May 7 2006, 08:05 PM
Dear Mom and Dad,
What happened today was way out of line. You have done some serious damage to our relationships. Mom, how many times do I have to hear I'm a failure in your eyes? How much of that can I take? And now you've threatened to kill me. And then Dad says he'll go get the knife - wtf is up with that. Is it any wonder I have no self-esteem and self-worth. You guys want me dead, yet you have "love" for me. Well you have a fucked-up way of showing it. If that's love than I don't want any part of it. Dad you beat the shit of me today - and I'm about to turn 22, why would you do something like that? Do you guys really just hate me...what did I do wrong? Seriously. I fear for my life coming over to your house, being in y'all's presence. We are not a family. You have made me lose even more faith in the things I thought I believed in.
May 8 2006, 06:41 AM
ex boss & museum I once worked at:
and More HA!!
you thought I was so awful?
thought I was such a screw up in the face of all the things you never taught me but expected me to know anyway?
yah well, the 1st person you replaced me w/ Embezzled From You.
the second after that?
and after That?
and now I see the advertisement in the paper yet Again?
hey sandy maybe I was right after all about the mgr not having the greatest of "management styles" w/ all the sick head games she plays and her own interpersonal relationship non-team-building-issues.
am I bitter? yes to some extent, bc I really loved that place and had no intention of staying in the store but had plans to move into marketing anyway, but wasn't given the chance when you forced me out.
batty ole crow-face biatch, I will continue to flip you off whenever I have the unfortunate cooincidence to see you.
with Much love,
I finally called you last night ( to cancel your uninvited trip here anyway) and you didn't pick up.
that you were screening is apparent, otherwise you would have called back.
but that's o k bc I will keep calling and keep calling til eventually you do pick up, and every time you don't, it makes it that much easier to dial you again. only reinforces why I don't need you in my life right now, family or not.
house & yard-
I'm so sorry now for having neglected you so much the first 3 years we lived here. all this hard work in the front, even in the de-construction phase, is already showing amazing possibilities and aren't you looking lovelier already?
May 8 2006, 02:19 PM
Dear tit, and attatched pierced Nipple,
You look fuckin' great! It was worth the pain was it not? Super.
May 8 2006, 02:24 PM
I am writing you because my life has fallen apart and I don't know quite how to pick up the pieces and go on. My father beat the shit out of me, my mother wants me dead. I have failed out of school. No one wants to comfort me or hold me. R, won't return my calls even though I'm leaving in less than a week. My grades are really shitty, guess I have finally proven that I'm not start, but in reality completely stupid and dumb. I'm shaking because I want to cry, but have no one to hear my tears. I'm afraid of my parents. The medicine makes me drowsy and unable to function. It's not helping though the doctor thinks it's the best for my impulse control. Everyone else gets better grades than me, even though I try...guess my best isn't good enough. My "boyfriend" doesn't want to spend time with me, he says he needs his space, does he not realize I'm leaving in less than a week and will be gone for a month. I'm trying really hard to put my faith in you, but I'm scared and afraid and still a little mad. If I put my faith in you will you fail me again? I wonder.
May 8 2006, 02:31 PM
May 8 2006, 02:56 PM
If I were near you, I would let you cry on my shoulder and give you a place to stay. I wish I could help.
May 8 2006, 03:24 PM
Me too. (((((bohemiax)))))
May 8 2006, 08:41 PM
i know you were pissy because you had to sit out in the car and wait for 23 minutes longer than you'd expected to, but unfortunately i was unable to predict that my yoga class would run 23 minutes late. so, i'm sorry, and i know you're sick and grumpy and i really appreciate you coming to pick me up, but was it really necessary to act like such an ass? cut me some slack, alright?
the last few weeks have not been much fun. i realize that none of it is personal and the world doesn't revolve around me, but i can't help but feel like maybe i've been struck with a curse. could ya just let up a little bit, purdy please with sprinkles and a cherry on top? that would be real swell. i could really use something to look forward to right now.
May 9 2006, 08:53 AM
I will not be calling you today to hang out. I don't enjoy your company and I don't know how to tell you that. When we hang out you give me unsolicited advice about how I should be/act/feel. I don't want your advice. Everything is always about what you want, never about what I want. I didn't want to stay an extra 15 minutes with you especially after you made the comment, "you should have a cigarette put out in your eye." You think you're funny, you think you're cool, but in reality you're not. I don't like you anymore. I will not call you.
I'm not going to respond to your text message as you are so wrapped up in her that you forget other people exist unless you need something from them. I've been used enough for a few lifetimes, I'm not going to be used by you. So don't expect to hear from me, you won't get a goodbye.
I'm not going to respond to your call. I have more than enough shit going on in my life I don't need the dissapointment of you. Evidently we are not close friends as you can't even tell me about your fucking new job. Well to be honest I don't care. I don't care what you do, when you do it, etc. I just don't care anymore. You told me not to get to this point, well guess what - I'm here. I refuse to tell you what's going on in my life if you're not going to tell me what's going on in yours. Forget it you are not worthy of my energy/breath/time/spirit.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I keep crying. I keep replaying the whole scene in my head. You think money will make up for what you've done, but money can't buy forgiveness and love. It will be a long time before I forgive you. Quite trying to say sorry, it's not working.
Dear Dr. B,
I've decided I don't like you. On Thursday I will tell you I've decided not to seek your help anymore. I don't like the way you act to me and try to be all in my business. I don't have the answers to everything. I fucking despise the medicine you've put me on. I can't function on it. I've decided I'm not going to take the medicine anymore. I will still take the other medicine though because it is helpful. This new is a fucking crock of shit. Damn you for putting me on it during finals.
Dear Above mentioned people,
I'm kicking you out of my life. All you people do is bring me down. Good riddance.
Please remember to take care of yourself. Put your needs/wants/desires ahead of others. You need to do that. Take care of yourself and I love you.
May 9 2006, 09:30 AM
I am so close to telling you how I really feel. But I can't. I can't do that to you. And I am not ready to deal with your reaction if I did. So I'm re-enforcing my internal wall to keep the flood at bay. I've peaked over that wall and I know what's on the other side. You've only seen a bit of what is there and you couldn't handle it so it's best if it just stays there.
I am not used to this. I have always been the one who was in control with these things. I was the one who was cold hearted and business like at the end. Even when JB cheated on me all those years ago I got up and brushed myself off faster then this. This on the other hand has knocked me on my ass. I have always prided myself on being able to remain apart from the emotional side of things and being able to walk away without a care. But for the first time in my life I can't. And part of me doesn't want to.
Dear D and V,
From here on I won't talk about it with you guys. It's old news. You guys don't need it anymore. I understand that.
Get over it! It lasted 2 weeks! and that was months ago.
May 9 2006, 01:03 PM
Dear Physiology & Pharmacology Lecturer
I don't care what drugs you've developed and I don't care about magic mushrooms. You lectures were dreadful, and I'm only just starting to realise that your slides are even worse than I previously thought. You're the worst lecturer I've had, and I have no idea why they chose to employ you.
pissed-off first year
Back off & shut up. Please. I didn't tell you until now because I knew how you'd react. I appreciate that you're trying to be supportive, but you really don't need to provide anything. In fact, you're not involved at all.
May 9 2006, 04:26 PM
what on EARTH are you THINKING??????? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY would you even CONSIDER getting back with that psychotic bitch?!!
May 9 2006, 04:40 PM
You stupid, attention-seeking bitch. Did you even bother reading the show schedule? Did you see the part that CLEARLY stated I was to be on stage during the two band sets?
I don't give a fuck what other go-go's at what other clubs you've organized. The only reason J. gave you the job was because he wants to fuck you.
I left early because I was so mad. I'm still fuming.
May 9 2006, 05:12 PM
Why don't you just cut yourself some slack? Yes, you made an error at work, but it was not that significant, and you did what you thought was right at the time. You need to stop stressing about every little thing that does not go right at work. Maybe you need to get more of a life so you can leave the office at the office.
Hold your head up high, and give yourself a little credit. And if they want to get angry about this mistake, let them. You are good at what you do so stop focussing on every little negative thing that happens!
Dear little sister,
You are pregnant, and I really am happy for you because it sounds like you have decided this is what you want. I worry that you are not at all ready for this. Do you have any freaking idea how much work a baby is? Do you have any idea how you will support a baby when you have no job, no vehicle, no home (other than sharing a 1-bedroom apartment with mom),and no partner?
Yes, I talked often about being a single mother by choice myself, but I was talking about having a child in my 30's, and after years of preparation. I was talking about becoming a mom after working in my career for nearly 10 years and having the money and resources to have a child on my own. Please do not think you can depend on mom for everything. You know that is not fair to her. Prove to yourself that you can grow up and do this without being a baby yourself.
I love you and am so worried about you.
May 10 2006, 03:04 AM
Dear you -
I did not say this when we talked, because I know that things are done and with you that does not change. But I am really fucking pissed that those two times that I freaked out were the basis for you deciding that this was not the right thing. That it was not easy enough for you. Don't you think that the me that you know should transcend a couple of incidents. Yeah, I was off my nut those two times, and I can see how you might go "oh I don't wanna deal with someone like that" but christ. I also thought you knew me better than that and would cut me some slack. I've been hard enough on myself about those freak outs than anyone could possibly be.
I will continue to beat myself up for awhile, because I am not proud of those moments. They were definitely an eye opener for me as to an area of myself that I need to work on. And I will also somehow have to come to terms with the fact that had I listened to my inner voice which said "everything is ok, don't freak out, just wait a little longer to see how things unfold" and not pushed it, everything would probably have been fine. or at least probably still going along in a good direction.
I know we'll be friends. But I am just so fucking mad that you could not push through that and give me - give us - more of a chance.
in the big picture, what is a couple of freak outs? nothin. Especially since everything had been so easy up until then. I am just someone who pushes through things and sees how they turn out. I don't make snap decisions like that.
I don't know whether to be pissed or sad.
I miss you and I think you are an idiot for not stepping up.
yeah we'll be friends. But you've made it pretty clear that we won't be friends in the same way we were before this, and I'm bummed. And I'm bummed things didn't work out in the romantic area because I said something a couple of times that I am ashamed of, and you could not cut me slack for it.
I get it, but I think that it's dumb. But I did not tell you that, because it won't change anything. So what's the point?
damn fucking love or what the fuck ever it is.
May 10 2006, 07:13 AM
Give it up. Quit beating yourself up because life isn't perfect and do what you can instead. Sure you've got a lot to do in the next eighteen days, but there's plenty of time to get it all done if you'll just quit stressing and get busy. Yes, being at work is hard. The job is boring, the idiots drain you, and the continual promises of improvement ring hollow after a year. So why not tune all that out by looking forward to what you can do when you get home instead of letting the time you spend at work suck away all your energy? The job doesn't have to be that bad. Deal with it and move on. Do the work so you can fuck around with a clear conscience. Then at the end of the day, come home, love on your son, and bust your butt getting all the important things done so the move will go smoothly. This doesn't have to be horribly hard. You just need to let the work stress go, and then the home stuff will be cake.
Trying to love you,
May 10 2006, 08:09 AM
You can do better than someone who can only offer conditional love. Anyone who loves you wholeheartedly will take *all* of you on board. My 2 cents.
Dear Secrets thread,
I'm glad you're there.
May 10 2006, 12:35 PM
make it okay.
i gotta be okay.
May 10 2006, 12:59 PM
Can you go a little faster..at least the hours I am at work? It feels so pointless to be working right now when my head is clearly on other things and I can't really begin anything new. After I print checks today i will just be shuffling paper to look busy until Friday.
Last month you played a dirty trick...one day, but pure hell...Well, I am goign to be on a ship that day and able to curl up into a ball for a straight 24 hours ..and Mr.P is goign to pick up some Midol...so bring it on! I'd rather 1 day than 3.
May 10 2006, 02:37 PM
despite the alcohol-induced camraderie the other night, and the alcohol-induced apology, i still don't forgive you (because i don't do that), but at least i'll acknowledge you now. oh, and that thing about getting married at 35 if we're not? not gonna happen. you're fun and witty with me, but you're a pretentious COCK to everyone, personally and professionally, and i would tire of having to defend your ass to everyone, because i've yet to meet someone that can honestly say you're a good person. money doesn't buy humanity.
May 10 2006, 06:50 PM
dear you -
as the day goes on today, I don't even know if I want to be friends with you. Its sad. I will always ask myself "what the fuck" because we had such a good shot.
sometimes I do feel like this was all a big fat fucking cosmic joke that the universe was playing. And I am pissed.
oh who the fuck knows.
dear sybarite -
thanks. I'm pissed. But I'm also devastated. You know the story from the beginning last fall from that other thread.
but thank you so much for your letter and love
May 10 2006, 10:23 PM
Tonight I really wanted to call you...but I didn't. I didn't run to you when my parents did the horrible thing they did to me on Sunday. It has been 2 full days since you called and I have not returned your call. And I know I'm not going to, no matter how weak I get. This summer is supposed to be about cleansing my body and soul. You are toxic, thus you must go. I wonder where you work now and if you like your new job. I wonder if you are happy. Like she said your call must not have been important because you haven't called back...I don't expect you to. You know I am leaving on Sunday for a month. I would at least think you'd like to say goodbye, but I know better. I want to tell you what my parents did to me and how they're trying to make up for it by buying me new things. They won't even write me a letter of apology. I want to tell you my mom still won't let me buy the things I like, I can only buy the things she likes, even if the item is for me. I want to tell you about R and how he is treating me. I want to tell you that the way R is treating me is the way you should have been treating me all along. I went past Target today and thought of you. There was a car that looked just like yours outside. I thought of you. So I shall write you letters here and in my head. I will think of you fondly as the years pass by and perhaps not so fondly as the years pass by.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I don't understand. You won't write me a letter of apology yet you'll buy me new things? Expensive things? As if it really makes up for what you did. Someone told me today that you guys really don't love me because a parent who loves their child would never threaten to kill them and beat the shit out of them, not matter how angry they were/are. I wonder if you feel guilty. I wonder if you still hate me. The person said it's no wonder I always end up in abusive relationships...look at the way my parents treat me. And it's true. Really honestly true. I used to wonder where I learned to be in abusive relationships...well you guys taught me that. You guys taught me I wasn't good enough for anyone. And then you get mad at me for being in abusive relationships? That doesn't make sense. To be honest all I really want is a letter of apology, but that seems to be too much to ask.
May 10 2006, 11:06 PM
i though we were friends, but the only friendship I get is when it's convenient for you. I am sick of it. You are self-centered. full of yourself and uncaring. You make a mockery of my choices as a woman. It has been too long. The respect is gone and I can't take the stress.
May 11 2006, 06:13 AM
You were in my dream last night. It was sort of pleasant except for the fact that I couldn't walk up the steps of the house.
I think someday I will forgive you but I will never TRUST you again. You broke that.
You continue to walk all over Mom. I resent this more than what you did to me.
I'm angry at Dad telling me to ask you for a favor. I have self respect. I don't think I can ever get in your car again. Especially because of who purchased it for you.
It hurts because I tried to love you unconditionally. I tried to forgive you for the past and now you go and pull this shit. I try to blame it on other people. But there is a pattern and you are the one causing it. I hate that we are related.
I will try and salvage good things that I got out of the past year. I will try and forget the bad and move on. It haunts me. You standing there with a knife. That not the first time you've done that to me. You did that when I was a kid too. And I forgave you. I just can't do it again.
You have taught me that females can be more abusive than males and that blood means nothing.
May 11 2006, 11:35 AM
I hate that you ruined my life with your venom, I hate myself even more for letting you. LEAVE MY OLDER KIDS ALONE! They don't need your constant criticism, you've broken their spirit.
I just wish you'd leave on your own!
May 11 2006, 03:00 PM
WAXL--Have a GREAT TOUR!! I mean it! If I knew you or anything I'd make you a big chocolate, taco, tequila cake with your name written on it. I am so serious.
May 11 2006, 06:25 PM
dear you -
how fucking weird. we just don't talk anymore. everything has dropped off. 100%
and you know what? I don't even want to talk to you.
how come Mr, who was such a pile to me last year, has turned out to step up to the plate somewhat (or at least own up) and you have turned out to be the one who ran? What a fucking role reversal.
mornings suck. I miss you then. But I am getting thru.
i'm sure I'm not even on your mind. If you can walk that easily, mr "I'm not the guy who goes away" guy, then I'm quite sure you don't even think about me.
and that sucks.
it was so not supposed to be like this. I never would have thought that you were this guy. I guess I should have seen it coming when you were mentioning how easy it was getting together with your ex, and how easy your job came at you, and how easy everything has been given to you that has been good in your life.
In my life, I have had to work for things. ultimately they have come easy. But that ease has been the product of a lot of hard work on myself or my profession prior to that. So I am used to wading through a little shit to get to the easy part. The good stuff. Hanging in there for what I know is good.
Why do you give up so easily?
May 11 2006, 07:13 PM
I feel bad because I don't feel guilty.
We both know it was shit. Like all the warmth had been sucked out.
Thank you for trying. But you know how I hate it when you try too hard. I could never go back to that now. Not after this week.
I'm sorry that I don't have an emotional response to your decision. I do however have an emotional response to you. I really hope we can still go to the festival together and sit in the sun and drink beer and be happy and laugh. I really hope it wasn't just about the physical side of things. I am a little doubtful.
I don't want you to come to conference, because I will feel responsible for you, and that's not something I can handle right now. Please don't come. It will kill me to see you sitting alone and not be able to make it better. I asked you to be my food-person in an attempt to put you off. I am afraid that you will decide to come and be my food-person and then I will have to deal with your loneliness because I won't be able to get away from you, and simultaneously won't be able to help.
I never meant for you to feel this way about me, but I can see how I encouraged you. You call it competitiveness. I call it attachment. My body calls it clingyness.
Don't hate me. But also don't make me responsible for how you're feeling. You choose to feel hurt. I don't blame you for anything. And I thank you for everything.
May 11 2006, 07:19 PM
Dear urinary tract,
Please don't get an infection. Please don't make me fly for 6 hours on Saturday in pure agony. Please. I can sense you coming, don't think I'm not on to you. You can rear your ugly head on Saturday afternoon once I'm home, but I'd prefer if you just left me alone altogether.
-The rest of my body
May 11 2006, 09:20 PM
dear dirty old mall men-
HOLY fucking GOD. how many of you are out there? how many times have i been walking the mall minding my own goddamn business when one of you jackasses has to approach me and give me some variation of "smile, it's not that bad/it could be worse/it's a nice day out/why the frown?"
am i supposed to walk around 24/7 looking like the fucking joker?
seriously, does this happen to anyone else?
May 11 2006, 10:41 PM
Please pardon the length and foul language of the following letter...
Dear Heather, Moira, Moe the Ho, whatever the fuck your name is,
Let me start out by saying that you are by far an UGLY as sin, stinky, scummy, skanky, chlamydia ridden, douchebag, whore. Yeah, that about covers it. But no, I am nowhere near done. WHY in the fuck do you conciously choose to do everything in your power to ruin the lives of people who continually do your NASTY ass favors? You can't pay your part of the rent or bills, AGAIN, but you can go to Vegas? You can get new tatoos? You can go to bars and spend all the rent money buying people drinks so you can convince them that you are not as scary as you seem so you can bring home a new stranger every night to screw in a bedroom accross the hall from a 2 year old? DO YOU HAVE ANY CLASS OR SENSE? Uh no, that is obvious. You remind me of a pus filled carbuncle. Yes, and that is putting it mildly. You really need to start washing your ass on a daily basis cause girl, you SMELL. Not just smell, you fucking REEK. And I always hesitate to point the finger when it comes to personal hygiene because I think it is a particularly low blow, but WHOA, your body odor is beyond offensive. ANd you have the nerve to run your HUGE fucking mouth concerning extremely painful memories of abuse from someone elses childhood, to make it seem like they are being abusive to a child they love dearly? What could you possiby gain from it? Oh, yeah perhaps they will be so busy trying to not have the child yanked away that they won't notice that yet again you've lied to their face and did not pay your share of the rent, or bills and yet you can find money for new clothes, trips, and to hang out in bars screwing anyone that will look your way. You just wait you fucking anal leision, yeah you wait. I'm sure the womens clothing store you work at a block from my house, the one which I frequent, yeah they'd like to know about your poor customer service, like telling me that everything in the store is atrocious and that you wouldn't be caught dead wearing any of it, and the fact that you like to hand out promo coupons to people even when you are not supposed to just to try to make nice for screwing around with the lives of people they love. You can't buy friends or people who actually care about you. See those people on your MySpace page, yeah well most of them have either screwed you, or are using you. Where are your real friends? Oh yeah, you don't really have any because you like to try to fuck their boyfriends or give their husbands blow jobs when ever you can catch them alone. Is that all you can do in life to make yourself feel better? And while we're on the subjet of your page, can you please learn to use an online dictionary? Spell check? Everyone has a few typos sometimes, we all make mistakes. But for chrissakes, your page is unreadable. Sole is a fish, or the bottom of a shoe. The word you are searching for is Soul. Look it up. And if you are going to lie to your roomates about why you can't pay rent, then at least think it through and be savvy enough let your "friends" know not post details about your Las Vegas excursion, seeing as one of the roomates frequently posts messages for you there. Oh and please stop passing aroud that diseased tuna boat you call a vagina and see a fucking doctor. Word has really begun to get aroud. Almost as much as you have. And for the record, I do not stand in judgement of any sane, responsible WOMAN in regards to the choices they make about their sexuality. I do however call a disease spreading, lying ass, trashy, theiving skank out when I see one. And WOW are you a supreme one. Make that a fucking AWESOME one. Oh and if you don't get your shit out of that home and walk the fuck away like you've been asked to, it's on bitch. Like mother fuckin' donkey kong.
FYI: I'm not from the 'burbs like you are bitch, so don't think I don't mean it.
P.S. if you are lucky, calmer heads will prevail and this will not end up posted on your MySpace page. But then again I'm not known for being exactly calm and rational these days.
May 11 2006, 10:57 PM
dear i dont know who,
i am sad. i wish i knew why. *sigh*
May 11 2006, 11:21 PM
WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?! Seriously. What the fuck. Although I'm sure we'll look back on this one day laugh our asses off, and I'm highly amused that you actually spent three days in jail, what the hell is the matter with you? You're supposed to get this type of shit out of your system when you're a teenager. I know that was only 3 years ago for you, but still. If I were mom and dad I would've left you there for being a idiot.
When I go home this weekend, please don't let me get pulled over while I'm driving to the beach (or anywhere for that matter). I really don't want to go to jail for not paying that speeding ticket. I'll pay it, I swear. It's just kinda hard to pay a massive amount when you don't have a job and they don't take credit card. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed on that job I've been eyeing. Just don't be mean and throw me in jail for laughing/yelling at my brother.
May 12 2006, 12:56 AM
what day is today?
my parts are all over.
I can't breathe, and my eyes hurt.
I have to do it myself.
but please, give me a sign before BUST completely changes or whatever. I don't stumble upon these parts too often anymore.
and watch out for Bohemiax. i've been shitty with the phone lately.
May 12 2006, 05:56 AM
I'm going to ask you out. Please say yes.
You need to get a hold on your mouth. These lessons about your spazself are coming fast and furious. I know you amuse yourself but practice dialing back. These thoughts and signals are coming from within and without. You really need to take some time and give some effort to monitoring yourself and being a little more purposeful with your interactions with others. I suggest more quiet time alone with your journal and some paint.
More listening - less talking
Read -Be Here Now- again. You are a little too far out of control. The word "effort" may be a little turd of a word but effort is an important element to growth. Make some choices, settle in and apply the turd word.
I love you. You've got a lot going for you but but but there is plenty of room for improvement and it is time to focus on some of those improvements. Your impulses are strong but you need to practice channeling your energies.
All the Best Wishes -
May 12 2006, 07:33 AM
not a letter per se....but anyone have some advice for what to do - my sister and i had an argument, and instead of dealing with me about it, my sister starts yelling at our mom....
May 12 2006, 01:06 PM
I really miss you. It hurts so much I try not to think about it. But Daniel had to remind me how much i loved you. Last night I got tears in my eyes thinking about it. You made me so happy. You made me look forward to getting up every morning and taking you for a walk. You made me feel like I wasn't alone in the world and that everything would be okay. Even though you were little you made me feel safe.
I'm crying writing this. I'm sure you probably don't even remember me now. I don't know where you will end up or what will happen. I'm sorry that I found you and convinced your current owner to get you. I thought I would be around longer to take care of you. I wish you belonged to me.
I hope you have a good life. I hope you are taken care of and get lots of love. I hope if you given away it's not to the pound. I enjoyed the brief time we had together and I cherished every moment. You are the best dog ever. I hope you are okay.
May 12 2006, 01:21 PM
i want to have fun tonight, please calm the butterflies and let me enjoy myself. no drama.
May 12 2006, 05:01 PM
Your efforts to control me are futile.
GIVE IT UP!
I'm a big girl and I take care of myself.
All your interference does is interfere and PISS ME OFF!
I don't tell you how to live your lives.
It bugs me when you tell me how to live mine.
That is all that matters.
Let me BE!
Please give me the strength of heart and peace of mind to accept them as they are and know they do what they do out of love and concern.
Help me to be generous and kind.
And above all, to love.
May 12 2006, 08:11 PM
Why I cannot get into hip mama is beyond me....It pisses me off.
I cannot believe we've been going for this long, two more weeks.I can feel you growing there's not much room, your fists look hillarious!
Dear baby's father,
You are a big loser, all of the judgements I made on other people, well I have experienced what it feels like to be cajouled manipulated and fucked over.I used to judge women for not wanting the babies daddies in there lives.Well whatever, if someone treats another person like shit during an entire pregnancy what do they expect?
You want to act like your a victim in this situation, your a slimy crazy freak incapable of having a relationship with any women, so just shut up, I'm not interested in any of your crazy warped talk.Please go jump off a bridge or something, your a waste of time.
I'm due in two weeks and I'm starting to get a little whacky, please don't let me do anything I'll regret, such as telling certain people how I feel about them.Wait 2 months to address anything of importance.
hang in there try not to lose it, your up and down tommorows another day, you've got a lot of shit to do.You've handled the situation beautifully and honey this is your best work yet!Yuo are going to be a birth goddess, your birth assistant and doula are right, you beam with power.You'll pass this birth thing with flying colors.
Dear other pregnant woman,
It's crazy to get to this point..hang in there sisters!
May 13 2006, 10:49 AM
get a grips and DO YOUR ASSIGNMENTS. YES NOW!
formerlycl: I don't know if you know, but there's an email address in your profile. Also, ((formerlycl))
May 13 2006, 02:38 PM
holy shit, thanks! wow thank you, that could have been disasterous.
May 13 2006, 03:22 PM
You can try to play all the games you want, but I will never do it unless it is at a good time and a good way and my way and all good for me. and if it doesn't happen, then it doesn't.
May 13 2006, 10:49 PM
This evening was fantastic for you and therefore for us. I am so thankful for the results of the night and the crossing of that bridge with your father.
I love you dearly, deeply and devilishly.
Your loving wife,
May 14 2006, 10:41 AM
Gosh, I am sick of you. Completely, utterly and unapologetically sick of you. I am sick of religions shoving their dogma down the throats of the unwilling. I am sick of the wealthy accumulating all the resources and kicking dirt into the faces of the poor. I am sick of mankind in general, and the women who support them. I am sick of waking up every day and wondering if the last ten years have just been a hellacious nightmare and I just woke up.
I am sick and tired and tired and sick of sanctimonious assholes getting in my face and screaming about our freedoms as they actively and steadily yank all of mine away. I am sick of the complacent zombies wandering around in their hipster attire and banana republic shopping bags and their ipods. I am sick of ipods. I am sick of being female in a culture that does everything in its power to make me feel devalued and worthless and ashamed and disgusting and suicidal for not living my life 20 lbs underweight. I am sick of the women who participate in that particular oppression, who couch their complicitness with sugary sayings and simpering and false friendships.
I want all the Republicans and all their allies to disappear. I don't care how. Go.the.fuck.away.
I am sick to death of people refusing to parent the children they birth. I am sick of 45 year old women suddenly realizing that ooops, maybe fertility DOES decrease after a certain age after all, who freak out and IVF themselves into quadruplets, when they could have adopted a child whom, while perhaps not as white as preferred, could still use a loving home. I am sick of people having two kids and then deciding at fifty that they need another baby, instead of maybe taking up an instrument or changing careers, and add yet one more resources-sucking American to the already-overburdened planet.
I am sick of hearing the Earth scream and how those deaf to her screams respond to her.
Sickened by SUVs and yuppies and television and media and fashion and divisions and classes. I am sick of women who actively participate in their own oppression, and sick of those who actively and willfully misunderstand others. I am sick of being labeled jealous when I express genuine concern.
Mostly, though, I am sick of and sickened by America. I want it all to stop, now.
May 14 2006, 02:13 PM
I am sorry I can't reach out to you. But really we both know if I did, you would just put up your defenses and push me away. I'll try to check in on you more often. I wish you knew you were better than the crap job you're working. But I'm here for you if you ever need me.
PS, please slow down on the drinking
May 14 2006, 02:46 PM
dear you -
May 14 2006, 04:55 PM
I fucking hate making decisions.
please let my grandmothers die with peace. And have them know I love them.
when do I get to relax?
May 14 2006, 05:56 PM
a brief letter to my friend. i introduced her to her current boyfriend....
i realize now i made a mistake. i did not know he was so jealous and overly sensitive. i did not realze he would try to come between our friendship. i am just so angry about this.
May 14 2006, 06:11 PM
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about us earlier. I'm glad you learned something from the last friend you lost because of him -- do you see how much you've grown in the past year and a half? I understand completely that you need time to get over him -- I know it's hard to watch some guy you really like fall head over heels for your best friend. I've been in your shoes before. Please, take your time to get over him -- I can't wait until I can call you up and tell you how much I love him and do all those silly things we girls do. Until then, I'm sorry that I can't be completely honest with you, but I'm not going to try to force anything on you that you can't handle. You are too dear to me.
Thank you, sweetheart, for being a lifesaver and such a good friend. I really hope you like him and you're not just saying that because you messed up the last guy I liked. =) You've done a lot of stupid things in the past, but it's times like these that I really remember why you are one of my best friends.
Please, please, please give him a chance. I know he's been a jerk in the past, but if he was really that awful to A, don't you think she would stop talking about how great he is? You should see how good he is to me! We went to a party last night and while everyone else was drinking and god knows what else, he only touched his cigarettes. Do you even know about his past? I don't think you know a thing about him. And don't even bring up the fact that I hated your ex-boyfriend -- you hate him now, too. Just give him a chance, that's all I ask of you.
Ah, what can I say? I adore you. I never, ever thought that I'd meet someone like you. You're sweet, you're patient -- you're mean sometimes, but that's okay, I'm probably worse. (= I'm more than grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for respecting my boundaries and finding me. "Je ne comprends pas!" (=