Jun 4 2006, 11:06 PM
Different guys have different preferences regarding women's heights. Personally, I generally find unusually tall and unusually short women attractive. (Average-height women are O.K.) I think a unique height just serves to set a woman apart from the rest, not to make her more or less attractive.
As far as body composition goes, it is well known that most men prefer leaner women. I can appreciate anything from very thin and toned (but not anorexic, no ribs showing) to a little overweight with a curvy, well-proportioned figure. Some other men opt for severely skinny ladies, whereas others can't resist hugely obese mates. I imagine there is also a segment of men who enjoy larger, muscular women, although I don't hear about this group as much.
Regardless of your body type, I'm sure there's someone out there for you. Don't fret if a few people reject or tease you. Rest assured that contrary to popular belief, not all men seek the same body type, so no matter how insecure some of you may be, there are men out there who like you the way you are.
Jun 21 2006, 02:11 AM
being skinny isn't all it's cracked up to be. when women get jealous of a skinny girl like me, its isn't pretty. and not all guys even like us skinny girls.
still, i feel blessed to have such a high metabolism, because a slim physique is confidence inspiring.
Jun 21 2006, 02:18 AM
word, pepper. I feel obligated to eat sometimes when I'm not even hungry, and I get harassed to eat too. I get more flak for it because I'm small. If I am having a feeling fat day, I can't tell anyone without them being at least as thin as I am, without risking the friendship.
Jun 21 2006, 09:52 PM
notice the post below is by pepper_ and not myself.
i don't know why it's even bothering to impersonate if this is all it has to say. whatever.
ophelia, i have had strangers make comments to me in public about my weight in a totally inappropriate and hurtful way. just because it's more socially acceptable to be a bit underweight than a bit overweight doesn't make it hurt any less to have someone critize you for it. that's just rude.
these days though i have managed to round out my edges so i'm a bit more cushioned in the rump area at least (still slim by any standards). but i wonder about my health. having a high metabolism certainly doesn't encourage me to watch what i eat or get regular exercise. i have the nightly routine of a large bowl of icecream to try putting on some pounds. how's my heart, cardiovascular system, digestion, etc? no one ever tells me i should start working out or avoiding fats and such. now that i'm in my 30's it's past time to start taking better care of myself but i have bad habits deeply ingrained. i don't see the damage from an irregular diet, fatty, starchy foods or lack of exercise so it's easy to ignore. thankfully i'm a generally healthy eater but still.
and no, i am not allowed to have "fat" days either. not that i do very often, i actually prefer the look of a voluptous woman and wish i was about 15 lbs heavier, but sometimes i feel flabby from the lack of working out, ye know? that's a "fat" day for me. goddess help me if i mention That in front of any other women though, gah!
Jun 22 2006, 01:46 AM
gah, so sorry. guess I shouldn't post so late at night. I thought the last sentence was a little off from your usual posting style. Anyway, please accept my apologies!
Jun 22 2006, 08:43 AM
Ophelia: I hear you on the strangers making comments. They think it's perfectly okay to practically scream "OMG your so skinny!!! what size do you wear?! blah blah blah" across the room while I proceed to turn shades of red I didn't know existed. I got that on a weekly basis for the first few months of my new job and I'm only about 5 lbs underweight by the BMI charts. It just irks me because these same people wouldn't dream of walking up to a heavy person and going "OMG your so fat! what size do you wear?!" etc.
Jun 22 2006, 09:56 AM
oh, i love this thread! i remember there used to be a thread with a name that involved hiding behind a broomstick or whatever, similar discussion.
pepper, i could have written your post! except with me, it's bowls of chips that i sit down with at night. and i always wonder how my arteries are doing, etc. i am so not physically active and am feeling so out of shape it's almost embarrasing. but so many people out there think that thinness equals in shape. not so.
and anonymoose, i had that happen a few year ago at work when i just started a new job - a woman stopped me in the hallway and asked what size i was - i didn't even know her name and she's asking what size i wear in clothing. and another time, in front of several coworkers, a person asked me if i was anorexic. i was mortified.
Sep 2 2006, 03:03 PM
Sorry for bringing up this old thread, but yeah, this topic's been on my mind for the past day or so.
I watched the Emmys last week and a lot of people I know online were like, "Calista Flockhart SO has an eating disorder!" and I was sitting there going, "I dunno man, I think I'm as skinny as her nowadays.." (For the record, I thought she looked really unhealthy a few years ago.) And then yesterday during a lab meeting, my boss joked that he was working us to the bone and another scientist said to me, "Yeah, I think you've gotten skinnier since the last time we saw you."
I dunno, I've always been skinny, even as a little girl. I look at photos taken when I was 10, and boy, did I look unhealthy, LOL! Positively anorexic. As a teen, I had some people who hadn't seen me for a few years look at me and go, "Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!" Considering that means +5 lbs mostly in the thighs and the fact that I was still about 10 lbs underweight, you know I was a skinny lil tyke, LOL.
I'm usually not self-conscious about it, but I guess the meeting yesterday was an eye-opener. That's how people recognize me: as the skinny Chinese girl. I've had people ask what my "secret" is, and it's annoying since I can't really say anything besides, "Ummmmm, I don't eat junk food?" and "Both my parents are skeletal?" It's also annoying to read about how "disgusting" Calista Flockhart is for showing her bones, and I'm like, "Hey, I have bones there too! Sor-RY for being bottom-heavy and not having boobs like the rest of the female population!"
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I've gotten self-confident enough to not have people's comments truly bother me, but I felt I needed to rant for a bit.
Sep 2 2006, 06:23 PM
I never thought Calista looked that terrible. She's very slim and her spine stuck out in '98, but I've seen that with other skinny girls who were otherwise healthy. I saw Calista onstage at a Vagina Monologues show in 2001 and thought she looked fine. She resembled a girl I knew who was very tall and narrow and would get made fun of for being so skinny, but I envied her shape because she looked very unique.
People's body shapes in family vary a lot. My dad's cousin was always very thin, and her daughters are slim but more shapely than straight up-and-down, like she is. I have a D-cup size, and my mom is a B cup size. It's practically a genetic crapshoot.
Reading profiles of actresses, there seems to be a lot of ink devoted to how tiny and doll-like and slim and small they are. Tanya Donnelly of Belly once wrote how she hated how male journalists called her doll-like and childlike, commenting on her "small hands." But the actresses seem to invite the "doll-like, fragile" descriptions because it makes them sound more beautiful or more special.
Oct 2 2006, 02:07 PM
[font=Comic Sans Ms]
I have been looking for somewhere to vent about this for ages!!! I don't think I'm "skinny" at all. And by the way, I hate
that word. The way our society is today, there is not room for "skinny" and "healthy" in the same sentence. I think its a load of crap!!!
I am admittedly a very small framed person. I am an athlete and a dancer (Traditional West African) and I seem to get a good mix of opinions about my physique. Men seem to like me, but the Women!!!! Oh my... I am 5'7ish and weigh about 135 with small breasts and a booty that won't quit. How anyone could come up to me and say, in front of all of my closest friends, that I need to put some meat on my bones is insane. Granted, this person was the ex-girlfriend of my now husband. But still, give me a break!
I am tired of feeling like I need to weigh 165 in order to be accepted here in the good ole' US of A. (Not that there is anything wrong with 165. It would just be ridiculous on my body frame)
The fashion industry seems to be catering to this "bigger is better" mentality, as well. Ten years ago, I was quite a bit smaller at 118 and wore a size 6 or 8 jean. Fast forward to today and, depending on the brand, I need a 2 or a 4 (and I am fifteen pounds heavier). What the heck is that all about
Is it just me???
Thanx for listening to me rant and rage.
Oct 2 2006, 02:20 PM
Um, yeah, GUY, because guys never care about what their bodies look like or what other people think of them.
and not only did you want to use the comic sans font --- you couldn't even figure out how to do it!
*We* sure are dumb.
Oct 2 2006, 02:39 PM
Why the hostility, Wombat. Obviously, I'm a newbie. You could offer some assistance rather than flaming me!
And Why all the "Guy" comments. Do you really have to be so nasty?
Oct 2 2006, 02:59 PM
Agreed Wombat, what's with the snark?
Oct 2 2006, 03:52 PM
Thanks for the kindness, erinjane. I thought I was missing something.
Oh, and Wombat... Looks like I figured it out. Thanks for your help!!!
I guess *We* aren't so dumb. Now that is Stellar...
Oct 2 2006, 03:56 PM
You are NOT the real Lunasol.
Oct 2 2006, 04:02 PM
i cant believe i just saw someone write "the fashion industry is catering towards bigger is better" and "i need to be 165 to be accepted". um, what? are you kidding? i know people who are too skinny get flack and i know people who are too fat get flack but i am pretty sure the skinny people are the ones most represented in the media, and CERTAINLY the fashion industry doesnt cater to bigger women NOR is 165 acceptable in this society bc most people who weigh that much are called FAT by our standards. i dont know, i think thats complete BS right there. also, there is already a lunasol here what is that word about?
i noticed that as well wombat. is someone impersonating her just like impersonating pepper?
i dont think anyone should have rude comments directed at them bc of their weight. its one thing to be concerned and ask, its another to be an asshole.
Oct 2 2006, 04:16 PM
Wow, what's with all the attitude?
First of all. I never claimed to be Lunasol. My name is Lunasol75. Two very different folks. She was here before me, I'm sure, but there is no impersonation intended. Boy, you are some angry women.
I have the right to my beliefs, observations, and opinions. You have that same right. I was not trying to insult anyone (or be an asshole). I'm sorry if my post was misunderstood. This is how things are. The girls in my town are bigger. And by "bigger", I don't mean fat. I have a good friend who is a triathlete. She weighs 165 and looks damn good but she is not fat by any definition of the word.
These are the facts. American women are getting larger. I believe the media and the fashion industry are catering to this fact, as a lot of women have a problem buying larger sizes. So, if we make the sizes larger, everyone is happy. Do you understand now?
Again, sorry if I came across as an asshole. It was totally unitentional. I don't, however, appreciate the rampant sarcasm and being called "dumb" for not knowing how to do something technical in this forum.
Stop being so defensive!
Oct 2 2006, 04:24 PM
lunasol75, I've posted a reply to your introduction in the newbie thread.
eta: *deep breath* what is with the animosity? noone knows that lunasol75 is a troll in sheep's clothing, could you not have given her the benefit of the doubt for a post? there was no need to be so hostile and she certainly did not deserve to be called an asshole, noone on this board does, can't we treat each other with respect?
As for her points, I think there is good discussion to be had there. As a UK size 16 I can still see that "skinny" girls get shit from the media too - nicole richie, victoria beckham, lynsey lohan anyone? they are attacked for being too thin, for looking anorexic, for being poor role models for impressionable girls but if, like Britney, a celebrity puts on some weight they are slammed for not taking care of themselves and letting themselves go. Women in the media cannot win, the body image of woman is constantly receiving blows.
Oct 2 2006, 07:49 PM
i didnt call her an asshole, i said people who make comments about others weight, whether they are fat or skinny (unless they are truly concerned about health) are assholes. i dont think shes a troll necessarily.
nicole richie and beckham get shit bc they ARE too skinny and everyone knows no one naturally looks like that (esp since they had previously looked healthier so clearly its not their ideal weight) unless they are starving themselves. its obvious being fat is far more of a societal no no then being skinny since you dont see as many people TRYING to put on weight, no instead you see most girls and women trying to lose it.
i agree no one can make the media happy, but lets face it, you get more shit for being fat then you do being thin.
Oct 2 2006, 07:59 PM
I get confused by stories in the media of many Americans being overweight or fat, when there are so many Americans who are thin or small-boned or athletic. It's very disproportionate.
I hate the bashing of women who are thin or small-boned by women who are jealous or picky. The women in my family have ranged from being thin/wiry to being full-chested and shapely. I fall into the latter, while my mom was always thin. Genetics is a funny thing when I end up resembling some distant relative more than my own mother.
Oct 2 2006, 10:41 PM
sorry luna, we're a bit touchy about potential impersonaters here 'cause of a recent episode of that. your name is just too close to another long time poster here to not cause some confusion. there isn't anyone called luna though, i don't think there is anyhow, so that's a possibility...
aside from that, welcome to the forum and the skinny girl thread. this can be a difficult topic to discuss, no one wants to feel sympathy for the skinny chick (i hate that word, skinny, too). but here we are, i get harrassed about my weight way more openly than i think i would if i were a few pounds over the norm but, hey, no one seems to think it's a biggie to target me for my body shape. it hurts just the same though, it's nasty to be singled out for that sort of negative attention no matter what side of the scale you're on. the total strangers telling me to "eat something!" take the cake though. it's all i can do not the give some smacks all 'round sometimes.
i don't agree about the fashion industry catering to the bigger bodied though. these days when i pick out something in the shop more often than not i fit into a large which is totally ridiculous. i am an extra small, small maybe, not a LARGE. if i'm a large what the hell fits into a size small? a ten year old? wtf.
Oct 3 2006, 07:11 AM
Its alright. I understand. You make a lot of good points. (and maybe I will change my name to Luna). Thanks for the suggestion.
Hmmm.... I wonder if this if the size thing is just a local/Denver phenom. Its interesting to know how things work where you live. Around here, I always have to find the absolute smallest size, usually an extra small, in everything (and I'm 5'7, 135ish) That is just crazy. Do you buy your clothes at one or two specific places?
Oct 3 2006, 08:14 AM
5'7 135 isnt small at all. when i was that weight (i am 5'6 though) i was a medium, of course, i always had a big chest. i would have hardly called myself small at that weight considering i was a size 10 or so. really, i was just in good shape from swimming, but i was far from small. i cant believe someone would target you for what sounds like a very healthy weight.
nicole ritchie, at 5 '3 and 95 pounds is small. 5 6 135 not so much. man i would give anything to be that weight again. could be that it is a local issue. since people in the midwest are generally bigger and more out of shape, maybe thats why?
i feel sympathy for anyone who is the target of nasty comments, concerning weight or anything else.
what is really interesting here is how weight is disributed on different people as well since i was a size 10 and a medium and you are what i am guessing is a much smaller size and an xtra small.
Oct 3 2006, 09:47 AM
I agree with you 100%. I don't think I'm really all that small. I am very athletic and very muscular, so I think that is where my most of my weight comes from and I do have a lean build ( think ballet dancer or long distance runner) but there is no way I should be wearing an extra small. There are girls way smaller than me. How do they find clothes?
I get razzed a bunch. And like you said, 5'7", 135 is not that small. People around here are just super big and super buff. There are a lot of people from the south that have migrated here, as well. That could have something to do with it, as I have noticed southern folks tend to be bigger and all about the food.
I grew up in the midwest (ohio) and that was HELL! I caught shit all the time, about being "too skinny", even from my own family.
I also think you made a good point about weight distribution. I have a superhugebooty and no boobs. All my weight goes straight to the ass.
Oct 3 2006, 10:47 AM
5'7" 120lb. though recently i put on 4 pounds, wow! on my frame it made a huge difference.
i shop all over the place and lots of second-hand thrown in so i have clothes from all over. it's weird, the size range in my closet.
Oct 3 2006, 11:53 AM
re: the change in sizes over the years-it's definitely true-it's vanity sizing. A lot of people have said that they used to be a bigger size in clothes, and now they are like a 2, when they used to be a 6....
I think it really depends on the store-I'm 5'10 and I can NEVER wear a medium, like, the thought of that is insane to me-BUT, at target I can wear a lot of their medium shirts-very random.
For celebrities, it's suuuuch a thin line of what is ok. Lindsay lohan etc get shit when they are clearly not eating, but if they gain a TAD "too much" they are called fat. I mean, no wonder so many of them don't eat and have major food issues!
Oct 3 2006, 08:05 PM
I live in Ohio (again maybe it's just a midwest thing) but for the first month at my new job I had complete strangers going on at the top of their lungs in an otherwise quiet building about how skinny I am , "OMG what size do you wear?" etc. They wouldn't dream of doing that if I was overweight. I don't understand how they can not get that it's still rude even if the person is skinny.
I also agree with the size change in clothes. I only buy clothes when they're cheap so I was completely psyched when walmart and kmart started carrying extra small recently. I thought I 'd be able to find things that fit more often. I tried several items on and realized that they were the same size as the small used to be... I guess that means the size small is now actually a medium.... people wonder how I "can be so skinny but still hate clothes shopping." heck, maybe I should get rich, move to California, and shop where all the models and movie stars do (haha right.)
Oct 4 2006, 07:49 AM
well the difference between having someone ask what size you are when you are skinny is out of awe and jealousy where as someone asking a fat person that is out of disgust. still going farther than is ok in my mind in terms of personal space (not to mention rude). however, the intent is ENTIRELY different.
you guys should move to nyc, you would be the norm here. or at least the desired norm. clothes here are SO small. everywhere in the northweast they are i think. i do think people in the midwest are not only taller, but definitely in worse health as well in terms of weight.
Oct 4 2006, 11:28 AM
anonymoose, those comments have come my way, too. and katie, i understand what you're saying about the intent, but i also think there can be an element of disgust, too, when the "skinny" comments are uttered. or...maybe it's disgust to mask other emotions. i don't know. whatever it is, people seem to think it's okay to make comments about someone's weight when that person is thin.
the worst comment someone ever made to me (in front of a whole bunch of coworkers) was "are you anorexic?" with the most disgusted look on her face. i was standing with people who i admired and respected (and unfortunately, she was one of them, but not after that comment) and was completely mortified. i am nor never was anorexic. stressed the hell out, maybe. but not anorexic.
i feel for someone like nicole richie with respect to the weight issue. i think someone brought this point up in another thread, but wasn't she constantly criticised because she was "overweight" and "fat" (i hate that term, and skinny, too) all the time? and then she goes and loses a bunch of weight and is now being criticised for that, too. i mean, granted, she does look too thin in some photos i've seen of her. it's a never-ending issue for some people - esp those in the media.
Oct 4 2006, 12:44 PM
yeah amber, that sounds sooo frustrating, i can't believe the things people feels it is ok to say.
as a big amazon woman
i've always been so jealous of little tiny girls/women. now i think i'm past that, but i still am just kind of amazed at how tiny a person can be. not just short or how skinny, but just petiteness. i look at my own frame and it's just hard to believe that some people are so tiny! ok, i'm not saying this well at all. maybe it's just a weird tall-girl fascination with little women.
go to japan for tiny clothes-when i went a lot of the stores didn't have anything over a size 4!!!!!! it was amazing. i swear they had like, negative sizes or something.
Oct 4 2006, 01:48 PM
I agree with you, amber, regarding the skinny comments. It seems there are strong elements of contempt (and disgust) that accompany such comments. In my experience, such comments are used in a snarky way 95% of the time. I'm tired of it. We are all beautiful in our own distinct way and I can't believe people feel they have the right to blatently insult someone else (especially a complete stranger).
Although a good majority of nastiness used to be directed at bigger girls, it has come full circle to include just about everyone who swings either side of average. So-called "skinny" girls take an awful lot of flak these days, though
And Katie, maybe I should move to NY. Sometimes I feel like a complete anomaly around here (regarding the body size issue) Region definately has a lot to do with it.
Luni (Formerly Lunasol75) (I hope the new nick lessens confusion around here)
Oct 4 2006, 02:12 PM
I hate how anorexia is bandied about like it's something one willfully becomes. Anorexia is a disease, and not just vanity-based.
Oct 4 2006, 03:01 PM
good point anna- like with nicole ritchie-they are all making fun of her for looking so sickly thin, but it's not like she sees herself that way! that's the whole point, is the anorexic person doesn't realize how sickly they are/look.
although i gotta say, a lot of girls/women "learn" how to have an eating disorder and work quite hard at it.
Oct 4 2006, 07:26 PM
oh, such good points about anorexia so not being about a vanity thing. and good point, maddy, about how some people "learn" to have an eating disorder. i think with the case of nicole ritchie (and i totally don't know enough about her situation, so this is all just guesswork on my part, and my opinion) - with all the critics calling her "fat" or whatever, she might have felt the pressure to lose weight...and then there's the whole control issue, and then maybe it just spiralled and she's unaware of how thin she is. i don't know.
you're right also, that a lot of people with disordered eating have a disordered sense of how they look - they might be rail thin and think they look fat. i think it's body dismorphic disorder?
okay...i can't form well thought out sentences...but i am happy to see this thread active once again!
Oct 5 2006, 07:42 AM
to be honest, i think it absolutely starts out as a vanity thing (because of society) and quickly becomes a disease. at least for most people, esp in hollywood. i know its indicative of other things but for the most part whether its about control or something else, it DOES start out as a "i am too fat" thing. doesnt stay that way bc you are right, they cant tell how gross they look or how unhealthy they are, which is where the disease comes in.
Oct 5 2006, 09:25 AM
i think you're right for some cases, katie. but there are some cases in which i don't think it starts out as a vanity thing. again, i'm not an expert on the subject, but for some people (women, mostly) who have been sexually abused, eating disorders are not about a vanity thing. there are a whole lot of underlying issues there. and i'm pretty sure i've read other cases of for, example, anorexia, being linked to issues that were not related to vanity. i vaguely remember what those issues were, though, and when i have time i'll do a little research into them. to say that they start out as absolutely a vanity thing, may be going too far. but that's just my opinion, and i wish i knew more on the subject. i guess, maybe there is always an aspect of the physical appearance being involved - but is it always about wanting to be thinner because that's what's portrayed as being better? i don't know.
Oct 5 2006, 09:37 AM
well thats kinda what i meant, theres SO much more going on there, but there has to be vanity in some aspect. its alot about control and self esteem, but i would think people who have been abused in whatever way are suffering from low self esteem among many other issues, so may gravitate towards things they CAN control about themselves, which is their body size in order to be accepted and stuff. who knows, i am not sure anyone ever will.
in my experience, (girls in college) it was a vanity thing fueled by low self esteem and wanting to have that "perfect" body. but clearly that is not everyones case.
Oct 5 2006, 10:42 AM
with sexual abuse as a kid, a lot of times it starts out in puberty, with a disgust of becoming a woman, and so you want to starve yourself and stay a girl (weirdly, cause it's notlike being agirl kept you safe...)
also i think society tells us that being a woman is bad and that fat is disgusting and makes you a disgusting person. so it's not just vanity but also self-esteem.
i remember wanting to cut my "fat" off with a knife, i was so repulsed by it.
not saying ther'es not vanity in it for some/many, just don't think it's ever so cut and dried.
a loooot of it is about control-if you look at little kids who essentially have not much power if any, a lot of kids take control by refusing to eat certain things, etc. my niece and nephew are realllly good at using food as their power. i think it can be similar. it can be a cry for help, a punishment of the body or of a parent or smething, a way to cope, a way to feel out of it and numb, a way to become "perfect" and in control and powerful. it's like "i can't' control anything, so i'm going to control my body."
just my 2cents (ok maybe more like 4)
also i think it can be a form of self-injury, and of passive suicidality, because choosing not to eat is essentially choosing not to put life into your body.
it can be about self-hatred, about punishing yourself for being "bad", and not allowing yourself any nourishment or kindness, because you don't deserve it because you are "bad."
Oct 5 2006, 11:04 AM
body dysmorphia can be caused by a lot of things, but it's in there already. conscious issues about the way one looks can exacerbate it, but ultimately it's a psychological condition. and the word "vanity" being bandied about with anorexia really, really bugs me because in serious cases that is never, ever what it is about.
i am not a tiny girl. i only looked into this thread because it kept showing up at the top. but i have to comment.
my best friend from childhood has been in and out of hospitals for over ten years now for anorexia. she is the sweetest girl you could ever hope to meet, but there is something severely wrong with her, psychologically. it has nothing to do with vanity.
my mother works at a school for children with severe mental disabilities and studies a lot of things about how even prenatal influences can affect people later on in life (ie, babies who were c-sections as opposed to vaginal births often have minor issues with certain reflexes when they are grown up because they didn't have to use those inherent reflexes to get themselves down the birth canal).
it's an interesting subject, but the example i wanted to make is that research has found that certain children with certain disabilities benefit greatly from things like sitting on textured chairs or holding a heavy pillow in their lap, because part of their disability is the inability to know where their body ends. having something remind them where they are helps them stay in the world, helps ground them.
it's similar with body dysmorphia, and my mom made my friend a heavy pillow which has been helping her. body dysmorphia is not a choice, it's not a fashion statement, it's a fucking psychological condition. one which, for my friend, ten years of doctors, hospitals, rehabs, love, support and begging have not been able to change.
people look down their noses at girls with anorexia and it fucking sickens me. the attitude is "oh, you could change if you wanted to". no, they can't. it's not that easy. and you wouldn't ask that of someone with schizophrenia or ocd or any other psychological problem.
Oct 5 2006, 12:17 PM
i dont think all anorexics are the same though. some get over it quite quickly, others go on for years and years with it. its like any other illness, its not the same for everyone
Oct 5 2006, 09:13 PM
my very good friend from younger years was a seriously disfunctional person in many respects, anorexia/bulimia being only one. it wasn't until years later that i found out she'd suffered horrible sexual abuse as a small child. she was also adopted into an alcoholic family and thought her "parents" knew about her abuser all along. no wonder she was a mess, it all just goes to show that disfunction manifests itself in many different ways from many different causes. it's impossible to cover it all with one blanket, so to speak. i don't know why people even try.
Oct 8 2006, 05:27 AM
QUOTE(maddy29 @ Oct 3 2006, 11:10 AM)
re: the change in sizes over the years-it's definitely true-it's vanity sizing. A lot of people have said that they used to be a bigger size in clothes, and now they are like a 2, when they used to be a 6...
Hah, that's exactly what I found to be the case in Express. I have an old pair of Express jeans that are a size 5/6, and when I went there recently to try on new pants, I had magically become a size 2.
My pelvis is physically incapable of fitting in a real size 3, so it's just vanity sizing, but it's so annoying.
I realize that when people comment on my weight, they're usually not doing it out of disgust like they would if I were overweight. But it still bothers me because they're assuming things about me without even knowing me. I could say the same if I had any other body condition really, but it bugs me because they're not putting ME down. They're unconsciously putting THEMSELVES down. Saying, "You're so lucky!", "What's your secret?", "You don't need to exercise!" and other things like that really says, "I wish I was as skinny as you" and I want to knock some sense into them.
Being skinny didn't get me where I am. I'm in science and it doesn't matter what I look like or what I wear. And being skinny certainly doesn't get me guys, LOL - my roommate (who often uses the "You're so lucky!" line) has had more boyfriends in the past month than I've had in my entire life. Looking a certain way doesn't achieve goals, but having a certain attitude does. I'm just so frustrated with people who obsess over the natural state of their bodies. Some things you just can't change, and if you're healthy, you might as well embrace it, right?
Don't even get me started on people who snark on celebrities being too fat or too thin. People called Kate Winslet fat when Titanic came out, but I thought she was gorgeous. People called Keira Knightley a boy when POTC came out, but I thought she was gorgeous too. They're both women with vastly different natural body types, but they seem healthy. Actresses like Nicole Richie and Kate Bosworth I worry about, since it's clear they've lost a lot of weight and their current thin physiques probably aren't their natural states. I agree that it's frustrating to see people just say, "They need to eat a cookie" because eating disorders aren't as simple as that. If they do have eating disorders, yes, they need help, but it certainly isn't as easy as sitting in front of a meal. Heck, I think that most people today have a negative relationship with food...
Nov 8 2006, 01:55 AM
right on mouse. your friend is so lucky to have you, as cliche as that sounds, it's very true. not many people have the patience or capacity to deal with a person with those extreme conditions. it's a huge responsibility for a friend to sit by and just be a friend with no expectations or attempts to change the person. but it means the world because all people who are isolated really want is someone who accepts them unconditionally and supports them through their struggles. i imagine your friend doesnt even understand her own disorders, which can be very frustrating for her i'm sure. i know she wants to get better, deep down, and i know she hates living that way. no one enjoys being sick or feeling sick. so all i can say is continue doing exactly what you are doing, and have faith that with the help of professionals, and doctors, and family and friends, she will feel the love and support she needs to get stronger one day at a time.
anita18, arg. i hate all that celebrity crap. do you notice they all eerily look the same? all of their eyebrows are neatly trimmed and their lips are glossed and plumped. it just gets so tiresome seeing person after perfect person trotting down the red carpet. where is the substance people? if these people arent living life enough to skin their knee, they are definitely not someone i look up to.
Nov 9 2006, 11:50 AM
knorlo....the depressing thing is that i'm NOT actually there, supporting her, being her friend. i don't mean to de-rail this thread and am wondering if maybe we should start another about eating disorders and allies? but i feel incredibly guilty.
we were best friends up until around age 11 and then she started hanging out with different people (middle school, when everything first starts getting cliquey). i actually ended up being the loner/scapegoat of the class and so we weren't really friends at all by the time she got diagnosed at around 13. we had a sort of affection based on history, and our mothers are best friends, but we didn't really have much of a personal connection by then. we switched schools to the same highschool, but even though we were on better terms then, she was never there because she was always in and out of treatment. she also has fibromyalgia, which didn't help things at all. i left for college early, after three years of highschool, and haven't lived at home or anywhere near where she lives since. we stay in touch because our mothers are close, and i visit her when i go home to see my parents, and lately i've been trying to email her more often, but we live on opposite coasts now and as selfish as it is, i'm really preoccupied with my life HERE.
and the sad thing is, so is everyone who was ever her friend. she's sort of stymied at age 13. she's taken college classes and she got her ged, but she's never been on her own, she has this sort of scarily symbiotic relationship with her mother. they're never without each other around. her father's never around, and they just moved to a different state so now she's totally far away from anyone she even remotely had. and of course her friends from school are, like me, getting on with their lives and moving away and starting out in the world. and she's not.
so many of these sensationalistic "i had anorexia!" exposes on 20/20 or whatever are always "i got through it with the help of my best friend". and i just don't think she has that kind of support and i wonder that maybe that's why this has gone on so long......and i'm probably the closest thing she has to that, and i'm so not doing anything.
this totally doesn't belong in this thread, sorry.
Nov 10 2006, 12:25 AM
mouse, i actually restarted the ED thread sometime in the beginning of the year.. but it's faded as of late: bulimia, anorexia, etc ..eating disorders thread
i have a lot of feedback on the topic. i never want to offer unsolicited advice, but sometimes it happens when i get all passionate about topics that hit home. if you wanna hop in there and chat about ED's for a hot sec, lemme know.
Dec 6 2006, 10:30 AM
back to what originally started that,
anorexia isn't a choice. it's not necessarily something you can convince your friend not to do. i mean sure, support to get over it is nice.. but i'm not entirely sure that's any better than not saying anything at all.
when i was little i was big. i mean, i looked pregnent when i was 4. never the less, i got over it myself. i didn't really have friends [outside my family], and even then i figured out i wouldn't unless i got thinner. i joined swimming and ju jitsu, and lost the weight just by being an active 4- year old.
i don't know.
that story seemed random,
but i guess to get back to the thread.
i almost miss being big.
i'm 5' 4", and it would be obvious if i gained weight, but i'm tired of girls randomly stating that i'm "so skinny" and that they wish "they could be my size".
just yesterday i was asked if i was 80 pounds. ridiculous, i know, but it just goes to show how unrealistic high school girls are about weight.
Dec 7 2006, 07:40 AM
steph_erin: i think maybe what it is, is that any unwanted attention to our bodies is annoying? i hate when people make comments like that because it's like, this is just my body. i have a small frame, stop comparing yourself to me. -or- i figure, if someone is so unhappy with their weight that they have to make comments to me.. do something about it. dont blame the small girl for your weight issues. stop eating greasy fast food everyday and start exercising.
that's awesome that you took control over your weight at a young age.. especially the way you did it by getting active. so many kids just sit around and play video games anymore that i think that's one of the reasons a lot of people have weight problems.
Dec 8 2006, 09:02 PM
finally, someone who understands. that seriously made my day. i think i've ranted and raved about that many times. never to the girl who called me outrageously small... but to friends.
Dec 9 2006, 10:11 PM
... ps. LOVE the quote
Dec 11 2006, 07:07 PM
why, thank you.
the reason i bothered telling my story about getting active.. is basically because it made me feel good. i mean, even now.. whenever i do something somewhat physical, i feel great. once you start, it becomes a habit. woo! being healthy!