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Dear BUSTies,

Thank you for the support. I put down the green, as I think that was contributing to my situation. I know that going to grad school will improve the situation, and I've turned off the PR stuff. I'm doing much much better.


(((every BUSTie)))

I heart you.
I just pulled over on the way home and had such a panic attack/ crying jag that I made myself throw up. I keep thinking I've reached the point where I am going to respect myself and stop being a fucking masochist chasing after someone who is so incapable of fairness or love and then I get back together with you anyway, but I have to say I think the vomiting just now may have been my breaking point.

The last time you pulled your 'steppin' out' bullshit with B and M in the car I called a meeting (I realize you don't remember anything, but I made a quiche and pea soup and we sat in the living room, on the couch. It was last Monday.) and I specifically said that I could not handle anymore of your fucking martyred "I won't have you yelling at me" jumping out of the car bullshit. I said that I realized that my yelling was innapropriate and I was going to try and work on it but I needed you not to bust my balls when I got into the car, as I needed to decompress after working 12 hours.

You said you understood this and that you would respect my wishes. You also said you'd stop with the jumping out of the car, as it is dangerous and disgusting. So much for "all you ever wanting is for me to be happy."

Since you are justified in your victimhood, always, I realize that you are not going to get this, but for the record, saying that I am going to eat anyway when I nicely asked you not to let me was busting my balls. Insinuating that a binge eater (another thing we discussed that you said you understood and would try and be sensitive about but soon forgot) who had to have heart surgery after years of bulimia has no control of themselves "You're going to eat anyway. Every time I come home there's food wrappers from the freezer all over the place." is not only cruel to call attention to my lack of control (I am a binge eater, you know this!!) it IS fucking busting my balls.

When I said, "All right" you kept on and yes, I snapped, I yelled "All right!" when you still wouldn't shut the fuck up and when you threatened to step out and asked me what would merit my screaming at you I explaned that you were busting my balls, which you said you understood set me off and which you said you weren't going to do anymore.

Instead of taking a step back and kindly keeping your word and allowing me my decompression, You responsed, "Well, it's true!" and on and on and on as though truth somehow negated the inapropriate nastiness of it and when I reminded you that you had promised not to bust my balls and asked you to please stop running your mouth your response was, "Anytime I don't agree with you you accuse me of running my mouth." Which is untrue and unjust when all I wanted you to do was to honor the promise you had made to me to give me 15 minutes of quiet and decompression time when I got off work and your response was to turn on the radio and when I asked you to respect my 15 minutes of quiet you jumped out of the car yet again.

Yet again.
Yet again.

This shit is done. I have been thinking alot about the fact that you told me that you didn't have any compassion or patience for me anymore and maybe that will be the thing I need, your final act of nasty cruelty that will give me the strength to actually end this marriage. I thought you were my bershert, but the reality is that you are my stepfather, and the meaner you are to me the harder I try to make you love me and it is sick and sad.

If you weren't such an empty person you would see what a beautiful person I am. You would see that "all I ever really want is for you to be happy" from me isn't just words. You would see how hard I try to please you ,and how badly I try and change. I also try and think of solutions (15 minutes of no ball busting) that will help you help me change so I can be a better mate for you. I know you don't notice anything positive I do, ever, but for the record, I don't leave clothes on the bathroom floor anymore. I work all day (longer hours than you) and find time to make you dinner more often then I used to. I turn the toilet paper over. I don't leave seltzer bottles laying around all over the place. I put the laundry away as soon as it is washed. All the things that used to bother you so much. I am trying.

In the meantime, you have yet to call an exterminator for the butterfly sanctuary we have living in our kitchen. The dishes from the scallops and zuchinni blossoms I made a fucking week ago are still in the sink. Your shit is spread out all over the bed and the floor in the guest room. Garbage is one of your only chores and there are pizza boxes that have been sitting on the dining room table for weeks.

The difference between you and me, however, is that I don't judge you for these trespasses, I realie that you are busy and shit will get done when it's done ,but you constantly shit on me for not changing or cleaning and I am doing both. I am becoming a better wife every day and what I get from you is lies, betrayal, crulty and subterfuge.

You have a mean heart. Clearly your mama didn't love you enough. I thought I was going to be the one person who Could love you enough (because I do, I love you so much), but the reality of the situation is that you are a black hole and no one is ever going to love you enough.

This makes me sad. I love you so much. I really do. But you're so mean and impossible and you're always fucking with me and gaslighting me and I am always found wanting in your eyes and I am just so done. You don't like or respect me, you don't understand me, and you yourself admitted to having no patience or compassion for me. I have patience and compassion for you and I deserve to have that in a husband. I really do.

I know you, you think this is a test and you're not going to fight for me, you THINK you want to be done ,too, and that's fine, but the sad thing is you are never going to be loved like I love you ever again, and even if you did it wouldn't matter because you would find her wanting as well.

I just want to be happy. I had so mch pain in my life and I thought when I married you it was over but it just keeps getting harder and harder. I told you I couldn't have the ball-busting, setting me off, steppin' out bullshit anymore, I die a little every time you triumphantly march off self-righteous and proud, abandoning me in the car to deal with a mess that you helped create by not respecting the boundaries you promised you would.

I can't----I won't----take this anymore. You are incapable of change and you have broken my heart for the last time.


don't you dare send us a care package as a thank you for the care package we sent you.
YOU aer the sick one. you sent us suprize boxes for years for no reason other than joy.
your heart is so pure and good and I know giving is what you do the same as breathing, but please sweetie, let me, in my own weird & long distance way, care & coddle you in your time of need?
making plans for future boxes already~
love K

mr: please, could you at least pretend to be happy for me that I reunited w/ E?
or was your lethargy due to sleepiness, and was not in fact dread of 'here we go again?'
you know it's a big deal.

I get it.
(maybe more than I wanted though?)
ha ha.

E: please don't be a crazi psycho this time around.
formerly known as I

Your letter really hit home for me; it hurts to try so hard when it's never enough.

Please answer my breezy lil' myspace message. I'd love to know what happened last Wednesday, but as that's unlikely, I'd also be fine with completely ignoring it and moving on.
Dear CB,

Yes, I have a partner. Not a husband, not a boyfriend, and definitely not a fucking roommate. I know it doesn't fit with your Christian beliefs. It doesn't need to, you are only my partner in a school project. He is my partner in life. Just like your husband is your partner in life, though I'm sure you can't see that.

So when I refer to him as my partner, kindly do so as well. Don't passively aggressively refer to him as my "roommate or whatever." You wouldn't like it if I referred to your church as your "cult or whatever."


Tatiana, the last line was the best!


Dear self,

continue on! Keep on riding baby! You are doing well, congratulations!


Dear body piercing,

please heal, I'm sick of walking with a waddle, and I'd like to do some cardio soon!


Scicole, I think I forgive you. It definitely feels sometimes as though I have. I'm not sure I'm going to forget but I do forgive. I know that on a deeper level it doesn't matter to you either way and strangely enough I respect that in you because I suspect you are there not thinking about it for even a moment and I am here writing about it in a goddamn forum post. I might as well have written this sentiment to you in piss on the beach at low tide. Oh well. Despite everything I always liked you very much, thought you were overly decent people and for the most part I enjoyed being around you.

Mather, I still don't know what happened but it's not as important as it used to be. I think you just got sandwiched between the other two. You're okay.

Yilysa, the way you try to manage people makes you look pedestrian. I just want you to know I saw you doing it the entire time and thought it was tacky. Oh, and you're 40, for chrissakes. Not 33. Everyone knows it. Don't you realize how that makes you look?

Jeanne, what happened, which essentially amounted to nothing much, is exactly what should have happened.

Rindi, I sort of feel bad in a way if you took our distance bitterly but, fuck! -- the drama. We didn't need it. You're not missed all that much which is a shame because had you done things differently, you would have been.

Salch, you're doing what? WHAT? Whatever. I hope it's what you're looking for.

Mann, in all honesty I'm not entirely sure why I said we'd meet you when you're in town. It's not something we particularly want to do.

Eun, I think you're a little fucked up. Sweet, cute, friendly and fucked up with a passively hostile mean streak. Good luck in NYC. I am positive you're going to accomplish exactly what you set out to.

As I look back over this post it settles in that our leaving is a healthy if not uncomfortable thing to do.

To the small handful of others I'd sort of been looking forward to seeing, well... maybe some other time if you're still around.

Listen you no good, shitstain, poor excuse for a father. IT SUCKS that I've been a better father to my niece than you have, it really and truly does. It sucks that I pick her up from school, that I know she loathes Chris Wilson and plots his demise daily, that she loves her history teacher and that I know his name, but YOU don't. It sucks that you've been in town since Sunday and though you haven't seen her for an entire year, you've failed to call her yet. Thank maude her mother knew better than to tell her you were here in town for work. She knew you would not fail to disappoint, yet again. FUCK YOU!

You know what else sucks big, hairy, donkey nuts? That you are about to marry a completely insecure asshole who despises your daughter. SHAME on you for pushing her out of your life because this supposed "psych major" douche is so threatened that you had a life before her. AND double shame that the two of you completely excluded your daughter from the entire preganacy of her new little sister. FUCK YOU BOTH for having a baby blog and never telling her, for not calling her when the baby was first born, for neglecting to send photos and for letting your daughter always hear any news secondhand from her grandmother.

How can it not occur to you that she is your CHILD? That she misses having her dad and that is quickly becoming bitter. She's twelve for chissakes! It breaks my heart when she says things like it's not worth it making new friends because they will eventually disappoint or leave. It sucks that she is now vocal about how she knows what a cockbadger you've always been, though we've always been careful never to disparage you in her presence. We've done our best to protect her, but there is only so much we can do. She knows you don't give a flying fuck about her life. And sadly, she really doesn't care about yours either. Except for her little sister, that is what breaks her heart. She feels so bad for that baby.

So if you are going to continue hurting her by showing just what an inconsiderate dickwad you really are, the very least you can do while you are here in town is take her out somewhere for a nice dinner and buy her the fucking iPod she wants more than anything. And not as a combo birthday/x-mas gift in goddamned September, just because she is your kid you asshat.

Please go and get a vasectomy so that you don't sire anymore poor children who have to grow up with YOU as a father... err, I mean DONOR. I already feel for poor little 'livers, having you as her daddy and that stupid, immature twat as a mommy. How any woman could despise the child of the father of her own child, for no good reason, is beyond me. What kind of woman is that? A heartless piece of trash.

FYI, your daughter did send fathers day and birthday cards. Perhaps you need to have a PO box so that you will actually receive your mail. I just think it's sort of an odd coincidence that neither of those cards made it to your address. *ahem*

Good luck with your upcoming nuptuals. May the two of you get all that you deserve.

You could have written that letter about my cousin 20 years ago, or my best friend 12 years ago. It breaks my heart so much to see that shit keep happening. But bear in mind, if your neice has great role models like you around to take care of her and support her and help her out, she'll be fine. My cousin and my best friend sure are. Hang in there, and don't let her see how angry you are.

PLEASE please please please dont' fuck this up. We've worked really hard to reconcile, and I've missed you so much, but I'm terrified it's going to be "here we go again" time. You've assured me you're a better person, but I don't know. Please bear with me while I hold back and try to figure out if you're going to be any different this time around.

I see that somethings never change.

I think in some strange way I have fallen in love with you.
hey co-irker-
what the fuck dude? seriously, what. the. fuck?! how hard is it to say "your stuff was in an area i needed to use, so i moved it over here."? why stand there and lie to my face, saying you haven't seen my paperwork, didn't touch it, had nothing to do with it, and make me go looking all over the lab for my shit when it would have been so much easier to tell me where you'd moved it, and give your usual mommy shtick complaining about the work area being messy and things not being put away where they're supposed to? oh, but wait, you couldn't. cause the paperwork was sitting by the computer waiting to be entered, while i ran downstairs for less than ten minutes to do my final check, exactly where anyone else in my situation would have left it. but you with your stupid fucking control freak tendencies that can't stand to see anything but a blank perfect slate when you walk in the door decided to take matters into your own hands as usual. but then to lie about it on top of that, that was just fucking stupid, and there was no reason for it. what'd you think i was going to do? something other than the usual "okay, yeah, sorry" and rolling my eyes behind your back? for fuck's sake, you're, well i don't know how old, but definitely older than me and old enough to man up, so to speak, and say "i did this". i am so fucking disgusted and irritated with you right now, it's not even funny. hopefully i won't have to see you tonight, and hopefully you didn't do something stupid like go whining to the boss lady. if i do get called to the mat when i get in today, you'd best believe that i've got all my ducks in a row and am absolutely positive that it was you who did this, or i wouldn't have left the note on the board. j and p were both downstairs in their department at the time, and have never, ever, moved my things or complained that two sheets of paper set off well to the side were in the way or making the lab look messy. you're the only other person who was in that lab in the 6 minutes between me leaving it and coming right back, and you're the only person that has a history of doing something this fucking petty. i don't even care that you moved my shit. i would have sat quietly through another lecture on how we need to keep things neat in the lab, i would have written "i will not leave paperwork that needs to be entered into the computer actually by the computer" one hundred times on the whiteboard, i would have just taken it on the chin and bitched about it later. but the fact that you had to compound it by lying to me, and make me spend an extra 30 minutes tearing the lab apart looking for my paperwork and my charger when i was tired and cranky and so ready to go home, that pisses me off. i don't even want the fucking overtime, i want those 30 fucking minutes back. i want back the sleepless night i spent tossing and turning wondering why my coworker would disrespect me enough to lie to my face, and about something so stupid and petty. i want you to realize that your little passive-aggressive games are not going to make me suddenly go "oh, i'm leaving the room for two minutes to piss, better make sure every scrap of evidence that i was here working for the last 11 hours is out of sight lest someone come in and decry the mess". grow up. just grow the fuck up.
Dear N,

get over it. If I decide to fuck him, that's my business. I don't need this behaviour from a "friend". I dealt with this for six years. If you are controlling like this as a friend, I hate to think what it would be like for any sort of romantic involvement. You either accept me, unequvically and without question, for who I am, or I will end this right now. I no longer care if you aren't in my life. Get over it.


Dear Asshole Insurance Company,
Yes, I saw sicko. I saw how you guys cheat people out of their well earned health coverage. But I really didn't think it would happen to me. Nope. Just.Pay.The.Damn.Bill. It's not that much money to a big profit hoarding company like yourselves. But to me, a student, it's a hell of a lot. It's food for the next 3 months. I mean, come on! You told me you would pay this months and months ago, but now I get a call from collections?! Um, not cool. I am so tired of this bulllshit. And now you guys are looking for reasons to no longer cover me. You know, when I picked a hospital, I picked the closest one... not one on your stupid plan. And BTW, there isn't one on your plan within 20 miles. Wow, health care is awesome. So, I repeat, pay the bill.

Dear Sutter Hospital,
It is no wonder that you are going bankrupt. That was absolutely the worse service I have ever had. I've been better addressed at a Gas Station then what you did for me. You put me in a room for 6 hours.. no food, no water. While you ran two tests. And in the end, you couldn't help me. Nope, just gave me some vicadin and sent me home. And now you want $1300 for you 'services'? Give me a break!
*psst, themeiu! As someone who works in a doctor's office, I know that if it's been months since your insurance company said they were going to pay for something and they haven't yet, you may want to call your state's insurance regulatory most states, they have to pay you interest after a certain point. You should definitely look into that!
Ohhhh wow. Thanks for the insider tip pollystrene... will definately follow up.
Dear supposed future boyfriend,
Why, why why, oh WHY have you not called me back? We have everything in common...both of us smart, dorky, leftist, classical musicians; love performing, classical music, indie rock, French, dancing, being emotional yet simultaneously rational. Why, now that you know I'm NOT leaving the country after all? Am I really such a moron that none of the vibes I got when we've talked are real? Am I really so ugly and stupid that you don't want me in the slightest--just like my "friend" whom I pursued sophomore year (the one who people said "definitely liked me" and that we "looked so happy together")? --The one who RIPPED my heart to shreds right before my statistics final and led me to give up guys more than 5'10, and dating in general, for the sake of my sanity and GPA?
Why do I even try to get guys to like me anymore--the truth is that I usually don't, but meeting you feels like I've met my other self. The risk-benefit analysis seemed to say that it would be worth it, even if it was a long shot. How dare you come up to me all shy and sweet the other night and tell me that it would be "fantastic" if I tutored you in the subject that was my major?
I'm so tired of pinning my hopes on dreams that never materialize, guys who ignore me, and obsessions that don't wane but rather disintegrate into disappointment and depression.

Come on, I know you're an over-achiever, but are you that busy that you can't even call to schedule a time for me to come over, like maybe on a weekend-day, for an hour or two? Or maybe I blew everything when I gave you mix cd, a rather forward overture normally reserved for people who are already dating. We ARE both people who live and breathe music, but maybe that screamed NEEDY, CONTROLLING, DRAMATIC, IMMATURE, or one of the other things I've been called in my worser moments.
I thought maybe this time would be different, that someone might finally think I'm worth getting to know, but it appears I've just made another pathological mistake, typical of the psycho I am. Well, I'm not going to stalk you anymore. It hurts to give up, but I *have* learned, at least, that that is the only thing left for me to do.

Good-bye. Say hi to your mom for me.
Dear J -
Sorry that I have been so bitchy to you lately. I don't mean to be. But I am tired of putting on a happy face whenever everyone around me seems to be getting what I want and I am getting nothing.
You came to my city and it seems like men are falling out of the sky to love you. It is not that you don't deserve it, you do. It's just that I deserve it to. And I never get it. Guys barely notice me. You, they can't get enough of.
I try to say this to you but I don't want it to become a "Oh woe is me" session. And it's not like you really get it anyway. You've never been alone like I have been. As soon as you stared reaching for what you want, BOOM, it was there. I know you hate it when I say that it seems like things come easy to you but they do. Especially when it comes to love. The only problem that you seem to have with it is that you don't want it.
I know, everyone tells me that these things happen when you don't look for it. So tell me how to turn it off. Tell me how to stop looking for love and wanting to be held and told that I am pretty and cherished. God I wish I could stop looking. I wish I could be happy just making out with strangers at bars like you seem to love to do. But it doesn't make me happy. And when you encourage me to do it and I don't, I just feel like I am letting you down. And I already feel like I let down my religion and my politics with my lack of a sex life. I can't handle letting you down too.
These days I feel unloved and unloveable. I am touch deprived to the point of insanity and I just feel like there has to be something wrong with me that I can't see but that everyone else can. Something that actually makes me ugly to the world.
So, I am sorry. I want to be happy that you and the boy seem to be really getting tight despite that fact that you were not even looking for it. But I can't always see past my jelousy. I'll work on it.
Dear roomate -

I really love living here and I really don't want to move. I know that your co-owner is trying to sell the other half of the place, but I didn't expect someone to be interested in the place this soon. I really hope you don't sell the place. If I'd been here longer and knew for sure I wanted to stay in this city long term, I'd talk to you about buying out your current co-owner, but that's a big move seeing as I literally JUST moved here, and I don't know that I am prepared to commit to that. Shit. I know this friend of yours who wants to buy in just came out of the blue, but fuck. I really really hope that you don't sell it. That they decide not to do it. I don't wanna go. Not now.

your roommate.
Dear JD,
I am glad you liked the cd. I guess that the shit that has gone down in the past doesn't really matter now that you are at the end. It doesnt matter if the family member we met in the hospital room was your abuser because you aren't gonna be around for much longer. I want to enjoy your company while I still can. I love how you saw my giant purse and said " champagne" you are still the wonderful woman I love. I can't help but feel like I failed you. Maybe I should have told you to get a loop excision, or keep your job so you would still have health insurance. Maybe if I had said something you wouldn't be where you are now. but here we are. I love you. I love your music, your art, your hair and you. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend to you.

QUOTE(doodlebug @ Sep 27 2007, 04:10 AM) *
BUT, one of the things that's been made clear to me, amongst the ongoing accord and discord in the Lounge, is that struggling to always "get along," regardless of context or behaviour, is as big a dysfunction in human relationships as any other dysfunction. Forced supportiveness, forced politeness, or even forced neutrality, can cover up a whole host of larger problems, and can easily be mis-used as a form of silencing in itself.

I couldn't agree more!

Goodbye BUST sad.gif

It was nice while it lasted!
get it together please.
you are only making this much much harder on both yourself, your mr & your not so wee girlchild, not to mention freckle dog & cat too!

you know that in a few days time, ok a few weeks maybe, you'll be ok and re adjusted back to the lonliness. - isn't this the other shoe you've been waiting to drop sinse he returned the last time?
what you've been holding your breath and waiting for all along?
it's not as if you didn't know it was coming,
now pull up those knickers, wipe the mascara from under your eyes and get back to and on with being the unsinkable Bette' he knows you to be.

this weakness, while allowable in the temporariest of senses, is not-who-you-are.

sunshine & ponies,
Dear work day,

Can you just BE THE FUCK OVER!?!?!?!?

That is all.


I don't understand this new thing of yours....where when I'm winning an argument you storm out. You say, "it's better than punching you".

Oh, yes, I'm pretty happy that you'll leave rather than punching me.


We used to be able to talk about things like this without you taking things personally. Why am I such a threat now?

I just hate it when you just plain, say something like, "you're talking crazy now, I can't talk to you" and you storm out.

This is uncharacteristic.

And I wish I weren't so damned dependent on you, cause I'd tell you to go fuck yourself.
Dear you:

What is your problem with me? Have I offended you? I hate the snotty way, you respond to things I say. Screw off!!


Dear so and so:

I am sorry. That's all.

Dear Pot,

Hi! It's me, Kettle! Seems so long since we've really talked because, ya know, we've got soooooooo much in common.

But seriously now, Pot. It annoys the shit out of me when you coyingly accuse me of some petty, tiny little thing that you are JUST AS GUILTY of yourself. Get your own shit together and then maybe you'll have a pedestal to stand on, but right now we are even. So stop with the high-&-mighty attitude.

Don't make me kick you in the shins.

Sincerely (annoyed),
Hey, you: Me,

I love the way that you kick ass and take names after the fact.

QUOTE(rudderlesschild @ Sep 28 2007, 04:09 PM) *
Freckle -

I feel ya. Beeps is leaving again shortly (for the last time ever, thank heaven) and I'm barely holding it together. Take care of yourself, and remember the small "having the bed all to myself" graces.


I really appreciate your response.
I was literally a basket case the last few days he was home.. but told him that as soon as it happened, I'd probly be fine, not entirely meaning it but have actually found it to be suprizingly true.
the buildup to it is so much worse in some ways.. the ticking of the clock as it winds down.. makes you question a whole lot of everything in your belief system that you'd repeatedly (#3) go through this.

am a bit anxious to hear from him to know he has arrived safely, but also know realistically it's still early to get a call and am ok accepting it. (does that make sense to you? your Beeps will be on a Float- yes?)
our dog is another story.. perched at the door mournfully; that chokes me up; my "2 boys" are virtually inseperable and he doesn't understand at all. sad.gif
but yes- here's 2 freedom, democracy, and getting the big bed all to ourselves for awhile ~

hugs & thanks,
dear potential employer -

will you please call me back?

I appreciate that you are probably very busy, but when I got your email nearly two weeks ago telling me you'd love to have me on board and asking to speak with me about my plans, I thought you'd respond fairly promptly when I replied that I could be reached via phone any time.

Having not heard anything, I called you last week. Your assistant told me you asked if you could call me back in 10 minutes. that was 5 days ago and still you have not contacted me.

I am confused by this lack of communication, because you were the one who contacted me first, and I would think that clearly my attempts to contact you via email and subsequently, phone call, would indicate my interest.

So please contact me. I really want to work for you.

thank you
today you are promoted.
more money, a bit more respect, and finally recognition for a job you've already been doing for some time.
when I married you 15.3/4th's years ago, you were so young.. so innocent.. so sweet... I took care of All of that in short order ey? tongue.gif
my little Private, now a MSG, I could not be any prouder of the soldier,husband,father, MAN you have grown into.

I trust that you are ok.
I will put my faith in all things and powers of good in the universe that you will remain so till you are back home with us that completes our family.

you are so loved, which I know you know, and know I wish I was there to pin & punch you in the best tradition of the life we live.

with loving, lonesome pride,
dear freckleface7 -

congratulations. I know that it's a lifestyle, and this promotion is as much yours as it is his.


dear you -

where the fuck did you go?


Dear J -
I get it now. You treat me just like you treat everyone else. You don't think I am damaged or broken at all. I don't know if I resent that in some way or if I would resent it if that was not the case. I think the latter. I am glad that you don't treat me different. Sometimes I just get to treat myself that way.
[quote name='zoya' date='Oct 1 2007, 06:23 PM' post='171642']
dear freckleface7 -

congratulations. I know that it's a lifestyle, and this promotion is as much yours as it is his.


thank you.

to everyone:
I know there are a lot of anti-war busties here, and so hope I do not offend anyone w/ what I have written here lately.

with apologies & luv,
((freckle & family)) anti-war or not, I'm pretty sure everyone here supports the troops (and not just with a magnetic ribbon on our cars) so please don't feel bad about talking about your husband. We just want everyone to come home safely ASAP!
(((freckle & fam)))
I second what polly said. Supporting the troops and supporting the war are two entirely different animals.

I think I might have actual honest-to-maude feelings for you beyond the obvious stupid crush. But I'll keep that to myself, as it would probably kinda freak you out!
the so-not-smooth one

Extended family gals-
If I go to NYC with you, please don't be upset if I ditch you for one night--it would suck to be there and not get to see certain friends!

Freckle, I totally agree with Polly and llamas.

Dear P,

I don't think it's good for me to have you in my life at all. You have been good to me, but I'm reevaluting if we should maintain this friendship. It's nothing against you, seriously. It's all about me.

dear you -

wtf? you are showing yourself to be such a fucking pussy. jesus.

seriously, I don't fucking get it.

Dear Self,

Why are you settling for less? When did you become a sell out? Damn girl. Smarten up!

I'll support Mr. Freckle in his promotion.
i just don't understand you, and i resent how you make me feel, but most of all, i resent the fact that i can't TELL you how i feel! i wish you'd just get out of my head and i can be done with it.

Way to look a gift horse in the mouth. You aggravate me and most of the other people here in the building. I'm offering a FREE used condensing unit (only one year old) and installation for...oh, 1200 bucks cheaper than the fly-by-night heating and air company you want to hire.

You have the gall to ask me if I am qualified? I have TWO nationally recognized certifications in this field. I have a state of wisconsin certificate of completion/journeyman status in this field. And if I went into my storage locker I could pull out a copy of MY. JOB. DESCRIPTION. Installing, servicing, and maintaining heating, air conditioning equipment.

Oh, and it's the STATE OF WISCONSIN that hired me!

If not AS qualified as that fly-by-night heating and air company....I'm MORE qualified.

If I'd pass the background check, I could install this unit at the WHITE HOUSE. But, I've gone to a couple anti-war protests, soo.....

You really have the utter GALL to presume that I don't have the best interests of this building at heart? I have the same interests as you...actually to a larger extent because I OWN MORE OF THE BUILDING THAN YOU DO!

Thank you for the apology. It meant a lot to me. smile.gif
Dear Karma,

You're such a bitch. I hope I never get on your bad side. Love what you do to former asshole bosses though.

Dear Roommate,

Why do you have to live in the clouds, unaware of the real world? You are too nice to people, and completely unreasonable. You won't stand up to people if provoked, and complain constantly about having no money, yet shy away from doing any actual work. You don't pay bills on time, ruining my credit rating, and basically just drive me insane. You're my good friend, but you drive me absolutely insane.

remember that ex bff is ex for a Reason. (hello she's CRAZY !!!)

keep perspective.
today is not just about she & you, but about frecklette & her girl too; you do Not want frecklette hurt by this easily-swings into delusion- woman.

too late to back out now, so chin up & keep it close to your vest.
and stop getting yourself into these stupid situations in the first place dumbkauff. mad.gif

salamanders that keep invading my home:
please stop.
yes I think you're cute, but not enough to get close enough to you to catch & release you outside.
I'm sure you're doing a good job on the creepy crawly control <shiver> but really,
goooooo toooooward thhhhe l i i i i ight.
ok ha ha funny I get it.
2 weeks into it and you decided to fool me by letting me think it was going to be different this time.
lulling me into a false sense of security.

but let -me- tell- You -- I will not be put off by this.
the problems w/ the a/c & the dash lights in my car.
the geckos in my house.
the 2 spiders <shudder> And the gecko I nearly stepped on barefoot this morning.

if this is what you're throwing at me ( & as the 2nd part was all in the last 15 minutes now) then Batter UP!!

kicking ass & taking names,

Dear My Life,

Look, I'm trying to be positive here. I'm working hard and well and not even turning to crap food or copious amounts of red wine to deal with the stress. After this shitastic summer can you please, please throw me a bone already? Tell me my future isn't bartending and writing a novel in deepest alaska, because I've about had it with here and am sorely tempted to up sticks already.

I'm trying to keep the faith. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm trying not to take out my utter frustration and fear on the mister or my family, but this leaves me with no-one to talk to about how I feel, for months, because I gotta keep up that positive front dontcha know.

Fuck it already. I am doing my best, I'm not asking for a handout here. I will (and am) deliver/ing.


Dear you entitled, lazy assholes,

I worked hard on this and it's the result of years of first class education and experience. You have problems cause everything's not online? Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

dear universe -

wow. wtf are you trying to tell me here? obviously you really don't want it to happen - because that news is seriously about the last thing I would have expected. You just keep making things that should be easy with this, hard, which leads me to believe you're really trying to tell me something. I don't get it, but you're making it painfully obvious. I'm still not happy at all about how you've set things out, anywhere along the way, but I can't do anything about it. This news is of such magnitude that it's like you're saying 'look, I'm going really put it in front of your face now so there is no denying how things are going to be." So I give up. I get it. fucking sucks but I will have to learn to live with it. Will you please throw me a bone at some point?


dear zoya -

I know that you don't really feel this right now, but look at you. you're pretty, you're intelligent, you're funny, you have a great career, etc etc. I know you're in a depressed state right now, but please remember that you are a great person, just as worthy of notice and love as any of the people you're comparing yourself with. I know it's hard to stop comparing yourself to other people, but honestly, probably those people would look at you and think you're great - if not amazing. I don't know why you've been sliding back into that 'less than' feeling the last few weeks. Part of it is probably chemical. Part of it is stuff that's going on. But don't forget, no matter how shitty or inferior you're feeling, please try to remember it's not true. you really are a great person. it's just hard right now.

(((((((((sybarite)))))))) ((((((((zoya)))))))

I know. and I'm SORRY!!
why I am torturing you like this I am trying to keep in focus, but sinse I know that doesn't mean jack to you, I'm gonna pop some more motrin and then feed you a biiiig bowl of frosted flakes.
- how about that?
a good solid sugar rush to compensate for the misery of the workouts the last 2 days?
and then you can Stop Hurting.
and then tomorrow night, we'll get a big ole' *pizza*, but uh, After we go back thru that horrible body pump class again first. (I'm sorry, didn't I already say that here? )
you've given me a new appreciation for my former flex & mobility~
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