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(((leboy's cousin))) ~~~healing vibes~~~

((((mavin)))) glad that a sad occasion had a silver lining and you got to spend some good time with your family. Lily is such a perdy name smile.gif

belated congrats to danny & his proud mama bear mandi! any news on the red tent front, mah dear?

~~~money vibeage for sassy~~~

~~~continued jobbie vibes for sixela and zoya~~~

~~~continued healing and soothing for our dearest raisingirl~~~

yay for blissful weekends, shopping for clothes, new kitty lovins, child-free time, fried green tomatoes & yummy salads, new fishies, book signings, & scavenger hunts.

((((amilita, rose, pixie, designerm, sixela, zoya, sassy, polly, sidecar, billy, dusty, kitten, mandi, mavin, raisin, bunny, mornington, sybarite, star, msp, flanker, pink, sonik, candy, faith, everybody))))

I spoke with the manager and he was less than impressed with her drunken shenanigans last night. His exact words "I got him fired, not you. And I did it not because of what you told me, but because she asked me for help. So she can look in the mirror and blame herself, or me if she feels the need. And you need not worry about a thing, because if she continues she will be asked to leave. I damn sure am not losing good tenants over people who cannot keep their drama to a dull roar."

So nyah.

Thanks for your kind words kitten. I just feel like a fool for getting myself involved at all. I feel like I never really learn my lesson when it comes to these things. It's no easy feat to juggle my instinct to help when someone is in trouble, and to be wise enough to know when to run the other way. I just don't want to become so cynical and jaded that I won't ever help someone who needs it. But damn, my batting average is not so great.

On a happier note, well happier for my lil bro, his friend won a trip for 4 to Las Vegas at the end of the month which just happens to coincide with the huge music festival, Vegoose. So they are going for four days, two of them attending the festival. I am containing my envy, as he will be seeing many artists that I'd give some teeth to see! But I'm super stoked for him, he gets to see one his favorite bands, Rage Against The Machine, reunite. And a fabulous side effect of that is that I will have the apartment all to mah'self for four wonderful days! Yipeeee smile.gif
I got word that the test has been approved by the insurance company and I will have it tomorrow. It's only about 6 days behind schedule (fuck). Thanks for the vibes, everyone, it's a shitty situation because while the problem isn't shortening my life or life-threatening (that's the GOOD NEWS, ahahaha -- ahem), it is ongoing and interfering massively with quality of life issues, among other things. Blah.
(((((raisin))))) yay good news! better late than never

((((yuefie)))) what kitten said. you are still an absolute star

((((kitten)))) good luck at the vet! and the songs made me grin like a fool. purdy pics in the other thread, btw

((((mavin)))) I'm glad there was a silver lining

((((sidecar)))) yay for martinidad!

((((polly)))) it is a pretty building though! ***leboy's cousin***

((((star, billy, mando, bunny, dm, rose, zoya, sixie, sassy, syb, pixie, everyone))))

today was a good day. I went to uni, and I have a new house lined up! I have to ask my dad for help with the deposit, as I still haven't got my loan sorted (they're being arseholes) but I should get the deposit back for here to repay him. It's smaller than here, but bright and all new and I liked it immediately. I just hope it's not going to be too small once all my stuff is there. It will do me good to have a sort-out, though. I'm going to have to give away some of my books, which will be heartbreaking.

huuuuge antikvetch: The Girlies came all the way into london to see me (they've moved onto another campus out of town). They gave me a badge maker for my birthday present (and I gave Girlie 1 a hat and scarf for her birthday, which was over the weekend). I am now going to make badges like a crazy badge-making person. yay toys! it does say "for ages 6+" on the box
QUOTE(mornington @ Oct 9 2007, 05:20 PM) *
I am now going to make badges like a crazy badge-making person.

Wouldn't that make you....a badger?! tongue.gif sorry, I couldn't resist

I'm too tired to post (and don't want to be a downer), but I am reading/thinking of each of you ((((kvetchies)))).
((Morn)) Yay for toys! I'm adding that I still want to kick F's arse... but that's awesome news about the house!!

Kvetch: Still have this insane cold!

Anti-kvetch: Mcgeek is going to buy a treadmill.... he found one on craigslist for $500. So, it's within our budget.

Anti-kvetch: Have a temp gig this weekend. The only downside is I'm going to miss this massive cool foodie event that Rocco and Ted Allen are going to be out. sad.gif

A plague on boys of low moral fibre! (((Mornington))) God knows I was pissed off enough that he let you come all the way over from England and then basically left you to your own devices the whole time. We need a Bustie vigilante corps. He is soooooooo not worthy.

(((raisingirl))) for your test.

(((Yuefie))) nice group of people, dood. I like the part about keeping their drama to a dull roar.

(((kittenb and kitten)))

(((Mavin and fam)))

Yay for (((Danny)))! Also for (((Mandi)) because I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about it when my time comes. Sooner rather than later. I was a walking disaster when I first got my period, but 35 years later, I'm kind of used to it. But maybe I could become unused to it.

Quiet in here today! Well I know just what this forum needs: an update on my vagina!

I am at home today, having had a doctor's appointment with a new OB/GYN this morning. I had a bad bacterial infection over the summer that seemed to have cleared up, except that having sex resulted in lots of pain. So I got myself a new OB/GYN and I love her. She is awesome. Turns out that I have some kind of inflammation and while we're waiting for my test results to rule out anything else it could be, my crotch will most likely go on steroids some time next week. I kinda can't believe it's this simple.

MartiniDad's social worker called this morning. Physically, they're thrilled with his progress. Mentally...well, it looks like there are signs of dementia and they were probably present before the accident, they've just been exacerbated. They think he'll be able to go home but they're concerned about his mom's mental capacity to deal with this, so we're hoping to get her into a counselor to prepare for what this means. It's a bummer, but I can't say it's a shock.

Anyway, enough about me.

Raisin, I hope your test went well!
(((mavin and family)))
(((continued love to mornington)))

So sidecar, if you have steroids in your crotch, will it be like a super strong vagina? Is Martini ready for that?

From sidecar's vagina to my cat's kidneys. It seems that Olivia's kidneys are not working as they should. The vet showed me on an X-ray (can someone please tell me how I am going to pay this bill?) that one of her kidney's is about 25% smaller than it should be. I don't really know what that means but I am changing her food again. Fingers crossed we can make all of this work!

{{{health vibes to raisingirl and sassy}}}

Hugs to all!

hee at sidecar and kitten and the strong vagina talk laugh.gif .

(((sidecar))), it's so sad about martini's dad. Split instant but irreversible changes like that are really upsetting.

(((kitten and olivia)))

(((sassy, raisin and mandi))) good health vibes.

(((sybarite))) stress be gone.

where's (((rose)))? hope you're doing ok, sweetie-pie. Also, have you spoken to plat recently?

ongoing love for (((sixela))), (((mavin))), (((mornington))) and (((yuefie and her big heart))))

(((zoya))) and (((dusty))) a'cos

(((pixie))), (((designermedusa))), (((star))), (((polly))) and (((amilita))) also a'cos (I don't want to leave you out and you're damn huggable!)

(((everyone I'm missing)))

I'm majorly onboard with the Eddie Izzard lovin'; I started to watch The Riches today and it rocks.
sidecar, do we call you bionic vagina? and hey, i care about your v-jay. wink.gif

kittenb, was your cat tested for diabetes or renal problems? i guess i'm wondering why in the hell the cat is peeing all of the time. and no offense to the cat healer, whisperer, whatever....dude, i think the cat needs to have behavioral things in place for it. you are pretty even keel.

sassy, yeah for a temp job!

sorry for the weak vibes and such. so pooped. but, i wanted to say hey. i was happy today was a cool weather day. and i can't wait for it to stay permanently cold. because on a vanity note....i want to where my cool boots. oh plus...i love all of those comfort things that comes with cold weather like hot tea or coffee, soup, fuzzy pjs, and blankets...snugglin' and watching tv...ahhhhhh.

ok. i'm going to bed early.

Who wants to go to a pity party? sad.gif

I am feeling low.
Very very low.
I am sad and lonely and depressed.
I miss my friends and family so damn much. We've made some friends here, but it seems like the only way I can get them to spend time with me is if I throw a dinner party. And I'm tired of having to work for hours just to get in some time with friends.
I miss the days when my best friend lived across the street from me & would just call up & say, "Hey! Let's go to the craft store and drool over all the cute stickers!" or "Wanna see a play?" or "You seem sad. Let me take you out for cheese fries."
I miss all my old theatre friends and I miss doing theatre. I miss my theatre family.
And I miss my parents. And when they talk about getting together with my brother for lunch or whatever, a part of me feels sad & resentful that their lives are flowing along without me.

I've been living here for a year and a half now. And I'm just so terribly sad. I feel that I am dying - that who I am in my soul is dying and I am this empty husk. People here expect me to be the Perfect Little Trophy Wife and that isn't me at all! I want to meet some people who I connect with - people like the Busties and people like my friends back home. But then again, a part of me doesn't want to get out & meet anyone.

Indeed, a big part of me is often afraid to leave the house. I have needed to leave the house to buy groceries for a couple of days now, but I haven't done it. Yesterday I used my period as an excuse, but today I just felt too horrendously sad to get off of the couch. I didn't even eat anything until Sheff came home because I just couldn't get up. I'm too sad. Too lonely. Too scared that this is what the rest of my life looks like, but too racked with depression to find the strength to do anything about it.

I want to go home. I want to go back to tulsa where people love me and appreciate me. But there's no place for Sheff to work there. None at all. So here we are. But I'm just so tired of it. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of working to make things right because I feel that I get so little in return.
(((Rosev))) I wish I could take you out for cheese fries and go look at stickers!! I hear ya on missing your parents and not feeling like yourself and stuff.

And I know I'm always trying to send people to therapy, but it really may be helpful for you...with the getting out of the house stuff and all that especially. Sometimes we need our pals and our hubbies to just listen to us, but sometimes a professional really has some insights that are helpful. I definitely found that to be true with my PTSD. Maybe I should save my windy advice and just send you lovin' vibes.~~~~~

Yay for Sidecar's new OB/GYN!! (((Martinidad)))

(((Mornington, Mavin, Bunnyb, Kittenb, Sassy, Star, Dusty, Sixe, Raisin, everyone)))

I came in to tell you guys about my 4-year-old neice. Today she had picture day at school and she wanted to go dressed as a PIRATE! So off she went in her vest, belt (pirates wear belts, you know tongue.gif), headscarf, and eye patch. Oh, I love her so much!!!

Dunno if the picture was actually taken in the outfit (she didn't want to talk about it, says my mom) but I hope so.

(((((((((((rose))))))))))))) much love for you. I agree with amilita - even just a few sessions might help. I wish I could take you out for cheesy chips and a giggle.

((((sidecar)))) yay for new ob\gyn and a bionic vagina! I hope martinimum is able to deal with martinidad - I'm so sorry to hear that, but at least you have a point to start now

((((amilita)))) aww, that's so cute!

((((kitten)))) renal problems in cats are really quite common - how old is olivia? And a prescription diet is usually the way to go.

((((star)))) blankets and hot chocolate! and big jumpers...


((((sixiela)))) laugh.gif *badgers* many years ago, "badger" was a slang word for a strange person... at least where I went to school.

((((dusty)))) acos

((((raisin)))) parts crossed for you and the test!

((((sassy)))) ***cold-be-gone***

(((((zoya, syb, polly, mando, tes, plat, billy, mavin, yuefie, dm, everyone))))

Today I have an essay to write. boo. Well, sort-of. It's the research I still have to do, and making a start. I know once it starts, I'll be ok, it's just getting there...

I went to the pub last night with people from uni, and there was some sort of student party going on (probably one of the sports societies). There was a man dressed in nothing but a posing pouch...
((((((((rose))))))))))) in addition to therapy ... I'm wondering if maybe you should look for a part-time job or something? Is there anywhere you could volunteer? I feel for you so much (and I think most of us would feel the same if we were in your shoes!) but I'm wondering if the Trophy Wifing isn't as much a part of this as your homesickness. Maybe if you found something that got you out of the house that you enjoyed, the other missing parts might fall into place.

It's hard to make new friends, I think, especially in a 100 percent new environment as you and Sheff have been in, and I am discovering, after nearly 10 years of doing it, that it is very hard to live far away from your family.

I wish I could've had you hang out with me yesterday, after I got home. I took Sophie for a walk, made cookies, and did some freelance work. We would've had fun.

(((Olivia))) I hope this works! Poor kitty.

Well, off to work. It's been so busy lately. Our big literacy initiative is next week, and I am soooo ready for it to be done so I can get back to my life.
((rose)) cheese fries and craft stores sounds like sounds like a fabulous afternoon to me. I'm sorry you haven't found someone to share it with you yet. But I'm sure they're out there and like sidecar said, I think in addition to maybe some therapy, a part-time job or volunteering is a good idea. Maybe a job at the craft store a couple days a week, or volunteering at a animal shelter or become a docent at a museum or the zoo or volunteer as an usher at a theater if you're still iffy on the theater scene there. And small steps on getting out of the house. There are some weeks, if I didn't have to go to work, I wouldn't leave the house, either. ((more hugs)) You are so much more than a trophy wife!

((sidecar)) sorry to hear that it's one step forward, two steps back with martinidad. but steroids for your vajayjay? Wow. Hopefully that does the trick!

((kitten)) I hope this vet is finally right about Olivia. It's so frustrating when it takes multiple doctors for a diagnosis.

Amilita, that's so funny about your niece. Sounds like she's at least got her Halloween costume set up!

No update on LeCousin. I'll try to get one today. Office Manager has been out for two days, his grandmother died. The annoying woman who trained me is here, but she actually hasn't been too annoying. Probably because as soon as I knew she'd be coming in I tied up all the stuff I had to finish that I knew she'd rag on me about if it wasn't done. She worked here for several years and thinks she's still Queen of the Front Desk. rolleyes.gif

((hugs to all))
Wow, I haven't been in here in a while!

Midterms are almost over so that's good. I know it's late but I hope all the Canadian busties had a good Thanksgiving and I hope all the Ontario busties went out and voted yesterday!

(((rosev))) you should definitely try to find someone to talk to. I've been depressed like that before and it's hard just to find the energy to do anything but really, finding some help will make a world of difference.

good vibes for everyone!

((mando, sidecar, polly, sassy, yuefie, anoussh, morn, star, amilita, billy, kitten, dusty, mavin, pixie, et al)))
Yes and yes, thanks, Candy, I sprained my thumb campaining in Hamilton on Saturday. Didn't know you could do that.

(((Rose))) get thee professional help right away.

((morn)), I can't beleive F could do that to someone as good as you. mad.gif I hope the hurt subsides ASAP.

((rose)), I agree with the suggestions already made. Your situation reminds me of times in my life where I had no energy for anything because I was so sad. One key thing that I helped me was when my therapist encouraged me to feel things without judging myself. It sounds to me like you mourn your life in Tulsa, and maybe it's difficult for you to move through the mourning process because you feel guilty for having these feelings? For me, once I accepted my feelings about a situation and lived with them long enough, the energy built up in me to do positive things again, and not in a guilt-induced, forced way.

ETA: Yuefie, I used to have a similar problem with frequently getting sucked too far into crazy situations. Getting involved (or not) seems like one of the hardest judgement calls in the world sometimes.

(((Kvetchies))) one and all, I meece you. I try to stay away so's I can get my homework and other assorted chores done. I wish the internet didn't tempt me so. I could stay for hours and hours if I didn't impose strict time constraints on myself.

BUT, I rocked so hard yesterday that I'm now ahead on my homework, so I'm lollygaging today! Yeah!! I think I may write letters and confessions and all kinds of things. Or I may lurk as usual. I just don't know!
boo rose. (((((((((((rose))))))))))))) impending winter blues suck. even if you live in the sunny south. it makes a different. i'm glad you are able to talk through your feelings. i hope you can visit the sigh thread. part of me wants to give you a bunch of advice. but, the only thing i can encourage you to do for yourself is to be proactive in getting some therapy and meds. meds are always good. you are in my thoughts and prayers.
meds are great, when they work. (((rose)))

*waves at flanker* we meeced you!

Meds aren't always good, Star. Like Bunny said, they are good when they work. And I'd add when they're needed. In my opinion, it's good to find a talk therapist you like and trust and then listen to them if they advise going on meds. A pet peeve of mine is when people go seek help and all they want is a pill...or when the professional prescribes without providing the talk sessions. 'Course it's hard to find good therapists sometimes, but that's a whole other thing.

Anyhoo, still thinking of Rose, and hoping it's not upsetting that you're getting lots of advice to see a therapist. I just know how much it helped me, and I want you to be happy and well!
Hey, gang. Thank you all soooooo so much for the support and love. There are very few people who I can cry around, so it's a comfort to know that I can turn to you when I get like this.

I think it's true that I may need to go back into therapy. I don't feel that I deserve it, though. I mean, I have a lot going for me at the moment ... or at least it looks like I do. Maybe because of the whole veneer of the Trophy Wife. I feel that I'd just be wasting a therapist's time with my pathetic little problems. You know, the whole Dennis Leary, "I'm just not happy" thing. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch this. NSFW )

I talked to Sheff about this, of course, and let him read my post. He thinks I've been holding in too much. When my friends call, I never tell them how I'm really feeling. I just tell them I'm fine & then let them rattle on and on about their own lives. Even my mother does this ... just talks and talks and talks about herself and doesn't really engage in actual conversation. It's gotten to the point where the only people who ever ask about me and wait to hear the real answer are Sheff and BestGalPal. And thank gawd for them, but lots of times I'm not even honest with them about how I'm feeling. They're already stressed out & I don't want to burden them.

Anyway. Sheff and I talked about lots of things. We talked about some of the things that are holding me back (most of which are very personal or just very boring, so I won't burden you all with them). We'll be working on it. But yes, it will take work.

On the subject of drugs, I took Prozac back in the day when I was suicidal (2002). I was also in therapy at the time, but Prozac really saved my life. It provided a chemical "floor" that prevented my spirit from drifting further down into the darkness. From there, I was able to take better advantage of the talk therapy & start pulling myself up again. So yes, it can help, but I agree that it isn't a cure-all.

Anti-kvetch 1: I managed to cheer myself up a bit today. I got dressed, made myself look cute, and then went to the art store where I bought frames for two pieces that I've been wanting to hang up for a long time. The art is now hanging on the walls & it makes me happy to see them.

Anti-kvetch 2: Tonight we went out for dinner to a fairly pricey place. Ordinarily I am so nervous about money that I order one of the cheapest things on the menu, but tonight I said, "Fuck it! I'm eating what I want!" so I ordered the shrimp & filet mignon. Oh yeah! I feel better now.

((((((((((((((((Amilita, Morn, Sidecar, Polly, CCGirl, Dusty, Flanker, Star, Bunny, Yuefie, Pixie, Sixel, Mandi, Billy, and eeeeeeeverybody else)))))))))))))))
(((((((((((Rose))))))))) *extra tight hugs*

I do not think one needs to "deserve" therapy, sweetness. If you feel like you need it, if it seems it will help, than by all means, GO.
I know it's no substitute for your real life pals you can call up to hang out on a moments notice, but just know that you have a whole network of friends here who love you for just being you. Sending lots of ~~~~rays of sunshine vibage~~~~ your way, honey!

And of course, lots of love and all purpose vibes for everyone else too! ((((((kvetchies))))))
(((((RV))))) RV, my dear, you don't have "pathetic little problems" and there is no deservedness scale for therapy. Please, please, please do yourself a favor and start to get some referrals for therapists and set up some appointments to interview them. Even if you start now, it could be a few weeks before you find someone you click with. Please hang in there. I really think therapy will help you so much, especially since you've done it before. I read your posts and think there are many, many steps that could be taken, but my unsolicited opinion is that it's going to start with therapy. Going out in the world and getting involved with activities and meeting new people in your new home will come later, in due time. I don't think I know the story of why you're not involved with theatre over there...? But for now, what about walking around your neighborhood? Baby steps. Tell yourself that you're just going to go out for 10 minutes, maybe walk to the nearest mailbox or something. My favorite accessory for doing that is a big pair of sunglasses. wink.gif And on the feeling homesick front, I've moved around a whole lot and for me it's usually been around the 2-year mark where I start to feel more settled. I know the loneliness, the no-anchor feelings... there's a certain Charlie Brown quality to it, and what has helped me out a lot is getting involved with different groups of people. Hell, even now, I've taken on a very part-time job, mainly just to meet new people and be involved in an organization I like a lot. I love this little job and really look forward to it, mainly because it's fun and because I see a lot of the same people week after week at this place. But please, RV, to get back to you, stop holding it all in. Being honest with yourself is the first step and it's good that you're doing that.

So I got the test done, but it's opened up more questions a la Pandora's Box. I have to stop visiting medical web sites, even the reputable ones, because I'm going to drive myself to the funny farm with the self-diagnosing. I will try to post more when I can, but gotta run off soon to Granny Raisin's house for most of the day. If I'm lucky, I'll stay late enough to get to watch Judge Judy with her.

ETA: no underwear report, as I'm still in PJs.
(((rose))) what yuefie and raisin said. Never dismiss your sadness or even try to justify it: you feel the way you feel. It's also sad to see you posting in black.

I'm feeling a little off today (the nausea is back) but that may be due to my moontime. Having a girls' night with kinkykatykins tonight with ice cream, no wine. Spending today chilling, reading and watching last night's US Grey's Anatomy and Pushing Daisies.

mandi, I received a Christmas compilation album I bought in post today, which has Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds singing "The Christmas Song". It is very good and i'll definitely be adding it to my Christmas mix I'm giving people Christmacuddles and Gingerbread Latte Kisses (the latter bit is taken from you!)

polly, you never did tell us what your cousin's husband said (last weekend?)

undies: mint coloured period pants with "floozie" in pale pink embroidered across ass, no bra yet but it will be a pale pink one.

Hey ya'll. It's been awhile...again. I swear, my life is speeding up and going faster and faster and then 3 weeks will have passed and I'm not sure where I am.

I got married last week. It was nice and private and we got married on the water. The Babies Lu were there and were so cute.

My best friend TOTALLY stabbed me in the back and wrote some nasty shit about me at LJ which I thought was purely reserved for 14 year olds...because I told her to chill out (in many many more words) when she got all worked up about an online tizzy at my Mama board, and she acted like people were fighting just to make her feel like shit. I also found out that when I discovered Mr. Lux2 is a sex addict and needed to go into recovery (complete with online affairs and all that great stuff), the first thing she did after I went crying to her was to call the person I dislike most in the world to cackle with them over my misfortune. Jealousy is a huge bitch. He's better now, still getting help and I'm standing by him. I've known for a couple months and chose to marry him because I refuse to give up on him. She can suck me. She started acting strangely the night before I got married, and then she didn't call me once on my wedding I don't know what the deal is with that.

So, I'm sans a best friend which really really really sucks. It hurts. It feels like I'm 15 again and "The Gang" told me I couldn't sit with them at lunch. Totally pathetic.

But I've got a really great guy and we're good. And that's a relief...something I don't have to struggle with on a daily basis. We just are. I've got 3 great kids who keep me so busy I can hardly stand it, and I'm volunteering at my oldest's school tonight.

But I'm still really down about losing her.
(((RV))), sweetie, I'm sure you know the signs better than I do, but you sound clinically depressed to me.

Ack. I have a radio interview this afternoon about my department closing, so please send me vibes at 5:30 pm EST.

~*~*~*rock that radio interview, dusty~*~*~*~

congrats on the wedding, lelu! I can totally empathise with losing your best friend and her turning into a nasty, immature shit... the way I see it though (and keep telling myself this) is that she wasn't your best friend if she treated you that way.

I still feel icky and my head hurts too sad.gif.
((rose)) You are so worth the therapist's time. I'm sure you don't want to go back to the state you were in '02. It's good that you talked to Sheff.

((lelu)) congrats on the marriage...are there pictures? Sorry about your friend flaking out on you.

Oh, so the stupid thing he said- I'll post tonight when I'm not at work. Good memory, bunny! There's some other drama going on at work that I'll post about tonight.

((raisin)) good luck with your medical tests. I have my ultrasound for my gall bladder on Monday. I'm not too worried about it...I mean, I'm not to worried about the ultrasound itself. What happens after that, we'll see.

((hugs to all)) where's tes and txplumwine been?
((((((rose)))))) I really do agree with everyone - your problems aren't pathetic, especially if they're making you unhappy. So good you talked to sheff! I have a fluffy baby bunny video for you!

(((((lelu))))) congrats on the wedding

omgomgomgomgomg... Pete's doing happy feet in the middle of the lounge! My bunny loves me! where was I...

(((((raisin))))) webmd is the work of the devil, all it does it work me into a panic.

(((((dusty))))) hope the interview goes well!

dorris is doing it too! this is a serious first for me, as they usually just sit under the sofa and hide.

(((((yuefie, bunny, zoya, mando, tes, polly, sidecar, amilita, candcane, flanker, msp, sassy, sixie, syb, sonik, billy and his grey pants, everyone))))

today... my pants are bright pink lacy boyshorts. And no bra because despite the fancy knickers, I haven't actually done anything to qualify me putting one on. They're hardly essential wear for writing essays.

I saw zoya last night, and it was good (she is also looking hawt). Leetle bit of a headache this morning, but no damage done.

Oh oh oh, and Indigo has a friend! She's a lurcher - part greyhound part godknowswhatelse, and only seven months old. They chased each other all over the park, it was so good to see him happy with a playmate, so hopefully we'll see each other again. Her owner was nice too, and Indigo wasn't too scared of him. I just loved the puppy though, a really happy character.
BAHAHA! Okay, that bunny vid, Morn?! Fuckin' FUNNEH! I laughed so much at the sound effects towards the end that I had to watch it again. He was using that ornament like he was a boxer warming up for a fight! Bunny aside: Did you notice that one of the tags for the vid is dutch bunny? But that ain't no dutch bunny! Huh. Happy bunny feet! My buns is too old, he doesn't really jump high up in the air like that anymore, except for when he jumps up and down from the furniture. And Indigo has a friend, so cute! Squee!

Yeah, WebMD is the work of the devil and so is Mayo Yes, Mayo is reputable, but I do NOT need to read that shit online, it needs to not be so accessible to me in my living room, capiche?

Anyway, I'm sitting around waiting to hear about dinner... da da da... I am tempted to break out the crackers and start nibbling... we're supposed to be going to some restaurant where an old friend is singing, but SOMEBODY hasn't called me back yet. Me, impatient? Never.

Oh, so I just got a call while I was writing this post. Time to run off to make myself presentable... I HAVEN'T A THING TO WEAR!

Special hello to Star: we WILL get together one of these days, I promise! I am thinking what about dinnah in the North End... or Chinatown... or this really great Ethiopian place where they give you that spongy bread so you can eat with your hands... or cappuccinos and cannolis in the North End, just skip dinner and go straight for dessert... the possibilities are endless...
(((Raisin))) are you ok hon?

Hah. Mornington actually knows what a lurcher is, its not just something you read about in books.

(((Bunny's belly)))

Today was the day of Fina and Finaman's wedding!!!

The radio interview went ok, thanks for all the vibes. I am *so* relieved that the meeting I had to chair last night and the interview are over. And nobody knew that I was wearing a grey cotton g-string and a black cotton underwire bra.
I did not know a lurcher was a type of dog (I thought she meant the pup tugged at the leash! laugh.gif ). I had to look it up on Wiki, which had a fantastic explanation and this adorable example! Those eyes! That tail!

foot tap*tap*tap*...waiting for polly's stories...

(((raisin))) Oh, yeah...stay off the internets! It's good to educate yourself, but when it's more researching symptoms...anxiety city.

Have a relaxing weekend, dusty!

I love that bunny video, mornington!! I have to go look at some other ones sometime. Glad you seem to be doing well and having fun and taking care of yourself.

bunny, hope you're doing better.

Rosev, what everyone else said. You totally deserve therapy. Sometimes I feel like there are people around me who deserve therapy more than me, but I was the one who sought it out and was ready for it. It's not like I'm taking it away from someone else, really. It's good to work on stuff before you get to a devastated or suicidal point.

Have an opening tomorrow night with a super fun artist who is here from NY with a friend for the show...we all had a yummy dinner out. I had gumbo and baked macaroni and cheese and chocolate cake. Oh, and this blue cheese and fig torte appetizer. Tomorrow night is the artist's birthday, so we're taking him out to dinner after the opening. And my fabulous friend is making him a penis-shaped cake. Yay!

(((Love to all)))
Ok, ok, I woke up too early and I have some time before I have to leave for work.

Gather 'round, kids; Polly's going to tell you a story about an insensitive jerk...

We have this patient who's bulimic. She's in her mid 30's (but looks like she's about 58 unsure.gif) She doesn't hide that she's bulimic or anything and it's caused her many dental problems. I'm not sure what stage she's in; if she's still actively bulimic, in recovery and successful, in recovery and struggling, whatever. But she's very, very thin and generally unhealthy (on top of being bulimic, she smokes like a chimney) and honestly, it is kind of disturbing to look at her.

She's been in a couple of times and the last time she was there to get her crown put on, she was talking to us at the front desk, waiting for the assistant to take her back. Her dad always comes with her and she said she was cold (we keep the office at about 68 degrees F because it gets hot in back with all the equipment and close quarters) so she asked him to go get her jacket from the car.

So H., my cousin's husband/office manager says to her, after her dad leaves, "Oh, you know what you need! Some happy fat! Yep, we've got plenty of it and we're never cold! Those donuts we eat, we eat those for a purpose!" She laughed and said, somewhat uncomfortably, "Oh yeah, I like the cake donuts with the peanuts on the outside!" and he just continued to talk about all these rich foods and how much he enjoyed them. I just sat there with my mouth agape. He tried to pull me into the conversation and asked what kind of donuts I liked; I said, "Uh, double chocolate, I guess" and then made up a reason to get away from the desk.

I mean, she was laughing about it at the time, but I can't even imagine how that felt to her (god, I hope it didn't trigger any more self-destructive behavior.) To me, it's like telling a rape survivor how much you love sex and they should just have some and get over it. blink.gif

So last night I found out my BGP's cat died. He was the greatest cat. Wonderful personality, friendly, affectionate, he let her kids drag him around. She just came home earlier this week and he was dead on the floor. He was only about 7 or 8 years old. She took his body to the vet right away and they said it could have been a household toxin or an undetected heart problem, but more than likely, it was a kidney problem. A couple weeks earlier, he started randomly peeing all over the house, but hardly any pee would come out. She took him to the vet and they said that there were crystals in his urine and they gave him meds and special food. Well, I guess it wasn't enough or it was too late. It's very sad. R.I.P. Merlin.

Like today couldn't get any sadder, I'm leaving work in the middle of the day to go to a memorial for the grandmother of an old friend. She died a few weeks ago, but was cremated and they're having the memorial today. I haven't seen my friend in several years because she made some very different life choices than where I was going and I just couldn't take the drama anymore. But we'd been friends since we were little and I felt it was important to go. I hope she doesn't take this to mean we're bestest friends in the whole wide world again, but I don't want to completely cut her out at a time like this. I'm going with BGP whose cat died, because we were all childhood friends.

oh raisin, LeBoy is a hypochondriac and constantly works himself into a tizzy after reading WebMD....obviously, you're having some legitimate medical issues (somehow I missed specifically what they were though....did you say?) but yeah, they do make you feel worse after reading them.

((hugs to all)) I'll post more later.
((amilita)) Good luck with the opening. Baked macaroni and cheese sounds delicious, it’s hard for me to order it when dining out because I am picky about cheese.

sixel, that dog freaks me out for some reason, maybe it the contrast with the snowy background.

dusty, glad the radio interview went well.

raisin, I am really bad about going crazy when looking at WebMD.

mornington, yay for indigo having a new friend, and for meeting up with zoya.

((polly)) Wow, I don’t even know what to say about your cousin’s husband. Why in the world does he act like that, he must have issues with weight if he is constantly making fun of people about it.

((bunnyb)) Hope you headache is gone. I saw a film set in Glasgow last night, and it made me think of you. Not the plot or anything, just that is was set in Scotland. I really needed subtitles for some of the accents, so I think I missed some of the dialogue.

lelu, congrats on your wedding.

((rose)) I agree you don’t need to feel guilty about therapy, everyone deserves therapy if needed. It took me years to go see someone, and when I finally did I learned a lot of things about myself and my family. I’m sure sometime in the future I will need to go again, and I won’t feel bad about it. What you said about your mom, and how she doesn’t engage you in conversation and just talks about herself that’s how my mom is too. I actually took notice of this during a ten minute conversation where she did not ask me one question at all. I loved what you wrote "Fuck it! I'm eating what I want!", that’s kind of how I get when I go shopping sometimes. You have all our support.

((sassy)) Yay for the temp job and the treadmill.

((yuefie, star, flanker, ccgirl, sidecar))

I don’t think I mentioned the company I work for was officially acquired by a large healthcare organization last week. We had a meeting where we learned almost nothing, and next week we have to go to some kind of orientation. It could actually be a good thing because the company is nationwide, so there is much more career opportunities. I still think I want to find a different career, still thinking about school, but kind of not. Today I am going to see Across the Universe with Mr. DM and then Itty Bitty Titty Committee with Twin DM. Sunday will be relaxing.

RIP Merlin.

What a foot-in-mouth-on-regular-basis jerk your boss (and family member) sounds polly. Jeez.


love the bunny baby.

amilita, the blue cheese and fig appetiser sounds yummy!

Today is indeed Fina and Finaman's wedding! I was supposed to be going but I'm poor and feel like crap. Zoya is flying the flag for us, though, and gets to meet (again) chatnoir (who used to post) who is their photographer! I think lysistrata may be going too but weedy can't make it. I'm bummed that I can't go but meeting zoya either tomorrow or monday so hopefully she can fill me in.

I felt really crappy last night at kinkykatykins and today feel better nausea-wise but cramping and haemorraghing (sp!) badly. Today is going to be a very lazy day for me and I need to make another doctor's appointment as the sickness thing is just not right. Oh, and my period was late, which I put down to changing pills, but maybe it's tied in with the sickness, if you catch my meaning.

Have a great weekend (((all))).
I was up way too early this morning, which is a shame since I needed to sleep more! Oh well.

Oh wow, what a story, Polly. My head would have exploded if I had been in your place (because, seriously, who among us doesn't know someone who has or had an ED of some sort? I've had two friends I know of for sure who were bulimic.). Wow. I mean, sheesh, when people need to legitimately put on weight, doughnuts aren't going to be at the top of the list, I know that any nutritionist would say that. (And is it really awful of me that I'm now thinking of homemade cider doughnuts?! I don't know if they are just a New England tradition...)

Six, I thought lurcher was describing how the dog behaved, too! So thanks for the picture, he is cute.

So, my health problems, I really can't go into the details here, unfortunately (PM is ok). I have written about it on LJ, as some of you know, mainly because I need some outlet to vent my frustrations when I'm sick of talking about it with friends & family in real life (and believe me, they've heard their fair share). While the problem isn't shortening my life and it's not life-threatening (uh... silver lining?! eep), it is ongoing and interfering massively with quality of life, etc. It's had a huge impact on my life this year and at this point I want the whole thing resolved and I want to go back to how I felt (i.e. pain-free) before all of this happened. Supposedly I can make a near full recovery, but it could take many more months, if not a year or years (the problem was already advanced by the time I went to the doctor -- talk about denial, I kept telling myself that I could take care of it on my own). I do have a diagnosis and while I don't question its validity, I will still read crap online because apparently I like to drive myself mad. But compared to how I was earlier this year, I am doing a whole lot better, and that in itself is really good news. But really, the whole situation is a clusterfuck. I'll live, I just know that A LOT of things in my life have to change. And this is the hardest part of all, making the changes.

Plus, physically I feel better when I'm not sitting around on my butt in front of the computer... so I should get moving. Have an awesome Saturday, everyone. It's so sunny here already, I guess Mother Nature doesn't want me to go back to sleep!

ETA: Hi, DM and Bunny! Itty Bitty Titty Committee?! What's that? Bunny, I hope your nausea problems get sorted out soon, it's no fun to feel pukey. So awesome to hear about Fina's wedding and all the Bustie connections!
I love BUSTie connections; it makes me warm inside to know that BUSTies elsewhere are happy.

That reminds me: pixie, I looked at your photos of the bebe and oh my goodness he is adorable! He looks like his mama; maybe not as much a minipixie does but you can still see you in him in some photos.

(((raisin))) sometimes changes are the hardest things to make; even when you know they will make you and your life better.

dm, which film did you watch? I'm wondering if I've seen it.

My mum asked me to go food shopping for her so no more PJs for me; on the bright side I get to buy food using her money although nothing rich, which fucking sucks.
Oh (((RV))) I think everyone has given good advice about therapy options. I also like sidecar and raisin's suggestions that you get a p/t job and/or get involved in local theatre, if you can, as a way to get involved in something that fulfills you and/or meet new like-minded people. I am so glad you talked to sheff; those talks can be hard but are so worth it. Hugs for both of you.

Mmm, ethiopian!

So exciting this is fina and finaman's wedding day, and that a BUSTie contingent will be present! I hope they have a fab day.

I'm sorry to hear about martinidad sidecar. On the other hand, I'm impressed that your vayjayjay will soon be able to lift weights.

I'm curious about Across the Universe as I like the director (Julie Taymor ). It's been panned in reviews here though. DM, did you like it?


I have the house to myself and am going to try out bunnyb's brownie recipe. I haven't baked anything for years so keep your fingers crossed...

(((((rose))))) Something I often say is therapy is not about deserving or an inability of any type -- it exists to help you in the ways you need it now, in the ways you've needed it in the past, and to help you anticipate the ways in which you may need it in the future. I hope you can find one, and I'm glad you can talk about it with Sheff.

Martini and I had this great night planned where we were going to eat special brownies and go to a late screening of Across the Universe, as it seemed like a good fit but instead our dog got diarrhea, so we stayed home and watched The Wire. I still haven't made it to see it. Tonight we may go see Michael Clayton with friends.

Dusty, I hope your interview goes well!

Happy wedding day to fina!

Last night I saw Spoon and it was loads of fun. Martini is now making Sophie-like whiney noises in that he wants to go out and run errands, so off I must go.

Hope you all are well!
argh!!! I'm late to fina & finaman's reception because the taxi is 20 minutes late!! eeek!!

will give everyone's love and report back tomorrow


Hey everyone! Thanks for all the congrats and assorted other good wishes after I passed the bar. It was much appreciated.

However, as soon as the news came down, I found a huge pile of cases just waiting to come crashing down on my head. My boss had been holding off on giving them to me until she knew I'd be staying around. As my main source of internet is presently at work, this has severely limited my ability to read/post. But! Sometime this week I will be getting DSL at my apartment - assuming I can figure out how to install everything.

I also bought a Roomba.

Right now I'm at my best friend's house in Champaign, enjoying some girl time and hanging out with her adorable kidlets. At the moment, though, I'm the only person awake so I'm taking advantage of their wireless internet.

((((RV)))) - I haven't lived in my new town as long as you've been in yours, but I SO understand the nightmare of trying to build a new network of friends to hang out with when you've moved to a place where you don't know anyone. I am enduring the same thing in Kankakee. There was even a part of me that secretly hoped I'd fail the bar because then I could move back home where I have my parents and my sister and tons of friends I can call up at a moment's notice to hang out.

All the suggestions people have given are good, but I know that when you're depressed there is a world of difference between knowing what you need to do to feel better and actually being able to get yourself to do it. Then it becomes a slippery spiral. It sounds like you recognized that you were sliding down it and were able to reach out for some help from Sheff as well as the BUSTies.

As for "deserving" a therapist's time - if your car just had a "little" problem like a loose belt or something which could potentially become a big problem (I'm ignorant when it comes to auto maintenance, so forgive the clumsy analogy), would you think it didn't deserve a mechanic's time?

DM - where do you live that you get to see Itty Bitty Titty Committee? I've been wanting to see that movie ever since my best-guy-friend saw it at SXSW. The only info I can get is that it's playing in CA. I live close enough to Chicago that if it ever comes there I should be able to make a screening.

Somewhat belated hugs for ((((mornington)))) - I keep my ass-kicking boots on at all times, so if you need me to join the kicking brigade, just say the word.

A 4-year-old has just appeared in the room where I am and informed me that she needs to eat breakfast NOW. I'm going to go attend to this so her pregnant mom can get some more sleep. Isn't it amazing how kids can go from sound asleep to wide awake and making adamant demands in 0.2 seconds?

((((BUSTies)))) Happy Sundays to everyone!
Excuse the pity party ahead but I have a bit of an Eeyore complex today:

I STILL feel ILL. When I eventually woke up this afternoon (I'm having problems waking up) I felt ok, I drank some water and BAM! I felt like someone had ripped my insides out again and now feel really nauseous. I've tried making myself sick, because sometimes it's better than just feeling sick but to no avail. Saying that, I haven't eaten anything yet. I have no appetite; yesterday I didn't eat until about 8pm and I didn't even feel hungry. I am so sick of feeling sick and of constantly drinking peppermint tea to settle my tummy (and it not working). To make matters worse this weekend my tummy is upset anyway because it's my moontime and I'm running to the loo lots (apologies for TMI). I feel as if my tummy is rotting and self-diagnosing myself, I think I have lactose intolerance (goat cheeses like feta not causing a reaction but cheddar, yoghurt and milk, yes, and some ice creams). I'm phoning my doctor tomorrow for an appointment this week and I'm not being fobbed off again... I want to know what's wrong with me and I want to know NOW. /rant
((bunnyb)) Sorry you are feeling so badly. I hope you get a doctor’s appointment this week. The film I saw that was set in Glasgow was called Nina’s Heavenly Delights.

lanie, I live in Florida, and Itty Bitty Titty Committee played at the local GLBT film festival. I loved the film as I knew I would, and the rest of the audience did too.

((raisin)) Wishing all the best with your health issues. Oh, Itty Bitty Titty Committee is a film about a group of somewhat radical feminists, and how they try to spread their message. The film’s message is serious, but it is a really funny and great film.

syb, I enjoyed Across the Universe. Now I must say I normally hate musicals, but this one was different. I probably enjoyed it more because I like The Beatles (like, not love), and it’s political since it deals with Vietnam. I looked up Julie Taymor, and realized I haven’t seen any of her other films.

My weekend was filled with watching films, but that’s really what I enjoy. Back to the work week, and I sure hope it’s a good one.
*throwing sparkly confetti for the finaman’s & the lelu’s*

(((bunny))) hope the doc can help you. Maybe a script for reglan? And “Gingerbread Latte Kisses …?” could you BE any cuter? I don’t think so! Would you mind sharing your setlist?


(((polly’s patient))) prove positive that some people are just plain morons.
(((merlin))) polly, hoping today was a better day for you, sweetie.

*continued tight hugs for mornington* even tho I haven’t even been lurking this week (see below), I’ve thought of you every day, sending you xtra-strength heart-healing vibes.

(((yuefie))) i saw a sashie clone today. how is your little pupper?

“I will still read crap online because apparently I like to drive myself mad …” *raising hand in agreement* raisin, for what it's worth, i think you're a superhero. and stop beating yourself up for letting it go for so long. the important thing is you're fixing it now.

(((dusty, dm, lanie, sybarite, polly, zoya, amilita, sassy, star, candy, mavin, pixie, everyone)))

(((rose))) please forgive me for appearing to be doing the pissing contest thing, but I’m sort of in the same boat. this past week has convinced me that, even tho I know the meds have helped, maybe I need to give therapy another shot. (However I need to find a new therapist, so i have to get past the lazy-daunting block ... again.) You know you deserve it, honey. We both do. I don’t mean to make light, but maybe we should kick each others butts about it? feel free to pm or email me. here for you, darlin.

kvetch: danny had a terrible headache from tuesday to yesterday. no other symptoms, but he missed 2.5 days of school. took him to the his Laid-Back Internist Who He & His Father Like, who said it didn't sound like a classic migraine, just a tension headache. but, um, for 5 days?! we go back for his annual on thursday ... i might push for some tests or a referral or something. he's such a basically healthy kid *knock wood*, but when he does get sick, it's weird n' scary n' inexplicable.

((bunny)) ((danny)) I hope your unexplainable symptoms get better and explained!

Yesterday was okay. It was good to get a little closure on the relationship; I don't think she took my presence to mean I wanted to be friends with her again. Some of the more annoying friends she had, which were part of the reason I got her out of my life, were also there. Her redneck friend who was -maybe still is- a KKK member (yeah, so not kidding about that) was there, only now he's ordained. Ordained in what, I don't know....jackassery? Then her friend who's one of those people who always has to "one-up" any stories you tell. And she boasts about the severe physical discipline she uses on her kids. Can you say "ignorant moron"? dry.gif Anyway, besides her friends, it was a lot less dramatic (her normally dysfunctional family was fairly well behaved) than I thought it would be and I'm still glad I went. I just pretended certain people didn't exist and it was all good.

Today we picked up an air purifier I got off craigslist. It retails for over $100, but I got it for $50! Woohoo! Then we went to breakfast (pumpkin pancakes!) and then I took a nap and that's about it.

Ultrasound tomorrow morning and I can't eat or drink after midnight.

((hugs to all))

ETA: That other drama at work- since June, we've had a dentist who comes in on Saturdays. He's right out of school, but he graduated at the top of his class. We rearranged the whole schedule to accommodate working on Saturdays. Before, we were Monday-Thursday, then we added Saturdays, which the other dentist, an assistant, a hygienist and myself would work. That sucked for the assistant and hygienist because it's a pretty physically-demanding job and having only one day off before the majority of the work week started again was taking it's toll on them. So, we switched to Tuesday-Saturday at the beginning of this month.

There's been some issues with this new first we thought it was just cocky new doctor syndrome, but now we've pretty much decided he's just a prick and last week he gave notice to my cousin. He's jumping ship to go work at a pediatric dentist (what he'll specialize in after he's done with his residency) now we're debating switching our schedule back, but some of us can't afford to only work 4 days a week, myself included, and to top it all off, we've pretty much figured out that he's been stealing supplies from the office. blink.gif Little shit. My cousin swears she'll figure something out so we won't lose hours, but we'll see. unsure.gif
Happy Monday all! Sorry that I have been MIA since Thursday. Time goes fast in Kvetchlandia.

{{{{RoseViolet}}}} I have a PM for you but when I tried to send it your mailbox was too full. Please let me know when I can send it out.

{{{pollystyrene}}} I never knew that dentists offices contained so much drama. I almost had pumpkin pancakes for breakfast yesterday but I settled on a ham & greyuere cheese omlette instead.

{{{bunnyb}}} I have to say that I am getting worried for you. Lactose intolerance sounds like a possibility. You have just been sick for a long while. Good luck! Maybe it is time for one of those food allergy diets where you take all the standards allergines away (dairy, wheat, caffiene, etc.) for three weeks and then see what causes a reaction when you put it back in your food.

{{{mandolyn}}} I have actually been toying with the idea of going back into therapy as well. You have my support.

{{{raisigirl}}} I have not read your LJ but I have some idea what the frustration that you are going through feels like. Good luck!

{{{sybarite, laniethezany, designermedusa, sidecar, zoya}}}

My weekend was nice. I worked on Saturday and then I had a nice date Saturday night. Can you believe it? I had a fun date! On Sunday, I spent the day with my best friend and we worked out, ate everything in site and then went to Target. All the good things!
Happy Monday, everyone! Okay, so maybe that's a major contraditction, but you know what I mean.

Lordy, I have soooooo many posts to read in the archives. First off ...

CONGRATS, LELU!!!!!!!! I hope that you & the new Mr. Lu will be happy together. smile.gif
I'm so so sorry to hear about the asshattery of your friends, though. If Ex-Best had been concerned and loving it would be one thing, but laughing behind your back and other shit? Puh-leeeeez. Life is too short to waste time on people who don't truly love you. What a bunch of buttheads!

I hope that Fina had a fabulous wedding day. Can't wait to hear the details! I haven't been keeping up so I don't know if they went to Gretna Green or what.

((((((((continued lovin' for Morn)))))))) Hooray for sweet friends who come into town & give fun gifts. What sort of badges have you been making? Thanks for posting the link to the video. Love! Especially the Happy Feet.

(((((Mavin)))))) Sorry to hear about your grandpa. At least you got to see your new niece!

(((((OliviaKitty)))))) Hope she's feeling better, KittenB.

((((((Raisin))))))) Sometimes those internet searches are helpful, & sometimes they scare the crap out of you. I've definitely come across some scary info when researching my various afflictions. Just remember that sometimes you're reading the worst case scenario, not the norm.

Amilita, hope you had fun at the opening!

So, ChatNoir went to Fina's wedding? Does that mean that she's living in the UK now? Can anybody give an update?

Dusty, sorry I didn't get to vibe you in time! How did the interview go?

((((((((((Bunny)))))))))))))) So sorry to hear you're feeling so poorly. I wish I had some advice for you. sad.gif

I'm curious about Across the Universe. I've heard so many mixed reviews on it. I wonder if it's good in a [b]Moulin Rouge[/b[ kind of way, because I looooooooove MR! But I totally understand why other people hate it.

Polly, this ...
"Ordained in what, I don't know....jackassery?"
... made me laugh my ass off. You are sooooooo much better without trashy people like that in your life. Not that the guys are your job are much better, though. Grrrr.

((((((Mandi)))))))) ((((((((Danny)))))))))

And yes, I need to clean out my PM in-box. I'll get on that right away.

Thanks again for all of the love, everyone. It's just a shame that this is all so complicated. Part of the problem is me. Part of the problem is me worrying about Sheff. And thirdly, part of the problem is actually tied to stuff going on at Sheff's job. I mean, no amount of therapy for me is going to make his bosses start paying him a fair wage. And other things have happened that make me feel as though this company has betrayed us. I am resentful towards this company because I had to give up soooooooo much just so that Sheff could work for them. And for them to go back on their word and not even may him the average wage for an engineer in his position in this town? No. Fuck that shit. I did not give up my family and friends so that these assholes could walk all over my husband.

This is all made more frustrating because I have made a friend whose husband works in the same industry & does the same sort of work as Sheff, but at a different company. We have discussed finances and I now know that her husband is making almost TWICE AS MUCH as Sheff. UGH! Then she told me how she found out the salaries for people in this position, so I did the same research &, according to most websites, Sheff is make 25% LESS than the average pay for a person with his experience in this job in this town. GRRRRRRRRRR.

So yes. I'm pissed off. But how to rectify the situation? I have no idea. Sheff is afraid of leaving the company & getting stuck working for people he doesn't like (he really likes his co-workers). I argued that he can still keep these people as friends if he works elsewhere AND make more money AND keep his wife happy at the same time. Because fuck, if I have to make these kind of enormous sacrifices, I expect to be compensated fairly. And that ain't happenin now.
As they say, if Momma ain't happy, ain't no body happy. And Momma AIN'T happy.
Sorry for the rant.
ugh, running on not much sleep. Will explain later.

(((polly))) I can't say it any better than kittenb did. I had no idea the dentist's office could be so dramatic!

(((mando))) (((danny))) a tension headache for 5 days? That doesn't sound normal.

(((raisn))) I hope your health problems get sorted out.

belated congrats lanie!

(((rosev))) I used to have similar feelings about not "deserving" therapy, like I wasn't depressed enough. But trust me, no one has to deserve therapy. If you're depressed that's that and you just need to care about yourself enough to get help.

congrats to fina and finaman!

(((lelu))) sorry that your friend acted that way.

(((dm, sidecar and family, sixelacat, dusty, morn, txplumwine, star, amilita, pixie, flanker, yuefie, anoussh, mavin, sassy)))

now for my kvetch: I couldn't fall asleep till nearly 6am. For no damn reason. So I ended up missing my one class today because I couldn't drag myself out of bed after 3 hours of sleep. I have no idea why I'm so awake!

*attempts to go back to bed*
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