dear L,

You don't know how beautiful you are, and you'll never know how attracted I am to you. Don't worry, I'll probably never act on it, but if given the perfect opportunity, and no one would ever know but the two of us ... oh, wouldn't I love to. Just once.

Dear M,

How could you cheat on such a woman as R, who's not only your (former) wife, but the mother of your children? You are a F@#$%ing idiot!!!!!! Karma's a bitch, baby.

Dear bugs,

Go away and leave us alone ... forever!


A part of me feels that I should be disappointed in you. Or angry or frustrated or flustered or something. But I'm not. And I think it's because I saw this coming. I knew you were capable of shit like this. That's why I left. I knew that if you were pushed far enough, you could snap & really hurt someone you love. Physically injure them. Now you've done just that. And to top it all off, you keep acting like he deserved it. Typical. And not at all surprising to me, oddly enough.

Listen. What B said about your mother is inexcusable. I get that. I understand that. He was acting like a drunk asshole who was looking for a fight. Understood. Check. So why give him the fight he was looking for? Why punch him? Why did you continue hitting him until you broke 2 of his ribs? Why couldn't you have just walked away?

But I know the reason why. Because you are you. And this is part of what you do. And although you never hit me, I walked on eggshells long enough to realize that, deep down, you were capable of hitting a loved one. Now you've done it. You've lived up to my expectations. Bravo.

Stop drinking. Get your own place. You're making damn good money at your job. Start spending it wisely.

A mullet? A MULLET?!?!? You've got to be fuckin' kidding me. Cut your hair, fool. You look ridiculous.

So, she's pregnant. And you don't want to be responsible for the baby. Oh, but you don't want her to have an abortion either, of course. And heaven forbid she give the child up for adoption, because you don't want that, either. You still want her to have the baby and keep the baby ... you just don't want to share your half of the responsiblity for the baby. You "don't think [you're] ready to be a father".
You're, what, 27? 28? Maybe it's time for you to grow up, hmm? Show a little responsiblity for your actions perhaps? And for heaven's sake, this girl isn't some stranger. You've been dating her for years now. You've become a member of her family. Why should it be such a surprise to you that we expect you to show a little responsibility? If you run out on this situation & don't carry your weight, I will drive my ass half way across the country for the sole purpose of ripping out your spleen. Do the right thing.

I wish there was something I could do or say to make this better. Even if there was, I'm afraid it doesn't sound right if it comes from me. I know that to so many people I seem to be living a charmed life. A blessed, comfortable life. So much of that is true, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you or sympathize with you. It doesn't mean that I'm looking down on you because of the differences in our lives. I love you dearly. You're my sissy. When I was a kid I spent more time with you than I did my own brothers. You are my heart. But we've grown distant now and I just don't know what to say that will make it all click back in place and make it easier to relate to one another and let you know that I am here for you. I really am here for you. In fact, I wish I could bundle up you and G and take you someplace safe where you could get a great job & he could go to great schools and you wouldn't have to deal with these assholes who continually beat you down and down and down. You have such a good soul, A, and you deserve all the light and warmth and joy that life can offer. I just wish there was a way I should shine a little more of that light into your life from all of these miles away.
Endless love. As always.
dear apt ###:

holy fuck. i am THIS close to beating you with your own noisy instrument. instead, i called in a noise complain on you. SUCK IT.

dear you:

it could have been beautiful. you're a fool.

dear me:

you're a fool, but for different reasons.

dear tomorrow night:

i just want to have fun. i don't want to have to beat a bitch down.

dear tonight:

i just want to have fun. i'll try not to make it awkward by puking.

dear opheliathemuse:

I hear all the time that one shouldn't hate, because then one allows the object of hate to 'control' them. That isn't how it is. Hate is a beast that most people haven't figured out. It does not control, and it most certainly is not comparable to love (all that business about them sharing 'passion', is what I mean). I think one could end up loving a person they've disliked passionately, under the right circumstances. It isn't so with Hate. If you truly hate someone, you can never love, or even like them. For the object of one's hate to be obliterated would be joy, true joy. I hate you. I wish you were gone. I don't care so much how you're removed from my sphere, whether you go back to your home state where more people probably like you, or you're murdered, or killed in a fatal car accident. Whatever removes you would be cool with me. I would be genuinely happy if you were gone. Sounds pretty horrible for a person to say that, but that's the nature of the beast.

We don't get along, do we? That's a problem, I just hate being in conflict with a family member. But I think you know why I tend to blow up at you. You have to stop talking to me like I'm some nasty, disobedient child. I would've thought that after all the scream-outs, you would realize I'm not an extension of you. I'm a separate entity, I have my own thoughts and opinions. That brings us to another aspect of this conflict.
Yes, I do have strong opinions. And my deliverance of them is forceful. I know that this rubs a lot of people the wrong way, but I don't give a damn and neither should you. I'm your daughter, you should be glad that I have the ovaries to speak my mind and not be shaken in my convictions (which I arrive at on my own after much careful thought). I can defend myself in a verbal stand off, I don't expect anyone to fight my battles. But it would be nice if you would stand with me. Mom does. But no, you befriend the little bastard who talks to me in the most disgraceful manner, and imply that I said/did something to him to deserve it. It all comes back to me refusing to be a door mat. What the hell is your problem? You should commend my resilience. But you very clearly don't.
I can't help but think if something really bad were to happen to me one day, your first thought would be 'what did she do to instigate it?' So you think I deserve whatever ugliness comes my way, you think I'm flat-out unpleasant (I heard you saying it many years ago, when you thought I wouldn't hear), and you think I hold grudges and resentment for too long. Maybe it's all true. If it is, you should be proud. I-am my father's daughter.

Hey You,
You're arresting. Step it up with what you said you would do smile.gif I want to be around you more. I like talking to you, seeing your expressions. You have such beautiful eyes. I never thought that a person's eyes could delight me so much, or draw a smile from me when I'm reluctant. And that laughter! I can't help but brighten when I hear it.
You're a rare gem, I wish you were mine.
Dear self,

Repeat after me: He has a Ron Paul bumper sticker.

Ron Paul bumper sticker.

No excuses about how it might be his roommate's car, ignore the fact that he's vegetarian and seems to be intelligent, he's not into you and he has a freaking Ron Paul bumper sticker on his car. So get over it, you're acting like a damn idiot. You aren't desperate to get laid or to be in a relationship, you're only crushing on him because of stress and a want for excitement.

If it'll help, he doesn't seem to like punk and he probably has a girlfriend (or boyfriend).


Dear archeology gods,
I want a job as a technician. I want to get hired, I want the firm that hires me to be a good one and want to keep me around for a while. I've been told it should be relatively simple to get hired, but the references part is killing me. Please try to fix this, I'm trying, but it's been difficult.

QUOTE(lilacwine13 @ Nov 19 2007, 10:41 AM) *
Dear self,

Repeat after me: He has a Ron Paul bumper sticker.

Ron Paul bumper sticker.

No excuses about how it might be his roommate's car, ignore the fact that he's vegetarian and seems to be intelligent, he's not into you and he has a freaking Ron Paul bumper sticker on his car. So get over it, you're acting like a damn idiot. You aren't desperate to get laid or to be in a relationship, you're only crushing on him because of stress and a want for excitement.

LOL!! laugh.gif
Dear Me,
Get over it. It's just an exam. A B is okay, even if you did think you'd get an A. YOU GOT WORKED UP! Gotta stop it with that, it really messes you up. Just chill, cause you know you have another one tomorrow. Go gear up for it. And your hair looks stunning today biggrin.gif
(Edit: It was actually a C, doll. Yes, now you can be angry)

Dear B.M,

I used to like you. I thought you were kind, funny, sensitive to other people's feelings.
However, since you started with your Atheist crusade (or anticrusade) you've become
quite intolerable - and now I also see how intolerant you can be. Have you ever heard the
expression "each to their own"?

You live in a country where religion and society are very firmly held apart, where a scientific
view of the world is mandatory in school, where it isn't an option to teach your kids that evolution
never existed, where even private religious school are under strict regulation.
Your beloved science is not under siege here. The Swedish church is progressive, open, science friendly,
Pro Choice, and as a gay couple you can marry in church with the same rights as hetero couples.
I really can't see what your problem is here. You take all your examples from Jesus crazies in
other countries, and all your quotes from Richard Dawkins. His reality doesn't even apply to our
society, and you'd know if you weren't so bloody ignorant about what the Swedish church is about.

You claim that you don't see religious people as less educated or less intelligent, yet you say
religion is stupid and evil. Are you even aware of the fact that many doctors and scientists are
in fact (gasp!) Christian? Or Muslims? That many, many composers, professors, authors, philosophers,
artists, architects and journalists that you admire for their intelligence are in fact deeply religious?
And still not crazy/ sexist/ racist/ at odds with science!

I'm agnostic myself, but quite drawn to some aspects of Christianity, especially Quakerism. My mother
is much into Protestant mysticism, and lives in a convent on and off for a week at a time. My father is
a die hard Atheist & nature lover. My best friend is a feminist, Socialist & Catholic convert. Another
friend is a feminist, Socialist Muslim. My ex boyfriend was a Protestant Anarchist & feminist, and a firm
believer in science. I could go on and on.

As long as people get a proper education, can express a reasonably free will and make it count,
and don't hurt, degrade or suppress each other (or at least try hard not to), I really can't see why you have
to go about cramming Atheism down everyone's throat. Don't you think that is rather smug? To assume
that another adult in a democracy, with 15 or many more years of education, can't have just as good judgment
and a life that is just as fulfilling, intellectually and emotionally, as you do? Because they are religious?

Do you really think that people who are older, wiser and more educated than you are going to throw away
their faith just because Richard Dawkins or some other crowd pleasing rhetorician says so? Well think again.

You treat science as your religion, just so you know. Science is manmade, and therefor it cannot be 100%
objective. It is controlled by money, and largely by men. Science is in many ways sexist, racist and exploiting.
If you see science as an absolute truth, then you are not less duped than religious fundamentalists.

I am so very fed up with your shit. Shut up already.


I wasn't gonna send this, but I did. My nose was out of joint. *does a bewitched nose twitch* I feel better now.

Dear DB,

When thinking outside of the box next, try harder!

If that's what you meant to say to me, then you should have taken the time to say that initially. What you did say was *so* uncool that I'm glad you said it to me in a PM & not in a posting. Had you posted such a query in our forum, you'd have been run out on a rail & mocked for DAYS.

Perhaps you didn't notice, but BUST is a feminist community. FEMINIST. I'm not saying we are a she-woman man-hating club, we welcome our male members (Hahateehee!) & have many cherished boy Busties. BUT. We're not here to help some guy get a date with a woman in his area that has ripe casabas. Especially one that seems to have the social skills of an IT guy. I mean, you didn't even say 'hi, TVM for welcoming me,' like a civilized person.

fetish: An object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.

I see very little difference between your "requirement for attraction" & a fetish. "Requirement" means that you won't date anybody that lacks a magnificent rack & you would be sexually impeded if you couldn't find anybody with said big rack to date. Ergo, ginormous hooters requirement + no girls with ginormous hooters = no relationship/pussylala for you.

But that's just my two cents from my DDs.

The mainpage advertises an online dating service used by several magazines, I suggest you try it. OKCupid is free & most folks have pictures . . .

Dear S,

My god I like you! I loved hearing you sing and I loved talking to you for hours afterwards. You make me smile and laugh and feel comforted and I really like you. I'm sorry if I seem odd when we stare at each other and I can't seem to say anything. It is because well, I am you! Is it wrong that I can't stop thinking about you? I hope not. I hope you are thinking about me too. I hope I get to see you again and kiss you again and hold your hand again soon.

Love, (whoops I mean Like),

Dear Cub,

Why why WHY did you have to write such cute, infectious three to four chord songs that are now stuck in my head, making me sing with glee. My downstairs neighbors are not pleased with my new found talent of figuring out each song on my guitar and singing it loud and proud to each of my cats to see if they like it. I remember singing these songs years ago, but now I am happy again and they fit with how I am feeling now and my you guys were cute! I guess thanks for filling up my head with cuddlecore. i'm in a cute fuzzy place.

Love love love,

Dear Vegan pumkin pies I am making from scatch,

Please let your crusts come out nice and yummy and let your innards be sweet creamy, comforting and well good! I hope the spices I got make you even nicer. I hope everyone I bake you for likes you too.

Dear Jenny,

You are not the resident bitch cat. Mistface is the resident bitchcat, then when (if) she ever gets adopted, it'll be Bettface's turn. Finally, little one, it'll be you. As in, you're third in line to the throne. No more bitchiness until you're at least a year old, okay small one? You're too young to be a psycho. And if you ever scratch my face again I will bite you and give you rabies.

Dear Procrastinating Me,

Get your ass to the grocery store already, woman! It's bad enough that all hell will have broken loose in there by this hour, and you're still not moving?!! Git!

Wannabe-productive Me.

I don't deserve you. I love you so goddamn much and you know it and I can't say it anymore (not today at least) because I feel like you'll be scared off after you figure out that I secretly want to marry you. I have never been with anyone so supportive, so respectful, romantic, and honest. I'm afraid now more than ever of losing you. I believe what you say but I also know that you're a typical Pisces, liable to slip out of my hands.

Praying that you keep loving me for whatever reasons you do,
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